


Contamination

by PeachesAndCreams



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting Year 2034, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse that nobody asked for, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blow Jobs, Emotional Manipulation, End game Ereri, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, I'll add more tags as it goes one, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm using my own headcanon for all characters/places/backstories/origins/Family in this story, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) is Bad At Feelings, M/M, Mild Eruri, Mild Gore, Mild similarities/inspiration from original work snk, OOC characters, Physical Abuse, Slow Burn, Survival, Switch Eren Yeager, Switch Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-01-08 06:21:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 226,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12248745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachesAndCreams/pseuds/PeachesAndCreams
Summary: After war of the planet, humans have lived in fear and were made to live inside walls like caged animalsIn The City, humans have the chance to live a decent life, where the water runs, where they have access to electricity, where they can live without fear.Some do not have that chance. The banned, Survivors, Criminals, Those who lived outside The City during the Contamination and refused to be locked up. Those who live outside of Paradise Island. In the City, these people are called the Condemned. Condemned because they have often committed a crime to find themselves outside. Condemned because outside, life expectancy is ... limited.Eren Jeager is nineteen. He lives in the City.Levi is twenty-one. He's a Condemned.They are not meant to meet. Yet a few words will change everything.“Eren Jeager, you are convicted of high treason against The City; the court declares your banishment. A guard will take you from your cell this evening so that you can join the Exterior, Access to the City is now strictly forbidden.”Or Zombie Apocalypse AU where Eren and Levi fight to stay alive.





	1. My World

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! so i have been thinking about making this Apocalypse/Zombie AU for a very long time and i decided to do it because why not! This is my first time posting a story online so i'm a bit nervous about people's reactions.I wanted to share this big boy with y'all so here you go. Excuse the typos.  
> I'm open for constructive criticism and any advice that could help me get better. I hope you like this :)

_Cover Art made by[Fizzyxox](https://fizzyxox.tumblr.com/)_

 

 

 

 

It’s raining heavily outside. You would think that would have stopped _them_. But no, it just slows them down and makes a human’s scent weaker. Levi can hear rain outside, heavy droplets of water smacking over the ceiling, no sign of them anywhere so far. Considering the noise his friend is making as she paces around the room, he knows _they_ will be here any time soon.

Levi slides against the wall; he glances at the corridor through the ajar door. He tightens his grip on his revolver, body alert to any danger. Pointing onwards, Levi averts his gaze to his companion who is searching through the desks in the room. Dust flying everywhere, filling his nostrils and making his eyes itch.

“Hey, Mikasa remind me again what are we here for? Because patiently waiting for our stinking friends to come eat us wasn’t on my to-do-list this morning.” He whispers, drops of sweat clinging to his skin, trailing down his forehead. Despite the rain and the fucked up weather, it’s still so hot and clammy. Levi hates it, it’s suffocating. The raven-haired girl glances at him quickly through the paper in her hands then continues her search.

“We’re here for Hange” Comes her reply, in the same hushed tone. She flips through the contents of the drawer quickly, throwing everything out on the floor. The room, like the rest of the building, like the rest of the world, was wrecked. Destroyed and rummaged by generations of survivors, looking for anything to keep them alive after the _War of the Planet_.

“She needs paper and ink, you know how she gets when she can’t write her researches, she becomes-”

“Crazy.” Levi smiles at the thought of his friend. He has never met someone so enthusiastic and passionate about science. He has seen her crazily fidgeting around every time she runs out of things to write on. Right now, him and Mikasa are on a mission to get her the supplies she needs. No one wants a crazy Hange on his back.

“She just has to listen to me and use the old game console Armin tinkered to save his work and data.”

Mikasa rolls her eyes at him, As if the possibility never crossed their minds.

“And risk losing everything when this machine stops working? Do you want her to kill everyone?”

She crosses the room in rushed steps emptying, whatever is left, from the shelves around the walls.

Levi chuckles at her, watching the corridor and the stairs, their exit from the building.

“Hange will never use these things. Even if she lived… before all this shit started, I think she would type on her old—”

Mikasa mimicked aggressively the action of typing on keys with a slight rattle. Levi looks at her before turning his attention to the exit, body tense and ready to go into action.

Levi has always been tense and alert. Because he was born in a world populated by War, death and despair. Fighting, surviving every day was the only way. He is only twenty-one and survival is all he knew.

“A typewriter, I think. Kenny had one. It was lost during an attack ten years ago.” Levi replies as he glances back and forth at his friend and the hallway.

“Yeah, that.”

“Man! The things you do and the lengths you’ll go to get in her pants!” Levi’s smirk grew as he receives an annoyed glare and a book, which he barely manages to dodge, in his face.

“You’ve figured everything out. That is exactly why I’m risking my life for her.”

Levi shakes his head lightly with an amused and affectionate smile adorning his face. He can joke about it with Mikasa all he wants but they both know that she is deeply madly in love with Hange. She is far from being with her just for sex.

“I found something!” Mikasa exclaims after a few minutes of searching.

She puts her precious findings in her bag smiling widely at her achievement.

“Finally! we can fucking go home now.” Her smile fades when she turns to Levi who tensed abruptly, shushing her.

A noise. From the ground floor.

“Guess not, we have visitors.”

Instinctively, he checks that the two daggers crossed between his shoulder blades were still in their scabbards on his back. Years of experience, running and tracking had given him a kind of sixth sense. What would have seemed innocuous to one of these from the Walls sounded in his ears like a promise of upcoming death.

"We’re moving." he motions for her to get closer. "we’re moving! Now!”

Mikasa throws the strap on her shoulder and seizes the Beretta M11 , her favorite gun, which she had flung from her belt.

These weapons save their lives every day. A few years ago, their clan had discovered under a ton of branches what appeared to be an old military base. How had they discovered what no one, in several decades, had uncovered?

By a stubborn, kid who had decided to go on an exploration. A kid who had almost been shredded to pieces by unwelcoming zombies and who had found refuge in what he thought were the sewers. Sewers that had turned out to be actually the tunnels of a former unused base, a secret base. Refugee in the basement, he had discovered enough weapons and ammunition to supply them for years. A base that eventually became their home. Their community now lives there.

That kid, the little brat who never listens is now the grown up hunter who is keeping the base safe. Levi.

Levi clenches his jaw as he catches a glimpse of the stairs. He motions to Mikasa before gently closing the door and retreating to the windows.

_Rule # 1 in times of apocalypse involving zombies or any other creatures: always provide an emergency exit. Preferably three or four._

Levi opens the window careful to not make a sound. He retreats away for Mikasa, who stepped over the ledge and disappeared outside. The echoing steps inch closer to the door and just as Levi steps over the ledge of the window ready to jump, the door burst open.

Zombies were filthy, that is the least he could say. Livid skin smeared with dirt, mud and dust. Blood too. On their skin, their torn clothes, their chins. Their hair greasy and tangled with various debris. The most frightening remains their eyes. Scarce, almost wholly white, the original color of their irises was barely visible. Hange said that their humanity fades as their eye color changes.

Although Levi was accustomed to this vision, he always prefers not to come across it. He slips outside of the room and carefully walks on the ledge that ran along the front of the building and which they had noticed upon arriving. He slowly and carefully slides against the damp wall following it to the second floor, several meters from the ground. He slips to the right. No safety harness of course. He scrambles to the corner of the building in Mikasa’s footsteps before grabbing the gutter there. He slides to the ground where she’s waiting for him, weapon in hand.

They begin to walk in the gate’s direction at a normal pace.

_Rule # 2: Do not run, except in an emergency, to not attract attention if zombies didn’t know where you were._

The contaminated came out of the gate, cutting off the road. Their eyes are glued to them. Their head raised, nostrils dilated, meant only one thing: they had tracked their sent. Levi curses his body for sweating.

Behind them, noise is heard again.

_Rule # 3: Do not let yourself be surrounded. This was precisely the emergency in Rule #2._

Levi and Mikasa run towards the building’s gates. Yes, they were running straight up a two-meter high fence without any apparent exit door in the vicinity. They jump to the fence and begin to climb. Within a few seconds, they are at the top. A few moments later, they are on the other side. Mikasa yelps as she slips falling head first on the mud. Levi gives an ironic military salute to the corpses who are watching them with their empty eyes on the other side before they start running again. They jump into the car, which they parked few meters away.

One of their routines.

“I think Kenny will spare us this time,” Levi says, out of breath as he settles into the passenger seat. “We’re not dead, we haven’t fired a bullet, we haven’t destroyed the car and we brought back some paper to save Hange from madness.”

“We didn’t tell him though. We were supposed to go hunting remember?” Mikasa reminds him, cringing as she speeds up the car.

They glance at each other for a second, grimacing at the thought of the consequences of their actions.

“We're so dead.” She mutters, glancing back at the road in front of her.

They were supposed to go hunting today. Like every day. Instead, Levi had stolen the keys of the community leader, Kenny, to go for a "short ride" using the car. Not warning anyone.

Kenny is not going to be happy.

Levi gets out of the vehicle to open the hangar door, once they arrived. One of the cars, the smallest, is always outside, in this shed just above the base. The other, the noisier Range Rover, is kept inside. Mikasa parks the electric car in a flash and picks up the keys as Levi closes the doors quickly.

She walks over to a corner of the hangar and lifts the sewer plate there. She gestures for Levi to go before her. She may be a fighter but facing Kenny isn’t like facing zombies. Kenny is scary.

Levi rolls his eyes at her and puts his weapon in his holster, drops his backpack over his shoulders, and descends the ladder first, sinking into darkness. He goes down several meters before reaching the ground and catches the torch in the hole to the right of the ladder. A lamp recharged with solar energy, like everything that produced light here. The sun is their only friend.

She shuts the sewer, plunging the underground into darkness, and Levi lights the lamp as his friend goes down. This part of the base is not lit continuously. Only the corridors connecting the HQ to the rooms and the infirmary are illuminated most of the time. Levi waits for her to join him before taking the corridor to his right. They walk for several minutes talking and joking before arriving in a huge room.

Levi called this place the HQ when he was a kid and the appellation had ended up being adopted by the rest of the refugees. It is the biggest room in the base, where the soldiers were storing the cars before. It had to make the size of a football stadium. Everything had been laid out for years to make it the living room of the refugees. In this room, people could meet, discuss, debate, read. It is the only room big enough to hold everyone and it is also the only place where there is light almost constantly, Kenny lets the electricity run there all the time except in the later hours when everyone is asleep.

They’re around thirty to forty people in the base and they don’t all fit in a room. Here they all have space, they are at ease. They had installed everything so they can get comfortable, useful and likely to make their lives more enjoyable and easier. Sofas everywhere, old carpets on the floor, tables and chairs, rows of libraries at the back of the room, trinkets, photos, paintings on the shelves along the walls. In the center, an old record player on a chest of drawers filled with vinyl records.

On the right, at the corner, the "nursery" as Mama calls it. Where they have set up a space with all the toys they had been able to find in the course of time, so that the children could grow up playing, too, despite the horror of the world they live in. It was Levi who brought back as many toys as possible. He did not have many when he grew up and he wanted the kids to have a better up bringing than he had.

The outside world was not safe for humans. Had been so for the past decades. This place is, though. It is the only place in the world that they could call their home. It had been a little more than ten years that they were living here and it was the first time they had stayed in the same place for so long. Zombies couldn’t come down here.

However, they are missing the sun. Certainly, one should not be claustrophobic to be able to live underground. True, they are a little too pale and they lack fresh air. Nevertheless, they are safe.

In this world, being safe is the most important thing.

“Levi!” A male voice shouts from the entrance to the corridor on their left.

Levi grimaces cursing under his breath. He almost laughs at the way Mikasa trips on her own feet stumbling forward with a “Shoot! It’s Kenny.”

He really didn’t want to deal with him right now. Kenny's tone shows that he is not happy and that they are going to be punished. Mikasa near him, looks as if she had swallowed something bitter. Even Mikasa, who was scared of almost nothing, backs away from Kenny’s glare. Everyone here dreads Kenny's anger.

Kenny steps out of the corridor. His tall frame emerging from the entrance, heavy footsteps echoing around the empty corridors. His brown eyes are piercing and deep, glaring at Levi as he approaches. Kenny has always been their leader in some way. It was he, who commands here. Even though he is only in his late forties and not the oldest in the base.

Humans need a leader, even more so under these circumstances. Someone who gives them hope, someone who tells them what to do, someone who takes initiative, someone who defends them, someone who maintains order. Kenny is that someone. He is as much their leader as the one who takes care of them all and protects them. His charisma, his qualities as a soldier as well as his personality, his strategic spirit and his undeniable authority do not leave doubts to put him in that position. It was he, who had picked them up one by one, who had founded their community, who had taught them to survive in this world where one could not live.

He is also the only one who had any bit of authority over Levi here. Because it was he who had raised him.

"You two have exactly thirty seconds to tell me where you’ve been and why you’ve changed your mission without warning anyone.”

Kenny's voice is cold and harsh. He racks a hand through his gray hair, cut very short, like old soldiers. Levi stiffens shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot.

“Papers. For Hange.” Mikasa pulls her stuff out of her backpack.

“What gives you the right to go away alone with one of the vehicles without asking or warning anyone?”

Levi sighs and rolls his eyes. Kenny may be their leader but he is also very dramatic when it comes to Levi. He acts as if Levi is a toddler who needs guidance. Kenny's icy glare falls on him.

“We took all the usual precautions, we used Lavender to conceal our sent, we took the car without damaging it, we were in a disused area and we had no problems there. We have paper and Hange is not gonna go crazy.” Levi points out, eyelashes batting over his grey eyes.

Kenny purses his lips.

“The next time you do an excursion of this type without warning anyone, you are deprived of going out for a month.”

Levi’s skin prickles at the thought of that. To some it’s a blessing, not having to face zombies and death outside. To him it wasn’t. Levi treasured his position as a hunter; it allowed him to be outside almost every day. The thought of being deprived of that made him uneasy. He can’t imagine living his life trapped underground, where the sun doesn’t shine.

Kenny looks at them back and forth before sighing, gripping the bridge of his, somewhat, twisted nose that had already been broken several times.

“Nevertheless you did a good job. Hange went around the rooms to grab the slightest piece of paper she can find and I think she's locked up in the infirmary right now.”

Mikasa shakes her head with a smile, imagining her girlfriend’s condition at that moment.

“Go on, hurry up and bring her oxygen.” Kenny smiles, amused, shifting to the side to let them pass. “Levi come see me afterwards.” He says glancing briefly at Levi before leaving.

Levi hears the reproach in his tone and he sighs, mentally preparing himself for the lecture to come. At least they went unpunished.

Mikasa and Levi set off for the other end of the base. People do not run here, not in those undergrounds. It is a rule that Kenny had established at their installation here. People used to run too much when they were outside. Running is equated with emergency in this world. they run for survival. If anyone were to be seen running around the base, everyone would imagine they were being invaded. So they don’t run.

The infirmary is located at the end of a long corridor, in the part of the base reserved for the rooms. It is distinguished from the others by its red door while the rest of the doors are black. Levi doesn’t like this door to be red. To him, red is blood and the infirmary was already sufficiently associated with it.

Mikasa turns the handle and enters the room without announcing herself. Hange is sitting at her desk, her glasses on her nose, examining reports of scientific tests she had written. She looks up at the intrusion and her face lit up.

Levi stands by the door as Mikasa walks over to her girlfriend and wraps her arms around Hange’s neck, clinging to her back. Hange leans against her with a sigh of relief. Levi understands that. In this world, there is no certainty of seeing those we love when we leave them, if only briefly. When we get to have a person in our lives, our soulmate, the fear that something happens to them eats you up from the inside and the relief to find it was just your imagination is just so euphoric you’d cry.

Mikasa would panic at the thought of losing Hange one day. Levi knows. She had nightmares that woke her up at night, panting, covered in cold sweat, and Hange had to reassure her by kissing her gently and assuring her that she was still there and that nothing was going to happen to her.

Mikasa had arrived here six years ago. She was eighteen at the time. Before, she lived in a colony of survivors further north of Shiganshina District. A very strict colony, where they formed fighters and warriors. Mikasa had grown up surrounded by weapons and violence. She had learned how to use a gun before she knew how to tie her shoelaces. Priorities were different there. The chiefs preferred to teach them how to handle a sword rather than to teach them to read and write. They preferred to instill in them warrior values rather than pity and compassion. Mikasa was cold. Mikasa was a fighter. Mikasa had been forged by these ideas of death and destruction, by the idea that the only things worth fighting for were survival and vengeance.

Her family had been killed, before her eyes. The zombies had taken them by surprise. Eventually a lot of human activity in one place is bound to uncover them. Mikasa's family lived on the edge of the camp. Her brother and her mother had been killed first. Her father had died a long time ago. And Mikasa was there on her own witnessing it all. Levi still remembers the scene vividly; he was the one who found her.

_Bitten by zombies and bleeding on the floor, Mikasa watched her family die. She stood frozen in place, her eyes wide as she held her breath. She couldn’t believe what she saw in front of her. There’s blood, so much blood. On her clothes, on the walls, on the floor, on her face. Blood of her parents, blood of her brother. And blood of that creature. She was trained for this; she has been working hard at camp training every day._

_This is not new to her and yet she couldn’t move or think. She was numbly staring at the corpses around her. Corpses that were her family just a few minutes ago. The room smelled of blood. Her family’s blood pooling down the floor. Her hands shook around her knees as she hugged them to her chest. She’s a coward, she was supposed to protect them, her brother was too young to know anything, her mother was powerless against them. She was the only hope they had to survive. Her father had trusted her with them and yet she let them die, on her watch._

_She turned around from the bloody mess, that the corpses formed, by the growl of zombies inching towards her. She could see her blade glinting a few inches away, if she could snatch it she would be safe, she would kill them all and get out unharmed. After all she was one of the Elites. But she couldn’t get herself to do it. What’s the point of even trying when there’s nothing left for you to fight.  It was weird how she could remain this calm when death was literally a few seconds away from her. Mikasa closes her eyes as a zombie begins to grab for her and she wonders how painful would it be to be bitten by them, teared limb from limb and left to bleed to death or turn into one of them. She held her breath tightening her hold around her knees. It’ll be over in a few seconds._

_It’s then that she heard it, the swoosh of air and the crushing of skull. And then a thud of something collapsing at her feet. She slowly opened her eyes to the sight of a headless zombie by her legs, blood oozing from its head. Her eyes widened in shock as she looked up just in time to see her savior slashing another zombie’s head with his daggers, his movements agile and precise._

_“Filthy monsters!” He grunted as he drove his dagger deep into the eyes of a third zombie approaching, blood splattering on his face. He was back to Mikasa, she couldn’t see his face. She sat frozen in place then her eyes traveled back to her mother’s corpse on the corner of the room. Her black eyes rolled to the back, mouth slacked open and her once black hair was all sticky with blood as is her face and the rest of her body._

_If she had moved faster, if she had killed them, if she had protected her family like she was supposed to, if she had been brave enough, they’d be alive right now. Her wide eyes watered, nails digging into her palms, cutting through her flesh. She doesn’t deserve to live after letting them down. She doesn’t deserve a second chance when they didn’t. She doesn’t deserve to be saved like they didn’t. Her tears fell down her cheeks and soon enough sobs wracked her body. There was screaming, so much screaming and her throat hurt. It stung and she felt it close up until he realized that the she was actually the one screaming._

_Why was this happening to her? It wasn’t supposed to go this way. They were supposed to secure their belonging and join another troop. Always move in clans and secure somewhere to live and something to eat. Being in a group provides higher rate for survival._

_The guy’s movement stilled, he stared at his shaking hands for a few seconds than took a deep breath to calm himself. He wiped the blood on his face with his sleeve and then trotted towards the crying girl, kneeling slowly next to her shaking form as she coughed._

_He glanced around them before looking at her “are you hurt ?” he asked quietly not wanting to scare her. She looked his age, give or take few years older. The latter looked up at him, her eyes wide and terrified, face red and cheeks wet with flowing tears._

_“I’m not going to hurt you.” He added, watching as she flinched away from his proximity “here” he kicked his sword away and raised his hands carefully to not startle her. “I’m Levi.”_

_Mikasa starred at him for a while and then with a trembling voice she asked, “Are they dead?”_

_For a second Levi thought she was talking about the zombies but then she added “my family, are they really dead?” her trembling fingers covered her mouth as she heaved, sobbing. “I-It’s all my F-Fault.”_

_“I’m sorry” Levi looked away from the crying girl as he felt his heart squeeze inside his chest. He cringed at his own words. He has heard them many times and he knows that it means absolutely nothing. What are we sorry for? Death? Not getting another chance? Well that is how life is. And being sorry is just a waste of time in a world like this. Sorry wouldn’t change the fact that someone died, or bring them back, nor will it help someone grief. We’re just so used to being sorry every time._

_“It’s going to be okay,” Levi said as he took the shaking girl in his arms, being far too familiar with the pain of loosing your loved ones._

_It’ was minutes later when she is finally calm and Kenny has arrived with his teammates looking worried and angry._

_Levi grimaced at the look on Kenny’s face. What he didn’t expect was the hug Kenny gave him as soon as he laid eyes on him. “Oh! thank god” he had whispered voice thick with worry._

_“I told you not to go on your own like that!” he held him at arm’s length as he screamed at him, angry. “Do you understand what you’ve done?”_

_“I- I tried to save them! I wasn’t fast enough to help them all…” Levi frowned at him. He couldn’t just hear them cry for help and not do anything. It’s what he had hoped for when he was in that situation. For someone to save him. For someone to hear his pleas and take him to safety._

_“Levi! This is not training! You could’ve been hurt or worse! Dead!  You should’ve waited for us!”_

_Kenny argued as the others secured the area around them quietly, not wanting to interfere. Levi has always been known for his impulsiveness and never abiding by the rules. This is not the first time he and Kenny has this argument nor will it be the last. Kenny raised Levi like his own son. He knows he gets hard on him sometimes, scolding and screaming, but Levi is his son and he can’t wrap his head around the fact that something will ever happen to him. Levi on the other hand hasn’t learned the lesson yet and Kenny is terrified that one day, it will be too late. He has already lost people and Levi is all he has left._

_“She would’ve died if I waited for you it would be too late! What was I supposed to do? Watch her die?” Levi stubbornly crossed his arms over his chest._

_“Even if that’s true you were just plain lucky! What would you do if you got bitten? Have you thought about that? What would I do then? Huh?” Kenny took a deep breath to calm his racing heart. “I’m not mad because you tried to save someone I’m mad because you never think! You just risk your life and play heroes on me!”_

_Levi huffed, looking away in annoyance. His nostrils flared and his cheeks reddened in anger as he grumbled to himself._

_Mikasa stared at the ground quietly as she they argued. Kenny walked towards her inspecting her for injuries, Levi on his tracks. “Are you hurt anywhere?” Kenny asks kneeling in front of her. Mikasa shook her head still starring at her smudged hands, dirt and blood on her clothes._

_“I’m Kenny. What’s your name?” He asked resting his hand on her shoulder. She looked young. Kenny felt bad for her. Losing your loved ones in front of you isn’t easy. The guilt of not being enough to save them would forever hunt you._

_“Mikasa” She murmured. She looked around at what she had once called her home and her eyes watered again. She no longer can stay here. Not with images of her family being murdered in every corner of these walls, voices screaming at her: you deserves this, it’s your fault, you weren’t enough, coward. It was just too much and she needed to get away._

_Kenny was speaking to her but she couldn’t hear him through the racing thoughts in her head. Voices so loud that she wonders if they could hear them. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a few seconds. Then she stood up ignoring whoever called her name._

_“Where are you going?” Levi’s hand on her arm stopped her, his eyes searching hers. She didn’t look at him._

_“It’s cold I don’t want to stay here.” She numbly said, eyes cold and empty. She lightly rubbed her hands together, Levi’s warm hands no longer on her skin. “I have to look for another place before it gets dark.”_

_Levi looked at her for a few seconds before taking away his coat and putting it over her shoulders. Kenny watched them interact warmly, a small smile tugging at his lips. He’s proud of the way Levi turned out to be in such a cruel world. Selfless and always ready to help._

_Kenny had always warned him from telling anyone about their home, humans are greedy and in times like this, they would go so far to secure themselves. He is well familiar with that. However, he couldn’t bring himself to let Mikasa leave. She was already alone and he knows that she can’t get somewhere safe before sunset. With years of experience, Kenny learned how to read people, and he can tell that Mikasa doesn’t have bad intentions, she didn’t ask about where they came from._

_Mikasa pulled at the coat covering her tighter enjoying the warmth of the cloth.  A luxury she will no longer be able to afford. She wonders how longer she will be able to stay alive, now that she has to fend for herself._

_Her eyes fill with tears again at the thought of having to be alone. She looked up through the blur of her tears thanking Levi when Kenny spoke “you can come with us. We can have an extra place for you.”_

_Mikasa stood there staring at him as the other men moved around them searching the place._

_Levi tugged at her cold hands to get her attention “what are you waiting for?” he asked dragging her with them, “Come on.” He adds huffing at an unresponsive Mikasa. Mikasa looks back at her family as Levi drags her. Will they feel alone now that she’s gone? Will they be cold when winter comes? Will they hate her for not being strong enough for them? She tugged at Levi’s hand and slipped away from his grasp. She walked over to her mother first, with shaking hands she cover her eyes shut. Then she proceeds by taking a cloth from the closet and dropping it over her dead body, tears streaming down her face._

_“I’m so sorry! I don’t even have time to bury you.” She sobs quietly, dropping next to her brother. “I hope there’s something better out there for you. This isn’t a life worth living anyway, not for an angel like you.”_

_Levi’s eyes sting at her words and he looked away feeling guilty for intruding on intimate and private moments. He wanted to help her bury them, but he knows they couldn’t. He hated how unfair this world is. Not only do they lose their loved ones but sometimes they don’t even have a body to return or the possibility to bury them. They are forced to let them rot wherever they died or get eaten by other zombies._

_He gave Mikasa a few more minutes with her family then he kneeled beside her. She can tell that it’s time to go. The others regrouped around them, their bags full with useful things they found, ready to leave. “I’m sorry, we have to go. It’s getting dark.” He said, gently rubbing at her back. She nodded wiping on her tear strained face and held his outstretched hand as he pulled her up._

_Kenny watched his son fondly. Levi always acted cold and unimpressed but Kenny knows that under that façade, deep down, he has a good heart_

_“Let’s go then.” Kenny said as he collects Levi’s daggers from the ground._

Since that day, Mikasa knew she could trust Levi with her life. Levi had brought her back and made her his best friend. He had given her a home and a family. She had great difficulty in making friends in the base; some women envied or feared her, while some men didn’t like her for having such a strong role in their community. It doesn’t matter in what situation the world is: men rarely appreciate having their destiny handed to the hands of a woman stronger than them. She and Levi make a perfect team. Mikasa is strict, always calm and flexible. Levi was stubborn, let no one tell him what to do and has the tendency to be impulsive. Both were cynical, and had the same sense of sarcasm. Mikasa had taught Levi how to use a sword properly; Levi had taught her that life isn’t just death and zombies, He taught her how to live for something that isn’t vengeance and war. He gave her the choice. _“You don’t have to fight anymore if you don’t want to.”_ He had said to her. He gave her the freedom to choose her position in this community.

Then Mikasa met Hange. And she finally understood. She had grasped that it was not only death and vengeance, indeed. There is love too.

“I have a surprise for you, babe.”

Mikasa straightens up. Slides her backpack from her shoulder and lays it on the desk in front of Hange. Hange looks up at her cautiously through the rim of her glasses, before opening the bag. Her gestures became more excited as she begins to take out the sheets and notebooks that Mikasa had found in the offices she and Levi just searched.

“ _Oh my god_! Papers, Notebooks!” Hange squeals in delight and turns around to crush her lips against Mikasa's. “ _Papers!_ ” She says in disbelief.

"You're the best girlfriend I could ever have in this life or any other life," She whispers against Mikasa’s lips who giggles blushing. Hands caressing Hange's lower back, taking in her warmth. They’re here, they’re safe.

Levi fakes gagging noises. He is in every way touched by how Hange and Mikasa are fucking adorable together. However, he is definitely not into watching them make out on the desk. It’s not his thing.

“And _that_ , is my cue to go before my pure and innocent eyes witness—”

Hange pulls away from the kiss and burst out laughing.

"You? Pure and innocent? There is no less pure and innocent than you in the whole base, Erwin can confirm that.”

Levi smirks at them. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”          

Hange jumps to hug him.

“Thank you, Levi.”

“I couldn’t leave you in distress without intervening. You were starting to be unbearable and Mikasa would have killed me for not doing something about it.” Levi sighs, dramatically. “I wonder what you’d do without me.”

Hange laughs and let go of Levi after she had said that they would see each other at lunch.

The problem is that Levi is starving and that lunch is not before an hour or two. However, he knows where to find food without having to go through the kitchen and its restrictions. He takes the opposite direction to the infirmary, returning to the HQ and stopping outside the door of a rather singular room.

Drawings and scraps are hanging on the door, such as "Do not enter without knocking", "If you come to steal my food, you can go get eaten by a zombie" or "My sleep is sacred, anyone who disturbs it exposes himself to a particularly painful death ". Ignoring these adorable warnings, as always, Levi knocks before entering without waiting for an answer.

“Damn it, Levi!” A shriek comes from the back of the room. “You scared me! How many times have I told you to knock before you get in?”

“How do you even know it’s me?”

Levi smiles before turning to his friend, standing in front of the bench that ran across the back wall, covered with all sorts of tinkers, wires, engine parts, plastics, rubber, basically a huge mess of equipment.

“One can tell from the way you knock, you’re abusing the door! Besides, you always burst in my room as if you own the fucking place. What if I had been with a charming girl?”

“You're a virgin, Armin, we both know that, and it's not likely to change in the immediate future, unless Sasha decides to give in to your ... I’m not sure whether staring creepily at her and giving her some of your food can be considered as  "advances".”

Armin wipes his forehead, smudging black traces against his creamy pale skin, his hands stained with engine grease and other substances. His silver blond hair was a mess, bristling in all directions; bangs framing his face and shielding his eyes. He turns around, intense blue eyes sparkling, playfully glaring at him. Levi often thinks that Armin's eyes are one of the few magnificent things that remained in this life. Full of hope and joy.  He is so adorable, all the time, especially when he blushes. Armin mutters a “whatever” and changes the subject ignoring Levi’s comments on his love life.

“I heard Kenny shouting earlier. What did you and Mikasa do this time?”

Levi flops down on Armin's bed, to his right. Armin is the only one to have a room of his own in the base. With his bench, his tools, his models and his projects, there would not have been enough room for a second person. If Armin had lived a few decades earlier, Levi is convinced he would have been one of those people who spent their time on computers, reading books and inventing stuff a... Nerd.

Armin would have been a Nerd. He spends his time tinkering with everything he finds, whether electronic, mechanical or simply everyday use. Levi has to admit that he is a genius. Without him, they probably would not have electricity here. He had the idea to use the solar panels that they had found in a neighboring factory and produce the electricity they lacked.

It was also him, who had thought to reconnect the wind turbines near the base to provide them with the remaining energy. He who allowed them to have useable water through his systems of filtering and recovery of rainwater. He restored all the things that could improve their lives, like the old record player in the HQ and even some consoles and computers for children. Armin was James Bond's Q in that base. Seventeen years old and already has an important role to everyone.

Levi grunts in annoyance as he heard Armin's question.

“As if I’m the only one here to anger him!”

“There’s no one else in this whole base who is as annoying as you are.”

“Whatever. We went out without permission. "

Noticing the unimpressed glance Armin had given him, Levi raises both hands to show his innocence.

“It was for Hange!”

A flash of understanding passes over Armin's face as he takes a cloth to wipe his hands.

“She came by earlier to find out if I could lend her from my paper supply. The thing is, I also need it for my work. We are the only two people who need this shit in this base.”

It is true. Armin took care of the whole physical part, tinkering, while Hange was in charge of the chemistry part. In addition to taking over from the community doctor, who died six months earlier on a field trip, she works on medication. Everything that could be of use to care for the residents is welcomed and Hange worked hard on it.

She is looking for a cure too. A cure for the virus that had decimated the human population and killed or transformed 90% of Paradise Island. They had no idea what is happening around the world. All means of connections were lost during the War of the Planets and there was nothing left to inform them of life outside of Paradise. Hange is sure there had to be a cure. It could not have been otherwise. Any disease should be able to be combated. For the time being, however, it did not seem that the "Death Virus that kills", as Levi called it when he was a kid, could be fought by something other than a shotgun and a brain explosion.

“Fortunately we’ve found enough stacks of paper for her, if not; I think she would have plucked out her hair.”

“And you couldn’t just ask Kenny for permission to go out rather than sneak out?” Armin raises his eyebrows in suspicion.

Levi glares at him slipping a loose strand from his black hair behind his ear.

“No need to be a smart ass, now!”

Armin scoffs. “Obviously, Levi can never abide by the rules. You're always doing what’s in your head, you're fucking crazy!” He shakes his head in mock-disappointment.

Levi laughs before lying flat on his stomach to search Armin's bedside table, who utters a cry of protest when he notices.

"What do you think you’re _doing_?" He gasps, jumping on him to snatch the cake he had in his hands. “It was Mama who cooked it for my exclusive privilege, so you get your dirty hands from there before I tear your fingers away with my teeth.”

“But I'm hungry! Armiiiin, please.” Levi’s attempt at puppy eyes didn’t seem to work on Armin who keeps tugging at his hands.

“Nope. Leave it alone shorty! I share my food with nobody, let alone with peasants who allow themselves to take over _my_ bed shamelessly and enter _my_ room without knocking at a time when I could possibly be masturbating!”

Levi bursts out laughing; his grasp on the cake loosens enough for Armin to snatch the cake from his hands. Armin is a ray of sunshine. Even if this bastard refuses to give him some of his food.

“It’s almost time to eat anyway so get your ass of my bed and be useful.”

While Levi was laughing, Eren was running. 


	2. Save me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, here I am again with Chapter 2. I will try to post a chapter every week/Weekend if uni didn’t kill me, it will be according to the time I have.  
> Thank you for reading. Also leaving feedback helps so if you want to please do that :)  
> 

The cafeteria is already crowded when Levi and Armin join everyone for lunch. Levi had succeeded in making Armin a little more presentable for Sasha. He cleaned his forehead with a great deal of saliva under the protestations of the blonde-haired boy, who ordered him with horror all over his face to keep his drool-covered fingers away from his precious face. Levi is just a purely disgusting human and sometimes Armin wonders what he did to deserve this treatment.

With a tray in hand, they walk to the counters, greeting those they pass by. Levi wonders if life was this way _before_ , in this base or even in schools. They had found this place ready, as if the previous occupants had just evacuated without taking anything with them. They had simply taken the place of the previous inhabitants.

Levi and Armin advance with their trays to the cooks. Mama, the matriarch, is there with Hitch and Sasha, like every time. Mama, whose real name is Kuchel, is in her fifties and is behaving with all the residents, whether they were younger or older than her, as if they are her children. She is well-endowed, with piercing black eyes and a curvy, tall build. She is never good at keeping her tongue in her mouth and has no filter whatsoever. Her strong character and her total lack of reluctance to scold anyone, gives her great authority among them. Even over Kenny. Kuchel watches over them all, but does not hesitate for a moment to draw the ears-literally-from anyone who crosses the limits. Like a mother.

Armin is her baby. With his angelic face, his joy, enthusiasm, and his blue eyes. Armin had been taken under the wing of Mama as soon as he arrived here seven years ago. Which is convenient since Mama is the chef cook and Armin's stomach is a never-ending abyss.

“What do we have today, Mama?”

Kuchel winks at him, casting her black hair back:

“For you, my dear, only delicious food.”

She serves him mashed potatoes and dried beef before adding a cake with a smile adorning her face.

“There's favoritism here, I’m jealous.” Levi whines as Mama serves him his portion of food.

She gives him a dazzling smile as she hands him his plate:

“You know that we always favor the younger ones, love.”

Levi gasps in a fake offended tone:

“I'm only four years older than he is!”

Mama shrugs her shoulders and caresses his cheek with tenderness, her black eyes sparkling:

“Armin will always be our baby, you know it. Besides you're a big boy now.”

Levi pouts and walks away with his tray leaving a giggling Kuchel behind. It is true. Levi is no longer seen as a child by his peers, while Armin still is. Levi is only four years older than he is, but he comes out of the base every day. He had learned to fight, to take things in hand, to shoot, and to kill so early in his life. The head of a mission could not be considered a child, and Levi had often been delegated to this task. Because he is Kenny's adopted son, command and war were pulsing in him. Levi is like that since he was a child. He was even the chief of the troop when he played with the few other children back at the time.

Levi rejoins Armin at a long table on the right. Kenny and Tomas are already there. Tomas, Kenny's right hand looks his way and they nod at each other. Levi likes him a lot. He’s always calm, always patient even at critical situations and that makes him a great mentor. Despite him being in his forties, his short hair is already gray making him look older. And with his tall build and the scar slashing his right cheek he looks intimidating. His wife, Lynne, is at his side, throwing her brown hair back and casting a disdainful glance at Levi with her blue eyes as she approaches the table. Lynne doesn’t like Levi, considering him a spoiled brat who never listens to what he’s told and it is mutual. Levi, however, doesn’t snoop on anyone’s business like _some people_ do. He just does his job and ignores what doesn’t concern him. 

Hange and Mikasa are there too, near Armin. Levi notes how they almost can’t help touching each other when they are together. In a world full of atrocities, Levi appreciates these soft moments between his closest friends. It’s always heartwarming to witness. It’s their thighs against each other under the table, their elbows pressing lightly, Hange’s hand on Mikasa's arm, Mikasa's arm around Hange's shoulders. As if they need to know that, it is real, that they are here with each other. Right now, Hange is leaning against Mikasa’s shoulder, waiting for their friends to eat. She looks up at Levi as he arrives to settle down near Armin, pushing Erwin and Connie to get closer to him, and smiles.

“Of course, you may step on me to get to Armin! It’s not like the space here isn’t enough for you or anything.” Erwin huffs beside him, settling properly in his seat after Levi’s violent nudging.

Erwin’s tall form hovers over Levi, piercing blue eyes glaring. Erwin is a handsome person with whom Levi shares his room, and not so much affinity. Complicated relationship.

“Do you see this ass?” Levi points at his behind, putting his tray on the table. “It doesn’t fit in that small space you left for me.”

Erwin mumbles as they all laugh and Levi kisses his cheek, petting him on the head. He seizes Erwin’s knife and fork from his hands and smiles sweetly at him. “I forgot to bring mine and you’re done anyway.” Erwin chuckles, shaking his head in response.

“So, guys, how did it go this morning? I heard Kenny shouting from my room when he realized you had gone missing, Levi.” Connie says from the other side of Erwin.

Kenny had left the table for several minutes when Connie asked the question. Levi shrugs when the table goes silent to hear what he has to say. Connie might have been three years older than he is but he is a fucking gossip. Levi has never met anyone who was as much inclined to gossip as he is.

Yet, God knows that Mina, the brown-haired girl whom Levi saw at a different table, had a viper tongue. Levi have had many fights with her in the past when she had the misfortune to get a word spread around about Armin. No one touches or speaks badly of Armin. Armin is their baby, as Mama had said.

“We went out. We took the electric car. We were in the old building about ten kilometers away, where there were offices before. We took what we needed.”

“You used so much electricity for paper? Seriously?”

The car they used is one of those small models that has been developed before Contamination. It only works on electricity, which is very useful to them because of the gasoline shortage of the last few years. Like everything else here, it worked with solar energy, through the panels on it. Many of these cars are in circulation during the Contamination, as the landowners gradually got used to the idea that they might have to take more care of their planet rather than keep busy with their profit. A chance for the survivors today.

If Connie seemed to be worried at the moment, it was because the weather is not good in Eldia. Both the solar panels and the wind turbines provide the electricity they needed for the base. Which compensated for the lack of sun. But that was not the case for the car. Fortunately, they were in summer and the car would be recharged quickly, otherwise they would have had more problems than that.

Levi clenches his jaw, fists balling on the table. He sees Mikasa’s lips brushing over Hange's temple, feeling her stiffen beside her. Hange flushes in embarrassment, realizing that it’s her fault they have used so much energy.

 “Of course! It’s not for you either way; you can’t even count to 10. You won’t know its importance.”

 Connie scowls at Levi's remark, but continues his interrogation:

 “No Zombies on the horizon or did you get us in trouble like always?”

Erwin elbows Connie, casting a reproachful glance at him. Levi sighs, rolling his eyes as he tries not to snap at him from across the table and plant his fork on Connie’s forehead. How Erwin tolerates his best friend’s company is beyond Levi.

“We did not have any problems,” Mikasa replies, voice even. “And maybe you should really focus on your food wouldn’t that be great? It’s not like you’ll have to fight them or anything. Calm down.”

Mikasa has a _thing_ that makes anyone accept what she says without discussion, which appeased those around her. Her cool attitude has to rub off on the others since she keeps calm in almost all circumstances, whether she is eating chicken or cutting a zombie's head. Levi, far from being like that, envies her sometimes.

Connie doesn’t reply and Mikasa winks at Levi when he looks at her, thankful. A voice calls Levi from the other end of the room. _Kenny_. Everyone turns in their chairs to watch Levi; based on his reaction to Kenny calling him they can tell if something is wrong. No one likes being called by Kenny to his office. Except, Levi is Levi and he is not at all afraid of his adoptive father or his dramatic anger. He swallows the rest of his puree in fourth gear as Armin grumbles that he could have left him some instead, and hurries to join Kenny.

"Look," Levi says as soon as he steps into his father's office door. “I know that I should not have gone out like this without asking anyone and that it was for my safety, and that it could have been dangerous, and that it would be a planetary catastrophe if I died, and I cannot drive Mikasa with me as I pleased. But I'm already aware of it so if your lecture could be shortened it would be nice, because I have to help Miche sorting–”

“That's not why I brought you in,” Kenny interrupts him waving around with his hand.

Sitting in the chair behind his solid oak desk, he seems concerned suddenly. His dark brown eyes are riveted on his fingers as he fidgets with them.

“What’s wrong?” Levi asks, walking around the desk and putting his hand over Kenny's shoulder.

Kenny sighs.

“Ellie fell.”

Levi shudders at his words. Ellie is one of the very few children in the base. An angel, a four-year-old girl with huge green eyes and golden hair. If they lose her as well... Levi doesn’t even want to think about it.

“Fell? What do you mean she fell?”

“Nothing serious, don’t worry. She was playing with little Marcel and she fell on her face. The problem is that Hange searched her reserves for treatment and found that the bandages and other gauzes are almost over. The dozens of rolls found in the basement of this pharmacy years ago are starting to run out. I don’t want to be short on anything in case of emergency.” Kenny rubs at his eyes and Levi realizes how tired he looks.

“Is that what worries you so much? We're gonna find bandages, don’t worry about that.”

“And where exactly are we gonna find that? Look around you Levi, there’s nothing.”

Levi leans against the desk, crossing his arms over his chest, thoughtful. 

“Some time ago, we were in a factory about twenty kilometers from here, do you remember?” Kenny nods, frowning. “It was a fabric factory. We had left quite a bit there. Disposable dressings, we know from a lease that we will not be able to use them for long. If we use clean linen on the other hand, we could get out of it. Hange had this idea a while ago, but Lynne shut her down. Except that Lynne knows nothing and doesn’t even move her ass to find a solution and—”

 Kenny rolls his eyes and holds his hand up interrupting Levi’s rant on Lynne. 

“Alright! Alright! It is a very good idea, why didn’t Hange tell me about this?”

“You know how she is. She is always worried that she’d be disturbing you.”

“Well she’s wrong. You should pass her a bit of your ego.” Kenny says, shoving at Levi’s shoulder playfully.

Levi scoffs and turns around the desk to head for the exit. It is common for Kenny to comment on problems they encounter every day. Levi, in spite of his shitty character and his twenty-one years, has a critical, strategic and analytical mind that lacks around here. He has the ability to, totally set aside his emotions and concentrates to accomplish his tasks, just like Kenny.

Which is why he seems cold and detached at times, which is in total contradiction with who Levi really is. Levi is passionate about everything he does. He knows just how to control himself better than others do in certain occasions. That is also, why some, like Lynne, had trouble connecting with him. His practical persona makes him seem like a robot.

"You leave tomorrow morning at dawn. Take Mikasa and Erwin with you.”

Levi stops in his tracks, eyes comically wide as he stares at Kenny.

“Mikasa and Erwin? They don’t….” He pauses looking for his words. “…Get along. They really, _really,_ don’t get along.”

“Nile and Miche are busy, so they will have to deal with it. We're not in holiday camp here.”

Kenny often talks about life before Contamination, things that no longer exist. Like holiday camps. Kenny had known all of this when he was a child. He was eighteen when the virus had spread. That was thirty-two years ago.

Some have experienced the pre-contamination era in their community. Levi likes to sit at night in the HQ, while they are all slumped in the sofas, and listen to their stories, of a time when everything was simpler. A time when it was enough to go to certain places to have food, where one could walk in parks with his children and go to school to learn, where one was not afraid to go out and to be eaten by an _old friend._

“All right,” Levi sighs. “Mikasa, Erwin and me. Just us? We don’t take Nile or Miche?” He asks, referring to the other team of hunters, who were usually part of the expedition team. 

Kenny shakes his head:

“They're taking care of Woody tomorrow and it takes space in the car to bring back the maximum amount of fabric. Just you three and take the Range Rover this time.”

Levi feels a thrill of excitement running through his body. He loves driving this car. He loves the way the diesel engine hums under the hood. Nevertheless, he protests:

“We don’t have much gasoline at our disposal.” He reminds him.

“But you'll have three times less space in Woody.”

Woody. The electric car. Armin had called it like that when Levi had told him about toy story years ago. Go figure why. 

“Okay. We'll take the Range Rover. I'll tell the others.”

**

Hange cringes at the announcement that Levi and Mikasa would be leaving again on expedition when they have just returned a few hours earlier. However, Mikasa is a warrior. If there is a person who could survive out there, it is her, in addition to Levi. 

Hange leans against Mikasa's chest, who is laying on the sofa, to read more comfortably. Mikasa kisses her hair and continues to chat with Levi. Slumped in the chair next to them is Petra, a young woman of about twenty years who would have had Levi at her feet if he had been straight. She’s Mama’s daughter and despite the fact that she looks more like her father with her light brown hair and green eyes, one could tell she is Kuchel’s. Petra’s deceiving cute looks makes it surprising when one falls under her sharp tongue. It is refreshing especially that even after the apocalypse, humans are not necessarily honest.

“Where's Armin?” Hange asks, looking up from her book.

“In his room. He’s busy with some project that I have no idea of. He'll be laying a mechanical chicken soon, I’m telling you.” Levi says laughing as Mikasa keeps kicking his legs off her face.

“Ilse is pregnant” Petra drops blankly.

Mikasa, Levi and Hange stare at her with bewildered eyes, laughter dying down.

“W-What?” Levi drops from his seat, almost chocking on his own spit.

Petra sighs rolling her eyes at their dramatic reaction. 

“A baby. You know how to make babies, right? A daddy plants a seed in mommy’s—”

Levi holds his hand up, interrupting her nonsense as he stands up and regains his seat.

“The father is ... Furlan?” He whispers thickly, trying to control the emotion in his voice.

Petra nods, taking her head in her hands. The others understood why. Furlan had died a month and a half ago. Levi still has nightmares at night. Furlan was his oldest friend. _Before_. Before a zombie bit him and he tried to kill Levi by turning into one.

Ah! Yes. Because in addition to being able to kill humans by eating them, zombies could also turn them into one of their own by a simple bite. Kind of a double death.

“Why didn’t she tell me?” 

Furlan and him were like brothers. Which made Ilse his sister-in-law, sort of. Levi would always be there for her. He would be there for that baby. He would be there to help them, for Furlan.

“You're not often here, Lee, right now ... Kenny gives you more and more responsibilities. She didn’t want to distract you.”

“She wouldn’t have—”

Petra takes his hand into hers, comforting.

“Leave her time. She'll come and talk to you when she's ready.” She rubs at his skin, speaking softly to him.

Levi covers his eyes with his free arm.

“This is madness. Children in this hell? We shouldn’t be making children here. One shouldn’t even get attached too much to people or fall in love. This is madness.”

It is when he uncovers his eyes that he realizes what he had just said. Mikasa and Hange are stretched on the couch, looking uncomfortable, and Petra glares at him reproachfully.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t talking about you. Mikasa is capable of killing thirty zombies on her own. It's not going to happen to you.”

They didn’t seem convinced by his apology and Levi felt guilty. He slips from the chair and kneels down on the sofa before putting his forehead on Hange's shoulder like a child.

"I’m sorry," he repeats again. “I am an idiot. I did not mean that. I said that for myself. I could never fall in love in this world, but I can’t imagine a world in which you two would not be. You are meant to be together.”

He means it and they know it. Hange ruffles his hair in response. They sometimes forgot that Levi is younger than them. Hange is twenty-five, Mikasa twenty-three, Levi twenty-one. Levi still speaks without a filter often, his thoughts going out without him having time to hold them back.

 Mikasa and Hange are aware of that. And they love Levi for who he is.

**

Levi throws his head back, moaning, his hands buried in Erwin's hair, his eyes closed, his body sweating. Erwin was _fucking good_ with his mouth, especially when it comes to Levi’s dick.

Yes. Complicated relationship. That is to say that Levi and Erwin, roommates, fuck without being together. They take advantage of life. Without strings attached. Levi doesn’t know love. Doesn’t care or look for it. Not even with Erwin. In another life, they would have been called "sex friends". What they share is just pure sex, good, amazing, Mind-blowing sex. Nothing else. Levi knows nothing else. Levi wants nothing else.

**

“Wake up, Lazy!” Levi says, shaking Erwin by the shoulder as he prepares to leave.

Erwin groans and tries to catch Levi’s arm to draw him into the bed. Levi pulls away and finishes buttoning up his pants.

“Erwin, I'm not joking around, we’re leaving in half an hour, so you move your ass right now.”

“You're really annoying so early in the morning. Can’t you be kind and gentle, maybe watch me sleep and kiss me lovingly to wake me up?”

“Hell no!” Levi retorts dryly.

The day when he would deprive himself of sleep to watch someone else sleep and wake him up with a kiss would never happen ... probably never in the current state of things. Levi isn’t like that. Especially not with someone he uses for purely sexual purposes.

He swings a cushion over Erwin and walks to the shelves decorating the room after putting on an old black T-shirt and boots. He grabs a small revolver that he slips close to his ankle, places his two daggers in their crossed cases on the top of his back, puts a Glock on his belt and pulls the lanyard of his submachine gun over his shoulder. 

“I'm glad to come with you,” Erwin says back to him, naked body padding around the room in search for his clothes. His voice is thick with sleep dropping lower octaves and Levi loves it. “You tend to be a bit too dark when you're in the heat of action.”

“Mikasa is there to calm me down.”

Levi freezes when he hears nothing but silence behind him. Has he just implied that Erwin had no influence over him and that it is useless for him to come?

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Nevertheless, Levi has no need of Erwin. Erwin sees him as a person to protect because Levi is two years younger and smaller than him and it would have been cute that he cared that much but Levi doesn’t like it. Anyone else in the base knows that Levi doesn’t need to be protected.

He grabs his backpack, swings it on the other shoulder, kisses Erwin's cheek as means of forgiveness and leaves the room after promising him to deprive him of sex for three weeks if he doesn’t move his pretty ass. 

Mikasa is waiting for him in the cafeteria, eating. She pushes towards him the bread that Mama had prepared for them the day before. Levi takes a bite, settling on his seat, and moaning at the delicious bread.

“I'd be ready to go on a mission every day if Mama would make bread like this every time.”

“She does it to comfort us. For our probable last meal to be something edible,” Mikasa laughs. “Where is Erwin?”

“In bed.” Levi sighs, rolling his eyes. “I told him to be quick. If he doesn’t show up in ten minutes I’ll literally leave without him.”

“Is he even in a condition to move?” Mikasa smirks at him through the rim of her mug. “You’re very… _energetic_. No wonder he’s still in bed.”

Levi glares at her as she bites her lips not to laugh.

“Thank you for your concern, I assure you he can walk today.”

“You know I love you, right?” Levi narrows his eyes at her words. “But you do realize you’re being a dick to him right?”

Levi gasps almost choking on his bread.

“What? Why? What did I do?”

Mikasa rolls her eyes.

“You're using him for sex. He has feeling for you.”

“Nonsense.”

Mikasa grabs Levi's face and forces him to look at her.

“He is in love with you. Pretty much anyone can see it but you.”

Levi snaps his head away, gritting his teeth. 

“No. You’re wrong.”

Mikasa stares at him for a few seconds then shrugs. Levi is stubborn. He would never admit what he doesn’t want to admit.

“We'll talk about it again in a few weeks or days. Depending on when he decides to tell you.”

Erwin chooses that moment to make an appearance and Levi has never been grateful. He drops onto the bench near Levi and drowns in the coffee that Mikasa gave him.

“Your hair is a mess! There’s a tuff there.” Levi scoffs, pointing at Erwin’s hair, not daring to fix it himself after Mikasa’s words and Erwin’s eyes on him.

“That's part of my charm, my love.”

Mikasa abandons them for a few minutes to get the food that Mama and Sasha had prepared for the excursion, leaving them alone. _Damn you Mikasa!_ Levi can’t help but think of what she said. Erwin can’t have feelings for him, they have talked about this being just for fun. He can’t be in love, right?

 “Are you okay?” Erwin inches closer to Levi as he speaks. He frowns, observing Levi’s pensive face. 

Levi shakes his head at his ridiculous thoughts and looks at Erwin, thick eyebrows furrowed in worry.

“I just hope we don’t run into a factory full of Walkers.” Levi sighs, closing his eyes briefly. She’s wrong nothing changed between them.

“You don’t have to worry about that, I'll protect you.”  Erwin says as he leans in to kiss Levi's forehead.

Levi purses his lips but says nothing. He’s perfectly capable of defending himself. He’s not a helpless little thing, but once again Erwin likes to feel that he could protect him. Although Levi doesn’t like it, it keeps Erwin pleased and in return Erwin keeps him pleased, so he keeps quiet.

Erwin swings his mug and swallows the rest of his coffee. With a piece of bread in his mouth, he stands up and grabs his things when Mikasa shows up again.

“I'm good to go guys.” He says in between bites. “Let's kill some zombies.”

Mikasa grunts, rolling her eyes.

This is going to be a long day.

**

Erwin parks the Range Rover near the factory they were aiming for. Levi got mad that he’s not going to drive so he decided to take a nap in the backseat. Mikasa scans the factory before them. It is a large red brick building with several huge chimneys at its top. Large closed wooden doors marked the entrance, closed by chains and padlocks which no one had teared open. The surroundings are deserted. No humans, no zombies. This area had been one of the hardest hit by the virus. There were no survivors. Hence the fact that the chains were still in place.

“Levi said they found a door behind the factory that leads to the basement. Hopefully, we can use it.”

Erwin nods at Mikasa's words. There has been a lot of tension between these two lately. Erwin doesn’t like that Mikasa understand Levi so much and that Levi still leans on her instead of him; Mikasa doesn’t like the possessiveness and protective side of Erwin towards Levi, almost suffocating him. Levi is a free as bird. Mikasa doesn’t like anyone who threatens that freedom, that aspect of Levi that makes him who he is.

However, outside, there is no room for fights. They’re either, together as a team or they’re dead.

Mikasa shakes Levi’s shoulder to wake him up. The latter straightens up, rubbing his eyes.

“You should’ve woken me up earlier,” he says as he stretches “I probably look like shit.” He jokes.

“No you’re gorgeous as always, babe.” Erwin says as he gets off the car.

Levi ignores Mikasa’s pointed look in the rear-view mirror and, gets off with his weapons and his backpack.

“we’ll use the door from behind.”

The three companions walk towards the back of the building after checking the surroundings without making noise. It is second nature to them now, moving noiselessly. To not attract attention. Checking everything, securing the surroundings. Danger is everywhere, constantly.

Levi finds the door at the back, down a few steps. They sink into the darkness of the shed. Thankfully Mikasa had the excellent idea of bringing one of the solar torches. The basement of the factory is quite chilling. Filled with shadows, cardboard, traces of those who had worked there decades ago. Levi grabs a cardboard box to search it.

“We need clothes. It’s not a luxury in this situation. Our clothes are beginning to wear out, "he says, touching the worn knees of his black pants. “We check what is in it and we take the necessary. Pack in the boxes you find to keep up space.”

Erwin nods and begins to search the boxes as the others do the same. Pants, tops, underwear, several sizes, men and women. The last time Levi came here was to find a refuge, pursued by a horde of zombies. He didn’t have too much time to shop.

They make two round trips to the car, stuffing the boxes in the trunk, before returning to the factory.

“We need tissue scraps for the bandages.” Mikasa says after a while as they go further into the factory. 

They climb one floor to find themselves in the middle of machines. Levi looks around, fascinated. All these old robots and engines seem to him from another era - and they are. Another life. Kenny had told him that these engines made a huge noise when they are switched on. He would have liked to hear them, if only once. Levi has always been interested in everything Pre-contamination related. The silence in this immense building is keeping them safe and as eager as he is to discover everything he wants to stay alive.

They find, in a room at the bottom, what they are looking for.  They pack bandages and other supplies in their bags. Again, they make several round trips to the car and back to the factory. They’re not counting on coming here anytime soon, they can’t afford to leave what might be of use to them.

Mikasa packs scissors, hammers and other tools that might be useful to Armin. A pair of glasses, safety shoes and blouses, various cables.

They never left each other. It was the inconvenience of being three and not four for this expedition, they are wasting time not to leave one alone. Wasting time is better than dying. They finally return to the Range Rover with a final tour and Erwin closes the trunk with a sigh of relief, eager to go home.

It is then that Levi hears the groans.

He freezes. The grunts of zombies are particular. Raucous, guttural, low. All the more frightening and loud when they are hunting in number.

Levi pulls out his gun, imposing silence on the others with a finger to his lips. _They are here._ Numerous and agitated. On the side of the factory, to their right. They can’t see them but they can hear them. 

“We're off. Now!” Erwin whispers what seemed to be a command that Levi ignores.

“They are not here for us.” Levi frowns, looking at Mikasa. “There's someone else here. A human.”

Erwin tries to catch him by the arm but Levi slips away. He stealthily darts toward the corner of the building, Mikasa on his heels, weapons in hand. Levi leans against the wall and glances at the source of the noise. His blood chills in his veins.

On the side of the factory, a pile of sheet metal, crates and debris of every kind was piled up against the wall. Zombies gather on the side of this heterogeneous cluster, searching as much as they could with their outstretched limbs, with urgency that Levi only recognizes in them when they are hunting.

There _must_ be a human here.

Levi removes the safety of his weapon, but is stopped by Mikasa’s hand on his shoulder as he makes to move. 

“We're gonna get killed. They're too many. We can’t attack them head on.”

“I will not let a survivor get eaten and leave without doing anything.”

“I didn’t say that.”

Mikasa's gaze pierces him and Levi immediately understands what she’s getting at, without her saying it. Spending so much time together outside, struggling for survival and fighting together, they no longer need words to understand each other.

“Can anyone tell me what's going on here?” Erwin whisper shouts, behind Mikasa, obviously unhappy for not being able to decipher the message circulating between the two teammates.

“Diversion,” they whisper at the same time.

“I'm going inside. Stay here.”

Levi turns and walks down the stairs to the basement of the factory. He runs through the place, climbs up the steps leading to the engine room, and puts his gun in his holster at his waist, scanning the surroundings. A solution. He needs a solution before the human is consumed.

 Levi has to attract their attention. That means he has to make a noise. Levi rushes into the control room. He presses all the buttons at his disposal with annoyance, unsuccessfully. Nothing seems to work no matter what button he presses.

As he looks around, it hits him. _Manual_.

Kenny had explained to him one day that in some factories, before they robotized everything, they could switch on machines manually. The majority of industrial activity had incorporated these devices into all their machines after the attack that had targeted an Eldian power station in the 2020s. Much of Eldia had been plunged into darkness for weeks and activity had been paralyzed. For the big promoters and the powerful, it was inconceivable. Too much financial loss to handle. Mechanisms had been incorporated into the factories so that some machines could operate only with an emergency generator.

Levi had to find the _fucking_ joystick controlling this _damn_ emergency generator that would allow him to put this _damn_ factory back on before these zombies eat the other human.

Levi stumbles into the corridor. _Where could a device of such importance be?_ He looks around, his eyes spotting the supervisor's room, overlooking the rest of the machines. He begins to run again and climbs the stairs leading to the office. Cardboard, an oak desk, papers everywhere piled the room. On the wall, a control panel. Levi rushes to it and stares at it urgently. He finally finds what he’s looking for and pulls at the handle.

A shudder runs through him as he hears the loud noise that was beginning to rise from the engine room. A rumbling sound accompanied by rattling is heard. Levi doesn’t even know how it is possible. He thought the machines would be rusted or damaged, but it worked. The treadmills had begun to work.

It is incredible. Levi has never heard such loud noise in his life. Except he doesn’t have time to linger on it. He can’t hear any outside noise but he suspects that the zombies’ attention is attracted enough now. However, they can’t go into the factory. The doors are locked. Therefore, Levi has to open it. He rushes to the old entrance of the delivery trucks and actuates the lever allowing their opening.

The iron curtain rises gradually in a rattling almost as deafening as the sound of the machines. Levi glances outside to observe the surroundings. He is about twenty yards on the left of the cluster and the zombies, who had stopped rummaging through the debris and had their nose raised towards the building.

“HEY!” He screams in their direction.

Twenty-one-years old and suicidal.

The heads of the contaminated snap in his direction. He waves at them and screams more to keep their attention to him. And as the zombies begin to move, Levi begins to run.

He is already in the middle of the room when they burst inside. They are dozens. Dozens and dozens of corpses with dirty, pale skin, cheeks stained with dirt and blood, red and swollen eyes, mouth open on their stained teeth. Of all ages, all sizes, all weights and all genders. The worst is the children. Levi has always had trouble with the contaminated children. Pulling the trigger against them is always harder even though they’re no longer human.

Levi slows down when he realizes that the zombies had scattered on the sides. He has not foreseen that they would also block the exit from the basement. However, as in any situation, as every time he enters somewhere, he has another alternative of withdrawal. The first zombie is only a few meters behind him. Levi pushes himself to run faster and climbs the stairs to the corridor that stretch along the windows that crowned the top of the building. He rushes on the latch unlocking the outside opening. _Nothing._ He tries again _. Nothing._ And again _. Nothing_. The handle refuses to turn. The window refuses to open. The corpses come behind him.

Levi _refuses_ to panic. He simply couldn’t afford to panic. _Never._

He looks around. The passageway on which he stands runs along the top of the building, near the windows. Beyond the windows, the roofs of the neighboring building. No other way out. About twenty meters to his right, the corner of the building, where the corridor was turning at right angles. The zombies are behind, three meters away, on the iron stairs Levi came up from. 

Levi begins to run again, turning to the right. He dashes straight towards the corner of the building, right on the windows. He doesn’t slow down. He jumps, curling into a ball and striking the glass with so much force that it explodes. Levi falls back on the flat roof of the neighboring building in a rolled ball. He grimaces in pain at the few cuts that had opened all over his skin, glass shattering all over the place. He stands up quickly again without wasting time, ignoring the pain flaring in his shoulder. An emergency staircase runs along the building to the mainland and Levi hurries down the stairs.

He hears rattling noises on the ground. He returns to the factory, to his point of departure. In front of the pile of metal, Mikasa had taken out her blade sword and had switched to her war-machine mode. Erwin had taken out his dagger. The zombies who had lingered before instead of following Levi inside were to regret it.

The last corpse fell as Levi comes running.

“Get—the car.” He breathlessly chokes out to Erwin, who wipes at his cheek and puts away his weapon.

Erwin nods and runs to the car while Mikasa and Levi approach the pile of debris.

“Hello? Is anyone in here?” Levi says softly, moving a few boxes.

He exchanges a glance with Mikasa when they hear nothing.

What if he made a mistake? What if they did all of this for nothing?

_No._

It can’t be. Levi _knows_. He is so sure that there is someone here. He continues to move the PVC sheets and the boxes that are on his way as quickly as possible, fearing that the zombies would come back. 

It is then that he finds _him._

Levi removes another plate and discovers a human curled up in an enormous box.

A boy, sitting with his knees against his chest, his hands clasped over his ears. He sways gently back and forth mumbling something that Levi can’t hear.

Levi can’t see his face, pressed against his knees. He could see only his ragged clothes, his long limbs folded against himself, and the top of his head covered with dark brown dirty hair.

“Hey,” Levi breaths softly, Kneeling before him. “Are you okay?”

As the other doesn’t move, Levi holds out a hand to him and touches his hair to get his attention. The moment he lays his hand on the survivor’s hair, the latter’s fingers clench around his wrist abruptly to prevent him from touching him. He snaps his head up to look at him.

The boy's wide green eyes meet Levi’s dark blue ones in a piercing gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's here!! Ya boi is here XD !


	3. When Green meets Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added a link for a song, Do you by Yiruma, it inspired me to write a specific scene at the end even though it's a very very short one. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this and thanks for reading :)

_He has beautiful eyes_ , was the first thought that crossed Levi’s mind.

Immense green eyes, like green Beryl a mineral he had seen in one of the base’s books, framed by long dark lashes. His features are delicate, skin dirty under the dust, cheekbones high, jaw well drawn. He’s biting at his thin chapped lips, anxious. His long hair cascading down his face.

 _He is terrified_ , was the second thought in Levi’s mind.

His eyes are wide with terror. He’s completely livid, his hand on Levi’s wrist trembles. Dirt smears his features, muddying his hair. Levi can read fear, despair, and horror in his eyes. Who knows what he experienced.

A whistle interrupts Levi in his contemplation. Mikasa gestures to him that it’s time to go. It is too dangerous to stay here. Erwin parks the car beside them and opens the window to see what is going on. Levi looks back at the boy curled up on himself, still holding his wrist between his long, thin fingers.

“You have to come with me. You'll be safe.”

The boy's big green eyes are still staring at him. Levi pulls at his hand gently to not scare him.

“We have a place for you to sleep and eat. It is a safe place. We need to leave before the zombies come back.” He insists.

The stranger flinches upon hearing his words. A shiver wracking his body. Levi kneels before him and holds out both hands to help him get up. The latter turns away, trembling.

“I won’t let anybody hurt you. I promise.”

The boy looks up at him intensely seeming to weigh his options and Levi feels something stirring in him. A click, a burn, the nesting of a puzzle piece. The need to protect this boy. The other seizes his hands and finally stands up with difficulty, swaying on his long legs.

 _He is very tall_ , Levi thinks. Taller than Levi by a good ten centimeters. His legs are long and very thin. He is _very_ thin. His cheeks are hollow, he looks almost like a skeleton. His ribs appearing under what is left of his T-shirt. His hands are frozen against Levi’s warm ones. He looks young, younger than he is. Eighteen or nineteen years tops.

Levi looks away from his ravaged body and helps him leave the cardboard box. He doesn’t know how to go about it but understands immediately that the boy doesn’t necessarily like to be touched. The other flinches away when Levi attempts to help him walk; reaching for his waist. Instead the boy holds the back of Levi’s shirt and walks behind him to the car door, followed by Mikasa who discreetly inspects the stranger.

Levi has to make room quickly and puts at their feet the rolls of cloth that they had recovered. He guides the young man into the car and the other lets go of him as soon as he sits, as if his contact had burned him. Levi sits down beside him in the middle, while Mikasa climbs up to the front. Erwin drives off, and they all sigh in relief, finally going home safely.

“I hope we don’t have to come back here. They’re very numbered in that area.” Erwin says and they nod.

Erwin glances into the rear-view mirror seeing that the stranger had curled up in his seat. The boy glares at him in the mirror, feeling that he’s being watched. Erwin frowns, averting his attention to the road.

“What's your name? Where do you come from?” Erwin askes pointedly, glaring back.

Mikasa glances at him reproachfully. Although she has a temperament of warrior, she isn’t heartless. This is not the way to treat a terrified little boy who was almost devoured by zombies.

The boy doesn’t answer. He merely glances impassively at the driver in the rear-view mirror, without uttering a word. Levi watches Erwin clench his jaw, uncomfortable under the gaze of the boy’s green eyes. He deserves it. 

“Do you want to talk to us?” Levi asks gently instead. “Maybe tell us your name?”

Still no answer. The boy contents himself with looking out of the window, contemplating the scenery. Levi understood that it is useless to insist. He attempts to shift a seat to leave room for their new protégé but he felt fingers wrapping around his wrist. Levi raises his head to meet the emerald eyes of the stranger, staring at him. The latter pulls a little more on his wrist so that Levi would come back to sit closer and lets go immediately when Levi complies.

Levi knows that feeling. Loneliness. This kid had to be so alone these last few days, or who knows, last few years, that he needs to know someone is near him. Needs to feel the warmth of Levi beside him even without touching him.

The stranger wraps his arms around his chest, shivering. Levi takes off his jacket and holds it out to him:

“Here, put this on.”

The boy looks at Levi hesitantly and takes the jacket before putting it on quickly, as if he is afraid that Levi would suddenly change his mind. The jacket, a little too big for Levi, falls perfectly on the broad shoulders of the stranger, even if he is too thin. He buries his hands deep in his pockets and tucks his neck in the jacket but still trembles. Levi slowly moves his hands so as not to frighten him and pulls up the zipper of the jacket, the green eyes of the stranger peering at his fingers.

The stranger leans against the backrest, snuggles into the jacket, breathes deeply, and turns to the window to hide from Levi’s gaze on him.

Levi looks through his backpack and pulls out the cakes lovingly prepared by Mama. In addition to being delicious, they provide them with the energy they need outdoors. Levi places the cake on the stranger’s knee, who jumps at the sudden movement. His eyes settle on the cake before meeting Levi’s in a frown.

“Eat. I have more; I'll give you if you're still hungry. Although it’s better to not overwork your stomach if you are not used to eating much, you risk vomiting everything.”

Without paying more attention to him, the young man seizes the cake, breaks it in half before eating it quickly. How long did he stay without eating or drinking?

Levi takes out his water bottle, offering it to the stranger who takes it with a sigh of relief, without thanking him. He drinks several long sips, so quickly and so hastily, that drops trickle down his chin and neck, tracing a lighter path of skin through the dust. Levi watches it disappear in the collar of his own jacket, fascinated.

The boy gives him his bottle with a firm nod and finishes his cake. He looks down at his lap moments later, cheeks dusted in a gentle rosy color, playing nervously with his hands. Levi smiles giving him another cake, which he devours just as voraciously.

Mikasa watches them through the rearview mirror, turning her head towards Levi from time to time. Erwin frowns, scowling, not knowing what to think of this guy who hasn’t said a word.

When the stranger finishes his meal, he curls up against the door of the car, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep. Again, Levi intervenes by offering him, as a pillow, the scraps of fabric they had brought back from the factory. The boy nods in acknowledgment, huddling against the fabric and closes his eyes. Levi spends the rest of the journey watching him sleep.

Where did he come from? Another community? Another city? From another country? From the Walls? Did he have a family, friends who were worried about him and whom he had been separated from?

Levi examines him attentively now that he is sure the boy is sleeping. Under the dirt and dust, his hands aren’t covered with scars or damaged in any way. He doesn’t seem to do any sort of manual labor. For the rest, it is impossible to say. It depends on the time he had spent there alone. His nails are gnawed, dirty and broken. His hair filthy and tangled, dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep.

How long had he not slept feeling safe? He really must be too tired to fall asleep in a car with three people he doesn’t know.

On closer inspection, Levi notices that the clothes, under the dirt that smears them, are beige linen clothes. They design these clothes for those who are banned from the Walls. This kid came from the City. He probably had to survive alone since then, without finding any help anywhere, without even finding something to change into and feed properly.

Levi has heard that they pamper them in the City. They are safe from zombies, they don’t fear anything. They eat their fill, they have a job, they have families and children, they don’t have to worry about getting shredded by a walker as soon as they go out in the sun. Hange, who lived there until two years ago, when she joined their community, speaks little about life in the City.

She only does so when Levi, Armin or Petra ask her to. Levi has concluded from it that their lives are simply not comparable. Nothing could prepare a kid like the one who sat beside him in the car for what is waiting for him outside Wall Sina. They don’t acquire the necessary reflexes of survival and instinct. Hange herself acknowledges it, even though she had been part of a team of doctors and researchers trained on the field and was therefore more prepared than the other residents of the Royal capital.

What did this guy do to get banned from the City? He looks so young. Asleep, he seems even more so, mistrust and terror once on his features are now just a serene expression. He couldn’t have been more than twenty years old. What crime could a guy so young commit to find himself banned from Wall Sina?

Levi exchanges a look with Mikasa and pointes to the stranger's clothes with his head. Mikasa shrugs.

“In the City, one is punished for simple things from what Hange told me. You know very well that she was almost arrested for the simple fact of being friends with a Condemned.”

The Condemned, in this case, is Mikasa. Mikasa and Hange had met in a rather special situation. Hange was part of researchers and doctors team who were on field trips to assess the progression of the virus and take samples. This team was killed by a pack of zombies during one of the excursions. Hange was the only survivor because someone had arrived in time: Mikasa, who had decided to disobey a direct order from Kenny –ordering her to remain quiet since the zombies were too many to try anything— to detonate a grenade among the traveling corpses after shouting to Hange to climb a tree.

Hange had come down from the tree once the contaminated had turned into mash of corpses. She had stayed with them for a few days, and then returned to the City. But she came back, sometimes. To see Mikasa essentially, what neither was ready to admit at that time. The authorities had finally caught her. Hange had finished her detention. To leave the Walls without permission was already very serious because of the risks of contamination, but to establish a connection with a Condemned was even worse in the eyes of the Patriarchs, those who held power in the City.

Hange had managed to escape with a few friends who had succeeded to create fake documents organizing her transfer to another department. The officer in charge of this so-called transfer was actually a friend of Hange who had taken her sneakily outside Sina.

Even today, Levi remembers the way Hange had hugged Mikasa at their reunion, when they both thought they had lost each other forever. How their tears flowed, how their shaking limbs wrapped around each other, how they couldn’t believe they had another chance. If he has to define love, Levi would probably have chosen that image.

“I'm still not sure it's a very good idea to get him into the Base with these clothes on. He hasn’t said a word for now, and he may not want to tell us why he was banned. And you know as much as I do that a certain viper—Connie—will not hesitate to talk about murder or rape, right away.”

“That may be the case, for all we know.” Erwin cuts in, frowning at them. “We don’t know this guy.”

“How observant!” Levi mutters drily. “No, we don’t. But I don’t think, assigning him a reputation as a killer from the beginning, is a good idea. It's up to him to decide, we'll talk to him when he wakes up. The others will ask where he comes from, anyway, and he will have to answer sooner or later. He should be given the benefit of the doubt.”

“He'll decide it himself.” Mikasa says calmly, extinguishing at the same time any potential disagreement that is about to explode between Erwin and Levi.

It doesn’t take them long to pull up to the base. Marco, who was waiting for them, opens the garage door when they signaled their arrival by the walkie-talkie once they were close enough for the waves to reach the checkpoint. The stranger wakes up startled as they move into near-complete darkness of the garage. Levi would have liked to put his hand on his knee or his shoulder to reassure him but he doesn’t dare to touch him.

“We're in the Base. We live in a former military base, precisely in the basement. It's safer than any building on the surface.” Levi explains in the darkness; hearing the stranger’s breathing quickens.

Erwin parks the car and they get out. Mikasa opens the door to the newcomer and motions for him to come off, without a sudden gesture. Levi and Erwin circle the vehicle. The stranger stands there, barefoot, tightly pressing Levi's jacket around him.

"Do you want to change your clothes here? The others will know ... where you come from if you enter like that.”

The green eyes of the stranger stare at Levi as he speaks, before settling on his own clothes. He crosses his arms even more tightly around his chest and shakes his head. Levi is partially relieved. They wouldn’t have to lie for him, the guy looks honest enough not to hide that he’s banned.

“Okay, come on then.”

Erwin leaves without waiting, to meet Marco who comes from the opposite direction after opening the doors. Levi and Mikasa stand in the back with the new one, pointing out the way forward.

"There are not many," Levi announces. “About thirty to thirty five. Our numbers are decreasing over the years.”

 _Over the losses._ He thinks.

“Most people here are friendly. Some are less so. You just have to know who to trust. Some will ask you questions. Where you come from, why you are here. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but people are curious enough. Since we are few in number, individual stories matter here.”

Mikasa nods, approvingly. As if to support what Levi had just said, Marco arrives that moment, Erwin on his heels. His brown eyes widen as he checks out the newcomer.

“Oh! A new one? Where did you find him? Where is he from?”

Mikasa frowns, waving her hand around to cut his interrogation.

“We found him at the factory. Encircled by zombies. Are we gonna give him time to breathe or what? Warn the others, I want no one to come near him until he is ready to meet with so many people.”

So many people would want to talk to him, touch him, check that he was not infected. All of which this young man is visibly unable to bear for the moment, he who didn’t utter a word and contents himself with examining the surroundings with wide green eyes.

Marco nods at Mikasa's words, without stopping to stare more at the newcomer. Marco is only sixteen years old and hardly ever goes outside, it is perhaps for that reason that he still had that innocent, almost childlike, side that Levi had lost long before him. Levi watches him disappear at the other end of the tunnel. The four remaining follow along a different corridor. They avoid the HQ and take a bypassed hallway to take the boy to the infirmary.

Mikasa knocks five times at the red door of the infirmary, two close knocks and then three spaced, the signal she had developed with Hange to let her know that she was behind the door. Hange's voice welcomes them, muffled by the door. She is pulling out the rest of the medicine supplies she has left; head barely visible from inside the cabinets.

"You were quick this time," She says, sighing in relief. “I—”

She pauses as she glances at them from the floor, where she was sitting, upon discovering that they weren’t alone. Her eyes widen in surprise, her mouth forming an "O" shape.

“My god.” She whispers, rising at once.

She approaches the young man, who backs away, strangely approaching Levi’s side.

“It’s okay,” Levi says softly “This is Hange, our doctor. She will check that you’re not sick, that you haven’t been bitten, and that you are healthy overall. A routine examination. She won’t hurt you.” He adds with an encouraging glance, seeing that the other is still tense.

The green-eyed boy nods and sits awkwardly on the auscultation table Hange pointes at, near the wall. Hange shakes her head discreetly when Mikasa tries to approach her. Levi frowns at her attitude, confused like Mikasa.

“Go on, let me do my job.”

Levi meets the green eyes of the stranger who pants, at the edge of panic. He takes Levi's jacket off and hands it to him with trembling fingers, but Levi shakes his head.

“Keep it; it suits you better.”

The other nods, obviously relieved, and holds the jacket against his chest. Levi smiles softly at him.

“I'll take care of him, Lee” Hange assures him, in a loving, mocking tone. “Make sure you find him a place to sleep.”

 _Ah. A place to sleep_. With whom to put the newcomer? The rooms are all already shared except for Armin and Ilse. But Armin needs his space to work and Ilse had just lost Furlan a month earlier, it’s out of the question to make her share her room with a stranger.

“I'll go see Kenny. I'll come take him when you're done,” Levi says pointing at the stranger, rolling his eyes at Hange’s tone. “Don’t let him go wandering alone in case he falls on Connie or Mina, he's not too fit to answer their questions.”

“I'll be back," he adds more loudly to the stranger, who doesn’t react, eyes frantically looking around, seeming unsure.

Levi, Mikasa and Erwin get out of the infirmary shutting the door behind them. Levi immediately jumps on Erwin’s back, exaggerating kissing noises.

“I’m so proud of you for being a good boy today.” Erwin’s hands come up to the back of his thighs squeezing to hold him still.

“Shut up! You’re making too much noise.” Mikasa rolls her eyes as Erwin laughs.

“You too Mikasa! You guys didn’t kill each other I’m very impressed.” Levi hugs Erwin’s back tighter and kisses the back of his neck before dropping to his feet.

"I'll see what's said at the headquarters," Erwin says. He kisses Levi’s lips then walks away.

Mikasa scoffs after him as if to mean "good riddance".

Levi pushes her forward rolling his eyes. “Don’t be mean!”

They rejoin Kenny's office and Levi walks in as always, without knocking. Kenny is hovering over his desk. He barely raises his eyes when they walked through the door. Everybody knocks but Levi, he’s accustomed to his son’s rudeness.

“The mission went well from what I see?” He asks nevertheless. “You've taken everything you need?”

“Yeah. With a human on top.”

Kenny raises his head at that, dark eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“A human?”

Levi sits on the chair in front of the desk and stretches out his tired legs.

“A human. Young. Not even twenty. He was taking shelter under a pile of cardboard and debris next to the factory, the zombies going crazy to get their hands on him. We made diversion and we brought him back.

“You made diversion,” Kenny repeats, glancing at the visible cuts on Levi's skin.

 _Oh yeah_ , maybe he should ask Hange to take care of that too.

“We weren’t going to let him die there.” Mikasa says, leaning against the closed door.

“Certainly. He's with Hange, right?”

Levi nods.

“He's from the City, Kenny. Banishment clothes.”

Kenny rests his head on his chin, his dark brown eyes averting between the two, considering the situation.

“Did he tell you why?”

“No. He did not say anything to us, he doesn’t speak.”

Kenny looks around pensive.

“Maybe Hange will get him to talk; she's from the City too”

Levi and Mikasa shrug. Given the condition of the guy, Levi doubts he wants to talk to anyone for now.

“He needs a place to sleep.” Levi announces, folding his arms across his chest.

Kenny grimaces. The whole base had been redeveloped. The rooms that aren’t occupied by humans were filled with materials and everything useful and in good condition from outside: furniture, cutlery, crockery, linen, wood, cables, metal, provisions...

“There's the storeroom adjoining Armin’s. We’re going to have to get rid of his mess but he already has a room for himself, I think he can make an effort.”

Levi nods in approval.

“I'll talk to him.”

**

“You want me to WHAT?”

Levi should have known that Armin would be hard to negotiate his living space with.

“I want you to free the place in the storeroom so that we can at least install a mattress on the floor, is it too much to _fucking_ ask of you? We're not going to have this kid sleep in the middle of the _goddamn_ cafeteria.”

Armin grumbles. The room Levi is talking about is attached to Armin's room. A door communicates between the two and another door opens onto the corridor. It had to be the office of a superior officer, back in the day, unless it was his wardrobe or some bullshit like that. People didn’t deprive themselves of the luxury of occupying as much space as possible before the epidemic. Today, the simple fact of having a space of its own is a luxury.

“Okay, I'll see what I can do. I'll have to take a lot of stuff here, because it's a mess. Is he aware that I make a noise, this "kid", or not?”

“He's not aware of anything yet, he's just arrived and he's with Hange. He’s also not a “kid” he’s probably older than you.”

Armin opens the door to the other room, turns on the light, and groans. A huge mess.

“Should we start now?”

Levi stares at him, eyes narrowed, leaning against the door.

“We? There is no “ _we_ ” pumpkin! This is your mess not mine.”

Armin hooks his arms around his chest, stomping his foot.

“If you want a place for him to sleep by this evening, you _will_ help me clear up.”

After an hour of scoffing, mumbling under his breath and complaining every two seconds, Levi - _A fucking diva_ \- as Armin had said, helped moving Armin’s stuff to his current room. _Boy did he have so much shit!_

The new guy will still be surrounded by furniture, tools and trinkets that Armin loves to collect. But at least he would have "his" room and a place to sleep. Mikasa went in search of a mattress and brought back one with the help of Connie, whom Levi nearly kicks out when he slips an eye into the room.

Petra, who had come to lend a hand to move some of Armin's stuff on the other side, sweeps a quick broom before they put the mattress on the floor.

“You'll have to find a real bed for that poor guy.” Petra cringes as she examines the room. “I'll get one of my pillows and ask for blankets and sheets from Mama.”

Levi goes back with Mikasa to the infirmary, aware that Hange and the young man must have finished a long time ago.

Mikasa knocks on the door. Hange immediately opens and puts a finger on her lips. The kid is sleeping on the auscultation table, again. It must had been a while since he had not had his dose of sleep, considering how easily he falls asleep everywhere now that he knows he’s safe.

Hange leaves the infirmary and closes the door behind her.

“No bites. He’s just dehydrated, hungry and profoundly exhausted. His feet are not badly damaged considering he had to run barefoot for days. He needs to regain his strength.”

“Did he speak to you?” Mikasa asks, passing an arm around Hange’s waist.

“Not a word. But he’s not hostile or aggressive. He simply observes the surroundings and obeys my requests. He doesn’t like to be touched so I did my best, but I had to inspect him, thankfully he wasn’t difficult about it. Have you noticed—” 

“His clothes?” Levi says “Yes, we saw. How long do you think he had been banned?”

Hange shrugs, cringing.

“Hard to say. Given his state, I would say eight to ten weeks, but it depends on his initial physical condition.”

Eight to ten weeks alone in nature, without defense. No wonder he's terrified now.

 

“He's gonna need some rest and a warm shower.” Hange points out before opening the door again.

She walks towards the sleeping young man and touches his shoulder slightly. The boy wakes up, startled.  

“It's just me. Levi and Mikasa came back to show you where you’re going to sleep and where you can take a shower.”

The boy nods and slides to the ground. He had put on the clothes he had worn earlier after the auscultation and still wore Levi's jacket. His hand is clasped around a pendant that Levi couldn’t see.

“Levi let me get a look at your cuts before you go.” Hange says pointing to a chair. Levi sits and removes his shirt. The boy looks away.

Hange scolds him again about his careless ways of taking care of himself. _“Levi you’re not even trying!”_   She cleans his cuts, pressing gauze pads angrily all over his cuts to prove her point. Levi cries out in pain multiple times glaring up at her.

“Well, if you can’t deal with a little burning don’t act so tough and take care of yourself.”

Mikasa laughs in the background earning her a “Fuck off” from a pouty Levi. As he glances at the boy he thinks he sees a hint of a smile ghosting on his lips but looks away when Hange presses violently.

“See you later.” Hange says, when they’re all out in the corridor, closing the door too quickly.

Without kissing Mikasa, like she always did. It is weird.

The stranger nods his head when Levi asks him if he’s all right. He still doesn’t speak. Levi and Mikasa take him to one of the two common bathrooms they use. Levi points to one of the cabins.

“You have the right to shower for five minutes. The water is rationed.” He explains seeing the young man's questioning look. “There is a clock at the top of the wall here, visible from inside the cabins, to help you not to exceed your time limit.”

“I'll get you a soap, a towel and a toothbrush.” Mikasa says backing out. “And clothes. You can stay two or three more minutes under water if you want, I will charge it from my shower time.”

As she disappears into the corridor, Levi smiles. His best friend is a tough warrior, but she has a good heart. He remembers the day she came here. After not having taken a real shower for a while, the first one she had taken here was like heaven. Levi had given her from his shower time and Mikasa does the same with the new one now.

“I did this for her on his first day. You can also take from mine, if you want.”

Levi looks at the boy who squirms looking at the floor.

“Go ahead. I'll get your things out to avoid getting them wet. Leaving them inside moistens them a bit and the jacket may take a moment to dry here.”

 

The youngest pushes the orange door of the cabin and slips inside. After a few minutes, his hand appears from behind the door, holding his jacket and linen clothes. Levi takes hold of it and the door closes immediately. A few seconds later, the water begins to flow and Levi could have sworn to hear a sigh of relief. Understandable.

Mikasa returns a few minutes later with the stuff. She has also brought a razor, a comb and deodorant, manufactured by Lenny. Levi knocks at the door of the cabin. A wet hand appears from behind the door and Levi passes him what Mikasa had brought. They wait until he finishes his shower, which took almost ten minutes.

When he finally emerges from the cabin, Levi notices how different he looks. His skin looks smooth, clean and slightly tanned. Wet strands of dark long hair sticking into his neck. Mikasa smirks at Levi who clears his throat at the sight of the boy. They let him shave and wash his teeth talking about everything and nothing, to not make him uncomfortable by simply observing him during his tasks.

When the boy is ready, he picks up his belongings, presses them against his chest as if someone might take them away, and turns to them. Levi and Mikasa take him to his "room". Petra had come back because the bed is made.

“It's a bit small,” Levi admits, seeing the slight grimace that the boy has failed to conceal. “All the rooms are taken so we did what we could to find you a place to sleep until we find a real solution. Meanwhile, you will have to bear your neighbor.” Levi points out, opening the adjoining door which leads to Armin's room.

The blondie raises his head from his bench. He’s wearing his big protective glasses and an old baggy sweatshirt and trousers. Not to mention the blackish traces on his neck and arms. He looks like a giant fly.

“Oh, hi !” He says, “So you're my new neighbor.” He takes off his gloves and protective glasses and advances towards the stranger, reaching out to him.

“I’m Armin. I'm the guy who graciously lent you his storeroom. The stuff in there is mine, sorry. I'll try to put it elsewhere if it really bothers you.”

The other stares at Armin's outstretched hand for a few seconds before shaking it quickly and releasing it immediately. He then turns to what Armin called his "stuff". There is everything. Old photo albums of people that Armin had never met, trinkets, souvenirs, paintings, pencils. The boy approaches a painting representing the ocean and touches it with his fingertips. For the first time since Levi has laid eyes on him, his face, so hard, so careful, seems to soften.

“I found this by rummaging in a house not very far. I liked it so I kept it. Do you like it?”

The boy doesn’t turn to him but nods, continuing to examine the painting.

“I’ll give it to you, if you want. It's my welcome gift.”

That is also why Levi loves Armin so much. He prefers to spend his time away from others, locked in his room tinkering, but he’s always gentle with those who deserve it.

The boy turns around, staring at Armin with his sparkling green eyes. He nods, without smiling. His way of thanking him probably.

“My pleasure.” Armin smiles at him. “Do you not speak because you can’t or you don’t want to?”

The boy’s features harden immediately as he tenses. He shrugs, Armin doesn’t insist.

 

“Are you hungry?”

The boy looks at Levi upon hearing his voice. Levi doesn’t know what to think of him. He’s constantly on his guard, closed, impassive, yet he seems touched by a simple painting. Levi can’t blame him for his behavior. Who knows what he had lived through? He couldn’t get used to being with humans again in just a few hours. The other hesitates visibly before nodding.

"Do you want to come and eat with us in the cafeteria?"

Another nod. Levi feels a little bad for him, thinking of the crowd awaiting him. The arrival of the new one has already made its way around the Base and the others wait with agitation in the Cafeteria, where they are sure that he would appear by dinner. Levi passes first and stops when he sees all the heads turn towards him. The stranger wrap his arms around his chest, in an unintentional defensive gesture that he seems to do a lot. Levi turns to him when he hears his gasp as he starts to panic from seeing so many people at once.

“They're nice,” he says “Just curious. You're going to be the focus of attention for a while but nobody's going to attack you.” The boy’s eye are frantic, looking around.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He adds. The boy’s green eyes finally meet Levi’s. His face closes up; a layer of defensiveness covers all traces of panic, and he nods. Levi turns around and makes his way into the cafeteria, the stranger closely following him, Mikasa and Armin behind them.

"We're cute and we’re gonna stop _staring_ at the newcomer as if he’s a magical creature, thank you everyone,” Levi says loudly snapping his fingers as he crosses the room to the counters where Mama is serving food.

The majority of the people present turn their attention to their plates, casting subtle glances at the newcomer from time to time. Levi pulls up a tray and cutlery, making sure that his protégé does the same. Levi smiles at Mama as he comes up to her.

“I'm very hungry, Mama. I had a busy day today.”

“You're always very hungry, Levi.” she mocks, serving him a portion of peas.

She hands him his plate. Levi hands her the boy’s, who stands still by his side. Kuchel examines him with a critical eye before nodding to herself.

“I’m gonna have to fill you up a bit, love. Double portion for you.” The boy blinks at her, eyes round and lips pulled between his teeth, shewing.

No one protests. Levi walks to his usual table. He pats the place next to him when he realizes that the boy is hesitating about where to sit. It’s Erwin’s place but he’ll be fine sitting anywhere else. The newcomer slips on the bench under the attentive glances of the whole cafeteria.

He leans over his plate and begin to peck his peas with his fork without waiting, devouring his meal. He has finished while Levi is only halfway through his. Levi places his piece of bread on the boy’s tray upon noticing.

“Eat, you need it more than I do.” He says, leaning closer to him. 

The other surprisingly doesn’t flinch away, but this time he eats slowly. The first moment of surprise passes, the others has returned to their conversations. Hange has made an appearance. Immediately whispers something to Mikasa’s ear, who frowns seeming to not understand what she was saying.

 

Erwin arrives along the way, and _of course_ he gets dramatic when he sees his usual place on Levi's right taken. Since it is out of the question that Armin, on Levi’s left, would move, he had to sit a little farther, kissing Levi’s neck and whispering “I miss you already, _baby_ ” on the way. Levi rolls his eyes. Mikasa glares.

However, Hange and the newcomer’s reactions were surprising. Hange stiffens, sighing as she passes a hand over her face, disapprovingly. And the newcomer... 

The newcomer is watching Levi with hardened features. His eyes are no longer curious, terrified or relieved. It is something else that now resides in them. A look that Levi doesn’t appreciate. Disgust? Anger?

Levi holds his gaze. _What the fuck is his problem?_

The boy clenches his jaw finishing his plate silently, then sits with his arms crossed, his eyes obstinately looking up at the ceiling. Levi tenses seeking what he had done wrong when the boy inches as farther away from him as he could.

“Where's Kenny?” Levi asks, looking away from the boy. He confuses him and fascinates him and Levi doesn’t like it.

“Locked up in his office.” Tomas says, a little farther away. “He told me about new maps of the City that he found through Armin’s stuff.”

The stranger stiffens still beside Levi. Levi reaches out to touch his hand in a comforting gesture. But the boy pulls away immediately, as if Levi’s touch has burned him.

Okay, there _is_ a problem. He doesn’t react _that_ quickly when Levi touches him.

Levi glances at him, thin eyebrows furrowed in confusion. The other had his eyes on his food. Head down. His hair formed a curtain around his face, shielding it from Levi’s view. His hair had to be quite long before he left the City, it couldn’t have grown so much in a few weeks.

No man has long hair here. It gave the zombies something to grip if they found themselves within reach of their hands. Although, in these cases, the length of your hair doesn’t change much to your low chances of survival.

The boy has finished his meal. Levi stands up and motions for him to follow. He ignores Erwin, who glances at them with a frown.

“I suppose you'd rather be alone for a moment, without dozens of eyes that watch your slightest movement.” Levi chuckles, looking at the boy briefly.

The boy doesn’t answer. _Obviously._

“I’ll take you on a tour is that okay? So that tomorrow morning you won’t be lost. And since everyone is in the cafeteria, no one would jump on us here.”  

Levi guides him through the base. The infirmary, which he already knew. Kenny's office. The HQ.

The boy stops at the entrance leading to the HQ, visibly surprised at the large decorated room. He looks around and steps into the room, without waiting for Levi. He passes silently between the sofas, between the chairs and the toys that are scattered on the ground. He stops in front of the library, touches the worn-out bindings of books with the tips of his fingers. He gently runs his hand over old vinyl records that are situated near the record player. Cautiously, he places a vinyl in the craft.

 [Yiruma, 이루마 - Do You?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PYpbiFLnqs)

 

Soft piano notes fill the room.

For the first time, Levi sees him smile. Thin pink lips stretched into a soft smile.

The stranger has his eyes closed. Levi watches him swaying his head to the music, swallowing through the lump in his throat.

There is always that moment, when we have lived too long in suffering, horror, or darkness, in which beauty strikes us again. The newcomer is obviously in that moment. After weeks of fighting to stay alive, he finds something beautiful in this apocalyptic world. And he hangs on to it, he lives it and breaths in it. It’s that glimmer of hope that lights the flame in our hearts. That glimpse of a beautiful life.  

Levi had forgotten what beauty is. At this moment, he gets a sample. He has a fleeting and intense glimpse of what tenderness and delicacy could be. Feelings he doesn’t know. At least not fully and to this extent. The boy’s aura changes. It’s not defensive or impassive, it’s calm and gentle. He hugs his arms around himself a habit Levi notices in him. He opens his eyes and continues his way through the HQ, under the piano notes that continue to resound in the immense room.

Levi has never found someone so gracious. Perhaps the music made the atmosphere a little more special than it is, because he finds the newcomer graceful. In the lines of his profile, his hair, his long legs, His shiny eyes, the way he moves slowly and carefully as if he could walk on a fragile object at any moment and break it.

The reflection of the dim lights cascading beautifully over his face softening him. He looks like art walking in the middle of this large room.

The room is silent again as the notes stop. And the atmosphere shatters. The boy takes a deep breath as if collecting himself and makes his way in the opposite direction. He doesn’t as much as glance in Levi’s direction once. And Levi feels frustration well up in him. Surprisingly he doesn’t like not being the center of the boy’s attention.

They continue their tour. Levi shows him where the different types of items are placed: sheets, clothes, maintenance products, hygienic products, utensils. Some people are exclusively dealing with stocks, what is going in and out and keeping records. Levi speaks through the silence getting uncomfortable, feeling as if he is addressing a wall.

“This is where you find me at night if you need me.” Levi says as they arrive in front of his room.

 _Do not think about the possible double meaning of words. Do not fucking blush, i_ s all Levi thinks as he realizes what he had insinuated.

“Most of the time, I'm out. I mean, outside the base, hunting or just wandering around the base. If I'm inside but not in my room, there's a good chance I'll be in Kenny's office, with Mikasa and Hange, at Armin's, at the HQ or the cafeteria. If you have any problems, come and see me. Contrary to the common belief here, I don’t bite.”

The boy looks at him impassively before nodding his head. Noise is heard at the other end of the corridor. Hange and Mikasa make their appearance. They’re holding hands. Mikasa has just kissed Hange in front of Levi –who rolls his eyes- and his companion.

Levi barely has time to come up with a snarky comment before the newcomer storms away in the opposite direction. Levi hears Hange swear. He follows the boy, who has a good sense of direction visibly as he walks slowly to his room, stiff. He closes the door on dumbfounded Levi's face. Mikasa and Hange on his heels.

“The fuck just happened?” Levi asks incredulous.

“Um, yes, actually I wanted to talk to you,” Hange stammers, sighing. “I’ll ... go see him.”

She knocks softly at the door and opens without waiting for a permission that would never come. She leaves the door open behind her. The boy is sitting on his mattress on the floor, his back against the wall, his knees raised against his chest. He keeps his eyes fixed on the furniture opposite him.

Hange kneels beside him.

“Look, I know you're not used to it inside the Walls. But it's different here. This is not bad. We can love who we want. This is not seen as an illness, a shame, or a sin. Here, we just try to live our lives as we like, because we don’t know how long we still have before everything is over. Everything is just hanging on a thread, and no one will force on you any imaginary constraints here. Do you understand?”

Hange gently puts her hand on his arm.

And everything happens so fast.

The stranger pulls away violently, pushing at Hange who falls backwards.

“Don’t touch me, you sick pervert!”


	4. I Don't Need You

The newcomer’s words still play in Levi's mind every time he lays eyes on him.

He insulted them, calling them every name he could think of. In his hoarse deep voice, he asked Hange, who already told him that she came from the City herself, how she can touch another woman in that way when she knew how bad it is, how selfish it is, how shameful it is for her and the community.

Hange had remained impassive. That was probably what had shocked Levi the most. That's where he understood.

Hange was used to it. She used to hear this kind of talk when she was in the City. And then it all made sense for him. Hange took a lot of time before giving in to her feelings for Mikasa, even when she had taken her place among them in their community, after escaping from the City. These instinctive movements of jerking away that she had at first when Mikasa touched her. They were brought up that way in the City. They were raised in the perspective that a woman was made to love a man and to make children and that any other option was unnatural. It was engraved deep down in their minds the moment they were born.

Hange explained to Levi that it was less difficult for her to get rid of this type of "prejudice". The effect of these ideologies was weak for her family because she was not part of the upper class of the population. The only reason she became one of the doctors involved in studying the evolution of the virus was that one of her teachers, who was part of the Elite, had taken her under his wing and had integrated her into his unit, discerning in his pupil abilities that many did not have.

But Hange had always lived in the dark alleys. She lived in the low quarters, where life was different. There, life was more intense. More dirty and more dangerous and more intense. Most people understood that their lives were hanging by a thread, which others forgot when they were part of the Elite, nurtured, housed, with good jobs. The ruling class.

In the lower quarters, the outside world was not forgotten. The stories of the epidemic were always heard in the evenings by the fire, while they were normally prohibited throughout the City. Some liked to play with the forbidden.

And with the life that Hange had, she had already seen boys kiss. And girls. Several times, when she went out in the evenings with friends, in bars in the basement, where no one could see them. Hange had been accustomed to that. She tolerated it.

However, the new boy was part of the Elite of the City. This made his banishment even more incomprehensible. This explained his violent reaction when he saw Mikasa and Hange kiss.

He was almost programmed since childhood to tolerate nothing but heterosexuality. He was brainwashed with the idea that any other kind of relationship was only monstrosity. And these words, these prejudices and this education are anchored in him now.

**

The next day after this “incident” neither Levi nor Mikasa tried to approach the new one. They remained at the door, while Hange made an attempt. The boy did not look at Levi, any more than at Mikasa or Hange. He stayed as far away as possible from them on his mattress and did not even glance in their general direction as if he was afraid of being infected. The task of taking care of him, bringing his meals in particular, returned to Petra, the only one able to approach him within a radius of less than three meters.

**

On the third day, Hange made another attempt. She was received with the same treatment as the day before. Levi remained at the door. The new guy gave him a look of disgust so deep that Levi felt sick.

**

On the fourth day, Hange tried again to speak to him. This time she stayed by the door and announced to him that she would remain far from him if he wished, but that she would be there if he wished to speak to her, if he wished to understand. She also asked him to leave his den and take part in the life of the base. The other had not been able to bear her sight but Hange persisted in wanting him good. Like she always does.

**

On the fifth day, he finally came out of his room. Levi avoided him the whole time. It was only at the evening meal that Hange, Mikasa and him were in the same room as the new boy. He disappeared with indignation as soon as the three companions appeared. He obviously refused to be in the same room with them. Levi almost lost his composure, but Kenny took him aside, asked him to make some effort, and Levi, because it was Kenny, promised that he was going to try.

**

On the sixth day, the new boy collided with Hange at the turn of a corridor. He burst into a swoop of insults, rubbing his arms frantically and shouting at her to leave him alone. Levi, who was walking several steps behind Petra, intervened immediately. Fragile or not, traumatized or not, new arrival or not, he was going to teach him to behave well. He grabbed him by his shirt collar and slammed him against the wall.

The boy groaned in pain, Levi gritted his teeth.

“Listen to me, you’re gonna have to calm down with this attitude. Hange did not do anything to you. If it’s so hard for you to understand that there is nothing disgusting about seeing people who love each other no matter what gender they are, you lower your eyes and look away. I do not care. Never again do you look at us with such disgust and never speak to Hange this way, or I'll slam my fist in your face.”

The other glared at him as he jerked away, spitting at his feet.

“It's not you who will teach me good manners, fag.”

Hange seized Levi by the arm to get him off the new boy him when he attempted to hit him.

“You, the new one. Come with me.” A voice was heard at the other end of the corridor.

Kenny.

The boy had no choice but to follow the orders. He stayed more than half an hour in Kenny's office. When he came out, he was paler than usual. Levi did not give him a look and burst into the office of his adoptive father in turn. He sighed as he saw Levi enter. Levi dropped into the chair in front of the desk and gave him a questioning look.

“We have discussed. I told him that it was out of the question for him to behave like this under our roof. Here, we have the right to love who we want. He's not a kid. He explained his point of view. Hange had already explained to me how they saw things in the City, but it is something else to hear from someone so marked by this "ideology." He listened to me calmly, he seems to respect authority and he paid attention to the opinions of others. Only for him, homosexuality is not an idea, an opinion or a choice, it is a crime. He was taught not to tolerate it under any pretext. I told him he was going to have to do it, but he might have trouble for a while. I do not even know if he will come to look at you other than as—”

“Monsters.”

The pang that Levi felt in his heart was unfamiliar to him. On one hand, because he had never been attacked about his sexuality by anyone in the base. On the other hand, because he had hoped that this guy who he'd found in a box would not be a complete asshole. He had hoped for something else coming from him.

“We made a pact. He stays away from you, you stay away from him. No contacts, no communication. At least, until he gets used to the idea.”

 _If_ he got used to the idea one day, rather.

Kenny looked at Levi for a moment. Most people were unable to break through the emotions of their leader. Levi could. Obviously, since he was like his father. Seeing Levi’s expression at the moment, he was worried.

"I'm fine," Levi assured him before he could open his mouth. “It's just ... weird to be hated at this point for something I did not choose. It had never been a problem before.”

Kenny got up, walked around his desk and stood before Levi, leaning against the furniture behind him.

"He seems like a decent kid, he was just brought up differently. They put misconceptions in his head. It does not question who you are, nor our love for you here. He's going to have to adapt, not you. Okay?”

Levi nodded. Kenny ruffled his hair and went back to his desk.

Levi felt, however, that cohabitation with the new one was not going to be easy.

**

"Will you one day decide to clean our room?"

Erwin is slumped on his bed. Levi glares through his cleaning. It’s almost like that’s all what Erwin does. In his defense, it is exhausting to be outside the whole time, so he earned the right to rest once at home. When Erwin doesn’t go on an expedition with Mikasa, Levi, Nile, or Miche, he is guarding their farmers, the inhabitants of the community who took care of their "vegetable garden" every day.

Levi is the only one who keeps their room in a proper condition. Kenny did not tolerate the slightest dirty sock on the floor since he was a child and it had rubbed off on Levi.

"I don’t like cleaning." Erwin say eyes closed. He scratches at his bare chest.

“Because you think this is my favorite activity?”

Erwin doesn’t answer. Partly because he knows that Levi is in fact a clean freak and any insinuation to that would get them into a huge fight. Again. And mostly Levi is so agitated because something is troubling him and Erwin wants that Levi talks to him on his own for once. So he contemplates himself with checking out Levi as he passes the broom. Levi leans over to get the broom under the furniture. Which gives Erwin a good sight of his ass and his pale creamy skin appearing from under his raised shirt.

“I can help with something else, show you my favorite activity.”

Levi looks at him over his shoulder. Erwin smirks. Levi nods to himself then raises from his position. He dusts at his jeans and hooks his arm on his waist, his other arm resting on the broom.

"If you propose," he replies in a mischievous tone, raising his eyebrows. “I will not even look your way if you do not help out.”

Erwin groans rolling on his side to get a better look.

“Don’t be like that, _kitten_.”

Levi grunts. He doesn’t like Erwin calling him that. He is _not_ a kitten. He is a _warrior_ and Erwin has an unfortunate tendency to forget that Levi is able to beat him in hand to hand. Erwin tries to repress that memory so his ego stays intact.

Levi glares, fingers drumming absently on the broom.

Just because he’s small doesn’t mean he’s not strong. Even if Erwin means it in an endearing way Levi can’t help but feel self-conscious about it. Nobody is as safe outside as Mikasa and Levi, because they have all the necessary qualities for it. Strength, agility, ability to be discreet and react in a fraction of a second to any situation. Erwin is resting too much on his strength. He is too sure of himself. The secret however, is never to be too self-confident.

Erwin moves from his position to stand before Levi, All broad shoulders and tall form, hovering over him. Most of the times Levi hates feeling small compared to him. He hates the vulnerability he feels when he looks up at him. But a part always yearns for it. Part of him wants to let go completely to Erwin. That part wants to set itself free, unravel all Levi’s deepest darkest thoughts. Just let go and float away from all responsibilities and let Erwin take care of everything.

A part of him that sometimes scream at him for being himself. Sometimes he just wants someone to take care of him. Nevertheless, the moment someone tries, he suddenly feels threatened and violently shut that part down. Other days he would snap and act all strong and mighty. He can’t— He _won’t_ ever let go.  

Erwin takes the broom from Levi’s hand. He kisses his forehead and rubs at his back. Levi hates the intimacy and the meaning of that forehead kiss but his skin tingle under Erwin’s plump soft lips.

“What’s bothering you?”

Levi frowns and lets himself be cuddled in Erwin’s strong arms, cheeks pressed against his hard chest. He slowly melts in Erwin’s hold, breathing in his familiar scent and everything is just… _Okay_. He’s so full of contradictions that he can’t even keep up with himself. No wonder no one can stands him. Levi wonders sometimes if he wasn’t attractive, would Erwin ever flirt with him? He wonders sometimes if he didn’t save Mikasa, would she ever be friends with him? However, he pushes everything away. There’s no time for emotions in this world.

“What are you talking about?” He mumbles relaxing under Erwin’s fingers on his back. Fingers tracing shapes on his skin under the shirt.

“I know you Levi. You’re fidgety, What’s wrong?”

Levi sighs. He wonders how Erwin can notice that but never his discomfort to certain things he says.

“I was thinking about Furlan.” He whispers quietly. He tries to focus on Erwin’s fingers on his skin. His heartbeat against his cheeks. The broom thudding to the ground as Erwin wraps his arms around him, swaying him back and forth.

“What about Furlan?” Erwin’s tone is a bit defensive. He doesn’t know if Levi still blames him.

Ilse hasn’t told anyone about the pregnancy. Therefore, Levi can’t tell Erwin.

He thinks of how Furlan would feel about his baby boy or girl. He thinks of his joy and his smile. He thinks of how he would ask him for names. He thinks of how he would be so excited and nervous about this.

Furlan isn’t like Levi. _“Smile Levi, it’s a good day to kill some zombies.”_ He would say. Levi would groan at him and punch at his shoulder. “It’s never a good day to kill zombies!” He would reply. Now he wishes he can go back in time just to smile and laugh at his lame jokes. He just wants to see him again.

Furlan always believed that there is hope for humanity. A hope for a new beginning. Furlan thought that the base is a safe place for them. The cries of a baby wouldn’t attract zombies from underground. His baby would be safe. Furlan loved babies. Furlan would have been a great father.

Except he was wrong. There is no hope for humanity and this baby will grow up without a father. And Levi’s heart breaks a little bit. It breaks every time he sees Ilse. Every time little bits of things happening in the day remind him of Furlan. It breaks a bit more when something happens and his only though is _Furlan has to know this_ until reality hits him. Furlan will never know, because Furlan is dead.

“Nothing. I just miss him.” Levi says instead. He closes his eyes and wraps his own arms around Erwin. They rock back and forth and Levi’s lips stretch into a slight smile. It’s like they’re dancing without music.

“He’s watching you from up there. Wherever he is. I’m sure.”

Levi tightens his hold. He thinks of Furlan watching him for a little bit.

Is he mad that Levi didn’t come in time to save him?

Is he disappointed in Levi?

Does he watch over Ilse and their baby?

Is he watching over all of them?

Is he well up there?

Does he blame him for not being enough?

Erwin stops in the middle of the room. He cups Levi’s face with his giant hands. Levi looks at his eyes and sees softness that makes his stomach lurch uncomfortably. Erwin’s eyes sparkle. Light blue like a sky in a sunny day. _Soft_ , so soft and caring looking down at him. Erwin kisses his nose than pecks his lips.

“It’s not your fault.” He says softly and it’s suddenly too much. How can this not be his fault? Erwin doesn’t understand.

Even after almost two months of Furlan’s death, Levi still waits to see him come back inside the base rubbing at his shoulders. _“It’s summer, Levi, why is it so cold? My balls are freezing!”_ But he never comes.

“I am going for a walk.” Levi snaps away from his grasp. He makes the mistake of glancing back at Erwin, left standing looking like a kicked puppy before leaving the room. Levi hates himself.

He appreciates Erwin. More so when he came here five years ago and was not so full of himself. He is still a good person, even today. He is reliable, he has a thirst for life that Levi loves, he has a strong character and he also takes care of Levi, he is kind to most people. He has a thing that makes Levi melt whenever he’s in his arms. A thing that makes him a safe place for Levi. A thing that has him whispering soothing words to Levi’s nightmares. A thing that makes Levi care for him. Not to mention that Erwin is very attractive and that definitely plays a huge part in what they share.

If he were to admit the truth, the main problem he has with Erwin lately is based solely on what Mikasa had told him a month earlier.

Erwin could hypothetically be in love with him. And Levi can’t deal with that. So he tries to push him away.

Love is not for Levi. Absolutely not. He had always declared to anyone who wanted to hear him that he refused to attach himself to anyone in that way in this world. In another time, perhaps it would have been different. In this post-apocalyptic period, however, there was no question. Love makes one weak, vulnerable, dependent. That was the reason why Hange and Mikasa almost never went on a mission together. When you are out there, you have to know how to take decisions that could jeopardize your comrades; you have to be able to react quickly and without hesitation. One can’t do that if the life of the person we love most in the world is on the line. Mikasa herself knew this. She had learned it at her expense one day.

They were on a mission outside to look for laboratory equipment. Hange, Mikasa, Levi and Nile. They had been attacked. Mikasa hesitated. For a few seconds, she hesitated to shoot the zombie approaching her or the one who was approaching Hange, who had made the mistake of putting his weapon out of her reach.

As a result, they almost died. Fortunately, Levi had had the presence of mind to shoot a bullet in the head of the one who approached Mikasa and that Nile had decapitated with his saber the one who threatened Hange.

The slightest hesitation, the slightest second of floating could be fatal outside. Love is a weakness. Only fools are ready to take that risk, according to Levi.

For those of whom one remained in the base and the other outside, the danger is as present. Unfortunately, it is common for the residents to never see their lovers back from an expedition. It happened to Ilse and Furlan a few weeks earlier. Furlan was Levi's oldest friend. They grew up together. He was like his brother. Levi was not there when it happened. Furlan was one of the guards who protected their farmers during their daily tasks. They had been attacked. To protect the eight farmers and the other two guards, Furlan had stayed behind.

He never returned.

Levi had been the one to shoot him dead when he came out to kill the remaining Walkers. He had been angry for so long, losing himself in his grief. He had insulted Erwin, one of the two remaining guards, of all the names. Never leave a man behind, _never_. Survival is important, but what is the use of surviving if humanity were to be extinguished? The real humanity, the one that subsisted in every man? Compassion, mutual help, affection, solidarity?

They messed up. Those who were outside that day had failed in their task.

Now Ilse is alone and pregnant. The baby is to be born in seven or eight months. The baby will never know his father.

Levi doesn’t go very far out of the room he shares with Erwin. He stops at the next door and knocks. As much as he doesn’t care for Armin’s privacy, he takes more precautions when he goes to Hange and Mikasa’s room. He doesn’t particularly want _to interrupt_ them in action.

Hange's voice comes muffled from behind the door inviting him in. Hange is reading while Mikasa is cleaning her shoes. They barely raise their heads as Levi closes the door behind him. He flops on their bed, half crushed on Hange, who makes a room for him.

“Hey!” He says frowning at the lack of attention.

Lying on her back, her book over her head, Hange smiles with amusement without looking at Levi. Levi pokes a finger on her side.

“Could you pay attention to me? Where are your manners?”

“You always want attention, Levi.”

Levi rolls himself in a ball on the bed and places his head on Hange's s lap. Hange and Mikasa were the only people in the world with whom Levi allows himself to be ... vulnerable. The only people in the world with whom he allows himself to drop the barriers and not be as defensive as usual.

“Who angered my sweet baby boy?”

Levi rolls his eyes at Mikasa’s mocking tone.

“No one. Why?”

“Because you have this funny expression on your face. All grumpy like a kid who came to complain to his parents.”

Levi straightens up and folds his arms over his chest, proving their point.

“No I don’t!”

"Yes you do." Hange confirms laughing.

Levi kicks her gently with his arms. Hange’s smile widens

"Tell us what is happening to you, my dear."

"You tire me," Levi sighs, letting himself fall back on the pillow. “Here I am giving you the pleasure of my company and all I get is this bullying.”

“Hey! Take off your damn shoes from the bed.”

Levi toes off his boots throwing one on Mikasa's legs as answer.

“Such kindness,” Mikasa’s eyes widen at the shoe dropping on her lap. “I'll sell you. I will ask Hange to write a sign "Best Friend for Sale, Possible Negotiation".”

Mikasa can’t read or write correctly. In the camp where she grew up, the education of children was not their priority. The priority was to teach them to push their swords between a zombie’s eyes. When Mikasa arrived here, she was very self-conscious by her illiteracy. She didn’t tell anyone. But Levi noticed it from insignificant little things. The fact that she looked away when Levi showed her a label on certain products so that she would read them when they were on a mission. Or the time when Kenny had asked her to map a place they had visited the day before and had asked Hange to do it for her instead. When Levi had finally asked her one night, under the stars—the two delinquents had gone off in the middle of the night—Mikasa had confessed that she was neither able to write nor read.

Levi knows how to read. Kenny had taught him. He would take books for kids whenever he found and teached Levi whenever he had the time. However, Levi is particularly bad at teaching others to read. Mikasa then gave up, until Hange.

Hange’s arrival had definitely changed many things in Mikasa's life.

Hange had much more patience than Levi. She had taught Mikasa to read and write because she herself loved it and she thought that Mikasa was missing out by not being able to discover the stories that were taking place on the pages of HQ books. Mikasa always has a little trouble, but she is doing much better.

“You'd have to team up with Erwin outside; do you really want to sell me?”

Mikasa pretends to think. Levi knows that she does it only to annoy him. Mikasa would never team up with another person for nothing in the world. It is Mikasa and Levi against the world as he once had said it. Unless they really had to be forced to part from illness or something else. Levi said that between them it is like marriage “for better, for worse, till death do us part”.

The fact is that, out there, they’re never safe. You have to have absolute trust in your partner when you walk away from the base. Mikasa and Levi put their lives into each other’s hands every day. They understand one another, with no words, just a gesture. They know how the other is reacting, acting, fighting, living. No one knows Levi as well as Mikasa, and he is aware of it. She’s his best friend and partner after all and it’s not for nothing.

Hange sometimes says jokingly that she is jealous of their connection.

"I'm going to think about keeping you," Mikasa finally says. “Only if you are a good boy.”

Levi gives her the finger.

“I’m the best thing that ever happened to you.” He turns to Hange “No offense, love.”

Mikasa throws her dirty rag in his face.

“You came here to avoid Erwin making eyes at you didn’t you?” Levi’s smile fades and he tenses. Mikasa is going on a subject that Levi doesn’t want to address.

Levi groans putting his arm over his eyes. Hange lowers her book to peer at him curiously through the rim of her glasses.

“Erwin does _not_ make eyes at me. Stop with that, he does not feel anything for me. We are having fun. It's clear between us, from the beginning.”

“It's clear until it's not.” Mikasa points out, shrugging.

“Wow, have you mobilized all your neurons to come out with smart stuff?”

Mikasa heaves a sigh. Levi is defensive as soon as the problem "Erwin and his feelings" is brought up. This subject of bickering had been recurring in their conversations in recent weeks.

"What Mikasa means with her sibylline phrases," Hange interjects "is that it was clear at the beginning for both of you, but things are changing. Now it's obvious that Erwin no longer looks at you the same way. Everyone can tell.”

Levi scoffs rolling his eyes. He rolls his eyes so much that he worries one day they’ll roll back to his brain.

“What are you—”

In a few seconds, Mikasa stands up, crosses the room, and straddles Levi, holding his hands over his head. Hange bursts out laughing at Levi’s shocked expression.

"There’s definitely something wrong with you." Levi laughs, breathlessly. “I ask the fourteenth personality of Mikasa to please release me.”

"Listen to me," Mikasa says seriously, not paying attention to her friend's complaints. “Listen. At first, Erwin looked at you as a treat. He wanted you just like you wanted him that's all. Now he stares at you as if you’re the eighth wonder of the world. Do you know what that means?”

Levi stops struggling.

_Oh._

Mikasa looks at Hange as if she were the eighth wonder of the world. And God knows that Mikasa loves Hange.

“Oh! _shit_.” Levi closes his eyes briefly.

“Yep.”

"I'm sure you're wrong. He just likes me, we’re friends.”

"Of course," Hange nods at him. “Mikasa and I are friends too.”

“Shut up. Shut up, both of you. You’re clouding my brain.”

Mikasa ruffles Levi's hair before slipping back to sit next to them on the bed.

They all lay on their backs on the tiny bed. Legs dangling from the edge, starring at the grey ceiling for a while. Levi watches the cracks on the wall. He thinks of Erwin and his action. He think of every time they fuck, every time they hold each other, every time they kiss. He thinks of Erwin’s words. He focuses instead on his friends breathing beside him. The muffled sounds of the base alive on the other side of the door. The crackling of the light above him, the rise and fall of his chest. The softness of the sheets under his fingertips. Anything that would take his mind of the anxious thought that Erwin might love him.

No, they’re wrong. Erwin is not in love with him. Levi can’t accept that.

“One day, Levi, you will accept the Love people give you.” Hange whispers through the silence. She pats at his hair then takes her book again. Levi frowns at the ceiling.

“When the zombies disappear from the surface of the Earth, I’ll consider it.”

Topic closed.

The day Levi lets someone love him hasn’t arrived.

**

A month has passed.

Four weeks, the new boy— Levi hasn’t yet learned his name— had arrived at the base. Four weeks during which Levi had not talked to him.

_You're disgusting._

_I don’t understand how you can be like that._

_It's not normal._

_It's unnatural._

_This is abnormal._

_You’re all sick perverts._

The words he had spoken that night still turn in Levi's head at night.

In Levi's opinion, that boy is a jerk. Levi had brought back a pretentious, selfish brat to his home, and he sometimes hates himself for not letting the zombies eat him there.

This guy is not used to work. He had been reluctant to do his part of the job for a long time before finally understanding –- thanks to Kenny and one of his marvelous shouts— that he would end out with his friends the Walkers if he doesn’t participate in the life of the community.

Mister Brat –-as Levi had called him— had obviously been spoiled all his life. Here, he had to change his sheets on his own, clean after himself and be satisfied with the food they had. And obviously the food was not exactly of the same quality as he had in the City, given the slight grimace of disgust that appeared on his features that he still could not completely remove even after weeks.

He is condescending. He thinks he is better than everyone else. At first, he remained in his corner, without too much interaction with the rest of the base, as if he did not consider them worthy of his time. He is always reading. He changes the music without permission. Then he has finally mingled with the others. Or the others had come to him, rather. He had become the center of attention, the one who tells the stories, the one who has anecdotes to tell when he was in the mood. He has a hard time getting used to life here apparently. He always acts as if everything is his. He is not used to working to earn his food; he is almost waiting to be spoon-fed. He tells them how life was easy for him in the City, how different it was from here.

Levi had brought back a spoiled rotten brat.

_A spoiled rotten homophobic brat._

Hange had explained to him that it was not the boy’s fault if he reacted so violently in the presence of homosexuality. Apparently, it is prohibited in the City.

It is punished. Considered as a shameful crime.

To Levi the new boy remains a homophobe. Nothing more, nothing less. Levi didn’t choose to be gay but the boy chose to be an asshole.

Hange had attempted a dozen times to make Levi more understanding of the indoctrination of the boy. Each time, Levi had nodded as a sign of understanding and returned to his occupations without making any gesture towards the boy. After all, he doesn’t have to tolerate a homophobe. Not in his home.

Levi thinks that life is a bit too short to ruin it with people who could not stand who he is. Because he had also understood why the boy had reacted in this way to the refectory, when Erwin had called him "baby", for example. He understood why he had backed away, refusing Levi’s touch. Levi is not going to try with him.

He disgusts the boy? Fine. Too bad for him.

He hoped for someone better, unconsciously. Levi saw sweetness and grace for the first time in ages when he watched this guy listen to Yiruma. He blames him for spoiling this by turning out to be the worst asshole who could have landed in this base.

Therefore, he avoids him like the plague. Levi doesn’t like homophobes, okay? Especially not the homophobes who attack Mikasa and Hange. It is new to him, homophobia. It is obviously a defect which had disappeared at the same time as the majority of mankind. At least out of the City. And Levi doesn’t know how to face it, except by disgust and hatred. Hange says it is irrational, because disgust and hatred are what made the boy an asshole.

Levi is also an asshole who doesn’t want to control his impulses. The more he is away from the guy, the less he feels the need to slam his fist on his face, and the better.

Except that living in such a small space entailed certain contacts.

“Armin, I need to—”

Levi stops short after crossing the door. The new boy is lying on Armin's bed, as if he were at home. Five weeks. It had been five weeks since Levi had not been so close to him. More than a month that Kenny had ordered them to stay away so as not to create more problems. Levi meets Armin's eyes, raising an eyebrow, interrogating him on what he’s seeing and at the same time accusing. Armin shrugs.

“If you had knocked, I would have warned you that I was not alone this time.”

“I don’t knock it's not in my genes.”

“So you can expect to come across Eren from time to time.”

 _Eren._ He says it in his mind trying the sound of the word, thinking about the taste of the name on his lips, how it would roll on his tongue.

 _Eren._ Levi knows his name now. He can finally put a name on the asshole’s face. He had apparently told some of the people in the base his name.

Levi is not one of them.

“Cool” Levi drops coldly, without glancing at Eren. “Can I borrow a pencil or two?”

Levi expects Eren to run outside the room, brandishing garlic and a cross, but surprisingly he doesn’t move. So, he doesn’t think that Levi being gay is contagious?

“Why?” Armin asks distractedly from his bench.

“Kenny has only one, and I need it to annotate a plan.”

“The magic word?” Armin glances at him over his shoulders a childish smile on his lips.

“Fuck you?”

Armin shrugs again and turns to his workbench full with various tools that it was hardly visible. Levi can feel Eren staring at him and he tries to ignore it and keep his cool.

“My beloved Armin who I adore so much, may I borrow a pen?”

“Drawers of my bedside table.” Armin smiles pleased with himself.

Levi approaches the bed. And thus Eren, who stays still observing Levi from his place. Levi opens the drawer and begins to search among the cluster there.

Less organized than Armin, you can’t find.

Eren is still watching him. His eyes burning on Levi's skin.

“A picture would last longer.”

Levi’s cold tone slices through the silence. He continues his search without glancing at him.

“If I had something to take pictures with, your face would not be part of the pictures.”

Levi clenches his teeth. _What a moron. Stupid brat. Homophobic asshole._

"Is it possible that you behave in a civilized way when you are in the same room?"

Armin's voice interrupts them in their unfriendly exchange.

"Because he's civilized?"

Armin glances at Levi reproachfully.

"No doubt more than you are. I wasn’t raised by wolves.”

Armin glares at Eren.

“Obviously, being surrounded by money and walls that compress your brain, it has not helped your restricted number of neurons to develop.” Levi bites back. He has stopped his searching to properly glare at Eren.

“That’s enough!” Armin exclaims beside them. “You are my friends, both of you, could you at least not fight in my presence?”

Eren and Armin had become friends. Levi doesn’t understand.

“You have weird taste in friends, Armin.”

Levi stands and turns on his heels without looking at them.

"Levi!”

Levi doesn’t slow down despite Armin's call and the sound of his footsteps behind him. He keeps moving forward. Armin’s hand grasps his arm and stops him.

“Levi, wait.”

Armin's voice is almost pleading. Levi turns around and tries to calm his nerves.

“ _What_?” He yells, jerking away from Armin’s arms.

Armin flinches away at his tone and Levi regrets the harshness of his voice.

“Sorry. I just do not know what you're doing with him. I can no longer see you or come to your room without him being in the corner.”

Armin frowns and wraps his arms over his chest. Defense position. Levi knows that Armin takes that posture when he feels attacked and hurt. All of this because of _stupid, bratty Eren_.

“He's all alone, Levi. He is all alone and knows no one, and no one knows him. He lived eight weeks out there, among the zombies, terrified every day, in danger of death every hour, every minute. He lost all whom he loved. He needs time to adapt. He has difficulty to fit in. He’s changing, I promise. I’m trying to make him understand that you are not sick or infected by anything and that you are not repulsive, and I think it works. He's getting better at understanding.”

Levi shakes his head quickly, sticking his fingernails into his palms.

“No, Armin, stop. I do not underestimate what he has experienced, I know he lived things that are not easy out there, I found him, I still see the state in which he was and his eyes when he looked up at me.” He whispers. He doesn’t want Eren to think he was giving him the slightest bit of attention, that he could see his terrified eyes again when he looked at him as he was reading in the HQ.

“The thing, Armin, is that I cannot stand him, his manners and his bullshit. I will not throw him out, he has the right to stay, as long as he participates in life here. It's just him as a person that I do not stand. He's a spoiled brat who's been used to not giving a damn about his days and looking down at everyone. He's homophobic, Armin. He looks at Hange and Mikasa as if they were subspecies of the human race and that just makes me want to kick his ass so bad. He despises everything they are, all I am. I’m sorry but no, I do not understand what you’re doing siding with this guy over me.”

Levi turns around before Armin has time to answer and disappears at the corner of the corridor leaving his blond friend dumbfounded.

**

"Armin is still with him. It's unbearable; I can’t even go see him without finding that piece of shit in his room.”

Levi is flopped on their headquarters sofa. Yes, Hange, Mikasa, Petra and him have a sofa that is almost reserved for them in the big room. When he was younger, Levi engraved his name with his penknife in the armrest, which earned him quite the scolding from Kenny. So this worn-out black leather couch is definitely his couch.

“Will you stop complaining about this guy for two minutes, Lee?” Petra drops with a sigh on the armchair near Levi.

“Not my fault if he’s everywhere.”

Petra rolls her eyes. Levi glances at her then sits up noticing the dark circles under her eyes.

“Hey,” he says softly, taking his friend's hand in his. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Petra.”

She rolls her eyes again before sighing.

“If I tell you what's going on, you're gonna make fun of me and go beat the guy.”

“Ah.”

Petra is like his sister. He had grown up with her here. He had known her since he was twelve when she and Mama had arrived in the community. Since they were kids anyone who attempts to harm her would have to deal with Levi, and the whole base knows it.

“I had ... a thing with a guy. But it turned out that he is not ... willing to have a real relationship with me.”

Levi clenches his fists. Decidedly, even after the apocalypse, some always behaved in a very indecent ways. Petra is splendid. Anyone would want her. She had never had a chance in love. Difficult to find love here already, since the number of suitors is quite reduced.

“Who is he?”

“You're gonna hit him. That's not what I want. For now, I just want you to hug me, can you do that?”

Levi pretends to be reluctant, mumbling away under his breath. Then he throws himself on her and pulls her in his arms. He is going to drop the subject _just_ for now.

**

Levi glances at the table in front of him. He doesn’t like what he sees. Armin had deserted his table to sit with the new boy. He is pouting at Levi since their stormy "conversation" five days earlier. Mina, Connie's very friendly viper tongue, is sitting beside him. Given the gentle eyes she makes to Eren, Levi doubts that she only wants to share his company to eat. Erwin's best friend, Connie, is also at his side. He is probably there only to collect information. Connie had always been hungry for gossip.  

Little Nifa, eleven years old, is sitting next to Eren on his right. She seems to have strangely taken affection for Eren. There is also Marco, freckle-faced teenager who has welcomed them when Erwin, Mikasa and Levi had returned to the base with Eren on the first day, as well as Lynne. Sasha, Armin's muse, is sitting with them. Like, Anka, Nanaba, Moblit, Cis and Rico, those who are between twenty and thirty years old. Anna and Pixies, the two eldest members of the community.

Eren's table is full, actually. Many people sit with him, because they like to hear him talk about his life in the City. Which Levi doesn’t understand, since this bratty Eren seems to spend his days being an asshole.

Okay, he is exaggerating. If Levi could not bear him, it’s only because he is behaving badly towards Mikasa, Hange and himself, and he has a princess attitude. Hange persists in telling him that it was not his fault, that he had been used to living like this and that he needs time to lose those old habits, but Levi still doesn’t tolerate his behavior.

Levi doesn’t catch the question but he hears Eren speak. He speaks slowly. He doesn’t need to raise his voice for them to listen. He speaks as if he has all the time in the world, as if everyone is going to listen to him whenever he wished. People at his table often gave him a little of their food ration because he "needs to fill up".

He glares at Levi as soon as he sees him. He often speaks of his life in the City, of him and just him. That is what Levi cannot bear. There is no room for individualism here. He describes the City as heaven, selling dreams to the survivors of this community, and Levi finds it atrocious to make them yearn for what they can never have.

He’s very charismatic and Levi cannot stand that either. Everyone quiets when Eren speaks. Levi hates the impression he gives. He gives the feeling of having seen everything, lived everything. It’s like he’s more intelligent and better educated than they all are here.

_We in the City, we go to school from the age of—_

_I did this in the City_

_I learned that in the city_

Levi doesn’t understand why the majority of the base are at his feet. It is just so annoying.

 _"You're not objective,"_ Petra told him when he talked to her. _"You do not like him because he is born to believe that a homosexual couple was unnatural. It's not his fault."_

It seems that everyone in this base had forgotten how Eren had behaved badly with Hange, Mikasa and him the first days. He left rooms as soon as they appear. He glares at them from the corners of his eyes, with disgust. He flinches away at the slightest contact, and backs several meters away when they meet in the corridors. He is visibly taught that homosexuality is a disease and he did not want to be infected.

Hange told Levi that he was only following Kenny's instructions and staying away from them. Hange did her job to convince the other base members that it was not his fault and that they were brought up like that in the City. Result: in a few weeks, the whole base had forgiven Eren for his little indecent behavior towards the few homosexuals of the community.

Anna, the elder of the community, seventy-two years, did not hesitate to put him in his place if Eren let go of a comment on the matter. She seems to be the only one Eren is listening to about it. But as long as Eren doesn’t say anything and doesn’t behave too badly towards the non-straight, then the others drank his words.

Levi, meanwhile, continues to want to hit him whenever he lays eyes on him. Nile throws a piece of bread on Levi from his side of the table. Levi is eating with him and his son Marcel today, Hange and Mikasa being busy.

He likes Nile a lot. They regularly go out together. It is Nile who had taught him how to fight, who had trained him in archery and who had taught him how to survive outside years ago. He had taught him everything he knew with incredible patience. Kenny said that he has merit, considering Levi's character. Nile is always patient and always pleasant to be with; Levi doesn’t know how he could do it. Kenny, who had taught Levi all that he knew of close combat, marksmanship, and strategy, is a tyrant in his methods of teaching.

“Don’t kill anyone, Levi.” Nile says peering at him with his dark eyes, an amused smile ghosting on his lips.

 _Always pacific, Nile. Always_. Which is ironic enough when you thought that he is one of the four base hunters and that he had killed so many zombies over time.

Levi grumbles as an answer and eats silently instead. His foot under the table shakes involuntarily.

“What is good in the City is that they are not—”

Levi scoffs shaking his head. The thing is, Eren has lowered his voice at that time and the cafeteria being half-empty, almost everyone present heard Levi.

“Is there a problem?”

Levi looks up from his dessert to discover that everyone including Eren is starring at him. Little Marcel, in front of him, looks at him disapprovingly at the age of six, and his father, Nile holds the same expression.

“No, go on, it's so interesting to hear you talk about something that we’ll never get to know and is just several miles away from our reach.”

Levi stands up and swallows the rest of his dessert quickly before putting his dishes in the bin, a bit violently. The judgmental looks of others, disapproving as at that moment, never bothered him and it’s not about to happen now.

“I'm just trying to show them how it works in civilization.”

 _Civilization_. As if, they are not civilized. Levi clenches his teeth. So the others don’t see it. Do they think like him, that everything is better over there?

Levi sees red every time Eren uses words like that. Every time he asserts in half-words, that life is so much better there, that all is well. Whenever he implies that life here is shabby and dull in comparison with the happy life he led there.

"Yeah, that's it," Levi spits, heading for the exit without a glance at the people present. “If these people were so civilized, they would not have thrown you outside giving you to zombies like dog food.”

The shocked faces Levi sees when he leaves the room are so expressive that Levi knows he is going to hear about this for the next week, having Connie and Mina present.


	5. Through The Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! didn't have a chance to write last week so there was no update, it's settled now XD Here's chapter 5 enjoy!!

“That was harsh Levi, even for you. He didn’t show that it affected him but I’m sure it did.”

Petra says leaning against the doorframe.

“Stop defending him. Would you?” Levi grumbles, cross-legged on the stock room floor, surrounded by cardboard boxes. He’s checking the food inventory, just to be sure they wouldn’t starve in months to come. And if he’s just making excuses to run away from everyone, nobody has to know.

“You're unnecessarily mean to him.”

Levi clenches his fists sighing exasperatedly.

“I'm not ... _Fuck,_ why can’t anybody see through his bullshit?” Levi cuts a box open with scissors. “He reels you all with his beautiful words, with his Mr-Know-It-All attitude, and you fall for it. Talking about the City does more harm than anything else; we could never live like these people in the City, Petra! It's not our life! And worse than that,” He grimaces as he cuts his fingers. “ _Shit!_ ”

He puts his finger in his mouth sucking at the blood oozing from his cut. “Excuse me for despising a guy who considers me a waste of humanity. I will not throw myself at his feet imploring him to grant me his forgiveness for sucking dicks.”

Petra frowns at him crossing her hand over her chest.

“That's not what I'm saying. I'm just asking you to be less of an asshole to him. It does not help that you make the situation worse than it is and you know it. He has been working hard for a while now. It is you who seeks trouble whenever you cross his way _especially_ when he ignores you.”

Levi sneers. He’s not making anything worse, Eren is just a bad person.

Petra sighs. She knows him too well. Levi will always do as he pleases.

“Try to think about it at least.”

Oh, so he despises Levi with all his might, yet Levi has to be nice to him. Of course. When chickens grow teeth, he’ll consider it.

**

 _“He’s fucking everywhere.”_ are the first words Levi utters when he joins his room at night.

Erwin is already inside, in his underwear. For once, he is putting away his belongings and not slumping on the bed.

“The new guy?”

Levi grunts for an answer.

Erwin understands his hate towards Eren. He’s the only one as it seems, since everyone else has forgiven Eren, blaming a totalitarian system that brainwashes its subjects - the City. The only one who has even more difficulty accepting the new one other than Levi is Erwin. Levi tries to avoid Eren.

Erwin, on the other hand, does not hesitate to openly insult him and shove at his shoulder when they pass through a corridor. He already had a few words with Kenny for that. Mikasa herself intervened once. She reminded Erwin that it was not by attacking the new guy that they are going to show him that their sexual orientation did not make them monsters. Even Levi thinks Erwin is taking it a bit too far.

“Petra protects him as if he were her foal. The others do the same. It’s crazy.” He removes his shirt.

“Well, just, I don’t know. Stop thinking about him.”

“Look who’s talking!” Levi chuckles, toeing off his shoes. “You literally spend your time bothering him and—”

Erwin grabs him by the neck and kisses him. Levi freezes, taken by surprise. Erwin’s other hand slides against his back and nudges him forward. Levi soon recovers as Erwin presses against him and he kisses him back.

Their lips slide gently together. Levi tastes minty mouth paste on his lips. Erwin’s hands fall to Levi's hips, slipping into his pants. Levi whimpers into his mouth, his body on fire.

They had not touched since Levi had had this conversation with Mikasa and Hange. Levi asserted that he was too tired and took the opportunity to remind him that, since they are not together, he had no sort of duty towards him.

But Erwin wants him, right now, Levi can feel it, through Erwin hardening against his thighs and in his urgent and hungry lips devouring him. Levi wants Erwin too. Levi is the kind of person to let off steam by sex and right now, he needs to let off steam.

So he yields. He licks at Erwin’s lips to deepen the kiss. He lets Erwin hold him up as he crosses his legs behind his back. He lets Erwin push him against the door as he kisses more of his neck. He lets him undress him. He lets his tightened fingers on Levi’s skin leave bruises and lets him mark the inside of his thighs with his teeth. He lets Erwin take his mind away and he floats on a cloud of pleasure.

**

Levi takes a deep breath of fresh air as he passes his head through the opening of the trapdoor. Several of these exits dot the tunnels, corridors and rooms forming the base. Mikasa and Levi always leave through the one at the end of the corridor of the west wing near the infirmary. Just like the farmers.

The farmers are the only ones who could leave the base without real permission. Because it is their job to farm lands almost every day despite the risks. There are eight of them.

Tomas, Lynne’s husband. Ian, a guy in his forties with grey hair. Kitz, Kenny's friend in his forties, with piercing brown eyes and tanned skin and Moses, Nifa’s father. They are not afraid to be outside and have been trained enough to get out in case of surprise attack. Three women are there with them almost constantly. Anka, Tomas’s daughter a brunette of twenty-five and Hitch, a middle-aged woman, Kitz's wife. Petra takes care of bringing water, food and Lavender leaves for them when they stay outside too long.

Others give a helping hand from time to time, when there is really a lot to do. But these eight take care of farming lands almost permanently. Two armed guards are on duty as soon as the eight are out. Erwin and Eld, Connie's father.

Their "vegetable garden" is very extensive. It covers several hundred square meters. At two hundred yards, old farm buildings are still standing. They use it to shelter the animals they possess. Three cows, five sheep, a goat and some chickens. These animals supply them with meat, milk, and eggs. Not enough to feed everyone exclusively with that, but it’s what they can manage.

Mikasa, Levi, Nile and Miche usually supply the rest of the meat. They’re the hunters. Levi and Mikasa form a pair, Nile and Miche another.

If farmers take risks, it is nothing compared to those four. The farmers are eight and protected by two armed guards. They are also located a few meters away from the emergency exits allowing them to take refuge in the base at the slightest alert.

Levi, Mikasa, Nile and Miche, on the other hand, are far more distant. They hunt animals to provide the community with the meat they lack. For that they sometimes move away for miles. They always work in pairs, in complete silence. This is also why Mikasa and Levi work well with each other without the need for words. They have learned to function that way outdoors. They have no car to flee in these cases. They have only each other, their legs and their weapons.

Mikasa keeps her Beretta in hand. She protects Levi, who only has a Crossbow and a gun at his waist. When Levi hunts, Mikasa protects him.

That is their life. The hunters and the hunted.

Levi prefers this than to stay locked up anyway. He can’t stay cloistered in the base every day, every night. He loves his freedom; he loves to breathe clean air, to feel the sun warm up his skin, to admire the stars at night. Levi loves life and hates nothing as much as being locked up. The problem is that in this post-apocalyptic period, locking yourself up is the only sure way of surviving.

But Levi knows that many people continue to dream of something else. That is why the stories of the new guy fascinates them so much. Eren brings assurance that a good life exists elsewhere than in these undergrounds. The inhabitants of the base already know it, thanks to Hange, but this idea faded with time. Especially since Hange spoke little of her life in the City. Eren’s arrival revived it.

Levi hoists himself outside, breathing deeply. It’s a good day, the sky is clear and the sun is blazing in the middle. He hopes that it stays like that. Mikasa follows him. She puts the slab back, concealing the opening, and glances at the horizon.

It is an innate sense now. Watching everything as soon as they are outside. The slightest breath, odor, sound. Levi sometimes wonders how it was before, when humans could walk in a park or on the streets without being afraid to be served as a meal at the first zombie that passes by.

Crossbow and quiver slung over his shoulder, Levi trots to the edge of the forest five hundred meters away. They are really lucky to be located so close to the woods. There are always wild animals within reach. Rabbits, hinds, deer. 

They never use their automatic weapons in this type of mission, except in case of imminent peril - attack of Walkers. In order to not attract attention more than necessary, they use only silent weapons to hunt. Levi boasts of being the master in this matter. It is Nile who had taught him all that he knows about hunting. But he grew up to be better than his master. 

Levi used to run around on everywhere when he was younger. He always wanted to learn everything, to discover everything, to do everything. He wanted to go to the surface and kill the _"evil men-eating zombies"._ Kenny had made him understand that the war was already lost. It was no longer a question of fighting, but of surviving from now on. Then, faced with a Levi so hungry for life and after one of his run-aways to the surface, the adults had understood that they would never be able to lock Levi down. This kid is born to live outside. So they decided to give him the means to defend himself when he’s out.

Nile had taught Levi to be silent at all times. _Avoid branches that crack. Avoid leaves_. He had taught him to turn into a ghost. Teaching Levi to be silent. Teaching him how to be patient and just _wait._ The task wasn’t easy for a noisy, impatient Levi but he learned eventually.

That's why Levi was very surprised when Mikasa arrived in the community to realize that she was already a ghost. She knows perfectly how to blend into the mass and move without any noise. She has eagle eyes and a sharp ear. She learned how to survive in her clan. Except that at the time, she was taught to defend herself against zombies, not to hunt Bambi. _Yes, Levi knows the Bambi story. They also have books for children in the HQ, thank you very much._

Kenny refused to let Levi alone at that time. When Mikasa arrived, she was frustrated that she could not get out too. Then, of course, they had disobeyed together. It was only when they had brought back a doe that Kenny had finally let them go out officially to hunt. The survivors were getting food, Mikasa and Levi could breathe in the open air for several hours, it was beneficial for everyone.

It’s after hours of lurking that Levi spots a deer. In silence, he points it out to Mikasa, who follows wordlessly. Levi does not particularly like to hunt, because it reminds him of his situation with Walkers. But he loves the sensation of adrenaline, the calm, the silence and freshness of the woods, the purity of the air. Only on these occasions does he feel safety.

It’s only on these occasions that he feels that he’s not the prey.

Levi never makes his prey suffer. Nile had also taught him how to kill them properly. One more thing the zombies did not know how to do.

He walks until he sees it from behind a tree and he halts in his steps. The wind blows against his face, _good he won’t catch his scent_. The deer twitches its ears, turning slightly away from Levi. Mikasa is facing back as he pulls his Crossbow in his hand and slowly advances. He glances at the ground now and then to make sure he doesn’t step on anything. Just as he tries to pull of the safety slowly from his Crossbow, his fingers slip and it clicks. The noise isn’t loud but the deer catches it. It faces Levi as if sensing something out of place. Levi freezes in his tracks, holding his breath. Few seconds pass and the deer turns away gazing as if everything is fine. Just as Levi moves to shoot, the deer jumps away.

“ _Fuck!_ ”

Mikasa giggles behind him. “Come on we have enough no need to follow that one. We wasted a lot of time anyway.”

They have to go back. Everyone "from the outside", those who work outside, have to make sure to return to the base at regular intervals. It’s prohibited to spend more than a few hours outside without giving news, in exception to some cases, otherwise it causes panic. Kenny would have to take a decision to forbid them from going out for a while. We do not compromise with safety rules.

Mikasa and Levi don’t like to return too soon nonetheless. So they perch themselves on a tree, too high for zombies to reach them or climb due to their badly coordinated movements. Up there, Levi takes out of his sack the two cakes that Mama had prepared for them for their expedition. He hands one to Mikasa, then turns his gaze over to the rest of the forest.

Stretches of high trees and green lands before his eyes. Everything seems massive. The wind blows slightly and the cool breeze makes him shiver. Their feet dangle in the air. Levi licks at his lips collecting crumbs from the edges of his mouth. Everything is quiet. Everything is peaceful.

Until Mikasa opens her mouth and ruins his serenity.

“I heard about what happened last night.”

Levi stiffens pursing his lips.

“Oh! Come on. You're not going to scold me too, are you? I already have Hange, Kenny and Petra on my back, if you start doing the same, I’ll knock you over and leave you in the woods.”

Mikasa shrugs, nonchalantly. _Always nonchalant, this Mikasa._

“I'm not going to blame you for your attitude. You're no longer a kid, you love and hate who you want. I am not Hange, who wants everyone to love and live in peace.”

“Then what’s your problem?”

Mikasa scoffs and shakes her head.

“Nothing, I don’t have a problem. You get defensive as soon as we talk about this guy, it’s quite funny. You pick on him and attack him even though he's not been directly targeting you for a while. You had not been reacting like this for a long time.”

“Like what?”

“So alive.” She looks at him and he scowls.

“What does that even mean?”

“You are always yelling and shitting on people, but then you've reached a new level with this guy. It’s the Cold War between you two. Whereas, as Hange would say, “he did not do anything the poor thing, it's not his fault if he is like that.”

“ _Please_! Do not bullshit me with that too! One chooses what one believes. I choose to think he is an asshole and he chose to think that I am a repulsive being, each his convictions.”

Mikasa sighs and runs her hand through her hair, combing it back.

Levi narrows his eyes after a while of silence. “Confess that it was Hange who sent you on a mission to "maintain peace".”

Mikasa smiles. It is crazy that the mention of Hange and her good deeds is enough to make her shine as brightly as the sun.

“She does not like conflicts. You know she's trying to approach Eren? She tries to make him understand little by little that what we are is not "bad". Armin as well apparently. Since he is now able to stay within three meters of us and without insulting us, I presume that her methods are bearing fruit.”

“Cool.”

Levi shrugs then climbs down. What do they all have with this guy?

He barely waits for Mikasa as he walks towards the base.

“Fine, whatever, run! See who will protect you.” She calls after him.

He raises his middle finger in the air as a reply.

**

Two months after Eren’s arrival and Levi still can’t stand him. They don’t talk to each other except to argue. Levi leaves the room as soon as he sees him. He’s just following Kenny's instructions to avoid him, so what’s everyone’s problem?

Even if it is true that Eren is now able to stay in the same room as Mikasa, Hange and Levi. Apparently, Hange even managed to talk to him. According to her, Eren remains defensive but is no longer as hostile as before. He is able to hold a civilized conversation as long as no reference to Hange's sexuality is made.

Good for him.

His reactions are less violent than when he arrived. Levi doesn’t know if he is trying to make an effort or if his vision of them is starting to improve slightly. He had apparently become friends with many people here. He is less annoying than when he arrived. He is more involved with life here. He even teaches some stuff to the children. According to Petra, he makes efforts to fit in.

Levi still doesn’t believe in this sudden change of personality. He remains marked by the homophobic comments he had received at the beginning of his arrival. 

It’s midnight when Levi heads to the bathroom for a shower. He always prefers to shower in the middle of the night before sleeping. As he opens the door to the bathroom, he comes face to face with Eren, long wet hair cascading down his shoulders and soaking his shirt.

Eren gasps, green eyes widening slightly. Then his body relaxes upon seeing Levi.  

_Is he going to run?_

Eren freezes in his spot, takes a deep breath as if trying to hold himself together, then shifts out of the way. Levi enters without glancing at him. 

As Levi removes his shirt, he hears him clear his throat behind him and then the click of the door as he leaves.

**

Two and a half months later and Levi is still as annoyed by him. Mikasa said she has no energy to waste on him, Hange thinks everyone can be saved. Levi had even seen them talk with him from time to time.

 _Fine_ , Levi would hate him on behalf of them.

Okay, he has to admit that Eren seems nicer now that he doesn’t insult him anymore or doesn’t run away, swearing as soon as he crosses them in a corridor. He only responds to Levi’s childish attempts, without really seeking him. He despises him from a distance now.

Levi still feels his look of deep contempt for him as soon as their eyes meet. They still hate each other, but it seemed that Levi's sexuality is no longer the main reason. Had he gone over it? Is Eren now capable of seeing in them anything but mere sick perverted people?

Levi and Armin finally reconciled. Levi no longer messes with Eren in front of Armin. Apparently, they had become very friendly with each other. They had started talking to each other as roommates and they became really close. Armin has a big heart, Levi should have known that he would not resist the urge to help Eren, lost and terrified. There is always tension between Armin and Levi from time to time. Armin says that Eren is making efforts, that he is changing and that Levi should understand that and grow up.

 _Right!_ It’s Levi’s fault now!

Despite behaving badly people here tend to forget that Eren is banished from the City. He did something illegal that got him kicked out and yet no one knows what it is. Levi is still suspicious. And he does not hesitate to make his opinions heard. This is his home not Eren’s.

“Do you seriously have nothing else to do with your life?” Eren snaps after a comment Levi throws at him in the corridor, after a day where Levi had been particularly unbearable. “Besides being infected, you're immature.”

 _Infected._ Levi had already heard him utter this word. Like a virus. In the city, they consider homosexuality a viral disease.

Levi grits his teeth.

“Well, fuck you, _Princess.”_

He could have controlled himself and move on but he chose not to. Levi pushes violently at his shoulder slamming him against the wall. Eren jerks away from him immediately as if Levi’s touch had burned him.

Levi hears a “here we go again” from people around them. He doesn’t let go.

“Don’t fucking touch me.”

Touching is Eren’s limit and Levi knows it. Eren is able to stay in the same room as them, talk to them and hold a civilized conversation with them. However, he is unable to have any physical contact, even a small one, with all those he had previously considered "infected". Touching is a hard limit for him.

Levi, because he loves to play, because he hates losing, raises his arm and touches his shoulder with his index finger, a smug smile and a defiant look on his face.

Eren holds his breath his body going rigid and tense.

What Levi didn’t expect is the fist coming at his face. He stumbles back under the force. A dull pain already searing through his cheek. Eren stands still in front of him seeming as surprised as Levi by what he did.

Levi hears gasps around them almost everyone stands still waiting to see what’s going to happen.

Levi blinks, rubs at his cheek.

As soon as Eren makes a move to leave, Levi punches back.

In a matter of seconds, they’re on each other. Punching, kicking, rolling on the floor, scratching even. Levi feels two pairs of arms grasp him, pulling him back from Eren. Armin, Petra and Tomas help Eren stand.

Levi glares at him as they both pant.

They just fought. Kenny is not going to be happy about this and Levi knows he won’t hear the end of this. They’re going to have problems.

Levi has heard of the school system before the apocalypse. Pixies, the oldest man in the community, loves to tell his many excursions to "the headmaster’s office”. That situation sounds just like his situation right now.

Levi sits in front of Kenny's office, Eren next to him. Kenny sighs deeply and stares at them for a moment impassively. Levi, accustomed, doesn’t flinch. Eren, unaccustomed to this kind of interrogation, squirms in his chair beside him.

“A-are you going to kick me out?” Eren whispers beside him loud enough to be heard in the silent room. He looks down at his hands clenched on his lap, his leg shaking nervously.

Levi would have reached out and comfort him. Tell him that they don’t have harsh rules like that in their community. Instead, he relishes in Eren’s fear and smiles. Kenny glares at him noticing his expression.

“No.” Kenny leans on his desk. “But this won’t go unpunished I’ve had it with both of you.”

 Eren leans forward “But he—”

“Enough!” Kenny slams at the table. Levi rolls his eyes and Eren slumps back on his chair.

“There are strict rules here. We fight outside, against Walkers, not amongst each other.” Kenny drops coldly, glancing at both of them. “Anyone who violates these rules is subject to sanctions. Since you are unable to put your differences aside and stay in the same room for more than ten seconds, I will force you to do so. You will spend three days in cell No. 6. On your own.”

“Excuse me?” Levi exclaims, dumbfounded.

“Out of the question!” Eren gasps beside him.

“Levi, _be quiet_. Eren, you have no choice.” Kenny intertwines his hands on the desk, glaring. “You will have your meals handed to you. Aside from that, you will not have any contact with anyone else.”

“You can’t _ground_ me!” Levi laughs indignant and disbelieving.

“If you’re going to act like a goddamn child I’m going to treat you like one.”

Levi’s laugh drops and he huffs angrily glaring sideways at Eren.

Kenny watches them.

“That’s all. You can leave.”

Eren rises from his chair and leaves, shoulders hunched. As Levi leans closer to the desk, Kenny waves his hand at him.

“Don’t even try Levi. You will do what I say. Next time, think about the consequences of your actions.”

The sentence fell.

**

Levi scowls at his bag. He takes extra clothes, his pillow and blanket. Erwin is trying so hard not to laugh, watching him.

“Good luck, Kitten, it's only three days. Do not let him approach you and suffer in silence. Even if silence is not your thing, I know.”

Levi grunts. “Don’t call me that.”

He’s already in a bad mood like, no need to add a layer. Erwin has this annoying mania for wanting to infantilize him, which is _unbearable_.

“See you in three days.” Levi says, swinging his bag on his back. Erwin, by the door, presses his lips against Levi’s. Levi pouts as they hug and Erwin ruffles his hair.

“This is ridiculous!” Levi whines.

“That’s Kenny for you.” Erwin chuckles, leaning against the doorframe and watches Levi disappear at the end of the corridor.

Levi hopes that Kenny at least provides them with mattresses. He rejoins Cell No. 6 with heavy steps. He doesn’t like to be locked up. So being locked up with _him_ is going to be absolute Hell.

Kenny stands in front of the Cell near Tomas. Eren is leaning against the wall. More astonishingly, Armin and Nifa, the little girl who is following Eren everywhere, are with him. Levi feels a bit alone. He is the victim in the story, yet he’s the one who comes unaccompanied. He feels like he is being led to a gallows.

“Here you are, _finally._ ” Kenny says sternly. “You're late, Levi.”

“I’m in no hurry to be in a room of ten square meters with a guy who would rather see me dead.”

Eren's eye roll did not escape Levi. Kenny sighs shaking his head exasperatedly and opens the black door of the cell. As Levi peers over his shoulder, everything is dark inside.

Levi doesn’t want to go in. No more than Eren who visibly flinches at the darkness. Still, Eren folds his arms over his chest and walks into the room first. Levi purses his lips and follows, his bag over his shoulder.

“Petra will bring you food three times a day. Other than that, you will not have communication with anyone else. You only have each other. Don’t do anything stupid.”

Levi hears Eren snort out of disdain. _You little—_

“See you in three days!"

Kenny closes the door. Levi is still standing at the entrance, looking around. The only light comes from the low ceiling’s light bulb. On the walls are shelves filled with boxes. There is little space on the floor. Eren settles himself into a corner. Levi sits down in the opposite corner, two mattresses halfway between them. Mattresses so thin that Levi knows he will have a backache tomorrow, but he’s used to it. When they go on a mission for several days, their living conditions are rough. He had already slept on the floor more than once.

But not in his fucking _home_. Now he has to all because of this brat.

Levi sits silently and pulls his legs to his chest. He hates being locked up. He hates to know that there is no way out. He learned to survive by looking for emergency exits and he feels powerless in this place. He feels imprisoned. Which he is, in a way.

Eren, opposite him, keeps his eyes obstinately riveted on the wall in front of him. He doesn’t even blink, extremely tense. His hands clench at his sides so tight that his knuckles turn white. He’s breathing the same air molecules as Levi. _He is going to be contaminated, careful there!_

Hours pass with interminable slowness. Neither of them speaks. Levi pulls his mattress and stretches himself on his back, his eyes staring at ceiling. Eren doesn’t glance his away as if he’s not even in the same room as him. He had brought books with him. Levi feels stupid for not having something to entertain him. Those three days are going to be endless. Levi muffles his groan and exhales through his nose.

The first day passes in complete silence. The lights go out in the evening after their dinner. Levi rolls himself in his blanket and lays down facing the wall. Eren still doesn’t speak. Levi doesn’t know if he wants him to. All he knows is that it’s too silent.

**

Noises in the middle of the night stirs Levi from his sleep. He blinks his eyes open to complete darkness. Then he hears the source of his disturbance. He hears scratching at what appears to be some surface. A wall. He shudders at the feeling of nails scrapping against it. Then he hears whimpers. He frowns in the darkness. Inaudible words mixed with low whimpers that turn to full on screams.

He jumps to his feet and reaches for his belt to seize his non-existent weapon; mind foggy by sleep, convinced that he is out on a mission and attacked by _them._

_“Let go! … Don’t touch me! Help! Isabel? Isabel, No!”_

The screams come from Eren.

Levi freezes, as he keeps listening. Eren sounds terrified. And for the first time in three months, Levi meets again the terrified boy he saved.

“Eren.” He whispers to what he assumes Eren’s direction. But his voice is muffled by Eren’s cries.

“Eren!” He yells, more urgently. He doesn’t dare to move and touch him. He can’t even see his own hands in the dark.

The yelling stops and he hears a thud. Eren must have hit himself when he woke up. Through the silence in the room, Levi can hear his laboured breathing. Shaky and fast.

“You had a nightmare.” His voice came out harsher than he wanted it to be. He’s usually more gentle when he sees others suffer. He doesn’t like being this cold in this situation. He hears Eren take a deep breath, he doesn’t speak.

“Are you okay?” Levi asks gentler this time.

Eren remains quiet for a few more minutes. And when he finally speaks, he totally ignores his question.

“Sorry for waking you up.” He says instead, voice so low almost whispering. He sounds shaken up there is no hint of his aggressive defiant tone.

Levi sits back down on his mattress. He bites his tongue to not say something nice or ask more questions. Eren doesn’t deserve neither his kindness nor his gentleness.

Levi lays down, wide-awake staring at nothing for a very long time. Eren is awake as well. Levi can tell when he hears him moving around his mattress and through his irregular breathing. He seems unable to sleep. Neither of them speak. They spend hours awake in total darkness wordlessly.

Sleep, _finally_ , catches Levi at dawn.

He is still asleep when the lights go on as they bring them breakfast.

Levi wakes up around lunch. Eren is reading his book in his corner. Armin joins Petra to deliver their lunch. He stays for a while after she leaves, peering at them curiously.

“I’m glad you’re both still alive!”

Eren shrugs.

“He’s more civilized than I thought” Levi yawns, scratching his hair. “He seems to realize that breathing the same air as me won’t make him want to kiss me.”

Armin rolls his eyes.

“Levi, be nice. Please! Make an effort. We are all so done with the war between you two. It’s unbearable. Try to live without being mean to each other. That would be so cool.”

“Unlike some people, I don’t make alliances with enemies.”

Armin tenses, shakes his head and rubs at his forehead. Levi can see him clench his jaw and he feels guilty. Armin is like his little brother and he obviously hurt his feelings, _again_.

“Armin I—”

“Save it, Levi. I got it, I’m a traitor. Have a nice day rotting in here.”

Armin leaves slamming the door shut behind him. Levi groans flopping on his back. Silence falls on the room again and Levi starts to suffocate until Eren unexpectedly speaks.

“You’re being mean to Armin and it’s hurting his feelings”

Levi looks at him, surprised to hear his voice and find him staring at him. It’s the first time since they got here that he looks at him.

“Thank you for your observation. Mind your damn business.”

Eren slams his book on the mattress, glaring at him. Levi feels uncomfortable under his gaze suddenly.

“It is my business that you’re mad at Armin because of me. He’s a really nice guy. Even though I wasn’t particularly…  Nice to his friends, he makes efforts to befriend me. He helps me get my way around here, and he genuinely wants to know me. As far as I see, he seems to not like being around people and yet he comes to me. He tries to help me fit me. He tries to help _us._ He wants us to get along so he tries to change my opinions on…” Eren fumbles with his words not knowing what to say. “…People like you. He’s your friend and he knows you, he tries to show me who you really are through his eyes. He describes you as a cool guy, even though you’re stubborn and never listen to anybody. Seeing how you act right now, you don’t deserve any nice thing he says about you, because to me you really sound like an asshole.”

Eren folds his arms over his chest, green eyes staring at him, challenging. Levi stays quiet for a few seconds, surprised by Eren’s speech. He never spoke this much to him.

“I’m not—” Levi hesitates then shakes his head and continues. “I’m not an asshole. I’m just… _Look_ Armin is my little brother. When he came here seven years ago, I took care of him. He was ten and I was fourteen, he was terrified of everyone and everything and only warmed up to me, I protect him from everything. Then _you_ … _You come here, you hate me, I disgust you_ , I got that but then he takes your side. You treat me like a piece of shit and he becomes your friend. Of course I’m going to be mad.”

Levi watches Eren’s jaw clench as he grits his teeth. He inhales deeply through his nose.

“I don’t…. I don’t consider you as a piece of shit. I just can’t get over your actions. I was raised with the idea that a man is to be with a woman and that any other relationship is just…. Banned. Punishable, shameful, Immoral. Whatever you want to call it.”

“Okay I get it no need for your—”

“No! You don’t get it!” Eren leans forward glaring. “You don’t get anything. Look I am who I am. A jerk if you want, a homophobic rich spoiled brat like you called me the last couple of weeks. But that’s how I was raised. Don’t act like you would react differently if you were in my shoes. Do you really think you would have been the same if you were raised in the City? Trust me, you wouldn’t. You think you’re right and I believe I’m right okay? To me, what you do is bad. I’ve seen people executed for what you do because it’s a crime. It endangers the human race even more. We have to keep reproducing and people like you can’t do that. It’s not natural, it’s punishable by god. It’s bad.”

Eren’s tone is so harsh that Levi wants to throw up. Even though has never heard his version of the story and he just contents himself with hating him from afar, He doesn’t like what he hears. What kind of excuse is that? “That’s how I was raised.” So what? It doesn’t excuse acting like a jerk to people that saved you.

What change is everyone talking about? Levi can see that nothing has changed in him. He still thinks the same way. At least now, he understand why. Levi has an explanation for his behaviour. An explanation that he finds ridiculous.

“Just so you know,” Eren, snaps him out of his thoughts before he could reply. “I’m not telling you that so we can become friends or whatever. I’m just trying to make you understand what Armin is doing. Armin talks a lot about you, Hange and Mikasa. He tells me funny stories about you. Things that makes you human to me. He tries to make me remove the labels that I’ve put on you. He’s always telling me that it’s the way you are and that it’s okay. He told me about Mikasa and Hange’s story. So yeah, I think you’re not being fair. Because Armin is doing everything for you and he doesn’t deserve to be treated like that.”

Levi watches him take his book and lays down back to him. He doesn’t speak to him for the rest of the day. Levi thinks about what he told him.

If he were raised differently, how would he react? If he had been brainwashed by all these horrible ideas? Levi already knows the answer. Considering his personality, he would have reacted just as badly. That’s what he’s doing anyway. He’s reacting badly towards Eren. But he has excuses. He’s humiliated in his own home. He’s being attacked by Eren’s ideology.

 


	6. The city

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! just to clarify things in this chapter; Paradis Island and everything in my AOT world is part of our real World! if things get confusing later in the chapter let me know!!

Eren whimpering and calling for help awakens Levi in the middle of the night.

 _Again_.

He seems to think he’s outside in his nightmares. Sometimes he calls out for Isabel. Levi wonders if that’s his girlfriend.

Levi sits up and breathes deeply trying to calm his racing heart. He rubs sleepily at his eyes looking in Eren’s direction. If Levi was really a bad person, he would have let him suffer in his nightmares. But he’s a decent human.

“Eren? Eren, wake up.” The other doesn’t react, even when Levi calls him louder.

Levi sighs frustrated from lack of sleep, rises and stumbles blindly in the room, trying to not trip over the cardboard boxes. He crawls and advances to Eren’s mattress. He knows that he shouldn’t touch him. Many who had lived outside, at night, had such nightmares. The problem was that some people thought the zombies caught them when they were touched during their dreams. They then have panic attacks. It had happened to Armin once. Levi had never taken anyone by the arm in their sleep ever since.

Kneeling next to him, Levi pats around him to find the glass of water he had seen Eren place near his mattress. Upon finding it, he grabs it and empties it over Eren’s head.

Eren screams and sits up so abruptly that he hits Levi's shoulder.

“Isabel! N-nein! Bitte… Hilfe!” He coughs, unable to breath. With his hands flailing around in the dark, he hits Levi again and he yelps. Before Levi even has the time to react, he receives a punch in his jaw.

“Eren—” Levi is pushed backwards as Eren jumps at him. He’s on top of him in seconds grunting and breathing heavily. He grabs at Levi’s hair and curls his other hand around Levi’s neck maintaining him on the ground. Levi struggles against him. If he hits him he’ll make him panic even more but If he doesn’t, Eren is going to choke him. 

And when Eren tightens his hold against Levi’s neck, his eyes widen. Eren might have taken him by surprise and has him on the floor but Levi is stronger than him.

“W-wait! Eren, it's Levi!” Eren's grip on him loosens as Levi twists his wrist violently. He pushes him away with his leg reversing their position. Eren yelps in pain and his body tenses under Levi’s. “You had a nightmare. Everything is fine. You are safe.”

 “You're in the base. There are no zombies here. Everything is fine.” He breaths out softly, eyes wide in the dark. “You’re safe.” He can’t see him but he can feel him tremble against him. Levi sits up pulling Eren with him.

Eren makes a wordless sound as he sighs in relief. He whimpers breathless and rests his head against Levi’s chest. He takes deep breathes for a few seconds. They’re suddenly so close that Levi even feels Eren’s breath fanning over his neck. He shivers involuntarily.

“R-Remember what I told you when I found you.” He clears his throat painfully aware of their position. “I will not let anyone hurt you.”

The vision of Eren the first time Levi found him surges in his mind again. The Eren who did not hate him yet. The Eren who he felt the need to protect. The Eren who had not yet shown that he was full of prejudices.

Levi doesn’t like him but he is not a monster. He will not let anything hurt the members of his community, whether he gets along with them or not.

Eren, seeming to finally come back to his senses, releases him abruptly. He backs away immediately and hits the wall behind him with a thud.

Levi lays still not knowing _what the fuck just happened._

“I—I’m sorry I thought—” He cuts himself and takes a deep breath. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Levi rubs at his jaw, chuckling. “You do have a strong right hand, I’ll give you that. This is the second time in the same spot.”

Eren doesn’t reply. Levi hears him breathing heavily somewhere in front of him.

“I can’t believe you poured water all over me.” Eren lets out, after a few minutes of silence.

“If I knew you’d attack me either way I wouldn’t have done that.” Levi snorts squinting at his general direction. “You’re welcome.”

“You’re being nice at the moment and I don’t know how to react.”

Levi hears movement from Eren’s side.

“Well you’re not being hateful at the moment.”

“I don’t really hate you. I just don’t understand you, that's all.”

Levi crawls to sit near him, cross-legged. He doesn’t understand why he didn’t go back to his corner. Perhaps because the Eren he has in front of him looks more like the impression he had of him when he found him. He doesn’t feel that this Eren hates him. Maybe it is easier in the dark, when he can’t see his disgusted expression or hateful glares.

“I better not fall sick, I’m all wet!” Levi hears rustling of sheets. He assumes Eren rapped himself under the covers.

The members of the community like Levi in general. Some just struggle with his bad temper. And he accepts that, he doesn’t really care about it. But dealing with hate because of something that is out of his control, is what he can’t come to terms with.

“Well my name is Levi. I am twenty-one. I’ve been living in this base since I was nine. Kenny found me when I was five. I’m part of the expedition team. I’m also a hunter. That _is who I am_. The rest does not matter. I don’t know why people like you don’t understand that. No one should care if I sleep with girls or boys, it does not change who I am.” He feels ridiculous talking through the dark without seeing Eren. He expects to be ignored but Eren speaks again.

“So you’re just a mean guy?” He hears the smile lacing Eren’s voice.

Against all odds, Levi laughs.

“Yep! I’m kinda the evil one in the community.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“Just so you know you're still a shitty brat to me. _This—_ ” He gestures around them even though Eren can’t see him. “—changes nothing.”

“Why are you sitting next to me then?”

Levi remains silent for a moment. Why is he still sitting here? Why does he feel the need to explain himself and make Eren change his mind? Why does he feel the need to be nice right now? He truly doesn’t know.

“Armin used to have nightmares when he arrived here. I took care of him. He was ten years old. Kenny brought him back from a mission outside. He had found him in an abandoned house. He had been there for three days, alone. His parents had left and never returned. We never knew if they had abandoned him voluntarily or if they had been attacked. Kenny told Armin that they probably died. As for me.”

Levi lowers his voice, as if Armin is likely to hear him from where he was.

“I do not think so. You do not leave your child alone out there. Never. You take the risk of dying alone to feed those you love but you do not leave your kid unable to defend himself. I never told Armin. He does not need to know that, it would hurt him. It is better that he keeps his father's image as this cool inventor who taught him everything. When he gets nightmares he always asks me to stay with him until he falls asleep again.”

Levi stops abruptly. Darkness had always made him talk. He often forgets who’s actually with him. Mikasa said that was how Erwin started to fall for him. Because Levi gave a little more of him when he was laying in the dark in his room. Never much, especially to Erwin, but visibly enough for his roommate to start falling for him.

"You actually sound less stupid when I don’t see your face." Eren says suddenly.

Levi leans forward to punch at his shoulder, as he would have done with anyone. His hand brush against Eren’s chest or shoulder and the latter stiffens and moves away immediately. As if, Levi’s touch had burned him.

_Shit._

Levi had forgotten he should not touch him. He had always been quite touchy and had never had to restrain himself before. He had forgotten.

“Sorry.”

Eren doesn’t answer. Levi rises from his position, stretches his limbs and joins his bed in silence. They don’t speak again until Levi eventually falls back to a dreamless sleep.

**

When he wakes up on the morning of the third day, Eren is still sitting in his corner of the room, a photo album on his lap. His features are peaceful, softer than Levi had ever seen in his presence.

Levi grumbles a grumpy good morning. Eren looks up at him. His mouth stretches into a smile as he takes in Levi's disheveled head.

“Morning. Your hair is a mess!”

Levi groans, flattens his hair and yawns. He had become used to snarky exchanges with Eren in recent weeks. Yet there is something different this morning. His remark is more playful than insulting.

Is it because he had made the effort to wake him up during his nightmare, despite their argument?

Eren seems less willing to spit on him than before. It is a progress he’s surprised they made.

“Is that you as a kid?” In his sleepy haze Levi looks up at the album in his hands absently, he frowns.

Him as a kid? Eren turns around the pages and Levi’s eyes widen when his mind registers what he sees.

“What do you think you’re doing with that?” he cries, jumping to his feet.

He crosses the room in a few seconds and tears the album from his hands with a racing heart. Nobody has access to that part of his life except for a few people. It’s too personal. Eren’s eyes narrow.

“Sorry, I meant no harm.” he drops coldly as he looks down at the floor, carefully avoiding Levi's eyes.

“What were you doing with that?” Levi asks again, holding the album to his chest.

“What do we do with photo albums? Please enlighten me because I thought it was just for looking at damn photos.” Eren sighs “Look I’m making efforts okay? I don’t want to have you as my company for the rest of my days. Thank you!”

Levi takes a step back, slightly offended.

“Why are you doing this?”

Eren glares at him.

“Because I do not intend to go out there all alone and I don’t think you’re planning on moving out of the base in the immediate future either, so we will have to learn to live together. And it pains Armin that I see you as... someone abnormal and that we fight all the time.” Eren crosses his arms over his chest. “Even though you’re unbearable, stubborn, you're disrespectful, you think you're allowed to do whatever you want, _I_ do not want to spend the rest of my days bothered with having you around. We live together! I’m tired of this!”

Levi stares at him dumbfounded. He is much stronger than when Levi found him. He had gained weight again.

Why is he even interested in _that_ suddenly?

“I don’t want to fight constantly. Kenny told me that only idiots are narrow-minded and I’m not an idiot. Hange looks like a nice person. It's been weeks that she tries to approach me. We talked a few times, once Armin assured me that there was no danger. And I really am not nice to her. I ... I tried to find the differences, to watch the symptoms of any disease, but she looks normal. And it's an idea that makes its way into my head. I'm learning to see you normally.” Eren rubs at his forehead “Look, I know it sounds ridiculous to you, but to me, you are sick, you suffer from a virus and in the City, people like you are treated by whipping or death. It took me a long time to learn that I could approach you without risk of being contaminated, and it will take me some time to come to believe that you are normal.”

Levi stands a few feet away from him, listening to his speech. He’s actually listening and not just trying to come up with a way to insult him.

“You were not like that a few weeks ago. You would not have tried to change the opinion you had of us when you arrived.” He says eventually, peering at him curiously.

Eren scowls, rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

“I came here _ten weeks ago_ , Levi. I spend most of my days with Armin and talk a lot with Kenny, Petra, Anna and a lot of others. I have heard so much that there is nothing wrong with your situation. And I’ve got to admit that someone must be wrong. And to know what’s right from wrong, I must check on my own. I am a scientist. I believe what I see.”

“And what do you see?” Levi whispers as he sits opposite him, one meter away. Eren's eyes follow him closely. He has beautiful eyes, Levi had to admit that. They’re fascinating. It’s like they change color, sometimes they appear blue-ish.

“I see a guy who prefers to attack us before we attack him. That's what you do with me for three months. You do not try. Hange is making efforts. Mikasa does not seem to care about my ... prejudices. You, on the other hand, are just looking for it, throwing insults and snarky remarks. I don’t even hate you, I just don’t approve of your choices. Now, I find you uninteresting. We could come to live in peace if you did not persist in seeing the devil in me, like your boyfriend there, Erwin. That's why we're stuck in this room. Because you're not able to see that I'm not going to bother you if you stay away from me.”

Levi stares at him blankly. “Is this the part where I'm supposed to open up my heart to you and tell you my deepest darkest secrets?”

Eren’s eyes widen comically, he open his mouth to speak but closes it again. He blinks at him.

“I— you really are unable to hold an adult conversation. Wow!” He then lays down on his mattress and turns his back to Levi before grabbing his blanket and pulling it violently over his head.

“I'm not used to this,” Levi says suddenly. “ I don’t hate you for your sexual orientation. I just don’t like your attitude. You as a person, not any other aspect.” Eren peers at him from under the covers, only his green eyes are visible.

Levi likes to play with people's emotions. He knows how to do it. He knows how to extract anger, hate, jealousy, love, desire. But Eren’s hate is unexpected, he didn’t provoke it and it is for something he can’t change or control. And it drives him a bit over the edge.

“If it can reassure you, I do not see you anymore as ... everything I qualified you before. The fag, etcetera etcetera ... Now, you're just the asshole who likes to make my life miserable.”

“ _Me? I_ make _your life_ _miserable_? Are you kidding me? You hate my guts!” Levi gasps incredulously.

Eren shakes his head.

“No, You’re the one who’s looking for trouble, that's what you do with me. You fight. You fight constantly, you fight outside, you fight here with me, and I think you like it. You like to be confronted, you like to be answered. Otherwise, you'd be bored. You need to feel alive and I have the impression that a guy like you only feels alive in violence, combat and rage.”

Levi freezes. It is scary. This guy doesn’t know him, yet few people had described him as well as he just did. He tightens his hold against his Album, knuckles turning white.

"I'm not your dog," Eren concludes, raising his brow in a defiant manner. “I am trying to learn from what might seem to be errors in judgment. You should do the same, just to grow up a little. It would be nice if we coexist peacefully.” He reaches for his book and goes back under the covers.

Levi remains there for a long time, stunned, frowning deep in thought, staring at his covered form before getting up softly and going into the adjoined bathroom.

Is he really the one stirring up troubles? Is he really that unbearable? But it’s Eren who keeps attacking him yet claims otherwise.

They spend the rest of the day without a word, Eren reading and Levi going through his album.

In the evening, before dinner, Kenny bursts into their room. He stands by the doorway, his eyes flitting back and forth between Eren in one corner and Levi in the other.

“Do you need to stay in there for another day or two or is everything settled?”

Levi wordlessly picks his things up. He crosses the room to reach the door. He stops in front of Kenny and turns his head to meet Eren's eyes, staring at him.

"Everything is settled," he says softly before leaving the room.

**

There was a problem with one of the wind turbines. Armin had sent the information to Kenny, who had asked Levi to look after the person who would take care of the repairs.

Levi is in the old guardhouse, smearing himself with mint. He has to accompany the one who is in charge of fixing the problem. He puts on his black shirt and rubs more mint over it. He turns around with a smile as he hears the door open, announcing the arrival of his sidekick. His smile fades as quickly as it came.

“Hey.”

Eren is standing in front of him, arms crossed over his chest. He’s wearing a protective suit. Pulled down around his waist, revealing his white shirt and the pendent hiding beneath it. Levi notices more and more that he is gaining muscle. More than three months here had been good for him. Levi would hardly have recognized the terrified young man that he had pulled out from the boxes.

No, Levi _is not_ checking him out.

“What are you doing here?”

“I'm supposed to repair the wind turbine. Believe me, I would have preferred to do that with someone else. But apparently all the guardians are busy elsewhere for the moment. You are the only one available.”

They are no longer in “war” since their forced stay together a week earlier. They try to make efforts. They try not to hate on each other openly.

“And why are you the one fixing it?” Levi questions with a raised brow as he rubs more mins on his neck.

Eren watches him for a few seconds.

“I’m an engineer. I was part of the energy sector in the city.”

Levi tries to hide his surprise. He had always believed that Eren had never done anything except lounging and getting girls and food. He should have known that this was not the case. He spoke too well to be illiterate and he had told him that he was a scientist. Levi underestimated him.

It's easier to bear someone's hate if you think badly of them. So Levi had found reasons to belittle him and hate him too during this time. A shield of protection he had built growing up. He did not believe Petra, Hange and Armin when they told him he was exaggerating. Now he is forced to admit that Eren had worked in the City more than Levi is willing to believe a few weeks earlier.

“Do you plan on protecting me outside or get me killed?” Eren shifts uncomfortably on his feet. Levi smirks as an answer.

They are on mission. Although he is still quite tempted by the idea of letting this guy get eaten by zombies, he is responsible for keeping him safe.

“You have to rub your suit and your skin with the mint that is on the table. Zombies seem to hate that and it covers our smell. They will only be able to smell you or feel you if you are really close to them.” Levi bends down and ties his bootlaces. “You must also make as little noise as possible. I know you like to be noticed wherever you go, but you'll have to make an effort.” He looks up at him smirking.

Eren rolls his eyes. Levi notices that he often does that.

“You should also tie your hair too. It gives them less grip. And use mint on it. Women who are used to going outside use mint shampoos made by Lynne.”

Eren puts on his suit properly, zipping it up. Levi, who never wore it because it limits his movements, had forgotten that people who occasionally go outside wear this type of suit that made them look like astronauts.

Levi grabs one of the guns on the table and hands it to him. He expects Eren to hesitate in front of it but he seizes the M9 gun with a gesture of accustomedness and hides it in the holster alongside his tool belt around his waist.

Levi is confused and surprisingly impressed. From spoiled brat, to a relatively intelligent scientist, before falling into the category of a weapon specialist. _Who is this guy really?_

Eren discovers Levi's astonished look as he looks up at him and scowls.

“I was taught to use guns in the City”

Levi does not push further. They are not friends. Levi pulls his stg-44 rifle over his shoulder and motions for Eren to follow him into the hallway.

“The wind turbines are fifty meters on our left. We do not run. We remain silent. We speak as little as possible. You do your job and we leave.”

Eren nods dryly. Even in the semi-darkness of the hallway, Levi could see his paleness.

“Are you going to pass out on me?” Levi asks his hand clutching the ladder as he glances at Eren.

Eren shakes his head vigorously.

“Okay” Levi is not convinced but he doesn’t insist “let's go.”

Levi climbs up the ladder first; pushes the trapdoor open and goes out into the open air. He closes his eyes just a few seconds after checking that the surroundings are deserted. When he opens his eyes again, Eren is halfway through the trapdoor. He tensely looks around.

“We have to move.”

Eren closes his eyes, takes a deep breath as if to calm himself.

Levi had forgotten it, but it was the first time Eren had returned to the surface since Levi, Erwin and Mikasa had brought him back to the base almost four months ago. He must be terrified. Levi would probably feel the same if he were in his place.

Yet Eren doesn’t back down like Connie did when he tried to go outside. Instead he opens his eyes and pushes himself outside of the trapdoor.

They walk side by side to the windmills, which stands tall and majestic, a little further. Levi remains down, weapon now in hand as Eren climbs up the ladder leading to the top of the Windmills. He pulls his tools from his belt, lines them beside him, and starts working.

Levi glances at him from time to time. He watches him lips drown between his teeth in concentration. Eyes narrowed and face flushed. There’s nothing around them and Levi is grateful for that. Cold breeze passes by and Levi sighs in relief at the freshness over his sweaty dump skin. According to Kenny the War of the Planet caused the weather to be messed up.

“I'm done.” Eren announces as he jumps to the ground, face flushed and shining with sweat.  

“Do you want to go for a walk before returning?” Levi jokes and watches the color drain from Eren’s face who stutters.

“I'm kidding, relax! you should’ve seen your face” He bursts out laughing.

Eren groans and starts walking ahead of him.

“Very funny!”

He doesn’t run to the base, but he walks quickly looking around. Obviously, he is more than anxious to be back safely in the darkness. He lifts trapdoor effortlessly and disappears down by taking the ladder. Levi remains a few moments in the open air before following him. He pulls the slab behind him, obstructing the opening, before going down the stairs. Eren is leaning against the wall, unzipping his suit down to his waist. His chest is rising and falling too fast but he is obviously trying not to show that he is shaking. His skin glistens with sweat under the dim light.

“You did well.” Levi surprises himself by saying. “Connie had a panic attack the only time he's gone out since arriving two years ago. He never came out again.”

Eren nods looking away.

“Thank you, but you don’t have to comfort me or whatever.” He says clearing his throat and lowering his voice. “I'm fine. I wasn’t scared.”

Levi chuckles shaking his head before moving off into the hallway.

“If that helps you sleep at night!”

He hears Eren’s hurried steps behind him.

“Hey! W-wait for me!”

**

Levi often joins Kenny to eat in his room on Tuesdays. It is their evening, since Levi had taken his independence and moved into a separate room. Kenny often buries himself in a book or in his report papers by expedition teams. He likes having a clear idea of what is going on outside and being always up to date. Eren had given him some material to work on recently. He had crossed a good part of Paradis on foot to escape the zombies apparently. He had always been in motion, that's what saved him.

"I know you do not like Eren, but it's nice enough to be able to talk to him about what he knew there. It brings new information. This kid is very smart. It’s like he has a map in his head, it's really good to update my plans and re-do a list of shelters and sources of useful supplies from here to the City.”

Levi hums without lifting his head from what he scribbles in his notebook. It never really bothers Kenny that Levi sometimes shuts himself off the world. He knows that his son needs to reset his energy and stop fighting against everything and everyone at times. It is tiresome to always come up with the right thing to say, the good insults, the funniest jokes. It is tiring to be sociable, and Levi likes to take a break sometimes.

They switch roles in those cases. Kenny, who does not speak much, usually fills the silence in their Tuesday nights. And Levi listens. He’s always paying attention to what his father tells him. Kenny rarely says unimportant things. Levi feels that he’s always learning with him, even after sixteen years together.

“Eren told me something really weird about the City.” Kenny leans back in his chair. “Apparently, they reinforced the Walls. Except that they did not reinforce it from the outside. They strengthened the interior of the City.”

Levi stops scribbling and frowns. Why should they bother reinforcing security on the inside of the wall and not outside?

Kenny scratches his chin. “It’s as if—”

“They’re not trying to stop the zombies from entering. They’re trying to keep humans from leaving.”

**

On Friday night, the whole community gathers in the HQ. They move the sofas in the center and they all hang out together. They do a gathering once a week. The music plays softly in the background and everyone is chatting and having a good time. Those who go outside update the rest on the outside world. Friday night is especially the story-telling night. The elders love to tell the stories of their youth. They love to talk about life before the Epidemic.

The oldest of them, Anna, was forty years old when the epidemic happened. She is seventy-two today but still remembers her life before. She had lived an ordinary life for forty years before seeing the world crumble. She had witnessed the near extinction of the human race.

Levi admires her deeply. This woman had lost her husband and two children. Her husband had fallen ill and had become a walker. Her children had died in a zombie attack when they joined a group of survivors near Klorba district. Yet she kept going and survived. She had joined another clan. She had chosen to join this community twenty years ago, when she had fallen in love with Kenny's father, the leader of this clan at the time.

Levi is considered a child of the apocalypse. He was born during the Epidemic. He never knew anything else, so he doesn’t really miss it that much. Not like the others do. Those who were ten, twenty, thirty years old during the spread of the epidemic. Who had known the Earth before. Who had known the happiness of being able to roam freely in the street and without fearing any attack from Walkers. Who had lived outdoors for years, who could feed themselves by going to the restaurant or going to the supermarket, who had gone to school or summer camp.

Pixies, the other elder of the clan, often said that it’s the small details that he really misses. Feeling rays of sunshine and breeze on his skin. Having chewing gums. Being able to access any information on the Internet. Switching on the TV and criticizing politicians. The smell of hot bread while passing by a bakery. Driving fast with open windows and blasting loud music. Never having to touch a weapon in your life.

Sometimes the elders like to talk to them about the “Pre-epidemic” Era. However, they rarely speak of the "apocalypse" itself. They usually focus on what had happened before, what happened afterward, but rarely linger over the fall of human civilization.

Except this Friday night.

Levi is sprawled on his usual sofa. Leaning against the armrest near Hange and Mikasa. Erwin is sitting in the couch to his left with Connie and Mina. Armin had come to see him before going to sit in a sofa facing him, with Eren and Nifa. Eren is breading Nifa's ginger hair while she’s chirping and smiling as he looks after her.

Mike and Nile, the second pair of hunters are telling their adventure of the day. They had seen one or two zombies from far away. Nile embarked on a deliberately exaggerated and comical imitation to make the children laugh. Levi laughs too.

Ellie, Tomas's daughter, asks her father to tell them stories of when he was at school. Tomas, Kenny's all-time sidekick, clears his throat to maintain his serious attitude. He seems serious with his white hair cut short military style and his impassive looks. Yet Levi considers him one of the softest people he had ever known. It may be because he was the one who had always read bedtime stories to Levi when he was a kid. Kenny had never done it. Levi could not see Tomas otherwise than as the man who reads stories to him before sleeping when he had nightmares. Tomas was young when the epidemic broke out. He had known the world before when he was a child. He talks about it sometimes. Especially when the children ask him to.

Tomas gathers them around and he starts telling them about his primary schoolmistress and the bad grades he had. He describes to them the revolutionary computer tools they used, integrated into the offices. His words are the only proof of a bygone era that the apocalypse children will never know.

Somewhere in the middle of Tomas's tale, Levi's eyes fall on Eren. He seems fascinated. Had they already told him about this in the City? Had they ever heard of the past inside the walls?

Levi had intentionally avoided looking at Eren in recent weeks. Generally, he managed not to cross him because, strangely enough, he did not want to have arguments. Especially not tonight. Friday night is the meeting that everyone attends. No bickering, no insults.

Since Levi and Eren had decided to "coexist peacefully", Levi no longer had to check that Eren was not around before entering a room. He knows that Eren is not going to run away or spit on him. It is more relaxing this way than being constantly on guard in his home.

It is the first time in three months that Levi had seen Eren at these meetings. Eren never attended the meetings, Levi wonders if it’s Armin who convinced him to join. and maybe because he is avoiding him like the plague.

Looking at him right now in his big woolen sweater, Eren seems captivated. He’s resting his head on sweater pawed palms, his elbows resting on his knees, leaning a little forward. His green eyes fixed on Tomas. He smiles when Tomas says something amusing; he frowns at the darker anecdotes, looks down at the saddest stories. It’s like his face is an open book, but Levi is more used to reading negative emotions, disgust, anger, than positive ones.

It’s when Eren looks up almost as if he felt eyes on him that he catches Levi staring at him. He raises his eyebrows and Levi looks away feeling his face heat up thinking how soft he looks right now.

Levi is busy staring angrily at his knees, troubled by his thoughts, when he hears Anna’s voice:

“Yes, Eren?”

He had raised his hand, as Tomas said they did when they were at school. People go quiet to listen to him. Everyone always gets silent to listen to what he’s saying, it’s impressive. Levi envies him a little.

“No one ever talks about the spread of the epidemic in the City. It's taboo. No history book tells it, no teacher ever teaches about it. We only know... what we have.” Eren fumbles with the knee tear in his skinny black jeans. “The governor says that we need to focus on the future, not the past. The policy is that we do not really know what happened forty years ago. Could—could anyone tell me about that too?”

A silence reigns over the room. Eren looks uncomfortable and Armin rubs at his arm comfortingly. Kenny finally clears his throat.

“We do not talk much about it between us. It's not taboo or forbidden to talk about, just ... painful.”

"I think he has the right to know," Anna says. “It's his story too. This is everyone’s story. Those who do not want to hear it can leave. But the children must go to sleep.” Her voice is soothing and her eyes are soft as she looks around her. Levi loves her so much she has always been there for him and just like Kuchel, she is a mother figure to him.

Nile takes Marcel in his arms, Tomas leads his daughter Ellie and Hitch’s son outside. They leave the room in silence. Levi watches Eren trying to convince Nifa to go to bed, but she keeps insisting that she already knows this story. No one else stands up. Anna nods.

“Good.” She folded her hands on her lap, softly. Her herbal cup of tea is set beside her on the table, steaming.

“In 2019 cold war started between North Korea and Russia as each threatened to use nuclear bombs against the other. The tension between World Leaders at the time was so high. Their greed to control the world lead to World War three.” Levi already knows the story but he still listens leaning comfortably against Hange.

“The War ended in 2022. Countries that took part during the war were taking time to rebuild themselves. Us, Eldians we were safe. Our government didn’t participate during the War and remained aside. We didn’t suffer from any losses or damages due to the fact that Paradis is a separate Island.” She reaches for her cup of tea and blows at it “The Epidemic started two year later. I still remember it like it was yesterday. It was on January 15th, 2024.”

She brings the cup to her lips and takes a sip.

_Anna put her cup of water on the table; January 15 th was a normal day like any other... She had took her two children to school. Her husband, who worked at night, was still sleeping when she left. When she arrived at the office, everything was as usual. At noon, she joined her colleagues in the cafeteria. Everyone was having lunch their voices covering the TV which was set on news channel in the background. Her colleagues told her about the circulating rumors that a disease would have occurred in Russia. _

_Since the country had completely fallen into dictatorship, communications was cut off from the rest of the world. Very powerful jammers and satellites prevented access to the Internet. The Russians could no longer be reached by phone or internet. They had replaced their borders with gigantic walls and were cut off from the world. Some said it was an effect of the war with North Korea. Russia_ _withdrew itself from the rest of the world to rebuild itself after the nuclear attack on Moscow in 2021. Others said Russia was planning an attack. Anna didn’t really pay attention to those rumors being away from war made it surreal to her that things were really bad outside of Paradis. However it was on 15th of January that they finally heard news from the Russians._

Levi feel the atmosphere change around him. For those who had witnessed it, it was hard to relive it. And Levi could feel it in the way some look away or wrap their arms around themselves.

_Anna was eating her pudding when the newsflash was on TV. “Unidentified disease hits the Russian population.” She would have missed the news if she wasn’t sitting opposite the TV. It appears that some people in the cafeteria have seen it._

_“Wait, What?” Someone exclaimed near her._

_The presenter continued that according to their sources human-like creatures appeared in Eastern Europe countries. Ukraine. Baltic countries. Belarus. Anna can see the presenter hesitate as she read the news. Her eyes darted to the side of the camera, shoulders tense and serious expression on her face. Everyone around the cafeteria quiets down. There were silent gasps and quiet murmurs that were muted as one of her colleges reached for the remote control and turned the volume up._ _Everyone’s attention was drawn to the TV. Anna’s spoon was held midway as she stared open mouthed at the screen. “What the hell is going on.” She thought._

_The presenter finally announced that witnesses had described these creatures as "zombies". They were attacking humans._

Anna takes a deep breath. She looks around her and then gazes back at Eren’s wide eyes.

_After the report was over everyone started talking at once, asking questions that nobody had answers to. Everyone knew what zombies are, they made movies and books about it but no one ever thought that could happen. Some said it could only be a joke. Some were crying. Some panicked. Some tried to reassure others that they lived on an island. If this information were to be confirmed, then it would be enough to cut any link with outside world and then they’ll be fine. Their bosses sent them home that day. on the streets, everyone spoke of that. It seemed a little surreal to her. There were no zombies roaming around in front of her, so she did not feel like it was real. It was so ... unthinkable._

_She picked up her children from school and went home. Her husband was already awake and sprawled on the couch. At night after dinner the children went to sleep. Her husband joins her after reading them a bed time story and they turn on the TV. The Prime Minister was going to make an announcement._

Anna pauses for a few seconds, as if she can see the Prime Minister's hologram in her living room.

_The Prime Minister confirmed what was happening in Eastern Europe. He called them "the contaminated". What really happened was that the Russians were doing tests in their Labs. They tried to make molecules that would keep tissues alive even after brain death to allow longer preservation of organs that can be transplanted._

_Anna didn’t believe that was the reason. She thought that the Russians were trying to make it as sort of a weapon._

_There was an explosion in the lab that lead infected animals to escape and caused the epidemic. The molecules seemed to have muted which made these animals aggressive and the effect of the Virus stayed longer than Its limit time._

_Anna was angry with all these crazy scientists and their crazy experiments. If it weren’t for them the planet would have always been what it was before, a clean healthy environment, and they would not be in this terrible condition today._

_The prime minister said that measures were being put in place and that Paradis had nothing to fear. Until further notice, all connections with other continents were broken. They even closed the borders._

Anna sighs and runs a hand over her wrinkled face. She shakes her head with a bittersweet smile tugging at her lips.

_The problem is that European Leaders, Governments and the international community as a whole did not know how to react to this phenomenon. It was a virus after all, they did not know if sending the soldiers to fight them would come back to expose and transform them too. Some Western European states, such as Germany, Italy, France, Belgium, Spain, have begun to reinforce their borders hastily. Sometimes it was just pieces of wood piled there by the locals. Anna could see their panic on TV, She could see the haste to try to prepare something on these thousands of kilometers of borders. And She only started worrying when her husband did._

The HQ is completely silent. Levi had rarely experienced such calm in this room on a Friday night.

_The leaders were unable to agree. They were unable to unite. The governments were paralyzed. Everyone was waiting in their corner for the damage to happen and they tried to be ready to react if they attacked their country. The old alliances were no longer effective. European military alliances and vestiges of NATO? No longer existed. They were supposed to serve in case of a military attack, with tanks and weapons, not in case of zombie attacks. It was an attack of a new kind, of which they knew nothing. Some states have tried to unite. France, Germany, Belgium and Spain have tried to support each other by creating a large army made up of the various armed forces of these countries. Anna watched the news every day on TV. She read the newspapers. She tried to be as informed as possible. Her husband started working later. She could sense his anxiety through his constant frown and tense shoulders. After all he worked for the Paradis government. He keeps saying that there’s no need for her to freak out but she knows he’s just trying to reassure her._

The alliances worked at the beginning. It worked well. They had managed to contain the bulk of the invasion at their borders _. The problem was that the more the invasion progressed the more zombies there were, which also meant that there was fewer people to feed on. So they had to keep moving to find food which made it more difficult to contain them._

_The Alliances countries had managed to keep the bulk of the invasion at the borders, but it wasn’t as effective as they thought. Just a zombie sneaking in, Just a soldier who is a little too much above the border, or maybe the virus was still there and the proximity of the zombies caused the transmission of the virus to the soldiers on the other side of the fences. But something caused their plans to fail. There were reports of contamination._

_It was a soldier first, French side. Then another. And another. And yet another. They were shot one by one, but that was not enough. They were too numerous. Soon, the civilians were attacked by those who had sworn to protect them. Anna could see the pictures on TV. She had witnessed capitals fall one after the other. Berlin. Vienna. Paris. Rome. Madrid. Every day brought a lot of bad news. The collapsing governments, a new city invaded, a leader killed._

Levi felt Hange shudder near him.

_Paradis had been spared. Because it was an island. Eldians thought they were saved. Some blamed the cowardice of the government for doing nothing, others blessed them for not putting their lives at risk and for being able to protect them. But Paradis seemed like a new heaven for all Europeans. Desperate, people embarked in boats from the French, Dutch or Belgian sides hoping that they would be welcomed._

Anna lets out a humorless laugh. _Poor people_ , she thinks.

_Her husband had a secret-defense accreditation. He told her that all those who arrived on the coast were systematically killed. That’s when things started getting messy. They could not take the risk of the virus spreading in Paradis. Those who got in were put in camps and killed. It didn’t matter if they were kids. Their bodies were burned. To save Eldians, others were sacrificed._

Levi feels goosebumps covering his skin. He grits his teeth as he looks up at Anna’s dark expression. This part of the story makes him as angry as he is sad. In wishing to save what was left of the human race, humanity had been sacrificed. All solidarity, all humanity, all compassion had disappeared. It was only a question of survival.

_The political party in power at that time spoke of "radical solutions for a radical situation". But obviously, that could not work indefinitely. It's enough if a person has been infected with the virus in one camp before and they bite two or three of the people around him, bite or kill others, and you're in a zombie-filled camp. That's what happened. The invasion spread from there. From that moment ... No more Eldian was ever safe. No more human in this planet was._

Anna closes her eyes before continuing in a painful tone.

_Everyone was suspicious of their neighbors. Of their friends. Of their family. Anna took her two children and joined a cousin who lived further south in Klorba. Her husband would not listen to her when she begged him to come with her. He insisted that he worked for the government; he had to do his duty. She never saw him again after that day. He had heard that they were building fortifications around the capital._

_Everyone knew they would no longer be safe in the North. Everything would soon be invaded. They would not be safe anywhere, even in Marley. So they went down south, joining a clan of survivors on the way. Until they reached Utopia district. They had already established a perimeter with armed men and walls were beginning to rise. With her two children by her side Anna marched with her clan and stood before the gigantic walls._

_No one could enter. they shouted at them to leave, pointing their guns. the rain above them washed over their dirty clothes and their tear stained faces. Everything around her was so loud. the screams around her, her kids crying, gunshots aimed inches from them. Warnings over warnings for them to step away and leave or they’d all be dead. She felt powerless and scared. How can she protect herself and her children?_

_A guard came outside to talk to them. He informed them that they could no longer enter. He said that Inside, each of the civilians were subjected to scientific tests to see if they had been exposed to the virus. Those with symptoms were quarantined and eventually killed and burned. But, those who were outside when the measure was taken, we were not allowed to enter. They had calculated the precise number of people who could stay in the Enclosure without all of them dying for lack of resources and space, and the quota had already been decided. Anna has never felt more scared in her life when he told her that they arrived too late. They left and tried to look for other shelters. She had lost her husband. She only took her eyes off her children for few minutes, just to go and bring wood for lighting fire. It’s what it took for her to lose them forever._

_There was no more government. Only a group of people who wanted to save their skin. Other cities have tried to do the same. Some succeeded, especially in the north of the country, but the system collapsed from the inside because the inhabitants did not support the restrictions. For others, it did not work. Contaminated people were already in the compound and decimated the population of the interior. The only real city that has survived, thanks to the equipment, the doctors, the right engineers, is Utopia. The city. The capital._

Anna looks up, with tears in her eyes, into Eren's. Eren is frozen in his seat, open mouthed and wide eyed.

“That's the story of the City where you grew up, Eren.”


	7. Let Me Get To Know You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw I’m using my own headcanon for All the characters/places/backstories/Origins/Family in this story

Levi can’t sleep. He has been turning and tossing in his bed for hours. Every time he closes his eyes, images of people dying and burning form behind his eyelids. Hearing the story of the Epidemic again wasn’t a good idea. Not when he’s alone with his thoughts. Thinking about abandonment. His parents and Furlan…

Levi sighs for the hundredth time and staring at the ceiling. Erwin is sleeping soundly next to him. Legs tangled together between the cheats. Erwin’s arm is draped over his chest, heat radiating from his body next to Levi’s. The only sound in their silent room is Erwin’s snoring. It irritates him even more when he glances at him. Why can’t he sleep this soundly?

He lays still for few silent minutes then extracts himself from Erwin’s body slowly. Erwin mumbles in his sleep and stirs a little. Levi freezes in his tracks until Erwin turns on his stomach and sighs, falling back to sleep. He gets up from the bed, puts on his grey sweatpants and black T-Shirt and grabs his flashlight before leaving the room quietly. Flashlight in hand, he walks to HQ.

He hears faint music playing, Piano notes filling the eerie silence of the hallways. Levi frowns, no one is normally awake this late at night. The lights in the headquarters are off when he emerges through the door. Levi makes his way between the sofas and the tables. No one seems to be around. Did they forget the vinyl playing?

He’s almost by the record player when he feels a presence on his right.

His skin prickles and the hairs at nape of his neck rises at the feeling of someone near him in the darkness. His instincts take over. It’s almost uncontrollable. He doesn’t even shine the flashlight to whoever it is that’s with him. He just jumps at them. In a few seconds, the other is flat on the ground.

“What the—”

Arms twisted behind their back.

“Let go of me!”

Levi flinches as he’s elbowed on the side. He recognizes Eren’s deep voice and releases him immediately. He gets up and shines his flashlight, which had rolled a little further, on Eren's face. His green eyes glow in the darkness. He squints blinded by the lights on his face.

“Shit, What were you doing here in the dark? I could have broken your neck!”

Eren frowns at him from the floor then scowls rubbing at his arm.

“I thought we were safe here. Why would you need to attack anyone?”

Suddenly, Levi remembers where he is. In the base. In security. No contaminated. Sheepish, he shrugs.

“Instinct has taken over. Outside, you react fast or you die.”

Eren ignores Levi’s outstretched hands and gets up on his own. He slumps over the couch behind him.

“Bravo, you’re fast. I have no left arm.”

He didn’t scream in disgust when Levi touched him. When Levi had attacked him rather but he still wouldn’t touch him voluntarily. Both were making progress on their peaceful cohabitation project.

“What are you doing here anyway?”

Eren's features darken.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

Levi lays down on another sofa a little further.

“Me neither. I guess you couldn’t imagine that your perfect City was the result of such a bloody past? Did you think that your leaders were heroes who had saved Eldians from death? You probably did not see the negative sides. People left at the door to die. Children.”

Levi knows that Eren had no part in this but he still feels angry with him for glorifying the City. A place that burned people alive and refused to help those in need. 

“It's not my city. I was banished, Levi. I do not belong to that City anymore. And I find it far from perfect.”

Levi sneers. _Yeah … right!_

“Then why do you spend your time saying that it's great there?”

Eren lets out a long sigh.

“That’s not what I said. You’re always taking my words out of context. It’s crazy!” Eren chuckles. “I never said that life there was perfect. Life in the city has its advantages as well as its disadvantages. I just tell people how it is there, that's all. I was just answering people’s questions, telling them facts. You see it as something that I idealized. And that sounds like a ‘you’ problem.”

Levi is silent for several minutes. He had turned off his torch. They are in complete darkness, the piano notes resounding in the background. It’s almost as if they’re only able to communicate in the dark.

“When you speak, I have the impression that life in the City is wonderful. That's what bothers me.” Levi flexes his arms and crosses them behind his head. “I envy the life you had there. Sheltered in walls. You can walk the streets without weapons, without having to worry about anything other than pickpockets. To be able to have friends and a family without being afraid that they will be devoured every day. You know, have a future.”

Levi longs for that feeling of security, where everyone is safe. 

“Living in the City is also... living in the constant fear of doing the wrong thing.”  Eren says after a while. “The laws are very strict. We are rationed, in terms of food and water. We have a quota of food and supplies per person, which we collect daily or monthly. We are not entitled to more, except if we go to the black market. They were talking about instituting the one-child policy when I left. Because we are too numerous. Reserves and productions are barely enough to feed the entire population. You can’t love who you want. We operate according to different social classes. As you know, we obviously can’t love ... someone of the same sex. There is no ... future. We're locked up, Levi. I always wanted to see what was behind the walls. I learned it at my expense.”

Levi doesn’t dare move or say a word. He didn’t expect to hear this. He had such a different idea of the City.

“We don’t have dreams. We can just hope to gain a certain social rank, to have more beautiful clothes, newer clothes, to eat better food than others, because that's what it's all about. Not in quantity, but in quality. My parents were part of the elite, I was lucky. I ate good food. Not a lot, but it was good.”

He lets out a humorless laugh. Levi can almost feel his bitterness through it.

“That's our future, in the City. Hope to have a good job. Have a wife. Children. Must be at least one child, two maximum at this time, but not three. Especially not three. There are blatant inequalities. Some do not have enough to buy food. One of my professors, who transgressed a little of the taboos by telling us about the past, said that we were still functioning as if we were at war. Apparently, during World War II, some operated by a ticket system. We are the same, except that it works with chips implanted under our skin, which contains all our needs.”

Levi hears rustling from Eren’s side as Eren lays properly in his sofa.

“We are given what we need to eat so as not to die. As I said, the difference in social class is felt above all in the quality of life: better quality clothes, better food, more comfort ... Those born in the lower classes have very little chance to have a good job and to change social conditions. Hange told me her story. She’s an exception. She was lucky enough to be noticed by one of her teachers, who took her under his wing, that's why she had the chance to become a doctor. It almost never happens. In the lower classes, they think we live well in the elite. But we do not necessarily live well. We’re just blinded by false pretenses, rules of decorum and old customs that only remind us of a life that we no longer have. In the lower classes, they may not always have good food quality, but they _live_. They decorate their homes as they wish, they love who they want, they talk as they want, they do what they want as long as they respect the law. I did not have that. I did not live. I just followed the rules.”

He’s silent for a long moment. Levi had never heard that side of the story. Hange came from the lower classes; she thought everything was better in the Uppercases. Obviously, that was not the case. 

“You know what's missing in the city, Levi? _Hope_. Because we know we'll never get out of there.”

Once again, he chuckles darkly.

“Well, unless like me you are sentenced to banishment. But since you are given no weapon or survival guide, it’s not exactly my idea of exploring the world and finding hope.”

Levi had never seen it that way. Of course, he is locked up in this base, but he can go out whenever he wants. Kenny would ground him and pull at his ears if he doesn’t ask for permission, but he can go out. He is _free_. If he wants to, he could go on an adventure roaming around the whole country. Well, for that it would have been that he does not really fear falling on a zombie, but it is a possibility.

While the city, according to Eren's words, is like a prison.

“I know that when I arrived here, you thought I was a spoiled brat who had no limit and who had always had all he wanted at his disposal, since I used to pull a face in front of some of your habits. I did not want to ... show myself as rude or ungrateful. Only, I had thought that I had definitely left behind the rationing systems. I had forgotten that we were surviving here too, even more outside. I had a hard time accepting to fall into these rules again, and then I realized it is different here.”

Eren continues through the silence. Levi said nothing, Eren didn’t expect him to.

“You’re close to each other. You help one another. Like when you and Mikasa gave me some of your shower time when I arrived, or when Mama gave me more food because she thought I needed to be healthy. I understood that no one gets punished for breaking rationing rules. These are rules that everyone respects without the need of constraints. In the City, if you break the rules of rationing, you are found guilty of treason. According to your crime, you can be whipped in public, to lead an example. You can be killed, if it's too serious to be forgiven. Or you can be banned. It's different here.”

Eren takes a deep breath. Levi hears only the piano notes, his voice and his steady breathing in the complete darkness.

“So maybe you have to be careful when you go out and you can’t see the sun every day, Levi, but you have something here that the inhabitants of the City will never have. Freedom. You have the choice to go out or not, you have the choice to leave or not. You are equal here. No privileges. No discrimination. You do not even operate on a monetary system. Your little world is much more just than the City will ever be. So no, there is nothing to envy about life in the City. We are just more or less happy to be there because we think it's worse outside. We are told there were no survivors, no humans. Imagine my surprise when Mikasa, Erwin and you found me after spending two months alone outside. I was sure I was alone in the world.”

Silence settles in the room following his words. Levi feels like he is discovering a large part of the world he did not know. Hange spoke very little about her life in the City. Eren tonight seems more loquacious.

Tonight, Levi is learning more about Eren's life and, for the first time, he begins to understand him.

“You're not alone anymore,” Levi whispers in spite of himself. “Here, it's your home too.”

**

The feeling of something probing his cheek awakens Levi the next morning. It was Marcel, Nile's son. He’s chewing on something and staring at Levi with his wide sparkly blue eyes, cocking his head to the side.

“What are you doing here?” 

Levi blinks at him, sits up and looks around. Ilse is sitting in the chair next to him, legs crossed, watching him with a soft smile. Her belly is already well rounded. Levi smiles at her. 

“I kinda fell asleep here, kiddo.” Levi ruffles Marcel’s brown locks.

"We’ve noticed," Ilse says smirking at him.

Levi rubs at his eyes, stifling a yawn.

“Are you okay?” He points to her belly. 

Ilse places a hand against her stomach and rubs lightly.

“The baby is fine. He’s growing. I'm sure it will be a boy.” 

She is so strong. She had lost everything when Furlan died, yet she’s still fighting. The child had become what she’s fighting for, what she lives for. Levi admires her strength. 

“Do you have any name ideas?”

“Not yet. I'm thinking about it.”

She pushes her black hair away from her face and tucks loos strands behind her ear. She bites her lip for a second appearing nervous suddenly. Levi frowns when she glances away then looks up at him. 

“Would you like to be his godfather, Levi?” She finally says.

Levi is silent for a long moment. His throat tightens suddenly. Today, everyone's life is threatened that when you take the risk of having children, you had to make sure that they would not be alone if something happened to the parents. Godparents served for this purpose. Asking Levi to be the godfather of the child meant that Levi would have to take care of the child if something happened to Ilse.

“Ilse ... you— you know I do not have the longest life expectancy here. I'm always out, always in danger, if something happens to me, I don’t…I can’t—”

 Ilse leans forward and grabs Levi' hands in hers.

“Levi, I believe in you. I have never met anyone who had a survival instinct as strong as yours. You are a survivor. There is no person more capable than you. You have the ability to get out of any horrible situation. I know it. Furlan trusted you. You were like his brother. He would have wanted it if he was still here.”

Levi's eyes sting as they blur with tears. He will _not_ cry. He grits his teeth to stop himself from making a sound. He nods at her taking in a shaky breath. Ilse presses her lips at the back of Levi' hand before getting up to peck him on the cheek. 

“Thank you, Levi.” She whispers thickly before moving away.

“What is a godfather?” Marcel looks up at him with a puzzled look. “Are you god’s father? Does that mean you’ll go to the sky?” Marcel’s eyes widen adorably at his own thoughts.

Before Levi has time to reply, Marcel climbs up in his lap and hugs him.

“I don’t want you to go anywhere.” He says pouting.

“I’m not going anywhere buddy.” Levi says voice thick with emotions. He tightens his hold on Marcel and smiles at him softly, kissing the top of his head. “I’m not going anywhere.”

**

“So… I spoke with Eren last night.”

Petra drops her crayon and looks up at him. Levi rolls his eyes at her dramatic reaction.

“You— Wow. I did not expect that. So are you able to act as adults now?”

“Obviously. You can be proud of me, I'm growing up.”

Petra laughs, drawing Ellie’s attention, who was drawing next to her. Levi is sitting with Petra in the middle of the kids' corner, between the little cars and the dolls, Ellie and Marcel sitting next to them. Petra always babysits when the kids want to play while their parents were busy with something else. Levi joins her sometimes.

“I am proud of you. Neither of you is a bad person, so it's kind of nice to know you're not going to plant a knife in his eye when you cross each other.”

Levi looks down at the Lego castle that he had built. He always has this mania of doing something with his hands. He can’t stay still.

“I admit that I may have a little misjudged him.”

“Hmm… Just a little?”

“Yes, just a little.” Levi glares at her. “Let me remind you that he _, too_ , attacked me for nothing. Obviously I’m going to defend myself.” 

Petra shoves at his shoulder gently.

“We will stop stirring up the past.” She smiles at him with her pearly white teeth. “And with Erwin, how is it?”

“What about Erwin?” Levi asks drily.

“Eren and Erwin… is it better between them?” Petra looks at him puzzled by his reaction.

Levi exhales, relieved. He is tired of hearing about Erwin's so-called feelings. 

“Oh! Uh….No. Erwin is—” Levi fumbles with his words. “He hates Eren. He doesn’t want to hear reason, he doesn’t want to get to know him either, and he doesn’t want to make any efforts.”

“He will change his mind. Like you.”

Levi scoffs.

“It's Erwin. Erwin does not change his mind. Which is fine really we don’t get along with everyone in here. I can handle him.” He waves his hand dismissively.

**

“Mina is being weird.”

Slumped on the bed, Levi turns to Armin, standing in front of his workbench. After several weeks of avoiding places because of Eren, he had returned to his favorite pre-dinner spot: on Armin's bed watching him work. The blond had missed him. Since Eren and Levi are supposed to get along better, they should be able to stay in Armin's room both without killing each other. 

“How weird are we talking?”

Mina is a bitch. She’s Connie's best friend. Another specialist in gossip and hypocrisy. Levi had several words with her about Armin before. When Armin was fourteen years old, with acne and crooked teeth, Mina had not been very friendly to him. Levi had cut small strands of her hair once as a revenge on some particularly nasty things she had said to Armin's face.

“She's being… nice? I don’t know.”

Levi burst out laughing at Armin’s perplexed expression. Indeed, it is unusual for Mina.

“She smiles at me when we meet in the corridors. She actually held the door for me two days ago. She calls me by my first name and not ‘damn nerd’.”

Levi laughs even more.

“yeah, it doesn’t sound like her. She must have realized that you’re a hot shot and she’s trying to seduce you. She tries with all the cute guys, you should feel flattered.”

Armin chuckles. He still has grease everywhere when he turns to Levi. He looks like a child who had been in his father's garage.

“By the way, I wanted to say thank you for your efforts with Eren. I know it's not easy for you.”

Armin always goes from one subject to another completely different subject without any difficulty. Levi used to get headaches from trying to keep up with him.

“It's rather me who should thank you, actually. He told me what you did for us. He explained to me that from the beginning, you were trying to "humanize" us to him. And that’s actually adorable from you my little pumpkin.”

Armin shrugs and rubs his forehead with his forearm, stroking his temple with engine grease. He blushes slightly and looks away.

“It was not difficult to find funny or endearing anecdotes about you. It helped him to see Mikasa and Hange in a better light, especially since they were nice to him. As for your case, It was a bit more complicated since you spent your time bothering him.”

“I have a persona to maintain.” Levi smirks at him.

Armin rolls his eyes and throws a dirty rag in his face to flatter his "Persona".             

**

Levi awakes startled in the middle of the night. He had heard some noise in front of his door. Steps in the hallway. Very light steps but sufficient to wake him, he who had learned to be constantly alert.

He remains a few minutes laying in the dark but is unable to go back to sleep. Body sweaty from the heat. He ends up getting up. In T-shirt and Boxer Briefs, he comes out of the room in silence. Like the last time, music came from HQ. [Chopin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHccd-7WJK0), this time. It’s been few days after Levi and Eren's first couch night meeting for him to know that It’s Eren.

“You really have a weird thing with classical music.”

He hears Eren’s laugh coming from his favorite sofa a little further.

“I find it soothing.”

“I bet you danced ballet on it in the City and it reminds you of home.”

“What’s ballet?”

“It’s an ancient type of performance dance.”

“Oh! I’ve never heard of that.” Eren hesitates before adding. “Also the city is not my home. This is my home now.”

His voice is nostalgic. Levi frowns before crossing the headquarters to join his usual couch, not far from Eren.

“Do you come here often at night?”

Eren lets a moment pass before answering.

“I have insomnia. Nightmares actually… If I go back to sleep immediately, I dive back into them. So almost every night, I leave my room after nightmares. I come here, I listen to music, and I leave. Nightmares vanish with music.”

“Do you dream of ... weeks spent outside the Enclosure, before the base?”

“Among other things.”

He does not seem to want to dwell on the subject. Levi could understand that. Even in the dark, no one likes to dwell on their weaknesses.

“How did you do?” Levi asks instead. “Alone outside for two months.”

Eren takes a deep breath.

“My sister once told me ... that I was a fighter. A survivor. So I fought for her. When I was kicked out, I looked for shelters. I was traveling by day, always changing places. I was running out of food, which was a problem. I began to feel weak by then. When the zombies attacked me, the day you found me, I was no longer able to run. I hid, hearing them scratch, I waited for them to come find me….” Levi hears his voice trembles. “For the first time, I gave up.”

Levi shudders. He has a bad temper and he sometimes has a hard time supporting others, but he could not imagine living outside, in an environment that, unlike Eren, he was familiar with.

“I never thanked you.” Eren says after a while “I thanked Mikasa, but not you. Must say that I was not going to sway my thanks in the middle of the corridor between two insults so ...”

“Hey, we said we’ll draw a line on the Pre-cohabitation era.” Levi jokes.

“Really? Did we agree on that?”

Levi hesitates.

“Isn’t that the whole purpose of coexisting peacefully? To make a kind of ... truce?”

“Okay. Sorry, I just did not know which way to act with you. We can never know how to act with you, you can seem to be in a good mood and suddenly have a look that would kill everyone if your eyes were machine guns.”

Levi laughs softly. He’s already heard that. Hange says he’s "unstable".

“So, I wanted to say thank you. Armin told me what you did for me the day you found me. He told me that you risked your life by drawing the zombies' attention and jumping out of a window. You, not Erwin or Mikasa.”

“If I had known you would be so annoying, I would have left you in your box.”

Two weeks ago, he would have said it in an insulting tone and Eren would have reacted badly in return. It seems that things are really improving. Since Eren lets out a muffled sound that’s almost like a chuckle.

“I guess life would have been easier for you.”

“That's for sure.”

Levi hesitates before adding gently:

“But more boring too.”

**

The third night, Levi did not even bother to announce himself. He joins his couch without a word, laying on his back and staring at the ceiling.

“And you, why are you here?” Eren asks.

Levi is unable to answer this question. He doesn’t know.

“I sleep badly these days.”

He could have stayed in his room. He could have stayed in bed to stare the ceiling and not join Eren who he hated months ago. Yet here he is.

Maybe he doesn’t want Eren to see him as someone abnormal. Maybe he wants Eren to see who he really is before judging whether he likes him or not.

But _that,_ he does not tell him. Definitely not.

“The other night, you told me that I had a weird thing with classical music.”

Levi lets out a snort. A very glamorous noise, which sounds like a pig noise. Eren doesn’t laugh, but Levi hears the smile in his voice as he continues.

“It's because we don’t have that in the City. Everything from before the apocalypse is prohibited. All books, movies, music, everything. We have no right to access anything from that era. The only books we have are the books that are written after the spread of the virus, within the City. The authorities are controlling them not to say too much, not to inspire too much passion to people. All that is controlled by Authorities is meaningless to me. These are police stories, documentaries, writings that tell the story of life in the City. Nothing that could instill people's desire for freedom. But we can’t prevent people from expressing themselves, right? Some defy the rules and write beautiful texts on freedom. They are called rebels, because they do not agree with the system. There is even a rebel organization, the largest, which bears the name "Liberty" They do propaganda too, to put people on their side. They send us flyers in the street; they tag the walls with messages of hope. The messages have touched me more than once.”

Levi did not expect that. It is as if the leaders of the City had sought to erase all traces of the past. Although Levi had never been much of reader, some works had marked him. Some music had made him fee alive. He can’t imagine himself in a world where art would be reduced to works authorized after the spread of the virus.

“Kenny brought me lots of history books and I read so many inspiring writings about freedom. You should read the writings of the Resistance during the Second World War,” Levi says suddenly. “They have always made me emotional. Actually—” Levi stands up from the couch. “One second I’ll read you my favorite.”

He walks silently through the room to one of the many shelves of books that ran through the walls. He had read this book so many times that he knows exactly where it is. With his flashlight tucked in his mouth to light the book, He opens it on the page he had horned himself years earlier and went back to sitting down. He begins to read aloud, so that Eren could listen.

“ _The one who believed in heaven_

_The one who didn’t_

_Both loved the beauty_

_Imprisoned by soldiers_

_Who climbed the ladder_

_And who stood guard below_

_The one who believed in heaven_

_The one who didn’t_

_Both were faithful_

_with their lips, hearts, arms_

_And both said that she_

_will live, time will tell_

_The one who believed in heaven_

_The one who didn’t_

_When the wheat is under the hail_

_Fool who is fussy_

_Fool who think of his little quarrels_

_In the heart of the common combat_

_The one who believed in heaven_

_A rebel is a rebel_

_Two sobs make a single knell_

_And when the cruel dawn arrives_

_They pass on_

_The one who believed in heaven_

_The one who didn’t_

_Repeating the name of the beauty_

_Neither of the two betrayed_

_And their red blood flows_

_Same color same burst_

_He who believed in heaven_

_He who did didn’t_

_It runs, and runs, and mingles_

_Into the earth it loved_

_So in the new season_

_Muscat grapes would ripen_

_The one who believed in heaven_

_The one who didn’t_

_One runs and the other flies_

_From Brittany or Jura_

_And raspberries or plums_

_Crickets will sing again_

_Flute or cello, tell the story of_

_This double love that burnt_

_The lark and the swallow_

_The rose and the Reseda_ ”

He takes a deep breath when it’s over and he suddenly feels empty. He never understood why this poem touched him so intensely.

“It's by Louis Aragon. The rose and the Reseda. He wrote this as part of the resistance during war.”

“The beauty of their fight.” Eren says, dreamily. “The strength of their souls. Their unity. Their sacrifice. The injustice of knowing that they were killed to defend their homeland, their ideals, freedom. Two very different people who unite for their convictions, their fight. I understand why this touches you. It’s very beautiful.”

Levi nods, his throat a little knotted. He had never spoken of his attachment to this poem for anyone before.

"I didn’t think you'd be into poetry." Eren finally whispers.

“There are many things you do not know about me. I'm not always the one I seem to be.” Levi shrugs putting the book back in its place.

“Yeah… I’m starting to notice.”

**

When Levi wakes up in the middle of the night, he could have turned around and gone back to sleep. Instead, he'd rather go to HQ every time. He doesn’t know what drives him to go there. It’s like he stops thinking and just follows his desires and. Against all odds, he wants to listen to Eren tell him about the City and he wants to talk to Eren about life here and about the history of mankind considering the latter has limited knowledge to the past because of Patriarch policy in the City. Well, they still could barely stand each other most of the time, but they cohabit rather successfully. They even learn from each other and Levi thinks that it’s already a big step.

Levi is curious. Eren has stirred his curiosity because he seems ... different from what Levi had thought at first. This guy is a mystery. And Levi likes to solve mysteries.

“Do you know what I miss, when I was alone outside?” Eren drops suddenly one night. “The stars.”

He says with nostalgic tone.

“In the City, there was too much light, they were barely visible. Here, we are locked in the basement; we don’t see them at all. When I got banned, there was no light and I could see them perfectly. I was alone under the stars. It was the only beautiful thing that kept me going.”

Levi remains silent for several minutes before getting up abruptly.

“Come with me.”

“What? Where?”

“Shut up and follow me, _fuck,_ can’t you just not ask questions?” Levi scoffs moving between the sofas.

“You're really annoying. A little less asshole than before, but still annoying.” Eren groans mumbling under his breath.

“I didn’t ask for a new psychoanalysis. Now be quiet and follow me.”

Levi turns on his flashlight again waving it on Eren’s face. Eren blinks, blinded. Without waiting for more, Levi turns and crosses the headquarters to the west exit, Eren on his heels.

Levi first stops at his room. He enters in silence while Eren waits outside. He grabs his weapon from the bedside table.

“What are you doing?” Erwin mumbles, sleepily, rolling to his side.

“Nothing.”

“Where are you going?” Erwin blinks at him then closes his eyes.

“Go back to sleep.”

If Erwin learns that Levi is going out of the base alone with Eren, he would have a stroke.

In the corridor, Levi motions for Eren to follow him, while buckling his belt and putting his gun away. Nobody ever uses the corridors that Levi is about to take, because they lead to an unused vehicle exit. Levi doesn’t go to the end. He stops at the bottom of a ladder just before the passage was obstructed.

“This trapdoor gives in an old shed. I will go first. Leave me thirty seconds before joining me. If I scream, if I'm attacked, you close it and you leave me outside, understood? I'm going to turn off the light, are you able to climb in the dark?”

Eren’s brows furrow in worry. He lifts his head, looks at the ladder and nods slowly. Levi turns off his lamp and slips it into his back pocket. He climbs the bars to the top and lifts the trapdoor gently. He peers around the opening carefully before slipping outside. Nothing. The surroundings are deserted. Eren joined him after thirty seconds.

With the intention of guiding him, Levi grabs Eren's arm. He releases him as soon as he feels him tense. He forgot. He always forgets that he’s not allowed to touch him.

“Sorry.” He mumbles.

Against all odds, Eren takes a deep breath and grabs Levi by the elbow. Levi shudders. It was the first time Eren had touched him voluntarily. Through his clothes, he had not taken either his hand or his wrist, but there is still contact.

Levi guides him to a staircase a few meters to the right. He climbs the stairs silently, Eren behind him, his hand on his elbow. The staircase leads them to the roof. Levi begins to crawl a few feet before lying on his back, hands crossed under the head. Eren sits down next to him and looks up at the sky.

The night is clear. The sky is like a black canvas with stars that shine and illuminate the whole scene with a faint glow. There’s a light fresh breeze that compensates for the heat all day. Eren smiles. Levi watches him fascinated by the way his face softens, his lips stretch into a smile that reveal a dimple. He has dimples and Levi doesn’t know how he feels about that.

“My sister taught me to recognize the constellations. The Dragon, the Centaur, the Maiden. My sister was a soldier. One of the few women that surveyed the Walls.

Eren lets out a bitter laugh.

"You should have seen my father's face when she told him that she wanted to join the survey corps. It looked like he was dishonored. I was proud of her. But my parents disapproved. She did it anyway, stubborn as she is. She used to take me to the wall sometimes. In the towers. From there, I watched the outside. The ruins. The landscapes. I often wondered what was outside, while convincing myself that I would never find out. She took me there often at night. That’s where she taught me to discern the constellations.”

“The other day when Kenny punished us, while you were having a nightmare you spoke a different language did she teach you that as well?”

Eren looks at him confused for a few seconds before recalling.

“Oh! Yeah… That’s German. I’m half German but we’re not allowed to speak anything but English there. My sister didn’t approve. She said that we’re allowed to know more about our origins and something about cultural diversity. She liked to teach me other things than the basics we were taught at school. I don’t even know how she knew all that.”

Levi feels a surge of compassion towards him. His banishment had not only deprived him of the life he knew, but had also torn him away from everyone he loved.

“You must miss her.”

Eren’s smile fades and his face falls, Levi suddenly feels bad for causing that.

“She is dead.”

Levi flinches involuntarily at the cold tone.

“When?”

Eren tightens his arms around his knees. This posture reminds Levi of the position he had when he found him in his box. It seems like a posture he takes when he feels vulnerable and wants to protect himself.

“When I got banned.” Eren looks away.

“I don’t understand.” Levi says softly, confused.

“There's nothing to understand.” Eren murmurs to himself in silence.

He lays on his back near Levi, staring at the stars.

“I like to think that she sees me from up there.”

They lay silently for few more minutes.

“Can you like, say something German?” Levi asks hesitantly.

“Why?” He can hear the smile in Eren’s voice and it pulls out a smile of his own.

“I’ve never heard anyone speaking a different language before.”

“Was soll ich dir sagen?” Eren says after a brief moment.

Levi hums thoughtfully. Eren’s German voice sounds deeper somehow and smoother. His German rolls easily on his tongue. It’s pleasant. Levi likes it, but holds back on voicing his thoughts.

“What does that mean?”

“It means, ‘what do you want me to say’.”

“You’re so lame.” Levi rolls his eyes groaning.

Eren chuckles.

The wind blows gently, the trees swing. Levi shivers in his thin shirt. Goosebumps rising up his skin. He should have brought his jacket with him.

They lapse back into another silence that Eren breaks again minutes later.

“Thank you for taking me here. You didn’t have to.”

Levi shrugs even though Eren can’t see it.

“I come here often. Nobody knows about it. Kenny would lock me up for three months if he learned it.” He smiles mischievously at the thought. “I like the night outside. The Calm, the freshness, the immensity of the sky, the light of the stars. I like to think that, No matter what era we live in, we all shared the same sky. I like to think that before the epidemic, young people of our age were looking at the same sky, laying between friends in their backyard, or watching from their window dreaming of another world. Laying here makes me feel like we’re in a normal world. And I like to think that, despite all that has happened, despite of all the horror that we have been experiencing these last decades, the beauty remains.”

When Levi turns his head to glance at him, he realizes that Eren is staring at him. Their eyes meet for several seconds before Eren turns his gaze back to the stars.

“Maybe you're not that annoying after all.”

Levi shakes his head, laughing. “Jerk.”


	8. Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so remember that i said that i'll be posting every weekend? well it's not happening because I didn't think that schedule through. Uni life is hectic so i'll just update whenever the chapter is ready.  
> This one is shorter than usual chapters but you'll see why *evil laughter* !!  
> Thank you so much for the readers who leave me cute comments they make me so happy. Thank you for the ones who leave Kudos and for the ghost readers as well XD!  
> anyway until the next update!!  
> Please let me know what you think of the story so far.  
> *throws chapter at you*  
> Edit: apparently some of the things in the chapter were confusing so i tried to edit it! i hope it's clear now.

“Levi, I have nothing to read.”

Levi blinks his eyes open to see brown-skinned and hazel-eyed Anna staring at him. A white toothed smile tugging at her lips.

She settles in front of Levi in the couch in which he was sleeping in the middle of the HQ. She watches him intently waiting for his answer. Levi smiles with amusement. He knows where Anna’s coming from. She’s not like Kenny, who is reluctant to let them go outside. She understands Levi and his need for freedom, his need for fresh air. She had told him once that she would be out every day if she could. But her bad knees and back keep her from it.

“Did you hear me? I read all the books in the library.” She pouts at him.

Levi hums for a moment.

“I guess this is an incentive to fetch more for you.”

“Please?”

Levi beams at her.

It is one of the problems of living in such a small area and in a post-apocalyptic world. Not the major problem, obviously. The biggest being the walking corpses who likes to make humans their food, but it’s still a problem all the same. At the base, they already have a collection of CDs, books, games and vinyl. It’s always Levi they come to when they need more supplies. It must be believed that other members of the community knew that Levi loves to help others live in relative comfort. He did not want those who stay here to be bored. He could go out every day, but most of the others couldn’t. To be stuck here re-reading the same books and listening to the same music, is not Levi’s idea of a good life.

Whatever, at least they are alive.

“Last time you went to the local library. It’s only half an hour from here by car. There must be plenty of interesting books out there.”

Levi tilts his head to look at her. The library is still full of books indeed.  

Anna smiles fondly at him as she tucks a loose strand of her black hair. She likes him. Levi is a bit tyrannical, he’s sometimes dark and distant and others bright as the sun, but Anna loves him nonetheless. He’s filled the void she had from losing her family. To her Levi is a genuine person. In the base, many prefer to avoid conflict. Not raise their voices in a disagreement. Not participating in any meetings. They live in limited numbers, in a small space, so they all adapted to the way life has become and some prefer to be invisible and not create too much arguments. There is a protocol of “courtesy”. They even have a council meeting every Wednesday night, to settle potential problems that arise during the week. There was rarely any, so it ended up being a community gathering and a game night.

Levi had never agreed to stay quiet. He likes to talk loudly, so much so that it displeases some. Nobody voices their annoyance, courtesy obliges. But Levi is not fooled. Lynne’s snarky remarks and tone don’t go by him. But it’s okay there are too many people here we can’t get along with everyone and he already has his circle.

“I will go tomorrow with Mikasa. I just have to ask Kenny.”

“Already done !”

Anna winks at him before getting up, hand at the small of her back, wincing. 

“You’re a nice kid.” She says to Levi before moving away.

Levi smiles at the ceiling before closing his eyes again.

**

Grunting and struggling into clothes, still half a sleep, Levi finally reaches down, grabs the zipper on his boots, pulls them up, and buckles the strap across his black top.

He drinks his coffee and the cake mama had lovingly prepared for him in silence. Even though he wakes up early every morning, his body still craves the warmth of his bed to this day. And maybe being spooned in Erwin’s arms have something to do it but he pushes the thought away. He had been so cruel to him for no reason other than Mikasa’s words, which could be wrong, so he tries to make it up to him. Things are finally good between them. Back to where things were before.

“Are you going to keep staring at your empty mug for long or…?” Mikasa’s voice pulls him out of his thought and he rolls his eyes at her.

“I'm ready.” He mumbles.

Mikasa nods at him an amused smile tugging at her lips.

Marco is sitting in the hangar by the door with Jean by his side when they join them. Marco is leaning over him, laughter echoing down the walls of the Hangar as Jean smirks gesticulation and murmuring something that Levi can’t hear. Marco’s arm is over his mouth as he tries to hide his laugh. A light blush dusts his cheeks and his eyes twinkle. Jean’s hand comes up behind his shoulder to pull him in his arms a laugh escapes his lips as well.

Levi hates himself for bursting their bubble but they have to go. He clears his throat and they break apart, startled.

“Oh!” Marco pulls away from jean’s neck, face flushed and laughter dying down.

“Hey guys.” Jean’s forced tone makes Levi smirk.

“Yeah sorry for interrupting but we need you guys to open the door.”

“We’re going to the library.” Mikasa’s smile is fond as she glances between them.

Marco and jean jump down from the metallic bench they were sitting on, near the cars, and head towards the door. Levi doesn’t miss the way jean pinches Marco’s ass in the way. The latter squeals in surprise slapping at his arm.

“Ugh! They’re still in their disgusting phase.” Levi fakes gagging noises.

“Shut up, it’s cute.” Mikasa’s scandalized tone has him laughing. “Puppy love in this world is precious.”

Levi glances at them as they open the door and smiles. It is cute.

**

They take Woody, the electric car. It is raining heavily outside. The surroundings are even gloomier than when the weather is nice. The sky is grey, it has always been on days like this. The fields are fallow, the roads smashed. The car skirts the forest before joining the main road that leads them to the ancient city of Trost.

“So… How’s the feeling being in the passenger seat of the amazing Woody?”

The concrete roads are cracked and it makes the car bounce. Levi sits glaring at the window from the passenger seat, pouty lipped and frowny eyed.

“I will actually stab you and push you off the car. Let you bleed to death. Don’t even talk to me right now.”

Mikasa cackles beside him.

“Awww! That’s not very nice of you.”

Levi huffs in response. He was so excited to drive but then again Mikasa had insisted that she takes the wheel. _“I would like to come back in one piece Levi and with the way you drive that won’t be possible.”_ She had said.

So what if he drives fast? So what if he likes to step over zombies in his way and drift at turns? So what if he likes to hear the tires screech and the engine humming as he speeds into the road?

But _no!_ He has to be careful and not use too much energy because “ _we’re already short on resources”_ and _“We’re in the middle of the fucking apocalypse, Levi!” “Remember, less noise.”_ And whatever else Mikasa keeps coming up with.

From time to time, Levi sees hordes of zombies, but never too close to them. They raise their ugly heads towards the car, but Mikasa drives fast enough to not give them time to follow.

Levi lets his fingers wiggle, leaving his hand outside, car window lowered as he plays with the wind. He feels the raindrops on his skin. One more thing those who can’t go outside will never experience. The rain. The wind. Levi loves the wind. Nobody could control it. It blows as much as it wants as fierce and strong as it wants and no one could stop it.

They soon arrive in sight of the ruins that once represented Trost. It’s recognizable from afar because the inhabitants had tried to build a wall, like the one that surrounded the City, the old Utopia. The project had failed. Not because of the zombies but because of humans. Some refused to be locked up. They said that they would be able to defend themselves against corpses with simple barricades, no need for this stonewall several meters high that would look like a prison. There was a mutiny between the builders. The wall was never finished. The zombies had killed the majority of the population when they arrived. 

Humans are far too sure of themselves. After reigning as masters over the Earth for centuries, they refused to believe that another species could decimate them. They thought they’re stronger, smarter, better armed. They were wrong. They died arrogantly.

Mikasa drives to the inside of Trost city. Levi hates such places. He doesn’t like those remnants of humanity that remind him that they would never be able to live outdoors like this again and were doomed to hide in holes like rats. He hates to see in these ruins the destruction of humanity.

Another more pragmatic reason, zombies often populated cities. Kenny said it might be because some primitive human instincts still existed in them. The instinct to regroup in packs in shelters.

Trost's great library was fortunately located on the edge of the city. There are no traces of the fallen walls in this part. Some houses are still standing. Others fell into ruins. Pipes had broken out in the street. The majority of the windows of the houses around are broken, many doors hung on their hinges. In the haste to flee, the inhabitants collected the supplies and food they were able to carry.

Mikasa parks the car at the bottom of the main steps leading to the library. The rain pitter pattered on the hood of the car.

The windows of the entrance doors are broken but it was one of the few places in which the interior is still almost intact. Obviously, culture has little to no importance when we are in the middle of the apocalypse. It is one of the things that made Levi sad. Many people today did not bother to read or cultivate because they said it would be useless to do so. There are no schools, no jobs, no more promotions to get, no more competitions to pass.

It's as if culture and education has always been related to a specific goal for them when it always had a different meaning for Levi. He just likes to know things, discover, Learn what had happened before, how a storm is formed or how did such an old electrical appliance work. He believes that knowledge should not be lost. It’s not because humanity was half-extinct that its few remaining representatives would become ignorant. Humanity had achieved such an awestriking development in all fields for it to be lost like that. 

Levi loves to dream too. He knows that this was also the case for some residents of the base. They love to read, to escape even for a little bit. They love to immerse themselves in fictional worlds that would drive them away from this ugly reality. They dream, they fly away. They forget. 

That's why Levi agrees to return regularly to the ruins he hates so much. He likes to know that he helps others learn and dream.

As they glance around them, the surroundings are deserted. The wind blows, whipping his hair all over his face and his jacket from side to side as he steps outside of the car. The droplets of rain quench the scattered puddles of muddy rainwater on the ground. Levi pulls the sleeves of his jacket down to his fingers and shudders at the cold. He opens the backseat door and pulls out cartons. Mikasa keeps her weapon in her hand glancing at the surroundings. Levi hears shutters creak in the distance.

The tall building looks unchanged in front of them. Immutable. It had been built in an antique style, if Levi was not mistaken. The tall columns were reminiscent of the architecture of Greek or Roman temples, Levi did not know exactly which. It was hard to find quality information on the subject.

Weapon in hand, Mikasa and Levi climb the stairs that separate them from the doors in hurry to shelter themselves from rain. Levi grimaces when he pushes the heavy iron door, which windows are broken, open and it creaks louder than he intends for it to do. He doesn’t like making noise. The light enters through the bay windows that replace the top of the walls. There are almost intact shelving all over bare for the couple books here and there scattered on the floor. On the right, some are collapsed but on the left, the shelves stand tall and dusty.

Levi takes the direction of the novels. He fills the cardboard. All the writers are good to him all the books are interesting. He fills another box, in the section of historical novels, another in sci-fi and a fourth in documentary books and teen novels. He puts in as much cardboard as he could take with him. He takes all kinds of music. And when he places one or two more classical vinyl records with a small smile adorning his face, Mikasa doesn’t notice.  

“Are you done?” Mikasa whispers as Levi lifts his last box. 

Levi nods and motions for her to lead the way outside. He doesn’t like being so vulnerable. He had his hands in the box; he could not take his weapons as quickly as possible.

The exteriors are still deserted but Levi hears them bang at the wire fences. Levi puts the last cardboard in the truck and slams it shut.

“Let’s go there” Mikasa gestures to another small building collected to the library. “We could find supplies there.”

Levi hesitates. He doesn’t like being in unfamiliar places where he can’t locate windows or other ways to exit on a whim. Which to him screams danger. Mikasa has a point though they could find useful things.

A cracking noise coming from the building has them drawing their weapons in a second. They glance at each other and back to the building. Mikasa walks towards it and Levi catches her by the arm.

“No wait! It’s not safe.” He shakes his head, uneasy.

“It could be a human.” Mikasa insists

“Or a zombie. Let’s go.” Levi’s tone is firm.

Mikasa pauses for a moment.

She looks away from him pensive and then shrugs.

“Levi, remember the day we found Eren? What if someone else is trapped?”

Levi knows that, he still remembers Eren’s confession, that he gave up on life until Levi found him. 

“Fine.” He sighs.

She rushes to the ajar door.

“Mikasa, we need a plan!” He hisses but follows her.

“What for? I see no zombies around; diversion would make too much noise here.”

He grits his teeth, pursing his lips in a thin line. The rusty door creaks slightly as it opens wider. Levi lets his fingers skim at the dusty handle.

The room is plunged into darkness. The only light is coming from the door. The windows in the room are covered with what seems to be dark paint.  They hear creaking and more hissing. Levi is familiar with that sound. The raucous groans of the hungry creatures.

“Mikasa get your ass back outside they’re here!” He whisper shouts at her.

“There is someone else. We can’t leave him!” Mikasa waves her flashlight around. Dozens of shelves decorate the small room. He hears a clatter and then a door thuds. An eerie green light seeps from what seems to be an electric generator in the corner, humming in the background. Levi frowns.

_How is that still working?_

“Is anyone in here?” Mikasa enters the room, Levi’s eyes widen.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He pulls at her shirt from the back. “We’re going back now! We can’t do anything if there’s too many.”

He starts dragging her back when they hear a loud bang from across the room.

“ _Help me! somebody help me_.”

They both freeze at the sound.

Gunshots are fired echoing between the walls.

Screaming.

“ _Please! I’m here don’t leave me.”_

Another loud banging follows and then the low hisses from zombies are suddenly loud and numerous.

Levi holds up his gun aiming in front of him as he follows Mikasa, running between library bookshelves, to the source of sound. She gasps and stops for a second as she shines the flashlight in front of her.

Levi was right. Walkers were everywhere…

Their disfigured faces turn towards them as soon as they arrive and then they start limping in their direction. They are so crowded together that they bump into each other and some of them even fall down and get trampled on but they still manage to crawl and moan extending their arms towards the pair

Levi steps in front of her and starts firing at them. They fall one by one, headshot after headshot. The more he fires the more they appear to be, surrounding them.

“ _Please hurry_!” the stranger begs sounding even more desperate. _“I’m right here!”_     

Mikasa besides him stabs the ones coming at her with her machete. Blood everywhere splashing her face. Her flashlight had fallen rolled to the side illuminating a guy on the floor, dark skinned and bald, with shaking hands, backed up against the wall, firing on zombies coming up at him.

“Get out of there!” Mikasa yells at him as she forces her machete through one’s head, pushing him back.  

 _“I’m trying! I’m trapped! Please help me! Please!”_ He cries

“Don’t worry I’ll get you just—”Levi says dodging zombies reaching for him, he holds his flashlight and fires at the zombies attacking the guy. “Just hang on buddy… I’m almost there.”

Levi steps back in order to reload his gun.

But he’s a seconds too late.

He hears the empty clicks of the stranger's gun and his eyes widen in shock as the guy shrieks, kicking at the walkers with his feet. “No.” Levi chokes out, breathless. “ _No!_ ” The last comes out in a scream, angry and lethal as he watches the man's face twist in pain; a zombie rips at his skin with his teeth then the rest pile over him, piercing flesh with their fingers, tearing his body apart. And then he aims and shoots again even more frenzied.

But it’s too late he’s already been bitten. But Levi still shoots at them and the ones coming from sides, swallowing right through the rising bile. And when they finally fall dead one slips away revealing the man’s face. Half of his it is ripped apart, his skin missing, blood oozing from everywhere. Levi looks away from the sight. He has seen his fair of dead humans the sight is still as disturbing as the first time he saw It. He can never get used to it. His heart breaks at the promise he couldn’t keep. His blood boils in anger and his hand shakes around his revolver.

_Rules #4 Never pause in the middle of the fight, take your eyes of your opponents or your teammates/ partners._

Mikasa’s yelp grabs his attention and he whirls to look at her. She has tripped and fallen backwards between the bookshelves, zombies hurrying on top of her. His heartbeat picks up, frightened by his mistake. Levi rushes close buy. Shooting as many as he can.

_Why are they so endless!? Why can’t they die!?_

Mikasa reaches for her gun from her hostler with one hand. The other is maintaining the Zombie’s head away from her as she kicks with her legs. She shoots at the one on top of her and uses it as a shield from other zombies.

Mikasa pushes herself on her legs aiming blindly in the dim lit room. But Levi sees it before it happens. His eyes widen in shock, mind racing when she aims at the generator.

There was just enough time for him to scream at her.

 _“_ Mikasa! _No!”_

Before it happens.

There was no time to react.

No time to pull her to safety.

No time for _anything_.

The first tiny flames appear right before his wide eyes, sparkling. The flame burns with colors he never thought it would. It ignites in a fiery ball of yellow that turn to orange, rushing outwards, filling the room and escaping through the sections destroyed by the blast wave.

There is a sudden blinding flash followed by a muffled roar and a shockwave that blows away everything in it's path. Including them. The world shivers around him. In the fury of the shock waves, he’s thrown to the wall, awash in light, heat, and deafness.

The pillar of fiery smoke and dust, still boiling up from where the explosion had gone off far underground made the windows shatter. Sending hot shards of glass flying everywhere. Thousands of pieces of glass and steel, a deadly rainfall, showered down, stinging his skin.

Then it got all silent while the giant cloud of dust rises form the ground. A moment of stillness, and almost-eerie silence, then an overwhelming blast overloads his senses. Everything hurts, hot air searing his clammy skin so much that it burns, hot and white. Salty blood filled his mouth. He tastes dirt and pavement.

His head is pounding. His ears are ringing from a roaring boom. He blinks back at thunderstorms swarming in his mind, trying to make sense of the world around him. He realizes he's been knocked into the ground. What seems like papers float down to the ground still burning. The reflection of flames on the glass turns everything red. His eyes water and sting with a puff of thick smoke. His vision spotting.

His chest heaves, lungs burning as if bound by ropes. The air smells of burning, acrid, chemical infused and choking.

Levi can barely hear anything through the ringing in his ears, but they no longer hurt. It feels like they're stuffed. Then his mind registers someone calling his name. A sound that is near yet feels far away, like he’s no longer in the body that lies paralyzed on the ground. It sounds almost like he’s underwater. However, there is no water, nor has there ever been.

He needs to move. They would find him. He can’t hear them, but he knows they’re coming. They always do. The noise was so unbelievably loud that it reverberated over the sleeping town as efficiently as a thunderclap. He has a feeling that they’ll be here any minute now. There is _no way_ that walkers could miss this.

A smoking forearm — a zombie’s — appear before him. It’s raining body parts as it seems. And in his hazy mind, he realizes that It’s not really a body part. It’s an actual burning zombie crawling slowly towards him. 

He wants to get up but he feels weak.

 _Mikasa,_ Levi tries to say, but his mouth is no longer connected to his brain.  _We need to get out of here._

That was his last thought before his mind pushes into darkness, deep down inside that he can’t fight the tide and swim back out and it sweeps him away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On this day, they received a grim reminder that they live in fact in a post-apocalyptic world and that the safety of the base is just an illusion.  
> So... that happened!  
> Yeah shit got real :D


	9. Broken Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… It’s been about two weeks I think?! I’m getting repetitive apologizing about the schedule every time so I won’t do that! Here’s the chapter and I hope you’re still with me on this journey lol I’m working on the next one already so It won’t take long (hopefully). trigger warning (just in case) for panic attack.. I hope you enjoy this chapter, please tell me what you think of it and this story so far!!

Seconds later, a cool breeze gently caresses his boiling face making him shudder as he climbs out of the darkness. He slowly opens his eyes and squints at the brightness of the flames in front of him. The sound of his own pulse throbs in his ears.

He lays still on the ground for a few more seconds blinking to get rid of his spotted vision. He tries to process what’s going around him but he feels light-headed, his mind foggy.

There’s fire, his brain registers, there’s smoke, there was someone screaming but now it’s gone. A moan, more hissing, and his vision finally focuses and zeros on one of _them_ … crawling to his face, hand extended towards him, inflamed. His eyes widen and he inhales sharply, spikes of humid air, burning flesh and smoke striking making him flair his nostrils and cough.

Everything hurts.

Even breathing, the process one takes for granted every second of every minute of their lives—it scratches his throat. Every inhalation a struggle not to cough his lungs out. His eyes burn and water. The room is swimming in a black smoky fog.

Then through his throbbing head flashes of memory rush back.

Expedition to the library.

The stranger dying.

Mikasa falling.

Mikasa shooting the generator.

Explosion….

A zombie coming up at his face.

He winces at the soreness of his hand as he moves it to his shoulder blades and fishes out his dagger.

He needs to get away, it’s too close, warmth is radiating from it.

He rolls away, glass cutting at his skin through his jacket and making him hiss, to avoid the burning limb. He aims for the skull.

_Always aim for the head_.

The dagger penetrates the contaminated head, Levi hears the satisfying slash and the crack under the force as it falls still.

He turns on his back, the effort making him exhausted already. He puts his arm over his nose covering it and takes in a deep shuddering breath to his burning lungs.

_Mikasa!_ The thought has him gasping looking around to assess the surroundings.

“M-ikasa?” He chokes out, but it quickly becomes a coughing fit, the kind where you cough, and cough, and cough, hoping the next one will be the last one that would sooth the scratching in your throat— But it doesn’t come, each hack drier than the next, each breath harsher. As if the last molecules of oxygen have been ripped out of the room.

He sputters, doubled over, on his knees. The hard ground covered in razor-sharp glass is a bed of nails cutting through the skin from his torn trousers, as he pushes himself up. He staggers to weakened legs, ringing ears impeding his balance.

His mind races; _we need to get out, we need to get out —please be safe, please be safe, please be safe._

“Mikasa!” He manages to call out, mouth aching with thirst. His feet are burning in certain spots, barely holding up his weight.

Dread seeps through his veins when he doesn’t hear an answer.

Bookshelves have collapsed on the floor, boxes emptied all over it, blocking the way. He moves carefully through them to look for mikasa, where the orange flames crackle. He’s dizzy, but not as much. The dull pain all over his body doesn’t make it easy for him to move.

Bodies are scattered everywhere, some are smashed to the walls by the explosion, some burn in corners, some are hissing torn in half but still moving.

_What’s worse than a zombie is a fucking burning zombie._

All the windows in the room are broken, day light emerging through them. His ears catch the rattling sound of the rain. It’s still raining heavily outside.

“ _Mikasa!_ ” Levi’s blanches at the sight. Mikasa is laying still facing the floor, her jacketed forearm catching flames. Levi gasps as he rushes by her side; the burning generator is blasting with heat. He removes his jacket immediately ignoring the pain pulsing in his shoulder and flaps it over her forearm smothering the flame until it’s gone.

He drags her away by her other arm near a window, shuddering from the cold wisp of air against his clammy skin then sinks to his knees beside her.

When he turns her over on her back and the light hits her body he gasps. There’s a shard of glass impaled on her shoulder and it’s bleeding immensely. She’s unconscious, there’s a cut on her forehead and it’s oozing with blood trickling down her face. He feels the boiled skin of her injured arm under his fingertips. The skin from the burned hole in her jacket to the visible part of her hand is deep red.

Levi checks for her pulse with shaking hands and he’s relieved to find it pounding under his fingers. Her heart like his desperately doesn’t want to stop beating, especially not in a chaos like this. He watches the steady rise and fall of her chest as she breathes.  

_She’s alive— She’s injured but she’s alive_. He could cry from relief.

With shaking hands, he puts pressure around the open shoulder injury avoiding the glass and he feels the sticky blood clinging to his palms.

He tears a piece of fabric from his shirt and wraps it carefully around the wound to maintain pressure. Levi pulls away the walkie-talkie from the strap on his arm. From the window, he sees them coming.

He turns the device on and it grizzles, his stomach drops. He didn’t take the long range one. Maybe by some miracle it will be within range and transmits his message.

He should know better than to believe in miracles by now.

“Levi to Marco, can you hear me?” He wipes at his forehead with the back of his hand, blinking the sweat away from his eyes.

“I repeat, Levi to Marco can you hear me?” All he gets is static noise that has his throat closing in threat of screaming in frustration.

“Can… Can anyone hear me?” He’s desperately clutching the device crouching by the window and watching them invade what was a clear zone just a few minutes ago.

Nothing comes through the speaker. They’re out of range. He turns it off cutting the noise and it drops to the floor beside him.

He can feel the wave of panic rushing through him now and making his blood run cold in his veins. Mikasa's hurt. She's bleeding. And he doesn’t know what to do. He can’t call over for anyone, he can’t go out with Mikasa in his arms and still fight. He can’t leave her here and come back it might be too late. They’re trapped.

“Shit! _Shit!_ ” His hands fists around his hair anxiously.

They need to get out. He can’t panic now or it’ll be the end.

_Breathing in and out slowly_. He hears Hanji’s voice in his head. _Come on now deep breaths everything is fine._

He’s wasting time, if he doesn’t move she’ll bleed to death.

“Mikasa?” he smacks her face gently. “Mikasa, wake up!” He doesn’t recognize the shakiness in his voice. “I— I shouldn’t have allowed us to go in, I’m so sorry…I—” They shouldn’t have gotten inside it was all for nothing, the guy they came for is _dead_ and Mikasa is injured.

He should have made sure that they go back safely. It’s all his fault. His thoughts seem to jump from one thing to another. Uncertainty teases the corners of his mind, as he is unable to analyze things or assess risks.

He looks around the damaged room trying to find something— _anything_ that can save them, And his attention is snapped to Mikasa when she whimpers. Her face twists into a grimace of pain as she blinks her eyes open.

“Are you okay?” Levi’s breathless as he speaks and he realizes how stupid he sounds.

_Of course, she’s not fucking okay._

 “H-urts” She mumbles weakly. “Please… M-ake it… stop…” she reaches for the glass and he catches her hand.

“ _I can’t_ , Mikasa, I’m sorry, _I’m sorry,”_ He pulls away her bloodied matted hair from her sweaty face. “I can’t take it out, you’ll bleed out, there’s already so much blood.” She lets out another whine and sob-like-chocked sound from her parted lips “I’ll get you out of here I promise, I’m sorry you have to wait.” He swallows through the lump in his throat.

Mikasa’s eyes are out of focus, she keeps sniveling in pain, her lips open and close but no further words come out. The sight of her coal black eyes open, however, washes over him in relief.

All his fears are tumbling out unchecked by his brain, spinning out of control. They need to get to the car. but it’s far away. The car is surrounded by walkers. And he can’t fucking reach it. He spins around again frantically. There’s a door from the other side of the room. Maybe he’ll find something there.

“I’ll be right back okay? Stay here.” She doesn’t respond and he doesn’t wait for her to.

He beats a cough out of his system, wincing in pain as he stand up again. He clenches his fists, hesitantly taking each step; the ache in his body has him limping.

There’s a contaminated on the floor just beside the door, laying, cut in half. It’s stomach is emptied on the ground, intestines threading between the two halves of its body. Levi glares at it, doesn’t even reach for his dagger, or his gun, or any of the scattered objects on the floor. Instead, he stomps towards it, kicking it with the heel of his shoes. He grunts angrily, even though his legs aches, even though it’s not a priority right now, he feels a tiny flare of satisfaction at the way Its skull cracks, brain mushed on the floor.  

The door opens to another small room dimly lit through a small window. There’s a pile of clothes in a corner, a mattress on the floor, as he walks inside he flips open cabinets and desk drawers. He rummages through the stranger’s stuff and takes whatever he thinks he needs. He can’t panic. He can do this. He has to do this.

He finds bottles of water, the box of the aid kit has only one roll of gauze left and a pair of scissors but that will do. His fingers skim on violent scribbles of the words in bold letters engraved on the wall. “Alone” “Lonely” “Dead”. Engraved names of people all over the place.

_They’re probably names of people that have died._ Levi thinks. _It must have been hard for him to be on his own for god knows how long and to die miserably like that._ Levi hates the way his insides clench with guilt because he made him a promise that he couldn’t keep and now he’s dead.

He wills his feelings away and rushes back to Mikasa’s side. Now is not the time for that. He keeps an eye on the undead inside and glances at the ones outside nervously as they keep approaching.

He drops to his knees next to an unconscious Mikasa. He proceeds to remove the jacket but then her burned skin starts peeling away along and he stops immediately, face twisting at the sight. He takes a deep breath willing his hands to still, takes out the scissors, and cuts through the sleeve of her jacket carefully avoiding the pealing area. He pours the water over her skin to cool it down and she whimpers again, her arm seizing in his grasp.

“ _I’m sorry, I’m sorry_.” He glances to find her crying.

He throws the empty bottles away, rolls the gauze around her hand, and ties it carefully to not cut pressure. He ignored the injury in her head for too long; blood is now trickling down her neck and into her shirt. He curses under his breath at his stupidity and presses on the cut by her temple as he cradles her head in his arms.

Mikasa is still awake; her face is sickly pale and skin clammy. The distance in her half-lidded eyes has his stomach churning in tense cramps. They have to go now. He wraps the rest of the gauze around her head and ties it.

They need diversion; god knows how many are by the front door. He looks around for something and when he glances at the black device on the floor, he gets an idea that might work.

He puts her head back on the floor and retrieves the walkie-talkie, grabs his daggers and limps to the door. He pushes his head out and peers at the surroundings. A dozen of contaminated are shuffling towards him from the gate. He can’t go through them all, not with Mikasa unconscious and defenseless.

On his right there’s already one a second away from jumping on him. He maneuvers himself away from its grasp and stabs it through the eye. Its blood splashes into his face. Kenny’s words ring through his ears.

_The contaminated aren’t attracted to each other’s smell_.

He turns on the walkie-talkie and it crackles to life, static noise buzzing through the speaker. He turns the volume up to the highest setting and throws it away to his right. It lands a few meters away. Levi exhales in relief when their heads snap to the direction of the sound and he takes the chance to pull the one dead by his feet inside.

He drags it and lays it by Mikasa’s feet.

“It’s okay now, everything will be okay.” His voice comes out uncertain and he doesn’t know who he’s trying to convince, Mikasa or himself.

With his dagger, he stabs its stomach open, suppressing a gag at the foul smell. He digs his hand through the body and scoops up blood to cover his jacket, which he just pulled from the floor, with it.  He remembers Hanji insisting that no matter what circumstances you’re under never let their blood on an open wound.

Every inch of the jacket is covered with the thick smelly blood. He scoots beside Mikasa and repeats the same process but keeps away from her injuries. He puts the walker’s intestines around his shoulder, hanging like a necklace.

He crawls to where he sees his gun on the floor and checks to find it still loaded. Slowly and carefully, he pulls Mikasa up. Beads of sweat are sliding down her face, skin cold to the touch. When her eyes roll back in her head, raw terror spins through him, turning his blood cold.

“Oh no, oh god, oh god, _Mikasa-_ ” His barely contained panic is begging to finally spread through his body rendering him a trembling mess. “Mikasa, please, you can’t abandon me now,” his voice is straining on the edge of tears again. He can’t lose her too, he won’t be able to live with it. He’s already lost too many people. And she won’t be one of them. He won’t allow it.

“ _Fuck_!” he shouts, terror turning into determination as his instincts take over, numbing his mind to silence. He hoists her over his shoulder, muscles flexing under her dead weight, teeth gritted. Normally it wouldn’t be a hard task for him but the ache in his shoulder makes his arms tremble. He pushes through it.

They just need to get to the car and then go home. He peers around takes a deep breath ignoring his aching body and his throbbing head, the smell of blood and decomposed body parts all over him has him suppressing gags. He starts walking slowly imitating their pace hand tightly over Mikasa, the other holding his gun.

His ankles, to each step he undertakes, are contracting with pain as he limps out of the building. It’s still raining, the sky is an ocean of grey clouds that indicate an upcoming storm.

_Things are fine_. He keeps telling himself. _Everything is fine._

His heart is beating loudly inside his chest. He takes careful steps ignoring his mind urging him to run. They’re too close, his hand tightens around Mikasa protectively. Despite the fact that others seem to have shuffled towards the building, they’re still too many for him to handle by himself. If he were on his own, he’d be fine. One of the zombie’s weaknesses is that they’re slow. They shuffle and roam around in slow pace allowing humans to outrun them. Except in this case, he can’t.

_We’ll be fine._ He keeps repeating it like a mantra as if saying it too many times will make it true.

He walks among them, almost holding his breath trying to not make a sound. The car is so close and yet so far away. A few other steps and it’s over. Thunder rumbles in the distance and the wind picks up howling, the sound of window shutters cracking intensifies.

Mikasa fidgets in his hold and whimpers. Levi’s eyes widen when he sees them from the corner of his eyes turn towards him. He’s just by the car so he doesn’t care about noise now. The car door snaps open and he drop Mikasa on the seat. He turns around slams the door shut and starts shooting, now that they’re cornering him, now that she’s safe.

The sound of his own pulse throbs in his ear, deafening. But he doesn’t stop. He kicks with his legs and shoots with his gun. He jumps over the car hood to the other side and in seconds, he’s also inside the security of the car.

Hands banging on the windows make him jump. But he ignores them. He doesn’t waste another second and starts the car. His fingers curl, nails digging into the steering wheel. It roars to life loudly and he screeches the tires as he drives off.

“ _Oh my god_!” He’s gasping for air and laughing hysterically.

_It fucking worked._

The adrenaline coursing through his veins has him trembling uncontrollably. Heart jumping to his throat. He inhales sharply, laughter dying down, kneading at his shoulder with his left hand.

His car collides with zombies. Blood splatters everywhere over the windshield. The vehicle bounces as he drives over them.

_“Fuck you!”_ His scream reverberates in the closed space of the car, finally liberated. He risks a quick glance at Mikasa then back at the road. Her head despite the gauze is still bleeding. Her skin is drenched with sweat looking pasty and pale.  Her teeth clacking as she shudders does nothing to assuage his gnawing anxiety.

Lightening rips through the sky, followed by the rolling thunder. He hears the howling of the wind and sees the trees sway by the force. He drives faster; the world around him is a blur of colors.

His mind races with scenarios that has him slamming his foot on the accelerator pedal. He doesn’t even want to imagine a life where she dies. He focuses on the road before him instead, windshield wiper is squeaking, flapping from left to right quickly.

It takes him ten minutes, with the speed he’s driving in, to arrive at the military base, honking when he can’t see Jean or Marco by the gate. The noise will attract zombies but he has no time to open it by himself. Seconds later the teen’s head pops out from behind a door and Levi can see his form, blurred by the rain, hurrying to open the gates. Levi drives inside the hangar.

He’s out of the car in seconds unbuckling Mikasa’s seat belt and pulling her in his arms. He hears the gate door groaning shut and they’re plunged in darkness. Marco and Jean hold their torches and run to his side.

“Oh my god what happened?”

“Is she bit?”

“ _No,_ where’s Hanji?” He asks instead walking towards the door leading to the rest of the base.

“Infirmary.”

Levi doesn’t waste any time as he runs off in the corridors screaming Hanji’s name who opens the door startled.

“Who the fuck is screa—” She blanches when she sees Levi with an unconscious Mikasa in his arms.

“ _No, no, no_ ,” She pulls the door open and makes way for Levi to enter. “No, god please, no.” her hand comes up to her mouth as her wide eyes water with tears.

“There was an explosion, her hand was burning and she hit her head, there’s also a stab wound in her shoulder.”

She takes deep breaths willing herself to calm down. She needs to be strong for Mikasa.

“Okay! ... _Okay!_ Put her on the bed.” She tells him, voice trembling. “Someone get me Cis.”

“I’m on it.” Jean says. Running was pretty much all he can do no questions asked. Jean has always been quicker than everyone else. He dashes out of the room.

“Okay, I need bandages,” She ties her hear, “clean towels, sheets, alcohol.” She rolls her sleeves. “Where’s the damn kit?” she’s looking around her frantically.

He watches her as she sets it by the bed. “I-is she going to be okay?” Levi is standing by Mikasa’s head wiping at the moisture in his face.

Hanji is unbuckling Mikasa’s belt; starts removing her jacket and cutting through her shirt with scissors ignoring him.

“Press on her head,” she says instead. “How long has she been unconscious?”

Levi hears cabinet doors open and close behind him as Marco gathers what she needs “I- I don’t know… She’s been in and out of consciousness the whole time.” He presses at Mikasa’s head, pulls away her matted bloodied hair from her face. She’s so pale.

Hanji nods at him, pulls away the lamp towards the bed and lights it.

“She’s going to be okay right?” he asks again blinking at the glaring light. Their eyes meet again and before she can answer Jean storms inside the room, Cis on his heels.

Levi’s question is long forgotten as he’s pushed to the side for Cis to take his place. Hanji is throwing orders around glancing worriedly from Mikasa to Levi. “What about you? Are you—”

“I’m fine.”

Her eyes flash with worry at him and she gestures with a gloved finger to his clothes quickly inspecting him from head to toe.

Levi’s face is covered in splashes of blood, his shirt torn, his hands wet and shiny and scarlet— His hands shake.

It is  _her_  blood, Levi realizes, eyes falling back to his red, glistening hands. The contaminated’s blood was only on the jacket. This is hers.

“It’s not mine— I— She won’t- she won’t stop bleeding.” Levi’s voice trembles. It sounds frenzied even to his own ears.

Tension grows in his face and limbs.

“Levi?”

His breathing becomes more rapid, more shallow.

“Levi?”

Panic seeps through him fast and heavy. His heart is hammering inside his chest. The room spins and he squats on the floor, trying to make everything slow to something his brain and body can cope with.

“ _Levi?_ ”

_She’s bleeding. She’s dying. It’s my fault._

The thoughts are accelerating inside his head. He wants them to slow so he can breathe but they won't. His breaths come in gasps and he feels like he will black out. He feels so sick. Voices around him are so far away, the room is suddenly too small closing on him. He needs to get out.

“… _Shock_...”

“… _Levi_ …”

A hand clutching his face pulls him back to reality.

“Levi!”

“Jean! Talk to me.” He recognizes Hanji’s voice on the edge of panic.

“Wait—…. I—…. Levi can you hear me?”

Jean snaps fingers before his face and Levi swallows heavily. He blinks and nods slowly.

“He’s shaken up but he’s okay I guess?”

“Get him out of here.” Her tone is firm “Keep an eye on him until I’m done.” He sees Jean nod at her as he helps him up on his feet.

“Come on.”

Levi is lead outside by an arm on his back.

He feels suffocated watching when he can’t help. He’s useless when it comes to the medical field— unlike Marco and Cis who are Hanji’s trainees. Levi leans against the door when they’re out hand shaking against his chest, his heart thumping fast under his palm.

He doesn’t understand what just happened. He was fine just a few seconds ago and now he’s a trembling mess. His palm comes to his sweaty face and he wipes at the sweat trickling down his skin.

“Why don’t you go clean up? It’ll make you feel better.” Jean says softly as if talking to a small child or a terrified animal. Levi, deep down, appreciates his concern but he doesn’t understand why it irritates him now.

He needs to get out of here. Jean’s worried eyes on him makes him uncomfortable.

“Where were you earlier? You and Marco should have been guarding the base.”

Jean flushes deep red and scratches at his head nervously.

“I— a storm was coming so we decided to get inside. Besides, all the wired fences around the base are enough to protect us. The last time we were attacked by zombies was when Furlan die—” He stops mid-sentence eyes wide and anxious boring into Levi’s glaring ones. “You know…”

“Exactly, _I know!”_ Levi spits angrily. “We’re not supposed to let that happen again.” He can feel his headache growing by the second; he rubs his temples with his fingers. “Each one of us has his job around here. You can’t just do as you please.” He shouldn’t be taking his frustration on Jean, the kid did nothing wrong but he can’t help it. Too many mistakes happened today and he feels like everything is falling apart.

He left Mikasa unprotected. He broke his promise to the guy. He took the wrong Walkie-talkie. The car is now all messed up.

_The car…_ He should clean that up. Armin doesn’t like it when someone messes up his work. And god knows how hard he worked on it to keep it working.

“I’m sorry.” Jean looks down and Levi’s throat tightens in guilt. “I’ll go back now.” When he makes to leave, Levi holds him by the arm.

“No.” He shakes his head. He’s the one messing up not Jean. Jean doesn’t deserve this. “I— I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. You don’t have to go there in the middle of a storm, just be careful okay?”

Levi lets go of him, sighs and turns the other way towards the Hangar instead of the HQ.

“Where are you going?”

“You don’t have to follow me around, I’m fine.” He waves a hand dismissively. “I’m going to clean the car.”

“Then I’ll help you—”

“No, it’s fine, it’s my problem I’ll fix it.”

He hears Jean’s footsteps rushing behind him.

“But Hanji—”

Levi stops and looks at him with pursed lips.

“ _I’m fine._ I don’t want you babysitting me. I just want to be alone for a little bit.”

Jean looks unsure but he nods.

“If you need anything you know where to find me.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

He doesn’t wait for Jean’s reply and pushes the door leading to the hangar open. The room is pitch black. He pats blindly for the light switch by the door until he finds it. He winces, momentarily blinded by the light, and shuts the door behind him.

The place looks immaculate; the only thing out of place is the bloodied Woody. He doesn’t even feel it in him to laugh about the car name anymore. Body parts are stuck in the hood, skin of walkers by the windshield wiper.

He doesn’t know why he’s worried about a fucking car right now but all he’s thinking is that It should be clean. The doors are still open, forgotten in a haste to get Mikasa to the infirmary. He feels a knot forming in his stomach. Just this morning she was fondly smiling at Jean and Marco and teasing him about not driving. Just this morning she was alive and safe. His words still ring in his ears.

_“I will actually stab you and push you off the car. Let you bleed to death. Don’t even talk to me right now.”_

He said those words so carelessly and now he realizes how deeply he regrets uttering them. He wishes he could take them back.

_Let you bleed to death_

He sighs pushing his disgusting wet hair from his face. He remains a long moment motionless looking at the damn car. Everything is silent around him and the silence hurts his head. He’s afraid to go forward. He’s afraid to go one step further and see Mikasa laying unconscious in the passenger seat.

 He doesn’t realize that he moved until he finds himself looking down at where she was just a few minutes ago. There is blood on the seat fabric, two huge spots that come together almost forming one big spot. He feels something breaking in him.

_The car is stained._ _She can’t stand that the car is stained._

She is always careful when they use it. Careful that no one spills anything on it and when it rains it's a disaster to have to keep their muddy feet and wet clothes away from the fabric.

_There is blood on the seat, there shouldn’t be blood on the seat. She must not see that_.

He has to clean this up. He has to clean it before she gets here. _Or Armin._

_He must not see that. He must not see these spots._

He heads for the containers by the wall. He digs through them but he can’t find cleaning products.

_Of course there isn’t. It’s a fucking apocalypse._  

He fills a bucket, wets a towel, look around to find a stock of minty shower products that they have made.

_That will do._

He takes one bottle and empties half of it. He comes back towards the car.

_The blood must go, it can’t stay there. It shouldn’t even be there._

He starts rubbing. The pain in his shoulder is back on full force, hot and burning. He feels everything. The fear, the panic, the pain and the distress that invaded him. He rubs. He rubs more and more. He sees her body laying on the floor, hand catching fire. His own hand trembles fingers rubbed raw against the harsh fabric.

_The blood doesn’t go away. It doesn’t go away. Why won’t it go away?_  

He doesn’t see the spots anymore, he doesn’t see anything anymore. Nothing except her head in his arms as he presses on it to stop the bleeding, her face covered with her own blood. He rubs even harder. Despite the pain, he doesn’t stop.

He keeps rubbing. He doesn’t know if they were right with their shock and trauma bullshit when Furlan died, but the more he sees the images in his head the more he feels something breaking in him and it hurts to the point that he wants to throw up. It all mixes up and he sees Furlan again. He sees himself pulling the trigger, he sees him collapsing to the floor, he sees Kenny dragging him back inside because he was unable to leave his dead body. He was lucky enough to never have to kill his loved ones. Kenny preserved him from that. Until Furlan.

_She’s not allowed to leave me._

He sees himself again trying to wake her up, her lack of reaction as if she was already dead.

_She can’t die. She promised._

He doesn’t realize he’s grunting loudly and mumbling until his scream echoes in the empty Hangar.

“ _You do not have the right to abandon me, you hear me?_ ”

He stops and straightens up. He’s panting hard, shoulder burning. He grunts throwing away the bloody towel and starts kicking the side of the car repeatedly. His foot hurts more than it did before. He turns around and in his fit of rage he knocks the bucket away. It rolls on the ground and the water spills.

He stares at it dumbly. The puddle of water on the floor is proof of his failure to do even the simplest of tasks.

“ _No…. no, no, no! Shit, Shit_!” The last thing he needs is wasting fucking water right now. He feels so stupid. He can never fix anything. All of this is his fault and he keeps messing up. He rushes to pick it up and the door swings open.

“Levi?” He looks up to see Anna tearing up by the entrance. When she takes him in she gasps. “Oh,  _Levi_ ,” She says, bringing her hands to her mouth. Feeling raw and exposed, he averts his eyes from her worried gaze. She runs towards him and takes him in her arms. The bucket drops to the ground as he’s frozen in her hold.

Her smell fills his nostrils and it’s comforting and familiar her hands wrapped around him tightly glues him back just a tiny bit.

“I’m so sorry,” She apologizes voice straining with tears and Levi is confused.

_Why is she apologizing? Mikasa can’t be—_

“I shouldn’t have asked you to bring me books. To hell with books. I’m so sorry.” she cries against him and he doesn’t know what to do. She pulls away from him and he notices that he’s dirtied her with blood.

That’s all he does; ruin things.

“You don’t have to apologize. It’s not your fault.” _It’s all my fault,_ is left unsaid but she knows him too well.

“And it’s not yours either.” She wipes at the tears flowing down her face. “Look at you…” Her eyes water again, voice breaking.

He’s still always surprised by the motherly love he gets from her and Kuchel despite all those years spent together.

“Why don’t you go freshen up? Let me take care of this, okay?” She rubs his face with the sleeves of her shirt.

“But—”

“No buts! I’ll deal with this, don’t worry about it.”

“I’m fine.” He says weakly looking at the ground. He doesn’t want to be a burden. He should be the one fixing his mistakes.

“Go have a shower okay? Let Hanji check up on you when you’re done and then we’ll talk.” She smiles at him, a soft watery smile, her hands cupping his face.

He nods at her looking down unable to meet her eyes. He doesn’t deserve kindness. He doesn’t deserve this love and affection.

He walks towards the door, he turns around to see her rolling up her sleeves and picking the bucket up, before he disappears down the hallways.   

**

Nothing prepares him to the sight he meets in the mirror.

He is covered in blood. His torn clothes are stained with huge dark spots. His hair is filthy. His eyes fall to the space between his neck and shoulder, matted and dried with layers of blood.

_Her_ blood.

He looks away from his reflection and down at his hands, blinking slowly. Levi’s breath hitches. He doesn’t know why the sight of her blood on his hands, on his clothes, on his body still surprises him. As if, he expects it to be gone by itself.

He takes off his shirt, flips on the sink and thrusts it under the water, fingers digging at the fabric. The water immediately turns scarlet, escaping in a swirl down the drain. He grabs an entire bar of soap and scrubs at it, his fingers turning pink. The blood starts fading, slightly. The water begins to steam, fogging his eyes. Levi rubs at his face with the crook of his elbow.

The water finally runs clear and when he looks up into the mirror again; his eyes are smeared with red. Levi’s heart is thumping painfully in his chest. He doesn’t know why he is reacting this way. He doesn’t hear Eren enter the bathroom he feels his arms pulling Levi back. He jerks away from Eren’s touch. Eren takes a step back.

“Your head—”

“I’m fine.”

“Your clothes—”

“I’m _fine”_

“You know… saying it repeatedly doesn’t make it right.”

“Leave me alone please.”

He meets Eren’s eyes staring at him through the mirror with a hint of concern. “What are you looking at like that?” Levi probably hit his head so bad to be seeing things that aren’t there. “I said I’m fine.”

“Okay, I get it. You’re fine.” He walks closer to Levi. “That isn’t.” He gestures for the wrinkled shirt laying limply in Levi’s hands. “That’s not how you wash clothes.”

“I don’t have time for this. I don’t need your pity.”

“And I’m not pitying you! You are ruining the shirt. Clothes are valuable items nowadays.”

“Get the fuck out of here.” Levi growls shutting his eyes and grasping the sink tightly knuckles turning white. “Just leave. I’m fine. I’m not the one bleeding to death in the infirmary. I’m fucking _fine_. I’m alive and pumping. I’m standing on my legs and she’s not. I’m not the one you should worry about.”

Eren stares at him frowning. His lips part as if to say something but then they close again and he looks away.

“You know what? This piece of shit shouldn’t even be washed.” Levi says frantic, hands trembling. “It’s fucking ripped anyway; it’s not even usable anymore.”

He laughs even though his heart aches. “Here’s the shirt you’re worried about.” He clutches it with his hands and rips it in half.

His chest tightens, the weight won’t go. His shoulder burns with every movement. He wants to scream but nothing comes out. Even the tears won’t come out. His throat is clogged with a lump that won’t go away. He stops, heaving and panting, he meets Eren’s eyes again and he sees emotions that has him ducking his head down in shame for breaking down in front of him.

“Please, just leave.” He mumbles weakly and stays still like that until he hears the door thudding shut. Eren is gone.

He looks at his reflection in the mirror, eyes red with wildness that makes him look like a pathetic crazy person getting worked up over a goddamn shirt. His body is bruised, filthy, scarred. His hair is disgusting. He does need a shower. Taking a deep breath, he undresses himself and gets into the cabin.

The water that streams down his body is hot. Relaxing his muscles at first then burning. It’s coming down red from all the blood and he wants to puke. So he rubs at his skin, trying to get rid of today’s traces, until it’s red and blotchy. Everything is foggy; his vision darkens at the edges. He feels like he’s about to pass out from the excruciating pain but then the door of the cabin bursts open and the water turns freezing cold sending electroshock through his whole body. Strong arms surround him and what he sees before passing out are the lightest blue eyes.

**

Levi wakes up in his room. Dressed in warm cotton clothes that don’t smell like death. His hair is still damp for the shower. He sleepily blinks at Erwin laying next to him. A book over his head as he reads hand draped around Levi’s shoulder.

Levi closes his eyes lulling to the slow steady heartbeat of Erwin under his cheek. He sighs finding comfort in Erwin’s familiar smell his and warm body. Then it hits him. Why he’s here, what happened, he sits up quickly making Erwin jump and the pain shoots through his shoulder.

“ _Levi!”_ Armin jumps from his position at the end of the bed. He didn’t notice his presence.

“Mikasa—” He says, his tongue clicks sticky and dry against the roof of his mouth.  

“I don’t know anything yet.” Armin shakes his head pushing a glass of water against Levi’s lips.

The cold liquid soothes his dry throat and he sighs at the freshness.

“How long have I been out?”

“Couple of minutes.” Erwin says. His hand brushes Levi’s hair back, fingers feather-light. “You scared me. You weren’t replying to me and the water was burning. You collapsed on me.” He adds hesitantly. Levi puts the glass on the bedside table and leans on the metallic headboard.

He tries to relax against the touch but his body tenses the minute Erwin mentions what happened. He pulls his knees to his chest and looks away. Erwin seems to notice his discomfort and he doesn’t insist.

It was a moment of weakness, something he’s not proud of. He doesn’t want to talk about it and he’s thankful for them not to pressure him. Sometimes it gets too overwhelming and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

Armin is frowning and pouting adorably from the end of the bed. “You can’t be careless about yourself okay?” He kicks him in the legs and Levi smiles, a weak sleepy smile. “You’re all I have.” He whispers.

“I’m okay, Armin.” He repeats again and it sounds wrong even to his own ears. He’s not okay, he can’t be okay until she is.

“You’re exhausted,” he tells him instead. “Go back to sleep _._ Everything will be fine.”

He wants to believe him and without realizing it, he drifts back to sleep against Erwin, lulled by fingers combing through his hair and their voices chatting in the background. Maybe when he wakes up things will be okay.


	10. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm back with some fluff and bonding. I hope you like it!

It’s hours later when Levi drops by Mikasa’s room. It’s so quiet that he can almost hear his pounding heart. The only sound in room is the monitor beeping at steady rhythm. His stomach drops at the sight of her closed eyelids and the way she’s laying motionless. Her dark hair is fanned over the white pillow. Skin deathly pale, her eyes are sunken and shadowed purple. She looks frail and vulnerable in this bed.

He watches over her for a while holding her hand as he apologizes for everything. He occasionally brushes the loose strands of hair away from her face.

The door knocks, pulling him out of his bubble. He glances at it just to see Eren standing by the door. Eyes wide and surprised. Levi must mirror his expression.

“I… Uh… I’m sorry I was looking for Hanji.” He says, looking at Mikasa then at the floor. He’s avoiding Levi’s eyes. Levi nods at him even though he can’t see it.

“She went back to her room to change.” Levi can see how uncomfortable Eren is, shifting on his feet. He hates how he caused this after the progress they made in their relationship. After all Eren didn’t do anything wrong this time. It’s Levi who snapped at him.

“Okay.” He steps back to leave. “Thanks. I’ll wait for her in the infirmary.” He’s about to the shut the door when Levi stands.

“Wait.” He scratches the back of his neck. Now that he has to say it, he feels awkward under Eren’s expecting gaze, peering at him over the door. “You know about earlier… I didn’t mean to snap at you… I overreacted …” Eren open his mouth to say something and Levi holds his hand up. “Let me finish. I just want to say that I’m sorry and thank you for trying to help.” He blurts out looking away.

Eren is silent for a while and Levi wants him to do something to end this uncomfortable atmosphere.  

“I want to apologize on what happened as well.” He finally says. Levi looks at him confused. “I shouldn’t have insisted.” He explains. “I didn’t care about the shirt I just didn’t know how to…. Help. I’m really not good at this.” He lets out a laugh.

“You didn’t have to help.” Levi frowns. They’re not friends he doesn’t expect him to care. “but thank you either way.”

“So? We’re good now?” Eren asks, blinking at him with his round green eyes. Levi hates himself for thinking about how beautiful Eren’s eyes are right now.

He snaps back from his staring. “Yeah… yeah we are.” He nods. “Let’s pretend it never happened.”

Eren’s face brightens with a beautiful smile. “Cool.” He’s out of the room in a second.

Levi sits for a few more minutes. He squeezes Mikasa’s hand. Mikasa is his family. She’s his partner, his friend, someone he trusts with his life. Things wouldn’t make sense otherwise.

He leans over the bed and kisses Mikasa’s forehead. The silence in the room does nothing to sooth his nerves so he leaves.   

Hanji is waiting for him by the door, freshly showered and changed.

Levi swallows the lump forming in his throat. Hanji looks at him for a second “Thank you.” He meets her hazel eyes. She pulls him in a hug. “Thank you for bringing her back to me. I can’t thank you enough.”

“She's a fighter.” He tightens his arms around her. “She’ll be fine.”

Mikasa is strong. Levi knows it. It’s just a matter of time before she wakes up.

“She is, yeah.” Hanji says after they pull away. They walk side by side.

“When I first saw her. I was in awe of her. With her shaggy hair and her rebel-don't-mess-with-me aura.”

She smiles at the memory. She still remembers when Mikasa found her. She still remembers how she appeared out of nowhere and swiftly sliced the zombies in half with her katana.

“She saved me, she protected me, and she loved me. She was patient even when I was freaking out about my love for her. She reassured me and waited for me. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Seeing her unconscious and bloodied in your arms… I, I felt my world crumble right there and then.”  Her voice trembles at the memory. “But she has always been a fighter. The wounds weren’t as bad as I imagined when I first saw her unconscious in your arms. And that’s thanks to you for stopping the bleeding and getting here in time.”

“I was scared.” Levi admits. “I was terrified, I didn’t know what to do or how to help. I can’t believe we made it back.”

“But you did.”

“Yeah.”

“And she’s alive.”

“She is.”

 

**

Levi is starting at his-now cold- meal. It was Armin who insisted that he eats with them since he has skipped lunch.

Eren is telling them about one of his City stories when Connie joins their table.

“Well, well, well, guess who decided to finally join us? His majesty himself.” Levi tenses. He's exhausted, he wants to sleep. He grits his teeth in annoyance.

“Shut up Connie.” Levi snaps.

“Why? I thought I'd give you a proper welcoming. Sitting here calmly eating, while our friend lies between life and death.”

Connie wasn't shouting but the conversation at their table has stopped.

“Connie drop this. You know nothing.” It's Eren who hisses this time, surprising everyone.

“Mind your own business Eren you’re an outsider.” Erwin rushes to say and Levi feels anger bubbling inside his veins. He didn’t say anything to Connie and he’s the first to speak when it comes to Eren.

Levi sighs, closes his eyes to down the voices and takes a deep breath. His face flushes in annoyance.

“Yeah,” Connie chimes in. “Since when do you get a say in this anyway? I know enough that whenever he's involved there's always trouble. It has always been with zombies but now one of ours is dying and who's fault is that?”

Levi looks up and meets his eyes. Armin's is now patting Eren's back in comfort.

“Really?” Levi’s voice comes out calm and cold. Nothing like the rage, he feels inside. “Oh because you know what it’s like? Being outside risking your life for others? Were you there when we were stuck? Were you there when I had to think of a way to get us out? Were you there in any of those situations where I _supposedly_ risked your life?” He leans across the table. “Because last time I checked  you can't even get out of the base without having a panic attack.”

Connie growls offended.

“How dare you—”

“You know, I have always wondered how it would be like cutting somebody’s tongue.” He reaches for his knife, skimming his finger along the sharp edge, testing.

Connie gulps loudly looking at Erwin for help. Everyone around the table is now watching the exchange silently.

“Levi…” Erwin’s tone is chiding. _Of course, he’s going to take Connie’s side_. Levi is disappointed but not surprised.

“What?” Levi looks at him with mock innocence. “I’m genuinely interested in knowing.” He glances back at Connie. “When you cut a tongue off someone’s mouth, do they die? Do they become mute? I want to know” He flails the knife in his direction. “So keep talking if you don’t treasure your pathetic life. Because I won’t be calm for long.”

When Connie takes his plate and sits in another table, Levi can’t help but smirk in satisfaction.

“That wasn’t necessary.” Erwin shakes his head beside him.

Levi fights the urge to snap at him.

“Go after him why don’t you?”

“Where are you going?” Erwin starts when Levi stands to leave.

“Why don’t you worry about yourself and your friend over there.” Levi snarls, glaring at Connie over his shoulder.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Erwin is behind him in seconds, pulling his arm.

“It means precisely what I said.” He jerks away.

He leaves the cafeteria in a hurry ignoring Erwin calling his name.

**

Later in the evening, Levi joins The HQ to hang out with the others.

“Leviiiii” Levi is startled by Marcel squealing from his position on the carpet and runs towards him with a paper and a red crayon in hand.

“Hey there, buddy, what’s that?”

“I made you and Mikasa a drawing.” He hands him the paper. “I gave Hanji Mikasa’s paper to give it to her and this is yours.”

Levi smiles softly at him and inspect the paper. There’s a drawing of what seems to be a person with a red cape with Levi’s name written beside it. He can feel Eren’s eyes on him as he takes a seat next to him on the couch. No one is in HQ besides Eren and the women chatting a few chairs away. Eren is reading one of the books on Levi’s sofa.

“You see,” Marcel says, blue eyes sparkling. “That’s you, wearing Hero clothes. Daddy told me the other day that if I eat vegetables I’ll become a strong Hero like you.” He leans over whispering. “And I realized that you don’t wear Hero clothes because you don’t want anyone to find out. Don’t worry it’s our secret.”

Levi watches him speechless. He doesn’t know what to say to that. Marcel is just too cute.

“Oh! Thank you.” He pulls him in a hug. “That’s so precious thank you so much. I’ll put this by my bed so I can see it every night. And your daddy is right; everyone can become a strong hero if they eat their vegetables.”

Marcel scrunches his nose in disgust as they pull away.

“They’re yucky I don’t like them!”

“But if you want to be a hero like Levi you have to eat them.”

Marcel looks up at Eren sitting beside them and he gapes. “You’re not supposed to know that!”

He looks between them then steps closer to Eren. Levi watches him amused.

“Are you a hero as well?”

“No, unfortunately I’m not. I, also, need Levi’s powers to stay safe.” Eren says.

Levi feels warmth spreads inside his body, his cheeks heat up.

Eren smirks. “But I’m taller so there’s that!”

“ _Huh!_ He’s weak, because he didn’t eat his vegetables.” Levi snorts. “Don’t be like him.” Marcel giggles at them jumps to sit between them to continue his coloring.

“You’ve won this round Eren, I’ll give you that.” Eren is still smirking at him and Levi narrows his eyes.

**

Freshly showered, Levi joins his room to sleep. Erwin is glaring at him sideways from his position on the bed as he removes his clothes. Levi rolls his eyes and glares back at him when their eyes meet.

“What?”

“Did you have to say that in front of everyone?” Erwin snaps when Levi pulls Marcel’s drawing from his pocket and places it on his bedside table.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? What are you five?” He snarls through gritted teeth, violently flattening the creased paper.

“You can’t just do shit like that in front of Eren and embarrass me.”

“What did I do? Remind me because I was busy with your best friend’s bullshit.”

“I’m your boyfriend Levi, you can’t just ignore me because of a dumb argument that I wasn’t even part of.”

“First of all we’re not boyfriends. I told you to not call us that.” Levi crosses his arms over his chest. “Besides I’m not the one siding with that asshole friend of yours over your so called “Boyfriend” now am I?” He air quotes at the word boyfriend. “And if you don’t mind I’m really tired and I want to sleep.”

He doesn’t wait for him to answer and climbs the bed, pulling the covers over his head. Erwin grumbles under his breath for a few more seconds before slipping under the covers as well. Both on each end of the bed, back to back. Levi hates having to fight with him because they share the same room and the same bed and it makes thing awkward. He would have stormed out to sleep in one of HQ sofas if it wasn’t for his shoulder injury and the comfortable mattress of this bed.

Levi tries to sleep but he can’t, _again_. He lays still in the darkness for a few hours before getting dressed and joining HQ.

_Eren would probably be there._

But the minute he steps out of his room he sees the light from a flashlight from the end of the corridor. Who goes out during the night other than him and Eren?

“Eren?” He whispers loud enough to be heard.

“ _Scheiße!”_ He jumps, startled by the noise, hand over his chest and Levi realizes that it’s indeed Eren.

“Wait for me!” He adds, shutting the door behind him and walking up to him.

“You scared the shit out of me. Why do you always walk like a ninja— swiftly and without noise?”

“Force of habit I guess.” Levi smirks at his alarmed expression “What were you doing here anyway?” He leaves out the fact that Eren’s room is no way near his and that he could have gone out without coming here.

“I hesitated on knocking to get you. Erwin would have probably ripped my head off if he saw me.” Eren flashes the light over his face blinding him. “You don’t have to look this smug about it. It’s not like I was waiting for you or anything.”

“Yeah, yeah, right!”

They walk silently and Levi ignores the flare of satisfaction at the thought of Eren waiting for him.

“It's raining,” Eren says as they push out of the trapdoor. He already feels the soothing coldness of the breeze. There scent of wetness lingering in the air.

“I know. Do you want to go back?”

In complete darkness, Levi feels Eren hesitate for a second before he whispers:

“There is no risk of falling?”

“No. Except if you dance Tango on the roof.”

“Tango? What is that?”

“Never mind that. I keep forgetting how ignorant you are. It’s a dance, I'll teach you someday. So, are we going or not?”

“Well yeah, hurry up. What are you waiting for?”

Levi sighs exasperatedly and joins the stairs on his right, Eren holding onto his elbow. Together they climb to the roof. Normally, Levi was always alone coming out here, but he discovered that having company was not so bad.

Levi tells him about human history before the epidemic, which Eren did not know at all. Levi is getting to know Eren and the City. He learns that Eren is not, as hateful as he thought he would be. His vision of him changed little by little, without being fully aware of it. Because at night, on this roof, they sometimes talk for hours. At other times, they just lay side by side staring at the stars or clouds above their heads.

They have drastically opposite visions on many things, but Levi discovered that he liked to argue with Eren on a multitude of topics as long as it’s not mean. They were so different, yet they managed to finally coexist together. Their differences formed a beautiful patchwork. The fact that they never agree on anything gives them at least something to discuss.

They’re as stubborn as each other. Yet they had learned to find a middle ground where they agree to disagree. Or say that the reasoning of one was more logical or that the point of view of the other was more appealing.

Eren always seems to be interested in what Levi had to say, especially if it’s about Human history. Levi is always fascinated by the information he gets from Eren about life in the City. A civilization as strict and selfish as it is, still stands. As a child of the apocalypse he can’t help but be amazed by the progress they succeeded in making there. To him, having the opportunity to have a normal life is just crazy.

They learn from each other.

“We can’t see the stars!” Is the first thing Eren points out when he lays on the roof near Levi.

The rain is light; droplets of water soak his skin and clothes.

“It's raining, dumbass. That means there are clouds, so no stars.”

Eren stands up on the sloping roof. Levi sits up and instinctively reaches for him.

“Be careful, it's high. If you fall, you die. I know you think you have many talents, but flying is not one of them.”

Eren lifts his face to the sky and spreads his arms. The wind blows and his long hair sways by the force.

Levi vigorously rejects the thought that comes to his mind. The one that whispers to him that Eren looks like a fallen angel, fallen from the sky.

“It's been almost five months since I had not felt the rain on my skin.”

Eren's voice is clear in the silence, even though it is a little blurred by the rain.

“Only in these moments do I feel alive. When I feel the sun heating my skin, the rain dripping on me, the burn in my lungs when I run. I used to go running in the City. There was a park, which I liked, not far from where a friend of my sister lived. There are so many trees that you can’t see the walls from the park sometimes. It's one of the only places in the City where I did not feel trapped. I ran there. I felt like if I run fast enough, I could escape.”

Eren looks over his shoulder to Levi. Levi thinks he sees him smile, but it is hard to discern through the darkness.

“What?” Levi says, suspicious at the way Eren is staring at him.

“You look like a lion cub half drowned.”

“A lion cub?”

“You would not have appreciated if I said kitten. You're too fiercely independent and too wild for that.”

Eren runs his hands through his long hair slicking it back to clear his face.

“I would have pushed you from the roof if you said kitten.”

“That's not what I call peaceful cohabitation.”

“I take the term "kitten" against me as a particularly serious personal attack.”

“You take everything as a particularly serious attack as soon as it touches your ego a little bit.”

“We have not known each other long enough for me to tolerate such comments from you.”

Eren chuckles as he sits down next to him.

“The day when I will not say what I think about whoever, has not arrived, your ego is better off to get the idea.”

Rain drops drip on Levi's skin. He’s starting to get cold. Eren’s face is raised towards the sky, eyes closed.

“I already heard worse from you.” Levi says.

Eren stiffens beside him. His eyes widen and he looks towards Levi then down to his lap. He’s silent for a few seconds. Levi partly regrets saying that. But it’s true. He’s not going to act as if nothing ever happened.

“I’ve been here for months and I can tell that I’ve been wrong about you. We’re off to a bad start and I’d like to change that for good. If it reassures you, I do not see you anymore as ... whatever I thought before. I admit I was wrong. And I’m sorry for saying those things.”

Levi raises an ironic eyebrow.

“I am touched by your leniency.”

“I'm not kidding, Levi. I think I'll always have trouble with your ... love, Hanji and Mikasa and you, I'll probably still be uncomfortable with seeing you kiss Erwin but ... I learned to appreciate you as people. I learned to see beyond. See you for who you really are.”

“Did you just insinuate that you like me?”

“What? N—No. I said that I don’t see you anymore as a penis sucker, don’t push your luck.”

Levi lets out a laugh and nudges his shoulder lightly. Eren does not stiffen this time. He barely flinches at the contact. Maybe they’re progressing. They’re not friends. But they’re not enemies either. They’re just two young boys hanging on to the same things. Clean air, rain, stars, life.

It’s already a big step forward for two guys who were on each other’s throats a few months ago.

Eren’s wet hair curls around the edges. Some smaller curls hang down into his face and Levi is momentarily distracted by them. Eren shakes his head willing his hair to gain some life back into the flattened locks. The water droplets flying from his hair into Levi’s face, who blinks at the rain in his eyes.

**

Mikasa wakes up at dawn. Levi visits her the minute he hears about it. He expected to see Hanji beside Mikasa. but she’s alone staring at the wall above her when he enters the room. A wave of emotions rise in his chest. Anger and relief fight over the surface.  

“You scared me, never pull this shit again okay?” He says, voice trembling.

However, she doesn’t turn her head towards him, as if she didn’t even notice his presence, as if she didn’t hear the door open and close. Then she slowly glances at him face blank and his stomach drops.

“Who are you?” Levi’s heart skips a beat. Blood drains from his face when he understands that she must not remember anything. His knees start to wobble and he might just crumble to the ground. But then her mouth quirks into a closed lipped smirk.

“Ha! Got you!” She tries to raise her hand in triumph but then winces in pain. “When will everything stop hurting. _Damn it!_ ”

Levi is staring at her in disbelief. He feels a rush of heat coursing through his body.

“You really are a piece of shit!” He breaths out.

Her smile is back again. “Oh come on, you think you’re the only prankster around here? You should’ve seen your face it was epic.”

Levi represses the urge to suffocate her with the pillow.

“I can’t believe you did that to me. I hate you so much.” He takes a seat beside her. He’s having a hard time calming his beating heart.

“I did it to Hanji as well. She started crying.” Her smile is soft as she speaks.

“Of course she would. Those few hours were hell. I kinda want to hit you right now I’m not satisfied with just sitting here.”

She glances down at the cover and her smile fades. She still looks tired and frail and Levi realizes that maybe she’s not as cheerful as she pretends to be.

“How are you feeling?” He asks. It’s a stupid question considering her state.

“I’m feeling better right now.” She says. “I’m kind of scared of the pain when the drugs wear out.” She admits. “The first few hours after waking up were just pure pain.”

Levi nods even though he has no idea how that felt. He looks at her bandaged forearm and shoulder. The cuts in her face and the bandage around her head.

“I’m so happy you’re alive, you have no idea.” Levi blurts out. “Do you remember what happened?” He asks her, hands crossed over his chest.

“Not clearly. It happened too fast for me to grasp it. All I remember is the pain, the fire…. And just thinking that this is it, I’m going to die. But then you came, I felt you and I tried to hang on to you stay awake but I couldn’t.”

Levi nods again.

“You know Hanji told me what you did for me.” She looks up at him. He meets her coal eyes and her soft smile. “You’re the best partner I could ever have. Thank you.”

Levi feel his face heat up. She doesn’t need to thank him for that. They’re partners. He did what she would do for him if the roles were reversed.

“When you get better, you have to work out more. You were really heavy.”

Mikasa chokes out a strangled laugh. “Excuse you, I’m very fit. You’re just small that’s why.”

Levi groans. “Can everyone stop saying that? Even Eren joined the party. I’m not that short!”

Mikasa raises an eyebrow. “Eren? What did I miss?”

“Uh…” Levi looks away trying to think of something to say when the door opens. Hanji emerges in the room saving him.

“Ah! Levi you’re here!”

“Yeah, I’m gonna leave you now to check up on her or whatever, see you later.”

He’s out of the room as quick as possible. The last thing he heard was Hanji’s “what’s up with him.” He doesn’t know why he’s being secretive about his relationship with Eren but he’s not sure how to qualify that yet.

**

Eren teaches him to discern the constellations that night.

They’re out on the roof, Levi takes a second to gaze out the horizon. The night is surprisingly clear. No sign of the storm other than the smell of wet grass. The view isn’t that amazing when it’s dark. You can’t see anything clearly but the idea of this vast universe brings him peace. It’s so calming to watch stretches of land before him knowing that he’s not a prisoner despite everything.

Levi turns to Eren who’s sitting on the ground looking up at the sky. He sits down next to him. There are no clouds tonight. The sky is like a black canvas shining with stars.

"Do you plan on finally making the romantic move with the stars?" Levi turns his head towards him.

Eren looks at him, coking his head to the side in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Levi is suddenly reminded that he shouldn’t be making these kind of jokes with Eren. For a second he’s afraid he might have said the wrong thing.

"Y-you know. Tell me what each of them are called to try to impress me." He stammers nervously looking away.

He’s immediately relieved when Eren smiles. He lets out a chuckle even, before returning his attention to the sky.

“You don’t know constellations?” He sounds surprised when Levi shakes his head.

“You’re the one who knows everything about everything.” Levi follows his gaze to the sky.

“I only know things about the City and that’s nothing compared to what you learn here. I didn’t have access to forbidden books like you.” Eren says. “Do you really not know?” He asks.

Levi pushes his hands back on the floor, leaning his weight on his palms. “Why are you so surprised?”

“I don’t know. You’ve lived outside all your life basically.”

“Yeah, learning constellations isn’t exactly a surviving hack.”

“Good point.” He nods to himself. “I’ll teach you then.”

Levi glances at him as Eren eyes the sky, searching, before pointing up.

"Look, do you see the stars that look like a pot right there?"

Levi looks up. There are bunch of stars shining in the sky but he can’t make out a pan.

“No?”

“Pay attention, it’s right there!”

Levi squints his eyes and stares but he still can’t make it.

“Do you see it?”

“Nope.”

Eren groans.

“You can’t do anything!”

“Well I’m sorry; I can’t see a fucking pot made from stars!”

Eren smiles, bites his lip as if suppressing a laugh. Levi is momentarily distracted before he sees him moving closer— _Wait, what?_ Eren is moving beside him, voluntarily.

“Here,” Eren looks up again, not seeming fazed by the proximity. “Follow my fingers I’ll shape them for you.”

Levi watches him, stunned for a second before following his hand. His slender fingers trace a shape up in the sky and Levi actually sees it this time.

“Can you see it?”

“Y-yes”

Eren’s hair smells of minty shampoo. Eren is too close to him and he seems fine by it.

“That's the Little Bear, and ... That,” He traces another shape, larger than the first. “That’s the big bear.”

“How do you know?”

“Because they look like pots. The Little Bear, the small pot and the Big Bear, the large pot.”

Levi hums.

“What does it represent?”

“Pots.” There’s a playfulness to his voice and Levi rolls his eyes.

“No, I mean what constellation?”

“Oh, I think they’re called Big Dipper and Little Dipper, I’m not sure. For me between the pots and their names it always reminded me of Mama Bear, Little Bear. It’s a children’s book from The Pre-contamination Era. My sister used to read it to me when I was younger.”

When Levi finally looks at him, he sees a sad smile on his features. The moon is big and round, moonlight reflecting on his face. Beads of sweat have formed on his forehead from the humid air and they glisten slightly. Eren must have sensed eyes on him because he looks at him.

Levi feels his face heat up at being caught. He thanks nature for it to be nighttime, and his blush can’t be seen. He doesn’t look away and neither does Eren. Levi is suddenly aware of their proximity and so does Eren who seems to have caught himself. He looks away, clears his throat and shuffles away.

He then looks back, round eyes wide, parts his lips as if to say something then shuts them. Levi’s heart is beating fast in his chest suddenly. He has no idea what to expect but it certainly isn’t what Eren finally says.

“I’m… hungry.”

Levi’s eyes widen. He lets out a laugh, throwing his head back.

_“What!”_

He’s shaking with laughter even more when Eren pouts his lips, looking away, embarrassed. His stomach rumbles as if insisting to humiliate him even more.

“Come with me.” He finally says after calming down.

Minutes later, they each have a bowl full of freshly picked strawberries and a glass of milk as they sit on sofas, listening to classical music inside HQ.

“This is the only snack I can get you right now, I hope it’s enough for your highness.”

Eren munches on his strawberries, humming in approval.

When he wakes up in the morning, he’s covered with a blanket he doesn’t remember putting on and Eren is gone.

 

 


	11. Scars

A month has passed and it had been raining non-stop. Levi hates it. He hates being underground for so long but he knows that the weather could stay like this for months. It has already happened before. They’re already getting short on meat and other vegetables and he’s starting to worry about the supplies.

Mikasa has been healing pretty well, a bit of discomfort and pain when the painkillers wear out but she’s doing fine. Hanji hasn’t left her side the whole time. Levi visits from time to time.

The highlight of the month is the time where they open the boxes brought from the expedition. Even if it’s just books and a couple of kid toys Levi found in the library, People still get excited about it.

Levi drops everything right in the middle of the HQ. More than a dozen people gather around. Anna shyly approaches the table casting glances at Levi who smiles at her warmly. He holds out his hand for her and she takes it, wrinkled palm soft against his.

Armin and Eren are searching through the box titled “History”. Glancing at Eren, Levi remembers what he bought for him. He doesn’t know why he did that. At the moment it just felt right to bring his something. Now he worries about Eren’s interpretation of his act of kindness. It’s friendly to give gifts right? Friends do that right? Why is he even giving him gifts? To his defense the minute he saw them he thought of Eren and their nights together.

Levi fumbles in one of the boxes and takes out a few vinyl records he had took especially for Eren.

“Here.” He hands them to Eren. Levi clears his throat while Eren looks at him surprised casts a glance down at the vinyl. Eren worries his bottom lip between his teeth frowning, confused. Levi already regrets doing this. He can feel his face warming up.

“It's classic.” He explains, impatiently shoving the Vinyl in his hands.

 _What you listen to at night to appease your nightmares before we get on the roof_ , Levi thinks without taking his eyes off him.

“You’re offering me presents now?” Eren looks up at him, pink lips spreading in a shy smile. “I will end up believing that you’re trying to get on my good side.”

Levi rolls his eyes, more amused than exasperated, relieved even, that Eren isn’t mad about it. He turns to go about his business without paying any heed to Armin barking a laugh behind him. Armin is always there to laugh at the nonsense that Eren says. Or anyone really.

“Alright everyone, Mikasa and I risked our beautiful asses to bring you something to feed your imagination, so it is out of the question that I move a little finger to put away anything. If you need me, you’ll find me harassing Mama for food.”

Levi throws kisses around and disappears to the kitchen.

**

It had been raining all day. Levi had teamed up with Kenny, since Mikasa is still recovering. They’re soaking wet when they return to the  base after their hunting trip. Marco and Jean are in their usual corner by the gate. Levi nods at them in lieu of salute and makes his way inside. He’s freezing in his clothes. His shoes, soggy, squeak when he walks. He grits his teeth in annoyance. Purple lips quivering from the cold. He’s not very fond of winter.

Like every time after the hunt, the first stop is at the kitchen to hand over to Mama and Sasha, the two cooks. When they reach the counter, Sasha is kneading bread dough while Mama is mixing a salad. Mikasa is eating a sandwich beside them. She waves at Levi as he walks in.

A new oven had been set up near the old ones, which was strange since no one at the base had recently gone on an expedition to retrieve new equipment. Levi would have known. He was always part of these missions.

“What is that?”

Kuchel looks up at Levi's question. She puts her salad bowl on the worktop, wipes her hands on her apron and turns to open the doors of the refrigerator for them. This thing takes so much energy but it is essential to their survival.

“One of the ovens we'd picked up years ago but never managed to make it work. Eren fixed it and we installed it here. It’s bigger than the others, it will serve us well.” She nods to herself content. “He is skilled, the little one.”

“I imagine that by "the little one", you’re not speaking of the oven.”

She gently slaps him on the back of his head.

“I'm talking about your tall _friend_ , Eren.”

Levi clicks his tongue and puts his prey in the shelves of the cold room.

“I'm trying hard you know.”

They’re doing fine now but nobody knows about it. Nobody knows about their nocturnal outings. And they barely talk during the day. Both work better at night; It’s as if they’re different people. They are more themselves, without false pretenses. Darkness makes their masks fall.

Kuchel sighs.

“Not Erwin apparently. They had a big fight today.”

Levi feels his stomach twisting in worry. He did not know if he felt it for Erwin, Eren or the situation as a whole, but he is worried. Which he did not particularly like. He did not like being anxious for someone, because it meant he cared about people. He doesn’t want to worry about too many people in this life. Less attachment, less pain when people die.

Levi sees Mikasa shaking her head exasperatedly from the corner of his eyes. Strangely, Mikasa likes Eren. She said she was focused on the person Eren is, not on his homophobic prejudices, and that she likes him especially after he apologized for everything. Hanji was happy about it and if Hanji is happy then Mikasa is happy. Obviously, they had reached the point where Mikasa condemns Erwin's behavior towards Eren. She takes Eren’s side considering she had never really liked Erwin.

Levi doesn’t know what to think of this situation. After all, he, himself, had been the one attacking him few months ago.

“About what?” He asks as he comes out of the refrigerator. Kenny is still inside rearranging boxes.

“No idea. I just heard noises half an hour ago, but I think it was ugly.” She sighs again. “You can leave that there, Kenny dear.” Kuchel turns to Kenny as she speaks, indicating an empty shelf.

Levi needs to know what happened. Mikasa stops him from going to his room to see Erwin. They need an objective version of what happened, and Erwin would definitely not be of help.

Levi knocks on Armin's door twice before entering. Hanji, Armin and Eren are inside. Armin is sitting on his working bench. Tools discarded to the side. Eren is on the bed, Hanji in front of him sitting in a small stool. Hanji has a white cloth in her hand as she cleans a cut on Eren's eyebrow. There is blood.

“What ... happened?” Levi is frowning as he approaches them. He looks at Eren, eyes searching his face. Eren glances away.

Hanji looks over her shoulder, shooting him a glare.

“Your boyfriend decided to play villain.”

“He’s not my—”

“Your roommate,” Armin cuts off dryly. “Your _roommate_ punched Eren in the face. There must be something rotten in your room that’s clouding your brain, you're not able to keep your fists away from his face.”

Levi takes stops in his tracks. He doesn’t come closer, offended by the hostility aimed towards him. He opens his mouth to answer when another voice precedes him:

“It's not Levi's fault. He did not ask Erwin to hit me.”

“Oh no, he can do it himself.” Hanji says through gritted teeth. “We remember.” Levi doesn’t understand why they’re being angry with _him_. Especially when he had nothing to do with this.

He averts his eyes from Eren to Hanji.

“What's wrong with you? I didn’t do anything! I wasn’t even there when it happened! Why is it me that you’re scolding?”

Hanji stops again to glare at him. Her lips part as If to say something but Eren cuts in before she does.

“That's enough guys! It's not his fault. Erwin spoke on his behalf, that does not mean that Levi thinks the same thing.”

Levi shakes his head in disbelief. He glances at Mikasa, who’s obviously puzzled by hanji’s sudden aggressiveness towards him.

“Erwin said that you and him were waiting for the first chance to kick me out.” Eren explains in a very calm tone, tongue comes out licking his pink lips. Levi is distracted momentarily, he looks away.

He barely flinches when Hanji resumes patting his eyebrow with a cloth.

Levi pulls the chair from Armin's desk and sits down beside the bed. He tries to keep calm and not snap at them. For once he had done nothing, he had not sought trouble from anyone but it still falls on him. Erwin had to include him in something that Levi would never have joined. He pats the bed next to Eren to get his attention.

“I never said that, Eren, I swear.” Levi knows it’s hard to believe when he’s obviously thought about it once before. In his defense it was just when he was angry. He doesn’t actually mean it.

Eren turns his head towards him. His green eyes meet Levi’s. His features soften as he nods and his lips stretch on a tiny smile. He believes him.

“I know, Levi. I know.” He tells him still nodding.

“Erwin said that both of you are planning this.” Hanji adds, more calmly this time. Hand suspended in the air as she watches them.

Levi rolls his eyes. “Hanji, please.” He says through gritted teeth, voice edging on impatience. “Since when does Erwin know what I really think?”

She grimaces at that. She of all people should know about that. She seems to have realized it when she looks up at him, apologetically. “That’s true. Sorry. I did not mean to get angry but ... I felt like it was better between you and Eren, but when Erwin said that I thought...” She sighs dropping her hand to her thighs. “I thought that maybe you played us and I know you like to play with people sometimes, Levi, but I wouldn’t have appreciated you tricking me too...”

Levi puts a hand on her arm. He feels annoyed that she would even suggest that. He does not play with people. What’s between him and Erwin is a misunderstanding. He didn’t trick him into anything. He doesn’t like the disappointment he feels at the fact that, this is what she thinks of him. He shouldn’t really care, this shouldn’t matter. But it does.

“I did not play with anyone.” He says, sighing. “I did not lie. We're doing ... better?” he starts, quizzically looking at Eren.

Eren smiles a private smile and nods.

“Better, yes. We're not the best friends in the world because he's really unbearable, but I do not think he'd feed me to zombies.”

Levi nudges him in the shoulder playfully and Eren laughs. Their three friends stare at them blankly.

“Have I missed something here? Did that just happen?” Armin asks glancing between them, a puzzled look on his face.

“We’re coexisting peacefully,” Eren explains. “It works pretty well. Peaceful coexistence does not include kicking me out, though, right?” He turns Levi who shakes his head smirking.

“No. Cutting your hair in your sleep is.”

Mikasa rolls his eyes, scoffing.

“God, I don’t want to be part of whatever this is. How did you even go from hating each other to this?”

Eren shrugs exchanging a knowing look with Levi.

“Alright then,” Levi concludes, getting up. “I'm going to see Erwin,”

“It might be hard talking to him for now.” Armin stops him, wiggling his eyebrows, amused.

“Why is that?”

“He's knocked out in the infirmary. Apparently, Eren is pretty good at defending himself.”

Mikasa stares at him open mouthed obviously as shocked as Levi, as he asks in a stunned tone:

“Wait,” He lets out a laugh in disbelief. “ _You_ , Knocked Erwin out?”

Eren smirks, face relaxing in a smug expression.

“Your boyfriend did not ask me if I knew how to defend myself before punching me. So I took the pleasure in showing him that I do know.”

Armin is laughing hysterically. Of course, he thought it was funny seeing Erwin get his ass beat. Levi feels like he’s probably the only one in his group of friends who can stand Erwin.

Right now he’s very impressed. Few people in this base could beat Erwin in hand-to-hand combat. Mikasa, Levi and Nile. That was all. Eren had to be ... really good then.

"It's my sister who trained me," Eren informs them, giving Levi a sidelong look.

Eren must not have talked to anyone else, whether it was Armin or Hanji or Mikasa, about their nocturnal meetings. Otherwise, he would not have looked at Levi this way by mentioning his sister. It was a conversation they had on the roof, the first time they went up there. The others must not have known enough as Levi about Eren's sister.

How strange is it? How strange is it that the two people who got along the least in the base - apart from Erwin - were now the ones who shared secrets?

Levi has no idea what is going on. He did not consider Eren as his friend, not really. He just knows that he’s different from those he knows here. He brings out intense feelings out of him. Levi strangely feels more alive when he’s with him. Even if it’s just fighting him. He breaks loose from the monotonous rhythm of the days.

And that is a sensation he had lost for a long time. He doesn’t know how to feel about that. He doesn’t know if that’s good or not. He doesn’t even know how to put words on it or fully understand it himself. It’s just different. It’s exciting and peaceful. It’s a feeling he doesn’t share with Erwin. He has no idea how Eren feels about this and that also makes it more dangerous. He has no idea what he’s putting himself in.

Him and Eren are not friends. Some days, they barely stand each other. But during the nights ... they somehow find their way back to each other. When he goes to sleep after their nocturnal meet ups he’s always thinking about the next time they do it again. Because they understand one another. That’s the key to everything. Levi has the impression that Eren lives things the same way he does, even if they are opposites, even if their past is poles apart. Even if this doesn’t make sense. Somehow it’s perfectly logical. Him and Eren are different but at the same time similar.

Eren is trying to live, not just survive. That is what Levi is looking for too, whether he knows it or not. Eren doesn’t just want to stay alive he wants to learn, explore, understand. Those are the things that has them bonding. You can never get bored with him and Levi likes that. Even if they’re silently watching stars it doesn’t feel weird for him anymore.

It’s a comfortable silence. The one where you don’t have to fit a dialogue into because the company is enough. It’s weird feeling loneliness when you’re surrounded by people but he does feel lonely. And during the night when he’s with Eren on the roof he doesn’t feel alone anymore. He’s always preferred loneliness over company but Eren imposed himself in his routines and he’s now part of it.

“Your sister must have been good,” Mikasa’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts, continuing the conversation.

“She was, yes.”

Armin sits behind Eren on the bed and wraps his arms around him. Okay, Levi may have overestimated the "I'm the only one who knows that about him" thought.

“I'll talk to Erwin.” Levi announces suddenly, more determined. He needs to make Erwin understand that it’s not okay to do that. Now that he’s no longer making the same mistake.

“If that’s what you want. Go ahead.” Eren shrugs. “But don’t do it on my behalf, first, because he will not listen to you, and secondly, because I know how to defend myself.”

"We're supposed to live in peace here, Eren," Hanji reminds him. “If even Levi can talk to you without putting insults into the conversation after five seconds, Erwin should be able to avoid swinging his fist in your face.”

Levi doubts it really. But he would try.

**

“You hit him Erwin. _Obviously_ he’s going to defended himself. You're just raging because he's knocked you out.”

It’s later in the day that Levi gets the chance to talk to Erwin in the privacy of their room. He already regrets it. He’s starting to feel a headache from all the arguing.

“I'm ... I'm out of it because this asshole seems to have put everyone on his side that even _you_ are defending him!” Erwin shouts, jostling Levi by the shoulder. Levi grimaces in pain at the gesture but Erwin seems to ignore it.

Levi should have known better than to hope for a calm conversation. Erwin has hated Eren since day one. He’s obviously going to be mad when he learns about the progress between Levi and Eren. Levi should have known better than to expect something from him.

“I’m not defending him!” Levi jerks away from his grasp. His hand comes up to kneed at his shoulder. “I just telling you that _you_ hit him. He did nothing. Kenny will keep you in a cell for a week for that and you know it. You're going to endanger the farmers' lives up there because there will be one less competent guard to protect them, and you know that too. You fucked up, Erwin. You screwed up because you can’t control your impulses!”

Levi knows he’s definitely not the one to reprimand on that but if he’s able to control it so should Erwin. All Erwin has to do is just keep away from him or make efforts.

Erwin, in a fit of rage, knocks what was on their bedside table on the floor. Levi had never seen him so angry and he’s confused. How long has he been holding this up to explode like this?

“I can not believe you're doing this. _You_ , of all people! He hates us, Levi! He takes us for monsters, abominations of nature! And you side with him, over _me_? what is going on here? Since when did you become this understanding? Because I sure as hell missed the memo.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “Why can’t you be like that when it comes to me? Why can’t you be this forgiving with me? Why won’t you ever support me?” He lashes out. Levi is stunned in silence not knowing what to say.

 _Is this it? Is he going to say it?_ Levi doesn’t know how to react if he ever did say something. His body itches with the need to run away before it happens. He doesn’t want to confront him. HE doesn’t want to end this because he’s selfish. Erwin is his safety net. He doesn’t love him but he’s not ready to cut off things with him. Maybe he is manipulative after all. Maybe he does play with people.

“But he does not think it anymore.” He pathetically says instead. Is that a good excuse? Probably not to Erwin who’s eyes are so wide they could bulge out of his skull. His face is so red veins are almost popping in his neck.

Erwin breathes through his nose, lips pursed, teeth gritted. “Really now?” He starts. Then he steps close to Levi. “And how do you know that when you told me that you have been avoiding him?”

Did Levi have to lie about that? Probably not. He owes him nothing and has no obligation to explain himself. Was he trying to not hurt Erwin or protect himself from this confrontation? Everything is blurry when it’s related to Eren. He doesn’t like that.

“That was weeks ago!” It comes out in a scream. “Yes I’m making efforts, yes I speak to him, he makes efforts to understand us, Erwin, and behaving as you do frankly does not help to improve the image he has of us.” Maybe he should tell him once and for all. End his misery and break the illusion he had given him of a relationship that doesn’t exist. Is he ready thought? He’s not so sure suddenly. He’s not ready for the change.

“You can’t see him again, I won’t let that happen, he’s turning you against me.” Erwin stares blankly at him his face masking whatever emotions crossed his features.

“Listen to yourself!” Erwin always tries to tower over him, corner him and trap him thinking that maybe Levi would submit. Levi pushes him away. He will never let that happen.

Erwin nods to himself, ignoring him. “You have completely lost your mind, you became completely stupid. This is not possible otherwise ... So what now? He’ll be the next me? You’re that desperate?”

Levi has heard enough. He doesn’t trust his ability to be calm for so long. Not when Erwin keep pushing.

“Fuck you.” He spits before grabbing his hostler and storms out of the room.

“Levi!”

He doesn’t listen and tries to jerk out of his grasp when he catches his hands. But he fails. Erwin pulls him in a hug, trapping his arms by his side as Erwin holds on tighter. Levi squirms angrily in his hold trying to free himself.

“Levi, wait I didn’t—”

 “Get away from me.” He snaps, finally pushing him away.

“I… I didn’t mean to say that…” Is the last thing he hears as walks away. He quickly joins a room in another corridor. The wing reserved for older residents.

“Come in.” The voice is muffled by the door. Kenny is sitting cross-legged on his bed studying a map when Levi enters. His face softens when he sees Levi. Levi at first had a hard time adapting to his life with Kenny but he eventually warmed up to him. And now he’s became a father to him.

He pats the spot on the bed next to him before averting his eyes to his map.

“To whom did you declare war this time?”

Kenny knows him too well. Levi lays on his stomach near him and sighs exasperated.

“Erwin.” He mumbles cheeks squished on the mattress as he looks at him working.

“About Eren, I assume.”

Levi hums.

“He's so ... stubborn that he can’t even listen to anything. He is unbearable. Am I like that, too?”

Kenny shakes his head slowly, still focused on his map, fingers skimming over the paper.

“If you were like Erwin, it would’ve been a long time since I would’ve kicked you in the ass.”

“Why don’t you do it with him then?”

“Because you are my son. Not him.”

Touched, Levi stays silent. Kenny had raised him, he had educated him since he was five, since the day he'd picked him up. He is the only parent he has.

Kenny's blue eyes snap up to meet his when he raises his head.

“I'm proud of you, you know. You’re growing. You managed to get over your differences with Eren.”

“You kinda forced me to that a little," Levi shrugs his shoulders, his face relaxing in a smile.

“No I don’t think so. It would not have worked with anyone. I did not plan to lock Eren with Erwin for example. Only you and Eren are smart enough and open-minded to adapt, to understand.”

His adopted son nods again deep in thought. He turn on his back to stare at the ceiling.

“He is different. He thinks differently. He brings something else. It's interesting.”

When he looks at his father, he sees him smiling. Levi frowns taping him on the knee.

“What?”

“There is a note of admiration in your voice that I did not expect to hear about him.”

“Whatever!” He feels his face heating up.

“Of course, Levi. We will speak about this again.”

**

Levi is starving. Their morning hunt having been a success, Levi and Kenny returned for lunch. Nile and Mike were still outside. Kuchel's stew is even better than usual for some reason. Or maybe It’s because Levi is just really hungry.

“You’re eating like a monster.” Hanji says amused. “The food is not running away you know.”

As always, she’s leaning her shoulder with Mikasa's. It is absolutely crazy how they always manage to touch each other as soon as they’re together. It's like they're standing up to the world together. Levi knows it’s a way to reassure themselves. The physical contact is a way to remind them that they’re still alive and still together. Something that they’ll never take for granted. Levi does not want to witness the day this disappears. He dreads the idea.

Nifa, at the table next to them, had asked Eren how was the school in the City. He speaks slowly as always. Eren was never in a hurry because in the City he used to have all the time in the world. Levi was accustomed to speed, he lives in a hurry, when he’s here or outside, because he knows his time is running out, that going slowly outside means dying.

“We studied contemporary literature, writings after the epidemic.” He says. “Mathematics. Science, such as biology, physics, chemistry. We had only one history class, which wasn’t of use, since it was devoted to praising the city. How the first leaders had taken their courage to protect the people by building these walls before it was too late and had saved humanity. We weren’t taught anything about what happened before contamination.”

“Why?”

People were very fond of hearing Eren talk about the City, so they’re usually silent when he’s speaking about the subject. Levi's voice surprises everyone. if the faces they’re pulling at the fact that Levi gets involved in the conversation, is anything to go by.

Eren looks up from his stew to meet Levi's eyes. If he is surprised that Levi spoke to him in public, he doesn’t show it.

“We were not told the reason. When I asked one of my teachers once, he told me that it was to prevent people from being too nostalgic about that time. Our leaders apparently wanted us to focus on the future, not on the past.”

“But we learn mistakes from the past. We can’t build a future without analyzing and understanding the past.” Levi frowns. “It’s stupid to cut ties with the past.”

Levi was used to attracting attention, but the attention that was being paid to him here was of a new kind. The eyes of others move from Eren to Levi with an expression close to amazement.

Eren half-smiles at Levi's words, not paying attention to the sudden attention they are given. Sure, they knew a piece about the mistakes of the past, between them.

“I agree. I talked to one of my teachers. He was a little ... rebellious. When he spoke to us, we felt that he did not completely agree with the system. And after a few ... discussions, I realized that he was not convinced of the ideologies at all. He said that the story before the epidemic was not told to prevent people from wanting more freedom as before and to assimilate our system to other regimes.” He says. Slender fingers come up to brush soft caramel locks behind his ears. “They called them totalitarian regimes. Where people were controlled and monitored at all times, with very strict laws, very hard, exaggerated punishments, law enforcement using method ... not really soft, an ideology that is inculcated from an early age and propaganda used massively. There has never been an election. They even implanted chips to know our energy needs.”

“And our location.” Hanji's voice joins. Her eyes fixed on the table; she raises her head when the silence reigns over the room. “That's how they knew I was going outside without permission. The chip also served as a tracer. You knew that right?” She asks, turning to Eren.

Eren’s face drains from colors. He shakes his head.

“No.” He chokes out. “Excuse me.” he stands up from the table.

If Levi had been his friend, he would have run after him. Something was obviously wrong. Armin gets up quickly and disappears into the hallway after Eren.

Levi casts a questioning look to Hanji.

“What just happened? He does not have his chip anymore, does he?”

Hanji shakes her head.

“No. He took it out himself when he was banished.”

Levi sighs shaking the images of Eren, alone in an empty house, chased by the zombies, carving himself to cut the last link that bound him to the City, out of his mind.

Levi lets his eyes drift down the hallway through which Eren had disappeared. He is already planning to get up in the middle of the night.

**

Levi did not find Eren in the headquarters that night. He ignores the disappointment that settles in his stomach. For once he needed to talk to him and he was not there. Too bad, he would go out alone then.

He climbs to the roof in complete silence. He walks to his favorite spot up there. There, he tenses as he feels presence beside him. He takes a step back willing his eyes to adjust to the darkness faster so he can be ready to fight. A hand grabs his arm to prevent him from tumbling off the roof.

“Calm down, it's me.” Eren says.

Levi, his heart pounding, punches him on the arm.

“Are you out of your mind? Why did you come here alone? It's dangerous! what if you had fallen on zombies?”

“Stop yelling and sit down, you'll fall off the roof.”

Levi, takes a deep breath willing his heart to calm down. He sits down over the edge, letting his legs dangle in the air.

“You're crazy! I should never have brought you here; you're just an idiot and you—”

“It's cute to worry about me.”

Levi’s words die down in his throat as he realizes what Eren said.

“I’m ... I'm not worried about you, you stupid…. Idiot… I'm just thinking of myself if Kenny learns that you got killed because I showed you how to get out of the base.” He is not worried about anyone. Definitely not.

“Stupid, Idiot.” He hums. “That's redundant.”

“Shut up.” Levi could have sworn Eren was smiling in the dark. “What are you doing here? Why did you not wait for me?”

The clouds disappear as they finally sit. The night becomes very clear with the full moon in perfect view.

“I could not sleep at all, so I came here.”

“How long have you been here then?”

“I lost track of time. I needed to think.”

Levi turns his head to Eren. He had brought his knees against his chest. Levi notices how he always does that when he’s vulnerable. As a way to protect himself. He hates how he knows those things. Eren is looking straight ahead, the horizon stretching as far as the eye could see. The forest on their right, old buildings on their left, lands in front of them and Levi right beside him.

“Do you want to ... talk about it?” He says to break the silence that has settled between them. He’s already cringing at the mere suggestion.

Talk to Levi. Confide in Levi. _It’s stupid, he would never want to._

 _Whatever_ ... was that not what they had been doing in recent weeks anyway?

Levi is a bit tyrannical. He knows it. People often avoided discussing polemics with him. Levi always has something to answer so no one wants to waste time with him. Eren is not like that. Eren always has something to say as well, he refuses that Levi would have the last word so easily. They could argue on a subject for hours and even though none of them would change his mind at the end. Eren knows Levi's point of view on many more things than the majority of the people on that base now. Because he comes looking for him on these grounds. Nobody had ever bothered to argue with him, except Kenny, Petra or Mikasa.

The result was that Eren now knew a lot more about Levi. Not about his life or his relationships with others or his plans for the future or that sort of thing, but about how his mind works, his views, his values and his struggles.

Sometimes, they drift on more personal aspects. Eren wraps his arms around his knees to protect himself and Levi knows that he’s going to evoke his past or painful memories. Like he is right now.

“I'd like to forget sometimes,” he whispers as if saying it out-loud is too painful for him. “I would like to forget my life there, what happened there.”

Levi is silent as Eren speaks. He listens to the softness of his voice. Lulling, slow and small just for Levi to listen. Private.

“My sister used to go outside. She did it several times. It was different from Mikasa and Hanji, because I do not think she had anyone outside. She would have told me about it. She just loved ... being free. See what it’s like outside these walls. She was an adventurer.” Levi watches how his face softens at the memory of his sister. “One day, she fell very sick. It was then that the Guards came to arrest her, for treason. Because she went outside and they knew about it. They had enough to cure her illness. Instead, to punish her for going outside without permission...”

Eren's jaws tensed.

“They let her die.” His voice breaks. Levi watches the way his fingers hook around his knees and tighten the hold, digging on his flesh. He watches his quivering lips and his vulnerable expression.

Levi felt his heart squeeze inside his chest. He had never had a blood brother or sister, but he had already lost Furlan. The mere thought that such a thing would happen to Armin, Mikasa or Hanji is terrifying and enough to make him nauseous. He knows what it’s like to lose people you love. He knows the void they leave behind. He knows how much it hurts. He especially knows how hard it is to fill the gaping hole of loss.

The mere thought that the City authorities let Eren's sister die as a punishment for going outside the Walls was outrageous. Levi would have wanted to kill them with his bare hands one by one and destroy their system to the last stone.

“I never ... never really understood how they knew she had gone outside. I assumed she had been betrayed by one of the people who helped her get there. I never thought that the chips to ensure our so-called "needs" were _tracers_.” Eren clenches his fists. “They controlled us to the very end.”

Levi kept silent. He did not know what to say. He wasn’t good at this. He’s not good with talking about such serious things.

“That’s horrible.” He finally says. “I would have gone crazy if I were you.”

Eren lets out a humorless laugh.

“Why do you think I was banned then? I did become crazy.”

He looks so sad and vulnerable. He who always surrounds himself with protective barriers, who seemed so impassive towards everyone, drops the mask again with Levi.

Levi does not insist. He doesn’t ask him what he had done to be banned. Everything in its time. Eren had shared enough for tonight.

“Hanji told me that you took off your tracer yourself.” He says instead.

Eren nods.

“It's courageous.”

This time, he shakes his head.

“I did not want to be connected to the authorities there anymore. I did not want them to have traces of me anymore. The thought that they could have the slightest control over me drove me crazy.”

“It's still brave. Was it easy to remove it alone?”

Eren raises an eyebrow with a sarcastic smile.

“I have a very charming scar that shows that I did well not to become a surgeon.”

“Where?”

Eren slowly pulls his arms off his knees and unfolds his legs. Even more slowly and hesitantly he seizes Levi's hand in his, locking their eyes.

Levi holds his breath. He doesn’t understand how it is possible to fascinated with the beauty of someone’s eyes. What’s so special about them that has him this fascinated, that he doesn’t know. He stares so intently into those emerald eyes that has Levi captivated.

It is the first time that Eren really touches his skin of his own free will. And for something other than to hit him, that goes without saying. He had made progress lately. He always takes Levi by the elbow to get up here. Earlier, he had caught him by the arm so that he would not fall. Now he had grasped his hand to bring it to his shoulder.

With his free hand, he brings Levi's fingers to a point just below the junction between collarbone and shoulder. Trying to control his breathing and the beating of his heart, Levi gently brushes Eren's skin. There is a rough line of about three to four centimeters but the rest is just smooth soft skin.

“With what did you do that?” He says, barely containing the strain in his voice. He flexes his fingers, skimming over the cut, brushing. Eren’s skin is warm and soft under his touch. He feels the goosebumps rising under his fingertips.

“A knife that I found in the kitchen of a house.”

Levi caresses the scar with his thumb, fascinated. When he realizes that his gesture could be misinterpreted and that Eren had already taken a big step in allowing this contact, he takes off his hand. The tips of his fingers tingle from the loss.

They lapse into a comfortable silence. Levi watches the rise and fall of Eren’s chest. They way the gentle wind pushes his hair out of his face. The way his eyes glow under the moonlight. The way he bites his lips lost in thoughts.

“Thank you,” Eren whispers eventually.

“For what?”

“Not to be completely the asshole I thought you were.”

Levi gasps offended. “Not completely?”

“Yes, not completely. It's already a lot; do not push your luck.”

“I am outraged by your lack of faith in me.”

“I take back what I said. You're so unbearable.”

The time goes by and the sky has softened to a lighter shade of blue, the signs of a new morning. Levi is sleepy but he doesn’t dare move.

“Isn’t it nice making the most of the morning?” He says, stifling a yawn.

“It doesn’t count as morning when it’s still dark.”

Levi rolls his eyes.

“Cut the sun slack,” He says. “We’re in the middle of the apocalypse. Its ass is trying its best far more than yours is.”

Eren's laugh echoes in the silence of the dawn. Levi begins to think that him and Eren are not doing so badly in this peaceful cohabitation.

**

Levi and Kenny had just returned from a new day of hunting. Levi flops on his bed with relief, fatigue burning his muscles. Erwin is still outside, watching over the farmers. So he’s alone and the silence is heavenly.

Silence that is interrupted five seconds later by a strident alarm.

They’re under attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! If you've finished this chapter and made it this far please do me a favor and leave me a comment! You have no idea how much seeing even one comment encourages me! I get even more excited to write and get the chapters out faster~ So don't be a ghost reader and cheer me up THANK YOU ❤


	12. Attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a double update because i'm late again :p Enjoy!

The shrill alarm rings throughout the base, almost deafening. 

They’re under attack. 

Levi jumps from his bed. He has to find the others. He has to make sure Armin is safe. Mikasa is able to protect Hanji, but Armin doesn’t know how to defend himself. Levi needs to find Petra. And Ilse. And the children. His mind races with the growing list of people he needs to keep safe.

His instinct is screaming at him that he must protect them all but his rational side pushes him to run to Kenny's office. The door is open and he rushes inside.

“Where?” He asks immediately.

Kenny is loading his guns.

“The surface. Near the farmers, Levi. We follow the protocol.” He replies.

_Petra is outside._ He shouldn’t be worried about her she’s an excellent fighter but he can’t help it.

Levi rushes out of the office. He stumbles on Marco on his way to the infirmary. They had developed a procedure a long time ago which they often update based on the number of armed people in the base. In case of an attack, Mikasa leads Hanji to the infirmary because she is their only doctor. She had to be safe and ready to receive any casualties.

Those who are able to fight go out by different exits to avoid being surrounded all in the same place and take the contaminated by surprise.

Usually it’s Mikasa and Levi from the west exit. Kenny and Tomas from the North; Mike, Nile and Erwin from the south. Hannes and Cis from the east. All others capable of using a weapon are already outside with farmers.

Mikasa is talking to Hanji by the infirmary door when he arrives.

“Surface.” He tells them. “You stay here.” He glances to Mikasa. “You’re still not well.”

“I… Will you be okay?” She reaches out for him, grasping his forearm in her palm.

Levi isn’t sure how things will go outside. If he’ll make it or not is up to the circumstances. But he still nods.

“Okay, be careful.” She says just when Jean bursts into the room.

He’s whispering to Marco in the corner making sure he’s okay before he goes with Levi.

Together they run to the armory.

Levi takes a mental note to mention the ammunition shortage to Kenny later. They’re gonna have to make more. He takes his rifles, daggers and sword as Jean wears his protective vest. They make their way to the west corridor.

“Levi!” Levi barely slows down when he hears Eren's voice. Eren hurries towards him.

“They’re here?”

“Not in the base. Don’t worry, they’re outside with the farmers.”

“Give me a weapon.”

Torn, he casts a glance towards him assessing the situation.

Levi could not afford to be distracted when he’s fighting and, without wishing to admit it, he would have been if Eren had been outside. Because he did not exactly know Eren's abilities. He can’t risk having him outside not knowing if he’s ready or not.

“No way. You stay here.”

He turns at the corner of the last hallway.

“No! I want to help, I can fight, let me out.” Eren insists following him.

Out of the question. He can’t trust him outside, not yet.

They’re at the bottom of the ladder. Jean is already starting to climb to the hangar.

Levi turns to Eren and thrust a finger into his chest.

“You go back there, _right now_.” Then he climbs the first steps. “If they ever manage to enter, we will also need people who know how to fight here, and they’re all outside today. Go to the armory, take weapons and distribute them among the others.”

He climbs to the top and stops to glance at him one last time.

“And protect Armin!”

Jean pushes the trapdoor and, after making sure the surroundings are empty, slips outside. Levi on his heels. Weapon in hand, they run to the gates. No one is there.

Cries from the kitchen garden snap him out of his inspection.

They circle around the building, together. Always work in pairs. Alone outside, you die. They finally reach the kitchen garden. Although Levi is used to zombies, his heart lurches in his throat with fright as he discovers the scene.

Half of the fence has fallen to the ground. Jean gasps beside him. Levi grits his teeth in anger. There must have been too many zombies from the back and the fence couldn’t stand the pushing. Especially with the storm and the muddy, slippery ground. They need to reinforce that.

There are dozens of zombies from every corner, surrounding them. Their comrades are grouped north of the field, a few feet from Levi and jean. They’re all back to back, weapons out. Except that, some people barely know how to fight. It’s the role of their guardians to protect them. They had never suffered such a huge attack. Not after the security measures they took, putting zombie traps around the gate and having someone on guard most of the time.

Levi stops just a few feet away. There’s no time to panic about that right now. He takes a deep breath and raises his gun. Carefully, he aims and shoots. Once, twice, three times. The zombies around Petra fall. They could only target the farthest or those who are sufficiently detached from the group of their comrades not to risk killing one of their own.  They continue to fire. It’s a good thing they’re trained well enough. The zombies start falling, but they’re still too many. Agitated coming at them from all directions.

“Impact in ten meters.” Jean says as he loads his rifle.

_Five._

Levi counts as he shoots.

_Three._

He puts the gun away not bothering to reload it and pulls out his sword.

_Impact._

In a few seconds, with skilled movements as fast as lightening, Levi cuts off the head of a zombie. He stabs his blade through the eye of another and through the ear of a third. 

_Always aim_ for _the head._

Jean gets behind him. Always back to back, protecting each other.

Levi could only hear cries, grunts, and sounds of metal and sliced flesh. He could see nothing but the dirty, disfigured faces of the zombies, their mouths stained with blood, their black teeth and their wild eyes, completely white, without irises, without pupils. He could smell nothing but the smell of death and sweat that stung his nostrils.

What was dangerous with the zombies was not so much their agility, as they always seemed a little stiff, but their number and their voracity. They attack with their nails, their teeth. They pull hair and arms, anything they can reach. They try to catch the humans and throw them to the ground to complete the work. They are hungry and Levi and his friends are their next meal.

Levi is a wisp. That's what Mikasa tells him. Too agile for anyone to catch him, too fast for the zombies to have the time to touch him, focused when he puts his mind into it. When he’s fighting, It’s almost like he’s dancing, performing a macabre dance. If Mikasa crushes everything in cold blood, with precise, steady, hard movements, Levi twirls with his blade. He leans forward, backward, slides sideways, could appear at one spot at a time and two meters away seconds later.

Levi is slashing through flesh, stabbing through brains, cutting. His blades are an extension of his body. He could barely feel the stretches of his limbs as he moves. When he’s on his own, when no one is distracting him, He loses the fear. Almost like he’s not afraid of anything anymore. Almost as if he is immortal.

When you’re living in a world that is no longer safe. Your heart keeps beating wanting to survive. Your fear of death feeds the darkest parts of your soul. You discover a part of you that you never knew. A hidden half, remaining in the darkness. And when it comes out, it offers you courage. Courage you need to keep going.

The zombies are collapsing one after the other. His friends are together in the center while Jean and Levi slip between the zombies, creating side-by-side breakthroughs.

A cry on his left, undeniably human, catches his attention. Ymir had been caught by her hair. She keeps trying to hit the contaminated’s head with her machete but fails. The contaminated is going to bite her neck. Levi pulls out his dagger from his thigh belt and throws it at its direction. The dagger stabs into the zombie's forehead and blood splatters on Ymir’s face who falls to the ground. Petra rushes towards her and helps her up.

She pulls out the dagger from the zombie’s head. She stabs again just in case and moves to kill another one.

There are only a few zombies left. Some persisted. Levi’s eyes widens and he freezes when he sees that others began to retreat. He succeeds in throwing his second dagger through another one’s head.

_Where are they going? Zombies are attracted by noise and human smell. How come they’re… Leaving…._

Levi is pulled out of his thoughts when a walker appears in front of him, arms outstretched towards him, grabbing. He ducks to the side and slices his head sideways. He turns, ready to stab the next one when he comes face to face with Jean who’s searching the enemy as well.

And suddenly it’s over.

The contaminated corpses litter the ground. All humans are stained with dirt, sweat and some are with blood. Levi hopes that nobody is bitten.

Anyone who is bitten is dead.

Levi averts his eyes inspecting bodies and faces quickly. Kenny has blood on his forehead. Petra is helping Cis as Ymir wipes the blood from her face. 

“Are you okay?” Levi turns just in time for Erwin to pull him in a hug. He nods pushing himself away.

“Where is Nanaba?”

Nanaba, Hanji's friend and one of the guards was not among the humans in front of them. 

Erwin shakes his head, his expression hardened. Levi feels bad for Mike as Nanaba was one of the people he came with.

“She was attacked first. She launched the alert and...”

Levi closes his eyes. Another loss.

He retrieves his dagger stuck in the skull of one of the zombies. He lets his eyes roam for a second. It was a man possibly in his twenties. Blonde, with dirty hair. It could have been Levi if he wasn’t lucky enough. Levi avoids lingering on their faces when he’s fighting. These beings had been people once. But now, they’re not. They have no emotions, no memories, no humanity.  

Levi had learned to detach his emotions when killing them. He had to. You can’t feel pity for a zombie child or else you die.

Kenny orders Moses and Carla, two of the farmers, to recover Nanaba’s body. He then asks Erwin and Tomas to accompany them. Everyone waits for them to return before heading to the entrance of the base. 

Levi watches the direction of the trees where some of the zombies had disappeared. He’s then interrupted when he sees Nanaba’s dead body being carried in front of him. She had lost an arm, half her insides are hanging by her sides. His eyes meets her lifeless ones; wide open and lips parted in a silent scream. He looks away swallowing the bile in his throat. Nile pats him on the back when he notices him.

Him and Levi know each other well. Nile knows how unbearable it is for Levi to see one of them die. It’s hard for everyone, but Levi sometimes makes it a "personal mission" to be responsible for everyone according to Nile. He gets it from Kenny.

As they disappear, one after the other by the trapdoor, Levi looks around him one last time. The mass of corpses of zombies is visible, even at a hundred meters. They need to clean that up. The vegetable garden had been damaged throughout the northern part. Kenny asks Levi and the other guards to help him with putting the fence back up.

Levi and Kenny are the last to return as they go around the base making sure the fence is solidly standing. The group moves silently towards the headquarters. They should all go to the infirmary first, but for now it is necessary to reassure others, to embrace the families and loved ones, to assure them that they’re alive.

A low buzz comes from the headquarters. Everyone is gathered in the center. Cries are heard when they reunite. The fifteen or so people who remained inside rush towards the survivors. Levi sees Petra burst into tears in her mother’s arms. Little Marcel runs to his father Nile. Connie pats Erwin's back as they sit together. Mikasa is with Hanji already. Marco jumps in jean’s arms almost knocking them down. His legs tightens around jean’s waist and he hides his face in the crook of jean’s neck. Levi looks down to his feet.

Levi… Levi is all alone. He swallows through the emotions rising up at the sight of people reuniting. Kenny is busy he has no time for this.  

He turns to walk away when a form of blond hair crashes against him. 

Armin.

No, Levi is not alone.

“It’s okay buddy, I'm fine.” Armin nods, not loosening his grip.

“I was so scared.” He looks up at him with his sparkling light blue eyes.

Levi rubs Armin's back. The blonde finally releases his grip and suddenly stands on his tiptoes to look around.

“Eren!” He yells when he sees him. “He's here!” He excitedly announces.

Levi turns around just in time to find himself face to face with Eren. He looks up in spite of himself, raising his head as the youngest is closer and taller than him. Eren's green eyes quickly inspect him up and down, as if to verify that he still in one piece.

"Hi," Levi says with a faint smile. “Apparently, you're not going to get rid of me yet.” He curls his hands behind his back.

Eren nods his head vigorously. He seems relieved, more than Levi had ever seen him be. He raises his hand hesitantly and pats Levi’s shoulder three time. Levi begins to laugh at the awkwardness of the gesture.

“Is that your way of telling me that you're happy that I'm alive? Cause it sucks.”

Levi’s smile is bright on his face when Eren blushes looking away.

“You're a moron.”

He freezes when Eren pulls him in a hug. Very quickly. He pulls Levi against him with one hand on his shoulder. In three seconds it’s over. Levi is stunned in silence, eyes wide, then he smirks.

“We'll have to work on your definition of hugs. Armin makes good hugs, you should ask him to teach you.”

Eren rolls his eyes. Armin jumps on Levi’s back, who grabs his legs to steady him.

“Can you not do that?” He winces at the weight on top of him.

Armin giggles against him. “Let me enjoy this while I can, soon I’ll be taller than you and this wouldn’t be possible anymore.”

Levi scoffs threatening to let go but Armin hangs on even tighter.

“Besides you’re not giving me attention with Eren here. I’m jealous.”

Levi glances at Eren who's smile fades at once. His stomach drops thinking it was what Armin insinuated.

_Is he mad?_

“You're hurt.” He says instead. He raises his hand and points to Levi's neck. 

Levi lowers his head, but he sees nothing. Hands caught by Armin's legs, he could not touch either. Eren presses his thumb against the wound.

“Hey! That hurts, why did you do that?”

“To show you that you are bleeding and that you have to go that treated, idiot.”

Eren then frowns and a flash of worry crosses his face.

“Raise your head up.”

Armin, alarmed by his friend's tone, drops down from Levi's back, who obeys Eren's request. 

Slender cold fingers skim over his neck and Levi flinches, surprised. The world is walking on its head today. The zombies are attacking in a pack, Connie had just given him a smile and Eren is touching him several times in the space of a few minutes.

Eren finally breathes a sigh of relief and steps back.

“It's not a bite. I don’t think so, anyway. You’re just scratched. Go show that to Hanji though.”

He gives Levi a suspicious look as he sees his bright smile.

“May I know why you're smiling like that?”

“Aww! You’re worried about me.” Levi teases, raising an eyebrow.

Eren folds his arms over his chest. His cheeks dusted a beautiful rosy shade.

“No. I just did not want you to infect everyone if you had been bitten.” He narrows his eyes holding his chin up.

“You are worried about him, though” Armin says matter-of-factly, grabbing both of them by the arm and dragging them to the infirmary, where the others are. “Eren and I were a bit like the family waiting for the soldier at home, you see. The soldier being you, of course.”

Strangely, Levi is touched. Nobody really waited for him when he comes home. Hanji waits for Mikasa. Erwin is often outside. Kenny is busy. Armin waits for him, yes, but only when he’s not in his bubble. When they undergo such attacks, no one really waits for Levi in particular.

Today someone was worried about him. Someone waited for him. Warmth spreads gently through Levi's belly at the thought.

“You waited for me to bring you a zombie head to decorate your room, didn’t you? Sorry to disappoint you, guys.”

Armin bursts out laughing. Armin laughs at everything Levi says and in this world, laughter is important.

Behind them suddenly, cries and tears were heard, interrupting the lightness of the moment. Levi stops in his tracks and closes his eyes for a brief moment. He knows this too well.

Kenny had just announced to the others that Nanaba would not come back.

“Is ...,” Armin begins in a small voice. “Who did not come back?”

“Nanaba…” Levi chokes out, smile fading. “We couldn’t do anything. She was dead when we reached the surface. She gave the alert.”

Levi feels guilt, fear and anger twisting his stomach, making him nauseous. A hand rests gently on his shoulder, making him meet Eren's eyes.

“It's not your fault,” Eren whispers, squeezing gently.

Armin nods in agreement, grabbing Levi and hugging him tightly.

“We can’t save everyone every time,” Armin says through the lump in his throat. Nanaba was one of the few people who he talks to.

The problem is that not being able to save everyone is too much for Levi. Who would it be next time? Nile? Kenny? Mikasa? Himself?

Levi slowly lets go of Armin. He clenches his jaws, shakes his head and forces himself to regain his composure. No weaknesses, not now. When he raises his head, his expression hardens. Armin and Eren are still staring at him, worried. 

“I know,” he says, impassive. “Let's go.”

Armin and Eren wait outside for Levi to be examined. Armin had already seen Levi half-naked many times, but he still waits outside too, not to leave Eren alone. Levi has nothing. Hanji carefully disinfects the scratches on his neck under Mikasa’s worried eyes. Marco is taking care of Jean opposite him. Hanji tells him to watch for the symptoms of the virus, just in case. Levi gets dressed when Cis bursts into the room without announcing himself. His brown eyes wide and alarmed as he runs his hands nervously through his brown hair.

Levi feels chills up his spine. Cis was of the reinforcements who had fought the Contaminated earlier. 

“Doc” he says, pacing around the room. “I- I think I have a problem.” 

He takes off his shirt and turns to show them his back. Hanji holds a hand against her mouth to suppress her gasp.

Above Cis's right shoulder blade is a bloody bite. Levi holds his breath gripping the chair in front of him.

Because he knows what that means.

“It's bad, right?” Cis’ eyes brim with tears as he looks at them.

Hanji pales at the sight but quickly tries to compose herself. She takes a deep breath.

“Luke.” She says. The name is strange to Levi’s ears as he’s used to everyone calling him Cis. “Can you come and sit down?” She’s gentle as she speaks. She takes his hand and guides him towards the chair.

The wounded man obeys, casting pained glances at them. Hanji spends a moment studying the wound. When she finally looks up, her face is somber. She takes off her glasses to rub at her eyes and sighs.

“Luke ... you were bitten.”

She gently squeezes Cis’s hand who chokes out a sob.

“That… That means I'm going to ...”

“….Die.” She continues, as he seems to not be able to speak. “I’m sorry.”

Levi would forever remember Cis's face when she said that to him. Lips parted in shock as silent tears stream down his cheeks. He always remembered their faces.

Hanji asks the others to leave. Levi complies immediately. Armin and Eren are waiting outside, as promised. Levi casts a glance their way before sliding against the wall. Armin kneels beside him.

“Levi? Levi, what is it? Are you okay?”

Levi bites the inside of his cheeks closing his eyes to hold the tears.

“It’s not me… It’s Cis.” 

“What’s… What’s wrong with him? Is he going to be okay?” Armin’s voice trembles as he speaks.

Mikasa answers in his place.

“I think Cis will never be okay again, Armin.” She says gently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the love on the last chapter <3 <3 You have no idea how much reading those comments means to me. Love you all and thank you again for supporting me and my work :)) <3


	13. Funerals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the lovely [Fizzyxox](https://fizzyxox.tumblr.com/) has made [This fanart](https://fizzyxox.tumblr.com/post/170159753838/eren-surrounded-by-the-night-this-is-from) for my story!! CAN Y'ALL BELIEVE I'VE GOT MY FIRST FANART AND IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!!!! Thank you so much for the art I LOVE IT <3 <3

“What happens now?”

Armin, Mikasa, Eren and Petra are sitting with Levi at headquarters. Petra has her arm around Armin's shoulders to comfort him. Armin seems to be everyone’s baby. 

It’s Mikasa who answers Eren's question.

“Hanji will inform Kenny. Kenny will inform the rest of the community. Every person who wants to will be entitled to a visit to Cis in the infirmary under the supervision of two guards, usually Levi and I or Kenny and Tomas.” She plays with the hem of her shirt as she speaks, eyes staring blankly at the ground. “The virus takes a little over a day and a half to spread entirely into the infected individual's system. More exactly, between thirty-eight and forty-hours depending on the resistance of the contaminated. Then, their hearts stop. It never beats again, yet they still wake up. This is where they are completely transformed into a zombie. Generally, we do not wait for the virus to spread completely, for security reasons. The life of the infected person is usually terminated at thirty-five hours, unless the patient requests it beforehand.”

The patient. The individual. The infected. Mikasa is speaking clinically. She always does that to get away from a situation that affects her. A situation that includes losing a friend. Another member of the community yet again.

“The attack took place around four o'clock so that means…..” Eren narrows his eyes. “Cis will be dead between three and five in the morning the day after tomorrow.” He says after calculating.

Mikasa nods dryly.

“That ... happens often?”

“Four times since I arrived four years ago. The others die outside; we don’t bring them back here.” 

Levi sighs taking his head between his hands. They had lost too many people. The memory of Furlan burns through his head. It’s exhausting.

“Is there any risk in leaving someone infected with the virus in the base?”

“The virus in its original form, which transmits by contact, has been terminated for a long time as far as Hanji has told us. Now you can only be contaminated by a bite.”

“No, I know that.” 

 _How does he know?_  Levi wonders, looking up at Eren. _Did he learn that in the City?_

“What I meant is, wouldn’t it be dangerous to leave someone with him if he ever ... you know, bites.”

“They do not really transform and do not lose their mental faculties before their heart stops, which is after more than thirty-five hours. Hanji has nothing to fear for now,” Mikasa assures Eren quietly, understanding what he means. She wouldn’t have let that happen if there was any danger whatsoever to Hanji.

“The physical changes happen in the first thirty hours," Levi explains to Eren’s confused expression. “At first they get a fever, and then their temperature drops sharply. They can no longer swallow human food. They sweat a lot. They start shaking. They hallucinate. They become almost blind in the last hours.”

“Zombies are blind?” 

Levi nods. 

“Yeah. Their eyes are very clear, almost white, their irises are veiled, you must have noticed. They can barely see anything. They have other, more developed senses. Smell and hearing.”

Eren’s lips part in surprise and he nods, pensive.

“When their hearts stop, they remain unconscious for several hours. When they wake up, they have no idea who they are; the last physical and psychological transformations take place. They are no more than the dead who seek to feed on their children, their families and their friends.” 

Armin covers his face with his hands, laying his head back. Levi, sitting next to him, reaches out to ruffle his hair. At seventeen, he should have to worry about trivial things, not the future zombie in the next room.

“I'll go see if Kenny needs something,” Levi announces. He pats Armin’s knee, sighing as he stands up.

Solitude. That’s what he needs right now. 

The others, who knew it, did not follow him.

**

The base is mourning, even though Cis is not dead yet. Mikasa and Levi do not leave the infirmary. They sit with weapons nearby, watching the unbroken parade of the community members coming to bid farewell to their companion. Levi and Mikasa are there to protect Hanji in case the transformation would happen faster than expected.

Levi tries to remain impassive before tears and goodbyes. He does not cry. He does not flinch. That's what gets him being called "cold" and "heartless" by some. Just like Mikasa. They were the pair of monsters who watch the condemned.

They had no idea what is going on in their minds. They did not know that Levi has nightmares of the faces of each of the people he had been watching at night.

Erwin has been ignoring him, glaring when their eyes meet, snapping at him whenever he says something. Levi has no time for this childish behavior. He’s too preoccupied by his dying friend. He goes out to the roof with Eren that night. Just for a few minutes to gaze at the stars together. Just for a moment to feel the quiet and peaceful night. Then they go back to sleep in silence. 

A day had passed. Cis is as pale as a ghost. All colors had disappeared from his cheeks. He’s breathing harshly. Chest spasming with every breath he takes. His skin is frozen to the touch. Levi can’t stand to watch him in that state but he still does his job.

After thirty hours, he begins to convulse, and white foam comes out of his mouth. He is struggling to recognize those who come back to visit him. His best friend, Ymir, stays by his side. Cis had no parents, no brothers and sisters, like many here. Levi knows it was for Ymir that Cis had not asked to die yet. They wanted to enjoy their last hours together. Mikasa, Levi, and Hanji stand several feet away giving them as much privacy as they can. Ymir and Cis whisper to each other as she strokes his hair and holds his hand.  

Nobody knows how to react, but Levi did not know if waiting until the last minute was the right thing to do. He would not have done it if he were ever in that situation. He would have preferred to die immediately rather than to make his entourage undergo the transformation. After all he’s just dragging time to lead to nothing but eventual death. 

Goodbyes drag on for more hours, everyone is crying.  

The last image that the community members have of these condemned is a horrible one. They’ll no longer remember him as who he was when he was alive. All they’ll remember is the very pale, convulsing, eyes veiling version. What’s left of their friend before he takes his last breath. Levi did not want that. He did not want to be remembered as that.

When the day comes and he gets bitten, he would shoot himself in the head before anyone finds him.

“Le..vi...”

Surprised by Cis's call, Levi stands up abruptly walking towards him. Ymir had gone away at the request of her friend. Cis tries to smile at Levi, when he holds his hand. He sits at the edge of the bed.

“Cis.” 

Everyone asked him how he felt. Levi doesn’t want to offend him. He is going to die, he is obviously not feeling well.

“I have ... something to ask from you.”

“I'm listening...”

“Will you take care of her? Please?”

Levi inhales slowly. Cis's eyes, already so veiled that they are gray rather than white, are focused on him, intensely. He’s shaking so hard his hand twitching in Levi’s grasp. He tires to push images of Furlan struggling alone before transforming. Not being able to see his friends one last time or say goodbye. He sighs focusing on Cis.

“I take care of everyone.”

 Cis shakes his head.

“There is ... something about you,” he chokes out with difficulty. “A force, a determination. As if you were ... made to survive here. Promise me that you will help her survive too.”

“I…” Levi grits his teeth. How can he promise him that? How can he even ask that of him of all people. But he can’t refuse a dying person’s last wish. “I… I promise you.” Levi stammers, taken aback by the request.

Cis closes his eyes and lets out a shaky sigh.

“Thank you, Levi.” He coughs dryly. Blood oozing from his mouth. Levi takes a cloth from the table and wipes Cis’ mouth with it. “Be happy. Allow yourself to be happy.” With little force he tightens his sweaty, frozen palm around Levi’s. Levi squeezes back, biting the inside of his cheeks to stop himself from showing any emotion whatsoever. He has to be strong for him.

**

Ymir holds Cis’ hand when Hanji finally injects him with the deadly substance. A concentration of poisons so effective that the infected dies in a few seconds. Cis contracts, gasping for a few seconds. He groans, his whole body spasming, his eyes rolling back, his mouth leaking of foamy spit.

Then it’s over.

He falls back on the mattress with a sigh, releasing his last breath.

He is dead.

It takes Ymir a second to realize what happens. She drops to the floor beside him, sobbing. She had restrained herself as she could when he was there, but now she cries heavy sobs, clinging to his frozen dead body.

Levi shakily steps out of the room in a haze. He’s always there to witness this but it never gets easy. He starts running. He did not care if it’s forbidden, he needs to run, needs to let off steam. He needs to breathe. It’s three o'clock in the morning, there is no one in the base awake at this time anyway. He runs, as fast as his legs allow him, to the west exit and climbs the ladder at full speed. He pushes the trap door without even checking if it’s safe outside. He doesn’t care right now. Let them come for him to kill them. Let them come so he can make them pay. 

He rushes to the ladder that leads to the roof and climbs it. He only stops when he’s standing on the edge. Panting heavily, he raises his head to the sky. For once, he curses its beauty. Nothing had the right to be beautiful today. His eyes burn with unshed tears.

When will this ever be over? When will they live in peace? When will walkers perish? When will humanity win against this? All these questions that he doesn’t have an answer to make him angry. He balls his fists by his side. His chest burns from the need to scream but he holds it. He can’t be that careless and attract more zombies here.

“Levi…” He hears his name being called behind him.

Eren is here. He didn’t hear him come up here.

“Step away, please.” Eren says.

Levi doesn’t look at him, doesn’t move. It’s funny how it’s Eren who came here and not Erwin. Erwin who supposedly loves him. Erwin who knows him well to know that Cis death will affect him. Or maybe he doesn’t know. Maybe he also knows the version of Levi that everyone else knows.

“He asked me to take care of Ymir.” Levi starts ignoring him. He wonders if she had let go of Cis dead body. He wonders if she’s still crying over him, begging him to come back. “They always ask me to take care of those who stay. Why? Because I am _born to survive_?”  He finally casts a glance at him.

Eren is standing behind him. He watches him with emotions that Levi can’t read, hands outstretched towards him. Maybe he’s worried, maybe he’s not. He still looks as beautiful as always. Levi is confused he shouldn’t be thinking about this. He ignores his hand.

“What does that mean? That I was born to kill? To see others die? That I save myself first? What does it mean to say that I am born to survive _huh_?” He screams, voice echoing through the night. 

Eren doesn’t say anything. Levi’s chest is heavy with guilt. It’s weighing him down whenever he loses someone, whenever he’s asked to watch over someone. Because he keeps failing and they keep dying. “Nobody is _born_ to survive, we do what we can with what we have, we fight, we live, we suffer, we love and we die. I survive because I have no choice, because I want to live. I do not have a fucking miracle survival recipe!”

His fingers curl around his hair in frustration. Why does no one understand that? Why do they all think he can save everyone? Hasn’t they learned from all the past deaths? He’s not a savior.  

“They are asking me all to watch over them as if I am never going to die. But the day when I too will die, the day when I too will be bitten who will watch over all those I'm supposed to take care of? Huh? Who?” A scream claws at his throat wanting to be released and he grits his teeth to stop it. His blood boils in his veins, anger making him shake. He looks up towards the sky and almost trips.

Eren grabs Levi's arm and pulls him backwards. 

“Calm down, please.” His voice is gentle laced with worry.  

“I can’t! How do you want me to calm down?” he jerks away. “How do you want me to—” 

Eren cups Levi's face with both hands. Eren’s fingers are cold against his skin but his hands are soft. Their eyes meet in the semi-darkness and Levi loses his train of thoughts from the intensity.

“You are different.” Eren says. So close that his breath fans over Levi’s face. “You want to live, not just survive. They are wrong. You are different.”

“And that's good or bad? To be different?” Levi whispers meeting Eren’s eyes. Eren’s face visibly softens at the tone. He takes a deep breath, shrugging.

“Neither good nor bad. You do not have to change for others or conform to their standards you know. Others admire your strength of character. I have seen it. They either love it or they fear it. They're coming to you because they know you can fight and they think you're scared of nothing, that's why they're asking you to take care of them. You appear to them as invincible.”

“I am not.” He looks down, feeling so small suddenly. He is not invincible. He is human. He can’t take care of everyone. No matter how hard he tries, they still die.

“I know.” Eren says softly mirroring Levi’s tone. Levi swears he felt him brush his cheeks with his thumbs but then Eren releases him. He loses his balance on the edge again and Eren grabs him by the waist this time steadying him.

“Sit down before you break something.” he shakes his head chuckling at Levi’s clumsiness.

Eren finally lets go and sits down, his eyes still on Levi who does the same. They gaze at the horizon for a long time, without saying a word. Levi tries to calm down. He tries mirroring his breathing with Eren’s. He closes his eyes at some point letting the night ease his mind. The cold breeze fresh against his skin. Eren’s comforting and calming presence beside him. It’s crazy how having him around is enough. He doesn’t even have to say anything.

“Thank you.” he whispers finally.

“At your services.” Eren nods at him. “Avoid climbing here without me. So I can keep an eye on you.”

Levi gives him a pale smile. He already feels better.

“You'd just be upset that I came here without you.”

“Maybe.” Eren shrugs. “After all, this is our secret place now, not just yours.”

Levi turns to look at him. The light of the moon casts a glow on his face that has his eyes shining. Eren combs his finger through his hair pushing it back. His hair had grown since the first time Levi saw him.

“I really am glad that we’re past hating each other.” Levi admits, nervously playing with his fingers. “I'm glad you're here, Eren. and I'm happy to have found you that day.”

Eren stares intensely at him. For a moment, he doesn’t say anything. But then he murmurs softly:

“I'm glad to be here too.”

And if Levi feels his stomach flutter a little, no one needed to know.

**

Funerals were the only occasions when almost the entire community came out of the base. Many still aren’t used to it. They watch the surroundings with fearful eyes despite being guarded.

Eren is one of the guards this time. Levi, who had arranged the funeral with Kenny, had asked that he be placed not far from him. Eren hasn’t seen a zombie since he arrived at the base, Levi still doesn’t know how he would react. He needs to keep an eye on him. For security measurement, obviously.

“Keep your eyes on both, the community and the surroundings,” Levi tells him as they join the east exit. Eren chews on his bottom lip nervously, nodding at everything Levi says. “Some panic. It has already happened. No shouting, no jostling. That's too much noise and zombies have good hearing.”

“Yes, sir.” He awkwardly smiles at him.

“Will you be okay?” Levi whispers so that only Eren can hear him.

Eren rolls his eyes. 

“This is the third time you’ve asked me that. I'm not a kid, Levi. I’ll be fine.”

Levi feels his face heating.

“I—I know that, but since you have not seen any zombies since—”

Eren grabs Levi' wrist to silence him. 

“It will be fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“I'm not worried about _you_. I’m making sure you're not going to put everyone in danger.”

Levi did not worry about him. No. He only worries about the people he really care about. So, not Eren. 

Eren smiles rolling his eyes again.

“Yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night.” he retorts, repeating the words Levi had said when they went out to repair the wind turbines.

Levi grumbles under his breath as Mikasa appears near them. Eren lets go of him. Levi instantly rubs the place where he had touched him.

“Erwin stayed inside.”

Levi turns to Mikasa narrowing his eyes in annoyance.

“ _What_? But we need him out here!”

“Connie had a panic attack so Erwin stayed with him.” 

Levi sighs in frustration. Connie freaks out on them every time he was asked to go outside.

“At least if we are attacked and we all die, there will be someone with a gun to watch over the kids.”

“Do not say that,” Mikasa scolds him, nudging him in the ribs.

The children had stayed inside, under the supervision of Anka, Tomas's eldest daughter. Connie and Erwin would be with them too. Levi had insisted that Ilse stays inside. Out of the question that a pregnant woman would be in danger. Levi hopes that everything goes fine or the only survivors would be four children, a pregnant woman and three young adults. The others would all be dead.

They take the garage exit so that everyone can go out at the same time. Levi, Mikasa and Eren are at the front of the crowd. They would be the first to go out. Rico and Nile are on the right. Tomas and Kenny on the left. Hannes, Furlan's father, and Eld, Connie's father, guard the back of the group. 

The twenty people in the center of the group don’t seem reassured. Levi sees Kuchel wrapping her hand protectively around Sasha and Hitch. They’re very close to each other due to spending time together in the kitchen as the cooks. Lynne, Tomas's wife, glares at him when their eyes meet and he looks away. She’s always glaring at him and blaming him for everything. The farmers, Carla, Moses and Kitz don’t seem particularly uncomfortable as they’re used to being outside. 

Mina, Connie's friend did not seem very reassured either. She stays close to Petra, who, although did not appreciate her, made an effort to be visibly pleasant. Anna and Pixies, the two oldest, did not seem to care about the danger. They watch the surroundings with curiosity, as if to see how much the place had changed since the last time they had come out. Ymir is in tears as she shuffles her feet through the dirt. Hanji carries Cis's coffin with Carla, her face blankly starring ahead.

Armin is right behind Mikasa, Levi, and Eren. Levi had done everything in his power to try to convince him to stay inside or back a little further. Armin had argued that since the people who mattered most to him were out there, he would be there too.

Nifa's father, Moses, had forbidden his daughter to come out. She was only thirteen, she should not be exposed to this. She had protested, obviously. Eren had managed to convince her. Nifa, who’s one of Eren admirers, had agreed.

Marco and jean had also stayed at the base at Levi's request, to take care of closing the garage door and opening it to them again, as every time an expedition was conducted. 

Twenty-three people outside. Nine inside. Levi hopes that the number of living remains the same today.

The field is deserted. They only have to walk for five minutes to reach the place where the burial had been planned. Eren, Levi, Mikasa, Tomas and Kenny had already dug the graves the day before.

Mike and Moses lay the coffin of Nanaba on the ground. Hanji and Carla do the same with Cis'. 

The members of the community gather in a circle around the coffins. The guards surround them, facing away, their eyes riveted on the horizon, apart from Kenny. Kenny is always the one to say a few words in honor of the dead.

“My friends. Two of ours fell, again.” He starts standing at the head of the group. “They died fighting for us. So that we can breath, so that we can live. Our lives will not be enough to show them our gratitude. They were young, full of life. May they find in heaven the peace they did not know on Earth. May they finally walk in the open air and under the rays of the sun. May they find all those we have lost over the years.” Levi sees Mike wiping his eyes. “I remain convinced that we will see them all again. We are suffering today the loss of our dear friends but the sky has won two beautiful souls. They will look after us from the afterlife as they have watched over us from here. They remain in our hearts and memories as the two friends we have cherished. Amen.”

Kenny believes in God. It had always surprised Levi. It was something Kenny had never managed to pass on to him. To Levi, if any God existed, such a massacre of human lives would not have taken place. The virus would not have spread, humanity would not be destroyed, they would not fight day after day to survive. Kenny speaks of trial. He speaks of courage, bravery and faith.

Levi shakes his head. Kenny’s God must not be a good one if he had sent all these atrocities to Earth.

Cis and Nanaba’s friends say a few words. Hanji had been friends with Cis. They have spent so many time together. He was her trainee. She reminds them one last time of who he was, tears in her voice. Levi casts a glance at Mikasa who clenches her fists around her weapon. She was not very close to Cis but she hated to hear the pain in Hanji's voice. Ymir barely manages to say a few words to Cis. She’s crying too much. Mama and Hitch eventually take her with them and she ends up on her knees on the mud holding her chest. Mike goes up next. He doesn’t say anything he just looks down at the closed coffin oak. Tears stream down his cheeks. He had loved her but never got the chance to say it.

Levi glances at him and swallows through the lump in his throat. He hopes to never fall in love. He did not want to go through this, ever.

To Levi's left, Eren's face is blank. He studies him from the corner of his eyes. He keeps his eyes on the horizon without looking back. Levi wonders if he was thinking of his sister. He wonders if he had been able to attend her funeral even. He had never really told him how she died and what he did afterwards to be banished from the City. 

It must have been serious. Eren was a member of the Elite; we do not ban a privileged simply for breaking the restrictions. Levi had never insisted to know more. It was too personal to Eren. If one day Eren had to talk to him about it, it would be on his own. 

The carry them from the coffins into the graves. They can’t afford to make other coffins for all the dead. Levi imagines how they must look under the white sheets, lifeless body gray and ashy. They do not belong down there. They should be up here with them. Instead they will lie here forever. Sadness engulfs him. He had shared his life with these people and now they’re gone. Ymir sobs as Cis’ body is lowered to the ground. She reaches forward as if she wants to touch him one more time, as if doing so could bring him back.

Everyone throws down a handful of down, saying a few words, even the guards, one by one. Levi steps forward and throws a handful of dirt into the hole in the ground. Breathing deeply the earthy smell, feeling the darkness below. One day he will lay there. Him and everyone he loves. He stares down at the wrapped body. He silently thanks them for everything they ever done. Then steps back brushing dirt of his hands. He blinks back the tears and puts his arms around Mike who shudders. He tightens his hold around him their grief pressing silently together.

And then the funeral is over.

Some would come back in a few minutes to properly bury the coffins. For now, the task is to bring everyone home. They all start the long slow walk towards the entrance of the garage. Marco and jean open the door for them. People only begin to relax once in the tunnels at the base and the doors closed behind them. They discussions on the way are a little brighter despite the sadness.

The guards accompany everyone to the headquarters. Eren, Hanji, Nile and Mike take shovels and head back to the exit with Mikasa and Levi. They have to go back to cover the graves. They do not go through the garage entrance this time but through the north exit. Levi goes out first, as always. Mikasa last. 

It’s November. It’s hot. Levi takes a spray of mint to sprinkle from time to time. Nile is sweating heavily and Eren had not taken any elastic for his hair.  Levi rolls his eyes at Eren’s carelessness. Mike, who had long hair too, had the intelligence to tie it up. Levi watches him. He’s silently working, eyes rimmed red and hallow.

Mike had joined their community with Marco and Nanaba eleven years earlier. He’s a few years older than Hanji. Mike, Nanaba and Marco were part of another community further south before joining them. They were only ten people. After an attack, the leader of their community had wished to migrate to the South. Marco, who was only five years old at the time, had lost his mother in the attack, the only member of his family still alive. 

Mike had always looked after him as if he were his brother. He had refused to go south when Marco was far too young to reach potentially more dangerous areas than the northern part of the country. Him and Nanaba had taken Marco with them. He was seventeen back then. Mike had carried him on his back tens of kilometers.

Until the day they had fallen on Kenny's clan. Levi had not yet discovered the base at the time. The community was still nomadic. Kenny had nearly shot Mike when he ran into them, recognizing them from a distance as human. Mike, Nanaba and Marco had been with them ever since. Marco growing up in the community with too many people isn’t as attached as Mike towards Nanaba. Their community consisted only of stories like that. People come from everywhere. Sometimes they had been together for years. One rarely leaves a clan once integrated, unless forced or killed. They are a big family. They always stay together.

That is why it is so much harder to witness a member’s death. They had lost Furlan seven months earlier. They lost Nanaba and Cis today. They never get used to it. Levi will never get used to it. He always does everything to protect those he loved and each death is a failure to bear.

“Come here,” Levi grumbles, motioning for Eren. His sun-kissed skin glistens with sweat under the sunshine. His muscles flexing under the movement of his shovel.

“What?” Eren tucks a lose strand of hair behind his ear when he hears Levi.

Levi removes the black cord that’s tied around his wrist. A bracelet he had found once in the ruins of one of the cities.

“Come, here. I won’t bite you.” He then smirks. “Not if you want me to of course.” 

Eren rolls his eyes then narrows them suspiciously staring at him. Levi tells him to turn back to him. He combs his fingers through Eren’s long hair pushing it back and pulls it into a bun. 

He purses his lips stopping himself from commenting on how soft Eren’s hair is under his fingers.

 _How is this life fair? Even his hair is soft._ Levi is offended.

Eren crosses his arms over his chest as he sees Hanji and Nile laughing at him.

“I feel like a doll,” Eren pouts as Levi finishes tying the cord. Some of his brown locks has come loose from the sides and he pushes it back behind his ear.

“Here, princess, go back to work now.”

“You should always tie your hair, Eren,” Mike adds, a hint of a smile on his face as he continues his task.

He knows what he was talking about with his long, blond hair. It provides a hold for the contaminated.

“Yes, gentlemen, a big thank you for your hair tips, I'll pay more attention now.”

“Do not complain,” Nile interjects, shoveling dirt “Levi is taking care of you. He does not do that to everyone.”

Levi rolls his eyes, smiling, before going back to scanning the horizon back to them. 

“Keep working instead of talking shit guys why don’t you.”

Mike, Nile, Mikasa and Levi are always on the outside. They know how to fight, they lived half of their lives outside. It was different for Eren and Hanji. Levi did not really like to have them outside. Exposed to danger. 

No place is safe outside.

Levi freezes when he realizes he is in fact worried.

He’s worried about both of them.

Hanji.

And Eren.

_Oh._


	14. Sunrise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the lovelies commenting and reading my story and supporting me, y'all are the real MVPs!! Thank you so much. Reading the comments brightens my day. I love you all!!  
> Also... I'm... On.. Time? XD Hope y'all like this chapter !!

Levi restrains himself from ripping his hair out of his scalp in annoyance.

It’s Marco who had suggested the idea that they start training the other members of the community. Levi had refused at first. After all they had promised people safety inside the base and that they wouldn’t have to fight. But then he thought about it. It was not a bad idea to teach other members to defend themselves. Some barely knew how to hold a weapon. This could be useful if too many fighters died or if the base as a whole was attacked or invaded.

Which is why he’s two seconds away from going bald. He had explained to Lynne four times that a bow _can not_ be held in that way, but of course she’ll never take advice from him.

Why is he even assigned with Lynne of all people? That he doesn’t know.

Fortunately Nile was there and he was more patient than he could ever be.

They had positioned two rows of four archers back to back, leaving several meters apart to fit those who were waiting or wanted to watch.

“Connie! The string won’t hit you I promise! Just pull it back to your face." Levi rubs his forehead, exasperated. “ _Unbelievable!”_ He mutters under his breath.

Connie grimaces and tries to correct his posture. He fails _again_. Levi approaches him and fixes his hold on the bow. He pulls it further back until their hands are under Connie’s jaw.

“Pull it like this,” he explains before returning to the center to keep an eye on the others.

Even though he’s annoyed at Connie he’s actually proud of him for making it outside this time. Despite the conflicts between the members, they’re still one big family.

“You look desperate,” says a voice behind him few minutes later. 

Levi does not smile. No.  _Absolutely not._  

“I am. I could never be a teacher. I don’t have the patience for that.”

“You would hit your students all the time.”

“Starting with you.”

Eren nudges him in the shoulder as answer.

“May I?” He asks, pointing to the bow, which Mina had just released. 

Levi nods. 

“Do you know how to use a bow?”

“Barely,” Eren says, standing on the cross Nile had marked on the ground. He looks up eyeing the target.

Levi purses his lips to restrain from smiling. He approaches him, excited to teach him something new. 

“Here, spread your legs the width of your shoulders. Angle of 90° to the target. Shoulders low and relaxed,” Levi begins, pressing on Eren's shoulders as he speaks, “Straighten your chest,” he adds, with a light prompt of his hands on Eren's chest, “Draw the string with a finger above the arrow and two under it. Just like that,” He approves when Eren complies, “The hand that holds the string should be on your chin level and the string should touch your nose and your mouth.”

Levi puts his hand on Eren's to place it properly. Eren stands still, when Levi presses himself closer, staring ahead.

“Breathe normally before shooting, without leaving the target with your eyes. Exhale during the release.”

Levi steps back. Eren lowers the bow turning to him with a smirk. 

“I believe I got it.”

Then, he repositions himself in three seconds and shoots. Perfectly. His arrow hits the center of the target.

Levi narrows his eyes when Eren glances at him.  He smiles smugly looking proud of himself. Levi hates him a little bit. He got excited for nothing.

“In fact, I still remember my classes.”

Levi snatches the bow from his hand and shakes his head before moving away from him.

“Get lost, show off.”

He hears Eren's laugh behind him. 

_Unbearable._

“Can you teach me too?”

Armin trots behind Levi, out of nowhere, a mischievous smile on his lips. Levi frowns. They must be failing miserably in reassuring everyone if Armin wants to learn how to fight too. Armin puts a hand on his shoulder rolling his eyes.

“I'm not twelve, Levi. I need be able to defend myself as well. I know we are supposed to be safe here but—”

“But you never know.”

They’re not really safe anywhere. They all know it. Although the base is probably one of the safest places for people outside The City.

Levi hands Armin a bow and an arrow. He hates seeing children, teenagers, pregnant women -  _Ilse_  - forced to train and fight for their lives. It was not like that before. Many decades ago, people could often grow up with no other worries than their academic achievements, spitefulness of their peers or the hardships of life.

But today, No one from the youngest age to oldest will ever know the true meaning of security. The slightest second of inattention is deadly. Levi had learned to fight so early that he feels like he had always been able to do it. He never moves without a weapon. He had never been really "normal".  

Not like the children or teenagers, he reads about in books. None of the people after the contamination had ever been normal. In exception to City people. Like Eren who had never encountered a zombie before his banishment.

But what is being normal now anyway? The concept, in a world populated by zombies, had evolved as well. Normal is being able to fight in order to survive. Normal is always being on edge and alert. Normal is being paranoid. Some, within the base, forgot about that. They feel safe here. Some had not been out for months, others years. They take pleasure in the comfort they have here. They remember that this security is just an illusion only during attacks or deaths. Then, they remember what it’s like to be alive outside of the City. What’s it like to live in constant fear, prisoners underground.

Levi, however, never forgets. He goes outside every day. He sees the ruins of a life he’ll never have. He sees what’s left of humanity after the apocalypse.

He never forgets the world in which they live in.

He taps on Armin’s shoulder, who smiles at him, and proceeds to help him get in position.

**

Eren and Levi had been on the roof for hours. Levi realizes when the sky begins to clear.

“We should go inside.” Eren says while getting up. 

Levi grabs him by the wrist and forces him back on the floor. 

“Sit down and admire.” 

Eren glances at him then frowns in confusion. 

Levi chuckles. “The sky, you idiot, not me,” He says, then smirks. “Although I recognize that there is something to admire given my incomparable beauty.”

“Your ego will eventually choke you in your sleep.” Eren replies, blushing in embarrassment, as he looks up the sky.

Levi glances at him amused. Eren had not contradicted him. 

They sit near each other lapsing in silence. The stars disappear and the sky begins to take on more colors, marbling with yellow, orange and pink. Eren begins to hum slowly. A tune that is unfamiliar to Levi. 

“Isabel, my sister, took me to the wall, sometimes, to watch the sunrise. She always hummed that song. She said she likes to welcome the sun with music, because it had the right to a good morning too.” He explains in a murmur, when he notices that Levi is frowning at him.

“Your sister sounds cool.”

Eren nods, smiling sadly at the sky. He sighs.

“She was.”

Levi gently puts a hand on his shoulder. He’s about to take it off when Eren covers it with his. Eren did not really like talking about himself or his emotions. He did not like being vulnerable, like Levi. In their world, to be weak or show weakness is to die. 

That did not mean he had to be alone when he’s going through tough times. Not wanting pity does not mean wanting to be alone. Levi had understood it with Eren. The few times Eren had really said more about his life, about Isabel, his old friends, his family, Levi had listened in silence. Often, he would pat him on his shoulder to tell him that he was there for him. That he’s listening. But he would take his hand off quickly. He did not want to make him uncomfortable. 

Except this night. This night, Eren takes Levi's hands into his. Just for a few seconds. Just for a moment, he squeezes it. Then he lets go, without taking his eyes off the horizon before him. The sun is rising beautifully on the sky.

“Look! Here comes the sun. I haven’t seen the sunrise in like six months.” He’s smiling so brightly that Levi wonders if it shines brighter than the actual sun. Maybe he has gone crazy. He really needs to go to sleep. Since when does he feel this kind of emotions?

Levi had seen hundreds, thousands of sunrises when he was alone here.

This morning he does not watch the sun. Eren's eyes sparkle, looking greener than usual. Brighter with yellow sparks. His skin glows under the pink and orange rays. How can someone be fascinated with eyes this much.

Eren isn’t the most attractive person that he had ever seen. But he has something that makes Levi feel some type of way when he sees him. Even if he doesn’t admit it to himself. Eren is still gorgeous whether he liked it or not.

This morning, Levi observes a beauty of a different kind than a sunrise. 

He does not know which fascinates him the most.

**

Levi stirs awake from his sleep when he feels lips on his bare shoulders. Soft breath puffs hot against his skin. A warm heavy arm snugs him close across his chest. Levi sighs opening his eyes then squints at the brightness of the light above him. Erwin kisses his collarbones and his warm palm trails down Levi’s chest to his stomach. His touch is feather light and it makes Levi moan his name in a shuddery breath.

“Good morning.” Erwin murmurs lips tugging into a smile then bites one of his earlobes. Levi feels goosebumps rise up his skin as he softens under the touch.

He blinks through the sleepy haze and he realizes what Erwin is doing. It does feel good but he shouldn’t be doing this. Not if he wants Erwin to lay off his back. He’s an asshole for keeping this up knowing Erwin’s feelings for him. But he doesn’t want to be alone. It’s too early to think about this maybe he should just let go.

“What's wrong?” Erwin mumbles when he feels Levi tense suddenly. “Are you still mad?”

He is actually but this is not why he’s being reluctant.

Levi pushes his hand away sighing.

“I'm not in the mood right now.” He says back to him. He curls his hands on the blanket tucking it under his chin.

Erwin chuckles.

“When have you not ever been in the mood Levi?”

He kisses his collarbones and Levi rolls his eyes groaning then pushes him away. He can’t see him but the silence that follow makes him itch to leave. He focuses on the ground glaring at his piled clothes. He should pick that up.

He feels Erwin collapse on the bed behind him, mattress dipping under his weight.

“You're still mad about that dumb argument?” Erwin asks. Levi can tell by his tone that he’s annoyed. He needs to get out before they start arguing. For some reason he always finds himself running away when it gets heated up.

“I just woke up give me a minute before you start with your drama please.” Levi uncurls his hands to rub his eyes. Erwin is silent for another beat.

Levi sits up ruffling his hair. He’s in desperate need for a shower he’s cold and tired despite just waking up. His nocturnal meetings with Eren are starting to take a toll on him.

“What's wrong with you? Why are you irritated by everything I do or say?” Erwin snaps, Levi can feel his eyes on him.

“ _Oh my god._ Here we go!”

“What you're mocking me now?” The weight on the mattress shifts behind and he glances back to find him standing. Erwin crosses his arms over his chest glaring him down.

“Erwin why are you getting worked up? What now, you're going to force me to have sex with you? I'm just not in the mood.” He gets up in turn. He doesn’t know if he’d do more damage by backing down or keep this going.

“You've been rejecting me. You won't even talk to me.”

“Okay go ahead. I'm the bad guy now.”

“Just tell me. Am I not attractive to you anymore or something?”

“ _What?_ ” Levi rolls his eyes again. _Can he be any more ridiculous?_

“Or is there someone else? Who is it? Who are you sleeping with? Is it Jean or Marco? Or maybe both I know you like to play!” Erwin smiles at him provokingly. Levi feels himself getting more annoyed by the second. “Who else is gay in this damn community?” He then mumbles to himself.

“Erwin if you're trying to make me angry it's working really fast.” He starts collecting his clothes from the floor. He needs to get out. This is getting out of line. “You know what?” He starts but then stops. He doesn’t have the time for his child like paranoia. Throwing tantrums every time something doesn’t go his way. “Never mind. I need a shower.”

“You're not running away Levi I won't let you.” He lashes out speeding to lean his back on the door, trapping him inside the room. “I'm trying to make us work and you're not.” He waves his hand between them.

Levi looks up at him startled. He doesn’t like not having control over the situation. Being stuck in the room makes him anxious suddenly. When has Erwin become this obsessed, this controlling? How did Levi let this happen?

“Wo do you think you are? You need to calm the fuck down right now or this won’t end up good for you. You can’t control me Erwin.”

Erwin shakes his head.

“You can’t always walk away on us.”

“There is no _us_ Erwin.” He screams throwing his clothes on the floor. “There has never been an ‘us’ at all. You just don't understand that.”

Erwin stares back for a second. He frowns looking down at the floor then back at Levi.

“You're just confused.” He says running his hand through his hair. “You're just not in the right headspace.” He nods to himself. “We've been into fights we'll get over this one as well.”

“Erwin you're not even listening to me.”

“Because you're not making sense. You've been spending too much time with that piece of shit he's turning you against me.”

“ _Oh my God! Erwin!_ This madness needs to stop. This,” He motions between them. “Needs to stop.”

Erwin gasps abruptly.

“What?” He looks at him alarmed. “No, no Levi please! You don't understand, you're all I have. You can’t just decide to break this relationship I won’t let you.”

The change of tone makes Levi frown. He’s getting a headache trying to keep up with his moods.

“What relationship? There's no relationship Erwin. We’re just fucking around I told you from the start.”

“You can't tell me that you haven't felt anything the whole time. You can’t tell me that nothing changed in two fucking years.”

“Of course! But not like that! You're my friend Erwin that's all.”

Erwin stands still then starts laughing.

“I’ve been friend zoned in the goddamn apocalypse!”

“This is not funny Erwin. Let's stop this and admit it. We're no good for each other and-”

_“Of course we’re good for each other.”_ Erwin’s scream rebounds on the closed space of the room. Levi wonders if they can actually hear them from outside.

“Stop yelling.” He lets out through gritted teeth. He feel his thoughts churn angrily inside his head, alarm bells ringing telling him to leave. “I have had it with you. Screaming at me all the time as if you're some victim. Trying to control me in every way possible. You never fucking learned to respect my boundaries. Look at you starting an argument because I told you I don’t want to have sex with you.”

“What about me? I don't understand why you don't want me. I have done everything for you to care about me the way I care about you. You only see my flaws. And yet I still love you and I still try to make you understand but you won't.”

“You can’t force me Erwin.” He grips kneading his temples.

“Why now? What happened now? You've been weird ever since you've been hanging out with Eren. You like the attention, don’t you? You’re disgusting.”

“ _Not everything is about fucking Eren!”_ Levi lashes out. “He has nothing to do with this.” He paces around the room then stops. “Are you actually _jealous?_ ”

The idea isn’t farfetched considering Erwin’s jealousy of every male Levi pays attention to.

Erwin continues ignoring him. “Either that or you have feelings for him, which— we should be having a completely different conversation then.”

Levi scoffs incredulous. No. He doesn’t have feelings for Eren or anyone. Him and Eren share a weirdly platonic bond. Nothing more. He can’t believe how Erwin is trying to make up anything but admit that it won’t work between them. Besides, even if there was something he doesn’t owe him any explanation.

“I should have done this way sooner. And that's on me and I'm sorry. I should have told you no when it started getting serious. I should've stopped this from getting complicated.”

_But I was scared_. He thinks. _I didn't want to come back to an empty bed. I didn't want to be alone. I'm selfish. I'm sorry._

“You're lying. You're trying to hurt me.” Erwin’s eyes fill up with tears and Levi’s emotions battle between guilt and anger. “We have been sucked into each other's lives. Levi you can’t tell me that. Levi _please_.” He steps closer and pulls him in a hug. “I need you.”

Levi tenses up in is arms. “This won't work.” Levi jerks off from his hold, shaking his head. “You're not listening to me. I don't love you Erwin and I'm sorry that you've thought that I did all this time but I don't.” He says softly.

Maybe he should be gentler delivering that to him. It must be hard for him. Not that Levi would know or understand. It took only a split second for Erwin’s eyes to change from sad and pleading to spiteful and colds as he glares down at him.

“ _No Levi! You can’t leave me!_ ” He holds onto his wrists when he attempts to leave.

A latent memory of somewhere in their two years together flashes through his thoughts. Images snapping into focus across his vision. Erwin’s shattered apologies echoing from somewhere in the past met with a dull pain.

He blinks back into reality. He had suppressed that memory, locking it away in the loneliest corners of his mind. A memory that he hasn’t told anyone about. “Let go.” He says voice inexplicably hoarse. He tries to pull away but Erwin’s hold tightens. Levi feels the beginning of a bruise on his wrist. The situation is too familiar.

It always starts with Erwin throwing tantrums angrily blaming his insecurities on Levi. He seems to be jealous whenever Levi pays attention to anyone that isn’t him. Even with Furlan, which is ridiculous. Furlan was his best friend, his brother.

“Not until you take that back. Levi please. I know you’re just trying to hurt me. Eren snuck in and poisoned you against me. You just need to realize that.” He says desperately his paranoia now fully realized. His blue eyes are wild and wide as they bore into Levi’s.

He looms over him boxing him against the wall. Panic simmers deep in his stomach as he feels his body heat up suddenly. Levi is painfully aware of their proximity and it makes him suffocate.

“Let go of me.” Levi hates how his voice wavers. He hates it for not being as strong as he wants it to be. He sounds panicked even to his own ears and yet Erwin doesn’t let go. He ignores him completely.

“You’re not running away Levi.” He says manic. His tone somehow frightening than if he’d been screaming. Levi even considers calling for help for a second. His pulse quickens in a rush of adrenaline and he uses all his strength to push him away. He's panting as he scrambles to open the door.

“You need help.” He spits before slamming it shut on his face. He leans over the door calming his labored breathing. He holds out his hands to find them shaking. Nothing makes sense to him anymore. He hears Erwin screaming behind him and his mind just screams at him to run away.

Half-naked with only his underwear in the corridor he walks towards Mikasa and Hanji’s room. Surveying the surroundings, he knocks repeatedly.

Mikasa rubs her tired eyes when she opens the door. Her Hair is ruffled from sleep and her face is red from pillow traces. She’s wearing one of hanji’s sweaters that reaches her thighs. Her eyes widen when she takes him in.

“What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head, rubbing around his wrist behind his back. He feels pathetic suddenly. He doesn’t even understand what just happened. He just knows that he’s scared and confused.

“Who’s here?” He hears Hanji saying softly from inside the room.

“It’s just Levi.” She tells her as she open the door wider to let him in.

**

Nile and Mike have been sent several kilometers away from the base with the Range Rover. They were asked to bring, for Armin and Eren, old electronic equipment they needed to reduce the energy consumption of the base.

Mikasa and Levi return shortly after them, their hunting day having been particularly long. Even though Levi enjoys spending time with Kenny, he still prefers to be out with Mikasa. The morning argument is long forgotten after a long walk outside with Mikasa cheering him up. A buzz coming from HQ alerts them. There is a lot of noise. HQ has always been busy, but not to this point, not at this time of day. 

Everyone is gathered in the center, when Levi and Mikasa emerge into the room.

“Okay… What is going on here?” Mikasa grumbles to him as she walks toward them.

Hanji, from the crowd, sports them immediately. She runs towards them, looking excited.

“There is a new addition to the community.”

“What?” Levi frowns, confused.

“A new girl. Nile and Mike found her and brought her back.”

“... Is she okay? Why is she not in the infirmary? Where does she come from?” 

Hanji puts a finger to his lips and pulls them away before they can move towards the gathering.

“She comes from the City, too. She's fine, she was banned only a week ago. She was just a little dehydrated and hungry, but she managed to feed on some plants she found on the way.”

Levi nods, peering at the crowd in the center. He finally sees the newcomer.

She’s sitting on a couch. Golden blonde hair, fair complexion, freckled cheeks; she looks like a porcelain doll. She seems fragile, all skinny, very small, a little lost. He can notice blue and purplish spots on her skin. Even Eren did not have so many bruises when he arrived.

_Eren._

“Does Eren know?”

Hanji shakes her head negatively. 

“He's with Armin. I don’t know how he’ll react so I haven’t told him yet.”

Levi nods. “I’ll go talk to him.”

Eren and Armin are laughing when Levi bursts into the room. He drops back on the mattress clutching his stomach.

“ _Armin!_ How dare you?” He lets out laughter dying down. Then he notices Levi.

Eren's smile widens. He looks happy seeing him.

“Levi! Come join us.”

“Nile and Mike are home?” Armin asks, pushing his hair away from his forehead. “We heard noises.” 

Levi nods, before turning to Eren.

“They brought someone back with them. A girl, from the City.” 

Eren’s smile fades at once. He sits up.

“Where is she? Is she okay?”

“Yeah, she’s in HQ.” 

Eren nods, not seeming to know how to react. He gets up from the bed and rushes towards HQ, Levi and Armin on his heels. 

The girl is standing when they burst into the room. Eren stops in his tracks when he sees her. His eyes widen as he stares at the girl in shock.

Levi did not understand, until the girl turns to see Eren. 

Her lips part in shock.

“Oh my—” She holds her hand to her chest. “ _Eren_?  _Eren Jaeger_?”

“ _Krista!”_

The girl's face lits up. They rush towards each other. Eren pulls her into a hug halfway in the middle of the room. Eren lets out an incredulous laugh, still in shock. The girl is crying clutching his shirt in her balled hands. He turns with her in his arms.

Levi feels his stomach twist in a particularly unpleasant way.

Everyone present has turned around to observe their reunion. 

They seem very familiar with each other. Who is Krista for Eren? His friend? His girlfriend? His family? Levi wants to know.

Levi turns to see Nifa, whose eyes are a little narrowed. She must be mirroring Levi’s expression at the moment, which meant she probably felt that same unpleasant feeling as well. Levi does not know if it is the fact that _she_ felt it or that he felt that is the most annoying.

Eren finally pulls away from the girl. He puts both hands on her shoulders and looks at her from head to toe. He frowns, his smile fading a little.

“What are you doing here, Krista? Why are not you in the City?”

She wipes her eyes, smile too big on her flushed face.

“Long story. Let's say that I couldn’t live without you, Jaeger.”

Levi did not like that at all. He doesn’t like the way he’s feeling at the thought of what these two could be.

Eren seems even more lost, but Krista does not pay attention to him anymore. She realizes by turning her head that all eyes are on them. Levi sees her blush from where he stands. 

“Did Hanji examine you yet?”

Eren pulls her out of her staring.

“Hanji?” 

Eren points to their friend with a nod. 

“No, nobody examined me. But I'm fine, I promise.” 

He shakes his head. He calls Hanji and Mikasa and motions for them to come closer. Hanji smiles at Krista and points to the corridor leading to the infirmary. The corridor which Levi stands by at the moment.

Eren takes her by the hand and drags her with him to the infirmary. He’s probably going to pass by Levi without giving him any attention.

Levi hates the fact that he hates this idea. He hates this weird feeling in him when he sees that Eren has no problem touching this girl. This girl who’s probably his ... girlfriend? What is she doing here anyway? Levi feels the urge to slap himself.

_You have nothing to do with this Levi. Get your shit together._

Eren actually passes by Levi and Armin. But he doesn’t ignore them. He gives Armin a nod to invite them to come with them. Armin complies but Levi remains standing awkwardly by the door. The nod was not meant for him. He doesn’t understand why he’s acting weird all of a sudden.

“Levi, get your ass in here!” 

This, however, is intended for him. 

He follows suit after Eren's _kind_ invitation. Eren leads the girl to the infirmary and makes her sit on the auscultation table.

“Hanji will check up on you and we will talk later. Is that okay?” 

Krista rolls her eyes.

“I'm used to doctors, you know. I’m not gonna run away. Can you stay with me though?”

She looks up at him from the table and reaches for his hand. Levi thinks of Eren when he first came here. Eren, who had a hard time letting Levi go to be examined. The girl had not only bruises on her skin, but also more or less recent scars. The dirty tank top she’s wearing shows red scars on the pale skin of her back.

Eren stays inside.  _They’re very familiar with each other if Eren stays without difficulty while this girl is going to have to undress._

Levi forces himself to stop thinking about it. Their relationship does not concern him in any way, for fuck’s sake. Or at least it shouldn’t be.

Eren re-opens the door to invite them in again a few minutes later. He looks angry. If Krista's scars were recent, Levi understands why. The girl did not go through easy times to get to them.

Krista is lying on the examination table with her eyes closed. Given the dark circles under her eyes, it’s understandable. Eren too fell asleep everywhere the day he arrived.

Everything reminds Levi of that day, nearly six months ago.

Eren sits down at the end of the bed. Hanji sits behind her desk and Mikasa props herself over the desk in silence. Levi and Armin stand by the door without knowing what to do. 

Eren puts his hand on the girl's ankle. 

“Krista?” 

She opens her eyes and smiles weakly as she discovered them around her.

“Sorry. I have not slept in a while.”

Hanji assures her that there are no worries. Levi does not speak. He just watches her. 

“Krista, I introduce you Hanji, the doctor, Mikasa, Armin and Levi.” He says pointing at each of them.

“Nice to meet you all. I’d kiss you but this mattress is the most comfortable place that I laid on since at least three months ago. If it does not bother you of course.”

Her voice is soft and gentle. Levi had to admit that she sounds nice. He’s starting to get an idea of who’s Eren been hanging out with.

“We'll find you a bed, don’t worry.” Hanji reassures her with a smile.

“The beds are so comfortable here,” Eren nods.

“Great,” she whispers with a sigh of content. She closes her eyes for a second then looks up to stare at Eren. 

She nudges his thigh with her toes, as if to make sure he’s actually there.

“I feel like I'm dreaming.” She says fixing the small pillow under her to sit up. “What are the chances of me finding men who belong to the same clan as the one in which you’re staying with? And to be honest, you're all very good looking people, so it increases the impression of dream.”

Levi lets out a chuckle this time, along the others. Eren did not laugh; his eyebrows are furrowed in worry. 

“What are you doing here? What happened?” 

Krista sighs and throws her head back. She hesitates but Eren insists. 

“After you were banned, I— I started asking myself questions about the system.” She starts, meeting his eyes. “Because of Isabel, you've always been a little rebellious but I was ... I always believed in our system, you know? I thought our leaders were doing what they could, always doing their best.” 

Eren nods. 

“I know, Krista. We had different opinions.”

“I was stupid.” She shakes her head. “When you were banned, I was mad with rage. It was unfair, it was inhuman, you never should’ve been banned.” Her tone softens at the last word. Then she sighs. “I started to inquire and started searching further. I ... I joined some groups, talked to some people. And I... I entered a protest group.” 

Levi did not understand anything. No more than Mikasa and Armin visibly. On the other hand, given the faces Hanji and Eren pulled, it’s serious.

“You have _what_? Do you know how dangerous that is? How everything is monitored in there? Especially considering your job, Krista, you should have never —”

“I know, Eren. I know. Gabi told me the same thing when she finally learned it.” 

Eren flinches at the mention of that name.

_Weird._

Krista continues unbothered.

“I just could not sit still, Eren! When I realized what was going on, I just could not shut up. I thought they kept the secret to protect us all and avoid putting the entire City in danger, but I realized that was not the case when Isabel—” 

Eren shakes his head to stop her from continuing. She smiles sadly at him then continues. 

“When you were banned,” she says softly, instead, “I was helpful to the dissidents, with my job. I was infiltrated at the highest level, where the information interested them the most. I was basically the capital to them. The problem is that ... during an extraction operation of the...”she glances at them sideways then resumes meeting his eyes. “ _Product_ I was working on... I was caught by the Guard.”

 Krista swallows looking down to her hands on her lap. 

“They wanted me to talk. They kept me locked up for weeks and...”

She closes her eyes briefly, her features tensing. 

“They weren’t very gentle with me,” she whispers. 

Eren clenches his fists so hard that his knuckles turn white around his knees. Levi then realizes where the scars came from.

She had been tortured. 

“My father... finally intervened. I had insisted that I know nothing of importance in the organization when I joined, so as not to compromise them if I were ever arrested. I did well. Because I didn’t have anything to say to the Guard, I did not know anything. My father ended up convincing them to let me go. Some wanted to condemn me to death, others to banishment. My banishment was pronounced few days later. Apparently it was judged that since I was so against the system of the Enclosure, I would be better off outside.”

Eren leans over to take Krista's hand in his. He brushes his thumb over her knuckles. She smiles at him, squeezing his hand. 

Levi is impressed by the strength of the girl. Were they all like that in the City? All like Eren and Krista?

“I was part of an organization of dissidents who had infiltrators in the computer sector. They had access to the data of your chip. I followed you for days on the map. When... When your chip stopped emitting, I thought—”

She clenches her jaw, making a visible effort to hold back her tears, batting her eyelids quickly. 

“I was given the last place where you were located. I had watched your journey on the map so many times that when I went out, I managed to find the place where your chip had issued for the last time. I came across some contaminated Hunters.”

Levi sees in her eyes that this is a moment she would rather forget. 

Eren’s jaw drops.

“I heard about them before being banned but I thought it was a rumor.” Eren says in disbelief.

“Huh?” Armin looks around confused.

“The hunters.” Krista says again.

Levi cocks his head to the side puzzled. _Who the hell are The Hunters?_

“What the hell is that?” Mikasa asks mirroring his expression.

“I assure you that if you've seen it before, you'll know what I'm talking about.” Chills rise up her skin and she runs her hand through her bare arm. “They’re the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever seen.”

“Hey…” Eren takes her in a hug when she starts shaking. “It’s okay, you don’t have to talk about this no one will force you.” He glances at the others knowingly.

Levi purses his lips. It’s not like they’re gonna eat her. He doesn’t have to be this protective.

She nods.

“Anyway,” Taking a deep breath, she relaxes when Eren combs her hair with his fingers. “I followed you. I almost got the house when two of your friends – Nile and Mike, I think? – found me. And here I am.”

Here she is.

**

Eren did not leave Krista until she gets settled in Ilse's room. It was Levi who had the idea. He did not like that Ilse would be so isolated after Furlan's death, especially with the end of her pregnancy. At the birth of the baby, they would probably have to relocate Krista elsewhere if the child's crying disturbs her but, for now, it’s the best solution. They can trust her if Eren trusts her.

Armin, Hanji, Mikasa and Levi are gathered in the headquarters waiting for Eren to come back. He had taken Krista on a tour around the base, had dinner with her by themselves, trying to keep away the nuisances that are clinging to her a little too closely- _Connie_ -and gave her some of his time for her shower.

It’s around midnight when Eren flops into a couch near Armin, who had fallen asleep and awoke with a start. Eren runs his hand nervously through his hair. He seems tired. He smiles weakly at Levi when he meets his worried eyes.

“She’s asleep. I hope she doesn’t have nightmares like I did. She did really well, she managed to enter empty houses every time and find plants to eat. Apparently, joining a rebel organization teaches you how to break into people's homes and survive outside.” 

He sighs covering his eyes with his forearm. Armin put a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, it's not your fault she's here.”

“Of course it is. You heard her; she joined the rebels after my banishment.”

“She got involved because she saw for herself that something was wrong inside the Enclosure and she wanted to act.” Mikasa says softly draping her legs over Hanji’s lap.

Eren nods sitting up. He did not seem convinced. His leg taps nervously on the floor.

“She's safe now,” Hanji reassures him. She runs her hand on Mikasa’s thigh when she settles properly with a sigh. “She is almost more so with us than in the City Eren and you know it.”

“I know that. Only… all these ... these marks on her body, her way of speaking...” 

Eren takes a breath. He absently drums his fingers over his shaking knee.

“When I left the City, Krista was the very image of the elite obedient girl who listened to what was said to her without questioning. I had always sought to see beyond, to understand how the system worked, why there were so many mysteries, why we hid from the population some crucial information. I was always a little against their methods and against the organization of the authorities. They had barbaric methods. It was Isabel who opened my eyes. She was in one of those dissident groups, too. She was part of the largest group of rebels herself. "Liberty" is their name. I was not ... very open to their ideas either. They were a bit too extreme for me, but let's say that thanks to Isabel, I stopped believing in the perfect little world to which the Central Authority and the elites, including my parents, wanted us to believe, and I started to think for myself...” Eren shakes his head, frowning, and then continues. “I had told Krista a little, but she did not want to hear anything. She said that these ideas will get us killed, that we had to trust the system. And today, here she is. Banned from the City for joining the same group of dissenters as Isabel, because she started asking questions after I was banned...”

“People change in seven months, especially when they go through difficult times,” Hanji says softly.

“I know, yes. We’ve both changed.”

Armin pulls Eren tightly into a hug for a few minutes to comfort him. This guy is the hugs pro. Only with the people he really loves, however, which can be counted on the fingers of a hand.

Mikasa and Hanji finally retire to sleep after having wished them a good night. Levi walks Eren and Armin to their room. Armin plants a drooling kiss on each of his cheeks, sarcastically.

“So nice of you to walk us to our room, Levi.” Then he glances between him and Eren who pretends to be interested in the wall opposite him.

Levi rolls his eyes before pushing him on his bed. Armin laughs, jumping under the covers sleepily asking him to close the door. Levi is sure he would be asleep in three minutes already.

Levi did not leave, however. He only had to wait a few more minutes before Eren's door opens again. He freezes for a few seconds, discovering Levi leaning against the wall on the other side of the corridor, then goes out noiselessly. He has his weapon on his belt. Levi was sure he was going to do something stupid; he had done well to wait.

Eren zips his jacket and they walk silently to their usual exit. Eren has recovered mint and they rub it on their skin and clothes wordlessly. Levi passes through the trapdoor first, as always. Nobody in sight. Instead of getting on the roof, however, Eren pulls him by the elbow to lead him outside the hangar this time. 

“I want to walk. I can’t stand to sit still tonight.” 

Levi nods. He understands. Besides he never moves without his weapons anyway, whether inside or outside the base. He leads them to the forest. The contaminated did not seem to roam in the forests, they would be safer there than on flat landscapes. 

“How did you know I was going out?”

“You go out as soon as something bothers you. You did this thing that you do when you're restless and you need to move. You always play with your fingers. Whether drumming on your knees or simply knotting them. I preferred to make sure you would not do anything stupid on your own.”

“Like going out alone from the base to go for a night walk?”

“For example, yes.”

“We are starting to know each other a little too much for my taste, if you’re guessing my reactions so well.” 

Levi casts a sideways glance at Eren. He’s said it in a light tone. But Levi can detect his seriousness under it.

“You let me in,” Levi shrugs. It’s true. 

Eren smiles this time, nodding. It’s cold. Levi realizes when a shiver runs up his skin. He hadn’t brought his jacket so he’s only wearing his T-shirt. The rays of the moon barely reach through the branches, giving the scene a somewhat mystical glow. 

“Who let the other in?” 

Levi did not know how to answer this question. Eren is the one who had asked him to live together peacefully. Levi is the one who had started joining him at night.

“It's not your fault. If Krista is there. It better be here rather than there, with what happened to her in the City.” He says instead.

“I know. And I'm proud of her, you know? She fought for me. This is one of the most beautiful proof of friendship that someone has ever did for me.”

_Friendship._  Levi hesitates to ask at first. He bites his tongue to stop himself. _This is none of my business._ But he’s too curious to let go.

They walk silently for few more minutes Levi mentally trying to convince himself that this shouldn’t be something he frets about. He rubs his hands on his bare forearms to warm them up.

“Are you cold?” Eren asks upon noticing.

“Huh?” Eren motions for his hands. “Oh, a little. It’s fine I’ve survived worse.”

“You’re stupid. If you planned this why didn’t you get your own jacket?” He shakes his head. “You’ll get sick. Do you want mine? I’m not cold.”

“You say that because you’re wearing it. And no then _you’ll_ get sick. It’s not that cold.” He lies. It is.

Eren reaches to touch his arm then scoffs.

“You’re freezing. I can feel the goosebumps you know!”

Levi pulls away. Why is he talking about this right now?

“Are you sure you don’t want my jacket?”

Levi lets out a laugh.

“No! I’m fine.”

They’re silent for few more seconds when Levi caves.

“So… Proof of friendship? Not love?” He regrets it the minute it comes out of his mouth. He hopes that Eren doesn’t pick on the fact that he has been thinking about this.

Eren turns his head to look at Levi, who pretends to not notice and keep his eyes on the ground as they walk among the trees, avoiding the branches. Finally, Eren lets out a laugh. 

“Krista is my best friend. Since I was eight years old, something like that. We lived in the same neighborhood, since we were both Elites.” 

Levi nods hating himself for feeling relief at the information.

“Here.” Eren says unzipping his jacket. “I don’t want you getting sick because of me. I don’t need to have that on my back.”

Levi rolls his eyes, exasperated. “Jesus, Eren! I won’t get sick because of this. Worry about yourself.”

Eren still hands it to him. “Shut up and take it.”

Levi sighs eyeing it before snatching it from his hands.

“Fine.” He says. He puts it on and it engulfs him in warmth. “Happy now?” He immediately feels himself melting under the heat. The jacket smells of mint and Eren. He zips it up to his chin tucking his hands in the pockets. “You freeze then. You asked for it.”

Eren eyes him for a second a smirk tugging at his lips. “I’m smart enough to wear long sleeves. Besides even your lips started turning blue. Don’t even pretend you’re mad about this.”

Levi glares in silence. He isn’t mad. He’s not cold and the jacket smells good. Too good. He inhales the collar, biting his lips. When has he become such a pervert?

_Why does his jacket smell so damn good? It’s the apocalypse it’s not fair._

“So… Eren Jaeger huh?”

He pulls away some fallen branches from the trees prompting Eren to go first.

“Yeah, it’s been a while since I last heard that.” He says, surveying the surroundings for any danger. “I think you don’t have ones here. Anna told me that outside the City the use of surnames has been dropped. In the city, they’re still used. This is how we recognize the people who belong to the same family. Parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, grandparents... You know to distinguish between social classes and for granting privilege.”

Levi nods pensive. In the City they have the luxury to have their family members around and keep their last names. Here you’re not even sure if you’ll survive the next day let alone have a whole family.

“Eren Jaeger. Sounds royal.” Levi remarks with a smirk. “Your royal ass sure as hell was spoiled. You were such a brat when you first came here. I’m glad you converted to our peasant life.”

Eren slaps the back of Levi’s head for a reply, which made Levi laugh.

“Rude!” He says then concentrates on the ground not to stumble on the branches or roots.

“You thought that Krista was my girlfriend?” 

Levi hears the loud alarm bells go off somewhere in his mind. He has been exposed. 

“Uh... M-My brain has issued this possibility.” He shrugs faking nonchalance.

“Okay.” 

He hears the smile in Eren’s voice. He ignores it. Just like he ignores the flare of relief he had felt in learning that Krista is only his best friend.

“I'm starting to believe that—”

“Watch what you're gonna say or I’ll leave you here.”

“—you want to keep me for yourself.”

Eren says it mockingly. He knows that Levi gets defensive when they start talking about his commitment to people.

“ _Obviously._  Who will I give as bait to zombies if I’m ever attacked during my nights out and you're not here?”

Eren laughs shaking his head when Levi starts walking faster.

_It’s just a weird platonic relationship… Right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New character, new data, I swear i love Erwin but it is what it is XD


	15. The Hunters

As he spends more time with Krista, Levi realizes that she’s actually really nice. She brings a dynamism and a wind of freshness to the base that did not blow for a long time. She gets on well with everyone.

Eren seems to be in a brighter mood when she’s around, which is rather surprising since he’s normally serious. Levi really likes her. And if it’s partly because she’s not Eren’s girlfriend no one had to know.

“Good thing I know you're gay, otherwise I would have expected you to marry her in the next few days,” Eren smirks when he sees Levi and Krista hanging out in HQ a week later. Levi has been really close to her asking her more about their life there and subtly about Eren’s life in the City. He wanted to know more about him and Krista is the key to that kind of information.

Levi stares at him unblinking for a second. Gay. Not any other insult. Just gay. He had even used “good thing" in the same sentence. It’s going to rain cows soon. The world is upside down.

But then Eren stiffens abruptly, glancing at Krista. Nobody had spoken to the girl about this yet. Considering Eren's reaction several months ago, they had resolved to let her fit in and get to know them before announcing it to her. It was weird for Levi, who had never had to announce this formally to anyone, but others thought it would be better. Hanji and Mikasa had not kissed in front of her; Levi and Erwin aren’t even on talking terms right now. Jean and Marco had been careful around her. Everyone is trying to avoid conflicts with new girl.

Except that Eren had just exposed them. Levi doesn’t really care he just hopes that he doesn’t lose someone he considers a friend because of that. Hanji freezes from her seat beside them. She had lived in the City she knows too well what it’s like.

But Krista, against all odds, laughs.

“What can I say, I'm exceptional.”

It’s only when she notices the faces turned towards her, as she raises her head that her smile disappears. Levi, Hanji, Mikasa, Armin, Petra, Eren and Ymir are waiting for the massacre.

“What? Did I say something wrong?”

No one answers. Levi rolls his eyes at their reaction. Worst-case scenario she’ll run away like Eren. So be it.

“You did not say anything. Did you hear when Eren said that I’m ... gay?”

He proceeds carefully nonetheless.

Krista's eyes passes around them one by one as she nods.

“Uh...Yes? Gay, means you love men, right? We don’t use that in the City, not in the Elite anyway, but I heard the word in the undergrounds.”

“They are normal, and they are good people, they are not different or weird or bad or satanic,” Eren cuts off in a rush, “they are my friends and they are not—”

Krista stops him with a hand over his forearm confused.

“Breathe, Eren, I know that, why are you telling me all of this?”

As the others are still staring at her, she frowns before realizing.

“Oh! I'm supposed to hate you, right?”

She shakes her head with a smile then shrugs. Eren's eyes are about to pop out of their sockets. Levi restrains from smiling at the sight. He has no idea what’s going on but he’s relieved.

“It's more common than we think in the City, actually. It's forbidden, but it's not like people respect the rules in the undergrounds. In the Organization, a lot of people like people of the same sex.”

Then she laughs, a little embarrassed, cheeks tinted red.

“The first time I saw that, I told myself that I would never go there again. I took four showers and locked myself in my room watching for symptoms of contamination when I saw girls. And nothing happened. When I received a notice of a meeting of the Organization, by coded message, I did not want to go.” She shakes her head. “But that's when your chip stopped emitting, Eren.” She leans over to take his hand into hers. “And I could not give up, right? I could not let you down. So I went back there. I forced myself for you. And I got used to seeing them. And I got used to talking to them, touching them, understanding that it was not another disease. There was a couple in particular, a couple of middle-aged women, who were part of the organization's leaders. I often dealt with them, I often spoke with them, I often found myself doing missions with them. And they were normal. They were great even, among the bravest and most intelligent women I have ever known. They were so strong; they loved each other so much. The day I told myself that their couple was beautiful, I realized that I had no problem with that.”

She glances up at Levi, then Mikasa and Hanji.

“You two,” she says, pointing to the couple. “I understood from the first day that you were together. It shows in the way you move one according to the other, your gestures, and the way you look at each other. I understood.”

She looks at Levi, who’s still stunned.

“You too, I understood, since Ugh...” She quickly glances at Eren then back at Levi. “Bottom of line, I understood.”

Armin bursts out laughing. Filling the silence that had taken place between them.

“She had you there.” He stands from his seat to high five her.

Eren drops against the back of the couch, crossing his arms over his chest, pouting.

“So, it's me who passes for the homophobic asshole who can’t adapt.”

Krista smiles and pats his knee.

“Oh Eren! You have adapted very well to what I see. When I met you in the City, you would never have sat so close to Levi.”

Levi frowns glancing at Eren. They are sitting on the same couch but they are separated by a good ten centimeters.

“Yes, Levi, we are strict in the city. When you stay in high places, it's easy to be ... narrow-minded. But we can all evolve. The proof,” she says, leaning to Ymir beside her.

Ymir had not said anything, so far, just watching the scene. So she was particularly surprised when Krista turned to her to plant a kiss on her lips. The others let out gasps. Eren's head is so comical that Armin writhes with laughter and tears, soon joined by the others.

“I’m sorry for forcing myself on you.” Krista giggles at Ymir who just watches her in surprise.

“Who are you and what did you do with my best friend?” Eren asks putting a hand on Krista's head.

“People change, Love,” she winks at him. “You should know better than anyone else,” She adds with a sparkling smile.

Eren frowns.

Levi couldn’t understand anything except that he loves Krista even more.

**

“Okay, I’m going to tell you guys about the Hunters. Have you ever noticed that some contaminated has more trouble getting around than others?” Krista asks.

Kenny, Krista, Levi, Eren, Mikasa and Hanji are in Kenny’s office. She had told them that she has new information she didn’t find in their records. Eren didn’t tell them anything at first when he arrived because he didn’t have access to this data.

“Yes. why?” Kenny replies, crossing his hands over his desk.

“This is because the virus, depending on its host, develops more or less.”

“Do we know why?” Hanji asks.

“No, as far as our research goes not really.”

Hanji’s scribbling on the paper is the only sound in the room. Mikasa and Eren are leaning on the doorframe, hands crossed over their chests. Levi is hovering over Hanji reading her notes.

“At this point, we can classify infected people into two categories,” She continues. “First generation, The Infected and second generation, The Hunters.”

“Why "Hunters"?” Hanji adjusts her glasses as she speaks.

“Because that's what they do. They hunt.”

What she says scares Levi. Because they have no data on those second-generation zombies. Because now they’re not facing brainless creatures anymore.

“It's as if the virus worked too well on them. As if it had put them into brain death without diminishing their capacities. They are able to act as a group, to organize, to hide and to hunt. They run fast, climb everywhere. They shout.”

“What do you mean?” Levi frowns.

“Like to call for help. They can’t speak but they imitate distress and shout. Human like sounds to lure us into their hiding places.”

“But why have we never seen one?”

“They don’t come out of the shadows. We don’t know if the sun is doing anything to them. We don’t know anything. We only know that they are holed up in dark places and in big cities.”

“Why?”

“They are more likely to find something to hunt in big cities than in forests. Well, that's what they think.”

“They’re able to think?” Levi questions.

She shrugs and it’s an answer that doesn’t suit him.

“Going out at night is definitely not a good idea,” She says. “Just like cellars, tunnels... and all the places in which they could hide.”

“What do they look like?” Hanji asks.

“They are blind,” Krista replies. “Their eyes are white, their skin is pale you know just like the others... But you know the scariest part?” She meets Levi’s eyes and he can read fear in hers. “Unlike the regular contaminated, they don’t look dead.”

**

Levi wakes up in morning with a horrible headache and dry throat. He gets up with difficulty. Every muscle is sore. He has been feeling weak the whole time but he just ignored it. It seems to get worse as the day go by. He’s late when he arrives at the cafeteria, everyone is already having lunch. It had been a while since Eren sat at their table. Eren had taken Nifa, the red-haired girl, with him. The tables change often, so it was not a scandal. They often sit where they could without paying too much attention to who’s beside them. But now, Armin, Eren, Nifa, Levi, Hanji, Mikasa, Krista, and Petra are having lunch together.

Erwin has been more distant lately. He refuses to sit beside Levi because Eren is there. Levi rolls his eyes and doesn’t say anything. Good riddance.

They always fight. Levi siding with Eren, Erwin is not happy. He has a hostility towards Eren that Levi did not understand. To avoid arguments, Levi tries to return as late as he could and doesn’t stay in his room longer than necessary. Generally, he’s out hunting, in the headquarters, at Mikasa and Hanji's or at Armin's, in Kenny's office, sometimes at Petra's.

Erwin is angry with Levi because he had put an end to their sexual "agreement". But Levi thought they were friends first and foremost. Obviously not.

Levi sits in silence. He has barely touched his food. He did not have much appetite. The smell of it makes him nauseous. The slightest noise hurt his head. Armin and Petra asked him several times if he was okay and he just nods. Eren, Hanji and Krista are watching him worriedly. Levi and Mikasa leave the others to go hunting.

They had not been outside for more than half an hour when Levi's head begins to spin. It’s suddenly too hot, then too cold at once and he had to hold on a tree to not fall. It's becoming hard to breath. His chest tightens, his limbs shake.

“Mikasa...” He lets out weakly.

She looks up alarmed at the tone of his voice and pales when she sees his face.

“We're going home. Now.”

Levi nods wincing. Mikasa puts an arm around his waist and helps him walk through the forest. Levi curses himself internally. If they were attacked now, they would be exposed and Levi is unable to defend himself properly. They would be vulnerable.

“If we’re attacked, you leave me here okay?” He whispers to his best friend.

“Stop saying shit for once, will you?”

In spite of his weakness, Levi takes it upon himself to try to walk quickly and without weighing down on Mikasa. Flashes dance before his eyes. They are several hundred meters away from the entrance to the base. Exposed, vulnerable, unable to protect themselves properly, unable to run.

People die for less than that, outside.

They reach the edge of the woods when Mikasa stiffens. In a second, she pulls Levi against her and leans against a tree. Levi remains completely still, doesn’t lean over to see what Mikasa had seen and doesn’t say a word. He just stares at her intently. His partner nods to the right. Levi puts his hand over his weapon, without drawing it. The slightest noise could catch their attention. So he holds his breath. His heart leaps loudly against his chest. He closes his eyes as he feels his vision blurs. Chest tight with lack of oxygen.

Mikasa's arm is tight around Levi's waist. What would they do if the zombies approach? She would never leave her best friend. Although they live in a world where survival take precedence over many things, it does not surpass their friendship. Never. They are in this together and that's why they’re partners outside. At the moment when Mikasa could have fled avoiding the zombies easily leaving Levi behind, the idea did not cross her mind.

Levi's life is literally in Mikasa's hands. Yet Levi is not afraid that she would leave. He has absolute trust in her. They would not go outside every day if it was not the case.

Noise on their left snaps him out of his thoughts. The seconds seem to stretch ... until a contaminated appears from the branches. Walking straight ahead to them. It's useless to make a sound. They're uncovered. Levi gasps loudly inhaling.

Kenny had told Levi a long time ago that humans smell different when they are sick. He had told him that some thought it attracted zombies. Even mint could not cover them in these cases.

Obviously, that was not just a theory.

Everything happened very quickly. Mikasa pulls out her sword. She lunges to the left, beheading the corpse at once. Her arm still around Levi's waist, she pulls him forward. They begin to run, Levi’s insecure steps compensated by Mikasa’s strength.

“To the right!” She exclaims, suddenly.

Levi lets out a hiccup in spite of himself. They are dozens, flocking right over them. Levi's daggers are on his back, his bow on his shoulder. He has his gun in his hand but using it would only attract more attention. So he doesn’t shoot. They pull away branches and jump over fallen trees. They run again. Levi is going to faint. Suddenly the ground appears to be getting closer. The world spinning around him. He has to stop.

“Levi, you have to—”

Levi doesn’t hear the rest of the sentence. He doubles over throwing up his lunch. Tears escape his eyes at the burn against his throat. He wipes his mouth with his sleeve and glances behind his shoulder. Faster than the zombies, they had distanced themselves a few tens of meters away, but it’s not enough.

“I'm not going to get there, Mikasa, I'm going to pass out, I'm—”

He wavers but Mikasa is quick to steady him. Her worried eyes go back and forth between the zombies chasing after them and Levi. He should have stayed at home; he's risking Mikasa's life with his stupid decisions. How many people is he going to lose for being stupid?

“Climb up the tree,” She says urgently, “Hurry!”

Without waiting for an answer, she clasps her hands to give him a leg up. Levi nods taking a deep breath and begins to climb. He’s shaking so much that his leg trips and he falls backwards. If it wasn’t for Mikasa's hands on him he would have fallen to the ground.

“I'm going to hold you down…. Mikasa please…. leave.” He says with difficulty swallowing through the bile rising up his throat. He’s going to throw up again.

Mikasa frowns at him.

“Shut the fuck up and climb Levi.” She lets out through gritted teeth, urgently pushing him to the tree. She quickly helps him up and reaches for her saber.

Levi climbs again this time putting all his energy into it. He holds himself on a branch not far from the ground.

“Give me your hand!” He says, reaching for Mikasa.

But she shakes her head, taking a step back.

“Mikasa, what are you—”

“Put on the mint ointment that you have in your pocket. I will distract them, and then I will come back to get you.”

“Mikasa, don’t—”

“I promise you, Levi! I’ll be back to get you.”

Then she starts running away, making noise to attract the mass of their pursuers. Levi bites his tongue so hard he tasted blood in his mouth. He watches his best friend walk away through the trees. His best friend who serves as bait so that Levi stays safe. He feels helpless again.

He climbs even further up and settles himself properly on a big branch. He fishes out mint paste from his pocket, quickly coating himself with it. He leans back against the trunk before glancing down. The zombies are starting to pass under. One, two, three, ten, fifteen. In packs, as always. Levi holds his breath. If they realize he’s there, they’ll try to climb or wait for Levi to go down.

He watches them go one by one. He only allows himself to breathe properly when they all disappear.

Then, he waits.

Time stretches as he begins to shiver; he feels a wave of heat leaping out of his body, almost as if he's boiling. Then he’s cold and trembling. He only has a T-shirt and his jacket. He rests his head on the trunk. He closes his blurry eyes, willing his vision to still and clear. His chest still hurts and it's hard to breathe.

He’s probably feverish. His head is pounding so hard. It feels like it’s going to explode so much it hurts. He could no longer think properly.

He has no idea how much time has passed when he finally hears voices.

_Voices? Seriously? In the forest? In the apocalypse?_

He’s probably hallucinating now. The fever has taken over.

But the voices persist. They’re calling his name.

He recognizes one of them in a flash of lucidity.

“Kenny…” Levi whispers. He’s trying so hard to open his eyes but he’s unable as if they’re weighing tons.

He calls for them but his voice is too weak. He clears his throat.

He tries again and fails.

The voices are fading away.

His throat is dry and itchy. He has no energy to even open his eyes. He weakly reaches with his hands clutching the air.

“Ken—”

His voice breaks, and he falls in a coughing fit.

He takes a deep breath.

_They’re going to leave._

And he screams with all the energy he can muster.

“ _Dad!_ ”

Then the voices still.

_It’s over. They’re gone._

They had all disappeared. They would never find Levi. He would probably end up falling from the tree. Hopefully, he breaks his neck and dies before the zombies find him. His eyes blur with tears and he closes them. Too tired to stay awake. This is it. This is how he’s going to die.

“He's there!”

The voice at the foot of the tree makes him jump. He knows that voice.

“Nile, give me a leg up, I'll get him.”

After what seems to be only a fraction of a second for Levi, a cold hand rests on his neck.

“Levi. Can you hear me?”

His voice pulls Levi out of his lethargy. He pushes himself to open his eyes. He wants to see him.

“Nice eyes,” he mumbled softly. “Hello. Green.”

“You're awake,” the other whispers in a tone tinged with relief.

His green irises show his anxiety. He puts a hand on Levi's forehead.

“You're burning! He has a fever!” He shouts down. “He’s half delirious; he will not be able to go down alone. Send me the ropes!”

Everything happens in a fog. Levi feels hands bustling around his waist and shoulders then he finds himself suspended midair. Other hands welcome him when he goes down.

“Dad,” he murmurs in relief.

“I'm here, Levi, I'm here. Everything is going to be okay.”

He presses a kiss on Levi's hair.

“Put him on the stretcher. We must do it quickly, we don’t know if they’re still in the corner or not.”

He’s then laid on a stretcher. He feels like he’s on a cloud when he’s lifted again.

“Eren?”

“I'm here,” says a voice just above his head. “I’m right here.”

“Me too, Levi,” intervenes Erwin's on his left. “I’m watching over you.”

“Where’s… Mikasa?”

“At the base. She sprained her ankle while running home; she could not come get you.”

Levi falls asleep.

He only wakes up when he hears low and distraught voices near him.

“There are too many near the main entrance. We can’t go through there.”

“The trapdoor,” A deep voice says. Eren. “We can go through the entrance of the shed. There is no sign of them on that side.”

“Levi can’t be brought in through the trapdoor. Not on the stretcher anyway.”

Levi makes an effort to open his eyes. They are talking about him. They’re watching the base from behind the trees.

“I'll carry him.”

“Eren, you can’t go down the ladder if he's in your arms.”

Levi groans and rubs his teary eyes. The fever is making him tremble. His shirt is soaking from sweat. However, he feels more conscious than before. He feels more awake.

“Water,” he croaks out, reaching for the voices.

“You're awake,” whispers a voice near him.

A cold hand brushes his forehead. He blinks the open and his vision zeros in on Eren’s face. He pushes a bottle of water to his lips and helps him drink.

“Get some rest. We'll get you out of here soon.” He says putting the bottle away.

“I can walk...”

“No, you can’t,” Kenny says.

Stubborn, Levi tries to straighten up. His head immediately turns and he squints his eyes to still his vision. He remains on his elbows and waits a few seconds, breathing deeply. The others could not find a solution. They could not stay here forever it’s too dangerous for everyone.

“I can run up there,” Levi croaks before clearing his throat, “It will be fine. And I can go down alone. I promise. You'll catch me if I ever fall.”

Silence surround him for a beat. Levi takes the opportunity to look around. Mike, Nile, Eren, Erwin and Kenny. They came for him. His family came to get bring him home.

“I don’t think we have much choice,” Mike interjects, “We can’t stay here for too long.”

They rush towards the trapdoor. Kenny and Nile are supporting Levi, who’s already feeling his body letting go of him. Nile rushes to the metallic trapdoor, opens it immediately, and pushes Kenny into it first. Nile comes in second.

“Send in Levi!”

He has already straightened up. He falters nevertheless. Strangely, someone moves away instead of holding him back.

Erwin?

It’s Eren who puts an arm around Levi's waist to stabilize him. He leads him to the edge. Levi looks up to him, meeting his green eyes. His knees give out but he tries to kneel and slip into the opening. He has both hands on the bars. And slips himself in. He goes down one notch, then another. His head is spinning. Flashes dance before his eyes again. Their little sprint did not do him any good. He only feels worse.

“I'm not going to—”

His voice breaks.

“I'm going to let go,” he panics as his arms begin to shake he’s still far up from the ground.

“Erwin, go help him,” Mike's urgent voice speaks up. “I think the zombies have heard us, there are three who are coming this way.”

But no movement from outside.

“And what if it was the original virus that—”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Mike snaps coldly. “You refuse to touch him because you’re scared? Can you protect us and Eren then if I leave you outside?”

Levi is going to throw up he can feel it. He clings to the bars around the ladder and tries not to let go.

“Levi, we can try to catch you if you fall,” Kenny says a few meters lower. “Try to go down just a little bit.”

“I can’t,” Levi whispers, shaken by fever. If he tries to move he’ll fall.

Noise is heard above.

“Hold my backpack, I’ll get him.” Eren says. Levi hears rustling. “Asshole.” He must have said that to Erwin. Levi can’t tell.

The bars Levi is holding on shake when someone follows on the ladder.

“Hold on Levi.” Eren says ascending. “Move to the right now.”

Eren is hanging on the side of the ladder. He only comes back to the center once Levi moves away. He put his hands on Levi’s, put his feet on the level of his. His chest is flushed against Levi’s back, just like his legs. Levi feels his thigh and knees behind his bent left leg, and the whole length of his leg stretched to the right. He’s holding him firmly.

“We'll go slowly. Rest your legs on mine. Concentrate on me. You won’t fall I promise.”

No, Levi can’t possibly fall. Eren is completely flushed against body. Even if Levi trips, Eren has his back. Literally.

“Left leg.”

Slowly, Levi moves down, Eren following the movement against him. They start again. Vibrations on the ladder means that Erwin and Mike had also slipped inside. Mike closes the hatch and they’re all plunged into darkness. They are safe. All of them.

“Move over, I’m going to let go for ten seconds.” Eren says against his ear and he shivers. From the cold obviously.

Eren’s support suddenly leaves Levi, who suddenly feels gravity from the ground much more intensely than before. Eren's hands rest on his hips a few seconds later.

“Keep going down. If you let go, I'll catch you.”

Levi obeys. Eren finally pulls him off the ladder when he’s only one meter off the ground. Levi would have collapsed if Eren had not raised him in his arms. It’s the first time someone ever held him as if he were a princess or a bride. Not too much of his style, usually.

“We'll take him to the infirmary,” Kenny says to them.

“Not possible, Hitch and Mina have the same stuff as Levi, they are already there,” Mike intervenes behind them.

Levi rests his head against Eren's chest, tired. He was too unaccustomed to his contact for him to be familiar, but he recognizes his scent. He did not know what Eren decides abruptly, but he starts to walk without saying a word. The others follow behind him.

“This is not the way to our room.” Erwin says dryly.

“If you think I'm going to leave him alone with you when you have not been able to approach him since the moment he was found out of fear of a dead virus for more than forty years, you can dream on it. Mike, can you tell Hanji he's with me please?”

Levi feels himself laid over a soft bed. He drops back on the pillow before grimacing, thinking of Eren's old prejudices about homosexuality as a disease.

“Eren, I'm going to contaminate your pillow and your sheets and—”

“You will not contaminate anything, stop. I do not think that anymore.” Eren replies, mortified.

“Good,” Levi whispers, keeping his eyes closed.

He feels the mattress weight shifting at the end of the bed. They remain silent until Hanji, Mikasa and Armin burst into the room, followed by Petra. Mikasa rushes to his bedside and holds his hand between hers.

“You're alive,” she says hoarsely.

“You're not rid of me yet I’m afraid.”

“Fortunately, because I would follow your ass to hell and bring you back here.”

Levi smiles weakly, his eyes closed. He feels Mikasa let go of his hand. Other fingers land on his forehead. Hanji.

“You look like shit.” are the first words that she says.

“Thank you, Hanji.”

She asks him questions, fiddles with him everywhere “Levi, stop moving when I touch your sides.” puts her stethoscope on his bare back, making Levi shudder because of the cold, and eventually covers him with a blanket.

“Well, I think you’ve got the same thing as the others. Why didn’t you say anything this morning? Others said that they felt tired and achy for days.” She reprimands sitting at the edge of the bed.

“I just thought... I wasn’t sleeping... enough.”

Levi opens his eyes in time to see Mikasa and Hanji roll theirs in unison. Real parents these two.

Hanji stands up and lets Armin collapse near Levi on the bed. Kenny kisses his son's forehead while whispering to him to rest. Seconds later, Levi hears the voices of Mikasa, Hanji, Kenny, Nile, and Eren outside, reaching him through the door Mikasa had left ajar on her way out.

“What happened?” Mikasa asks. “Why is he here?”

“Erwin does not want to touch him of fear of the original virus, can you believe that asshole? He would not even be able to get close to him to give a glass of water. I prefer that he stays here.”

“And you, will you be able to take care of him?”

“I'm not afraid of a so-called virus that’s been dead for forty years, Hanji.”

“I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about your ... reluctance to touch him. Otherwise, I move another bed to the infirmary to keep him there with the others.”

“It's alright, I can manage that.”

Hanji seems to hesitate, because Nile intervenes.

“It’s Eren who carried Levi here, Hanji. In his arms.”

“Oh… _Oh!_ Okay. That’s… nice.”

Levi falls asleep without hearing the rest.

Images of his childhood flash behind his closed eyelids.

_He’s running in field between the bushes. Childlike giggles escaping his lips as he hides. A tall shadowed man runs behind him calling his name. He remembers him catching up to him. He remembers him holding him up as he spins around and around. Levi remembers loving that. He remembers how his beard tickled when he kissed his forehead._

_He sees the butterflies in spring as they roam around the garden near the colorful flowers. He sees himself trying to catch them with his father. He sees himself sitting on the kitchen stool a faceless woman giving him a spoon to stir a cake mix. He remembers how good she smelled. How soft her skin felt. How dark her long hair was and how pale she looked. He remembers the sound of her laugh as he would lick the bowl from all the mixture and dirties his clothes._

_He remembers bath times and the bubbles and the yellow duck. He remembers his favorite teddy bear and the den his dad made for him in the living room. He sees himself in his bed as his father reads him another bedtime story._

_Then one day, it stopped being sunny. He remembers the rain and the wind howling when they left him. He sees himself being scared as they told him to play a game._

_“Hide in the closet and sing the song. When you’re done mommy and daddy will find you,” they had nervously told him._

_He was confused and scared. He was crying but they didn’t care. They locked the closet door on him. It was dark and cold and he couldn’t see anything._

_But he stayed quiet, he didn’t move. Time went by and they didn’t come back. No matter how many times he sang. No matter how many times he called for them and begged them to come get him. He was hungry and tired and alone with just his torn teddy bear in his hold._

_He’s in the field again. The sky is grey with clouds and his parents are so far away at the end of the road. He keeps calling for them but they don’t stop for him, they don’t hear him, they don’t turn to look at him. No matter how far he runs they’re still so far away. Eventually he falls and starts crying. He’s only five. They disappear leaving him behind._

When he wakes up, the room is empty. However, the door to Armin's room is open and he can hear laughter and voices nearby. Armin's laugh, easily recognizable. Mikasa's voice. Hanji who was indignant at something Krista said. He takes a deep breath to calm his beating heart and blinks away the tears in his eyes.

Levi feels a little better already. His head is not spinning anymore while laying down. Everything still hurt, however, and it feels like a hammer is beating inside his head. He has the impression that a horde of zombies had passed over him. Which had almost happened, by the way. He would have to thank each of his friends individually for coming for him. He takes the damp cloth off his forehead and sits up slowly. He pushes away the blankets and puts his feet on the ground. The cold floor makes him shiver.  

Levi rises slowly. His legs nearly give out and he feels warm all of a sudden. He catches himself on the bed and takes a deep breath. He’s alive, he’s not going to lose to some small ridiculous virus. One-step, then another. The hours spent straddling the tree had not been very good for his aching thighs. He passes his head through the door that communicated with Armin's room. Krista stops in her tracks when she sees him. Her face lights up. His friends had to watch over him for hours. Levi feels a surge of affection for them that makes his body tingle.

“The King is alive!” exclaims Krista, smiling.

Levi winces at her loud voice.

“Feeling better?” Hanji asks, turning to him.

She unfolds her legs from where she’s sitting cross-legged on the floor, leaning against Mikasa, and gets up. She puts a hand on Levi' forehead with a concentrated face.

“You still have fever; you should go back to bed.”

“I don’t want to, I feel like I'm wasting my time for some reason.”

“You're sick,” Mikasa says firmly. “Go back to bed before I make you.”

Levi purses his lips glaring at her.

“Where's Eren?”

“Gone bringing food with Petra.”

_Always together these two._

Seeing the surprise in his friends faces, they had heard him. He said it aloud. Krista smiles mischievously and Levi frowns at her.

“I'm going back to bed.”

This option is more appealing than talking without filter as it had just happened. It's not that Levi had things to hide but—

Levi climbs back on Eren's bed and buries himself under the blankets again. He had not realized it earlier, but waking up in the bed and not on it; means that someone had took care of covering him. He has nice friends.

Nice friends who got along very well with each other.

Levi hides himself completely under the covers. The sheets smell of Eren. He closes his eyes while trying to sleep again.

The voices of Eren and Petra reach him a few minutes later. Their laughs. A good smell of food reached Levi's nostrils, making his stomach churn in disgust. Levi hears Hanji tell the newcomers that Levi is awake.

“Are you asleep already?” Eren says beside him a few moment later. “I brought you some soup made by Kuchel’s loving hands.” He hears the clinking of the plates. The smell of food fills his nostrils.

Levi groans for an answer. Eren reaches the bed fumbling in the shadows, the room being lit by the light from Armin's room, and puts the plate on the nightstand.

“Are you feeling better?” He sits on the edge of the bed.

Levi doesn’t answer.

“Levi?”

Eren's hand rests gently on his stomach, over the blankets, and Levi swallows thickly. He finally brings the covers down to his nose.

Eren watches him intently with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m able to get up without smashing my face on the floor, I think it's progress.”

“Do you want to come with us to Armin’s room?”

Levi shakes his head. His first thought is that he did not want to see Petra and Eren so close when he’s in such a bad mood. It’s ridiculous. They are both his friends. He should be happy for them.

“My head hurts, you’re too loud.” He lies, looking away. “What time is it?”

“Late. You hallucinated and slept all day. Nobody wanted to leave you, so we moved into the room next door. Now that you don’t seem to be dying, we’re going to eat and go to bed. Erwin is here to talk to you,” he adds after a moment's hesitation. “Do you want to go back to your room?”

“No. I do not want to see him.”

He grimaces, realizing he had spoken too fast and is in fact taking Eren's bed.

“But I understand that you want to recover your bed, I can go—”

“No it's Okay. Mikasa and I, we got an old mattress that I'll put on the floor just here.”

He has planned everything. Eren places a cold hand on Levi' forehead. Levi shudders. Because of the fever, of course.

“You're burning. I knew that your bullshit would eventually kill you.”

Levi grunts and Eren smiles, finally.

“Hanji put pills on the nightstand for you. She said it was herbal, it's the things she does herself.”

Eren pats the nightstand until he finds the medicine and the glass of water Hanji had left there. Eren's skin is cold against Levi's burning skin. Levi swallows his tablet and gives him the glass again. He’s not used to being looked after. He did not let anyone see him weak, usually. Neither weak nor vulnerable nor needy.

“Here,” Eren helps him sit up by adjusting the pillows and puts the plate over the covers. “Would you be able to eat by yourself? Is it too dark?”

“It’s fine.” Levi replies softly, touched and embarrassed at the same time. He looks down at the plate. There’s a bowl of soup, a small plate of salad and an orange. He grimaces in disgust and Eren lets out a soft laugh that has Levi looking up at him.

“You have to eat even for a little bit.”

Eren sits there awkwardly silent as he peals the orange for him. Levi barely eats anything from his plate if it wasn’t for Eren insisting. _“One more, Levi, you have to eat to get better.”_

“It's okay now. Thank you.” he says as he finally sets the plate away and wipes his mouth already full from the little food he ate.

Eren nods and Levi turns to the other side letting his eyes drift shut, pretending to sleep. Eren stands up noiselessly and joins the next room, leaving him alone.

And Levi, indeed, feels very lonely, even though he knows that all his friends are in the next room for him.

Two hours later, Eren wakes him up with a steaming herbal tea.

“Drink this, it’ll help.” And with that he leaves again. This time Levi stays awake.

More time passes and the noise finally stops. Hanji goes back to see her patient one last time. Anxiously, the doctor asks Eren to pay attention to him. Strangely, Levi trusts Eren more to watch over him than Erwin. If he had been told that a few months earlier, he would not have believed it.

Everyone wishes Levi a good night and Eren closes the door, leaving them in total darkness. Levi can’t see anything. But he can hear the rustling of fabrics as Eren changes, his sigh as he lays on the mattress he had installed half an hour earlier right next to the bed, his breath uneven when he finally stops moving.

“You’re asleep?”

Levi doesn’t answer. He swallows, staring at the ceiling in complete darkness. Eren must have thought he was sleeping.

“I was scared earlier, for you.” He whispers a few minutes later.

Levi doesn’t say anything. He listens to Eren sigh.

“And that, that terrifies me.”

He doesn’t say anything else. Levi lays in the dark, his heart pounding, unable to sleep for hours.

He too is terrified.

**

Levi had to wake Eren up in the middle of the night when he hears him panting because of his nightmares. He waits until he’s awake and aware that it’s Levi who’s beside him to drop his arm from the bed and touch his shoulder. Eren flinches. Levi’s about to pull out his hand when Eren's stops him. Levi stares through the darkness when Eren's fingers tighten around his. Gently, he starts brushing his skin with his thumb to reassure him and Eren relaxes slowly. They fall back to sleep like that until Levi wakes up to vomit again. They spend the night with Levi’s head in a bucket and with Eren, rubbing his back and making him drink more water.

**

Krista wakes them up the next morning.

“Wake up friends! Today is the big day!”

Levi buries his head under his pillow to protect his eyes from the light and he hears Eren growl close to him.

“Go away,” grumbles the youngest. “It's a big day of nothing at all.”

He has a much hoarse voice upon waking up. What Levi notes out of pure platonic curiosity, obviously.

“Yes, Eren, it's a big day, so move your ass. Today, we will save humanity!”

Levi blinks an eye open wincing at the glaring light. Eren straightens up. He seems more awake suddenly.

“Krista… _don’t_.”

**

“We can try, Eren. We have nothing to lose. The experiments with Hanji are different here; there have been real cases, with real symptoms, not theoretical cases. We can try. Yesterday...” Krista's expression suddenly becomes much more serious than usual. “Yesterday, when we saw Mikasa storm into HQ without Levi, we thought he had been bitten. And it made me think. What would happen the next time? I don’t want that to happen knowing that I didn’t do anything to prevent the inevitable. We can always try…”

“Try what?” Levi intervenes finally. He tightens his hold on the blanket around him. He had insisted on coming with them to the office despite being sick and tired. His breakfast sits heavily in his stomach, making him uncomfortable. Krista glances at him.

“To find the cure.”

A deathly silence reigns in Kenny's office. Krista has agreed to reveal her secret to only a few people. Kenny, Tomas, Hanji, Mikasa and Levi. Eren already knew it. She’s right. It’s out of the question for others to know of such a big news now. It’s a dangerous news. One with hope. And hope kills.

She begins by explaining that in the City she worked in the laboratories that developed the drugs for the inhabitants. She was good, so she was trusted. She had access to a good part of the labs. When she joined the Liberty Organization after Eren's banishment, the leaders of the Organization had put their knowledge to good use. Because for years Liberty had been working on a cure.

Researchers in the group, doctors, lab technicians, struggled to find a cure for the virus that had decimated the planet. So that the inhabitants of the Enclosure can finally find their freedom.

Tomas cuts her off.  “If no one could find that damn cure, not the authorities, or the dissidents, or the condemned outside, then maybe there’s simply no cure guys.”

“You’re wrong,” Krista says she risks a glance at Eren who shakes his head.

And she drops the bomb.

“There is already a cure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So with chapter 15 we’re done with 1/3 of the plot… This is gonna be long y’all I hope you stick around and enjoy this ride with me <3 <3 Frenemies Arc is done so probably more angst/fluff is to come… maybe?!   
> Also plz excuse the typos! I really try but sometimes i miss ones XD and i happen to go back and read from time to time and I cringe so hard when i find them! But plz bare with that i'll eventually edit out everything!  
> Anyway…. I’m gonna keep saying this every time but honestly thank you so much for your continuous support. When I get that email notification about comments or kudos, I am truly touched, and I wish I could hug everyone who leaves one. It legitimately brings tears to my eyes. I screenshot everything and save it. You guys are so precious. I don’t reply as fast because sometimes I get anxious and I prefer to do so when I’m posting another chapter! Anywaaaaaay, I hope you like this <3 <3 Have a nice day/ night wherever you are in the world!


	16. Expedition

Kenny watches Krista acutely. All of them stare at her as if she’s going to take a bunny out of her hat.

“Are you sure of what you're saying?” Kenny asks calmly.

“Certain. In the basements of the City, there are contained dozens of doses of a cure that have been stored there for years. The authorities keep it locked up, guarded by dozens of men who do not even know what is in these boxes. They do not distribute them, never will. No one in the city really knows the existence of these doses, except the rebels. There are only rumors circulating by Liberty. Some think that they are just rumors. I’m telling you it's true.”

“How do you know? How can you be so sure?”

“Because my dad is the Head of Security in the City. And that my sister, Isabel, looked through his secret defense papers six years ago. It was there that she discovered that all the rumors circulating about a potential cure were true. And that she became a spy for Liberty.”

The shocked faces around Levi shows that he was not the only one to be surprised by Eren's revelations.

“Your father is the chief of the Guard? Grisha Jaeger?”

Eren nods at Hanji's question. His face is completely closed. Visibly a sensitive subject.

_That's why he knew how to fight. And he knew how to hold a weapon._

“So you knew about the remedy,” Kenny points out impassively.

“Yes I knew.”

Levi’s lips part in surprise. He glances at him but Eren avoids his eyes. Eren had been there for almost seven months and at no time had he thought of telling them that there was a cure for the virus.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Levi snaps, but he’s quickly consumed by a coughing fit.

_Eren had known all this time and said nothing._

“You should go back to bed.” Hanji says as she hands him a glass of water. “You need bed rest.”

Eren runs a hand over his face.

“Why would I tell you, Levi? I have no knowledge in biology, medicine, pharmacy, anything you want, I'm an engineer in energy, not drugs, not research! I could not help you.”

“But we could have gone—”

“Go get some? Five times the population of this base every hour of the day and night guards these remedies and thousands of men watch the Enclosure itself, how do you want us to enter? To tell you that there was a cure would have been useless. It would frustrate you even more because we can’t get this remedy, it's impossible! The rebels inside the city can’t do it, and you think we can, outside? No way!”

Levi feels his anger building up slowly. His blood boiling under his skin. The tension had not been so intense between them for months. He feels his headache starting.

“You should have told us,” he says stubbornly. The trembling is back already he really needs to go back to bed. “It’s not for you to decide.” He hates how his voice wavers pathetically.

Eren rolls his eyes and shakes his head. The other stare at Eren. Except Hanji and Krista, everyone agrees with Levi. He should have told them. It’s not his decision to make.

“And you, why didn’t you tell us before?” Tomas asks Krista in a calmer tone. “It's been three weeks that you're here.”

Krista plays with the hem of her shirt nervously. She tucks a loose strand of her golden hair behind her ear.

“Because, even if I worked in the labs, I don’t conceive the remedy. I don’t even know who made it. I know about its chemical formula because I too was a spy for Liberty but I never managed to make it. We tried. The Organization has tried, and I was one of the scientists who tried to make it within their own premises. We never succeeded.” She shrugs taking a breath. “After months, even years for the other scientists of the Organization, we still had no results. So I decided ... to try everything. I tried to steal the remedy formula. I got caught obviously. That's why I was arrested and banned. If I didn’t tell you earlier, it's because I only had time to take a quick look at the file. I don’t know the whole formula. We’ll have to keep experimenting. But if Hanji is ready to try it with me, then I think we have to try. Eren told me about those who died here because of a bite. I will not stand to live with myself the next time it happens if I have not tried everything to make the cure before that.”

Kenny sighs, thoughtfully, before turning to Hanji. Levi glares at Eren in the corner. He doesn’t care about any of this. He sneezes and Kenny purses his lips giving him a look that says, “ _You should have listened to me and stayed in bed.”_

“Are you ready to work with Krista on this remedy, Hanji?”

“Absolutely.”

Hanji nods furiously.

“Krista, what do you need?”

“Lots of equipment.”

She begins to list a bunch of names that sounds like dinosaur names to Levi. Hanji shakes her head, sighing.

“We don’t have that here.”

“Before arriving here, I went through a lot of places.” Eren speaks. He stares at the floor carefully avoiding Levi’s glares. “I found refuge in a laboratory still well preserved. I think we'll find a lot of what we need there.”

“Good.” Kenny concludes. “Mikasa and Levi, you go obviously. Krista, I can’t let you out for now. You are too fragile, you would have to take a little strength and for us to be sure of your abilities and your health before sending you out.”

Krista nods seeming relieved.

“I would rather not go out to be honest. Here, we are ... safe. It's a feeling I have not had in a long time.”

Kenny looks touched and Levi smiles for the first time in a while. He likes Kenny receiving indirect compliments on his work. He tries to give people a safe place to live, and that’s a lot in these days.

“Can Eren and Hanji go for me? Between them, they will be able to find what is needed if I make a list for them.”

Kenny glances at them questioningly and they both nod in agreement.

“Good. You will leave in a week from today with the Range Rover, enough time for Levi to recover. You’re still too pale and weak. Out of question that I send you like this.” He adds when he sees Levi beginning to argue. “I’ll give you a week.”

Eren then fishes out a paper from his pockets and hands it to Kenny. He flattens the edges as he puts it over his desk.

“I took a look at the Armory the other day. I made a list of cartilages and approximately how much we need.” He risks a glance at Levi and then looks away when he finds him glaring. “Also all guns in there need to be cleaned, some are getting rusty.”

Kenny takes a look at the paper and nods seeming impressed.

“Thank you that’s very helpful.” He glances at Tomas as he rubs his growing beard. “We’ll get Nile and Mike with us and go to the factory in a few days. What do you think?”

Tomas nods at him as he glances at the list.

“Alright then. That’s all, you can leave.”

Levi storms out of the room. He holds on to the wall for support as he walks. They’re already wasting too much time. He can’t believe Eren didn’t tell him anything. He watched Cis and Nanaba die while he knew there was a cure.

“Levi!”

Eren's voice calls him as soon as they’re out of the office, but Levi is already striding away. He walks faster when he hears Eren’s footsteps behind him. Eren grabs his arm to force him to stop.

“Levi let’s talk about this.”

Well, he’s obviously able to touch him without problems now. Too late for that.

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Levi...”

Eren’s face falls but Levi doesn’t care. Levi trusted him. While all his instincts were screaming at him not to do it. He had trusted this guy who had spent his first weeks here insulting him. He thought they had made progress. That they were better.

He thought they were ... friends. Eren betrayed that trust. And now Levi wants none of this friendship.

“You were there…” He starts weakly. A lump forms in his throat. “You were there when Cis died, you told him goodbye.” Eren shakes his head, looking at him pleadingly. Levi ignores him. “You watched him die, you helped digging his grave. You dared to come and comfort me, while knowing about this.”

“I did that to protect you.” Eren says pleading, reaching out for him. “I thought—”

Levi jerks away from his hold. “I don’t care what you thought. You should have told me but you didn’t. There’s nothing to talk about.” He yells then chokes out a cough. His head is pounding and his throat is dry. “Don’t come near me or talk to me.”

Then turns on his heel without giving him another look. He can go to hell.

“Levi…” Eren calls back but all Levi does is give him the finger. He’s too angry to deal with him. This is why he doesn’t like opening up to people. All they do is betray you, hurt you, leave you.

**

Levi’s laying between Hanji and Mikasa on their bed. Mikasa's eyes are closed, Hanji is reading, Levi is just rambling between them. He’s shivering, his throat is dry from all the talking but he doesn’t stop. He needs to let it out.

“He should have told us, he spent almost seven months here, it's an important information, he should have—”

“Stop.” Mikasa finally interrupts him.

Levi jumps at the intrusion, so sudden and sharp.

“He was right to not to tell us sounds better. It would have frustrated us even more to see our own die because of this virus, having to kill them after a bite. One would’ve gone crazy knowing that there was inside those walls a remedy that could not be reached. Some would have went on an expedition to recover it and you know it. You would have been part of it, knowing you. Except that we would have all been dead. Eren acted to protect us from ourselves. He carried that weight on his shoulders and watched Cis die knowing that there was something in the City that could have helped him. He did not say anything so as not to make us suffer more. He did the best thing he thought of. You blame him because you think he should have trusted you more about it and because you thought you were closer. But that does not change what you are, Levi, whatever you two are now. He knows you, too. You would have risked your life to save your people. He knows that too. He did that to protect you.”

Mikasa goes silent. Her eyes are still closed. Hanji closes her book and looks at him.

“He told me.” She says then sigh. “Eren told me about the cure. Like three weeks ago.” Levi glares at her slack-jawed. He’s going to end up having a nervous breakdown. Why are his friends hiding things from him?

“Before you get even angrier, know that he told me because I was exhausted one evening and desperate to find a cure myself. I was ready to give up saying that there was no cure. That's where he told me. He just said not to ask questions, he didn’t even tell me who his father was. He did it so that I keep hope and I keep working. He said that if someone had managed to find a cure, then I could too. And you know, Levi, when I asked him if he had told you, he said no, because he couldn’t take the risk of seeing you die too.”

What does that even mean? He doesn’t want the risk of seeing Levi die? That he cares enough about Levi’s life? What about the others? What about their lives?

“He may have a weird way of showing it, but he cares about you. And you care about him too. That's why the fact that he kept this secret makes you so angry.”

Levi huffs in annoyance. How do they know him so well? He kicks them in the legs like the child that he is. Hanji laughs softly at his childlessness and ask what they had done to deserve that, he grumbles an insult before giving them a hug. This is the family that he wants to protect and he’ll do everything for them. Still Eren should have said something.

“Did you eat and have your pills?” Hanji says after a beat.

“No?” He says in a small voice. He’s not even hungry.

“Levi!” She scolds, reaching for his forehead. “You’re warm! Don’t be a child. You have to eat and take your medicine or I’ll force feed you if I have to.”

“Fine!” He rolls his eyes and sits up.

“Sit here; I’ll bring you your lunch.”

Mikasa drapes the blanket over him and goes back to sleep.

Levi rolls his eyes again but smiles fondly.

He has the nicest friends.

**

Levi knocks softly on the door of his father's room, waiting for an answer to open. It’s late, but he knows that Kenny’s not sleeping; he saw the light under the door. Indeed, Kenny is sitting at his desk, writing in a notebook when Levi enters. Kenny does that as soon as something more or less important happens. He records everything that could be useful to them in writing. In case something happens to him and he is not there to remind anyone.

Levi toes off his shoes and sits on the edge of the bed.

“I guess you came to talk to me about the remedy.”

Levi doesn’t answer immediately, staring at the worn edge of the blanket. He has thought about it all day. Locked up in his room thinking.

“It doesn’t make any sense.” He starts pulling at the fabric watching it tear. He glances at Kenny to make sure he didn’t notice and flattens it over the bed. “At first, I wondered if they have a cure, why don’t they use it? The only reason I could think of was that maybe there was not enough for everyone. But Krista and Eren said there were thousands, millions of doses in the basements of the City. It seems completely crazy to me, but Krista told me that, according to the reports on which Liberty have stumbled upon; the remedy will reverse the effects of the bite as long as the infected person is still alive. Basically, there would be no risk of getting the virus because a simple shot would prevent the transformation. So why don’t they use it? Why won’t the leaders plan an attack outside the City, against the zombies, to take back their lands and live in peace and freedom again?”

Levi shakes his head in annoyance. Kenny looks up from his papers, waiting for him to continue. Kenny educated Levi. He taught him to reason, to think strategically. He knows Levi would reach the same conclusion as he did.

“And I realized then. The Leaders have control of the remedy. The Leaders are happy. They have money. They have power. They control the whole City, they are the masters of the world. They would not be the masters of anything if the City crumbles. They prefer to stay in their walls, where they control everything. They don’t want to lose their supremacy. And for that, they are ready to make a cross on any idea to regain ground on the zombies. They don’t need more land. They are the kings of the world at home. And they intend to stay that way.”

Kenny nods slowly. Levi runs his hand through his hair.

“They are monsters. I don’t understand how one can be so... I don’t even have the words. It's beyond monstrosity, beyond selfishness.”

Kenny smiles sadly, as he watches his son.

“The thirst for power, Levi. Whatever the time, the thirst for power and wealth of some men is stronger than their humanity.”

Levi honestly doubts that these beings could be human in any way.

He ends up sleeping there while his father works.

**

“What do you mean you’re going on an expedition without me?”

Levi rolls his eyes suppressing a sigh. He’s already feeling so much better four days later.

“You didn’t want to see me yesterday because I was too sick for you, Erwin, don’t you dare tell me that you want to accompany me to protect me.”

Erwin crosses his arms over her chest, furiously glaring at him.

“It has nothing to do with that. Generally, I come on missions.”

“We're going to get scientific equipment, Erwin.” Levi explains for the hundredth time. He puts on his long sleeved sweater. “Hanji and Eren will be here for that. As for me, I team up with Mikasa. It's always been like that, it always will be, no matter how much you would have liked to be my savior. It's Mikasa, my partner.”

Erwin clenches his teeth as he watches him.

“I know that. I just thought I should come instead of—”

“Eren? Hanji? Because you know something about science, maybe? Don’t make me regret coming back to our room Erwin.”

Erwin sighs and runs a hand through his hair, uncomfortable.

“I'm sick of fighting, Levi. We've been doing this for weeks. I miss you.”

Levi softens despite himself when Erwin takes him in his arms. He has been mean to him all this time. Erwin isn’t a bad person even though he tends to be controlling and overly jealous sometimes.

“I miss you too.” Levi lets out. Then rectifies to not give him any ideas. “I miss my friend, Erwin. You were not like that before. You were not so bitter, so angry. I miss that Erwin.”

His roommate is silent for a moment as Levi takes his pill.

“I'll try to find that Erwin for you. I promise.” Erwin replies eventually.

**

Levi rejoins Hanji and Mikasa at dawn a week later. They’re both seated in the cafeteria. Hanji is all in black clothes in contrast to her white blouse. They always wear black clothes outside. That way, they merge into the shadows and it’s harder for zombies to notice them. Except for the Hunters apparently who don’t need sunlight to see them.

Mikasa barely raises her head from her cereal bowl. She’s never been a morning person. Levi takes a sip from his fruit juice and munches on a cake that Mama had prepared the day before.

“Eren is still not awake yet?” Levi grumbles, sitting down. “Wow! You can tell how much effort he’s putting in the mission.”

“Eren is right here,” says a cold voice behind him. “And Eren is well awake, thank you for your concern, Levi.”

Levi doesn’t like that. He doesn’t like the moment when Eren sits down almost a meter from him, as if he was a stranger. He doesn’t like the way Eren greets Mikasa and Hanji without greeting him. He doesn’t like the tense silence that settles between them.

They find themselves in the garage a few minutes later. Mikasa is driving, Hanji in the passenger seat next to her. Levi and Eren are in the back. Levi feels like he’s back seven months ago when he just found Eren. Eren didn’t want him to get away, so he stayed near him, watching him sleep. He was so skinny at the time, far from the muscles and square shoulders he has today. His hair is longer now, but he has it in a bun, as Levi has told him the day they went out to repair the wind turbines.

So much had changed during that time.

Eren catches Levi's eyes on him. He doesn’t look away. Levi does.

They have traced the journey to follow on a map the day before. They have to go to two different places. A laboratory to find more advanced equipment and a warehouse with pharmaceuticals.

When Eren had been banished, he had gone south. He figured it was safer than the north, where zombie concentration could potentially be higher, as the Paradis contamination spread from that area. Hanji explained that their base was south of the old city of Trost. Levi, Mikasa and Erwin had found Eren north of Ermich district. The lab Eren had been visiting was near Dauper village, Eren remembers seeing the signs. They suspect that there are labs closer to the base, but they don’t know if the equipment was in good enough condition to be used. Eren had seen this lab; he knows that the equipment is exploitable.

The rest of their expedition would take them to Utgard, before returning to the base. All safe and sound if they’re lucky.

The journey is silent for the most part. The first part of the trip would be to take them to the laboratory where they have to find microscopes, in which Eren had spent several months before. The landscapes are deserted. They spend most of the time in the countryside. No habitation, no trace of life. Power poles sometimes lay on the ground. Traces of old fences. Old huts crumbling.

They arrive safely in the industrial area where the laboratory is located. There are only old hangars, with rusty paint and corrugated iron sheets. Everything is vacant, atrociously silent. The vegetation had recovered its rights, the roots having exploded the tar of the car parks and roads, the grass having taken place in the cracks, the ivy climbing on the walls of the buildings. Some rusty cars were still visible in some car parks, testimonials from people who had come to work and never left.

Eren leads them to the back of a tall building. Mikasa parks the car. They don’t leave the vehicle until they wait several minutes to check that nothing is moving around. It’s visibly lifeless.

Eren asks them to follow him. He takes a rickety fire escape, which leads to an opening on the roof.

“Isabel taught me that it was safer to go up here and that most people won’t think of doing it.”

The interior of the gray building is dark. There is obviously no electricity. They come out into a long, dark hallway. Right and left, office doors. Levi and Mikasa open them one by one wordlessly. The doors creak, having not been used for years. Levi grits his teeth in annoyance at the lightest sound. Inside these rooms are large storage shelves filled with cardboard boxes, folders, desks. Many papers are scattered on the floor. Many chairs are toppled upside down. Everything seems to have been evacuated in a hurry. Hanji retrieves all the papers she could find, along with pens, staples, and all the stationery she could get her hands on. She shoves everything into her backpack and Mikasa's, who rolls her eyes fondly and shakes her head.

Levi remains at the door, weapon in hand. Everything is just a matter of danger and survival outside. Maybe that’s what everyone is referring to by saying that Levi is made to survive. When he’s outside, Levi becomes someone else. He puts on his warrior mask and doesn’t let anything distract him. He glances at Eren who’s crouched before a shelf reading labels and inspecting wires.

“We have to move.” Levi says in a low, hushed voice, waving Hanji to hurry.

Weapon and torch in hand, Levi continues along the corridor, the other three on his heals. Eren and Hanji follow Levi, Mikasa the last covering their backs. Eren has told them that the microscopes Krista needs are on the floor below.

Levi opens the door leading to the stairs and peaks inside. The place is empty, but Levi's instinct tells him to be wary.

And his instinct is rarely wrong.

The equipment they need is stored in a huge room with several rays. Most microscopes, centrifuges and other products were under covers.

 _This is dangerous._ Levi realizes as he takes a look at them.

The microscopes are not light and two of them would have their hands busy. In case of attack, it could be fatal.

Levi and Mikasa secure the area, making sure it’s safe, before beckoning the others to come in. Eren and Hanji quickly go around. They can’t carry everything at once, Krista needs more devices with weird names.

The first round trip goes very well. They put the devices in the back of the vehicle and make their way back. Levi doesn’t relax. Eren and Hanji are making too much noise for his taste.

They’re on the ground floor when suspicious sounds are heard. Levi gestures to Mikasa and waves his hands to Eren and Hanji to enter an empty room and not move.

Levi walks slowly down the hall. The noise comes from a room to his right. He pushes the door with the tip of his foot before pointing his flashlight at the ground, weapon in hand. Rats run around the floor. He exhales in relief.

“It’s only rats.” He whispers signaling to Mikasa that there was nothing to fear.

It’s then that Hanji screams.


	17. Another day in zombie land

Levi's feels every hair on his body rise on end. It’s almost as if every drop of blood froze in his veins.

He hears gunshots.

One.

Two.

Three.

He’s already moving, rushing along with Mikasa to the other end of the corridor. Mikasa’s only a few meters away from them, to keep them under protection. When Levi reaches the room he sees Eren back to him. In front of him, a zombie on the ground, a man with black skin and eyes almost completely white, head exploded. Mikasa helps Hanji to stand up, her eyes wide with shock and fear.

“He’s— He came through that door and I—”

Levi places his free hand on Eren’s shoulder, squeezing gently, and pulls him back. Eren's wide eyes find Levi's.

“We continue, Eren. We need to move. He may not be alone.”

Eren takes a deep breath. He nods shaken up, and puts his rifle away. Once again, Levi admires his ability to overcome his fear. Even though they’re not on talking terms at the moment, there’s no room for emotions when you’re outside.

“Are you guys okay?” Mikasa asks.

Eren and Hanji nod.

“The contaminated jumped on me. If Eren had not been there, I would not be here to talk about it. It’s been a long time since I saw one this close… ” She says then looks at Eren. “I owe you my life.”

Eren shrugs his shoulders, still tense.

“You would have done the same for me.”

“Did he have time to touch any of you? Are you hurt?”

At the negative answer of their two scientists, Levi turns to Mikasa.

“Go help Eren with carrying the machines.” But Mikasa ignores him and wipes hanji’s face from the walker’s blood. They’re exposed, vulnerable. That's why Levi doesn’t like going on a mission with these two. They hold on too much to each other.

“Mikasa, go, now.” He hates using this authoritative tone with her. But if she doesn’t move right now, she’ll start panicking about hanji’s safety. Mikasa glances at him hesitant but then complies.

Hanji takes a shaky breath as she watches them leave. Levi reaches to cup her face in his hands, getting her attention on him. “We’ve done this multiple times, you’re trained, They’re just slow moving targets, don’t let the fear take over.” He knows her skills; he knows how good she is with guns. Still her fear of the contaminated always wins when she’s in a mission with them.

“I know…” She says after a beat of silence. “I know that but yet when I see them It’s just…”

“It’s okay. It’ll go away eventually, and then we’ll see how badass you are in the field.” He adds with a grin. Hanji smiles shyly at that and pats his hands over her cheeks.

“Thank you.” She whispers, and then takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry I freaked out.”

Levi lets go and waves her off. “It’s okay honestly. But we really need to move.”

Eren and Mikasa join them. Eren pats hanji’s back in support and leads her behind Levi. They retrieve the last machines they need, smaller than the previous ones, and rejoin the exit.

Mikasa slides behind the steering wheel and immediately drives off, tires screeching. No one speaks for several miles. Mikasa pulls off the road in the middle of the countryside.

They’ve been driving around for hours. They need to rest. Being constantly alert is tiresome for the body and the mind.

“Okay we need to decide now.” Mikasa pulls the map over her steering wheel. “A building, a hotel, a house…? We can’t sleep in the car we’re too exposed. We'll get going again tomorrow.”

“But if we keep going now, we might go home faster.”

Levi scoffs at Eren.

“So now we have to change the plan to fit your schedule?”

Eren frowns shaking his head.

“That’s not—”

“Oh it is. Because now everything is about you right? We should all move things around and leap for your needs and wishes. Perfect Eren looking out for everyone—”

“Levi, I get it you’re angry but you’re—”

“I’m what? Oh I’m sorry am I overacting? Does this bother you? Do you want me to get out of the car? Everyone let’s go home, Eren is uncomfortable!”

“Okay that’s enough.” Mikasa interferes sensing the tension between them. “I know you’re on edge but it’s not the time for bickering. If we could all just agree on something so we can have some rest and complete the mission.”

Levi takes a deep breath leaning back on his seat with his arms crossed over his chest.

“So? Where do we go?” Hanji says after a beat of silence.

 “A house,” Levi suggests. “It’s safer, it has one entrance maybe too if there’s a back door, less rooms, less hideouts for the contaminated. A safer place for us to control and secure.”

Levi doesn’t like cities, but that's where they would find a more secure shelter. They could find shelter in a house, which would be much safer than sleeping outside or in the car.

Everyone nods at that.

“Alright! It’s settled then.” Mikasa says as she drives off.

"Utgard" indicates the billboards at the entrance of the city into which they drive. The smashed-down streets are obviously deserted. Levi only sees doors torn from their hinges, buildings in ruins, garbage in the middle of the streets, scraps of metal.

These ancient cities are the exact representation of humanity’s fall. That's why Levi doesn’t like these places. They are nothing but desolation, misery and destruction. In addition to that, they’re hideouts of The Hunters according to Krista.

The roads are almost clear. Some cars had been abandoned on the sides; their owners were probably caught by surprise by an attack or lost consciousness because of the virus. But there aren’t so many cars on the streets, because the inhabitants were more cautious in the north of the country after the attack on the south. They knew that the virus was coming. They had deserted the cities, taking refuge in the countryside or shutting themselves up in their houses. Few vehicles were abandoned in the middle of the road because of a surprise zombie attack.

Community members who had lived in the south of the country spoke a different reality. There, especially in the cities near the coast, there were whole streets cluttered with vehicle carcasses. During the sudden spread of the epidemic, when detention centers of foreigners had yielded and let out the monsters they contained, panic had seized the inhabitants. Many had taken their cars in the hope of escaping. Most did not succeed. Because of traffic jams, some of them ended up abandoning their cars hoping to escape faster. Others had died in fires or in zombie attacks that this concentration of humans and noise drew irretrievably.

“Drive slower.” Levi instructs when they arrive at a suburban neighborhood. “We need to survey the area first.” They go around the neighborhood, few contaminated glance at the noise from their aimless roaming.

Mikasa goes through the back of a house with flaked blue shutters. She parks the car, ready to go for the next day. They put on their backpacks and open the car doors. Levi’s heart leaps painfully fast. He feels cold sweat runs down his back. He slings his M16 over his shoulder and they exit the car.

Levi’s out first. Under his feet, he sees the remains of the gravel path that led to the entrance. Nature had taken over its rights here too. The front garden is strewn with tall grass and brambles. The wooden veranda is greyish and the stairs creak under his feet. The door is closed. The tiles in the door are broken but it’s locked.

Levi reaches through the opening hastily, hating nothing more than staying uncovered in the middle of the street as well. He grimaces when he cuts himself slightly because of the broken glass and opens the latch. He motions for the others to wait. He puts on the suppressor over his rifle and bangs with his fist on the door.  He glances back to find them all aiming their rifles, waiting. He hears no movement from inside so he moves inside.

“Don’t let your guard down.”

Mikasa, who’s watching down the porch stairs, enters last.

The house is in relatively good condition, except for the mess in the living room. Like the vast majority of houses in town, it had been searched. Books, magazines and trinkets lay on the floor, the sofa is upside down, the table is toppled on the floor.

Mikasa pushes the dresser from the entrance behind the door to prevent anyone from entering. Levi motions for her to take care of the ground floor while he investigates the first floor. He climbs the stairs silently. There’s no sound in the house except the low voices of Eren and Hanji in the living room. Levi crosses the hall and opens each door.

The first door opens to a messy bathroom. The drawers had been emptied, the hygiene products on board. There are a few sponge towels on a clothes rack and toothbrushes in the sink. Hair elastics too. There must have been girls in this house.

The second door opens on a closet full of boxes which Levi doesn’t touch. The third, on a child's room. A little girl visibly, considering the pink walls. Dislocated dolls lay on the floor, memories of a child who never returned. Who’s probably not even alive anymore. There are pictures of horses and dolphins on the wall. Fluff on the bed. Classic.

The penultimate door opens to the parents’ room. In beige tones and light brown. The bed is unmade; the chest of drawers had been torn off. On the wall in front of the bed, a canvas depicting a lighthouse and the ocean. Levi loves the ocean. The last door is for a second bathroom.

Nothing to report.

Levi finally relaxes and goes down the stairs. Hanji and Eren had straightened the couch and chairs and pushed back the things lying on the floor. Mikasa is brooming.

_Mikasa… Brooming…_

The sight is too unfamiliar and weird that he bursts out laughing. The atmosphere is strange around him. He laughs even harder when he sees them staring at him in amazement, seemingly wondering if he had lost his mind.

“It's just that ... Mikasa looks so normal ... as if we’re not in the middle of a goddamn apocalypse.” He wipes tears from his eyes.

The others aren’t laughing. And it makes him crack up even more He feels a bit weak, but it’s too liberating and he enjoys it.

“Never mind.” He says, laughter dying down. “I'll go see if there’s anything usable in the kitchen.”

Levi walks away, chuckling. It’s probably the nerves. He needed to release the pressure after this day of tension.

Just as he walks into the kitchen he hears gunshots… But he told them to put the suppressors on… and they proofed the house…

Levi rushes to the living room.

Two men are fighting in the middle of the room.

Two… holograms.

Fascinated, Levi moves to the middle of the room and reaches for the two glittering shapes. He has heard about these new generation TVs but had never seen one working. Levi’s in the middle of a landscape created virtually by several projectors arranged around the square in which he stands. It’s... striking.

“Wow!” When he turns around, Hanji’s smiling at him, amused. She must have seen that in the City, she’s not impressed. Mikasa’s just as fascinated as Levi, contemplating the shapes that are evolving before her. Eren stares at Levi, impassive.

Levi sits in one of the chairs near them. They pull food and water brought from the base out of their backpacks. They spend the evening watching old movies from before the apocalypse. Hanji had explained to Levi that the house has a backup generator that directly powers the spotlight. It’s amazing that It’s still working after so much time.

“If we die because you thought it’s a good idea to watch TV while we’re trying to hide from walkers, I’m gonna bring you back to life and kill you again.” Mikasa warns Levi as they sit on the couches. Still, she snuggles up against Hanji who puts wraps her arm around her, drawing her closer.

They watch an action movie with racing cars. A romantic comedy. Horror movie. Eren and Hanji are amused by the reactions of their friends. They’re accustomed to that in the City but not Mikasa and Levi. Mikasa and Levi are discovering life as it was before. They discover the simplicity of life of this girl who complains about not finding love while, hey, go find love when ninety percent of the planet has turned into zombies. They discover the beauty of the landscapes and the buildings of former days in good conditions, not like those they see outside. They discover the skyscrapers they had been told about, those of the old city of New York, which no one knows what become of them.

When their last film rolls out its credits, they remain in the dark. Night had long since fallen outside.

“We should go to sleep,” Hanji whispers finally, after several minutes of silence.

Levi stretches his limbs. “Of course, it's late. I will take the first guard tour.”

Mikasa hesitates.

“Go to sleep,” He tells her pointing to the first floor. “You, too, Hanji. I’ll stay here.”

He doesn’t glance at Eren. He only talked to him that one time at the lab. He’s still mad at him.

“I do not really like the idea of you being alone downstairs,” Mikasa grumbles.

“I'll stay with him,” Eren says, stifling a yawn.

“No thanks. I’d rather not.” Levi growls, rolling his eyes.

“We’ll… split,” Eren says; face falling, but ignoring him. “Get some sleep and then we can switch. We don’t have to get up very early tomorrow morning. That way we can all have our chance to rest.”

Mikasa glances at Levi, who despite himself nods in agreement.

“There is a double bed down the hall on the left. Parents' room.”

Hanji yawns and grabs their belongings. In a few seconds, they disappear, leaving Eren and Levi alone. Eren stands up and walks to a corner of the room. Seconds later, Levi hears music playing at a low volume. Eren reaches the couch and lays down, closing his eyes.

Levi glares at him from his chair wordlessly. An hour passes, maybe two. Levi is flipping through old photo albums he found in the dressers. The family who lived here looked so happy. The little girl was blonde, with curly hair. Her father was as blond as she was; her mother had striking blue eyes. There were pictures of the child at birth, the first steps, her first day at school, carnivals, Halloween, the first time on a bike. The album stops when the girl was six years old. Levi wonders if it was only the album that stopped there or the girl’s life too.

“You’re hurting yourself,” Eren says after a moment, making him jump. “To delve into this kind of painful memories and to think that all these people are probably dead in unpleasant circumstances, it brings you down.”

“A lot of things are bringing me down these days.” Levi retorts coldly, slamming the album shut. “You would know.”

Eren sighs. He knows exactly what Levi’s referring to.

“I couldn’t tell you, Levi.” He says sitting up.

Levi sighs angrily. “I don’t care—”

“You know it as much as I do. I couldn’t tell you because you would have risked your life going to the City to recover this remedy.”

“You’re wrong.” Levi puts the album away. He starts pacing around the room.

“You know I’m right.” Eren stands up as well, walking towards him. “Others do not trust you only because you are good at survival. They entrust you with those they love because you fight for them. For everyone. You leave no one behind; you would sacrifice yourself for your people. I’ve lived those deaths with you, I went through it to. So, no, I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t want to watch you die for "the good cause", you see.”

Levi remains silent for a moment, gritting his teeth in annoyance. He really doesn’t want to have a fight right now. Eren reaches out to touch him and he pulls away.

“You lived through that?” He spits, inches from his face. “No you didn’t. I did, Mikasa did. Hanji did. Our community and the people who knew Nanaba and Cis did. But not you! You were probably worried that we’d ask you to get the cure for us. You’re fucking selfish. We could have helped them. I hate myself for not being able to save all those who have died. But we could’ve helped Cis and Nanaba. We could have helped them if you fucking told me. But you didn’t. You probably wanted to save your ass for all I know.” He shrugs angrily. “I mean do I even know anything about you? Or what you did? Or who you are? Look, you’ve been here for months and it’s just a week ago that I found out who your family is!”

“Levi, please! Don’t turn this around. It’s not about _that_.” Eren cowers away from him.

 _You’re right. It’s not about that_ , he wants to say. _It’s about how I confided in you; it’s about how you saw my vulnerabilities and weaknesses. It’s about how you came to me to comfort me. And you knew about it. You betrayed that trust. You ruined whatever we built. It’s about how despite everything. I gave you a second chance, I treated you with respect. It’s about how you turned your back on me._

But he doesn’t say any of that. He doesn’t even want to acknowledge those thoughts. Eren doesn’t matter. He shouldn’t matter. His opinion and his friendship shouldn’t matter. But somehow it does and Levi hates himself for letting it slip in. he moves away from him sitting back down. his hands curl into fists on his lap.

_Easy, just ignore him for a few hours._

Eren regains his seat after a beat of silence. “Levi, we spent dozens of nights together on that roof.” He says desperately. “I saw you, under your good days and your bad days. I saw the worst and the best sides of you. There are bits of you that you gave me those nights, to me and nobody else. I know who you are. You don’t open yourself to people, often. You let them think that you are untouchable, far away, that you are the cold and capricious kid who likes to fight. Yet you are so different from what you show to others. You are so much more than that. Most of the time, even with me, you hide under this kind of carapace and you let me think that nothing touches you but after ... After, we see you with Armin. Or we see you watching Mikasa and Hanji when they are together. Or marcel. We hear you talk about freedom and hope on a rooftop one night. You're thirsty for life. You want to live so much that it's painful to hear about it without being able to give you any of what you want.”

Levi's heart beats painfully fast. Too fast for his taste. _Where is this coming from?_

“You have that in you. The power to captivate the crowds, to play with people, to fascinate them. I couldn’t tell you about this cure, Levi, because you could have convinced the whole base to come with you to be killed. You would have had the power. But, knowing you, you would have been there alone, to endanger no one. And I don’t want to see you die. As much as some days, I can’t stand you - especially when you're hungry or you're tired because you're unbearable and you keep complaining - as much, other days, I could spend hours just watching you talk and live and breathe, because you have this effect on people. You fascinate.”

 “I… fascinate you?”

He regrets it the moment it comes out. Hearing that shouldn’t make him feel the way he’s feeling right now. It shouldn’t make him feel warm all over. It shouldn’t make his chest flare with satisfaction.

“You fascinate everyone. We love you, we hate you, we fear you, and you only inspire strong feelings. It's always like that with you. It's exhausting.”

“Why exhausting?” His voice is small, unfamiliar to his own ears. He glances at him and Eren’s eyes soften. His lips stretch into a small smile.

“We can never know which way to dance with you. We can never know on which Levi we’ll fall, the one who plays, the one who kills zombies, the real Levi. We dance with you, but it's always you who leads the dance. We just follow.”

Levi looks away from him. He didn’t expect that. He didn’t expect Eren to see him that way. He didn’t expect him to say this. He doesn’t know what to reply. He’s not even sure he wants to listen to what he says or pays attention. He’s not used to saying what he thinks, much less what he feels. He’s always shown people his love with gestures, never with words. He’s not good at saying beautiful things like Eren does. He doesn’t know how to open up that way. He does it at night, on the roof, with him, because everything is always easier to let out in the darkness. Everything is always harder when it comes to confessing things in the light of day.

“I hate how I trusted you.” He ends up saying. Kenny always insisted on communication and how it helps building trust with people. Then words started coming out on their own. “I hate how despite not knowing much of you I believed whatever you told me. I hate how I gave you a second chance and then you did this. Even though you have your reasons, which I still don’t understand. I hate how you couldn’t even trust me with something like this.” He takes a deep breath, hugging his hands around his chest.

“No, Levi. It’s not about trust. I think we’ve established how much I trust you from day one.” Eren scoops closer to him. “It’s about how important you are to everyone. And how much being helpless will make you feel worse especially when you know there’s something out there that could stop this. I’m not trying to make you forgive me or whatever. It’s just that… you’re my family now.” Eren lets out hesitantly. Levi freezes in his seat.

_Family?_

“And just so you know, I never know how to act with you, too,” he says after a beat of silence. “I don’t know what we are. I don’t know if I have the right to touch you, if I have the right to speak to you in public or if I have the right to show that we are something other than acquaintances. Because to me we are. But I do not know if it is like that for you.”

Eren let’s out a laugh, Levi looks up to see him shaking his head.

“I just told you that you fascinate me and that you’re my family Levi. We are definitely more than acquaintances.”

Levi nods suppressing a smile. Eren lies back staring at the ceiling. Levi stares at him. He has loosened his hair and it fell around his shoulders. He’s so close that Levi only has to reach out to touch his hair or his neck.

He doesn’t do it, obviously.

He remains carefully distant.

Because that's what he always does, right?

**

Hanji and Mikasa join them to switch five hours later. Hanji looks surprised to find them talking as if nothing ever happened. When they left them earlier they were in semi-cold war. Mikasa doesn’t seem fazed.

She has that amused smile as if she knows, without Levi needing to tell her anything.

Eren and Levi go up in silence. There was only one bed. Levi winces and stops in front of the little girl's room.

“I can sleep there if you want, it's not—”

“Don’t be ridiculous, this bed is too small, even for you.”

Eren grabs him by the wrist to force him to follow. Levi mentally slaps himself for liking that.

“The hell do you mean, _even for me_?”

“Well ... You're the size of a gnome, so…”

Levi gasps indignant, jerking off from his grasp.

“What? A gnome? How dare you—?”

He pauses abruptly when Eren starts unbuttoning his pants. He’s back to him.

_Levi look away, don’t be a creep. Look away._

_He has ... a very nice ass._

“Yes?”

Eren’s tone is laced with amusement. Did he suspect that Levi is shamefully checking out his butt? Levi clears his throat and quickly looks away.

“Why are you undressing? Do you think we’re in vacation?”

“What’s the point of sleeping if you don’t do it comfortably?” his voice gets muffled by removing his shirt.

“Good point.” Levi nods to himself. He removes his clothes, before slipping under the sheets and turning to the wall, back to Eren. He closes his eyes tightly when he feels the mattress weight shifting near him.

“Good night, Levi.” He hears few seconds later.

Levi takes a few moments to control his voice.

“Good night, Eren.”

He has no idea what is going on.

**

It’s strange to wake up the next morning and discover Mikasa, Hanji and Eren all seated at the kitchen table. Like a group of friends, before the apocalypse. Like an ordinary family.

Levi slept quite well, except for the fact that he jumped as soon as he touched Eren and alerted himself to the slightest sound. He grumbles a _“morning_ ” as he drops into the chair next to Eren. He pours himself a glass of water and bites into a cake under the amused eyes of the others.

“What?” He mumbles, glancing at them.

“Slept poorly?” Hanji questions, holding back a smile.

“Yes and no. He moves a lot in his sleep,” Levi says nodding towards Eren.

“That’s not true.”

“It is true. You stick to people when you sleep and you take up all the space.”

Eren pouts. Levi rolls his eyes. He’s adorable.

“You also talk in your sleep but I wasn’t gonna make a fuss about it.”

Levi shakes his head rolling his eyes again.

“Of course, of course. And what did I say?” He says, taking a sip of water.

“That you are crazy about me, of course.”

Levi chokes on his glass of water. Hanji, the traitor, is cry-laughing. While Mikasa pats his back to rid of the cough.

“Neither in this life, nor in another.” Levi narrows his eyes.

“Whatever you say.” Eren smirks, nodding knowingly.

Levi wants to drown in his glass, it would be less embarrassing.

 

**

 

Their next destination is infected with zombies. They are everywhere around the multi-story warehouse they are supposed to join. Mikasa parks in a deserted adjoining street and turns to Levi.

“What do we do?”

“Do we have a choice? Let's go find the back of the warehouse.” He shrugs. “You stay in the car just in case we need it.” Then he glances at the others. “We go inside and we do it quickly.”

Mikasa nods and restarts the engine. They turn around the warehouse to find the back. Luckily, there’s no sign of life, human or zombie at the moment from the back alley.

“Hurry up.”

Hanji kisses Mikasa's lips. Levi’s already outside adjusting the strap of his M16. Eren zips his backpack shut and flings it on his shoulder.

“I'm taking the lead, follow behind carefully” Levi whispers, putting his hand on Eren’s wrist to get his attention. “You cover our backs.”

Eren nods. Mikasa drives off and backs up to a small street further, parking just at the corner. Levi pulls pliers from his bag to cut through the fence.

“Is that necessary?” Hanji asks, worriedly looking around.

“Just in case we can’t leave from the main entrance. You won’t be able to jump over the fence if you’re carrying something.”

They walk through the fence hole towards the back door. As he twists the handle he realizes that it’s locked.

“Do we break the door?” Eren asks.

“For the whole neighborhood to hear us?” Hanji frowns, glancing at him. “No! We’ll go from somewhere else. We shouldn’t waste time!”

“Or, we go through there.” Levi suggests pointing at an opening in the wall, hidden by a board.

That's a human idea; hide a hole with a board. Maybe there are other survivors like them here.

They nod but no one moves.

“Eh… You’re the only one small enough to fit there…” Eren prompts hesitantly. Levi glances back at the hole then rolls his eyes.

“Fine, I’ll open the door from inside then. Be careful.”

He takes his backpack off and pulls his rifle from his shoulder before removing the board. The pathway is very narrow. He pushes his head first to take a look before swinging his rifle to the other side. He lies flat and pushes himself in by his forearms. Once on the other side, he picks up his rifle and turns to the door. The door is blocked from the inside by a large wooden board slipped between the handles.

Levi swings his rifle over his shoulder and pulls with difficulty the heavy wooden boards that block the door. Levi winces at the sound the rusty metal hinges make when he pulls the handle.

“We'll have to do it very quickly. No doubt they’ve heard that.”

Hanji is livid. Eren seems determined. They rush into the warehouse, Levi in the lead, lighting the way. If the outside seemed to be full of zombies, the interior of the building looks strangely deserted. For the moment at least.

In front of them lays dozens of shelves and multiple aisles. He feels desperate for a moment wondering how can they go through such a maze.  

Hanji rushes to the bulletin boards at the end of each aisle, lighting them with her troche.

“I studied this classification system when I was in school. If I'm not mistaken, we should first go there and—”

Noise is heard at the main door. Not the one they went through but the other one.

“Stop talking and hurry up,” Levi orders curtly, watching for the surroundings, his eyes narrowing through the darkness.

Hanji rushes through the shelves, Eren behind her. They have too many products to take; it’s going to take too much time.

“Hanji, behind you!” Eren calls. Just as Levi turns around, Hanji has already pulled out her knife and stabbed through its head, pushing it to the shelves. Levi smiles proudly. More zombies appear behind her and Eren charges at them this time. Levi circles the shelf and shoots them from behind.

“It’s clear,” he says looking around. “Keep going guys.”

More noise is heard from the back entrance, the one they used to enter the building.

Levi raises his torch looking for another exit quickly. He walks around, leaving them behind. On his left runs a staircase, then another corridor. At the end, an old red sign indicates "Emergency exit".

He feels it. A presence, looming just behind him. Then he hears the footsteps. He turns around and points his rifle in the direction of the intruder, ready to shoot.

“ _Hey, it's us!”_

“Sorry,” Levi lowers his gun a few inches from Hanji’s wide eyes. “Do you have everything?”

Eren nods. He’s carrying a cardboard just like Hanji. Levi is the only one holding a weapon.

“Okay. We move then.”

As he rushes to the stairs he has just located, Hanji whispers behind him:

“Why don’t we go out from where we came?”

“Because they’re here.”

Levi's instinct had not deceived him. When he turns his flashlight to the hallway they had taken after entering, a pale face greets him, making Hanji and Eren jump.

“Let's go!” He tells them as he shoots it in the forehead. “Go, go, go.”

Eren runs up the stairs, Hanji and Levi right behind him.

“To the right!”

Eren stops once he reaches the top of the stairs.

“I'll pick the door, move—”

Levi doesn’t have time to finish his sentence. Eren quickly puts his things down and knocks the door down, kicking it several times. Daylight hits them, momentarily blinding them. The door opens to a rusty fire escape.

“Admit that you're impressed,” Eren taunts at seeing Levi's shocked expression.

“I'll send you flowers later, sweetheart.”

“Literally, not the time!” Hanji complains beside them.

“Alright, I’ll go down first.”

Levi moves past them to run down the stairs, making sure the others are following. He leaps forward landing on his feet.  As he looks around, he gulps. The street is infested with corpses. Behind a dumpster a little further, two zombies raise their heads towards him. He aims his rifle and shoots, once, twice, and straight through head.

He starts running again, the other two behind him. Mikasa is parked at the other corner; they’re hidden from her for the moment. The zombies begin to stir and hurry towards them. They’re soon going to be surrounded.

They could make it. They could outrun them, even with loaded arms, Levi believes in them. But then something catches his eyes. A flash, a reflection of light from above.

Still running he looks up searching for the source. Just few inches behind him, a spray of gravel flings up by a random bullet. The sound of the bullet echoing through the quiet alley.

He glances behind him just in time to see Eren collapsing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm late - again-! i mean who's still going by a schedule? i sure as hell don't! anyway! if you were in Eren's shoes would you have told Levi? or anyone, about the cure? knowing there's absolutely no way they could get it? i'm curious to know hahah! thank you for reading, for the kudos, for the comments, everything! love you guys, hope you like this <3


	18. Surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song at the end is Welcome to the Jungle by Guns 'n Roses

Eren collapses.

Levi was afraid for a second. He was afraid to call out for him, and equally afraid that he'd find him dead.

“Get down!” Levi shouts as he lurches forward dragging Hanji with him. “Go over there,” He points towards a car.

“Eren?” He crawls beside him, shooting blindly at the direction where the bullet came from. “Eren!”

Eren's green eyes are wide and he pants heavily as he’s pulled backwards. Levi resists the urge to throw himself at Eren and wrap his arms around his neck.

“I’m okay.” Eren says breathless, sitting up. “It took me by surprise.”

“What the fuck was that?” Hanji asks holding her rifle to her chest.

“I guess we’re not the only humans in the area.”

“Can you fix that?” Levi asks pointing to Eren’s arm. There’s a wound on his bicep, bleeding heavily. “Hey, get out of there!” A woman shouts, probably the shooter.

“So that you can shoot us? Out of the question!” Eren yells back surprising them.

“I need to clean this wound and he's going to need quite a few stitches, inside and out. But, for the most part, the bullet just grazed him. I can fix him up. There's no bullet to dig out.” Hanji sighs with relief after taking a look at the wound.

“What do you want?” Levi calls out for the woman, as Hanji takes care of Eren’s wound.

“Right back at you,” Answers the voice. “There’s no reason for you to be here. This is my area!”

“We are not trying to steal from you, we’re only passing by!”

There’s a beat of silence.

“That should stop the bleeding.” He glances back at Hanji’s voice. “If Mikasa gets here it’s going to be messy.”

Levi sighs in annoyance looking around for a solution. The door right next to them won’t open.

_“Do you have a camp?”_ the woman asks again.

Levi glances at his teammates.

“No.”

Then he’s startled by her firing right on the car.

“What the fuck!”

“ _You’re lying! You have backpacks on and you seem to be in good condition.”_

“Keep stalling.” Eren tells him through gritted teeth. He pulls his backpack off slinging his rifle strap over his shoulder.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Levi frowns at him.

“Showing you my worth.” He smirks, “Fighting contaminated is not my thing, but I’m trained to deal with humans.”

_“Come on! Come out of there. Don’t make it harder!”_

“Hanji shoot from the other side on my mark.” Eren says.

She nods sliding to the left. Levi doesn’t like this.

“Trust me.” Eren pats his shoulder when he notices his hesitation. When their eyes meet, Levi knows that he can trust him. He sees it in Eren’s eyes. The fiery determination to fulfill his mission.

“Out of the question, we’re getting out of here. We just want to leave in peace.” Levi screams back.

The woman laughs. Eren peaks around the surroundings discreetly; he knows the range of a rifle, he knows how it works. And by the direction of the graze, he can tell where it came from. He will find her.

“Shoot!”

Hanji aims higher shooting off at walkers appearing from the side of the building.

“There she is! I see her; she's looking for us, second floor from the opposite building.” Eren whispers.

_“Give me your coordination and I’ll let you go alive. If not, you're not getting out of here, my friends are coming back."_

“Is that what it is then?” Eren screams. He charges his M16, glancing at Levi. “Cover me.”

“Zombies coming from behind.” Hanji warns.

“Fuck!”

“I’ve got you back.” She switches with Levi. “Kill this bitch.”

Levi glances at Eren again and they nod. 

“You’ve rejected our peace offering.” Eren calls for the woman. “Then you die.” Levi doesn’t like the sound of that. He wishes for this situation to be avoided without deaths. Why can’t humans stand by each other in times of need?

Eren nods towards Levi who takes a deep breath.

_It’s either her or us._ Levi reminds himself before jumping at once and shoots where Eren indicated. He spots her. A blond female with a Barrett M82 on a tripod.

Bullet after bullet pierces the wall around the sniper, causing her to flinch with each near miss. He hears Hanji shooting behind them as well. The sound is going to attract more zombies around here. Eren takes the chance to aim. All it takes are a few missed shots and soon the sniper goes out of sight, inside.

Eren slides away from the car ignoring Levi hissing for him to come back. Dropping to one knee, he holds the rifle ready for a quick shot, for it seems certain that she would come in sight again. The wound on his bicep where the bullet grazed him burns with movement. Then he sees her again, sapphire eyes in fierce rage as she aims. But he’s already won. He’s been waiting for her. A smirk forms on his lips as he shoots. The woman falls forward with a thud, her weapon a few inches from her head.

“Clear!” Eren says, rising from his position.

Levi glances at Eren then at the dead woman with parted lips. The woman is swimming in a pool of her own blood.

“What the hell were you thinking ignoring me like that?” He recovers snapping at him and punching him on his other arm.

Eren grabs his backpack raising his eyebrows. “I had to! I couldn’t get a clear shot from there.”

“Eren Jaeger! You’re full of surprises!” Hanji pops beside them patting Eren’s back. “We need to go now, though!”

Levi pulls his two daggers out of the holsters on his back as the zombies came upon them.

“Hanji, help him pick up the things and run!”

“What about you?”

“Run, I’ll be right behind you!”

Levi has a couple of seconds to make sure they’re gone before turning towards the contaminated. The zombie reaches him with its hands stretched out like it wants to hug. He swings his dagger through the zombie's head. There is a little girl among them, a blonde. Levi thinks, for a fraction of a second, of the little girl of the house in which they had stopped the day before. He thrusts his dagger through her ear. They’re no longer humans. These people are dead and want to kill his friends.

They are more than ten. Levi uses everything within his reach to jump, bounce, twirl, and attack them from behind. He jumps away, out of reach of their hands, rolls, throws himself on the right of the group of zombies before they can realize he’s there. Several fall but others keep coming. At least his friends are safe.

They are too many crowding the space and Levi is alone.

He’s going to die. Seeking a cure they might never find. Eren was right. He had always been ready to sacrifice himself for others and he was ready to sacrifice himself for this remedy, for this hope. Otherwise, he would have picked up Hanji and kept running. Instead, by confronting the contaminated, he had given Hanji and Eren the time needed to pick up the substances and products that Krista needed to create this remedy.

Although he’s flexible and agile, he’s extremely exhausted.

He’s going to die.

He tries to bust the building door open but it won’t budge. He jumps over the car and tries to climb to the emergency ladder but it won’t move.

_Shit!_

A horn echoes behind him, and he hears the squeal of tires. Levi throws himself on the side. The Range Rover hits the crowd of zombies with a dull sound of crushed flesh and broken bones. Levi hits his head as he lands on the ground. His vision darkens around the edges as everything sways. He pushes himself up with difficulty, staggering. He barely realizes when two hands grab him and drag him inside the car. A heavy body presses over him.

“I have him, Go!”

The car swerves and the engine roars as Mikasa clears places of carnage. Hanji's voice rings out immediately, worried:

“Is he okay? Eren, is he all right?”

The mass on Levi's body diminishes a little when Eren straightens up.

  _Oh, the mass was Eren's body._

Levi is lying in the back seat and Eren is leaning over him. Levi must have bumped his head hard. He sees black spots through his vision.

“Levi, do you hear me?” Eren's low, worried voice is so close.

Levi nods but then winces.

“I'm just—...It’s— I… It’s ringing.”

“Take off his clothes, make sure he's not bitten,” Hanji orders, facing back from her front seat.

Eren's hands carefully undo the straps holding Levi's dagger cases behind his back. Then around his arms and legs. 

“Where are my daggers?”

“They’re here.” Eren gently pushes him back down. “It's not important right now, stay still.”

Levi frowns. He closes his eyes willing the spots to disappear.

“It's always important. The weapons.”

Eren ignores him.

“Raise your arms.”

Eren grabs the edge of his T-shirt and pulling it over Levi's head. He lifts his hips to leave a space between his body and Levi’s.

“Back away.”

Levi shifts to the seat to get away a bit but Eren stops him. He undoes the button of his pants and squirms to take it off him too. Levi’s half-naked under Eren and this was not planned in his schedule when he got up this morning.

“Don’t take advantage of me,” Levi says weakly.

He hears Eren laugh.

“As if there’s something to take advantage of.”

Admittedly, Levi doesn’t have breasts, but the pumps and the intensive physical training he does, gives him a very nice body. If Eren had been inclined to men, he would have—

Eren's hands are over his stomach, on his chest, on his arms, checking the slightest scratch, the slightest trace on his body. Eren's hands are cold over his skin.

“You have scars everywhere.”

Levi sneers.

 “Well, I have a dangerous life.”

“Sit up for me.”

Levi moves with difficulty, Hanji bends over her front seat to help him sit. Eren moves into the Range Rover so he could sit behind him and examine his back. He moves his hands everywhere making Levi shudder.

“You can get dressed when I'm done, sorry if you're cold.”

_Cold? Ah, if only._

Levi applies himself to thinking about dead animals and rotting zombies rather than Eren's big hands wandering over his skin.

Eren passes in front of him, lifting Levi' legs to sit underneath. He checks his legs at last and breathes a sigh of relief before looking up at Hanji.

“He has nothing. Just scratches and cuts that will have to be disinfected.”

“My head hurts,” Levi whines.

Eren moves again.

_Damn, this guy is everywhere._

He leans over Levi and his fingers comb through Levi’s hair back.

“You’re bleeding a lot. This probably needs stitches. Hanji, do you have a compress? Disinfectant?”

Levi hears her going through her bag before she gives Eren what he needs. Levi feels like a doll in Eren's hands. He disinfects each of the scratches and cuts that Levi has on his body and keeps the compress pressed against his head. He sits back with Levi’s head in his lap.

 “You know more about my body than most of the planet now. Although to be honest, what follows when I get undressed is usually a little nicer than your very ... disinfected approach, Eren. I give you a four. Two points for your pretty face, two because you take care of me.” Levi said after a moment, his eyes still closed.

Mikasa snorted at the front.

“Oh! Mikasa! You’re alive!” His cheerful tone makes her laugh.

“Yep! I'm alive. What about you?”

“I don’t know. Ask my personal doctor. He’s cute. He takes good care of me.”

“He got a hell of a blow on his head,” Hanji says, laughing at Levi's trailing tone.

Eren helps him put his shirt back on, but Levi refuses to wear his pants back. No pants. The world is better without pants.

“Do we have all the products? You have recovered everything?”

“We have everything,” Eren says softly next to him.

Levi finally opens his eyes. He did not expect Eren to be so close. He didn’t expect to have his head on his lap.

“This closeness between us, Jaeger, is unusual. It's not because I'm weak and dying that you have to take advantage of me.”

 Hanji groans glancing back at him. “I’m getting second hand embarrassment. Shut him up! Please!” She shakes her head. “Do you see, Eren? He's like that when he's drunk as well.”

Eren scoffs. “He's like this all the time.”

Levi slaps his leg. Strangely, his hand remains there. On Eren's thigh.

_Nice firm thigh._

“I’m tired.”

“I’d prefer if you don’t sleep. You may have a concussion.” Eren says, brushing Levi’s hair back.

“Hum… Tell me a story then.”

Eren sighs rolling his eyes but Levi sees a smile. He obeys only because he’s relieved that Levi is alive.

**

They’re still driving when the sun sets. Levi feels so much better. He had put on his pants.

“So where to?” Levi questions when he looks through the window.

“We’re all too tired to drive, Let’s spend the night there.” Mikasa parks a few meters away from a hotel. “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

The surroundings are strangely empty. Levi has a bad feeling.

“I don’t know… let me think… Oh we could die!” He frowns looking at her.

Hanji cuts him off.

“Look it’s not a bad idea. The hotel room doors are heavy. We will be safer there.”

It’s true that it is far from stupid, when you think about it, only there is a big chance they fall on more contaminated than they can handle.

“I’m with Levi.” Eren says “There are more hideouts in a hotel than in a house. So twice as many places to find zombies.”

“We can’t waste more time! It’s getting darker. Let’s have a look if it’s risky we leave.”

“Okay, okay. But I’m warning you, I don’t like this.”

Levi tries not to panic. Every step that brings them closer to the hotel screams danger. If the hotel is still standing, then there must be people there, right?

They walk inside the hotel with their torches at hand. Levi is tense as he steps inside the dark building. So far, the front double door is intact. From the little he can see the hall is trashed. He hears hissing and when he waves his torch around he sees a zombie crawling in the middle. It’s missing a leg but it doesn’t prevent it from running straight to him. Levi sighs waving his torch on Mikasa’s face in a gesture that says, _“I told you so”_. He extracts his machete from his belt and stabs it through his head. No need for guns.

Mikasa goes behind the counter of the reception.

“I think people live or have lived here. All staff keys are stored in these envelopes. Here are the keys of the rooms, it is noted that the upper floors to the second are safe and can be accessed through the south staircase.”

“But the contaminated came from that corridor.”

That means it's not as safe as it should have been and it's scary to realize.

“It is noted here that the hotel suite can be accessed by a service staircase,” Mikasa adds as she searches around the papers. “It means that the suite has unique access. Well, if we don’t count the elevator that for obvious reasons is out of order.”

“It's the safest,” Eren agrees. “A staircase, a single door. We don’t have time to check all the doors of every single hallway.”

“Okay, where are the service stairs?”

Hanji flattens a huge paper on the counter. The hotel evacuation map. And they find the staircase is just after the door behind the counter. Door on which is written: "Always leave closed. Never open during the night. Under any circumstances. Key, under the phone.”

Eren lifts the phone. The key is there. What are the chances of them finding a vintage Hotel with actual keys and not room cards…

“If the key is there, it's because no one is inside right?” Hanji asks.

No one answers. Eren unlocks the door.

“I'm not going in there,” He says, shaking his head in disbelief. “I'm going back to the car. I’ll sleep hidden under the car if I have to but it is out of the question that I get inside.”

Levi doesn’t know what to do. He is opposed to the whole thing but for the sake of the group he followed inside. The hallway is too dark that it feels like a black hole. Eren is right.

“Eren, come on. The door was closed, no Zombie could have entered!” Mikasa rolls her eyes.

 “What if they died up there? Huh? If ever the one who left the key never came back because they were all dead? It’s dark inside we don’t know what’s in there.”

“Except that it's dark outside as well, and seeing the word on the door,” Hanji insists, “there's someone in the hotel.”

Eren glances outside. The night has fell. There’s a walker roaming around, coming from the street he must have heard them. The others notice it but nobody moves.

“Don’t waste your time he will not disturb us, he is too far away.”

Eren turns to Levi.

“What does your instinct tells you?” He asks him.

Levi hesitates.

“It tells me that we should leave this place. We’re safer outside then here.”

And just as if to confirm his words, a scream echoes thought the hotel. There is so much suffering in the scream that Levi could almost feel the pain of this person. The scariest thing is that it's not a human who has screamed. It's the contaminated outside. Everyone jumps and flash their torch to the direction of the contaminated. He’s running towards them.

“ _Oh my god_!” Hanji shrieks in horror. “ _It’s a Hunter_!”

_“Go, go, go!”_ Mikasa pushes her inside the hallway as they all start running.

“Run faster!” Eren rushes behind them.

Levi climbs the stairs as fast as he can. Adrenaline courses through his system as a fight or flight instinct.

Then Eren gasps slowing down. “We didn’t close the door!”

He intends to turn back but he hears another howl, louder – closer this time – Levi pulls him by the hand to keep going. Levi doesn’t know how many floors they climbed like that, maybe five or six, but when they get to the door of the suite and Mikasa tries all the keys she finds, Levi realizes that they’re stuck.

“There's nothing that works!”

His heart beats in his chest, pounding, banging, trying to get out. Mikasa tries everything but it doesn’t turn.

_“Fuck!”_ She screams in frustration. “ _Come on!”_

When a cry echoes on the stairs, they all hold their breaths. Nobody speaks. Nobody moves. Levi wonders if It'll leave if it doesn’t hear them. But suddenly they hear him scream again and they quickly realize that he’s running up the stairs.

The only reason they’re not dead right now is because it hasn't found them yet. For a second Levi thought they could make it. Normal contaminated don’t think to actually climb stairs. But he should have known better than to believe that. This is a Hunter. They have limited data on it. They don’t know what effect he could have on them, nor how to kill it.

Mikasa tries the keys again and as Levi points his weapon at the lock, the key turns. The door opens and they all run inside. Levi and Eren close the door and a few seconds later, what was chasing them slams against it. Almost knocking it down.

They’re all panting, pointing their flashlight in each direction. The room is empty.

“I don’t want to say I told you so,” Levi starts between pants. “But I fucking told you so.”

“Levi this is not the time for you sass.” Mikasa warns glaring. The tension is at it’s highest. Levi knows that there’s no point in blaming someone. But it’s always easier to hold someone responsible when a situation goes wrong. He should have taken the decision and stopped them from coming inside.

They hear the Hunter scratching at the door, screaming. Eren shudders beside him.

“So, what do we do now, Sherlock?” Mikasa pushes a bed side table against the door.

“We go through the fire escape,” Levi simply answers. He points towards the balcony.

“The windows won’t open,” Hanji, retorts with annoyance as she tries to pull on the handle.

“Back away.” Eren warns before swinging a big chair through the first window he sees.

The commotion inside excites the Hunter so much that he begins to bang against the door, which trembles under his weight. The blows are spaced, regular, as if he’s backing away and running against the door.

“The door is not going to hold for long.” Levi watches in worry as the lock jostles each time.

“I’m out of power guys.” Eren shakes his flashlight but it won’t work.

“I have extra batteries.” Levi fishes through his backpack and hands them to Eren.

“ _Let's go!”_

Without wasting another second, they rush out the window and climb to the other side without problem. The stairs are still intact - at least that's what Levi hopes. Eren goes first; he easily climbs the ledge with them lighting the other side. Hanji is next. The screams of the Hunter are more and more intense and the crack that they hear from the room pushes them to run faster through the fire escape.

“Everyone to the car!”

Mikasa stops one more time to shoot a walker moving faster than the others and they all run towards the car. Everyone settles in when something bangs against the windows. Levi jumps in fright waving his flashlight to find a contaminated smashing his face against the glass. Mikasa doesn’t waste another second before starting the engine and drives off running over them in her way.

“I hope we’ve all learned a lesson today.” Levi leans back against his seat, wiping sweat from his forehead. “Always trust what Levi says okay?”

“Okay, jeez. I get it I’m sorry everyone.” Mikasa sighs, her hand tightens around the steering wheel. “We’ll go to a house.”

They lapse into tense silence before clearing her throat.

“I know this is serious and everything but seeing that Hunter so close is awesome.”

Nobody talks for a second before they all burst out laughing.

“It would have been a pleasure dying beside you all.” Eren says after a while.

**

Mikasa drives in the suburbs. They barricade the house they’re taking shelter in for the night. Hanji cleans Eren’s wound and stitches it. Levi is impressed by Eren’s pain tolerance. He didn’t even wince or flinch.

“Why didn’t we go straight back to the base by the way?” Eren asks, stretching his back as they all drop on sofa. “We could’ve made it. We don’t have any more places to visit tomorrow.”

Mikasa, Hanji and Levi exchange a look.

“It's a surprise,” Hanji winks at him. “You'll see tomorrow.”

Eren freezes. “A surprise? For me?”

“Yep!”

Eren's face lights up like a Christmas tree. He sheepishly smiles, sitting down beside them. Levi feels like punching himself for getting feelings from that reaction. He slips into the kitchen— in search of edible food— and stops in front of the window, discerning the stars.

“I miss it too. Seeing the stars every night.”

 Levi turns to Eren.

“Hanging out, together.” Eren proceeds making eye contact.

“It's only been two nights that we haven’t been there.”

Eren shrugs.

“I know. Doesn’t matter.”

Then he turns to the living room. Levi glances at the window one more time before following behind. Eren is leaning on the doorframe when Levi approaches him. He stands on his tiptoes to look over his shoulder.

Hanji is in Mikasa's arms on the couch. She says something and Mikasa laughs, that laugh that she has only for Hanji. Levi smiles without even realizing it. The most striking thing was to realize that Eren is smiling too.

“You don’t have any more problems with them from what I see.”

Eren shrugs again.

“I find them beautiful.”

Levi is touched.

“I was horrible to them at first. To all of you. I couldn’t get close, I couldn’t understand you or accept you. And now I realize that all I’ve been made to believe is a lie. I realized that it doesn’t matter who you love, it doesn’t matter who you find attractive. I realized that we’re all equally human. Nothing about you makes you different from me. I can touch you without having any problem or fear.”

Levi inhales a little too abruptly. Eren gives him a questioning look. Levi then realizes how close their faces are. He backs away a little bit, clearing his throat.

“Uh, yes, you have evolved since your first day. I'm proud of you. I'll give you a medal on the way home.”

“And flowers, for breaking down the door.”

Eren smiles. Levi wants to do unreasonable things to him.

“Don’t push too far. Either, the flowers or the medal, you think I’m rich or something?”

Eren shakes his head. Levi discerns his dimples in the semi-darkness.

“You have no money, Levi, nobody has money at home. I like you just the way you are.”

Levi wills his entire being to ignore the last part and pretends to be offended.

“What prejudices! I am outraged!”

He jostles Eren’s the shoulder to join his two friends in the living room. He felt his stomach flutter. Which is weird for him. He’s never had digestive problems before. They eat what’s left of the food they’ve brought with them.

Levi and Eren take the first watch again. Levi is lying on the floor, Eren on the couch. They talk about everything to lighten the mood.

“It was very brave. What you did this afternoon for Hanji. You threw yourself in front of her to protect her.”

Levi stares at the ceiling. He shrugs.

 “I know it's normal for you, but it's not for many.” Eren continues in his place. “You are always ready to save everyone. Even people you don’t know—me.”

Levi smiles.

“When Krista arrived at the base, it reminded me when I brought you back. And when we took over the Range Rover two days ago, it was like we had returned several months back. We had not taken this car together ever since. I remember, you were hostile to any form of contact, yet you didn’t want me to get away from you in the car.”

“Because you were hot,” Eren says and Levi chuckles.

“Well, thanks!”

“Hot as in temperature, you were warm!” He blushes realizing what it sounds like. “When you spend several weeks alone in an environment populated by dead people, you forget a little what human life is like.”

Eren straightens up and joins Levi on the floor, sitting cross-legged next to him.

“Give me your hand.”

“Do you want to marry me already? Oh, Eren, aren’t you going too fast—”

Eren slaps him on the shoulder, making Levi laugh again. He sits up and turns to face Eren. He holds out his hand.

“Do you intend to read my future through the lines of my hand?”

Eren lifts his, palm towards Levi. Levi does the same without understanding. Eren flattens his palm against Levi’s. Levi feels the air shift between them into something warm. Levi's hand is thin and small against Eren's. Levi remains still while Eren examines their hands. Finally, his green eyes meet Levi's.

“The skin of the contaminated is icy cold,” he whispers through the dark. “The warmth of humans is what differentiates them to me. It's the limit between the dead and the living.”

He smiles, separating Levi’s fingers and weaves in his own. The gesture is so casual yet Levi didn’t know how intimate it could feel.

“That's how I knew you were really human. When I felt your heat under my skin, when I touched you. That's also why I didn’t want you to walk away from me. Your heat was the tangible element that I clung to, the only reassurance that everything was fine and that I was safe.”

Levi feels a lump in his throat that refuses to disappear.

“You’re always warmer than most people here. It's reassuring. Maybe that's why I stick to you when I sleep,” Eren winces embarrassed. “It reassures me to know that I am with a human and not in a dark place hunted by zombies.”

They lapse into silence for a moment. They’re so close that Levi could see every shade of green in Eren's eyes.

“ _Levi? Where are you guys?”_

And the magic of the moment is broken by Mikasa calling for them.

Eren clears his throat and gets up.

**

Levi smirks as he blindfolds Eren when they near their destination. Eren protests, because God knows he hates feeling at the mercy of people and vulnerable, but Levi, Hanji, and Mikasa don’t give in. Mikasa eventually stops the engine. Hanji and Levi grab one of Eren hands and lead him carefully through the rocks.

“What's this smell? And this noise? Is there a storm close by? You're going to throw me in a tornado aren’t you?”

Levi laughs at how adorable and ridicules Eren is.

Eren’s even more lost when they start walking on something other than concrete.

“Are you going to remove this thing from my eyes?” He flinches at everything that touches him. Levi takes joy in torturing him.

They end up stopping a little further. The rumble that Eren is hearing does nothing to reassure him. Levi then takes off the blindfold.

He would remember for the rest of his life Eren's face when he sees the Sea for the first time.

Astonishment. Shock. Curiosity. Joy.

Eren is completely still watching the gray immensity before his eyes. He doesn’t even blink, until a seagull comes to rest a few steps from them on the beach. There, his eyes land on the sand. He crouches and takes a handful of damp sand, which slip between his fingers. He became interested in the waves afterwards. He approaches the edge, waiting for the water to lick the end of his shoes before backing away hastily, as if it was acid. And he starts again, again and again. Like a child.

Levi toes off his shoes before taking Eren’s hand.

“Take off your shoes.”

Eren stares blankly at his face and bare feet before doing the same. Mikasa and Hanji follow suit. Eren stares at them in amazement, advancing towards the waves without hesitation.

Levi rolls his pants to his knees and Eren imitates him. Levi steps into the water, back to the Sea, facing Eren.

“Are you coming or not?”

Eren hesitates. He steps forward a bit, then rushes back when the water touched his toes. Levi restrains himself from laughing. Eren’s childlike reactions are so funny.

“It won’t harm you, you know…”

Levi backs deeper a little more in the waves.

“Come on,” he insists, extending his hands towards Eren.

He glares at him, as if to tell him he’s not going to hold his hand like a frightened child.

“Come on, don’t be a jerk, you saw me half naked yesterday, you can hold my hand today. This is the next step in our relationship, Eren Jaeger.”

Eren rolls his eyes before taking a deep breath and moving forward to catch Levi's hands. He remains motionless for several seconds, getting used to the flow of the waves around his legs, getting used to the thought that nothing will hurt him. Suddenly, he tilts his head back and burst out laughing. He doesn’t laugh often. Not a real laugh, head tilted back, anyway.

“It tickles,” he explains when he meets Levi’s surprised look.

Levi smiles so hard that his cheeks hurt. Suddenly, he receives water that certainly did not come from the waves. On their right, Mikasa is obviously bored from watching them stand like that. She wiggles her eyebrows playfully, and then splashes them again.

“Oh really! We’re playing now?”

Levi is about to let go of Eren, but Eren clutched his hands tighter, grimacing, as if his gesture is an admission of weakness. Gently, Levi releases one of his hands, then the other, without taking his eyes off him.

“You know, I may not be very tall physically compared to the big asparagus that you are, but I'm past childhood, I can stay in the water without you holding my hand.”

Levi knows perfectly well that it is the opposite. Eren doesn’t hold Levi's hands to protect him from the Sea, but because he himself is not reassured. Only, Eren doesn’t like to show his weaknesses. He hates to show he’s scared. Levi knows it, he’s the same. Speaking like that, he’s acting like he didn’t notice anything. As if he doesn’t know how scared Eren is.

Eren is not fooled, however. He nods nonetheless and takes a deep breath when Levi lets go. Levi joins the beach and quickly pulls off his clothes, pants and T-shirt, Mikasa doing the same. They return to the waves at the same time and threw themselves on each other, splashing, pushing each other, drowning each other. The water is frozen but Levi wouldn’t miss it for nothing in the world. They rarely come here, so he takes advantage of it. Hanji goes back to where Eren sits and slings an arm over his shoulders.

“They always do that. Every time we come here, it's always the same thing. Real kids, these two.”

Mikasa splashes her girlfriend for an answer.

“What did I say?” Hanji rolls her eyes. “Real kids. Unbearable. Thank you for the shower, honey.”

Levi bursts out laughing as Mikasa emerges from the water, coughing and dripping after being tricked by surprise. He glances at Hanji, who’s smiling as she watched them, then at Eren, who admires the horizon, looking more relaxed than ever.

Levi had rarely been so happy as at this moment. He wishes Furlan were here with them. He loves the Sea. It doesn’t hurt as much now when he thinks about him. He stands in the water thinking about the bittersweet memories of them together when Mikasa jumps over his back making him sink.

**

Levi is trembling. They’re all sitting cross-legged on the beach. Cold breeze blows by making him shudder. Levi is so cold.

“You're still going to be sick, again” Hanji sighs, rubbing Mikasa's back.

Levi shakes his head stubbornly.

“I'm not cold, I don’t know ... what you’re talking about,” he retorts, through chattering teeth.

Beside him, Eren takes off his jacket-Levi's old jacket-and puts it over his shoulders.

“You'll be cold,” Levi protests than laughs at the memory of the same conversation.

“Less than you. You'll actually die this time if you stay like this.” Eren smirks thinking of the same thing.

The jacket smells of Eren, just like last time. He really likes how he smells.

“I’m going to start a collection of your clothes in my room from your chivalry.”

Levi zips it close and keeps his eyes on the horizon. Afterward, They huddle together to keep themselves warm. They watch the Sea for a while, breathing the salty air.

“it's restless today because there's wind,” Levi leans closer to Eren’s side. “When the weather is nice, it is blue, splendid. So blue, darker than the blue of the sky. Sometimes, during storms, the waves crash against the rocks and cliffs. It makes you feel like it’ll swallow everything in its way. When the sky is gray, like now, it takes its hue. The Sea is changeable.

Eren's lips stretched into an enigmatic smile. Levi stares at him without understanding, before he explains.

“Just like you. You’re like the Sea.”

Levi doesn’t know if that’s a compliment or not.

He decides it’s one.

**

They put on some [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_45YMjnIIk) on the way home. They have old CDs for the car radio. It was depressing to hear the constant sizzle of the dead radio while waiting for voices that would never come. Levi got his hands on some CDs.

They’re driving too fast for the zombies to pursue them, so they take advantage of the music to sing loudly. Hanji drums over the headboard as they all sing together. Except Eren who’s not familiar to pre contamination music. He just laughs looking over at Levi, delighted by his enthusiastic performance from the back seat. Screaming the lyrics at the top of his voice and head banging through the confined space of the car. Levi is even fueled by Eren’s reaction.

“This is _awesome!_ ” He cheers when they turn off the radio. “It sure as hell, better than the garbage we have in the City!”

They always cut the music a few miles from the base and this time is no exception. The rest of the trip to the base is spent in silence. Strangely, despite the danger, the tension and the zombies, this expedition had done them good. They come back... closer? More relaxed? In a better mood? Levi doesn’t know what’s really changed. What he knows is that he’s partly sad from having to go home.

Especially when Erwin comes to greet him in HQ and he sees Eren turn away and leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually on time! yaaay! 18th chapter on 18th of march! Idk why i'm pointing that out lmao! anyway I enjoyed writing this one so i hope you like it <3


	19. Back To Square One

Hanji and Krista are working hard on the cure. Day and night. Krista has bags under her eyes. She seems sluggish. Hanji looks like she might pass out any second from exhaustion. Levi isn’t sure anymore if this hope of a cure is a good or a bad thing. If they don’t find anything, they would hold themselves responsible whenever one of the community dies from a bite.

The entire base has not yet been informed. Kenny felt that it was no good to freak everyone out or give them false hope. Nile, Mike and Erwin were nevertheless informed. It was Levi who had asked. He didn’t want to lie to Erwin every day when he would ask if Hanji was sick and why she seemed so tired. He had too much respect for him for that. More than that, Erwin is his friend and he’s sent out regularly, he has the right to know. Nile and Mike had also been made aware, as regular members of the expedition teams. Levi doesn’t like lying to them either. Nile had been his mentor for years, Mike his ally.

Erwin didn’t say anything at first. Back in their room, he exploded with joy.

“Do you realize what that means?” He let out a laugh, incredulous. “We could go back outside! We could even heal zombies, make them become human again!”

Levi sighed and shook his head.

“It's not that simple, Erwin.”

Erwin sat on the bed near Levi and put an arm around his shoulders.

“Come on! Allow yourself to hope for once. Allow yourself to see the positive.”

Levi kissed him on the cheek in response. He doesn’t want to get hopeful in case he gets disappointed as always.

Mike and Nile had reacted in a more measured way. Mike did not seem much more impressed than Levi. He only saw what he believed, that's what he often said. Nile had not said anything either, but he was falling into the side of those who had hope, Levi saw it. His eyes were shining.

Levi went about his business trying not to think of this remedy. He goes on with his life. He goes hunting with Mikasa. He spends a little more time with Erwin, as before. He makes trips to Armin's room to tease him as usual.

He goes on the roof at night, even though it started to rain more and more often. Eren doesn’t join him for a week. Since they had returned from their expedition outside. Levi keeps telling himself that it’s nothing. That he probably didn’t need to go out because he was no longer having nightmares, which is good for him.

But he misses their long hours of nocturnal discussions. Even if he wouldn’t admit it to anyone. To whom can he complain about it anyway? Nobody knows that Eren and Levi go out at night not regarding safety rules.

Erwin is nice again. It’s the highlight of the week. He doesn’t make any particular advances, which Levi is grateful for. He wouldn’t feel comfortable in pushing him away and jeopardizing their friendship again. He doesn’t also want to be forced to do things out of guilt.

Levi doesn’t want Erwin that way anymore. He tries not to think about the reasons behind this change.

Levi goes out hunting with Mikasa again, as their last hunting trips weren’t successful. Then he helps with the gardening and harvesting of vegetables. He puts the last storage crate on the cafeteria counter then dusts his hands off, stretching. On his way back, he notices Armin peeling potatoes.

“What are you doing here?” He asks, smirking when Sasha comes from the pantry room with more potatoes.

“Oh! Hi Levi. You’re also volunteering to help like Armin?”

“Oh no! Me in a kitchen is a disaster waiting to happen.”

Sasha laughs at that, setting the potatoes on the table then wipes her hands on her apron. “It’s okay, I have Armin here and it’s all I need.” She disappears back in the pantry room. Levi glances at Armin who’s blushing scarlet red.

“Volunteering to help huh?”

“Y-yeah…” He laughs nervously. “Philanthropic spirit and all.”

“Yeah right!” Levi chuckles then leans in closer. “Tell her already.” He whisper shouts at him.

Armin shakes his head vigorously, waving his knife menacingly. “Go away before she hears you.”

Levi purses his lips then walks away when Sasha reapers again. When he glances back he can’t help but smile at them. Armin isn’t really talkative and seeing him smile and talk with Sasha makes Levi feel so proud.      

After a shower, he drops back on the couches in HQ. Eren raises an eyebrow at him, flipping the page of his book.

“Long day.” Levi slurs. “What are you reading?”

Eren goes on explaining about the thriller he’s reading, how he likes the development and how it’s so much better than the books they have in the City when Levi feels himself drift to sleep. His eyes close and his head lulls to the side.

**

_“Levi?”_

He jolts awake from his position at the sound of Armin’s voice. He has been sleeping on ….Eren’s shoulder? He has no idea how long he’s been out. Levi flushes in embarrassment avoiding Eren’s eyes while meeting Armin’s. He threads his finger through his hair, pushing back his bangs and straightens up. He really needs a hair cut.

Armin smirks knowingly. “I came to get you for dinner.” He says, stifling a laugh.

Levi narrows his eyes but then glances at Eren to find him frowning.

“I’m coming.” He waves Armin off who takes the hint and leaves. Then turns to Eren who stands up clearing his throat. “I’m sorry; you’re not boring me or anything. Uh, I’m just _really_ tired.”

He stands up awkwardly as Eren nods tense. “I know. I—” He open his mouth and closes it several times. He looks flustered, as if he doesn’t know what to do with himself. “It’s okay.” He says eventually. “I’m gonna—” He waves the book in the direction of the shelves then darts away.

_What was that about?_

Levi stares after him confused. Did he drool on him in his sleep? Was he uncomfortable? He probably was. Levi groans rubbing his hair in frustration.

**

“Where’s Eren?” Armin asks when Levi sits next to him in the cafeteria.

“Do I look like his bodyguard? I don’t know.” He mumbles digging in his soup.

Armin is quiet for a second then he chuckles. “You should have seen Eren’s face earlier when I came to wake you up.” Armin laughs even more at the mental image.

Levi frowns. “What do you mean?”

“He had this confused look on his face. Staring at you then at the floor as if trying to figure something out. It was hilarious. He looked constipated.”

So, Levi _did_ make him uncomfortable. Why didn’t he wake him up? He groans in embarrassment as Armin laughs at his pain.  Eren joins them later but stays on the opposite side of Levi chatting with Petra and giving him no attention what so ever.

**

Armin sighs heavily dropping his tools on the bench. "I don't think I can do it." He says shoulders hunched.

“Do what?” Levi asks, distracted by the cube in his hands. Seriously, how is Armin able to do this so effortlessly?

“Tell Sasha that I like her…”

Levi glances at him surprised. Armin is always embarrassed when Levi brings this up. So it must be serious if he’s the one talking about it.

"When you like someone it's only natural to express these emotions you know."

"Easy for you to say.” He snorts. “I'm not good at this shit.”

“What’s scaring you?”

Armin blushes looking away from him. He looks at the Wireless hair clipper on the bench and resumes his tinkering. Levi had brought it to him so he can fix it and Levi can finally cut his long hair.

“You always become tight lipped when I ask you that question. Come on! Talk to me.”

“What if…” He raises his head again to glance at him. “What if I mess up or she laughs? And...There’s also Connie…" He groans throwing his head back. "Nope. I can't do it."

"Armin! It's Sasha we're talking about, you know damn well she'll be nice even if she doesn't have feelings for you. She’ll never laugh I promise.” He sits up. “What about Connie?"

“Well… you know…” Armin fiddles nervously with the screwdriver. “He’s older… and…” Armin purses his lips as if he can’t believe he’s actually talking about this. “And more experienced than I am.” He lets out in a rush.

“Hey! That doesn’t really matter in a relationship. You know, sex works regardless of experience or anything else, because you care about each other enough to be patient, to teach each other, to learn from each other, in a loving way. If she likes you back, then it’s settled. Lack of sexual experience won’t really be a problem. You shouldn’t feel threatened by Connie either. Honestly he ain’t shit!”

Armin laughs then sighs dramatically. “I don’t know…” His voice trails unsure.

“Since you have feelings for her I know it's harder for you to face her. And you don’t have to if you’re not ready. But frankly this is not a world where you have the luxury of time. Remember that one day it’ll be too late and the only person, who stopped you from being with who you want, was you.”

Armin stares at him thoughtful then narrows his eyes.

“Where is this coming from?”

Levi chuckles. “Those damn romance novels that I've been reading!” He lays back down on the bed attempting to solve Rubik’s cube in his hands. “It’s true though. Take your time but don’t wait until it’s too late. Remember that It’s Sasha. She’s your friend and she’s really nice.”

Armin nods and pivots back in his chair.

“Thank you.” He says later. Levi can see his ears turning red and he can’t help but smile softly at him. Armin is just too adorable.

Armin then hands him the wireless hair clipper. “There you go. We’ll finally be able to see your ugly face with you short hair.”

“Ha! You wish.” Levi narrows his eyes snatching the device from his hands and heads to the bathroom.

**

The rest of the week is spent with Eren completely ignoring him. Erwin is back and Eren is gone. The world starts to turn normally. It’s making sense again. Levi tries not to question it.

One night, Levi passes Eren across a hallway. Eren doesn’t look at him. Levi’s impulsiveness take over.

Levi catches him by the arm but he pulls away immediately, just like before. So there is a problem.

“Don’t—”

He had to read something on Levi’s face because he sighs then purses his lips. His face is impassive. No emotion. He’s so far away from Eren that Levi had seen on the beach.

“My arm hurts; I bumped it on the door.”

He’s lying. Levi takes a step back. His heart is pounding against his rib cage as he realized what Eren’s gesture meant.

“Eren.”

“Levi.”

“You’re... avoiding me?”

“Why would I avoid you?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“I’m not avoiding you. I have to go.”

Levi grabbed his arm again and Eren pulled away, more frankly this time. So that was it.

“I told you that—”

“You’re acting like you’re scared of me.” Levi let’s out a humorless laugh. “What made you regress to the point that you can’t even endure more than I touch you? What happened?”

The look on Eren’s face hardens as he gritted his teeth.

“Nothing happened. Everything is fine. Can you lay off?”

He gives him one last impassive look before turning away. Levi watches him confused as he disappears into the corridor. There is definitely a problem.

**

Freshly showered Levi stands up inspecting his work in the mirror. His hair frames his face perfectly, not a single hair out of place. A good portion had been cut off and the lower region of his hair is shaven short. This haircut is much more practical outside and he does look good in it. He changes and walks towards HQ, receiving compliments here and there does boost his confidence.

 

“Levi!” Levi turns in time for Marcel to run towards him. His face fills with a smile as he hoist him up in his arms.

“Hey there buddy. How’s your day.” He walks with him towards the sofas.

“It was good. Petra said that I’m doing a good job with writing.”

“Really? What did you write?”

“A letter to mommy.” Levi freezes then sets him down gently crouching to his level. Marcel hands him the paper with messy scribbled hand writing.

**_Dear mommy I miss you very much. I know that you’re in heaven but I miss you._ **

**_Marie is very nice. I love you and Marie both._ **

**_I’m eating vegetables. They are not good but daddy is happy when I eat them._ **

**_I’ll be nice to everyone so Santa can give you this letter._ **

Marcel looks down when Levi glances at him. “I miss mommy,” he says quietly.

Levi wraps his arm around him.

“I know. I’m sure she misses you too.” They sit in quiet for a few seconds. “But you know what, mommy isn’t really gone. She’s here watching over us even though we can’t see her. Someday we’ll meet her again. In a much better place where there isn’t pain or tears only smiles and joy.”

His dimples start showing as he takes in what Levi said. He smiles brightly again and hugs him even tighter.

“I’m so happy I can see her again.” Levi tries to ignore what that insinuates. “Me too kiddo.” Then he ruffles the top of Marcel's curls.

“Good job with writing I’m proud of you. You are quite a champ.”

“Yes! I can do anything.” He smiles very big and stands even taller.

Levi raises his eyebrows at him with a humorous smile. “I bet you can.” He plants a kiss on his forehead. Marcel runs back to play with Ymir.

“ _Wow_!”

Levi glances beside him to see Petra’s hand on Ilse’s belly. “I can actually feel it! Oh my god!” Ilse laughs as other gather around her curiously peering at her stomach. Levi moves closer to her side but then he feels a stab of guilt, because he'd wanted to ask if he could feel it, but of course he can't. It’s far too intrusive and he had no right to touch her. This should be Furlan not him.

She meets his eyes and smiles shyly at him.

“Do you want to…?”

Petra moves away so he can get closer. He hesitantly reaches for her stomach but then his hand drops on the couch.

“It’s okay.” She takes Levi's hand and puts it on her bump. As his palm glides across her belly, he doesn’t feel anything for a little while. But then, he feels it, a ripple of movement under his palm.

“Is it always like this?” His voice is full of wonder. Ilse's smile is radiant, and so full of love it stuns him every time.

He feels the soft thuds of the baby's kicks under his palms. It should've been a moment of unrestrained joy; instead, he’s swamped with the ugly realization that Furlan would never feel those kicks. He would never feel anything. She knows he would be touched if he felt the baby move.

They talk often of the future; of the joy, this baby would bring Ilse. They never talk of him, although Levi knows she thought of him often. He thinks that somehow she wanted to remember the good times and to think of this baby as the creation out of the good and pure love she had felt.

Levi knows when she was thinking of him. She would look out beyond where her eyes could focus and they would fill with silent tears. She would lay her hands on her belly and smile at him through her tears. This baby will be her joy, her compensation. A walking living piece of Furlan.

Overwhelmed, he lets his tears brim and dribble down his cheeks. They weren't the usual tears that burned with guilt. Not today. They’re tears of joy and goodwill...and letting go. Their arms wrap around each other. “It’s going to be okay.” He says, his tears mixing with hers.

“Let’s have some fun.” He pulls away wiping his eyes. “Enough with tears for the day”

Levi puts on music louder than usual. He pushes the sofas away and creates a space in the center with Erwin's help.

Then he goes around to get people. He would pick them up from their couches and around the tables and take them to dance in the center. He drags everyone with him. Because we all need to have fun, to decompress. Levi sees Nile dancing with Marcel and Marie, and Ymir with Erwin.

Levi ends up in front of the couches where Hanji, Mikasa, Armin, Krista, Eren and Petra are sitting. Krista and Hanji are out of their labs for once.

“Come with me,” he says, waving his hands at them.

“What are you doing?” Hanji whines, confused.

“I’m creating joy. I’m bored.”

“Levi, I'm exhausted,” Hanji complains when he grabs her arm.

“So what? You'll be just as exhausted tomorrow. Come dance,” He forces Hanji to rise. “Mikasa, you too!”

Levi hears Armin laughing so he turns to him, hands on his hips.

“Do I need to drag you too? Move your ass!”

Armin gets up and starts walking towards the dance floor, shaking his hips in chicken dance movement. Levi can’t help but giggle at this sight. Still smiling, he finally turns to Krista, Eren and Petra. He’s not going to approach Eren. He had barely looked at him for days. He’s avoiding him as much as he could.

Levi still doesn’t understand why, so he acts like he doesn’t care. Nobody knows he was spending hours fixing the ceiling at night or thinking about their roof in the rain.

“Krista, darling, you're made for dancing. Come dance with me. You too lovebirds!” He shouts at Eren and Petra as he turns around, taking Krista along with him.

“Lovebirds?” Krista repeats confused.

Levi takes a dance step before arriving on the track and whirls Krista in his arms. The girl bursts out laughing, her light hair hitting Levi's face. She’s very small, frail, but still full of life.

She launches into an energetic dance with Levi, bumping into the others and apologizing with a laugh. He sees Mikasa and Hanji a little further away. Hanji and her awkward dance steps always make Levi laugh. Armin is near them with Sasha.

They’re about a third way through an album when Hanji declares the next song Levi’s favorite and turns it up.

Levi smiles sadly at the vinyl. This was his and Furlan’s song. But it’s okay now, he won’t hold it against him for performing it with someone else. Ilse watches him with tears in her eyes and cheering thumbs. She must be thinking the same thing.

Levi waits as the previous song finishes before he joins Hanji. They stand still for a second then as if keyed into some soundless cue, Levi raises one hand dramatically above his shoulder pulling on some imaginary cords at the very same moment that the music starts, bobbing his head to the rhythm. Levi moves slowly to the rhythm like stirred water.

As the music becomes faster and maniacal, he jumps up over the table with Hanji. His mouth works around the lyrics, singing at the top of his voice. Hanji’s brown hair flies while her fists work around her imaginary drums. Levi meets Eren’s eyes and he laughs at the awed attention. He’s watching him with his mouth wide open. He then starts laughing at Hanji thrashing around. Levi goes back into musician mood, dancing.

Mikasa joins them as the bassist encouraged by Hanji’s lack of self-consciousness. They shout _“Woah, Oh, Woah, Sweet child o’ mine!”_ and laugh and then return to their instruments. He slides to the floor and tortures the chords of his guitar. Everyone around them jumps and cheers, singing along for the rest of the song.

Breathless and sweaty they regain they bow dramatically throwing kisses around before regaining their seats.

The record changes into a slower, orchestral vibe.

Anna and Pixies, the two oldest, are dancing a waltz. Nile drags Kenny to dance and to see him protest while grumbling is very funny and so out of character. Anka is hopping in front of Mike, pulling on his hands as he shakes his head, smiling, refusing to join her. Even Lynne the grumpiest is dancing with her husband, Tomas.

Levi's eyes meet green irises along the dance floor as he had jumped back to dance with Krista. Eren and Petra are sitting on a couch next to the runway.

“He won’t come if you don’t get him.” Krista says, following his gaze.

Levi hesitates but Krista elbows him gently in the ribs.

“What are you waiting for? Go! I’ll take care of Petra.” She winks at him.

Without waiting for an answer from Levi, Krista drags him with her to Petra and Eren's couch. She grabs Petra's hand without listening to her protests and pulls her to the dance floor. Levi shifts awkwardly on his feet in front of Eren, who looks everywhere except at him. Levi rarely makes the first step after an argument; he would rather jump from a roof than admit he was wrong.

If someone else had acted the way Eren had been acting with him for a few days, he would have sent them away. He would have left them in their corner. Because Levi doesn’t like not being appreciated and basically remains defensive.

So why is he there? Why does not talking to Eren digs a void in his chest? Why thinking that everything is back as before twists his stomach in an unpleasant way? Why can’t he stay away? Why is he clinging to him?

Levi crouches down in front of Eren, who’s still not staring at him.

“Hey, look at me.”

The other refuses to do so.

“Eren, please,” Levi whispers low enough for only Eren to hear.

Was it the hint of supplication in his voice that did the trick? Eren purses his lips for a second before he finally lays eyes on Levi. They have not exchanged glances for a week and a strange feeling makes a shiver run down his body.

That's why he was clinging.

“I don’t know what's going on in your head. But once you told me that I was different because I wanted to live, not just survive. You are the same.”

He extends both hands to him.

“Live with me, Eren Jaeger.”

He’s challenging him. Levi is aware that Eren is avoiding him, but he also knows he would not refuse an invitation in this form. Because Eren is as passionate as he is.

That’s the reason why they became closer.

Eren hesitates, watching him for a long moment before grabbing his hands wordlessly. Levi drags him into the crowd. He pulls Eren against him and Eren flinches.

“Levi...”

“Just dance, okay? Put your brain on pause, just for a few minutes, just for tonight.”

Eren frowns but doesn’t pull away. Levi lifts their clasped hands to their shoulders and put his other hand on his hip, swaying from one foot to the other, to the rhythm of the music as Eren stands motionless.

Eren then sighs and nods. He seemed to hold back a smile as he watches Levi.

Levi twirls and turning Eren with him. Serious, as always, in the beginning, Eren ends up chewing on his lips to stop from smiling. His hair is flying in all directions, his eyes are shining, and cheeks dusted a beautiful shade of pink. Then he starts laughing and rolling his eyes as if he couldn’t believe he was laughing so much. Him, Eren Jaeger.

Levi is spinning around, playing with him, and leading the dance. They fight a little bit for the lead until Eren gives up with a pout.

“Did you know that the waltz was born in Vienna? The word comes from the German "Walzer" which means, "turn in a circle". It's a couple dance. So I don’t really know why you chose this moment to invite me for a dance.”

Eren holds his gaze when he speaks. Faced with his lack of response, Eren observes his hands before taking them in his.

“You know your subtle glances are not that subtle. I can feel you staring at me.” Levi smirks provokingly and Eren’s smug expression falters.

“That’s because… You hair… I mean” He chuckles embarrassed. “Well, you look different with short hair.”

“Different good or different bad?”

“Good. So good.” He says too quickly then turns red at the eagerness in his voice. Levi laughs softly.

“Thank you.” He whispers. Watching Eren get flustered is definitely entertaining.

He slips his right hand under his shoulder blade and his other hand into his. Eren lets himself go with the music. His hand tightens against Levi’s palm and he takes him away. Maybe in every way of the world. He takes him away on the dance floor, He takes him away into the dance, he takes him away into the vibrant music of the orchestra.

Eren says nothing. He just turns with him. They turn shutting down the crowd beside them. They dance with only the sound of the music, their footsteps on the floor and their mingled breaths. Levi’s steps follow Eren’s. He no longer thinks about the movement of bodies, He’s not even thinking at all. They dance without stopping. They dance between laughs and whispers. They turn with this pleasant and frightening sensation that neither he nor Eren really lead this dance.

What they didn’t notice is the elders around them are looking at them with a smile. They saw in Eren and Levi the proof that two completely opposite worlds can coexist and get along. They saw two young people full of life laughing in an apocalyptic world.

They saw hope.

Levi feels like he’s been dancing for hours. Many had left by now, but their little band is still in HQ. Levi’s dancing with Mikasa now, a slow on African music, which was not at all off. Armin climbs onto Eren's back and Hanji is behind them.

It’s refreshing to feel alive when all your days are spent in monotonous routine. Today the base community remembered that they’re alive. Remembered what it’s like to be happy and carefree even just for a short moment. Even just for one night.

Levi is dancing with Erwin when he tilts his head up and seals their lips. It takes a second for Levi to realize it and he pulls away.

“What the—” He trails off when he notices Erwin smirking, looking over him. Levi frowns turning behind him. He meets Eren’s eyes.

Eren grits his teeth. Levi sees it in the way his jaw looks. He walks away shoulders were stiff. Levi glances back at Erwin who’s looking innocently at him.

“You never fucking change do you?”

Erwin cocks his head to the side and Levi resists the urge to punch him in the face.

“You’re an asshole.” He lets out through gritted teeth before running after Eren down the hall. He runs after him as if he knew he would regret it if he didn’t do it.

“Eren, Wait!”

Eren stops and Levi almost bumps into him. He crosses his arms over his chest. He doesn’t touch him.

“What?” Eren drops coldly.

“You tell me!” Levi screams in anger then takes a deep breath to calm himself. “I can’t walk on eggshells around you anymore! You’re avoiding me. You refuse that I touch you. You stay as far away from me as possible. You don’t talk to me anymore. You’re looking at me as if I killed your dog. Looks like we’re back to when you first came in here! It's like you're scared of being—”

“Don’t you dare.”

“—Contaminated,” Levi let’s out breathless by the realization.  The idea hadn’t crossed his mind at first but deep down he knew.

Eren closes his eyes tightly, as if trying to hold himself together. Levi's heart is hammering inside his chest. So that was what he was going through. Eren was scared because he felt like he was contaminated.

“You… Like me.”

Eren’s eyes snap open and he glares at Levi when he said those words.

“Whatever.” He says through gritted teeth.

Levi remains silent but glares at him accusingly, arms crossed over his chest. He seems calm, but inside, a small voice was screaming that he was making the situation worse and wondering what he had gone through him to say it like that.

Or even say it at all. He had refused to say it until then, refused even the thought of this. He had pushed that possibility into a corner of his head, yet his being was screaming at that moment that this was what was happening between them.

Eren reacts so violently because he’s afraid of his attraction to Levi.

“I'm not a fag—  I mean…” He seems to have realized what he says and looks down. “I mean, I’m not like you.”

But it’s already out there. He has said it. Levi’s eyes widen and his lips part in shock at the word.

Words hurt. They really do. Words are daggers. When they are handled with violence, they can break even the strongest of men. Words do not carry swords, words do not fire bullets, but words kill. They kill in their own way. And hearing that word coming out of his mouth was like a slap to the face.

Eren walks around Levi to go to his room.

And they’re back again to the first time they met when he said those things. He’s back to when his own family took Eren’s side. He’s back to the day Eren said those words and no one had argued against it. All those glances he used to get before when he was with Erwin. All those things he had seen and heard that he stored deep inside him. All those things he had buried under a facade for the sake of preserving peace in the community. And when he thought Eren could be different, he turned out to be like everyone else.

However, Levi still hopes deep inside that he didn’t meant it. That it came out of his mouth out of fear or anger. That he still doesn’t reject Levi in that way.

 

“Please…” He draws another breath and his hands tighten around himself, his expression scored by the same raw emotion that had roughened his voice. “Tell me that you haven’t insulted me again for something that neither you nor I can control.”

Eren stops, back to him. Levi turns around slowly. Eren clenches jaw when he finally meets Levi’s eyes. Gaze so somber, so sad that somehow made him angrier. Levi felt as though he was stabbing his heart in half with a badly sharpened machete.

“I can’t tell you what you want to hear,” Eren said hoarsely.

“I want ... I don’t want to hear anything! I want...” Levi starts his voice raw with longing.

_I want you!_

Levi doesn’t know what he thinks anymore. His eyes sting and he does the most senseless thing he ever did.

He takes a step forward. He pulls himself up against Eren, curves his hand around the nape of his neck.

Then he seals their lips together.

For a few seconds. Slowly.

Eren shoves him away against the wall. Out of breath, he watched Levi with wide eyes. He was scared. Eren’s hand shakily come up to touch his own lips. Levi's heart is going to explode inside his chest. And he realizes what he has done.

“I’m sorry… I’m—”

He had made a huge mistake in this moment of weakness. He takes a step back when Eren steps towards him, convinced he was going to hit him. Eren grabs him by the collar...

To kiss him again. Really, kiss him this time.

He cups Levi's face with his hands and kiss that melted Levi core. He’s unable to do anything but cling to his shoulders by kissing him back with all his being.

His emotions are jumbled. The feel of Eren’s lips against his is enough to completely wipe away the rest of his conscience. Everything he ever knew about kissing is shattered as sparks shoot throughout him, making his toes curl.

Eren's mouth is made to be kissed. His lips are so soft, so unbearably soft, and Levi can't stop kissing him. He has to because this is not how it should go. But he can’t bring himself to do it. Eren kisses him so deeply, so passionately and so demandingly, it's as if they have to kiss just to breathe and survive.

He licks across the seam of his lips sweeping his tongue into his mouth. Levi pushes himself on his tiptoes, cooperating.

He consumes Levi entirely. He takes everything without asking, pressing against him. Each fiber of Levi’s body claims more.

Levi feels him shudders as he fists his hand where Eren’s hairline meets his neck.

And suddenly it was over. They pull away when noise is heard in the distance. Eren seems to come back to reality. He steps away from Levi. And stares at him with fright, panting.

And then turns on his heels.

Levi stands in the corridor, his heart beating fast, fire coursing through his veins and his brain on pause. When he turns around, Nile is standing there.

“You want to go for a walk?”

Levi shrugs his throat too tight to articulate the slightest word.

“Come on.” With a promotive hand on his back, Nile leads him to one of the farthest rooms in the base. There is a blanket on the floor.

“Have a seat there and look at the ceiling.”

When he turns off the light, Levi is surprised to find stars on the ceiling. Constellations drawn with phosphorescent paint.

“Who drew this?” He whispers as he watches the green drawing glow through the darkness.

“I think it's Anna, She said that she missed being outside when we first came here years ago.”

Levi is really impressed by her work.

“Try to calm down,” Nile whispers, feeling how fidgety Levi is.

He sighs. He keeps his eyes fixed on the constellations that a certain Eren Jaeger had taught him. His emotions are no more than an incomprehensible whirlwind.

He kissed Eren.

He wants Eren.

No?

Yes?

It was what had gone through his head while the other stood in front of him, full of anger, ready to deny with all that he had the possibility that one of his atoms could be attracted by Levi.

But isn’t that what Levi wanted all along?

He did not want to feel... that.

“I come here at night, sometimes,” Nile murmured finally. “With Marcel. He likes to come here. He’s always curious since has been outside only a few times.”

Marcel was born here. He had rarely seen the light of day. Levi fears for his health, sometimes.

“You can teach them to Ilse's child.” Nile tells him suddenly.

Levi sighs ignoring the pang in his heart. “I'm not his father.”

“It’ll be just like.”

Levi lays on his back.

“Did it ever scare you? To get attached to people in this world?”

Nile watches him for a moment before looking up.

“What would we live for otherwise? I go outside every day, Levi. Of course I'm afraid to get attached to people, but I think ... I was even more scared that people get attached to me before. It's me who puts my life in danger every day. I don’t really risk losing my loved ones as long as they stay safe here but ... they risk losing me every day. I always refused to get involved in anything for that reason. Until Marie reminds me that life is especially valuable because of the relationships that are built here. Whether it is love or friendship, loving others is what makes our life worth living. I didn’t understand it before Marcel and Marie. Which doesn’t stop me from being terrified that they might lose me one day.”

Levi remembers when Nile’s wife died when Marcel was five. He remembers how devastated Nile was. How he almost gave up. But Marie was there for him. She helped him raise Marcel as if he were her own. She made everything better.

“There is no reason for it to happen. We have survived in recent years by going out absolutely every day.”

“But, everything has an end. Doesn’t it?”

Levi nudges his arm playfully.

“Hey! Stop saying that. You're pessimistic tonight.”

Nile chuckles.

“Usually, it’s you.”

“Me?”

“You’re afraid of attaching yourself to people.”

Levi doesn’t answer. What can he say?

“So ... you and Eren?”

Levi’s stomach flutters uncomfortably at that.

“I don’t know, I ... I don’t know. I don’t even understand what took me. I don’t want to ... I don’t want to, Nile.”

He feels a lump form in his throat and his eyes flutter shut.

“There’s something that really bothers me and I wish you would stop it.”

Levi glances at him confused.

“I know that things in our world are tough. And that you always feel like you have to be strong and robot like.” He sighs. “But I don’t like the way you deal with it. You’re always shutting yourself down and trying to block all your emotions. That’s not good for you. You need to accept and realize that there’s nothing wrong with your feelings. They’re what makes you human. All this bullshit about weakness that I don’t know where you’ve got it from is wrong. Your mind will eventually be polluted by this behavior and that’s not something you want to happen. It’s okay to feel things. It’s okay to cry and be sad and be hopeful and be happy and be angry. You’re a human not a robot. I know you don’t want it, whatever it is with you and Eren. But that’s not something you can control.”

Levi is silent as Nile keeps talking about random things to calm him down. It’s later when they decide to go to sleep that Nile gives him a hug at the door. He reassures him that everything would be fine eventually.

**

Levi takes a deep breath smelling the freshness of the wet grass. The forest is silent. The soil is wet. It had been raining again that night and drops of water often fell on Levi from the foliage of the trees. Given their previous day's catch, they didn’t really need to go out this day, but Levi and Mikasa insisted on doing so. Kenny let it go. Both of them insist on not being able to spend even a day without seeing sunlight. They have also gone around the traps that Mikasa had laid. They gave all the meat they got back to Mama, who usually keeps it in salt, making provisions for that winter.

Levi likes to feel the fresh air on his skin and the drops of water that fell on his forehead. Mikasa seems to have slept badly. He notices her frown and her preoccupied expression.

“Are you going to tell me what's up?”

Mikasa shrugs. She mutters for several minutes before starting to speak more intelligibly:

“Hanji works day and night on this remedy with Krista. Sometimes she feels like they will never find anything. She’s exhausted Levi. I don’t like that. She’s skipping meals. She barely sleeps. She won’t listen to me.”

“Do you think they'll find something? That they’ll succeed?” Levi whispers, as if talking about this eventuality out loud would risk jinxing it.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know. We all lived years without remedy. But the prospect of being able to go out in the open, to live outside without fear of being bitten is...”

“Tempting.”

Mikasa nods.

“Yeah, tempting. But at this point I don’t really care. I just want Hanji to be safe and healthy. And if this supposed remedy is going to harm her in any way then I don’t want it.”

She sighs shaking her head. Levi pats her shoulder gently. If Mikasa is worried than it’s serious. Levi should also pitch in and convince her to take it easy.

Levi avoids thinking about the cure. He refuses to think of the opportunities that a possible remedy could provide them. It’s too much hope. He knows that Armin is very fond of talking to Krista about it. Mikasa and Hanji talk about it too. Eren avoids the subject, just like Levi. They both know that hope is too fragile for them to hang on to. They’re both very pessimistic, apparently.

Krista told them a week ago that they were strangely alike on this point. They don’t believe in the future. They believe in the present. And in the present there’s no cure in the base.

“Did they at least progress?” Levi asks.

They had gone back to the base. Mikasa's eyes seem to land anywhere and everywhere at once, as always when she’s on her guard.

“Hanji does not feel like it. I think they’ll try something else. Hanji spoke about it quickly before falling asleep last night. I feel like we’ll probably have to go back on an expedition soon.”

Levi hums nodding.

Perhaps he didn’t allow himself to hope, but that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t attempt anything to make this miraculous eventuality a reality.

“And you?” Mikasa’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts. “What’s up with you? You look like shit.”

Levi flinches. He had barely slept that night. Eren looked terrified after their kiss. He could only imagine how he felt. It was one thing to accept others to love who they want. But with Eren’s background it’s going to be hard for him to accept himself. Eren's head had been rotten for years with homophobic prejudices, and now he’s kissing another man.

“I… kissed Eren.”

Mikasa stumbles on rocks. For Mikasa to stumble, the situation is definitely critical.

“Wow. I was not expecting— No, wait I was actually expecting that. What surprises me is that you don’t have a black eye. Because, even though I love Eren and even if It’s obvious that he’s craving to touch you when you're next to him, it's not going to be the kind of guy to easily admit to anything other than vaginas. Let me tell you.” Mikasa smirks when Levi chuckles. “It must be terrifying for him. How did he react?”

“Well, he pushed me away.”

“Oh. I'm sorry...”

“And he kissed me back.”

Levi laughed softly as he sees Mikasa's eyes widen comically.

“Okay I definitely _did not_ expect that one.”

“Well if it makes you feel better about your predictions, he panicked and ran away.”

Mikasa shrugs.

“Poor guy. He must be going through a crisis. Feeling confused. How do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know. Honestly, I’m just confused and annoyed.”

They lapse into silence as they walk back to the base.

“Hey, I know you're a little impatient, but ... give him and yourself some time, okay?”

Levi nods worrying his lip between his teeth.

“Anyway, it's not like we're going to be together, or whatever.” He lets out a nervous laugh. “I don’t even know what took me. I don’t know why I kissed him,” he lies firmly. “He's not even my type.”

Mikasa rolls her eyes without answering. She knew that Levi is trying to convince himself of what he’s saying. Levi is afraid, too. He’s afraid of how he feels when he sees Eren. When he touches him. He’s afraid to cross the line. He’s afraid that this would lead him to feel things he had given up for years, because such feelings are far too dangerous in this world.

So he runs away.

When Eren and Levi meet the next day, and the day after that, they don’t exchange neither a word nor a glance.

Back to square one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate Sundays. I'm definitely not ready for my exams that start tomorrow lmao. So here i am burying my anxiety in this chapter XD Hope you like the angst and the fluff.  
> Also thank you so much for everyone reading, leaving comments and kudos. Thank you for your nice encouraging words. I don't know if you realize how much you're helping me deal with my personal life not just on writing this monster of a fic.  
> I can't believe this fic is 113K+ I'm still not sure if that's a bad thing or not i'm just going with the flow lmao.  
> Anyway thank you so much love you guys <3 <3


	20. The Countdown Begins

Hanji and Krista asked for a new product one morning. Hanji felt guilty about it. She had seen it in the warehouse that they visited the last time. Mikasa assured her that Levi won’t hold it against her.

A flu epidemic was at the base at that time. In the morning when the usual quartet is supposed to go back in search of what the scientists were asking for, Mikasa appears in the cafeteria, pale and ill looking, while Hanji was still in bed coming down with the symptoms.

“You're not coming,” Levi decides as soon as he sees her.

“You can’t leave without me,” Mikasa replies between coughing fits. “I’m your teammate. Wait until Hanji and I get better.”

“And what if tomorrow, one of the farmers is bitten? Or the day after that? And we pushed back the development of the cure because of sickness?”

Levi couldn’t help but have faith and hope in the cure. Hanji and Krista’s passion about it is contagious. The hope of a new world. Safer world where going out doesn’t mean death anymore.

Levi lifts his leg to continue lacing up his combat boots. “We're going today. Mike is sick too so I will not take the risk of taking him with us, but I'm going to get Nile and Erwin instead. Eren, will you able to recognize the products that Hanji needs?”

It was the first time they had been talking directly to each other for a week. Levi slept very well at night, of course. He no longer goes on the roof.

He who went there to be alone before, the loneliness up there was suddenly overwhelming. The more days it goes the more he feels like there's something missing and he hates it. Being with Eren was never part of his plans. Where did all of these emotions come from? He doesn't understand his need of checking the room to see if Eren is there. Not because he wants to fight or run away. No. Just because he wants to see him. He hates how he wants to talk to him and how he wants to be near him. How he wants to touch him. Watch him read in his corner like he does whenever Levi comes back from an expedition. Why Eren of all people? Why couldn't he just be interested in Erwin instead? Why does it have to be so complicated?

“Of course,” Eren says softly, his eyes shifting from Mikasa, who’s shaking her head vigorously, to Levi, whose face shows determination.

“Levi, no. Erwin is too impulsive, you can’t leave Eren under his guard or—”

“I'll keep Erwin with me if we have to separate. Nile will team up with Eren. But only if we have to separate, Mikasa, and that won’t happen. Everything will be alright.”

Mikasa crosses her arms over her chest.

“I don’t agree with that. That place is dangerous, you almost died last time, we shouldn’t mess up the teams like that I—”

“We can all work together, Mikasa. You're my partner before anyone else, but that doesn’t mean that others are less competent or less reliable and you know it.”

Mikasa rolls her eyes and grits her teeth. She shakes her head and turns back to them, back stiff with anger.

“Of course you’ll only do whatever your thick head decides. One day you’ll get yourself killed, don’t come to haunt me and complain then.”

A feeling of uneasiness grips Levi.

Maybe he should wait.

But after a new attack of an isolated zombie on farmers two days earlier, the urgency of finding this cure has been overwhelming him recently. No one had been hurt, but the worst could have happened. The worst could happen every day here. There’s no point in delaying it.

Levi meets Eren's eyes.

“We're going there, right?” Levi frowns as he starts to doubt his decision. “Is it really a bad idea?”

Eren lets a few seconds pass before shrugging. “You're in charge. I’ll follow whatever you decide.”

Levi nods contempt with the answer. He will proceed with the mission. Kenny has already been informed.

“Okay then. Let's go. I'm going to get Erwin and Nile.”

**

Levi slams the door shut forcibly when he notices Erwin is still sleeping. To Erwin’s defense, there was nothing that he could do but the sight of him irritates Levi. Erwin mumbles under his breath as he stirs awake.

“We have something to do I need you to come with me.”

No point in making small talk or be gentle with him. Levi has been thinking about finally getting a separate room. The reason why things got complicated was because he didn't want to be alone. But he can't stand it any longer. Erwin is like a ticking bomb. Even though he knows the incident of last year won't happen again. It still lingers in his mind and sits uncomfortably in his stomach. It still flashes before his eyes when things heat up and voices rise. Even though Erwin keeps saying that it was an accident, Levi will no longer tolerate any of it.

He has always thought that he's the one playing around, that he's in control but he never had the upper hand. He was always coaxed into whatever Erwin feeds him. Whatever he tells him. He has always thought that he's the manipulator but it turns out it's the other way around. It is true that Erwin is not the only one at fault. Levi saw the signs and ignored them. It’s still more complicated than he ever thought it could be. It always is when it comes to Levi. However, Erwin is still one of their most skilled men around here. Whatever he has with Levi isn’t going to affect that.

After getting back from the expedition, he'll no longer have to deal with Erwin.

Erwin sighs, annoyed. “Does Eren have to be there?” He says when Levi fills him in on the mission.

Levi rolls his eyes and try to keep himself from snapping. “Listen to me, if you don’t want to go then stay. I’ll go with someone else. But I won’t hear any complaints from you today. I’m already on edge.”

Erwin scoffs but says nothing else as he finishes getting dressed.

Levi heads out of the room to gear up. He's wearing all black like every time he goes out. Eren is already in the armory loading his gun, a katana placed inside the strap around his back. He looks back at the sound and their eyes meet.

For a second Levi expects him to say something but he doesn’t. He resumes his task. He notices Eren wearing black cargo pants like his and smiles wondering if Armin teased him about it as much as he does him.

Levi picks up his daggers silently and puts them in his harness belt along with his 9MM. They take headlamps this time as having to hold one is not as practical.

It feels weird for him to be outside without Mikasa but Erwin is pretty good as a partner. Except that one time when he came back without Furlan. Nile joins them later along with Erwin. Levi pushes the thought away as he checks his backpack one last time.

Nile takes the wheel and Levi sits near him in the passenger seat. Again not allowed to drive. Nile is making small talk, trying to get their minds off the danger that awaits them there and to ease the tension in the car.

Levi has a bad feeling that’s knotting his stomach nervously. Maybe he should have listened to Mikasa.

The atmosphere is tense at the back of the car. Eren and Erwin do not exchange a word. These two are always on each other’s throats. It’s not good in this situation where they are all supposed to trust each other.

Levi should have waited. He silences his instincts that tell him to turn back.

They need this remedy.

When they finally arrive, the place is deserted. Maybe Levi is wrong. Maybe everything would be fine.

Nile squeezes his shoulder as they exit the vehicle.

“It's going to be ok, kid. We go in, we get our stuff and we go home.”

Levi feels bad for dragging him away from a sick Marcel but everyone else is either busy or sick. He takes a deep breath to calm his nerves and focus on his task.

They would all go inside this time; Levi doesn’t want them to be separated when the teams are unbalanced already. The iron curtain makes too much noise, like the last time. Levi really hopes there’s nobody around this time.

The interior is just as deserted. Eerily quiet. Eren steps between the shelves to find what Hanji and Krista needed. Nile follows him, weapon in hand, while Erwin guards the entrance and Levi goes around the back. Everything is silent but the echo of their footsteps.

Too quiet.

Levi looks around every inch of the place.

Until the silence is interrupted.

Levi opens a door. In a heartbeat, all the zombies in the vicinity are heading towards him. Levi barely has time to see a rotting face before he slams the door shut. But it gets blocked by an outstretched hand.

A horde of zombies.

“Nile, get Eren out!” Levi shouts back to the exit while shooting with his gun as the hand is stuck between the lock and the door makes it impossible to shut. “Erwin, over here!”

Levi doesn’t know where Nile and Eren are. His heart is beating incredibly fast drumming in his ears. Erwin finally joins him and Levi shoots a female contaminated who was too close. A mob of zombies is invading the lab. Levi runs to the stairs screaming at Erwin to do the same. He could barely see where he’s going, the place is too dark, the floor and the steps barely lighten by his headlamp.

Levi climbs the stairs at full speed, Erwin on his heels. Zombies couldn’t keep up with their speed, it was one of the few human advantages over them in these situations. Levi turns right onto the corridor, heading for the same door that Eren had knocked down several weeks ago, a door that was still hanging on its hinges and letting in some light.

Freedom.

Levi glances down.

And he sees light.

_Eren_

He stops in his tracks.

There is light down there. Eren and Nile are still there.

That light is not freedom but death.

Erwin moves past him to the door.

“Levi, we have to leave! Come on!”

“Nile and Eren are still here!”

“They’ll get out! Come over here!”

Levi doesn’t move. He tries to discern the source of brightness. Light illuminated the ceiling. The dread creeps over him like an icy chill. Paralyzing as he realizes what that meant.

“There is someone on the ground! Erwin, they are hurt!”

Erwin descends the stairs and drags him up by his wrist. He manages to drag him a few steps up.

“Levi, we're going out! Now!”

Levi hears a deafening shrill followed by gunshots. He flinches and pulls away from Erwin’s hold going down towards them again. He hears the loud thud of something falling to the ground. Erwin reaches for him but he moves away completely from his grasp.

“Levi wait!”

_“Eren! Nile!”_ He calls for them from the railing.

Levi looks down to see that the contaminated are filling the place now that the door is wide open.

“ _Nile is hurt_!” He hears Eren scream. “ _I can’t get to the—_ ”

More gunshots.

Levi turns to Erwin, lighting up his panicked face.

“I'm going down again. I need your help. They’re everywhere!”

“Don’t be stupid! It's too late ! We’re all gonna die if we stay! Come one stop playing heroes.”

“Do you expect me to leave them here? No way!”

Levi's headlamp lights the zombies trying to climb up the stairs, before falling on the steps. They look up at him, hands outstretched as they try to crawl their way to him. Some are stepping on the fallen ones only to collapse over them. Levi looks at the side; he’s too high up to jump from here. The zombies are crowded near the stairs and on the side where Eren and Nile are. He goes down carefully.

“Move, Erwin _come on!_ Stop wasting time.”

Levi raises his head. Only to find Erwin looking at him from above, hesitating between the zombies and Levi.

“Erwin, don’t you dare…” His words die in his throat when he looks at his face.

Erwin stares at him blankly. “I don’t care for Eren.” He says as he climbs more steps. Levi’s eyes widen at his words. “Nile is dying already. Come out, _now_!” He says before turning on his heels and disappearing outside.

He has abandoned them.

“ _No! Please! Wait—”_ Levi yells desperately after him. “ _Erwin!”_

But he’s gone. Erwin ran away.

This wasn't how things were supposed to go. A mix of anger and fear boil deep inside his veins as hot as lava. Erwin left them to die. He only has the time to shoot a zombie coming his way before he hears an explosion that has his heart sinking in fear.

“Eren! Where are you?”

Levi swallows his panic and jumps over the railing. He starts running as soon as he’s on the ground, using his daggers to get rid of the zombies that clutter his way.

A hand grasps his leg and he stamps on it hard, snapping the bone with a gruesome crack as he drives his knife into another body, tearing a gaping hole in the side. He pants, his breath emerging in loud gasps that echoes through the building as he pounds at the contaminated. They make no noise other than a windy wheezing.

“ _Go away, Levi_!”

Eren's voice breaks and it pushes Levi even faster. He finds Eren on the steps to the offices. He’s holding Nile under one arm and shooting the zombies with the other. He has blood smeared on his face. There were pieces of corpses bleeding on the ground. The other zombies are blocked under a toppled shelf; some are starting to come back up again.

Levi truly hates them. They’re never done. Always coming back for more.

Levi reads desperation in Eren’s wide eyes and his sharp inhale when he realizes they’re not done for yet. But it’s quickly gone from his face.

“ _Go away!_ ” he shouts, shaking his head vigorously when he sees Levi coming.

But Levi doesn’t listen. He doesn’t abandon anyone.

Especially not Eren. Especially not Nile.

Nile who’s unconscious and bleeding.

Eren’s fighting to save their friend, when he could have abandoned him and saved his life minutes ago.

Levi violently pushes one of the shelves, which collapses on the mass of zombies flocking towards Eren and Nile.

“ _Take him upstairs!_ ”

Levi turns to block the way to the zombies that crossed the distance between them.

Eren lifts Nile up and swings him over his shoulder. He climbs the stairs grimacing, Levi covering his back with his gun. Eren rushes down the corridor in front of them, trying to open all the doors. One of them opens halfway and Eren rushes inside. Levi shoots twice more before Eren pulls him back inside. Levi collapses into the room and kicking the door shut behind him. Eren is already moving a desk to block it.

Nile is still unconscious on the floor.

Levi helps Eren pushing the desk. The furniture is way too heavy, solid wood. It would be enough to block the door. Weapon in hand, Levi waits for the zombies to try and enter this one. Eren flinches when he hears them scratching and pushing at the door. It shakes under the force but doesn’t budge.

Levi feels relief sinking in for a moment. He takes off the headlamp, nervously running his fingers through his sweaty locks and grips it in annoyance. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath to calm his racing heart. He turns a few seconds later to his allies.  Eren is already on the floor, by Nile’s side pressing on his shoulder.

Levi had often dealt with terrifying scenes. But this one goes beyond others. He knows danger and death are always lurking in the shadows of their lives. He’s old enough to realize that no matter what they do there’s always someone who’s going to die. But now faced with that reality, it doesn’t make sense anymore.

Erwin had abandoned them. Eren pushes to his feet without any problem and rushes to Nile’s side. The moment he reaches him, he’s able to press both hands on Nile's wound. They are stuck in a room with contaminated slamming at the door.

They shouldn’t have come.

Eren rummages through his bag to get a piece of fabric and uses it to press against the wound. Levi gently drops to his knees beside him.

“Let me see.”

Eren’s head jerks in frantic disagreement, shoulders trembling, refusing to move his hands away from the wound.

“Eren, let me see, please.” Levi repeats softly, moving his hands away.

Eren closes his eyes when Levi lets out a horrified gasp.

He'd been bitten, his shoulder a mess of blood, flesh and black ooze.

A shiver runs down his spine.

Nile's dying.

Nile chooses this moment to blink his eyes open. He lets out a gasp and stumbles back. He immediately covers the wound, but blood just oozed out between his fingers and down onto his T-shirt.

He struggles against them but Levi grabs his arms to stop him. He gently pushes Nile down when he tries to sit up.

“Hey, it's us. We’re safe. Slow down.”

Nile winces even more, discovering the blood when he pulls his hand away.

“It’s bad isn’t it?” It comes out hoarse and pained.

Levi couldn’t say it out loud. So he nods.

“He had sharp teeth. I hesitated because it made me think of my son… The lines blurred for a second and it struck me how much he looked like him. That's… That’s why he got me… I’m sorry...”

Nile's wide eyes fall on Eren.

“Hey, kid. Thank you. Most people would have gone. You should have left too.”

Eren swings his head back and forth in denial again, before speaking in a hoarse voice.

“We don’t give up on ours.”

Nile smiles weakly.

“You're one of us now. You're a good kid, I'm glad you’re with me today.”

Nile's eyes flicker to Levi who’s sitting there dumfounded. Somehow, his racing mind has gone blank. He doesn’t know what to do. Nile is going to die.

“Where is Erwin? He’s not dead is he—”

“He left,” Levi drops coldly. “He’s probably in the car outside.”

He couldn’t possibly leave without him.

Eren and Nile stare at him stunned, unable to believe what they had just heard.

“He freaked out, he ran off when I went downstairs to get you.” Levi explains leaning on the desk behind him.

Nile looks up at the ceiling in thought, before shrugging his shoulders.

“At least he's alive.”

Levi lets out a humorless laugh.

“I'd rather be dead than a coward.”

“Don’t say that... I’m dying take it from me.”

Levi flinches. His eyes move to Nile's shoulder again as if to make sure it’s actually there. Nile raises a hand to pat Levi’s knee.

“Come on, Levi, it'll be okay, son. We all knew it would happen someday.”

Levi shakes his head. No, he didn’t think it would happen. No, it wasn’t supposed to happen. Not today, not ever.

“We can get you back to the base…” Levi says after a while, hopeful. “Hanji and Krista are working on the vaccine, maybe—”

“You can’t get out of here by dragging me with you, Levi. And you know that I'm doomed anyway. Hanji and Krista will not be able to create this cure in a day.”

Nile closes his eyes and draws in a shuddering breath.

“And to be honest, I don’t really want to turn into a zombie either. You are more likely to survive if you go right now.”

He leans closers to him suddenly, determined. “It is out of the question that I leave you there.”

Eren nods vigorously as a sign of approval. Nile sighs.

“Don’t be stubborn, Levi. You can’t save me. It’s over.”

“No…” Levi says, but a lump is forming in his throat, choking.

“I’m going to die in minutes, Levi.” he whispers.

With sickening shock Levi suddenly knew that there was nothing that he could do to help him. “Come on. Don’t give up, okay? I’ll get you home I promise… Just, just  stay with me.” he whispers unable to keep his voice from breaking. “What about Mary and Marcel? What about me? you can’t give up….Please.”

Nile's mask falls at that moment. His wife. His son. His eyes widen and they fill up with tears. And he let’s out a sob that turns into a cough.

Eren helps him sit up wiping his mouth from the blood.

Levi gets up. He has to keep moving or he’ll go crazy. Eren resumes pressing the cloth on Nile’s wound. Levi walks to the window and opens it. They are several meters above the ground. They would need something to get down, a rope, a wire, a strap, anything. They are in an office, there’s nothing like that here. But he still looks anyway. They can only get out through the door and that’s not an option. He searches every inch of the room for anything they can use. But he finds nothing.

“We're stuck.”

Eren and Nile look up at him. Nile shrugs.

He points at the door. “Just wait until they get tired… Or—”

“No!” Levi is not leaving him. He can’t abandon him. They just need to get outside and get to the car and everything will be okay. 

Levi drops to the floor beside them. He leans against the wall, sitting with his head buried between his knees and his hands on the top of his head. The realization downs on him. They can only get out through the door.

He feels hopeless watching Nile in pain. A hand rests at the base of his neck, then goes up to his hair, gently.

Levi raises his head.

_Eren._

_Don’t lose it now._ Eren’s eyes seem to convey. His touch is gentle on Levi’s hair, comforting, soothing.

Levi nods. He squeezes Eren's free hand, and Eren tightens his fingers around it.

His eyes find Eren's. Eren is stained with dust and blood; he has scratches all over, which Levi had not noticed before, too busy dealing with contaminated.

“You’re hurt.” Levi doesn’t know why his voice wavers at that fact but it does.

He tries to undo his jacket. Eren grabs his wrists to stop him.

“I'm fine, Levi.”

Levi can’t have any of it. He shakes his head. Eren is hurt he needs to make sure he’s okay with his own eyes.

“I need to check to make sure. No bite, no bleeding, all that.”

Eren reaches over and rests his forehead on Levi’s, cupping his face.

“I'm fine,” he says softly. “No need for that.”

Levi doesn’t know if it’s the softness of Eren’s voice that does it but he suddenly feels overwhelmed.

“I thought you were dead,” Levi admits in a whisper, unable to shut up as he felt the fear of never seeing his emerald eyes again.

“I'm fine,” Eren repeats for the third time. He pulls away to lock eyes with Levi. “Don’t worry about me. I’m okay.”

Levi sighs at the feeling of Eren’s thumbs caressing his cheeks gently. He can’t deal with losing everything today. It’s too much. Eren’s hands then drops, breaking the moment. He crawls towards his bag rummaging through it.

“Nile?” Levi moves towards him. “How are you feeling?”

“I’ve been better.”

Nile lets as moment of silence pass.

“You have to kill me.”

Eren drops the water canteen and it clatters on the floor loudly.

“No,” Levi hisses. “We can still—”

“Levi, I don’t think I’ll be able to do it.” Nile’s voice is thick with tears. It breaks Levi’s heart. He realizes at that moment that Nile is not as strong as he had always thought. Not as invincible.

Levi doesn’t know what to do; all he does is keep looking at him.

His eyes keep hounding him, begging. Everything is spinning around in his head. Nile’s eyes keep up their dreadful plea as he grabs Levi's revolver with a trembling hand and points it at his own face.

“You have to do it. I'm going to die anyway. You have to shoot me.”

Levi gapes and takes a quick step backwards. How can he ask that of him?

After years of holding onto his hand when he was scared and Kenny was away, holding his hand as he trained him to shoot, holding on to every word he said, he never thought he'd be asked to hold a gun to his face. He feels himself collapse from the inside.

“I can’t… No!” It comes out strained.

“Levi, keeping me with you will kill you both. I am already doomed. But you… you have a chance.”

“I can't kill you.”

“You have to,” he cries. His voice garbles slightly and he has to suck in a breath before he continues, “In a minute I won't be able to stop myself from jumping forward to attack you. Soon I’d be gone. I wouldn't retain any intelligence or humanity. I would be a thing. An ugly, horrible thing that didn't remember we were family.”

“ _No, please_.” He had seen too much today, he can’t take anymore.

_Please, please, please, please, please._ He closes his eyes and repeats these simple words over and over again like a mantra. Imagining a reality where this is not happening. Where Nile is not bleeding and dying the way he is right now.

Levi wants to jump from the window. He sits in a corner, his eyes fixed on the wall in front of him, his knees brought against his chest, trying to wrap his head around what’s happening. He’s gonna have to do it. He’s gonna have to free him.

Nile is going to die. Levi can’t let him turn into one of them. It means that someone would have to deliver the final blow, because they don’t have poison here.

“Levi…”

_Marcel…_

How will he ever be able to face him again? A few days ago, he had told him how much he missed his mother. Now he won’t even have a father.

“I'm sorry,” Levi chokes out. “It's my fault. I should ... I should have listened to Mikasa, I should have waited for her, you shouldn’t have been here, I—” The words are stuck on his throat. Choking him, burning him.

“And what would you have said if we had not left and someone had been bitten at the base? You … You would have said, "We should have gone, I'm sorry, it's my fault". Levi.... It's our life, son. I knew what I was signing up to by committing myself to go outside every day... It's a miracle I've survived so far...”

He shudders, sucking in a wheezy breath. Levi pushes the water canteen to his lips even though he knows it won’t help. And just to prove it, Nile spits out the water in a coughing fit. His lips are chapped and dried but he’s unable to swallow anything. One of the transformation effects.

“…You… did your best…” He continues once Levi wipes his mouth and chin. “You… came back to save us, Levi. Eren and I would have died without you. That kid,”

Nile points to Eren, who’s looking out the window, inspecting the surroundings. “He doesn’t deserve to die... He has been with us for seven months, Erwin for years, and it is Eren who chooses to stay while Erwin runs away. It will always amaze me to see who we can trust in this world.”

His eyes seem blearier than before, almost distant. As if, he’s looking through Levi not at him.

“You have to take him home, Levi. I know that ... I know you're not like people say. I know that doing it will forever hunt you. Some think that you only care about your own survival, but I know it's wrong, because I know you, I saw you grow up, I helped raising you. You're always trying to save everyone, and it kills you when you can’t. I saw it with Furlan, with Nanaba, with Cis, with all the people we lost... You're like your father, you're like Kenny.... You don’t show it, but you take it to heart. I am proud of the man you have become. You're a survivor, and you're more than that. Don’t forget it. There is more than survival in this world. Take Eren home. And live.”

Nile wheezes out another coughing fit.

Levi chews on his lips to stop himself from crying or screaming with anger and despair. He reaches to his waist belt, and unclasps the button on his holster. The knife comes out easily, and rests in his trembling hand smoothly. The weight of it on his palm makes him want to throw up.

He understood Hanji. Hanji would feel down for days every time she was forced to administer the poison to one of them who had been bitten. Everyone knew objectively that it was the zombies who were killing them, but it was Hanji who was injecting the product.

Just as it’s Levi would be doing the stabbing.

Nile seems to notice and guides the weapon to his own forehead with trembling hands. But he couldn’t. The knife drops to the floor as Levi cries.

“ _Why, why, why_ ,” he repeated over and over as he weeps, holding Nile in his arms.

He holds him to his chest; feeling him take a choked up breath.

He feels Eren sitting next to him as he rests his hand up his back.

“I can’t…. I can’t…” He cries turning to Eren. “I can’t do it.”

But then Nile, who’s been coughing up more blood, goes limp in his arms, then he goes still just as fast.

“Nile?” Levi freezes as he pulls away and takes a look at Nile’s lifeless eyes. “ _No... Don’t do his to me come on_.” But Nile’s wide eyes stare through him, his body motionless.  He’s already gone. “ _No please, god._ ” He has never believed in one but he begs for anything out there to hear him.

He couldn't even finish him off himself to spare him the pain.

It takes a few minutes for Nile’s body to start twitching. Levi doesn’t feel it at first. Then he hears the hissing. His shaking hand reaches for the knife dropped on the floor beside him. Throat tight from a contained sob.

He wraps his arms around Nile and pulls him tightly against his chest. Nile’s hands start moving and grabbing at him, he starts hissing and his jaw starts moving, Levi stabs him through the back of his head. He feels the blood splash his fingers. Nile falls still again.

This time there’s no coming back.

He holds him close for comfort. No tears come out just emptiness. A feeling he’s accustomed to from being alive in this ugly world. Eren’s hands circle around his waist as he hugs him from behind resting his head on Levi’s back. Levi doesn’t see it but he feels him cry against him.

**

Levi could barely grip the pain, it’s heavy and suffocating.

He gazes down at Nile’s dead body. His eyes are fixed but unfocused. “He’s… He’s dead.” he mumbles into the silence. “I promised… to get him home…”

Nile is now laid on the floor, Levi keeling next to him.

“Levi,” Eren says from somewhere behind him.

Levi’s gaze flickers from Nile's dead body to Eren as he appears before him.

“Levi… look at me.” His eyes meet Levi’s. Puffy and red from tears. His gaze is hard his body visibly trembling. "You're in shock. I just want to make sure you're okay. You haven’t moved for hours.”

Levi brushes him off stiffly; he’s barely able to move his almost frozen body.

He holds his head in his hands and rubs his temples to ease the pain. Slowly, his posture straightens. He looks around at the window. The sun is starting to set outside. He didn’t realize how much time had gone.

He’s just aware that he had just killed his friend, his mentor.

They have to move. He doesn’t have time to dwell. His body is on flight mode.

Survival instinct.

They never have time to cry their dead anyway.

Not if they want to stay alive.

“We have to go. We are not safe.”

His chest is a gaping hole, empty and hollow. Something inside it had been torn out by betrayal.

“I know....” Eren says. He notices Levi’s lips almost blue. His limbs move as if some inexperienced person is controlling them remotely and his eyes are blank, looking right at him, but not really. “Will you… be okay?” He’s hesitant, not sure how to approach Levi in this state.

“No.” Levi says after a while. “But we have to leave.”

Levi wants to throw up everything he had not eaten since yesterday. He forces himself to move. He look up at Eren and finally meets his eyes. He notices how tense his jaw is and the pain in his green eyes. He notices his fatigue and despair. He notices the trail of his dried tears on his cheeks.

Eren. He has to save Eren. He has to focus on Eren.

Levi gets up. He’s going to get Eren back home and get rid of Erwin for good.

Erwin needs to pay for this. There’s no other way for justice to happen in this cruel world.

“We have to go. There's no time to lose.”

He locks his pain away, his urge to scream and smash everything, his desire to throw himself at a horde of zombies just for the sake of cutting them into pieces for revenge. If he had been alone, that's probably what he would have done. But he’s not alone.

Levi refuses to turn around to see the body.

He pushes the desk that was blocking the door and goes out. Eren behind him pointing the gun just in case. Two zombies remain outside the door. The others roam away aimlessly. No need for gunshots. Levi exterminates them in seconds with a stab and they run outside.

Eren pulls at his hand, panicked when he hears noises from the bushes on the side of the road.

“Levi. Where do we go? You haven’t said anything…”

Where to go now? With no car or nothing to take them home. People die within these conditions.

“Look around you Eren.” His voice sounds rough even to his own ears. “Does it look like there’s a way out?”

What’s the point in running away? What’s the point in fighting when you’ve already lost? They’re just dragging time. Delaying the inevitable.

“Fine at least let’s find Shelter. We’ll figure out a plan there!” he’s frantic as he tries to pull on Levi’s hand and look around just in case. “I'm not ready to die yet and that's what will happen if we stay uncovered. I need you. Come on please.”

Eren's tone is urgent, pleading. Levi can tell he’s lost and scared. He meets Eren’s eyes. Those beautiful green eyes that he had grown fond of. He needs to get himself together. If not for him at least for Eren. He has to do something fast. One person is already dead because of him, and he would be damned if he’s going to let Eren come to the same fate.

He nods slowly.

“We need to go south.” Levi says after a few seconds. He can do this. “Over there.” He points at the huge empty road outstretched before them.

Their home is south. They are unlikely to succeed. But they have to try.

Eren and Levi have no car, no provisions. Eren has a water canteen in his backpack and an apple. That was all.

They have to join the Base as soon as possible. The more time they spend outside, the lower their chances of survival are.

So they start running.

Praying to make it home alive.

The countdown begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *peeks* Hi y'all... It's been more than a month since my last update Ik and i'm sorry about that... It's been really hard dealing with exams and writer block (i'm still dealing with that and i'm not happy with this chapter but if i don't post i might actually be stuck here forever tbh lmao) Enough about that i'm back hopefully with a better schedule since i have a short break T_T I hope you like this anyway :(   
> and finally i just wanna ask how are you guys? how was your day? what are you up to?


	21. Stay Close To Me

Levi and Eren run to save their lives, heading for their home. Levi knows exactly what route they had taken to come. They’ll have to do the same journey by foot. They could be at the base in a few days, he’s certain. If their condition allows them and they don’t get stuck with zombies somewhere.

Levi notices that Eren barely spoke. His gaze is lost in the void half the time and he looks like he’s about to cry. Sometimes he comes up to Levi and pulls him closer for no apparent reason and then he switches places with him without Levi understanding anything. Levi knows there’s something wrong, but it's hard to focus.

He’s constantly wondering why he took the decision of coming here, why didn’t he listen and why didn’t he see this coming. He couldn’t have known but his gut feeling should have been enough to make him reconsider. Sometimes you can feel it when everything goes wrong. Like a heavy and unhealthy atmosphere, like an oppressive and unpleasant sensation. So why didn’t he just stay at home?

His thoughts are interrupted when Eren comes closer again pulling Levi to his side and glancing over him. Levi realizes then that he’s not doing it for comfort, he’s doing it for him. He comes closer every time he sees his disconnect from reality and to protect him from suspicious noises. 

“Stay with me. Okay?” He murmurs, stroking the back of his head.

Levi tries but it's hard to stay with him. Not because he doesn’t want to, but because he realizes that he’s not protecting him as well as he would like to and that maybe he’d be better without him. He's doing very well and he’s already taking care of him, because he doesn’t have a choice, because he has to be strong. Levi’s resting too much on him. Being dependent of someone in this world isn’t beneficial.

Levi is a weight that’s compromising Eren’s safety because he can’t focus enough to act if something happens. Levi keeps checking to make sure he had not lost Eren, as if to make sure he was not a mirage. They run, stumble, fall, and get back up again. They ran to escape, to return home, passing the ruins and remains of humanity without stopping.

Eren keeps talking to him but Levi can’t hear him anymore. He only hears his thoughts that keep telling him that staying with Eren will not get him out of here. He should get himself together. He forces himself to focus but it only has the opposite effect.

Levi can see Eren’s lips moving, he can feel his hands on his body as he pulls him to run when he feels danger. Everything is a blur of him and Eren. All of this can’t bring him back and it's scary for Eren. Maybe it's fatigue? Maybe it's the counter-shot of yesterday's incident? That must be it. He’s shaken. Shaken by the loss of Nile, shaken for not being able to reassure Eren and protect him as he should have, shaken not to be up to it, shaken by Erwin’s betrayal.

Eren gives him some of his water and insists that he should stay hydrated. Levi gazes up at the dark sky. As time passes, Levi realizes that it was not Eren who was silent the whole time but it’s Levi who didn’t hear him, that if he looked frustrated at times it is certainly because Levi couldn’t get out of this lethargy and that he’s frightened. Eren halts and pulls Levi with him. They stand in the middle of the road. Levi doesn’t know what’s going on.

“Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

Levi didn’t hear anything. He looks around but there’s nothing but empty cars on the sides and the forest.

There's a cry of pain. It's too dark for them to see clearly.

_Human screaming?_

He continues to watch from the deepening shadows. He hears the scream again and sees the outline of someone making his way from behind the cars.

The limping shadow advances towards them slowly.

Eren looks at him horrified as he raises his gun. He shoots but it keeps moving so slow still screaming.

His mind distorts the sound until it belongs to something else and it makes sense.

_Inhuman screaming._

He barely has time to realize what that is before Eren drags him into the forest.

_A Hunter._

The hunter starts screaming and running after them. The shock brings Levi back to reality as he feels adrenaline pumping in his veins bringing his body and senses back to life.

“ _Keep running.”_ Eren says breathless when Levi lets go of his hand. Eren glances at him and his lips part to say something.

“I’m fine. I’m fine.”

They run to forage among the trees, pushing the branches away as they advance through the darkness of the forest, barely lit by the headlamps.  

Levi pushes himself even faster, silently cursing his trembling hands. Where are they going? He doesn’t know the woods enough to find a reliable hiding place and it’s so dark for them to find their way around properly.

If they don’t find a solution quickly, they’re done.

The hunter is still after them screaming bloody murder. With the noise he makes he keeps attracting other zombies their way. Levi only sees them for a fleet second as he passes by them. Eren takes charge with his Katana to cut through the ones that appear in front of them or block their way.

Creaking branches echo as they rush, Levi’s heart is drumming painfully in his chest. _This is all Erwin’s fault._ How could he not have guessed that he would betray him at the slightest opportunity?

The screaming stops and they take the opportunity to breathe for a second. In spite of everything, Levi crouches besides a tree and listens attentively to the slightest noise. He could hear the cries of animals in the distance, the sizzling of some nocturnal insects but nothing more. Did they lose the Hunter?

But then he hears the branches creaking behind them.

“Oh shit!” He pushes himself to his feet as fast as possible. “ _Run!_ ”

Two Hunters appears from behind the tree as they start running again.

He steps over the gnarled roots that line the path. The low branches claw at his arms, leaving behind scarlet marks that burn his skin. They have to find shelter.

Desperately, his eyes sweep the space around him. He doesn’t see much.

Levi groans in spite as the noisy footsteps resume. The Hunter springs into his field of visions, moaning and grunting.

Levi doesn’t quite understand what happened exactly. A second ago, he was running but now he’s falling. The ground gives away under his feet.

He’s barely aware of the fall. His stomach twists uncomfortably.

Then he violently hits a hard surface. Levi’s breath hitches as he hits the ground and pain runs through his chest as a low growl escapes him. It takes him a few moments to regain his senses. The fog dies off. He finds himself lying on his back. Under him, he feels the moisture of a soft surface and above his head, which must have been the hole through which he had slipped, letting the light of the moon pass. The whitish rays form shapes on the edges of the opening.

_“Oh my god! Levi!”_

Levi huffs heavily. He hisses when he feels sharp sting in his thigh. His knife. he pulls it away from his thigh.

“ _Levi!”_

“I’m okay!”

“ _Give me a second I’m gonna—”_

He doesn’t hear the rest of the sentence through the deafening scream of the Hunter as he catches up to them. He hears Eren struggling and fighting.

Cautiously, he straightens up on one elbow and slowly looks at his thigh. The cut is small the knife grazed his skin. Then he looks around. He lets out a gasp.

There are corpses. They cover the ground and Levi is unable to know how many they are. He grimaces as he moves. Pain shooting up in his body.

All around him, scrawny limbs stood up, crushed in loose earth or contorted in strange positions. Marked, rotting faces, hollowed out by empty, black orbits surmounting the gaping mouths, like a series of grimacing and terrifying masks. Some bodies, decomposed to the extreme, had only bones on which insects ran on while others, still dressed in some uniform like clothes, showed a gnawed skin and organs devoured.

It’s a mass grave in which dozens of contaminated, _children_ , rot, thrown out like garbage.

He looks up, deliberately avoiding looking at the bodies.

Levi gauges the distance that separated him from the surface. Some small ferns partially obstructed the opening.

He’s trying to stay focused on what had just happened to him, desperately trying to deny the huge pile of human flesh that’s sprawled everywhere.

“ _Look out_!”

The warning was lost, drowned by Eren’s grunt. Levi yelps when a head comes flying down.

The hunter’s head, which Eren has just killed.

Eren peers at him from above.

“Thanks for the gift. Really nice of you.” Levi points at the head annoyed.

Eren shrugs. “Sorry it’s not like I did it on purpose. Are you okay?” 

“Do I look okay to you?”

Eren frowns staring at him and Levi sighs, looking away.

“Can you climb up a bit more? I can’t reach you there.” Eren holds out his hand for Levi to climb.

Using the roots as handholds, Levi pushes himself up enough maneuvering himself by the edges of the rocks. He reaches for Eren’s outstretched hand who pulls him out of the hole.

“That was close.” Eren says breathless helping him stand up.

“Thanks.” Levi mutters under his breath.

**

Levi barricades the door. For this night, they would be safe. Eren lets out a sigh of relief as he drops to the floor.

Levi slides against the door and closes his eyes for a little bit just to rest. He hears rustling and he peeks to find Eren shaking the water canteen. It’s obviously empty. His is also empty. They need to find water and something to eat tomorrow.

“We made it. Day one.” Eren says laying his head on his bag staring at the ceiling.

Levi doesn’t say anything. What’s there to say? They didn’t make it anywhere. They’re still so far away from home.

He leans his head against the door, his weapon in hand waiting for the morning to come.  Occasionally he glances at Eren’s sleeping form. Just to make sure that he’s actually there.

The return to reality is tough. The euphoria of being alive and not being alone is far away now. Levi’s scared and helpless in the face of this whole situation.

He is taught how to survive a disaster that no one normally survives. And now that he’s survived, what happens? Life resumes its course? That's it? How do we survive anything other than an outside attack? How do you survive something that eats you from the inside, that scares you, that takes your breath away?

Levi knows how to survive outside because he was trained there. But when he goes home, everything is fine, it’s a game. He knows that even though he was scared, never would his father or anyone in the community cause him harm. They just train and play. So what does he do now that it's not a game anymore? Now that he almost died, lost someone he considers his father and almost lost someone that’s important to him.

Why are they alive, both of them? All these questions jostle in his mind. He no longer has confidence that he could make this. He feels like he’s falling apart. He’s supposed to be the pillar, who bears everything, all the time. So what is he doing now that the foundations are cracked?

His throat tightens. It hurts inside. The echo of the suffering he feel resonates throughout his body. It's painful to be afraid, to be angry or unhappy - and it's even more so when it's all at once. Erwin did this to them all.

It was a mistake. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was Levi’s for trusting him despite all these red flags. It Hurts. He feels his heart breaking after being betrayed by the one he once trusted. It was too painful for him to believe that with all him and Erwin shared that he could get over him just that easily. It hurts that even his mind struggles to understand what happened and tries to figure out where to go from there. All these memories hurt. All the empty words and lies that came out of his mouth. It hurts too much that all his body wants is scream it to the world.

What hurts even more is that he can’t even allow himself to feel it. If anything goes up the surface, he doesn’t know how to find the strength to continue.

Panting, he puts a hand on his chest. The sound of his breathing rises in the calm air. Fast, too fast. He has to find a way to appease him. Quickly, he closes his eyes and focuses on the rhythm of his inspirations, vaguely applying a relaxation technique he barely remembers. Fortunately, it works and gradually, a semblance of serenity returns to him and he’s able to open his eyelids, slightly appeased.

_Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it._

He glances at Eren’s sleeping form on the floor.

_Eren is here for me and I'm here for him._

Even if he knows, it's just a fleeting moment.

 

**

The morning comes and they get back on the road again.

They stop in the city. Levi hates urban areas, but they’re safer than an isolated house in the countryside. They are lucky enough to stumble upon an apple tree in one of the gardens they passed through and collect fruit from which they filled Eren's backpack with. They need it.

By nighttime, they knock on the door of an apartment on the first floor, loudly and wait for a few seconds. When nothing appears, they make their way through. The smell is horrible and it makes Levi wants to vomit. But he proceeds inside, gun in hand. He hears Eren behind him opening a door to his left.

“Check this out.” Eren calls from inside the room. Levi peers from behind the door and the smell of decomposed flesh fills his nostrils.

When Levi looks at where Eren points he finds the reason behind the atrocious smell. There's a group of people lying dead on the floor. A woman's arms is swept back over a child's feet with a bullet through his head. Wide eyed and stretched mouthed. She can’t be more than five years old. Levi looks away, threads of nausea reaches up his windpipe and he swallows through it.

Eren kneels beside the bodies. "There are no bite marks," He points out. “That’s some human stuff. We should be careful there are others around here.”

They were killed by other humans. For their supply or shelter, Levi does not know. He sees cockroaches crawling over the bodies and some scatter away from the noise. He closes the door behind them.

They walk up to the rest of the house. No contaminated around. Empty shelves. Empty cabinets. Empty rooms. Only furniture scattered around chairs and drawers hanging open. Everything speaks of hasty departure.

They find a bottle of water under the bed. It has a rancid taste, but it’s still water.

They settle on the first floor of a building after barricading the entrance.

“Do you want me to take on guard duty first?”

Levi watches Eren's strained face and shakes his head.

“No guard duty tonight. We need to sleep, both of us.”

Eren nods, visibly relieved. Levi goes up to where the master bedroom is. He lays over the bed with disproportionate relief, having never found such a disgusting mattress comfortable. Eren joins him a few minutes later. He barricades the door with the dresser.

“Are you okay?” Levi askes softly, turning to him in the bed.

Eren stares at him.

“I don’t think anything can be really okay right now. But I'm glad it's you who’s with me.”

Levi nods. He understands exactly how Eren feels. Strangely, he doubts he'd have the strength to get up if it had not been Eren with him.

His memory flashes back to what Nile has told him once.

_“You have a special bond. I don’t know where it will lead you but ... it's powerful. If you let it grow, it may be the strongest bond you will ever have. The bond of a life.”_

“I think we’re safe here and we need some rest. Maybe we can only travel every other day, it depends on our state really. I'm afraid we won’t be able to fight if we spend our days running, we would be too tired to defend ourselves.”

“I'd defer to your judgment.”

Levi smiles weakly.

“You wouldn’t have said that a few months ago.”

_Or a few days ago_ , were the words they probably both thought without saying them out loud.

“Things are changing,” Eren whispered.

Levi nods, turning off the flashlight. Indeed, things were changing. Erwin ran away while he had promised to always protect Levi, Nile had died while he had always been one of the strongest of them, Eren and Levi  were sleeping in the same bed a few inches one on the other, while the first was terrified at the mere thought of approaching Levi lately.

“Do you…”

Levi clears his throat.

“Will it be ok for you to... sleep so close to me? I can sleep somewhere else if you want.”

“No.”

“No what?”

“We fought against enough things today without having to fight each other. Get some rest.”

Levi doesn’t answer but doesn’t move. It only takes a few minutes to sink into sleep. In the night, he feels Eren come closer to him, seeking human warmth.

He doesn’t pull away.

He clings to him, to remember that he’s not alone.

**

 

Levi had a dreamless sleep and blessed Heavens for it. He always get horrific nightmares when one of them dies and is relieved that this is not the case this time. Probably because of fatigue. However, Eren wasn’t as lucky. Levi wakes him up whispering softly that it’s safe, that he’s there for him.

Eren looked for his body in the dark and Levi let him reach under his shirt. For that it reassures him to feel the warm skin of his stomach, let him stick his body to his, trying to keep breathing properly. He remembers what Eren said about the temperature difference between zombies and humans. The only way to completely reassure Eren was to prove to him that he was still human.

“You're here.” Eren whispers, his hand slipping into Levi's back, under his shirt.

“I'm here, yes.”

Levi searches Eren’s face in the dark. He brushes his fingertips around the lump of Eren’s throat.

“I’ll always be here. I'm not leaving. Try to go back to sleep, we have a long day tomorrow.”

Eren removes his hands from Levi, who felt suddenly colder. When Levi approaches him later, feigning sleep, searching for warmth, Eren doesn’t push him away.

He puts an arm around him to keep him there.

 

**

 

“We're stuck.”

They had just gone in search of the entrance and discovered that dozens of zombies are blocking the street. They must have tracked their smell the day before. The mint had faded.

“We can go out the window.”

“There are several zombies there too. If they hear us, they will pick us down and chew us before we even reach the ground.”

Levi sits back on the sofa in the living room stomping on a cockroach running by his feet.

“No. We don’t move. We wait.”

“But if we wait more, we risk—”

“To be surrounded by zombies? Already done. To be in danger? It's the case. To run out of provisions? We have enough to hold the day and we will search the surrounding apartments, just in case. Okay?”

Eren crosses his arms over his chest, looking skeptical. Levi gets up from the couch and approaches him.

“Hey. Do you trust me?”

His companion stares at him intently, his green eyes piercing him.

“Yes.”

“Good. So get some sleep,” he says, pressing his thumb on the wrinkle that had formed from Eren's frown.

“We're not dead yet, you could appreciate not being completely wrinkled in ten years.”

Eren glares at him and Levi shrugs as he turns away.

He’s trying. He’s really trying to stay afloat. Not to sink. Or think about anything else.

“We can go to the other apartments to see if they have any usable food left or anything that could delay our death.”

Eren sighs and shakes his head.

“I'm kidding, princess. I’ll go first. You don’t lose me okay?”

Levi climbs the stairs to the next apartment. The door is locked but Levi had learned to force locks before even learning to shoot.

“You have to teach me how to do this one day,” Eren says as he peers over him.

“Whenever you want. We have time today.”

The apartment in which they entered is structured in the same way as the one they occupied. The kitchen on the right, the living room on the left, three rooms straight down the hall, the bathroom straight ahead. Levi rushes into the kitchen and opens the cupboards.

“What exactly are we looking for?” Eren asks.

Levi scoffs glancing at him sideways.

“You've lived outside too. You should know what to look for.”

“I lived outside without being prepared,” Eren snaps. “I did not have any training, I learned to survive by myself, I don’t have the reflexes that were transmitted to you by generations of Condemned.”

Levi stops his rummaging to glare at him for a second then resumes his task. Eren winces and sighs.

“Sorry, it's ... I'm tired, they're old reflexes.”

Levi hums for an answer, ignoring him and continues to open the closet doors.

"I'll manage on my own," Eren says finally, turning away. “I don’t know why I thought we would help each other.”

Levi grabs his arm when he was about to leave.

“Hey. What didn’t you understand in "you do not lose me"? There is no "all alone" here. We are here together. We're not going out without each other, we survive together or we don’t survive, is it clear? I didn’t mean to upset you by saying that I thought you knew how we lived outside. There are innate things for me that I forgot you did not know, that's all. So calm down, do you think this is the time for your sensitivity?”

Eren jerks away from his hold. He nods curtly, his face closed. Levi rolls his eyes.

“We’re looking for non-perishable foodstuff. It can be dry peas or rice if it had been kept in a sealed box, sugar, honey, cans as long as they are not deformed, holed or swollen ... Bottles of water… we will need that. With time and lack of maintenance, most of the pipes have exploded so there is no running water, unless people have another source of power.”

Levi had opened all the cupboards. A lot of stuff was falling into dust. He found a little sugar can in one of the cupboards, which he put in his backpack, and a box of canned jam that might be edible. Levi stands up and nods to Eren to follow him to the rest of the apartment.

“The two crucial rooms are the kitchen and the bathroom. The kitchen for food. The bathroom for bandages, scissors, and emergency kits...”

Joining the gesture to the word, Levi opens the dressers. He hands Eren a rough sponge towel.

“If it ever rains and there is no extra clothing, it could be useful, just to not catch pneumonia in addition to the rest.”

He opens other drawers. There were rubber bands, which crackled in his fingers as he grabbed them.

Gauze. A splint. Old drugs of all kinds that are probably out of date. Hair brushes. Washcloths. Bottles of perfume, deodorant, aftershave.

Eren grabs one of the bottles of perfume and almost splash it on his wrist. Levi stops him just before he does.

“No! Zombies also spot humans like that. The dead don’t wear perfume. People who wore it at the time of the contamination were identified quickly because the strong smell intrigues the zombies. They know that these artificial perfumes come from their prey, by experience or by memory.”

Eren carefully puts the perfume bottle down.

“Some wear it at the base, because they don’t go out. Others, like me, prefer to smell like shit than die.”

Eren rolls his eyes as he stands up to rummage through the medicine cabinet above the sink.

“You don’t smell like shit.”

“What do you know? At this particular moment, I won’t be opposed to a shower.”

“Me neither.” Eren sighs.

He freezes for a few seconds before disappearing to the living room and then returns a moment later.

“It’s raining. I'm going to put cups on the edge of windows to collect water.”

“Good idea, Robinson.”

“What?” Eren cocks his head to the side confused.

“Robinson Crusoe is character from a book. He found himself on an island and had to find ways to survive on his own. I’ll read it to you if we ever make it home.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“He met a savage named Friday, I think.”

“If I'm Robinson, you're the savage,” Eren points out from the kitchen. “It explains things.”

“Such as?”

“Your inability to communicate in a civilized way.”

Levi remains silent for a moment.

“I'm not going to apologize for talking to you a little harshly. Get over it.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

Levi could feel Eren's annoyance from the bathroom.

“I'm going to put pots in our apartment too.” Eren announces coldly.

“We don’t separate!”

“Do I look like I give a shit about your instructions?”

Then Levi hears the door slamming shut.

Levi jumps up to run across the corridor and catches Eren in the stairs. He slams him against the wall.

“First, without my instructions, you would be dead. Secondly, it's not because you're angry that you have to make noise to wake the whole neighborhood. Third, stop being a fucking baby.”

Eren stares at Levi for a long time, without saying anything.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing. Do you plan on letting me go?”

Levi complies stepping away from him.

Strangely, Eren doesn’t make a fuss after that. They search the four remaining apartments of the small building. Levi teaches Eren to pick a lock. They find more bandages and clean clothes, which they swap with their blood-stained ones. Levi refuses to get rid of his cargo pants, his multiple pockets being too practical, but puts on a dark gray T-shirt, while Eren opts for sweatpants and a black T-shirt. They wash away the blood and dirt from their hands and their faces. Another discovery was waiting for them in the last apartment.

“Honey!” Levi exclaims with delight, opening a jar.

He takes a teaspoon and puts it in the jar.

“Honey does not expire, it is a very good post-apocalypse food, it is natural and it has a strong energetic power. Anna told me about that.”

He hands Eren the spoon without hesitation, without even taking one. Eren sniffs it, eyebrows raising suspiciously at the smell coming from it.

“Come on Elite boy. Don’t tell me you’ve never had any?”

Eren shakes his head to Levi’s surprise and stares at spoon for several seconds before opening his mouth for Levi to feed him.

“It's not bad…” he says running his tongue around the substance that sticks to his teeth. Wet, soft, slippery but very sweet.

“Strong glycemic index. Do not ask me what that means. I heard Anna say it so often that it was engraved in my brain.”

Levi takes another spoon to eat in turn from the container. He laughs as he looks at Eren a few seconds later.

“Got it on your chin,” he smiles as he reaches forward with his finger to remove honey from Eren's skin.

He licks it off his thumb under Eren's gaze. Levi swallows uncomfortably. He had forgotten Eren's reluctance about them. He clears his throat before getting up.

“I’m taking this with me.” He says as he hold the honey container. “I’ll have a look at the bathroom and we will be able to return to our apartment. It’s too late to leave anyway and I don’t want us to be stuck out at night without any source of brightness.”

The contaminated had not left the place anyway. They were no longer on the back, but had not left the main street. They could have gone out by the emergency exit but, as Levi had said, they could get stuck outside by the night falling in two or three hours.

Levi drops to the couch, Eren in the chair, the book he had picked up in another apartment earlier, in the hand. Levi begins to read too. The novel he had taken from a room two stories above spoke of a world that the aliens had invaded. The aliens took human form. Of course, there was a love story between a human and one of the invaders.

Levi wonders what world would have been better. The one they had today or that world. At first sight, the human species had been reduced to nothing and submitted, in this book, at least in large majority. Zombies, they were fierce and tough, but not very intelligent. They were scary because they were numerous and ruthless, not because they were superior to humans.

Maybe Levi prefers to live in his world. It’s the first time he had thought about it.

They dine with fruit in syrup and spoons of honey, with slices of apples.

Eren sits next to Levi on the couch this time. He tries to read but can’t help keep an eye on him. He doesn’t know what he fixates. But he looks very sad suddenly. For the first time, Eren see in his eyes the lost glow of life, which goes away. He’s scared but he doesn’t say anything. He can’t imagine being able to save him on his own. He doesn’t even imagine moving on without him.

Suddenly, Levi drops his head, as if he it’s too heavy. His forehead rests on Eren’s shoulder. Eren puts his hand on Levi’s neck. He expects him to cry but he does not. His sadness is too immense. His sadness is a black hole without bottom. Then he seems to snap out of it as he picks up his book and makes a distance between them.

**

Eren announces that he’s going to bed while Levi’s still in a catchy chapter. Even when he finishes Levi doesn’t join the room. He intentionally fell asleep on the couch and was awakened in the middle of the night by a hand shaking his shoulder. He leaps out of reach, his dagger ready to strike immediately, and only breaths when he realizes it’s just Eren.

“You fell asleep," he said with sleepy eyes. “Come, the bed is more comfortable.”

As Levi doesn’t move an inch, Eren gives him a questioning look.

“What’s wrong?”

“I saw how you reacted when I removed the honey off your face this afternoon. I don’t want to be in an awkward situation, Eren.”

His companion's eyes narrowed slightly before he shook his head.  He looks down.

“It has nothing to do with that. I... It’s not…” Eren huffs, frustrated. “It was not because of the honey, Levi.”

“What do you mean?”

Eren looks at his hands.

“It was because you laughed. For the first time since ... you know, what happened… I was… surprised. This is stupid. Never mind what I said.”

Levi feels a lump in his throat. He tries not to think about it, that's how he manages to move forward.

“Come sleep now," Eren says, turning around. “I can’t sleep properly if you're not there.” He adds, so softly that Levi barely hears him. “I feel like I'm alone. Just like after my banishment.”

Levi gives up after that. What else could he have done? He had chosen to sleep on the couch so as not to make things worse with Eren but it’s Eren who invited him to sleep in the bed. He’s not going to refuse.

He slips under the covers in the darkness. He tosses and turns for a while, unable to sleep.

“Do you need something?” Eren whispers suddenly.

_Yes._ Levi needs a time machine. To go back where things made sense.

“No.”

He nevertheless turns to him. The room is completely dark, he doesn’t even know exactly where Eren’s face is.

“By the way, earlier, I didn’t want to ... give you the impression that I had nothing to do with you or that—”

“I know, Levi. I didn’t understand why you were so cold to me at first, I understood afterwards. I understood when you caught up to me on the stairs. I sometimes had to deal with Levi who is on a mission. This Levi, cold, calculating, hard, the one who hides all emotion under a shell three meters thick, I know a little, not much. And the person you were today ... It was this Levi, pushed to the extreme. I understood after that it was your way of surviving all this. That's how you hold on and you do not fall down. You stay focused.”

“Lynne said that I’m a robot after Furlan’s death. Because I refused to show my pain. Or any emotions but anger.” Levi is quiet for a second. “You know… That actually hurts my feelings. Because I care, it’s just… Hard.”

Levi simply hopes that they would be safe at home when this bomb of his pain and his sadness would explode. At least no one would have to deal with the aftermath.

Levi searches for Eren's hand in the darkness, brushing his side and thigh before finding it. Taking his courage with both hands, he links his fingers and puts their hands together on the pillow between them. Eren's thumb strokes his skin.

“I'm doing this for you too. That's the only way I can take you home. By staying focused on the task at hand.”

“Bringing me back to the base?”

Levi hums face flushed against the pillow.

“And what about taking you home, Levi? That doesn’t count?”

_It matters less_ , Levi thinks. Eren has to know what he’s thinking about because he sighs deeply.

“I hope one day you'll understand how much people care about you, Levi. How precious you are to them.”

_Not after what Happened, no..._

Once again, Levi doesn’t answer. He closes his eyes feeling himself falling asleep.

A loud bang breaks through the serenity and pulls them out of their slumber. Levi jumps from his bed.

The illusion of peace and serenity is once again broken.

They’re under attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back again with another chapter XD I just want to thank you guys for all the love and support as always <3 Your words mean the world to me. So thank you so so so much <3 <3 I love reading your analysis of the characters and get to know how you see them. (i obviously know more details that shape who they are since i made them lmao) But seeing your perspective is pretty cool! so thanks for sharing your thoughts! Anyways i hope you enjoyed the chapter <3 <3 Have a nice day/night wherever you are in the world.


	22. Liberty

For a few seconds Levi wasn't sure what he'd heard that woke him up. But then he heard the sound again. He jumps from the bed reaching for his gun under the pillow his heart leaping fast in his chest.

“What was that?” Eren whispers as he lights his headlamp.

“I don't know.” Levi frowns looking around. “Sounds like a gun shot.”

“It’s coming from outside.” Eren says pointing towards the door.

Levi leans over the door with his weapon in hand. Scarcely daring to breathe for fear of betraying his presence.

They hear whispers.

 _“Someone is definitely here.”_ A muffled voice says through the door.

Levi feels a shiver run down his spine when he hear those words. Are they going to have to run again? Are these people dangerous? These can’t be people from the base they don’t stay out this late.

“What do we do?” Eren asks frantic. Levi holds up his hand to shush him.

Levi doesn’t know what to do. They’re in the middle of the night, being outside is way too dangerous. The eerie beat of silence makes Levi’s skin prickle. He could barely make out what’s happening outside.

“ _Operative Blake… Sir… With all due respect, this is useless. We … package and go home… storm outside… as soon as possible.”_

Eren tenses beside him as he hears the conversation.

“They’re…. Did he just say Operative? We need to go! Now. They’re from Liberty.”

“What?” Levi whispers back confused. “Can’t we ask for their help then?”

Eren shakes his head, eyes wide. “No! We have to go now.”

Thunder rumbles outside as it starts raining, coming down in torrents now. A strong wind comes up, battering and clattering away at the building, rattling shutters, and making the outsiders conversation more or less difficult to hear.

The footsteps drag on as they come closer. His clutch on the gun tightens. His mind races with jumbled thoughts. He looks back at the window and it only takes him a second to decide to leave. He doesn’t know why he can’t trust these people but since Eren said so then he believes him.

He throws his backpack around his shoulder and yanks the window open. With his headlamp, he checks the outside to make sure it’s clear. The cold wind whips at his face making him shiver. It’s either the storm or Liberty operatives.

The door handle moves, imperceptibly, hardly at all. But he knows there are men on the other side of the door that probably want his death. The thought drives him to push Eren into jumping first. The banging at the door indicates that they’re trying to get inside. His heart is beating faster as he pushes himself away from the window ledge and jumps for just a few meters before hitting the ground feet first. He almost slips from the wet ground if it wasn’t for Eren beside him, steadying him.

They’re getting soaked as the rain continues to pour over them and they begin to run towards the trees.

 _They're coming for us_ , he thinks, as he hurries down the sidewalk. The wind cut straight through him like a razor.

Levi blinks through the raindrops trying to see as much as he can. He spots the outline of a vehicle, lights pointing at the building door. Before he can contemplate stealing it, he sees the shadow of someone inside the car.

It was a good call they would have never made it with god knows how many of them inside. Eren pulls him to the woods when he notices him slowing down.

“Are you crazy? We have to get the hell away.”

They can barely see through the eerie darkness if it wasn’t for the feint light from the headlamps.

The wind keens his face with an icy touch as thunder rumbles in the distance. Inside the forest, their footsteps and the dropping of rain on the leaves make the only sounds they could hear.

“Why did we run away again?”

They start walking slowly, taking deliberate steps, as they make it to the rocky side of the road it got slippery from the cold. Levi’s body still feels stiff. He could feel his pants and shirt freezing solid, but he goes on.

“Because Liberty are dangerous. They would’ve killed us. Especially since I’m with you.”

Levi frowns. _What does that even mean?_

“Why?”

“They’re just dangerous Levi. Don’t worry about anything else.”

Levi doesn’t say anything partly offended. After everything Eren is still hiding things from him. He sighs and focuses on the road.

They can’t stop until they find somewhere to stay. The path through the forest is muddy water in motion, filling deep puddles that splash as they run over them.

They stop a little, lingering in the night when they hear hissing and moaning. Levi grits his teeth as he feels anger and frustration building up. Eren pulls his sword and cuts off the head of the first contaminated with it.

Levi could hear zombies loudly moaning from behind him. And when he turns around, he could see their shadows advancing towards them.

_It’s a herd._

He grabs Eren’s hand, fighting through his numb legs as they began to run again on the concrete road. In this deprivation of light, Levi’s skin is all the more sensitive to the freezing rain. It does not pound or sting, but drips on his face like ice.

“It’s almost morning anyway we just need to make it until sunrise.” Levi says.

They jump between the cars parked randomly everywhere, praying that nothing comes out in front of them.

Sure enough in another thirty minutes, the rain slows to a drizzle. Eventually the lighting and thunder that had torn apart the sky ceased as everything stops.

Levi wipes the water from his eyes as they come to a halt, gasping for air. The mist thickened into a dense fog covering every distant object. The area lays mysterious, hiding, looming out at them in the whitened haze. Levi pulls his dagger out, putting his gun away to be less noisy. They advance through the wrecked scenery revealed with each step they take. They walk by a small park. The eerie squeaking of the rusty swings moving makes Levi feel uneasy. As if, danger is lurking around them.

They walk down the streets of a desolate concrete jungle. The smell of asphalt, vegetation, and death sickens Levi, for it reminds him that he has been walking for far too long. As he makes his way through the decaying city, a sight stops him in his tracks. Swinging from a lamppost is a body hanging from a noose. Half a body to be more accurate, for it’s lower half has already been eaten and shewed on.

As they get closer to the body, Levi sees tags on the decaying walls.

_There is more hope in death._

It sends a shiver down his spine. Perhaps there is hope in death. With everything, they go through and still fail maybe death is their fate. Perhaps this life is just not made for them. There will always be a risk of death every time you step outside. There is no hope for people outside the walls this life they have maintained so far is just an illusion. A temporary delay until their turn comes.

Sunlight shines through the trees as they walk slowly, feet crunching on dead leaves and roots. Levi holds his weapon in his right hand; eyes are on the lookout for sudden movement, ears listening for a quick snap of a twig or rustle. Suddenly he hears it, the rustle, the snap and there he faces it.

Coming out of the fog, a contaminated with wounds on its face and bloody flesh stuck in his teeth, determined to rip out his intestines for a light snack. Levi lifts up his dagger. Aims for the brain. Stabs. The creature falls. It’s just how it goes every time. His eyes are heavy with sleep and his legs are becoming weaker. However, he is determined to proceed and watch cautiously for the enemy for he never sleeps and approaches without warning.

He doesn't know how he knows, but he feels someone watching him. All traces of sleep fading as his heart beats madly. He isn't scared exactly, but he is anxious. In time, he slowly, nonchalantly looks around furtively, glancing to see if there is anyone looking back at him. He brushes it off when he sees nothing. Maybe he’s just tired and paranoid.

Levi sees barricades in the distance and he realizes that maybe there are other humans here. Dangerous or not he has no idea. In this state, he would rather not know. They’re surrounded by houses. The roofs are saggy and the cedar shingles stick up in places like wonky teeth. The windows had no glass in them. In the high winds of the season, they can hear the old houses creak. The grass has grown long and unkempt around them.

He holds up his hand for Eren to stop and points at the cement and wire barricade. There were multiple zombies stuck on traps. Half of them are dead. The rest get agitated when they get closer.

“Should we find another way to move past this area?” Eren says through gritted teeth. He’s trembling and his teeth are chattering from the cold. His lips are turning blue-ish. Levi pauses for a second to think.

He’s exhausted from all the running and lack of sleep. Eren is going to get sick if he doesn’t change and dry off. They need water, food, and shelter before it starts raining again. There doesn’t seem to be anyone in this area so far. Only dead bodies or contaminated walking around.

“No.” He says eventually. “I can’t risk dragging us more we need to rest and get you somewhere warm or you’ll get sick on me.”

“No…” Eren says seemingly embarrassed. “Don’t stop because of me.” He wraps his arms around himself trying to warm up. “I can still move.”

Levi stares at him for a second resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “No you can’t. I need to rest too.”

Eren purses his lips but nods. It’s so cold outside that Levi can see his breath coming out in a hot fog.

They walk past the barricades finishing off the stuck contaminated. They’re about to step inside the first house when they hear something crunching behind them. Levi fishes out his gun and looks back in time to see a shadow moving quickly behind an alley.

“There’s someone here.” Levi pulls at Eren’s sleeve to get his attention. “Do you think they tracked us down?”

“If they did, we would be the ones hiding. Or dead!”

With their guns in hand, they both advance towards the noise.

“Who’s there?”

“Come out, right now.”

Seconds pass and nothing happens. Then a man appears with his hand in the air, holding dead squirrel with one and a bloody knife with the other.

“Easy…” He says with a grating voice. “I’m not here to hurt you.”

 _He looks old_ , Levi thinks as he studies him.

“Try something and I’ll blow your brains out.” He threatens. He doesn’t know if this guy is dangerous or not. For now, he’s just someone who tried to sneak up on them.

He has a straggly, unkempt beard and his dirty ragged clothes indicate that he doesn’t have a camp or a place to stay. Definitely not a Liberty member either. Eren would have said so.

“What do you want?” Eren asks watching him like a hawk.

“I’ve been watching you since the minute you entered the neighborhood.” He starts. “I needed to make sure you’re not with them before approaching you.”

“You mean before sneaking up on us.” Eren spits angrily. “What the fuck do you want?”

The stranger wipes his nose with the back of his hand. “I know it’s not easy to trust a stranger but you can see I have my hands up. I’m not here to attack you.”

 “How many are with you?” Levi asks eyeing the area looking for more people.

“Everyone is dead. I’m by myself.” The man moves a step and Levi cuts him off.

“Stay right there or I’ll fucking shoot you. Drop the fucking knife and anything you have on the ground where I can see it.”

“Okay, okay…” He obeys putting down the squirrels, his knife and his backpack. “I’m Nick. Look, we could help each other around here. Think about it, safety in numbers and everything.”

“Yeah right.” Eren scoffs. “Why did you sneak then?”

“Would you have showed yourself immediately if you’ve seen strangers?” Nick shrugs. “I had to make sure first. You even have my weapon and I’m cooperating with you without putting up a fight. I mean well.”

They slowly and carefully walk towards him. Eren picks up the knife and steps back.

“What do we do?” Levi whispers to Eren, backing away but still keeping an eye on Nick.

“I don’t know, I’m not sure about him.” Eren eyes him up and down.

“But we can’t leave him I guess. He’s alone. He could be of help.”

“Well we can actually leave him. But if that’s what you think then okay. I’ll keep an eye on him.”

“Okay.” Levi nods glancing back at the man then back to Eren. “Thanks.”

Eren nods in response.

“I’m Levi.” Levi says after making  his way back to Nick. “This is Eren. Care to share some of that?” He points at the dead animals, putting his gun away.

“Sure. Let’s get somewhere safer first.” Nick picks up his backpack and ties the squirrel to the strap.

“Where are you from?”

Levi had no time to answer as they hear the familiar scream – a bloodcurdling, wailing, harrowing scream of a Hunter.

“ _Shoot!_ He’s here.” Eren gasps looking back. “Let’s go. He’s not alone.”

Levi looks back to find a dozen of contaminated and hunters coming their way.

“I kinda need my knife back now.”

“As if I’ll give it to you.” Eren scoffs again. “If you want to live don’t stop running.”

“Come on! I can’t defend myself like this. Please.”

“Fine.” Eren hands it to him hastily. “Try something and you’re fucking dead.”

They start running again towards the forest, jumping over the traps. Nick trips and falls. He tries to move but he realizes his leg is trapped.

Levi glances back at him and slows to a halt when Nick starts calling for them.

“ _Please! Don’t leave me! Please! I beg of you.”_

“Levi come on!”

“ _Please!_ ” He screams desperately. _“I’ll do anything. Get me out of here.”_

Levi looks back to Eren a little further and his mind flashes to the situation in the warehouse.

Nick keeps screaming tearing at the fabric of his trousers. Eren curses before joining him. Unlike Erwin he doesn’t make him choose. Together they jog towards Nick.

Levi sees blood on Nick’s legs and by further inspection, he realizes his legs is stuck not just the fabric. He looks for something to unclasp it but it doesn’t budge.

“Eren help me out. I’m gonna try to open it, you pull his leg.”

He uses all his power to pull the metal claps away and it starts moving. Eren drags Nick backwards and he sees the skin on his leg tearing through the process as more blood spills. This blood will attract them even more.

“Come on!” Levi grunts as he pulls as hard as he can until it opens enough to release his leg. Levi is dangerously aware of the close scream of the hunter.

“Look out!” Nick yells pointing behind him.

Eren next to him moves in a blink of an eye. Levi glances in time to see him cut through the hunter’s head with his katana. It slices through the skin splashing Levi with black ooze in turn and the blade stops mere inches away from his face. Levi releases a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as Eren pulls the katana away from him.

“Are you okay?”

Levi nods panting his limbs shake with adrenaline.

“Let’s go then.” He hold out his hand for Levi to take and helps him stand up.

Nick is wobbling trying to steady himself on his legs but still runs on his own.

**

They settle inside a small cabin after losing the contaminated. The cabin is empty. Bare from any form of life, just walls and shattered windows. Eren has finished wrapping Nick’s leg with a rag and they’re all sitting around the fire Nick started. They watch the squirrel cook in silence. Levi moves his numb hands closer to the flames to warm them up. The sun has fully risen by now. The sky is still grey but there’s no wind or rain. However, it’s freezing cold.

“What happened to your people?” Levi asks minutes later as he starts to feel warmer. The creaking of the fire and the water streaming from a river in the distance is the only sound that breaks the silence. “You said they’re all dead.”

Nick huffs shaking his head, his sad eyes look up at him for a second before they drop to the fire. “Those damn City people.” He starts and Levi feels Eren tense beside him. With a stick, Nick pokes the squirrel. “There’s this rebel group from the City. They’re called Liberty.” He explains not knowing that they’re already aware of who they are.

“We make deals with them. Or… Used to. They bring us things from the inside as we give them information from the outside. The deal broke when one of their operatives was killed the day we were supposed to have a meet up a few weeks ago. She was important apparently. They thought we killed her. But none of us did. When we got to the warehouse, there she was already dead, swimming in a pool of her own blood. But I saw those sons of bitches running away with a car.”

Levi freezes in his spot as he listens. The tale sounding familiar to him.

“We didn’t do anything. We needed them so why would we kill one of them. But we weren’t important to them. When I told them that, they didn’t believe me. They thought we betrayed them since we gave them no Intel on another group around here. Let alone another group who has these kind of resources.”

Levi meets Eren’s eyes who seems to think the same thing. There is no other group with a car besides them around here. Not that they know of. It can’t be.

“They came back to wipe us all. Women, children, elders. They left no one.” Nick stops in his tale to take a deep breath. He looks emotional as if talking about it bring him back to the moment it happened. “I hid like a coward under the dead bodies of my own people. I… I didn’t want to die.” He says with a small voice laced with shame.

Levi doesn’t dare to move or say anything for a while, unable to process what he just heard. They also killed a woman few weeks ago. A woman who had a big rifle. A rifle that could be from the City. They’re the cause of this man’s agony.

“I’m sorry.” Eren says breathless. Levi looks at him and he sees his tense jaw and his closed face. Eren pulled the trigger that finished her. All the bodies Levi stumbled upon the night before were from Nick’s people.

“It’s not your fault Eren.” Nick sighs heavily before picking up the stick with the squirrel on it and inspects it. “It’s okay you don’t have to look like this both of you.” He laughs awkwardly. “Let’s eat up it looks done. I’m glad there’s someone else around here. I thought I was going crazy.”

Levi is aware of the undeniable fact that he’s responsible for all these death. He feels guilty to be sitting in front of this man and lie to his face. He tries, in vain, to silence his conscience. It’s a matter of survival. Kill or be killed. She even attacked them first. He tries to tell himself that. He feels sick to his stomach.

Nick insists that they eat expressing his gratitude for their help. They start nibble on the meat to not rise suspicions. Who would refuse food in the apocalypse?

“So, where are you from?” Nick asks between bites. “I haven’t seen you around before.”

Levi swallows with difficulty not knowing what to say.

“South.” Eren starts. “We’ve been separated from our group after an attack and we’re trying to make our way back.” He lies. Levi fidgets uneasily and hums to back him up. “We have a place for you if you want.”

Nick watches them for a second not saying anything. Levi’s hand slowly and sneakily drops towards his gun next to him on the ground. He wonders if Nick made the connection. He holds his breath, heart hammering inside his chest. Nick is silent for a while as he glances back to his food. Seconds stretch between them as his trembling hands find his gun but then Nick nods. Levi pulls his hand away, exhaling in relief. They’re safe.

The wind picks up by midday as they hit the road again. They walk by the river again. They fill their canteens with water. Levi splashes his face and wipes away the blood from his skin. He frowns when looks at the others. Eren is still bent up on the edge with his eyes closed drinking water. What made him frown is the shock on Nick’s face. His wide eyes are glued to the necklace that had slipped out from under Eren’s shirt, dangling from his neck. The pendant that Levi had had a glimpse of once but never saw again. It shines under the light and Levi can see two pendants, one with roses in it and one with wings. However, he doesn’t see anything shocking about it.

“Is everything okay?” it came out sharper than he intended. Frankly, he doesn’t like the way Nick is staring at Eren.

Eren snaps his eyes open and turns towards nick. He follows his line of sight and hastily moves the pendant behind his shirt when Nick coughs looking away.

“Uh… Yeah… Yeah…everything is okay.” He laughs it off but no one joins him.

Levi can sense the tension in the air. Eren secures the cap around his water canteen and puts it back inside his bag.

Levi frowns. _What’s his deal?_

They walk into the forest silently until they make it back to the road again.

Nick slows down a bit behind them. Before Levi gets the chance to turn towards him, he feels a blow to the back of his head that has him crumpling to his knees. Pain immediately shoots up his head. Everything is black for a second

“ _Levi!”_

The sound of Eren’s voice is muffled as if he’s underwater. All Levi hears is the ringing in his ears. He blinks his eyes open. His head is spinning but his vision starts to focus.

_“Step away from him now.”_

He hears the unmistakable click of a gun’s safety catch and he realizes that he was hit in the back of the head by the butt of the rifle. He sees nothing when he pulls his hand away from the back his head away. At least no bleeding.

“ _Levi!”_

“Move another inch and I’ll blow your fucking head off.”

This he did not expect. Levi quickly begins to regret not shooting him the first time he saw him. He made a fatal mistake. Nick is holding Eren hostage with a gun pointed towards his temple.

“Levi! Are you okay?” Eren asks which grants him a pained nod from Levi. His head throbs painfully where he was hit. It’s almost laughable how Eren is worried for him while he’s the one held at gun point.

 _A bullet at that distance would go through his head like butter._ He remains still, waiting for further instructions, or to be silenced forever.

“What are you doing?” Levi turns his attention towards Nick. “Why are you doing this?”

“No hard feelings. But this City boy is my ticket out of this hell. They’ll let me in if I hand him over.”

Levi doesn’t understand anything he’s saying. How did he know Eren is from the City?

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s nothing against you. I will let you go. I just need him to get that fucking citizenship.”

_Citizenship?_

Levi sees the twinkle in Nick’s eyes almost as if he sees his dreams come true.

“You’re making a big mistake.” Eren says through his teeth. “This won’t end well for you even if you take me.”

He should have known better. The enemy hides and sits patiently awaiting and anticipating his attack for the moment he should turn his back, and if he sees he’s not guarded he will approach him as prey without warning. He should’ve remained aware at all times and expect any surprises. What humanity could be preserved when people are this selfish only thinking of themselves?

Levi takes the chance of his distracting in his reverie to draw his gun from his hostler but Nick recovers quickly.

“ _Put it down! Put the motherfucking gun down!”_

“We can handle this two ways,” Levi starts, rising to his feet. “You can drop your gun and walk off, or we can make it bloody!—your choice.”

“I don’t think you understand the situation Levi. I have the upper hand here.” Nick smirks infuriatingly at him. “What are you gonna do? Shoot me? I’d like to see you try.” He taunts him.

“Don’t test him. He’s crazy, he’ll do it.” Eren lets out a laugh.

“Maybe it’s better to get rid of you then.”

“Let him go or I’ll—” Eren grunts as Nick tightens his hold on his neck.

“Shut up.”

Levi hesitates, glancing at Eren momentarily. He’s wincing at the grip around his neck but seems unusually calm in a situation like this. Eren blinks at him and barely nods his head. The movement so subtle that Levi would have missed it if he wasn’t looking at him.

“I’m outside for a reason dumbass. Do you really think I’ll be useful for you?”

“I said shut up!” Nick says through gritted teeth. “Come on.” He looks at Levi. “I don’t have all day. I’m letting you go because you helped me. Him however, I need him.”

“Is there a point you're making or are you just trying to rub me the wrong way? We helped you while we could have left you to die. _We_ did. The both of us.”

“And I’m repaying you by letting you live. For the last time, put the gun down and every weapon you have on you before I stop being nice.”

Levi grits his teeth but slowly puts the gun down; he pulls his daggers and places them on the gravel. He stands with his hands in the air. Eren must have a plan, he trusts him.

“Kick them towards me. Over there and—” He points the barrel of his gun away from Eren’s head and it’s all it takes for Eren to move. It happened so fast that Levi could barely keep up.

Eren pushes Nick’s armed hand upwards. He snaps his head back fast and hard breaking Nick’s nose with a sickening crunch and sending a shower of blood down his chin. The gun goes off in the air. The grip around Eren’s neck loosens and Eren latches onto Nick's left arm, wrenching it forward and smashes an elbow into the side of his head, sending him staggering away.

Levi picks up his gun quickly as Nick drops on his knees. Eren kicks the gun from his hand with a bone-crunching roundhouse. Before a scream could be uttered, he swings around, grabs a hand full of Nick’s hair, and pull his head forward as he rams his knee into Nick’s face.

He holds his head for a few seconds after his knee connected, and when he lets him go Nick falls to the floor. Levi can't help the disbelief showing on his face. Nick whimpers and coughs up blood his face is busted and bloodied to the chin. He tries to sit up but fails miserably. His arms outstretched towards them begging for mercy, a crazy look on his face.

“What a pain in the ass.” Eren says nonchalantly. He looks bored as if he did not just display amazing martial arts skills. No wonder he kicked Erwin’s ass. Levi nods to himself. He’s an Elite of course he’s trained. After all Eren is not some clueless kid that needs protection.

“What’s this deal about Citizenship?”

“I won’t tell you anything.” He looks frantic, angry. “You’ll regret this. They’ll find you either way. It’s just a matter of time before you’ll be wiped out.”

“You had a chance for a better opportunity.” Levi shakes his head in disappointment. “We would have given you a home among us. But you got greedy and betrayed us.” He points the gun at his head.

“You’re not gonna do it. You’re not that kind of people or you who’d have the minute you saw me.”

“Watch me.”

Nick’s eyes widen when he hears Levi’s words. He then starts crying and begging them to let him go when he realizes by the look on his face that he will. Perhaps they had part of ruining his life but they gave him an alternative and he made another choice. This is on him.

He knows he must kill him or be killed. He feels sorry for him but that’s how life is in their world. He looks at him one last time before he pulls the trigger. Nick’s lifeless body falls back on the ground and blood starts pooling around his head.

The fear of death makes us do ignoble things, immoral things. Levi is neither man nor beast, he’s just a wandering soul on the roads who’s lacking sleep and desperately seeks a way to survive by killing those who once had been of his kind.

The gun shot echoes and disappears with the icy wind. Thunder strikes from above and as Levi looks up, droplets of water splash his face. The rain is cold, and he felt it spitting in his face. The gun felt heavy in his hands, it made him feel safe but at the same time it felt wrong.

“I didn’t think you would do it.” Eren says. Levi closes his eyes for a second and then puts his gun back in the hostler.

He wouldn’t have done it if he had a choice. He knew deep down that if he let Nick go he’ll come back after them. He takes no pleasure in taking anyone down. None. It's just necessary at times.

Eren stares at him thoughtfully then he nods to himself.

“Let’s go.”  

**

The surroundings were deserted as always. They run all afternoon until the evening. Levi is exhausted. They ran to live, to survive, to go home, and that was what kept him alive. Levi doesn’t even know if he had the strength to do it if Eren had not been with him. They help each other keep going. Levi feels a pang of worry when Eren starts slowing down. Unable to move in the cold.

They stop in a small neighborhood. Levi breaks a window to enter one of the smaller houses. Fewer entries to watch. Sections of the ceiling hangs limp in the stagnant air. Fragments of plaster lie damp over a long untrodden floor. Cold water seeps through window frames, rotten and blistered, to nurse the mildew and rise up wallpapers that peel.

They block all the exits as soon as they enter. When Levi turns around after securing the kitchen backdoor, he finds Eren still standing in the middle of the living room, trembling.

“I'll try to see if there are any blankets. Take off your wet clothes and dry yourself with the towel that we packed yesterday.”

Levi climbs the stairs to the first floor. The same scenes as usual awaited him there. Drawers and closets left open in the rush of departure. He finds a thick duvet in one of the bedrooms and goes downstairs. Eren rubs his hair with the towel, standing in just a pair of black boxer shorts, and nothing else, and all Levi wants to do is run his hands over every inch, every muscle along his back. Goose pimples cover his skin as he shivers from the cold.

Levi watches the way his back muscles move under smooth, tanned skin, flexing. Broad, glistening back that shows off a beautiful tattooed artwork. He hadn’t seen it before. Eren has a large wings tattoo that is spread all the way across his back, covering it almost entirely.

Levi has the desire, fierce desire– to reach out and touch him, trace the outline of each wing – lightly, with his fingertips. He drapes the duvet over his shoulders instead.

Eren jumps at the contact.

“Your tattoo is awesome.”

“Thanks.” He tells him softly.

“Sit down,” Levi pushes him gently towards the leather sofa that sits in the middle of the living room.

He takes off his own shirt and wrings it from the water. He sits down next to Eren and asks him to turn back to him. He takes the towel and starts drying off Eren’s hair gently.

“Jeez… You can’t do anything right!” Levi teases.

Eren smiles and tilts his head back without saying a word.

“You're not cold?” He asks a few minutes later.

“A little.” Levi confesses drying himself off. “How are you feeling?”

Eren shrugs under the blanket.

“I can’t get warm.” He says with a trembling voice. He sucks in a breath through his teeth. “I’ll be fine though.”

Levi knows that human warmth is the best way to warm another person, but he doesn’t mention it. He doubts Eren would like the idea.

It’s Eren who mentions it.

He turns around and stretches out an arm, unfolding the white duvet that covers him.

“Do you want to make a cocoon?” Eren asks, barely able to hold back a shy smile.

“A cocoon?”

“Isabel used to call it that.” Levi can literally see him blush a little. “When we used to sit on the edge of my window or hers at night, we would take blankets and curl up in them. The warmth of our two bodies warms the air quickly. She called it a cocoon. As if, we were two caterpillars.”

Levi bites his lower lip so as not to laugh, tilting his head to the side.

“I can see a certain resemblance between your—”

Eren throws a pillow at him when he starts giggling. “Ha-Ha very funny. I’m serious you know.”

Catching himself Levi’s smile dies and he looks down. Eren frowns before he seeming to understand. His face softens.

“Nile wouldn’t mind if you laugh, Levi.” He whispers gently.

“Of course he wouldn’t. _He’s dead_.” Levi says through the lump in his throat.

He sighs deeply. Eren is right. He had locked himself in his head for two days. He keeps pushing Eren away. It was his way of staying focused and not collapsing but he realizes how stupid he is. It’s not by treating Eren badly and snapping at him that they’re going to survive. They have to stick together.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

Eren nods.

He wraps his arm around Levi and forcibly pulls him down. Levi's lets out a small gasp surprised. He lands back on the couch. He steadies himself by his hand on the inside of Eren’s thigh. He feels Eren’s bare skin against his palm.

“Come on now. I'm vulnerable this time,” Eren, says smiling at him. “So don’t take advantage of me.”

Levi’s heart skips a beat when Eren starts laughing at his expression.

“Careful there.” Levi looks up at his still smiling eyes. “Sit with me. I’m freezing.”

“Okay.” As the words come out of his mouth, he realizes how strange his voice sounds to his own ears.

Eren’s bright eyes look at him with such intensity it felt like he could see through Levi’s soul. It gives birth to delicious sensations throughout his whole being.

His long darkened wet hair is draped on either side of his beautifully chiseled face. All that comes to Levi’s mind when he looks at Eren is that he’s beautiful. Quite simply, beautiful. Levi can see his lips tremble with cold, his skin covered with goose bumps.

He’s completely lost in his eyes, but despite this, internally, he urges Eren to kiss him. They’re so close already. He’s dying for it. Eren’s eyes fall to his mouth, then, he licks his lips, leaning in. He hovers, his face an inch above Levi’s. Instinctively Levi’s hands slides up Eren’s arms to his shoulders. He’s scared to do something and make things worse. But he doesn't have time to think about it. Eren closes the remaining distance.

He seems to have stopped fighting for control as he leans in and closes his eyes. Finally sealing their lips. His lips are soft, gentle, and hesitant against Levi’s. They sit like that mouths pressed against each other, fusing, moving. Levi loses awareness of everything around them as it becomes more urgent.

The greediness of Eren’s lips is unsettling. Butterflies race around Levi’s stomach. His body is coming to life, his heart racing. It makes him wonder how he resisted kissing him this long. He runs his tongue over Eren’s lips, tickling the seam and Eren grants him access.

Levi inhales shakily, and he runs his tongue along his lower lip. A tide of longing spreads through him. His fingers fist around Eren’s hair, pulling him closer.

He boldly slides his tongue in, and a hot bolt of lust runs through him chasing away the ugly memories of what’s happened. Eren’s tongue moves leisurely through it, as if he had all the time in the world to discover every one of his secrets. Levi’s hands come up to tangle in Eren’s hair, tugging at the soft locks. It earns a moan and a hum from Eren, the sound catching in his throat.

He sucks on Eren’s tongue desperately clinging to the sense of safety. This is just temporary, he knows it but his body wants it. He craves it. Levi sucks on his tongue, as if he wants to fill his mouth with Eren.

Eren groans against him. He bites on Levi’s bottom lip. Eren’s hands find their to Levi’s back, rubbing the smooth expanse of his skin. Nails dragging making Levi moan in return. He takes the chance to climb over and straddles his lap making him lean back on the couch. Eren moans as his lower body makes contact with Levi’s. They ease apart, but remain too close. Eren’s eyes glaze with arousal mirroring his. His lips brush against Levi’s and he whimpers at the loss of contact.

Eren reaches his right hand up and cups the side of his face. He grazes his cheek with his fingertips, as if what he touches is fragile and precious. Levi swipes a thumb over his lower lip and realizes how badly he wants to kiss this pretty boy looking up at him. His swollen lips throb with want for him. He could feel his cock twitch in anticipation. He wants to pleasure him with his tongue until he fills his mouth.

Eren parts his lips attempting to say something but it goes completely swallowed by Levi’s mouth.

Breathing speeds up, he pulls Eren even closer. Heart beating at a new pace, he clings to him to feel every inch of his skin. He’s suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling.

 _Please don’t leave._ He silently begs him. _Please don’t betray me like he did._

He’s flushed against him, hearts beating against each other. He kisses him as if life can be found on the breath they share. He kisses him so hard hoping he can convey to him what he can’t say out loud. He could feel both his and Eren’s familiar hardening through the layer of clothes. It makes his skin tingle and his heart race because he’s made that happen. He has the same affect that Eren has over him.

Levi’s hand fist around Eren’s hair and pulls gently back exposing his neck. He wants him so much, wants to kiss him and lick his body, caress it. Wants to feel him withering in pleasure under his. Levi lowers his mouth to his soft skin, strokes it along the curve where his neck and shoulder meet, Eren sighs again and tips his head back. Levi trails kisses along his throat. Eren’s breathy moans send sensations shooting to the base of his spine.

He wants to peel the clothes from Eren’s body and covers him with himself. Wants to hear the quick hitch of his breathing. His tongue flickers over Eren’s skin. He could see it quiver under his trailing tongue. He lovingly nibbles at his neck. Eren gasps, the feeling of teeth against his skin sending a jolt of arousal down his body. Levi growls, working the bite until it’s almost purple.

“ _Levi…_ ”Eren moans.

Selfishly, Levi feels the need to hear him moan his name over and over. He wants to taste him. And breathe him. And hear him say his name— moan his name, whisper his name, scream his name. He wants him buried deep inside of him to the very hilt. He would fill him up, and Levi’s ready for it, more than ready.

Levi makes a half-strangled groan in response to the abrupt change, but it barely phases him as he connects their lips together. Eren’s gasp fills him the way he wants to fill Eren, with passion and lust.

They kiss for what feels like forever and at the same time, not long enough. He wants him. Wants him with every fiber of his being. Wants his strength pressing him down, filling him, possessing him.  Levi’s hips move on their own, back and forth, too lost in his pleasure. Rubbing against each other. He could feel Eren’s cock beneath him. He couldn't stop from pressing against him even harder.

“ _Fuck._ ” Eren groans, as he tears his lips from Levi’s. “I think… we should stop.” He blurts out breathless, red faced and wide eyed, puffy lips glistening with spit.

A hot mess that Levi caused.

“Stop?” Then, shaking with a variety of emotions ranging from fear to desire, Levi kisses him again. He doesn’t want to stop. Why would he stop?  He needs this. He wants this. And clearly Eren does by the way his body reacts.

Eren kisses him back for a second but pulls away, leaning his head back. “You’re not making this easy. Stop.”

If it were with anyone else, Levi would have been embarrassed by his very loud panting right now. Eren’s just as affected as he is.

He then gently pushes him off his lap. “Please.”

Levi moves shakily to sit next to him.

“I’m sorry—”

“It’s not you.” Eren starts worrying his lips between his teeth. Levi wants to kiss him again. “This is—”

“Please don’t say it’s a mistake.” Levi’s eyes fly to his as he feels a pang rising in his chest. “I don’t think I could bear that right now.”

Eren shakes his head as a response. “It’s not that. That was definitely not a mistake. I… It’s… I just…”

He sighs and run his hand through his hair, frustrated.

“Never mind. I'm going to see if there’s anything to eat.” He says before standing up and going to the kitchen.

Levi sighs as he watches Eren leave the room. He groans, biting back the frustration. He closes his eyes and lays back on the sofa. He’s still hard from the excitement created by their heated moment.

 _Fuck,_ he really likes him. A lot more than he should have allowed himself to.

It’s terrifying to find himself standing on an edge with nowhere to go but fall and still not caring to stop himself long enough to avoid the fall. The knowledge that this could end brutally just like everything in his life was devastating. It wins over everything. That thought chokes him and he has to stuff it down and block it out. There’s nothing of that.

Everything that’s happened so far is messing with his head. That’s it, he’s just confused. Once this is over, he’ll go back to himself.

**

They each stay at the end of the couch for the rest of the evening. Levi doesn’t say anything when Eren puts his legs over his lap as he reads. The storm hasn’t stopped outside and they have nothing else to do but wait.

“Where would you be if you weren’t banned?”

Levi blurts out then glances at Eren, already regretting his question. He needs to work on a filter between his thoughts and his mouth one day. Why would he ask him that? It’s none of his business.

Eren puts his book down carefully and throws his head back on the armrest. Maybe he was used to this kind of incongruous questions from Levi.

Eren hums seeming to think for several seconds before answering.

“I would have finished the project I was working on when I got banned. It was a new way of producing electricity by, by installing mini wind turbines on the surface of Utopia walls. I would probably be fighting for a more equitable distribution of resources.”

“That is to say?”

Eren sits up crossing his legs over the couch.

“That is to say that in the City, no resource is distributed equally. That it is the food, the energy, the materials ... One makes believe to the poorest Zones that they have access only to the quota of food necessary for their survival, as indicated by the chip that they implant in us. In truth, the richest areas often have access to more food, or at least better food. We keep the most refined dishes for the most powerful obviously.” He scoffs rolling his eyes.

Levi watches him as he speaks. His hair has dried by now, curling on the edges, framing his face.

“In terms of equipment, it's the same thing.” Eren continues. Running his hand through his hair as he speaks. “Districts 1, 2 and 3 have the luxury stuff, District 10 is just waste, I heard. In energy matters, it's the same. In the highest areas, that is to say the poorest, such as 8, 9 or 10, they only have electricity at certain times of the day. A little in the morning, at noon and in the evening for two or three hours tops. I always thought it must be terrifying to roam the night in District 10. There is no light and people are so poor that delinquency is the highest in that part of the City, because some people steal or kill to get out of their misery. In Districts 1 and 2, no such control is done on electricity. We can leave the light on all day if we want. I never found that normal. My mentor and I wanted to change that. I don’t think we would have succeeded, but we would have tried. What is appalling is that there would be enough resources for everyone if they were equitably distributed.” He sighs shaking his head.

Levi tries to understand the situation. At the base, they limit electricity for everyone because they have no choice. There were no privileged people. If Kenny wanted to continue working late, he uses candles, like the rest of the community. Levi struggles to understand how such inequalities in this dire time existed.

“Otherwise ... I think I would have moved out from my parent’s house. I wouldn’t have stayed with them after Isabel was...” Eren's grits his teeth as his fists curl angrily over his lap as if the memory is too painful. “After what happened to Isabel.” He looks away.

“When you told me that the authorities had enough to save your sister when she got sick... that means that your parents could have intervened to save her right?” Levi asks, hesitantly.

Eren nods dryly. “They could have. But they didn’t do it.”

“Why not?”

“Because she ‘ _deserved’_ it.”

Eren still remembers that day like it was yesterday. He remembers her dying slowly and painfully right before his eyes. He remembers begging his parents, begging his father. He remembers bowing on his knees crying for his sister. He remembers going from doctor to doctor but no one would disobey the government. No one would come to help him.

He remembers all the times she would stand up for him against their parents and taking him to all those forbidden areas and showing him all these forbidden pre contamination era things. He remembers the day she died. Her cold body that he hung on for dear life. His father snatching him away from her. Him screaming and begging to not be separated.

He remembers her telling him it’s okay, thanking him for always being there and trying everything. He remembers the silence in the room after she took her last breath. All that’s left of her was a thin pale body, skin on bones. He remembers the smell of fire as they burned her because she didn’t deserve a burial or a funeral. He remembers her aches flying through the wind.

He remembers thinking that she finally got her freedom from this ugly world that didn’t deserve her. From this ugly City that she tried to bring life into and in the end killed her. From her parents that never loved her or treasured her. He remembers being angry at her because he didn’t want to be left behind. Because she had always promised to stay but left too early. She was the only person who understood him, the only one who cared for him and loved him unconditionally.

His parent’s betrayal was never expected. She did so much to serve the City but they discarded her as if she was nothing. She was regarded as a mere filthy spy in Liberty. But not even Liberty cared for her. She was a beautiful person that didn’t deserve to end that way. The wound is still open and fresh in his heart. The tears blur his eyes despite him trying hard not to cry.

“How... How can they say that their child deserves to—”

Levi stops when he sees that Eren was crying silently. Trembling from his contained sobs. Eren angrily wipes his tears.

Levi moves closer to him.

“Hey, I’m so sorry. Please don’t cry.” He wipes up his tears with on hand but more spill from his beautiful green eyes and Levi just wants to punch himself in the face for pushing him to talk.

Levi rests his forehead on Eren’s temple, running his fingers through Eren’s hair.

“I'm sorry about your sister.”

Eren nods, thanking him.

His face was red, and snot and tears were smeared everywhere. He’s still gorgeous.

He sniffs, wipes the last tear from his cheeks, embarrassed.

“Sorry about that.”

Levi traces his thumb across Eren’s cheek and down to his bottom lip. 

“Never apologize for that. Are you feeling better?”

He nods then takes a deep breath.

“Tell me something else. What else would you have done if you were in Utopia?”

“I would ... I would have gotten married, surely.” Eren chuckles at the thought. “We get married young there. Girls get married when they turn eighteen. Except those who are part of the Guard, like Isabel. They never marry. Elaine ... my girlfriend… Well ex-girlfriend now, turned eighteen five months ago. We probably would have gotten married.”

His voice was dull. He was still with Isabel. Despite the heart-ache that it caused Levi to hear Eren talk about who he should have married, he urged him to continue.

“How was she? Elaine?”

“She was nice. She was cute, very smart and we got along really well.” A small smile crosses his lips at the fond memory. “But she couldn’t see ... how fucked up Utopia was. She didn’t see that our system was corrupted. We had our biggest disagreements on that. She said that Isabel was exaggerating and that she had put misconceptions on my mind. She said that we’re just doing everything we’ve done to survive, that it was also what our leaders did. She loves animals, especially cats. She took care of my sister’s cat after she died. She was calm by nature but she didn’t like being wrong. She was always respectful of people though.”

“How did you meet?”

“At school. We were part of the same group of friends. She was the sister of one of my friends, more precisely. Apparently, she had a crush for me for a long time, long before we even started dating. I didn’t see anything.”

He lets out a sad laugh shaking his head.

“I don’t even know what I really felt for her anymore. Everything is blurry now. All the relationships that I had in Utopia are put in perspective.”

“Why?”

Levi leans against the back of the couch and glances at him.

“Because everything is different here. Have you ever had the feeling that you will never have a friend closer than a specific person, that you will never be able to love anyone more than that one? Until you meet someone else who shows you that, yes, you can. That’s what it feels like. Sometimes I wonder what my friends in the City would have done here. Those people I considered so close to me, would they have run away like Erwin? Would they have come back for me, like you?”

“It's different, Eren. I was born in here.”

“Erwin too.”

Levi clenches his teeth at the memory. Bloody Nile. Erwin running away. He can already feel the anger bubbling inside his veins. He can already see himself tearing him to pieces for what he’s done. If they ever make it back home it won’t end well for Erwin.

“Nile and you count more for me than for him. I guess that plays part. Don’t compare what your friends would have done in our situation, rather what I would have done in a situation you might have faced.”

Eren smiles a bit tightly.

“I thought about it too. Again, according to my criteria, you win.”

“What is your criteria? What is the situation?”

“Okay, the punishment of a person for a "crime" according to the Patriarchs. Steal food, for example. Some in higher circles find that it is justified, to maintain order and system. It would outrage you I’m sure of it. I'm sure you would take the place of these people if you could, even. My friends would have looked away saying that it is the rules of the City. I would have done the same back then.”

Levi squirms a little, uncomfortable.

“Your friends and I were not raised in the same conditions and we did not have the same mindset, it's not by—”

“Can you just shut up for once and take a compliment. I’m not being nice Levi. You really are a good, altruistic and brave person. I admire that about you.”

Taken by surprise, Levi goes silent. He moves back to his corner of the couch and crosses his arms over his chest.

“I'm not—”

Eren sighs deeply before getting up.

“I'll see if they have dry clothes. You should get some sleep. And don’t even dare to tell me that you’re fine. I can see how tired you are.”

Levi grumbles under his breath. It’s not that he’s fine. He’s scared to sleep and something else happens.

He sits up when Eren disappears. He picks up their stuff and heads to the bedroom upstairs. He slips under the blanket, his gun under his pillow, his two daggers on the bedside. He falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

**

Levi wakes up sometimes later when he hears noise. In seconds, he’s leaning back against the wall opposite the room, his gun in his hand, ready to shoot.

“It's me, calm down.”

Levi breathes a sigh of relief after seeing it was none other than Eren.

“You’re gonna kill me one day I swear.”

He lowers his weapon and rubs at his tired eyes sleepily.

“Don’t even joke about that right now.” He mumbles going back to bed.

He slips back between the sheets and lays there watching Eren pushing the dresser against the door to block the entrance for security. He joins him in bed. Levi falls asleep with Eren beside him.

**

When he wakes up again in the night, Eren’s still in bed.  His irregular breathing shows that he’s not sleeping.

“What’s wrong?” Levi whispers sleepily.

Without really thinking about what he was doing, Levi turns on his back and fumbles around to find Eren’s hand, his arm, whatever it was. Against all odds, Eren turns to him and puts an arm around his waist to draw him closer, burying his face in his hair. Levi 's bare skin burns against Eren's.

“Hey,” Levi whispers softly, struggling against sleep. “Everything is fine. We are fine.”

He raised a hand to his friend's head to stroke his hair. Eren buries his face in Levi’s hair as he squeezes his body against his chest. Levi's heart leaps faster in spite of himself.

“Do you want to tell me what's wrong?”

“No.”

“Okay. Do you want to keep using me as a teddy bear then?”

“Yes.”

“Hm.”

Levi turns completely to Eren, burying his face in his neck and wrapping an arm around him. This is something he would never have done by day if he had been fully awake.

“it'll be better tomorrow. Whatever it is.”

“Would it?”

Levi kisses Eren's neck for an answer tracing shapes on his bare shoulder with his thumb. Eren pulls away a few minutes later taking a deep breath.

“I'm going to get some water. You go back to sleep.”

Levi struggles against sleep, until he came back, turning to his side, facing the wall. Eren sits on the edge of the bed for several seconds when he comes back. He slips back under the blanket. He lay on his back for a moment before sighing and getting closer to Levi, spooning him.

Levi keeps his eyes open in the dark for a moment, terrified by how he feels but unable to get away.

“Are you asleep?” Eren whispers into his ear. Levi shivers. “Do you want me to move back?”

He must have felt that Levi was not sleeping.

“No,” He replies immediately. He doesn’t want him to move away. He likes being in his arms.

He tangles his legs with Eren's to confirm his words.

“Exceptional circumstances, exceptional measures,” Levi mumbles chuckling into the pillow. “Don’t get used to having me as your teddy bear.”

“Shut up and go to sleep.”

Levi laughs and moves Eren's hand over his stomach, with a soft "good night."

He desperately tries to stop his pulse from picking up when Eren's thumb caresses his skin in response. He knows what that means.

After the horror of these last days, they had only one another. Clinging to each other was the only way they could make sure they were not alone, even in their sleep.

Levi tries to convince himself that it’s nothing. He denies the warmth spreading into him at the gesture.

_It means nothing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiiiii! i'm sorry for posting late AGAIN here's a long ass chapter to make up for it i hope you enjoy it <3 <3 Thank you for the love and support as always it means a lot!  
> Anyway, how are you guys? Good luck for the ones who are still going through their finals/exams or whatever stressful situation y'all are going through xD  
> BTW YA GIRL GOT ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL [FAN ART](https://fizzyxox.tumblr.com/post/174086761468/contamination-apocalypse-au-i-used-manipulation) BY THE LOVELY [FIZZYXOX](https://fizzyxox.tumblr.com/) AGAIN!!!!! THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH! AAAAAAAA (i'm still fangirling excuse me XD)  
> seriously Fizzyxox has been supportive from day one promoting my story on tumblr and commenting and making art i'm so thankful i don't even have words to describe how i feel thank you so much again <3 <3  
> I hope y'all have a nice day/night wherever you are in the world!  
> (ALSO I PASSED MY EXAMS AND I'M SO HAPPY Y'ALL DON'T EVEN KNOW XD)


	23. I can't do it without you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! I'm back with another chapter as you can see lmao! Thank you for the love and support as always, you guys are awesome and it means the world to me. Seeing your lovely comments makes me so happy.  
> Here's my tumblr [Fic Side Blog](https://peachesandcreamss.tumblr.com/) I'm not really active there but i'm going to be! If y'all wanna talk, get updates, send me memes or whatever hit me up xD Tag anything fic related under #ContaminationFic so i can see it <3 <3  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, have a nice day/night wherever you are in the world ^^

Levi wakes up disoriented some time later, heart beating fast from a nightmare he doesn’t even remember. Eren is still wrapped around him and he doesn’t know how he feels about that yet. It’s nice but he doesn’t want to get used to it. He slowly untangles himself from Eren’s limbs and goes to the window. It has stopped raining. It was just before sunrise and the horizon had taken on a dull red-ish color.

Levi turns to wake Eren up. It’s better to start so early in the morning and make the most of the day. Eren strangely takes more time to wake up and seems to be slower than usual. Levi knows he’s tired.

Outside it’s still as cold as yesterday. The air is filled with the pungent smell of rain and dust and grass. Eren is quiet and seems distant which settles uncomfortably with Levi. He’s been acting weird since yesterday night and he doesn’t know what exactly caused it. He pushes his hands in his pockets kicking rocks as he walks.

The sun appears for a few minutes, casting a golden glow around them. The wet tree leaves glisten and shine like diamonds. But it’s soon gone as the sky turns suddenly darker, getting heavier with rain clouds.

They walk by rusty abandoned cars everywhere on the road. They should avoid the highways, where the contaminated are in too much concentration, but it’s the shortest way to go back.

Levi grabs Eren's arm when a tide of contaminated come out from side. A horde. Dozens of zombies that may have picked up their scent, carried by the wind. Dozens of contaminated which, after a moment of aimlessly walking around, actually make their way towards them. Dozens of undead which had decided to make them their next meal.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Levi groans, pulling out his daggers and pushes Eren forward. “Let’s go.”

As they start running, Levi hears nothing but the sound of their footsteps on concrete roads, their breathing and the moaning of the zombies that follow them at a distance. Others seem to appear from the sides, emerging from the forest and threatening to cut their way.

“Go faster!” Levi pushes Eren when he starts slowing down.

He pulls Eren by the arm and starts running faster. The contaminated keep popping up near them from everywhere. Levi doesn’t understand what’s leading them their way but doesn’t have time to think about it when something jumps up from behind a car in front of them. Cutting their way. It only takes a second for Levi to realize that Contaminated don’t jump and what’s in front of him is a hunter.

Before they could even move, the Hunter screams and lunges forward attacking Eren. Levi cuts off a zombie’s hand that had curled around his shirt. They’ve caught up with them. Eren grunts beside him fighting off the hunter. Levi stabs through the head of another one that’s too close. The blood drips from his hands and splashes on his clothes and face.

He hears Eren scream and he turns around to find the Hunter on top of him.

“Eren!”

Levi starts to panic as he reaches for his gun to shoot him but Eren is faster. The loud gunshot echoes around them and Levi feels a sigh of relief when Eren pushes the Hunter to the side off of him. He runs towards him and helps him up.

“Are you okay?” Levi glances at him. He’s covered in blood and filth but he’s alive.

“Yeah.” Eren says grimacing in pain and clutching his neck. Levi can hear the wavering of his voice through his panting. He couldn’t waste any more time as they approach.

“Forget about them!” Levi says taking his hand. “Run!” 

They start running through the forest. Thunder rumbles in the distance and Levi hates how unlucky they are. Everything is inconvenient he wonders if this will actually be worth it eventually. Will they actually make it?

Eren lets go of him eventually and Levi doesn’t say anything as he knows he’s still following. He runs as fast as he could, time was ticking down and they were being chased. They Jump over the bushes and the branches. Trying to keep as much distance as possible between them and the contaminated on their heels.

It starts raining again when Levi sees something in the distance.

“ _There is a house! A farm!”_ He sighs in relief, as they get closer to the fence.

He’s a little way ahead of Eren who seems particularly slower, and he's sprinting across a small grassy clearing, heading straight towards a high, chain-link fence.

The fence stretches out of sight, going off to either side of him, and on the other side is a house and red barn. The ground gets slippery and muddy from the rain and Levi almost loses his balance multiple times.

His hearts beats incredibly fast as he approaches it, Eren and the contaminated on his heels. He doesn’t waste any second as he starts climbing.  He could feel the barbed wire slicing into his hands, when he reaches the top of the fence, but he makes it over and jumps down to the ground.

Eren, however, doesn’t follow him. He’s really quiet and Levi looked over and saw why, he’s pale and close to passing out. Holding onto the wire fence with one hand and his gun with the other one.

“Eren what the fuck are you doing?” Levi rushes towards him.

“I… I can’t go on…” He says, breathless.

“What do you mean you can’t? Stop your shit and jump right now!”

“I’m sorry…” Eren glances between him and the contaminated then back at him, weakly. Levi’s heart leaps painfully hard. “It’s all my fault, they kept tracking my scent. I’m sick and I can’t run any longer… I can’t jump.” He shakily loads his gun.

Levi looks around for the door gate. If Eren can’t jump he just needs to run to the other side and get in that’s it.

“I think…” He leans his head on the fence, closing his eyes tightly. “I don’t feel… I’m—” He doesn’t get to finish as he slowly falls to the ground. Unconscious.

Levi’s eyes widen at the scene in front of him. Eren is unconscious and the contaminated keep approaching.

His brain races in the most unhelpful way. After everything he’s gone through the reality is still alien. Something bad always happens. Someone either dies or gets hurt. He should know what to do. He should climb the fence and get to Eren’s side. It’s simple. But he can’t move. Why can’t he move? He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t even have to think about his surroundings, Just go from point A to B on autopilot.

The dread is an invisible demon, sitting heavy on his shoulders, weighing him down and freezing him in his spot. How could he not see that Eren wasn’t okay? 

It felt like he was choking. No matter how much he breathed in and out, air wouldn't enter his lungs. His heart races at tremendous speed as he stands there staring at Eren’s lifeless body for what felt like an eternity but was actually only a few seconds. A few seconds that would have cost him everything.

“Eren?” He calls for him, waiting for a reply that he doesn’t get. His voice gets carried by the wind lost with the rumbling of thunder and the rain pouring down on them. Saying his name seems to pull him out of his trance. “ _Eren!”_

Suddenly Adrenaline courses through him as he can finally move. His limbs are shaky and his hands bleed as he jumps over the fence for the second time.

“Come on, Eren, wake up. Please.” He kneels beside him. Trembling fingers touched his throat, feeling for a pulse.

 _He’s alive everything is fine_. He tries to tell himself. But then his eyes catch the blood from the side of his neck. Blood gushing out of a wound. Deep scratch marks.

“Wake up! Come on. _Eren, stop playing games_.” Levi is terrified by the lack of response. He starts dragging him back when the contaminated get too close, and Christ, he's heavy.

Rain clouds his eyes and the mud doesn’t make it easier but he can't let him go. He won’t let him go. Never. He pulls him up more groaning in the process at his dead weight. He begins half dragging, half pushing him. Eren’s legs buckle but Levi’s hand on his waist and Eren’s arms propelled over his shoulder keeps him standing.

The door is obviously locked, chained. Levi shoot it with his gun and kicks it open. The house is so close if he could just get in there they’d be safe.

He props him against the wall when they reach the house door. The lock was tough and rusty and Levi had trouble forcing it. When he finally succeeds, he rushes inside, dragging Eren with him. He lays him on the couch and runs towards the window to see if their pursuers were in sight.

Eren murmurs something behind him.

“What?” Levi doesn’t look back as he checks the surrounding through the windows. They’re almost close to the fence door there’s nothing he can do about it now. It won’t be locked.

Eren whimpers loudly.

“…Behind… you…”

Levi looks over his shoulder just in time to see a contaminated ignoring him and running over towards Eren.

Levi is on him in seconds stabbing through his eye with his dagger and kicking him back. He falls back and Levi bashes his head on the coffee table breaking the glass. He keeps stabbing repeatedly. He could feel the rage growing with each hit.

“ _Why won't you fucking die?”_

Blood is spurting out all over the place. The contaminated lays unmoving, lifeless on the floor but Levi doesn’t stop.

“ _Why do you keep coming back_?” He’s tired, so tired, Eren is sick, it keeps raining and Erwin left them to die. Nile is already gone and he doesn’t know what to do anymore. He goes even faster, stabbing even harder, screaming like a madman.

“ _Levi…”_

Eren shuffles behind him weakly outstretching his hand but not quite reaching Levi. As he tries once more he rolls over the couch and drops to the floor.

“ _Levi._ ” He crawls towards him pulling him back. “ _Stop._ ”

“They won’t die!” Levi insists, panting, as he reaches forward to stab again. “They won’t—”

“Please.” Eren begs holding onto his backpack weakly. “Please… it’s over now.”

Levi stops, watching his work on the dead creature. He’s panting heavily as he drops his dagger to the floor. He looks at his hands and his clothes all covered with blood and black ooze. He wipes his hands on his jeans and takes deep breaths to calm himself down. His hands tremble and he curls them over his knees.

“It’s okay.” Eren says and Levi finally turns to him. He’s barely sitting up, face flushed and eyes bleary. Levi’s eyes fill with tears and his throat tightens but he swallows through it. This is not the time. Eren needs him.

“I’m sorry.” He tells him as he scoots closer. Eren’s head lolls against his shoulder and Levi wraps his arms around him the best way he can with his backpack on.

“There’s nothing to apologize for… I should’ve said… I wasn’t feeling well.”

Levi pulls away to look at him.  He looks fragile and weak, blood smeared against his clothes and neck.

“Let’s get you cleaned up okay?” Eren blinks up at him slowly then hums dropping his head back on him.

“Let me get this off you first.” He removes hic backpack, katana and sets them aside. Gently he rises and lifts Eren grabbing him by the hand and helping him lay on the bed in the room next door.

Now that Levi gets to look around him properly, he realizes that the house is neat and clean. Nothing is out of place but the contaminated and the table he just broke. It doesn’t seem like an abandoned house. He wonders if this contaminated was the owner.

He glances back at Eren to find him already asleep. Lips parted and breathe even. He reaches for his forehead, It’s scorching hot. Levi gently pushes his matted wet hair from his face. His eyes drop to Eren’s neck. The scratch marks with dried blood on the edges. He wonders if it hurts, it seems deep.

“I think he was a Survivor,” Levi says after searching the house. Eren is probably not listening as he seems to be sleeping but that doesn’t stop Levi from talking. “He must not have died recently.” He dries of Eren’s chest and back after removing his shirt. “He wrote down the years and days on a calendar he made. He stopped a month ago. He was not contaminated during the outbreak. He was just like us.”

They all fall one by one. It was perhaps their fate. Previously, one would die of sickness, of old age, by someone else or by accident. Henceforth, life expectancy was drastically reduced because they could not live freely without risking being devoured. It was the destiny of the majority of humanity.

It had been Nile's. That would probably be Levi's.

The good news was that the man has provisions. Real provisions not just honey and sugar that Levi and Eren could find. He has water and electricity as well. Levi feels bad for him.

He wets the towel and gently dabs Eren’s scratch marks. This was definitely the Hunter’s hands. Eren whimpers and his eyes flutter open.

“Sorry about that.” He says softly.

Eren blinks at the ceiling then closes his eyes again. Levi sighs; the lump in his throat grows with every second he stares at Eren. He's groaning in pain, passed out. The fever is the only symptom he seems to have. He puts a cold washcloth over his head hoping it would help a bit. He wraps a clean cloth around his neck.

Levi goes on an exploration of the house. The living room is huge. A library extended over the entire surface of the wall. Old comfortable sofas surrounded a projector, old television of the time of the epidemic. A large chimney with chopped wood placed right beside it.

There was also an office, which Kenny would have liked. A large oak desk, a large window with stunning views of the field behind and the forest.

The kitchen is also very big. Kuchel would have loved to cook here. There are plenty of utensils. The fridge is still functioning, so Levi supposes that the Survivor used an independent source of electricity.

He looks through cupboards and is lucky to find herbs that Hanji uses in this type of situations. The kitchen is full of vegetables that Levi uses to make a soup with. This man had a chance. Levi wonders what went wrong.

He spends a few minutes struggling to lights the chimney in which he would cook on.

He brings up the food to Eren. The room in which he stayed in is meticulously organized and left untouched. Levi wonders if the survivor had a family, relatives who lived here before. He notices a leather journal on the bedside as he puts the plate down.

Eren is still asleep; his bare shoulder is left uncovered by the sheet. Levi shakes his arm gently.

 

“Eren, I need you to wake up.” He takes the washcloth off his forehead.

Eren groans then cracks his eyes open.

“Levi?” He croaks out.

“Yes, I’m here. Can you sit up for me? I need you to eat and drink something that I think will be good for your fever.”

Slowly, Eren props himself on his elbow. Levi slips a hand behind his back and helps him lift into a sitting position. Eren’s skin is covered in goosebumps. He hold his head and winces in pain.

“I think you're just getting cold and your immune system is weakened. Just do me the pleasure of drinking this okay?”

Eren blinks sleepily, his tousled hair falls on his shoulder, his cheeks are still flushed from the fever. Levi sits on the edge of the bed and combs Eren's hair away from his face.

“Cold.” Eren mumbles closing his eyes at the contact. 

“I know. Sorry, I’ll look for clothes for you.” He picks up the hot mug and hands it to him. “Here, drink slowly it’s hot.” 

“Thank you.”

“Can you eat? Do you want me to feed you?”

“No, it’s okay.” He says between sips. “Thank you.”

Levi nods and hands him the plate silently.

“Did you eat?”

“Of course,” Levi lies. “I wasn’t gonna wait for you. Don’t worry about me.” He brushes him off. 

Eren pouts, obviously not fooled. He hands him the pealed apple Levi had set for him.

“Eat.”

“You need it more.”

“We'll talk again when you’re the one who passes out.”

Eren insists until Levi takes it from him. 

“What happened to your hand?”

Levi looks down at his palms, covered with multiple scratches from the fence. He forgot about it. But now looking at them it’s like his mind registers the stinging pain.

“Work accident.” He smirks at him to lighten the mood. “Don’t worry.” He adds after seeing him frown. “It doesn’t hurt.”

Eren doesn’t look pleased but doesn’t say anything else. He eats a few mouthfuls of soup before putting the plate on the bedside table despite Levi’s begging for him to eat a few more.

He lays back down, closing his eyes, drawing Levi's attention to the pendant he was still wearing around his neck. He thoughtlessly reaches to hold it between his fingers. Eren blinks his eyes open peering at him curiously.

“Is this yours?” Levi asks softly.

“The wings are Isabel’s and the roses are mine. They’re dog tags” Eren replies watching him. “The Guard is divided into several sections. She was one of those who watched over the wall and watched the outside. The scout regiment. Their emblem is wings. She gave it to me the last time I saw her.” He sighs looking away. “Mine is the Garrison regiment.” 

“You were in the Guard?” Levi can’t help the surprise from his voice. He suspected he had training but he didn’t think he was part of the system considering his hate for the government.

“Yeah… for a while.”

Levi didn’t want to insist noticing his discomfort.  

“Alright.” Levi says standing up. He picks up the plate. “Get some sleep. It’s still raining anyway we can’t go anywhere.”

Eren nods and leans back under the covers.

“Levi?”

He looks over, standing by the door.

“I'm sorry we're wasting time because of me.”

Levi shakes his head immediately.

“It's not your fault. I’d rather that we take our time than continue while you’re too sick to stand up.”

He’s about to leave when Eren calls for him again.

“Do you want to... stay? The first thought that crosses my mind when I wake up and see that you're not there is that something happened to you. That’s not very… pleasant.”

Levi glances at him for a moment. Eren was not the type to ask favors.  

“I'll be right back.”

Eren waits until Levi comes back to sleep. Levi picks up the journal and curls up next to him. 

_May 26, 2034: Dad left outside. It’s taking longer than usual. Pieck is afraid something has happened to him. I continue to pray every night for him to come back safe._

_May 27: He returned. He was stuck after coming across a horde of zombies. The undead are growing in the area. Soon, we will not be able to leave the house. Dad is thinking of building fences around the property to prevent them from getting in._

_May 28: The baby has moved today. Dad was ecstatic. For the first time in months, everyone seemed happy. Even Falco, who's been a ghost since we lost Udo. This baby will bring joy to the house. I'm going to have a little sister or a little brother soon._

Levi’s snapped by his thoughts when Eren starts mumbling in his sleep. When he sees him like this, it's hard to believe he's the same person who ventured outside for months with nothing to protect himself with— someone who’s trained in the military. Now he's weak. Vulnerable. It feels weird—almost like an intrusion.

Levi leans closer taking the cloth and dipping it in water. His mumblings get louder and Levi wonders of he’s talking to him then he realizes Eren is still asleep. The fever must be giving him nightmares. He wrings the cloth and puts it back over his forehead. Gently, he runs his hand through Eren’s hair, which seems to calm him down.

 It’s getting darker outside, Levi sighs glancing at Eren one last time before picking up the diary.

_October 12: Zofia doesn’t stop crying. Colt is afraid she will attract zombies. He says babies are dangerous and that we should stop making them. He doesn’t say it to Papa or Pieck, but he doesn’t hesitate to tell Falco and I._

_October 13: I thought about what Colt said. What are we supposed to do? We prevent ourselves from having intimate relationships? We prevent ourselves from falling in love? It's stupid. When I see Papa and Pieck, I tell myself that love is one of the few things that keeps you going in this life. It's one of the few things that made us want to live._

_Dad told me that before, they could travel. They went to school, they studied to have a good job, to have the opportunity to do what they wanted, to be the person they wanted to be. They were working to buy pretty things, they were getting married, they had children. Before, they had the opportunity to do what they wanted with their lives. But what about today? Today, the only goal we have is to survive. We don’t go to school, we don’t travel. We are stuck here. We are waiting for death on this farm, hoping it will not happen too soon. We survive. We don’t live anymore. So maybe the only things that really help us live are people. Our family, if we still have, our friends, our lovers. Maybe that's our way of living now. Surviving can’t be a goal in itself._

Levi snaps the diary shut. He stands up and walks towards the living room to check through the window.

His heart’s beating fast without him really knowing why. Without him wanting to understand why.

Levi peeks through the curtains. The contaminated wander around the house, aimlessly. It’s still raining outside.

On the first floor there are several rooms and a bathroom. The master bedroom and four other rooms. Everything was in it’s place. Levi shuts the closet after fishing out a sweatshirt for Eren to wear later. For now having less clothes allows his body to cool down a bit.

When he comes back, Eren is awake. His eyes are unfocused when he glances at Levi.

“Where did you go?” He rasps out.

“I was just looking around.” He puts the shirt over the bed and sits next to him. “I'm learning a little more about the people who lived here before. I think this survivor had a family, or a group, and he was the last Survivor. That or the others ran away when this one was bitten.”

“I prefer the last option.”

“Me too,” Levi whispers with a heavy heart. “After reading this diary, I feel like this house still belongs to them. I almost feel guilty for using their stuff.”

Eren’s words come out weaker and Levi has to strain his ears to understand him.

“I’m sorry we’re here because of me.” He whispers.

Levi touches his cheeks. He’s still warm. He helps him drink more water then wets the cloth on his head.

“Don’t worry about that just sleep for now.”

Eren seems to struggle for a bit, mumbling but his fever takes the better of him and he falls asleep.

A terrible thought wedges its way into his mind. What if he doesn’t wake up? What then?

He shakes his head and lays beside him munching through an apple. He spends the night watching Eren and the house for any threat.

**

Despite not getting any more than a few hours of sleeps he feels energetic in the morning. Eren’s fever has subsided. He doubts if the cloth was of any help. He watches his sleep peacefully for a second than leaves the room.

Everything is calm. Outside, zombies are still wandering near the fields. The rain has stopped but the weather is still cold.

Levi had forgotten how surviving outside could be frustrating and tiring psychologically. You have to be patient. Wait for the right time. Levi wonders around the house aimlessly having nothing to do. There’s a door in the corner of the kitchen that was locked. Yesterday he didn’t get the chance to get through it. He peers at it curiously then forces it open.

The door leads to another outbuilding, a sort of shed that was built right in the house. Levi’s surprised by the natural light that came from an opening he couldn’t see from where he stands, as well as by the noise that reigns there. His ears catch the sound of old machine and running water. He takes out cardboard boxes, furniture and other objects scattered in front of him, which concealed his view.

The shed isn’t closed. A whole part of the wall opposite Levi was missing and leads directly on a stream. Levi slides out on the slippery streamside with caution and is stunned by the scenery that awaits him.

A dam impedes the flow of the river. An electric dam from what Levi can see. So that's how the refrigerator works and why they have light inside.

On the other side of the river, fields stretch to the forest. The trees thick and old. The forest is coming alive with the layers of sounds echoing in the cold morning air. It’s peaceful. The air is rich with the fragrance of leaves and damp. Even after the rains have passed, the soil remains wet and slippery.

For a moment, Levi could almost believe that the apocalypse had not occurred. The sound of running water in the river has a relaxing, hypnotic quality. He sits on the streamside watching the river flows for a few minutes. The high railings on the sides of the shed, which go down to the water, would protect him from zombies even though they’re venturing on the sides.

He jumps when he hears Eren's voice calling his name from inside the house. He sounds panicked.

Levi gets up carefully and goes back to the interior of the shed and the kitchen by closing the door behind him.

“I'm here!”

The footsteps that come from the first floor stop before resuming quickly.

“Where are you?”

“Kitchen!”

Eren appears on the doorway wearing the black sweatshirt. He looks pale and furious.

“Where were you? I searched the whole house; I called you for half an hour! I thought something happened to you or that you left…”

“I won’t leave without you.” Levi assures him in a perfectly calm voice.

“I know… well, I should know. But I just ... Don’t pull that kind of shit here. I almost had a heart attack waking up and not finding you anywhere.”

“It's cute that you worry about me,” Levi smirks, amused, leaning on the kitchen counter.

Eren scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Whatever. I was just worried because I don’t know how to get back home without you.” He crosses his arms over his chest.

Paradoxically, his words warm Levi's heart for several reasons. On the one hand, his expression shows that he’s not serious. On the other hand...

“Why are you smiling?”

“You said home.”

Eren looks down scratching his neck, embarrassed. Levi wants to kiss him.

“Well, it's a kinda my home too now so...”

“Totally.”

Eren glances up at him, perplexed.

“Totally?”

“It's totally your home now.”

Eren lets out an embarrassed laugh.

“One more thing you wouldn’t have said months ago.”

“There are many things that we wouldn’t have said or done months ago.”

Eren's eyes meet his. And it suddenly feels like the temperature goes up a notch as flashes of their kiss and their nights spent against each other rushes back to Levi's mind.

He clears his throat straightening up.

“They laid an electric dam on the river, that's how they got electricity.” He says changing the subject. “That's where I was.”

“Show me.”

“I won’t show you anything. You’re still sick go back to bed.”

Eren opens his mouth to argue but Levi cuts him off.

“Shhh. I’m not hearing whatever you have to say.” He walks towards him, turning him around. He gently pushes him towards the room. “Don’t insist. Go sit in the living room if you’re still cold.”

“It's not open for discussion.”

Eren pouts. “We're in a democracy,”

“That doesn’t even make sense, there’s only two of us. Which means I‘m the dictator.”

“We're wasting time. They’re waiting for us at home.”

 Levi sighs, rolling his eyes. He sits on the couch and Levi does the same.

“If you ever get chased by zombies while you're in this state, you might not make it. They can smell you, there’s gonna be a lot of them.”

“And if we get stuck by them because we waited too long here? What If we come across lots of zombies when they might not have been there if we left earlier?”

Levi gently pats his knee. “If we ever leave now.” and you’re not in a position to fight or run, I will have to stop to kill zombies to allow you to escape. Which means risking my life for you and we might even fail. Is that what you want?”

 Did Eren want Levi to put his life in danger to save him? Obviously not, considering the face he pulls.

“Don’t do that no matter the circumstances.”

Levi smiles triumphant.

“Glad to see you give a minimum of importance to my life.”

“Idiot.”

Levi goes back to the kitchen, sharpening knives with the sharpening stone he had found in a drawer, when Eren's voice snaps him out of his thoughts.

“What do you think Erwin told them?”

Levi's hands slow down. Eren makes his appearance at the doorway.

“That we’re dead,” Levi spits, irritated. “Otherwise, they would have come back to get us. It wouldn’t take them so long to drive to the warehouse where we were attack. We would have came across them on our way the first or the second day. If Erwin didn’t say it on his return that he had left us there, then he will never say it. For them, we’re dead.”

He feels his chest tighten into a knot as a quiet rage builds inside.

Levi speaks with a coldness Eren hasn’t heard before. “I'll kill that son of a bitch,” he says. “I mean it.”

He won’t just kill him, he will put him in a pit and add the shovels of dirt slowly until his god damn mouth is full of it. he doesn’t care if he’s sorry anymore, he doesn't want to hear it. It would have been kinder if Erwin killed him. Now he’s this person filled with a bitterness he can't control. And it’s all his fault.

Eren looks down at his feet. “Krista already thought I was dead once. She joined Liberty and got banned. I just hope... it'll be fine this time.”

Eren and Krista are so close. Levi had noticed it in the last few months. They had grown up together, had known each other since they were very young. It’s obvious the silent communications that they sometimes exchange, the habit they have to share their food even though they have the same thing on their plate, the way they could decipher the emotions of each other through one look. They have their own way of showing their affection. They’re like siblings, despite the absence of blood ties. Which explains why she came all this way to see check if Eren was still alive.

“She's very fond of you. We all act unreasonably when something happens to people we love.”

Eren smiles sadly. He had to think about Isabel. He hasn’t told Levi what he had done to get banned after her death. Nor to anyone else. 

All he could gather from what Krista and Eren had shared is that he tried to save his sister. Perhaps he rebelled against the authorities' decision not to help him, perhaps for trying to cure her himself, perhaps for trying to force the authorities to treat her. One way or another. Eren is over trained since he was a kid. Maybe not against zombies, but against humans. Better not to have him as an enemy.

Levi never asked the question. Even if Eren had committed a terrible act, he could understand it. It probably says a lot about Levi himself. To save those he love, he would do anything.

“This is the first time this happens to us. The first time one of us leaves his family behind. I've heard stories about the cruelty of some survivors, but I've never experienced it before. Out there, we are trained to fight against contaminated. I have always had faith in humans, in our ability to support each other against them. I was naive. I thought that collective survival was more important than individual survival. I was wrong.”

“It depends for whom.”

“You’re trained to fight humans, Eren. That in itself is proof.

“I’m trained to fight against poor people who would refuse the rules imposed on them. Those who dictate the rules are the culprits. Some humans only care about their own comfort. They don’t give a shit about the fate of others. But since I joined you, I realized that it was not a generality.”

“I knew Erwin for years. I never thought he could... do that.”

He lets out a breathy laugh.

“I always tell Mikasa that she’s not objective when she’s with Hanji outside. Erwin might have been a little too much. He saved himself instead of saving his friends. That piece of shit. I’ll never forgive him.”

The knife rips on the stone, barely missing Levi’s finger. He puts it on the table before placing his hands flat on the wooden surface, realizing he’s shaking.

“Apparently, in addition to being suspicious of zombies every time we’re outside, we must also be wary of people who can stab you in the back. Kenny tried to prepare me for it, but I was too naive.

“Trusting others is not too naive. Some have the opposite flaw.” Eren admits.

Levi thought back to that moment in the apartment. When he asked him if he trusted him, Eren said yes.

“I wasn’t lying,” Eren seems to guess what he’s thinking. “When I was banned, after what happened to Isabel, I learned that I shouldn’t have trusted many people. When I arrived at the base, it was difficult for me to trust new people.”

“I guess I didn’t make it easy for you in the first few weeks.”

“Trusting you wasn’t so difficult. You risked your life to save me as soon as we met. It's liking you that has been more complicated, with your stupid face.”

Levi smirks.

“What a mature answer. It’s not a good idea to make me angry while I have weapons in my hands, Eren Jaeger.”

“I don’t think anyone wants to make you angry.”

He holds his hands up, smiling at him. Levi turns his back on him and picks up the knife taking out vegetables to chop.

“It has absolutely nothing to do with this.” Eren starts and Levi glances at him. “But... I'm sorry for what I said when... in the hall, after we danced together. If we ever... not make it, I wanted you to know that.”

Levi freezes when he realizes what Eren’s referring. He’s talking about their first kiss.

“I said something that I ... didn’t mean. Not at all. That doesn’t excuse what I said but I... I just wanted to tell you that. I was so ashamed of what I did that I didn’t dare going near you for days.”

Levi looks away, not knowing how to react. He didn’t expect to hear this at all.

“There was a time when you wouldn’t even have trouble saying that. it's beyond all the expectations that the Levi and Eren of months ago would be having this exchange right now...” He turns away and starts cutting peppers. “And I know you didn’t mean it. At least that’s what I hoped. It was just... difficult to swallow.”

“I panicked. It was an old reflex and I... Old instincts are hard to beat.”

Levi finally looks up to meet Eren's eyes, whose cheeks are dusted with a pink-ish shade.

“You’re scared,” he whispers. “You still are.”

Eren wraps his arms around himself, fingers clenching on his forearms. It’s visibly violent to pronounce the next words.

“Whatever this is” He motions between them. “Is new to me. I'm working on it. I promise” he whispers.

Levi’s heart beats so fast at those words his fingers tremble around the knife.

Eren clears his throat, embarrassed, before leaving the kitchen.

Levi wants to kiss him.

A stupid little voice in his head tells him that, perhaps, maybe one day he could kiss Eren without him panicking.

Levi joins him later with a pan. Eren’s sitting in front of the fireplace, his eyes lost in the flames. The reflection of the fire dancing across his face.

Eggs crack, butter pops in a hot pan then the smell blooming around him has his mouth watering. Levi didn’t realize he was this hungry.

An omelet arrives in a plate in front of Eren, steaming. Levi hands him a fork and turns to make another one. Eren digs in and moans around the first bite. Levi chuckles as he settles another plate and joins him.

"I take it that you're amazed by my spectacular cooking skills."

Eren snorts in a non-flattering manner.

“It’s literally eggs.” He speaks through his stuffed mouth. “Don’t flatter yourself; I'm just hungry that's all.”

Levi smiles relieved that he’s eating. He cuts another apple for him as he waits for the herbal tea to boil.

**

Levi brings the diary to the living room. Eren went back to sleep on the couch. They have nothing to do but wait.

_December 25th: The first Christmas of Zofia’s. Pieck sewed her a little dress with scraps of fabric, for when she would be a little bigger. I made a portrait of Dad, Pieck, Falco, her and me. The family reunited._

_December 26: Dad told me that before Christmas, children were showered with gifts. Today, Christmas no longer has the same meaning. Our best gift is to be still alive to celebrate together._

_February 21: It's still raining. It's been raining for days. Falco went out on the river yesterday, saying that he couldn’t stand being locked up anymore. He has a cold now. He has a fever. I Pray that he gets better._

_February 23: The fever doesn’t drop. He's shivering, he's coughing out his lungs. Please, Lord, don’t take him away too. I cannot lose another brother._

_February 27: Falco's fever fell. He is weak but alive._

Levi glances back at Eren worrying his lips between his teeth. What if Eren got as sick as this boy what would he have done then? Would Eren even make it?

_May 25: It's sunny today. I went out a little under the supervision of Dad. I even tanned. It had been a long time since I had felt the sun on my skin for more than a few minutes._

_June 29: Zofia took her first steps today. Dad was crying._

Levi got attached to this girl. He had been living inside her head since yesterday and ... he felt like he understood her.

_July 7: Colt was bitten. We had to amputate his arm. There was blood everywhere. Dad says his condition is critical. He has done this before and the guy died._

_July 9: Colt is hanging on. Papa dreads the infection but the wound looks clean. I Pray again, always._

_July 22: Colt is recovering slowly. He says that at least he is still alive. Falco looks at him like he's a hero. The ultimate Survivor, while all he did was go out recklessly without warning pretending to look for food. We have enough to eat. Our two pigs are doing well, the kitchen garden too. He didn’t have to go out. He paid for it._

Levi and Mikasa also go out even when they don’t have to. Would they also pay for it one day?

Levi jumps when he hears noise from outside. The wind slammed branches of the tree in front of the house against the window. The sun is starting to set outside.

_August 5: I got used to the idea that our life is not the one that generations before us had. But it always makes me sick to finish a romance novel where the only problem is to know if the characters will finally realize that they are in love with each other. It always hurts to read travel stories or even read thrillers, because it shows us how different life was. I want to go outside too. I too want to go to America and meet a Californian surfer. I, too, want to live._

Levi's heart sinks as he reads the next words.

_August 11: Dad is dead._

He sits up at once.

“ _No, no, no._ ” He mumbles hysterically as he turns the page.

The page was rough, curled on the edges. Levi can see the tears shed on the paper.

_He had gone to feed the pigs when several zombies attacked him. He didn’t have time to get home even though Colt and Falco ran to help him. He was bitten several times. He was screaming so loud. Colt had to shoot him because there was nothing left to do, he was messed up, he was ... My god. It's a nightmare. Please, please, please. I can still hear him scream, I can’t sleep at night, I only cry, night and day. Pieck is in the same state. Falco is as dead inside. Papa was buried under the large oak tree near the shed in front of the house. I can’t stop crying. I want to scream but I can’t even do that. My father is dead. I can’t believe it. How am I going to live without him?_

_August 20: I miss him so much. I can’t do it, I can’t do this anymore._

_August 25: I want to die._

_November 16: Colt decided to leave. Pieck decided to go with him and take Zofia away. They are crazy. The loss of Dad made them go crazy. They say we're not safe here now, but they don’t understand that we’re not safe anywhere and they’re just going to get killed. They will be killed and they will kill my little sister. I try to convince them but they don’t listen to me._

_November 18: Pieck, Colt and Zofia left during the night. They didn’t even say goodbye. They must have known that Falco and I wouldn’t let them take our little sister away. Falco went looking for them, all alone. I am alone at home and I pray with all my might to have my brother bring Zofia back. I don’t care about Pieck or Colt now. They’re irresponsible. They will kill a child by **(with)** their bullshit._

_November 23: None of them came back. I think they’re all dead. I can’t live like this._

_November 26: I'm alone. I do not want to live alone. I have no reason to want to continue living._

_November 30: It's the big day. I can’t stand this life. I can’t bear it anymore and I no longer have any reason to stay alive. Forgive me, Lord. I hope that despite this, I will find Papa, Falco and Zofia up there._

Portraits took place on the last page. Levi recognizes one of them. Falco was the contaminated who jumped on Levi when they entered the house.

“No…” Levi whispers through the lump in his throat.

Heart pounding, trembling, Levi rises from the sofa and runs to the door. Without even checking if they’re nearby, he rushes to the large oak tree near one of the outbuildings. His eyes blur with unshed tears.

There are two crosses.

He sinks to his knees at the tiny graves of these two people he had never known. This father who had given his life for his family and of this girl whose name he would never know.

And he begins to cry. At first it’s soft, tears streaming down his face then it got progressively louder. He bursts into loud sobs, overwhelmed by a fit of grief and rage.

After days of keeping his feelings at bay, after days of keeping it all in, his tears flow at last as he cries over this girl he had never seen before and her brother who had finally returned to discover that she had killed herself in his absence, having lost hope.

He cries over Furlan, Nile, Cis, Nanaba the cruelty of life, the cowardice of Erwin, the slim probability that he could see the people he loved the most in the world, the stress of the last couple of days. He cries because he can't save all the people he loves.

His walls, the walls that holds him up, makes him strong just... collapse. Moment by moment, they fall. Salty drops fall from his chin raining down onto the parched soil. Perhaps these tears will help wash the blood out of his hands. All these people like Nick that he didn’t want to kill but left him no choice.

He’s sobbing on the ground, without even paying attention to his safety. He’s uncovered, outside, unarmed. He could care less. His fingers dig into the dirt. His hands open and closed, rhythmically clenching as if there could be some violent solution to his pain if only he could find it.

His pain and sorrow take over. He could no longer contain anything anymore. His whole body trembles with gasps. He can’t even breathe.  

Then, suddenly, Eren is there, patting and rubbing his back.

“I can't stop...” Levi chokes out between sobs. He sits up. “I can't… stop... Why can’t I stop crying?” He collapses into his chest hands clutching at his sweatshirt.

“It’s okay.” Eren says rocking him slowly. “Let it all out. You’re safe with me.”

He keeps crying against his shoulder, unable to stop. His howls of misery worsening.

The pain comes in waves, minutes of sobbing broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths. Eren doesn’t say anything. He just rocks him gently, stroking his back.

When Levi's tears subside, he sniffs pulling away.

“I soaked your sweatshirt.”

“I don’t care about that.” Eren brushes the hair out of his face. “I hate to see you cry knowing that I can’t do anything about It.” he whispers after a few seconds.

He wipes Levi's remaining tears on his cheeks with his thumbs.

“It doesn’t happen often, you're lucky,” Levi replies, attempting to smile.

“That's not what I call being lucky.”

“It just happens when I’m ... very tired.” Levi rests his forehead against Eren's shoulder. “The girl who wrote the diary ... She killed herself. Her father died, her mother-in-law left with her little sister. The zombie we found here when we arrived is her little brother. He went looking for his mother-in-law and their little sister when they left. The girl in the diary thought they were all dead, because they didn’t come back. But it’s not true. The brother came back. He is the one I killed when we arrived. He came back and he found out that his sister killed herself. He buried her with their father here.”

Levi’s chin wobbles as he cries again.

“I don’t understand,” He hides his face in Eren's neck. “What has humanity done to deserve this?”

Eren's arms wrap around him, strong and comforting, pulling him back together.

“Isabel said it was an unfair life, but it’s all we have. She said that this world is rotten and that it’s necessary to find the light that would make it more beautiful, bearable.”

 “Why does it always hurt so much? Nick attacked us, why do I feel so bad? Why can’t I forget his face? Why can’t I stop thinking about those people that died because of me? I wish I could stop myself from caring because I always end up the one hurt from everything. I wish I can turn my back and call it a day. But I can’t… I can’t and it hurts too much.”

Levi takes a long time to calm down. Eren holds him close, his cheek against his hair, his arms around his body. Levi ends up taking a trembling breath. He pulls away a little, just enough to see Eren's face. He wipes his tears with a gentle gesture.

“Thank you,” Levi whispers. “I honestly don’t know what I would have done without you these past few days. I would have gone crazy.”

"You're stronger than you think," Eren says in a whisper, his green eyes soft and gentle.

His hands are on Levi's hips, stroking, a gesture so intimate that Levi feels his insides warming up completely.

Levi gently kisses Eren's cheek before standing up.

“Let’s get inside.”

It’s then that it hit him that they’re outside. He gasps looking around. There are contaminated on the far end of the field and a couple of dead ones lying behind Eren.

“What—”

“I told you you’re safe with me. Don’t worry about it.” He holds his hand and drags him inside.

**

Levi feels fresh after crying a few hours ago. He feels less on the brink of explosion than he had been in the past few days.

For dinner, they eat dried meat and beans sprinkled with aromatic herbs. They eat warmed up by the chimney, listening to the rain pouring outside. Levi's lips have a salty taste and he wonders if Eren's taste the same.

“No one would be using this any longer. It’s a waste if we don’t eat it.” He says.

Later at night Levi finds Eren sitting on the streamside. There are no clouds in the night sky. The moonlight is a hazy glow around them, the stars shining like diamonds.

“You'll be sick again,” Levi says as he joins him. “Don’t you dare get a pneumonia this time.”

“Why did you come back for us?”

Levi freezes for a second. He meets Eren's eyes, which don’t show any emotion.

“Because there was no way I wouldn’t come back, Eren.”

“Nile was dying, I wasn’t important. You shouldn’t have risked your life for us.”

Levi frowns.

“Not important? How could you say that? I wouldn’t be here now without you.”

Eren doesn’t look convinced.

“You could have gone home with him. Everything would have been fine.”

Levi stares at him incredulous. _How can he say that?_ After everything they’ve been through.

“But I didn’t. I chose to come back for you.” He whispers.

Eren shakes his head, sighing. “I just don’t understand.” He pulls his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them.

“There’s nothing to understand. There’s no way I would leave you there.”

Eren doesn’t answer staring at the night sky. They sit in silence for a few moments before Levi speaks.

“You know your fascination with star is strange.”

Eren shrugs. When Levi looks down at the forest path, he can see fireflies glowing in the dark through the bushes. Golden and numerous, he wants to go and grab one but he knows it would be too dangerous.

“In the city, I rarely saw them, more like they were diminished. There was too much light, at least in my area. So when I went out, I associated them with freedom.”

“Considering that I was the one who took you outside in the base. I made you free somehow.” Levi chuckles.

Levi feels Eren’s eyes on him in the darkness. Eren finally lets out a small breathy laugh shaking his head before standing up.

“I'm cold. You told me not to get pneumonia, so I'm going back.”

When Levi returns to the house, a moment later, he hears the shower running.

“I’m going to sleep.” Eren tells him a few minutes later. Drying his hair with a towel.

“I’ll be right with you.” He takes advantage of the running water and hops into the shower before changing into clean clothes.

Levi packs their bags in case they had to leave the next day. He knew he shouldn’t overload, but he can’t help taking some of the things they could use, more seeds of plants, and mint for them to use.

When Levi joins their bed, Eren is already sleeping.

 _Their bed_. What a strange thought.

Levi slips under the blankets. He snuggles up against Eren like the other night. He pulls Eren closer with an arm around his waist. He nuzzles into his hair and kisses the back of his neck. A part of Levi whispers to him that it wasn’t a good sign that he feels so good like this. It’s a new feeling for him. He is touchy with other people but ... not this way. Not even with Erwin. Not with this feeling that twists his stomach and warms it all up.

“Hey,” Eren mumbles sleepily.

He entangles his legs with Eren’s, tracing his stomach with his fingertips under his sweater. It causes goosebumps to race over his skin. He didn’t think that Eren, still half asleep, would understand what he’s doing, until he speaks.

“Do it again I didn’t get the whole thing.”

Levi traces the letters “ _U R Important To Me”_ over his skin again, his heart pounding fast against his chest. What is he even doing? He doesn’t know anymore.

He could feel Eren’s pulse picking up when he rests his hand over his chest. Eren shifts to turn towards him, he pulls him tighter and hides his face in the crook of Levi’s neck. Levi gently strokes his hair until they fall asleep, holding onto each other.

They have eaten, so his stomach is finally full. He only needs to sleep well and he would be fit for their last trip tomorrow morning, hoping Eren feels much better.

 


	24. Home Sweet Home

“There’s someone here.” Levi’s hands tremble around his gun pointing towards the door. He heard them.

“Levi you’re—”

“I’m telling you I heard them.”

He doesn’t understand why Eren keeps denying it. Maybe he didn’t hear anything but Levi did.

“Fine.” Eren sighs. “Where did you hear voices?” He walks next to him.

“From outside.” Levi says, looking at the door.

Levi's forehead drenched in cold sweat, his brain full of images so vivid that he felt like the zombies were in front of him again. But they’re not. He’s panting and in complete panic, persuaded that they’re under attack.

“Levi… It’s not—”                                                 

“There is someone here.” Levi insists rushing towards the door.

He walks out of the room and looks around carefully, Eren on his heels.

“There's no one in here.” Eren concludes after checking the house.

“I swear I heard it,” Levi looks out from the kitchen windows. They’re still outside from what he can see through the moonlight. 

“I know.”

Levi suddenly feels overwhelmed. He’s tired from lack of sleep, from constantly having to be alert. He hears the click of the light switch and the house is plunged in darkness.

“Eren?” he calls out in a broken voice.

“I’m here,” Eren appears on his right. “I turned it off just so they won’t see us. You were having a nightmare earlier. There’s no one here.” He cups his face in his palms. “I need you to breathe for me okay?”

Levi’s trying to control himself, but the remnants of his nightmares still cloud his mind.

“I heard them.” He whispers. His breath is caught in his throat “It’s not just in my head right?”

“No one is here Levi. You’re safe.” He takes the gun from his trembling hands setting it on the counter. “it’s okay, just breathe.”

Levi slowly tries to match his rhythm, taking deep gulps of air.

“I need to check outside.” He pulls away from him. “I don’t feel good. What if they come from the door. I’ll just get rid of—”

“You can’t go out now!” Eren’s grip tightens around his wrist stopping him. “They’re everywhere and it’s dark. They can’t come in. Don’t ruin everything now.”

Levi sneers. “I'm ruining everything already can’t you see?”

Nevertheless, he stops struggling against him. He leans both hands on the kitchen counter before turning to sit on it. He hides his face in his hands. Eren stands away for a second before crossing the distance between them.  He carefully puts an arm around his shoulder.

“You’re not ruining everything,” He whispers gently, his thumb strokes the exposed skin at the back of Levi’s neck. “This world is just rotten and you’re doing the best you can.”

“It's not enough.” Levi’s hands drop to his lap, fingers knotting tightly.

“It's not because of you. You’re doing your best.” He repeats softly. “It’s just how it is.”

He’s so close that Levi can feel his breath on his face. If he looks up now he could probably kiss him.

“You should go back to sleep. I have no power to fight you now.”

“…Fight me?” Eren frowns, confused. “For what?”

“Against your fear,” Levi corrects after a beat of silence. “You're too close to me, I want to kiss you so fucking bad, which means that you'll panic soon and you’ll want to stop. And I don’t want to stop.” Levi confesses pathetically. Eren’s fingers around his neck freeze. Levi doesn’t dare to look up. He sighs. He shouldn’t say things like this. Normally he wouldn’t but the situation is different here. This is why he hates looking vulnerable in front of other. He just ends up saying whatever comes to his mind looking for comfort and affection that he mostly doesn’t receive. “I’ll be fine just— give me a minute and I’ll join you.”

Eren doesn’t pull away.

He runs his hands over Levi's knees, spreading his thighs and lodges himself in between them. Levi's heart picks up when Eren pulls his chin up to look into his eyes. Levi’s body automatically leans closer to his, as if he’s being pulled by some invisible force.

“Maybe tonight,” He starts; their faces are only a few inches apart. “I don’t want to be afraid.”

Levi feels something twist in his stomach, warming his insides. “Show me, then.” He whispers.

Eren gets even closer to him. His lips brush over Levi’s, who grips the edge of the counter harder to stop the trembling.

“I'll probably panic tomorrow morning,” Eren’s green eyes are full of emotion. There is a depth to them that Levi loves.

“I don’t care.”

Eren's fingertips slide to the nape of his neck, soft and gentle, while his other hand presses on the small of Levi’s back, pulling him further against him, taking Levi's breath away. They’re completely flushed against each other.

“You’ll probably catch whatever I had.”

“I don’t care.” Levi whispers, continuing to stare at him, neither of them fully trusting that the moment is real or that it’ll last. “As long as you want it. I don’t care about anything else.”

_As long as you want me._

With a hand on his neck, Eren tilts Levi's head back slightly. Levi's skin tingles where he touches it.

Levi has never appreciated as much the expectation of a kiss as this time. Because he knew that by the time Eren kisses him, he would have chosen him. He would not back down. Not tonight.

Eren cuts the remaining distance by sealing their lips.

“Just… One time…?” Eren asks against him, it’s shaky, voice weak and breaking.

There's so much intensity in his kisses that Levi’s heart goes crazy. It only takes a moment for Levi to answer, voice just as shaky: “Just for tonight.”

He slips both his hands down to the back of Levi’s thighs, making his legs lock automatically around his waist and his mouth crashes down on Eren’s. Levi tangles his hands in his hair, pulling him even closer.

He leans back, panting, eyes shut, as Eren licks beneath his jaw, his heart rate no longer a secret to his tongue. He smells of jasmine and Levi has never been glad for the existence of showers and fragrant soaps. The stubble on the side of Eren’s face pricked his skin. Eren’s big hands dive down to cup his ass, jerking him forward. Levi gasps in surprise and Eren goes back up claiming his lips while he moans into his mouth.

“Bed.” Eren mumbles against him. Levi locks his legs even tighter when Eren pulls him up, hardly caring if he’s too heavy. Eren carries him, his arms securing Levi’s back. They’re still kissing, down the hall with Eren running his shoulder into the wall twice making them both giggle in between.

Levi lands on the soft mattress a silver of moonlight filters through the curtains enough for him to see the heat in Eren’s eyes. Everything is sort of spinning out for a second, Levi can’t distinguish left from right, clothes are off, thrown somewhere on the floor. He’s barely got the chance to scoot back on the bed before he’s pinned between the mattress and Eren crawling over him.

Levi’s lips work fast, his hands working faster and so hurried that it’s hard to keep up. He’s getting everything he needs just by touching, Eren’s neck, his hair, the curve of his lower back.

“Does it hurt?” Levi asks pointing at the scratch mark on his neck as he pulls away.

“Not really.” Eren smiles, panting. “I’m too distracted to feel that.”

There is nothing hesitant in their gestures. No confusion, no fear, just sheer lust. They’re flushed against each other with desperate intensity. Levi's tongue brushes Eren's and he arches into him. Eren’s hands are everywhere. And it feels so good. It's like he’s floating and it's this weird but amazing high. And in that moment, he’s addicted. He can't contain himself and he just keeps kissing him over and over again.

_They’re really doing this._

There’s no time to feel worried, to overthink, it’s just hands, wherever they can get to. Just Eren’s mouth pressing hungrily to Levi’s throat, nipping at his neck. Just Eren gripping his wrists, pinning them above his head making him unable to move or reach for him.

Levi bucks his hips forward, rubbing against Eren’s hardness. He moans against his mouth and Levi does it again. He chases after the sound, grinds against him and arches his back from the teeth grazing over the crook of his neck. He bucks forward looking for more friction— _anything_ , just _more_ as his frustration starts building up.

Eren kisses him as if his life depends on it, as if it was the last kiss he would ever give.

And maybe it is. Their lives had been on the line for the past few days.

Maybe Levi is weak and he needs human warmth one last time. Maybe they wouldn’t have reacted this way if it had been anyone else with them. Maybe not. Maybe Levi doesn’t want to kiss anyone else at this moment.

Eren's mouth is burning against his own, possessive, claiming. He takes without asking; he demands unconditionally, he kisses him as if he’d perish if he doesn’t. And Levi gives him all of it. Eren’s touch burns him and Levi is only asking for more.

Is it easier for him in the darkness to kiss a man? Did he kiss Levi only because he was the only human being at hand or because he really wanted him? Is it really the thought that he might die? Had Eren stopped being afraid of what it meant to like Levi?

Levi pulls away, just to make sure. “Are you sure you want this?”

“If anything happens to us, I don’t want—”

He never finishes his sentence, biting his lips. What did he not want? To have regrets? To not have a last physical embrace? To not have crossed this step with Levi? So many different interpretations could be made of his words.

“Don’t think,” Eren whispers eventually between kisses. “Just for one night. Don’t think.”

_Just for one night._

Maybe Eren’s thoughts are on pause because he wants to sleep with someone one last time and Levi is unfortunately the only person available for that.

“Levi,” He says his name like a melody, the heat of his lips a fraction above Levi’s. He releases his wrists and Levi already misses the pressure and heat. “Am I doing something wrong? Do you want to stop?”

Levi shakes his head even before he realized it.

“Are you sure?” Eren hovers over him. “You’re tense.”

Is he? It’s laughable how Levi is the tense one when it’s Eren’s first time with him.

_One night._

Perhaps once the sexual tension between them is gone, Levi could quietly return to a life where his body doesn’t crave Eren Jaeger’s touch at any moment.

It’s Levi who initiates the kiss this time. He pulls on Eren’s necklace sealing their lips. He hisses a breath when Levi brushes the scar on his shoulder. Eren’s skin is warm on his fingertips, and he notices it trembles a little under his exploring palms. It turns him on a little more to know how he affects him.

Levi flips them over switching their position to end up being on top of him.

“Take it off,” he growls against him while pulling the last clothing separating him from Eren all at once, his mind already fully clouded with lust.

He’s naked. He is completely naked for Levi now; everything he ever tried to hide is laid out in front of him. His cock juts proudly, thick and ready. Levi’s gaze wanders down his torso, over his waist, and his muscular thighs.

He’s just so _fucking_ hot. Levi wants him so bad.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Eren grunts face flushed and panting. He looks away and all Levi wants to do is ravish him.

“Like what?”

“Like I’m beautiful.”

Levi’s not going to tell him that. No. He’s not going to tell Eren that he was the most handsome man he had ever met because that was not what this is about. It’s about two people, lost in the middle of the apocalypse, trying to stay alive.

And Levi is alive under Eren's touch.

He slowly moves his mouth down first to his neck, kissing and licking and then his chest. The contrast of his pale skin against Eren’s tanned chest is strangely so erotic.

He licks one nipple and lightly sucks on it. It hardens beneath his tongue. A growl of pleasure escapes his lips when Levi moves to the other one. Eren presses his hips against him, and Levi feels his erection wedged between them. He moves even lower tracing circles around his navel with his tongue. Eren shivers slightly under his touch, whimpering softly and Levi’s mouth curves into a self-satisfied smile.

He spreads his legs, licks a streak up his inner thigh, mouthing on the skin. Eren moans, as Levi sucks gently.

Through his eyelashes, Levi looks up at him, licking his lips. “Is this okay?” He asks, starting to stroke his already hardening cock.

“ _Shit— Yes—”_ He gasps out the words. Levi’s other hand rubs his thigh gently as he slowly takes him in his mouth.

He traces a vein up his length, circling the tip before taking it in his mouth, flicking his tongue over the salty pre-cum that has leaked. Eren’s hand threads into his hair, directing his head gently down. When his hips jerk up, it makes Levi gag and he has to pin his hips down.

He pulls away for a second taking a breath, licking at the trail of pre-cum on his lips. He feels the flair of satisfaction looking at him, eyes closed, chin up, mouth slightly parted. A Hot mess that Levi created.

His eyes flutter open at the loss of heat around him and he pushes him back down. Levi moves faster, bobbing his head up and down. Eren drops back to the pillow with another groan.

Levi moans around Eren’s thickness as his fingers wrap themselves around his own shaft. His eyes flutter shut as he starts stroking himself. Eren’s fingers tighten around his hair, pulling him deeper.

Then he pulls him away and up towards him again and Levi whimpers at the loss of contact. And maybe he liked Eren manhandling him. But nobody had to know that.

“If you don’t stop I’m gonna cum.” He warns breathless.

He rolls them over again and takes a second to take in Levi beneath him. His face and neck flushed a lovely pink, his skin hot and sweaty. His neck is littered with red marks from being kissed and bit at too roughly.

Levi feels more alive than ever under his heated gaze. When Eren kisses him, when Eren makes each of the movements Levi dictates to him in a broken voice, when Levi sucks on two of his fingers swirling his tongue around and guides them inside of him. He cries out when fingers curl upwards to brush against his prostate. Eren swallows his moans, kissing him again and again.

They are burning. Levi already knew the effect Eren had on him, whether he admits it or not. Eren licks at his neck, biting him roughly and leaving marks all over the skin, while still thrusting his fingers deep inside Levi, scissoring, stretching. It burns and stings but it’s a delicious type of pain. Pain that leads to pleasure. Pain that grounds him and reminds him of his existence.

Everything is electrified; everything is tinged with roughness and passion at a time. Eren's everywhere Levi guides him. He doesn’t think about why it’s so different with Eren from the others. He doesn’t think about why it’s not just good, but so intense, so powerful. Levi forgets all that’s outside this house, outside this room.

“ _Please—_ ” He felt like a dirty slut as he whispers with desperation in his voice. “ _Fuck me_.” He almost feels like sobbing.

Eren’s mouth hovers over his one more time when he says it, low and labored, “Ready?” And all Levi could do is nod. _So ready._

The moment the tip slips inside, Eren moans, head dropping over Levi’s bare shoulder, biting. Levi’s back curves off the mattress _– fuck –_ the stretch of Eren filling inside him making his mouth slack.

“ _Fuck—_ _You’re so tight_.” Eren chokes out.

His exhale comes out jagged, his hands gripping Levi’s hips as he eases himself out, and then slides back in— slowly— then faster. It would surely leave marks the next day. Levi's nails dig into the solid flesh of his back. Eren's hands press tightly on his thighs adjusting their position. Levi has to bite his lips to keep from crying out or moaning too loud.

“ _No… I wanna hear you…”_

It feels so good that Levi might melt into the mattress. And it hurts, _god_ _it hurts—_ but it’s worth it. He’s inside of him, filling him up and making him forget everything else. He lifts his hips, tilting so he can go even deeper and Levi cries out as he picks up the rhythm, driving into him faster.

Eren pulls out flipping Levi onto his hands and knees before plunging back into him. Each thrust pushes him deeper into the mattress while heat pools at his stomach. Each thrust wracks havoc in his senses. He’s inside of him and on him, biting, licking, kissing at his skin.

He tries to touch himself but Eren stops him, joking about how impatient he is and how he should _be good_. He doesn’t understand why Eren talking to him this way turns him on so much. He holds him down, restraining his wrists behind his back.

He starts feeling incredibly flustered from the pressure of being pinned against the mattress with nothing to hold onto. He thrusts his hips back to fuck himself.

“ _Eren._ ” He whines, voice trembling, trying to pull his hands away and Eren takes the hint, releasing him.

He grabs his hair instead, kissing down the back of his neck. He pulls him up higher, arching his neck backwards. It hurts, but Levi doesn't care. He wants more. He cries out as Eren thrusts deeper. Eren turns his face to the side meeting his lips in a sloppy kiss before letting him go.

Levi gasps hovering on his trembling elbows. He presses his head into the bed groaning on the pillow when he feels the wide stretch. He knows it’s going to hurt tomorrow. He squeezes eyes tight, hands curling over the sheets. The pleasure is beyond intense and it makes his toes curl. They’re just a blurry hot mess of continuous moans and _please— and more— and fuck—._

“ _You feel so good_.” Eren’s mouth brushes against his ear, biting. Levi’s spine shivers at his words. “ _so perfect for me.”_

_Just one time. Just for tonight._

Levi is totally consumed by Eren. Levi’s burning for Eren.

He could feel his orgasm building up. “ _I’m so close_. _Touch me_. _Make me cum_.” His voice comes out raspy and hoarse, gasping, begging.

There’s no way Eren can resist moving his hand and grasping his length in order to pump him up and down desperately. He’s so close lingering at the edge. His body starts to tense as his orgasm takes over. Eren is panting above him, hips snapping and popping off pleasure points.

“ _I’m gonna cum—_ ” Levi gasps feeling the pleasure swelling closer and closer. “ _I’m gonna—Ah!”_ Levi’s entire body shudders as he shoots all over himself and Eren’s hand. His eyes roll back, hit with wave after wave of heat and pleasure. Then he goes lax, panting. His grip loosens as he comes down from his high, moaning and whimpering at the overstimulation from Eren fucking him senseless.

Eren follows right after, hips stuttering to a stop so deep inside of him. He curses, hands fisted in the sheets next to Levi’s head, filling him up. Then he pulls out, collapsing to the side with a satisfied groan.

It’s only a few minutes after the high starts coming down that Eren leans to the side again sealing their lips again. His fingers stroke Levi’s back absentmindedly. And maybe Levi’s not the only one addicted to him. Maybe he’s not the only one burning.

They could deny it all they want but what they had just now is not a one-night thing.

**

Eren doesn’t panic the next morning but neither speaks of what had happened between them. Levi doesn’t really know if it was because there was nothing to say or because Eren wants to forget it.

It’s harder to admit the truth in the day light. It always is. Maybe he only did it because they were in danger that they would die at any moment and he wanted to feel alive one last time. It was surely what he was thinking and that’s why he’s not panicking. He’s probably trying to convince himself that it wasn’t Levi who he wanted, or a man, but simply a body.

_Just one night._

Levi would think that too, in his place, if he had been brought up with the same prejudices as Eren. Eren had made progress, but maybe not so much. He turns off the shower, wincing at the delicious ache pulsing inside him with every movement.

Zombies are still roaming around the farm by the time they have breakfast and get ready. But Levi’s tired of waiting. He wants to go home. Even if they wait longer, the contaminated won’t leave. Might as well do it now and get it over with. Eren seems fine as well.

“We can’t wait here forever,” He looks at the surroundings through the window, rubbing mint all over him. “We’ll have to make a diversion.”

“Don’t do anything unreasonable or stupid. I know it's not your thing to do otherwise but—”

Levi pulls out his daggers. Eren rolls his eyes.

“That to me is _exactly_ stupid and unreasonable.”

“Unreasonable, probably. When have I ever been reasonable anyway? I spend my life playing with fire.” Levi wiggles his eyebrows handing him the mint leaves. “And sometimes it's worth it,” he whispers softly glancing at him before opening the front door. 

He goes out on the first steps. There are five zombies towards the big barn on the right. Three who are in front of the house. A dozen further to the edge of the trees. Some others are wandering from one place to another.

“As soon as I draw them to me, you go south. Run through the forest, to the road. Don’t stop. If there are other zombies there, you continue in the forest parallel to the road, just keep going.”

“It's a stupid plan. We’re stronger together, we—”

“What a beautiful slogan " _Stronger together_ ".” Levi sneers. “I'll make sure to burn it on Erwin's forehead when we get home.”

Without giving Eren time to protest further, Levi runs down the steps.

“I'll find you, I swear! Now go!” 

A stab and the old woman coming towards him crumbles to the ground.  Levi begins to sing. He’s jumping, dancing, singing and laughing under the fine drops of rain that started to fall. For once, he’s allowed to make as much noise as he wants since he’s the diversion. 

Levi doesn’t wait for the zombies to move towards him. He rushes towards them, going into predatory mode rather than being stuck in the role of prey. The need to wipe them off the planet started itching from the moment one of those monsters bit Nile. He feels good like this. This is what he does. He needs to kill, put his emotions into his fists and fight. It’s all he knows after all. It’s all this what this world gave him. Blood, death and violence.

He would worry later about the thoughts that would come over him as his enemies collapse one by one, as blood spurts and adrenaline floods through him.

Levi knew that these contaminated aren’t those who killed Nile. But perhaps they bit the diary girl’s father. Maybe they killed her mother-in-law and her little sister. Maybe they would have killed Eren and him if they got the chance. One almost did.

They’re no longer human. Levi looks into their eyes and pushes his blade in them, in their ears or under their chins to their brains without any remorse.

A robot, as Lynne would say. Even worse than feeling nothing, he basks in it in moments like this.

Normally he would have frightened himself.

Today, he lets this darkness spread without even trying to contain it. 

Maybe that’s what’s meant to happen to all of them. Maybe no one survives this world without being corrupted in the process. 

Levi realizes too late that he would have more trouble defeating the dozen contaminated that are heading towards him.

Is he trying to defy death? After Nile, after this family? What is he even trying to prove and to whom?

One on the ground. A second. The third catches him by the arm as he stabs through another.

He feels a breath on his neck and a part of him freezes with fright, finally bringing him back to reality.

This is not a game. Nor a revenge. So close to the goal, he was carried away by his instincts of revenge and is going to be bitten.

Blood spattered his face as he hurriedly backs away.

The contaminated, a teenager, collapses on the ground. Levi barely has time to understand what he sees as Eren slices another one’s head with his sword, then plants his katana in another's ear. Levi reacts just in time to avoid the zombie coming behind him. 

In a few minutes, they exterminate the remaining zombies around them. They’re both standing in the middle of the bodies, panting, their bloody weapons in their hands.

“Didn’t I tell you not to—”

“Shut the fuck up,” Eren spits angrily. Turning towards him. “I'm not leaving you, Levi, do you understand? It is out of the question that I leave without you. You told me from the first day _we survive together_ , remember?”

Levi lifts his face to the sky as the drops of water hit his skin, hoping it would clean the blood. He remembers. He purses his lips inhaling sharply.

“I'm not a damsel in distress; you don’t need to protect me at the expanse of your life okay?” He sighs in annoyance jamming his katana back in its holder. “We’re going now, while the area is clear before they catch up.”

Maybe he’s a bit annoyed. Perhaps he wanted to test the limits. Would he have died? Probably. With the thought of Eren reaching home, it doesn’t seem so bad.

“What the fuck are you smiling at? Is this funny to you?”

Oh he’s smiling? Maybe he’s really gone crazy.

“I get It. Stop yelling.” He sighs putting his daggers back.

They start running again, staying in parallel with the road without coming too close in view of the concentration of zombies.

They take a break at noon by the trees. It only rained lightly for a few minutes that Levi was thankful for. Neither of them utter a single word until they’re about to start walking again. Levi freezes as he hears noises, chatting. His blood runs cold when he peers out from behind the tree. He pushes Eren back against one with a hand over his mouth.

“Humans,” he mouths the words, pointing to the street behind him.

Levi doesn’t move an inch for several minutes, holding Eren at the same time. His heart is beating fast, the wheels of his brain running at full speed. Should they show themselves?

He meets Eren's eyes. They shouldn’t, not after what happened. Maybe these people are not as friendly as the Base residents. Levi had heard terrifying stories about the remnants of humanity of some people outside, and he remembers what Eren had told him about being more suspicious of Liberty and what happened with Nick. He can’t risk it again.

He keeps his hand pressed to his mouth as the three humans walk straight down the street without slowing down. Levi sees them more distinctly as they inch closer.

A young woman with dirty blond hair, a teenager with tattoos on his arms and middle-aged man with a missing arm.

They wait until they disappear from their view before moving again taking more precautions. Neither of them mention the subject at first, but it works up Levi. Maybe they could have helped each other. Maye they were hostile and he did the right thing. He would never know.

“You know you didn’t have to hold me the whole time right?” Eren smirks glancing at him.

Levi feels his face heating up. What he's not going to do is blush like a teenager with a crush. _No._

“Shut up! I was in the heat of the moment.”

“It’s cute that you worry about me.”

He rolls his eyes, muttering _whatever._

“Do you often meet other Survivors?” Eren asks him a while later.

“Not really. I've seen a few in recent years. Most of the time, if they are peaceful, we welcome them. This is the case of many members of the community.”

“And if they are not? Peaceful, I mean.”

“So it ends badly for one side or the other, I guess. We never really had this scenario, except once. This guy thought he could rob Mikasa. He messed with the wrong girl.”

One kilometer. Then another. They see groups of zombies in the distance. They see abandoned houses and they run on broken roads. They’re approaching the house. Levi knows it. He recognizes the place. The Base is not so far away.

They’re only a few hours away when Levi trips twisting his ankle. He cries out as fresh pain burned through his leg. He almost collapsed to the ground if it wasn’t for Eren’s hands steadying him.

“ _Fuck!”_ Levi moans in pain.

Eren helps him sit on the floor glancing at him concerned. Levi flattens his leg grimly. Eren begins to feel his injured ankle making Levi hiss in pain when he twists it.

“I think it's a sprain… can you walk?”

Levi inhales sharply. It’s going to hurt but he has to walk. Running is a completely different task that he will not be able to accomplish.

He waits a few seconds before getting up, Eren supporting him. He takes a step, then two, biting his lip to contain his pain but failing as he whimpers.

“If you can hold my bag I can try to carry you on my back.”

“Alright Hercules just a day before you were dying and now you think you can carry me?”

“You're like a mouse Levi I'm pretty sure I’ll be fine with your weight— Stop glaring.”

“ _A mouse_?” Levi repeats disgusted but it only makes Eren smile. “Well this _mouse_ doesn't need your help thank you very much.”

Eren tries his best not to laugh at how adorable Levi is, when he pouts. “Alright then big boy show me?”

Levi stubbornly attempts to walk on his legs and he stumbles in pain.

“ _Oww_!”

Eren looks at him apologetic. “Alright, alright then lean on me we'll take our time.”

Levi likes this feeling of having Eren's arms around him. Maybe a little too much. He blames it on his ankle.

He has to move forward. They’re not going to fail so close to home.

One step after another, Levi continues on his way. They have to be about three hours away. For the first time in days, Levi allows himself to hope, despite his worries.

“You can run faster, Eren. You can go home; I'll join you at my own pace.”

Eren gently slaps his head for any answer.

“Don’t be stupid.”

“I'm getting fed up with you insulting my intelligence.”

“If you showed me that you’re capable of using the few neurons at your disposal, I wouldn’t say it.”

Levi pinches Eren’s arm draped around him because he’s frustrated and Eren won’t listen. Eren huffs in disbelief grumbling “ _Rotzlöffel.”_

“I don’t know what you said so fuck you too.”

Eren looks strangely pleased with riling him up.

When a walker appears a few minutes later, Eren stabs it in the head then pushes it off with his leg.

“Okay that was badass.”

“What? Does that turn you on?” He teases.

Maybe that’s his own way of comforting Levi through his pain. Going out of his comfort zone to distract him and make him talk. Maybe he likes making him flustered. But nobody has to know that.

Levi gapes at his words.

“ _What!_ We are _not_ having this conversation.”

“I can't believe it. I made Levi blush.”

Levi scoffs looking away in order to hide his evident flushed face. “I'm not blushing!”

“You totally are.” Eren laughs.

“Who the hell are you and what happened to stiff-Eren?”

Eren ruffles his hair for an answer.

“I’m gonna punch you if you don’t stop.” Levi pulls away from his hold. He mutters under his breath, flattening his damp hair.

Eren smiles at him, raising his hands in surrender.

“Isabel would have loved this little road trip,” He says a few minutes later as they resume walking. In Levi’s case limping. “She loved walking a lot. She liked to discover things. And she was a little crazy. She liked to get out of the City.”

Surprised, Levi doesn’t say a word for several seconds. He feels like they’re back on their roof, when Eren is telling him about his family. Usually he only speaks about it at night. The darkness helps him with a lot of things, definitely. Like Levi. Maybe Eren needs to focus on something other than their miserable fate. Levi understands it.

“When I was a child, I disobeyed orders, like a lot!” he confesses in turn. “I was such a little shit back then. I don't understand how he kept up with it.”

“Was? Trust me you're still a little shit.”

Levi gives him a playful punch on the arm when he smirks.

“ _Anyway!”_ He glares. “Before arriving at the base, we were a nomadic community. We never lived long in the same place. We were always on the move. I was the one who discovered the base. One day I had fled the camp to go for a walk. It was dangerous but I didn’t measure the risks. I learned to fight young and I thought I would be able to kill all zombies just at ten years old. I already had a rather developed ego apparently.” 

Eren lets out a laugh and Levi continues.

“I found the base and I got lost in the corridors. I stayed there for two days before I finally got to the surface. You can imagine Kenny's anger when I finally got home. They all thought I was dead, Kenny was in an abominable state. I was _so_ grounded.”

Levi smiles at the memory, almost with tears in his eyes.

“It was Nile who wanted to go and check where was this labyrinth that I was talking about. Kenny thought I was inventing things, but Nile believed me. He came back to the Base with me, went around. When he returned, he informed Kenny. It was a difficult decision to make. We could finally live in security, but that meant not seeing the light of day, at least rarely for some. It was inconceivable for some who left us at that moment. For the majority, it was a bargain. We would finally be safe.”

Levi recognized the forest where he goes to hunt with Mikasa. They’re not very far away. Hope and relief, these dangerous traitors, are beginning to crawl their way in his chest. Maybe they’ll make it back alive, finally.

“The Base has been our home since that day. Nile… will never go home…” He trails off.

Eren squeezes his shoulder gently.

It’s late, all the farmers had to be back inside since Levi isn’t able to see anyone else in the distance. Oh, maybe not really. There’s someone.

“Look, I think someone is doing some rounds. I don’t understand what—”

Levi pauses when Eren stops him by the arm.

“Levi, I don’t think it's—”

Levi freezes so abruptly standing on his legs. The pain surging through him is a reminder of his critical condition.

“Contaminated straight ahead,” Eren whispers annoyed.

Levi is at the point where he has seen enough zombies for the rest of his life, but _obviously_ , someone up there didn’t agree. He’s exhausted, wounded and can’t run anymore. Levi has tried to ignore his pain in the past few hours but he’s coming to the end of his resistance now. The zombie moves towards them faster than him.

“If there is only one, I can easily—” 

Four others suddenly came out of the trees. Then two more. Eren goes silent. What the hell is this? They’ve use mint it should have covered their sent unless—

“Did you use the mint?”

Eren winces glancing at him.

“No, I came after you immediately. I’m sorry.”

“Fucking hell Eren.”

They’re so close it’s not even fair.

“I can take them out,” Eren suggests slowly. “But I can’t leave you uncovered and you can’t—”

“Leave me; we're close, go home and get help—” 

“ _Here we go again_!”

Levi whimpers at the pain when he steps on both of his legs, grabbing Eren’s sweater collar, frustrated. “Didn’t you say you didn’t want to die the other day? Did your wish vanish so quickly? I’ll try and climb a tree or whatever. Just go!”

Eren pulls away, glares at him then back at the zombies. He eyes Levi up and down then nods to himself quickly as if he’s figured it out.

“What are you waiting for just go— _Ah_!”

Without warning, Eren just picks him up and throws him over his shoulder as if he’s weightless.

Levi can’t help but let out an incredulous laugh. “What the _fuck?_ ”

“What did we say? We survive together.”

Levi gasps, his stomach crushed against Eren's shoulder as he runs towards the door. He bangs on the heavy gate calling for Marco or anyone to open up for them. But nobody comes.

“ _Shit!—_ ”

“Go from the back it’s not completely fixed yet.”

Eren runs towards the back as fast as he can with Levi’s weight on top of him. He’s suddenly reminded of his military days where he would run laps with weights on his back for punishment.

Levi is right, after the attack that took down Nanaba and Ciss, they didn’t finish the back fence but merely covered it with wood. He raises his right leg and kicks the wood with force, but it doesn't open at first.

Eren flinches at the sound of the gun so close to him, making his ears ring for a few seconds. He kicks again and this time the wood budges back.

Levi checks to only find five bullets left. He can’t shoot accurately from this position. “Let me down.” Levi squirms over him and Eren ignores him as he kicks the wood one last time making it fall back with a thud.

He trots toward the trap door, cutting Levi's breath every time he bounces off his shoulder. 

Just a few meters.

Eren puts him down, almost _dropping_ him on the floor near the hatch. Levi isn’t even complaining, he points his gun at them, trying to prevent his arms from trembling, brandishing his weapon.

“ _Eren_ ,” Levi warns him urgently. He needs to make every shot counts. He takes a deep breath aiming at the closest one.

“I’m doing my best.”

Eren manages to lift the hatch and glances at Levi.

“No. You go first.” Levi shakes his head, eyes still fixed on the moving contaminated. He shoots another one

“Your ankle—”

“I'm counting on you to catch me down.”

Eren hesitates only for a second before slipping inside.

Levi tucks his weapon to his belt and slips after him three seconds later, as the zombies finally reaches him. Levi almost wants to scream “ _goodbye motherfuckers”_ before disappearing down. Just to feel the satisfaction. But he doesn’t. He manages to close the hatch, plunging them in the darkness and the safety of the base. Levi would never have imagined being so relieved one day for being locked up.

Levi trembles around the rungs of the ladder.

“Go down a little bit. Then you can jump.”

He steps down gently wincing every time he presses down on his injured leg. Until he feels Eren's hands on his waist, pulling him off the ladder.

Levi feels the ground under his feet and Eren against his body. 

_They’re alive._

_They’re safe._  

Levi slides to the ground dragging Eren with him, holding him. They don’t say a word for several minutes, just breathing and letting the reality sink in. They remove their bags and Eren immediately pulls him into a crushing hug. Levi is almost suffocating but he doesn’t care.

_They’re alive._

_They made it._

“We're home,” Levi chokes out through the lump in his throat.

Eren nods against him, breathing heavily.

“We’re home, we’re alive.”

They don’t move for a very long time. When they finally get up, Levi whimpers, biting his lips to suppress a scream at the pain in his leg. He didn’t spare it in the last few hours. Eren puts an arm around his waist to support him and help him move forward. They pick up their backpacks and advance in the corridor side by side. Levi has never been so happy to be here. He wants to cry in relief.

Until he realizes something is wrong.

“It's too quiet,” he whispers in Eren's ear.

He grabs his weapon again, anxiety overwhelming him at once. They make their way towards HQ. It shouldn’t be this quiet at this hour. There’s light at the end of the hallway. Levi continues to limp, leaning on Eren, trying to make as little noise as possible. 

**

Kenny watches the slow flicker of the candle flame and just breathes in for a second. It’s been a week since they have told him. Since Erwin had delivered the news. He went from heaven to hell in just one moment. Seven days since he had stopped functioning. How could he when he lost everything? It’s still a strange feeling. It’s still alien to him how fast it all happened. One minute he was here and the next he was gone.

He would expect him to burst into the room and flop on his bed complaining about Lynne’s bullying. But he doesn’t. He would expect Nile to come over like always and help him around with new plans to better the community. But he doesn’t. He had lost his friend, his son and an innocent kid. How can he ever live with the fact of allowing these kids outside? Sending them off to their deaths?

He still can't quit thinking that maybe there was something else he could've said or done. Maybe a miracle would've happened had he stopped him from going and maybe they would've all been alive. He should've told him no, should've made him stay where he'd be safe, and sure, he would've been angry, but he would've been alive.

He swallows thickly through the lump in his throat, looking up at the crowd that had started to gather around him. In a world like this you don’t get the luxury of mourning the dead. Kenny couldn’t deal with it at first. Everywhere he looked, everywhere he went the memories of Levi hunt him in every corner of the base. The fact that he would never see him again was too harsh for him to realize and accept.

He had spent his entire life trying to help people. Why did god take away the most precious person he has? Why did god rob him away of everything he ever loved?

The ceiling lights are off and the room is lit in the center by candles. Each of the members of the community, gathered in a circle around him, is holding a candle. The sofas had been pushed back to leave more space. In the center of the circle there are three portraits. One of Nile, one of Levi, one of Eren. Petra’s drawings.

When he looks down his heart aches at the sight. That’s exactly how Levi was, exactly like Petra saw him. A blinding smile, bright like the sun, twinkling eyes. An involuntary tear drops from his eyes and he wipes it away. He was so young and yet left so quickly. Tomas stands in line beside him and squeezes his shoulder jerking him back to reality. He doesn’t have time for this. He’s the leader of a whole community and with leaderships comes responsibility. Levi was gone and nothing in this world could bring him back. Everything had stopped for a week but it’s time to try and get things back in order it’s not fair for everyone else.

His community is there for him and he needs to be there for them. Even when he’s in pain, even when it feels like he’s lost everything, even when he feels like he can’t do anything anymore. The last week had been a blur but they were there, looking out for him in their own way.

Everyone waits for him to speak. He takes a deep shuddering breath. “Levi was my son.” He starts and his eyes cast down to the picture as if to feel his presence. “Even if we weren’t of the same blood, I raised that kid and I was his father. I wish I could say that I made him a good man but he's the one who made me a better person. It was—”

The rest watch him struggle with his words. His features are drawn, his face pale even in the light of the candle, his eyes are empty of the spark that usually shines in them. 

“Levi was a little brat. But he was the truest person I ever had the honor to meet. He was five years old when I found him, hiding in the middle of a closet, trembling, and starved to death. The first thing he told me when he saw me was _you stink_.”

The others laugh as Kenny looks up at the ceiling, smiling bitterly. 

“He had this thing about him. He attracted life. He attracted light. He would make you pay attention to him in any way possible. And he basks in it. He loved the attention.” Kenny lets out a breathy laugh, placing the candle on the table. “He had an oversized ego that kid, I used to snap at him for it even though I thought he had the right to have such an ego with the way he was. He loved life. He loved freedom. He loved the light, the sun, the fresh air. He doesn’t belong in a time like this. He should’ve lived decades ago, where he could have gone out as much as he wanted without risking death. Because like I said, that brat never follows my instructions. But he was… _my_ _precious brat_.”

No matter how much he tries to contain it a few tears escape and he feels himself starting to crumble.

“My wife and my daughter died twenty years ago. Levi was the only family I had left... He showed me day after day that we shouldn’t lose faith in this life. He brought me the light I had lost. I remember that day when he was seven years old. He fell and broke his arm. He was trying not to cry. He said it didn’t matter, that there was worse in this life. He refused to complain. He made the happiness of others before his own, the survival of others before his own. He didn’t understand that for me it was his survival and happiness that mattered. It was the most precious thing in the world.”

Kenny wants to cry. He wants to dig up the earth until it swallows him. When it had happened, he hadn’t let himself cry much. There hasn’t been time— _there still isn’t time_. But he wants to cry and be grounded by something, to be allowed to selfishly cry without thinking about anyone else. But he can’t do that. Not with these lives he has to care after.

“ _Dad_ ,” For a second Kenny closes his eyes holding back a sob. He can already hear his voice. It took him a lot of time for his daughter and wife’s voices to disappear from his mind. This is not fair.

But the voices rising around him indicate something is wrong.

“Dad!” Levi cries out by the door.

And it’s like a bomb had dropped in the room.

Some started to scream, others cry. It’s a huge mess of reactions.

Levi begins to walk as fast as he can towards his father, pushing himself through the pain in his ankle. 

Kenny doesn’t react at first when Levi crushes against him, still not believing what he sees in front of him. His tremble hands reach for Levi’s shoulder, pulling him away.

He looks him up and down at him, taking into account his torn and blood-stained clothes, the bags under his eyes and his scratches. He touches his shoulders hesitantly as if to see if he’s really there in front of him. And he is. He’s injured, bloodied, crying but he’s alive. He pulls him tightly in his arms, afraid to let go and it would all be an illusion.

“ _Levi._ ” He chokes out. His face contorts with the overwhelming emotions. He’s unable to hold back the sobs that explode from his chest, stealing his breath and drowning his eyes. He sobs as he hold him close.

Levi closes his eyes tightly, clinging to him for fear of falling. He can’t watch his father crying without feeling the tears gush down over his own face. Neither of them utter a word for long seconds.

“My goodness, the next time you do this to me, I'm locking you up for the rest of your life,” Kenny says after a moment, chin trembling.

“I know. I love you too.”

Kenny sniffs and wipes his eyes discreetly, pulling away. 

Mikasa crashes against Levi’s back almost falling over him. Before he knows it, Hanji joins and they’re both hugging him weeping tears of joy and relief. “You're alive,” Mikasa hugs him tighter.

“May I know where _the fuck_ have you been?” Hanji utters in a small voice. She couldn’t manage to make it firm.

Levi steps back and looks at the situation around him. All their friends look so shocked that they stand silently around them, watching them as if they were ghosts. Eren had followed Levi. 

Levi suppresses the uncomfortable sensation that twists in his stomach when he sees that Petra was already by his side with tears on her cheeks. 

He smiles, however, at Nifa, who snuggles against Eren. He tells her that everything is fine, before taking a step towards Krista, who stands a few inches from him, a hand pressed on her mouth, tears overflowing on her face. Eren crosses the distance to take her in his arms. 

She sobs, punching him on the chest with her clenched fists for an answer. “Stop dying, _for fuck’s sake!_ Next time I'll be the one killing you for all the trouble you make me go through.”

After several minutes of vigorous hugging and crying, Levi looks around. It’s then that he notices that Erwin is there. Near the wall. Obviously ready to run away.

But where would he go? Levi will find him wherever he hides. This ends today.

“Erwin.” He simply says.

Just his mere sight of him reminds him of why he’s here. It reminds him of the promise he made to himself. That's when his anger comes, unleashed without thought of consequence.

_Red._

_Everything goes red._

_All he sees is red._

His brain goes on overdrive as it sends him images of the nightmare that he’s been going through the minute Erwin abandoned them.

He limps towards him with gritted teeth and locked jaw. The memories weigh down on him but instead of breaking him even more, this time, his heart turns ice cold with one thought only. Blowing his brains out. Anger, barely even touches the tip of the volcano that is his mind right now.

Erwin backs against the wall when he meets his eyes. He raises his hands in defense.

“ _Wait let me explain_ —”

Levi pulls out his gun. He hears gasps and yelps around them, he doesn’t even feel his fingers as they pull the trigger. He hates himself for not doing it sooner. But it’s okay even if he’s too late he’s still doing it. Because he’s going to enjoy pulling this trigger. He doesn't know what that makes him, and it scares him to think that he could be this selfish.

But he knows that he’s only going to enjoy killing him because of the relief it’ll bring to this hell that Erwin created, because he doesn’t know how to appease the burning of revenge in his chest. For all of the abuse, the lies, and the pain he’s caused. Levi is going to enjoy watching him die. He needs to do it and so he pulls the trigger. He hears his name being called but he can’t focus on anything else but the weight of the gun on his hand. Erwin’s pale face and wide eyes and the echo of the gun shot as he drops to the ground.

There is nothing to explain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're finally home y'all!!!!!!  
> Thank you beautiful people for the comments and encouragements and keeping up with this messy updating schedule! love you all <3 hope you having a lovely day/night wherever you are in the world <3


	25. Trial

Levi was only five when his parents abandoned him. He was only five when he first experienced crippling fear of abandonment. He was only five when his parents decided that he wasn’t worth saving.

Lonely and scared, the little boy met Kenny. His scrawny fingers held the paw of his teddy bear tightly. His teddy bear was all he had left of a family. Tangled hair framing his dirty face, his cheekbones were more pronounced than they should ever be on one so young. He was just a kid covered in filth and starving to death, left behind with a fake promise of return.

Levi was only seven when he lost his first friend. He was smaller than most of the other kids his age. All kids of the community had parents but Levi’s didn’t want him. He never knew exactly why and other kids teased him about it. But not her. There was one little girl that wanted to play with him and talk to him. But then she died and he was left alone again.

Levi was only nine when he started acting out and running away. He was trouble. It was the first time he punched someone and got hurt in the process. The word sorry left a sour taste in his mouth but Kenny made him say it to the kid who’d asked him where his real parents are. Kenny only started relaxing when Furlan came into the picture. He didn’t have to worry about Levi so much.

Levi was twelve when he watched someone die for the first time, when he was forced to end a life for the first time. This world is a cruel, cruel place and that's just how shit is. Kenny was worried. Yeah, the kid proved to be tough and more than capable, but no matter how smart, how tough, or how determined he was, he was still a kid. Smaller than everyone threatening him, and physically weaker too.

Kenny found the boy on the ground, crying and panicking that day. He squeezed him tight, kissed his forehead, and let him know that they'd be okay. He let the boy fall asleep on his lap, whispering comforting words in his ears as he did. Showing him that he was there with him, for him, to protect him.

Kenny tried to be his friend, tried to be a shoulder to cry on, a therapist. He tried to be anything so he can prevent him from straying away. Levi was hardened, and how could he not be after all the shit he'd been through? He wasn't even a teenager yet and he'd already killed and seen others being killed. He'd already lost people who'd meant everything to him. He'd already learned more than he should've ever learned.

He had just gone through something traumatic. He'd seen something that he could never un-see, done something that he could never forget about, not even just for a second. Everyone tried to comfort him, to get his mind off it by complimenting his bravery and how he’d become a man.

Levi was only a child when his childhood was ripped away from his hands. When he had to mature before his age. In this world, where people turned against each other. Where running was the only way to stay alive.

But Kenny was also his parent despite what they all said. He was Levi’s stability and family. He tried to teach Levi that there were other ways to do things, that killing wasn't always necessary, that humanity matters and that we shouldn’t take it lightly. “Human life is valuable.” He said. “Especially in such times. Killing is never the first option.”

Right now, as he stands before everyone fueled by violence, is he still human? His mind is reeling with thoughts of murder and blood shed, is he still human? What even is being human in this world? Can you lose your humanity in a single moment? Or is it the built up trauma that causes you to lose it? Has he finally lost it? Has he blocked his humanity in order to feed his crave for revenge?

Levi doesn’t have answers anymore. Never had them in fact. All he knows is the sick and twisted satisfaction he gets from having the power to end a life at the moment.

_An eye for an eye._

Nile would be disappointed. Nile who always wanted peace.

There’s a fire in his heart, burning, untamed. Anger, grief, betrayal, pain and revenge all emotions fight for control. And Levi is a slave for these emotions, too blinded to fight back. At this moment, all Levi wants to do is burn everything to ashes.

His mouth twists up into a horrendous grin “happy to see me eh?” He didn’t intend to kill him just yet. That shot was just a warning. A reminder of what’s about to come. For once he’s fighting him back and not running away.

“Levi! What are you doing?” Kenny’s voice makes its way loud and clear in his ears. He doesn’t spare him a glance as all his attention is laid on Erwin.

Levi is no stable person by no means. But he knows his limits. He knows when it’s too much and when a decision is not his to make. Knows that what he’s doing is not allowed. But when has he ever listened anyway? Usually he knows how to stay in line. Sometimes people keep pushing the buttons until he can’t take it anymore. And when that happens, when everything that’s been simmering just below the surface boils over, there's no way in stopping it.

Erwin is gasping on the ground, shock and fear evident on his beautiful face. A face that Levi learned to hate, to be wary of. Fearful eyes stare back at him. Erwin never thought Levi would ever cross that line. To be honest even Levi himself never thought he would do it.

Has Levi ever looked at him like this? He wonders how Erwin felt when he did. Feeling this much power and control does feel so good. Seeing him weak, pathetic, trembling brings joy to some twisted dark sides of him.

No wonder Erwin enjoyed every single second of it. He probably got off on it.

Levi grabs his hair pulling him up, before pushing him violently against the wall. “Dear Erwin here,” He slams his revolver against His throat. “Has a story to tell and he better say it before I run out of patience and scatter his brain to the ground. So listen up everybody.”

Levi's voice is low, hissing. He growls angrily in his ear.

“Have you ever been afraid of me before today, Erwin? You should have taken more time into thinking before betraying me like that. Who’s scarier huh? Zombies or me?”

Erwin swallows hard, his head thrown back against the wall, held by Levi's grip on his hair. Levi releases him with disgust, spitting on him.

“What did you exactly tell them for us to arrive in the middle of our own fucking funeral?” He yells.

Erwin keeps his eyes glued to the ground. He’s still shaking.

“Erwin told us that you were separated and that you had been slaughtered by zombies.” Mikasa supplies, confused, when Erwin says nothing. “He stopped us from coming for you…”

“That we were separated?” Levi repeats the words.

Eyes are on him. Misunderstanding. Worry. He meets Eren's green irises.

And he’s back on Erwin punching him in the face. His eyes widen when Levi slams him against the wall, gun pushed under his chin violently.

“Separated?” Levi’s eyes cold and sharp as daggers as they stare into him. “Really now?”

Erwin is suffocating. A drop of sweat rolls down his temple.

There’s a movement behind his back, people talking at the same time, indignant, trying to reason with Levi, trying to understand what is happening— _afraid_ to understand what is happening.

Levi thrusts the weapon against Erwin's skin.

“ _Please_.” He begs. Grasping Levi’s hand on his shirt with trembling fingers. “ _Don’t. Please_.”

“ _What did you do to them_?” Mike yells struggling against Eren as he holds him back.

“Do you tell them or do I tell them?”

“Tell us what?” Mikasa’s chin trembles as she asks.

“I left.” Erwin mumbles, eyes screwed shut.

“What?” Levi presses harder on the barrel of his weapon. “Say it louder sweetheart no one heard that.”

“I left!” Erwin repeats at a slightly louder volume.

“You left!” Levi yells it for them instead. He pulls away at arm’s length. “You ran away like a coward, you abandoned us and you left us to die there!”

A deathly silence follows behind his words.

“Do you want me to tell them, Erwin? Do you want me to tell them that we were ready to go out when we saw that Eren and Nile were attacked and couldn’t escape? When we realized that Nile was hurt and that Eren had to defend them both? Do you want me to tell them how you tried to stop me from going there and told me that it was too late, that we couldn’t do anything for them and that we would all die if we went back?”

His words are followed by a hit on the face with the back of his gun. Erwin sways almost falling to the floor if it wasn’t for Levi’s grip. Blood trickles from the cut on his forehead.

“ _I was scared, I was scared—_ ”

“Do you want me to describe the look that you gave me when I came down to join them without listening to you and that you, _you_ turned your back on us to escape in the other direction?”

Levi slams him again against the wall. Erwin moans in pain when he hits the back of his head.

“ _Please! I didn’t mean to—”_

“He’s dead! It could have been avoided! If you had been there and if you had not ran away like a coward, maybe we would have had a fucking chance, I don’t know! Instead of that—”

Levi pauses, screws his eyes shut for a second feeling the intense pain from his ankle. When he opens them again, Erwin's gaze fixed on him, trembling with fear. It only intensifies his rage.

“Instead of that, Nile got bitten trying to save us. He was bitten in the neck. He bled a lot and was in so much pain.”

Levi clenches his teeth. His grip trembles around his weapon.

“So, you know what I had to do Erwin? You know how Nile died?”

Levi moves his gun from Erwin’s chin and points it at the lower side of his head.

“Right here. I had to stab him here. He wanted me to shoot him when he was still alive. But I couldn’t. Eren tried so hard to stop the bleeding but it was too late. I wanted to bring him home. I wanted him to say goodbye to his friends, to his family. But he died in my arms.”

Erwin flinches, blinking rapidly through the trickle of blood on his eye. “ _I’m sorry. I—”_

Levi pushes the revolver on his mouth, quieting him. Erwin whimpers pathetically around it. Spit trailing on the sides as he sobs.

“You can’t even imagine my relief when we finally managed to leave. But the car was gone. You didn’t just abandon us like a coward in the middle of an attack, you had taken away our only chance to get back home. It was over for Nile. We couldn’t even take him back to bury him here.” Levi’s voice breaks as angry tears blur his eyes. “They must have got to him and tore him apart by now. There’s probably nothing that’s left of him.”

Mary, Nile's wife, had slipped to the floor a few feet away and was sobbing and screaming for Nile.

“ _I’m sorry.”_ Erwin wails when Levi pulls his gun away _. “I’m so sorry. Please you have to understand I was scared. I panicked I—”_

“ _Shut the fuck up_. You didn’t even wait for us or check if we were still alive! Your life means nothing to me just like what you said there.”

“ _No I did I swear I waited for you_.” He shakes his head frantic, pleading. “ _I— I waited but you never came out. I was scared. It was a suicide mission to go back. It was too late. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it! I’m not you. I was scared.”_ He screams, looking around trying to convince everyone. “ _You have to understand_. _You have to believe me. You_ —”

“ _You told us they died! You didn’t want us to go back because you said you saw them die!”_ Mikasa lunges forward, attempting to attack, screaming angrily but Hanji pulls her back trying to calm her down.

Kenny’s doing the same with Mary who keeps thrashing in his arms.

“ _Kill him. Kill him please. My husband...” She sobs. “Nile is gone because of him.”_

Everyone speaks at the same time, screaming, crying, begging. It’s chaos.

“Levi—” Tomas starts.

“ _What_?” He turns around pointing his gun towards everyone. “This is between us. No one has the right to interfere.” He drops coldly. “No one was there when he abandoned us. Your friend _died._ How could you want me to stop?”

Marcel who’s hiding behind Petra’s legs, is peaking at him wide-eyed. He’s terrified. The fear in his eyes breaks Levi’s heart. He shouldn’t have witnessed this mess.

 _Poor kid_. He thinks. He must think Levi is a monster. Why wouldn’t he? He killed his father after all.

Kenny seems to have realized that the kids are here. He whispers for Petra to take them out.

“We've risked our lives we don't deserve this shit! I don't deserve this fucking community that I protect with my life to never be on my fucking side. What did you all do beside sit on your asses and consume what we provide, what I bring to your table?”

Levi’s mind is racing with one thought. One strong thought that consumes him.

_Kill Erwin._

_Cross the line and kill him._

“It would be so much, so much easier to shoot a bullet between your eyes now,” Levi glances back at Erwin. He can feel his resolve crumble little by little, as tears threaten to leak down his face.

_Kill him for his cowardice._

“Levi, calm down,” He hears Kenny's strained voice behind him. “Son, don’t do anything stupid. I know you’re angry—”

_Kill him for Nile._

“So much simpler to avenge Nile,” Levi continues without paying attention to them. He angrily wipes his tears away. His other hand dropping to his side. “Didn’t you say that you would protect me always? Didn’t you always act like I was poor little defenseless Levi? _You ran away when I needed you most!_ ” He yells punching him again.

_Kill him for Marcel._

Erwin crumbles to his knees screaming in pain.

“ _I'm sorry. Please, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was scared. I’ll do anything— I’ll do anything I swear. Don’t kill me.”_

Levi looks down at Erwin bleeding, holding onto his leg, begging pathetically on the ground. Levi stands there quiet and unmoving for a second, panting.

“You should have thought about this before doing it.” Then he points the gun towards Erwin’s head.

“Levi! _No!_ ”

It’s Eren who pulls his arm away this time. “Don’t.” His grip is strong on Levi, bruising.

“Why?” He spits angrily, struggling to pull away. “He didn’t care about us. Why should we care for him?”

“He said he was scared.” Connie intervenes from the crowd, finally mustering the courage. Levi glares at him.

Before he could even say anything Mikasa speaks. “ _He lied Connie. He said they died and they didn’t_.”

“He waited for them and—”

“ _You still don’t get it, do you_?” Levi ceases struggling to properly look at him. “Do you want to live with someone who will turn his back on you? Someone who would run away and leave you to die?”

“Levi, trust me please. Don’t do this.” Eren's fingers slowly wrap around his grip on the revolver. “You don’t want to do this. I know it hurts but it won't bring Nile back.”

“I would back up if I were you.” He warns. Even though he knows, Eren could totally twist his arm right now and call it a day. He’s giving Levi the choice.

“Right now it may seem like this is the only answer and is the sweetest revenge you will ever get against him.” He continues ignoring his warning. “But what is going to be left once you have taken his life? Remember what you told me? Do you really think you’re going to feel better?”

Levi tries to let Eren’s words soothe him; overpower the voices screaming in his head. Overpower the rage he feels inside of him. He slowly loosens his trembling grip around the gun.

“How can you say that? You’ve been there. You’ve seen Nile die too. You almost died because of him. How?”

“He’s not worth it.” Is all Eren says. “Nile wouldn’t want you to do this and you know it.”

Nile always insisted on peaceful approaches. He always avoided conflicts and insisted on preserving humanity in dark times.

Levi lets go. Eren sighs in relief, grabs it and puts it back on his belt.

“This is not over.” Levi growls one last time yanking Erwin by the hair. “You take your shit from my room and you get out. If you come anywhere near me I swear there won’t be enough time for you to beg.”

“Take him to my office.” Kenny orders from somewhere behind him. 

Erwin struggles, begging over and over again that it was a mistake, that he’s sorry, looking wild and crazy.  

“I think we need to have a community meeting now,” Someone says but Levi pays them no attention heading out of the room. He avoids their eyes rushing towards the door, limping.

“No. Let the boys get some rest tonight. Tomorrow, many things will change.”

Levi feels empty and tired as he walks in the hallway. His head is throbbing. The adrenaline rush has died down by now and the pain makes him lightheaded. He suddenly sidesteps, bumping into the wall.

“Where are you going?”

_Eren._

All Levi want is to be left alone right now. He can’t stand all the noise anymore. He needs silence and isolation. Levi totters, pressing a hand against the hallway wall for support.

“Levi what—”

“I’m fine! Worry about yourself!” He snaps, feeling feverish. The room spins and he slides against the wall, falling to the floor.

“Hey! Slow down.” Eren rushes towards him and Kneels beside him. “What’s wrong? What hurts? Can you walk?”

“Head rush.” Levi stumbles over his words. His skin is damp with sweat, pulse fluttering fast. “M’fine. Just—” He lets out an involuntary whimper when he moves his leg. It hurts so much he can hardly bear it. “Just—” His eyes droop and then roll back in his head as everything goes black.

**

Levi makes a big fuss about being carried once he comes to mid-trip, supported by Kenny and Tomas. He whines loudly insisting on marching himself up on his own, but regrets it when he feels the pain, inhaling sharply and doubling over. The last thing he feels are firm hands that catch him before he slams face first into the ground.

Everything else is a blur for a while. Hanji’s everywhere on him checking his body and talking to someone that Levi can’t see. It’s all a fog until she touches his ankle, pressing and moving, he hisses at the pain, drawing in a breath through his teeth.

Somewhere along the way he falls asleep lulled by Hanji’s voice telling him that she’ll take care of him.

**

Levi wakes up again, startled.

“Eren?” The name falls from his lips on the first breath he takes.

He feels shaky and vulnerable. He’s only wearing his underwear and a shirt that feels soft against his skin. Whoever changed his clothes must have seen the marks Eren left on his body. The room’s spinning a bit when he sits up but he’s still breathing, still alive and he’s home. He winces at the pain that shoots up his leg.

He’s in his room. He had thought he would never get back here. The sighs is comforting. His room feels a little different. Some things are gone. Erwin's stuff. Erwin wouldn’t live here anymore. Levi would make sure of that.

His room is also different because there are people in it. Hanji is sleeping in an armchair. Petra is lying on a mattress on the floor, Eren at the end of Erwin's side and Krista sleeping on a chair next to him. Mikasa is sitting by his feet, the only one awake in the room other than him. His injured leg is clad in a makeshift ankle brace, propped higher on a couple of pillows.

“He didn’t want to leave you.” She says softly.

Levi nods, watching Eren's face, finally peaceful while asleep.

_They’re safe._

“What happened?”

“You’re dehydrated and exhausted. Here drink some water, Hanji put something in it.” She says holding a water canteen to his lips. “Eren told Hanji that you barely ate or slept. You’re so fucking careless.” She looks at him with a mixture of sadness and guilt.

“I’m okay, really.” He takes a long sip. The water is fresh against his throat, leaving the faintest hint of salt as an aftertaste. “It’s a simple fix.”

He makes himself more comfortable on the pillows they’ve propped him against.

Levi is, technically, fine. Mikasa _knows_ this. Hanji confirmed it. It doesn’t stop her from leaning forward and taking him in her arms, crushing him in a tight embrace.

“Hey, Mika, I didn’t come back alive to be crushed to death.”

“I'm so sorry. I’m sorry.” She pulls away. “I should have been with you, I would have had to cover your backs or stop you from leaving, instead I told you not to come back to haunt me when you die and you almost—”

Levi understands her reaction. He squeezes her hand. 

“It's not your fault. The only one responsible for this mess is fucking Erwin… And me, because I should have waited for you. You did nothing wrong.”

Mikasa straightens up with a sigh. He drinks more of the water.

“I thought you were dead. It’s such a crazy feeling thinking I’d never see your ugly ass again.”

He chuckles as she wipes her eyes. Levi rarely saw her cry. Maybe once or twice in his lifetime not so much in the span of few hours.

“You don’t have the right to die okay? _Fuck!_ You're the only family I have, besides Hanji.”

Levi feels a lump growing in his throat.

“I'm so sorry. I’ll never leave outside without you, I promise you.”

“As if I’ll let you anyway. The next time you pull this shit I’ll strap you to your bed.”

“Kinky.” He wiggles his brows. “Didn’t know you’re into that.”

She rolls her eyes as Levi giggles. She shushes him so he won’t wake up the others.

“Did it really happen as you described it there?”

Levi’s face drop. He puts the canteen on his bedside table, absentmindedly starts picking on his blanket.

“Yeah…”

Mikasa sighs

“Eren told us that you were stuck with zombies a bunch of times. He said he would be dead without you.”

Levi glances at Eren, still asleep. He wants to reach over and tuck a loose strand of hair behind his ear. Just to reach out and touch him. He doesn’t.

“Just as I would be dead without him too. I wouldn’t have had the strength to leave if it wasn’t for him. It was too hard psychologically. Erwin who abandons us, having to ... kill Nile ... I couldn’t get anywhere. He's the one who forced me to move every time. When we discovered that the car was gone, when Nile died. It was for him that I managed to drag myself outside and run. I think we wouldn’t have survived without each other. He would have gotten lost, I wouldn’t have had the strength. Or even if I had the strength, I wouldn’t have been able because of my ankle. When we arrived a few meters away from here, we were tracked by zombies just near the base. I couldn’t get any further and he carried me straight to the entrance. He could have left as soon as I got hurt. But he didn’t want to leave me behind.”

_We survive together or we do not survive._

“Not like Erwin.”

Levi tenses at the name.

“Where is he now?”

“I don’t know. He kept saying that he waited for hours but it was still packed with zombies and you weren’t coming out. He thought you were dead, so he came back. He wasn’t in good shape when he arrived. I guess guilt does eat you alive.”

Mikasa scoffs.

“You should have seen Eren when Erwin said he was sorry, that he had waited for you, that he didn’t want to leave without you. He punched him in the face, telling him that if he ever tries to hurt you he would kill him himself. He would have cut him to pieces if it wasn’t for your father and Tomas who held him back. Not gonna lie now thinking about it, it’s cute that he was defending your honor.”

Levi frowns. “I didn’t ask him to do that.”

“You might not have wanted it but you got yourself a knight without his shining armor.” She pats his knee. “It’s a good thing. You guys have come a long way.”

Levi worries his bottom lip between his teeth. Her words made him feel warm all over. That feeling is too dangerous.

“I can take care of myself.” He says.

“I know you can. He followed them when they took you to your bed and he refused to move from the room even when Hanji checked up on you.” She continues smiling softly. “He only went out when Erwin came to get his things. He returned immediately after. It felt like he didn’t feel safe until he saw you. He even kept holding onto your arm before sleeping. Which I found slightly weird.”

Levi smiles weakly.

“It’s not weird when that’s what we’ve been doing for a week. Clinging to each other. Zombies are cold, but humans aren’t. We were each the human of the other, the one who reminded the other that he’s not alone.”

“Erwin said it was Eren who had screwed up, you know. When he came back. He said that Eren made a lot of noise.”

Levi shakes his head, split between disbelief and anger.

“Eren could have left Nile as soon as he was bitten, because he knew he was doomed. Instead, he stayed to defend him at the risk of his own life. Did Kenny say what he’s gonna do about this?”

“No. He left just before you woke up, he needed to think, I guess. Release the pressure maybe. The last seven days have been horrible. We were all a mess. We really thought you were—”

“Dead? Not yet, unfortunately for you, you won’t get rid of me that easily.” He says playfully to lighten the mood.

Mikasa rolls her eyes again and lands a jabbing punch to his knee.

“We didn’t see Kenny's shadow for days. Krista switched between tantrums and tears. Losing Eren a second time was... horrible, for her. Armin is—”

Mikasa trails off abruptly, gasping.

“Oh shit! Armin! Oh my God. Armin hasn’t left his room since Erwin came back announcing your death, he doesn’t know you're here.”

Levi’s out of the bed before Mikasa has finished her sentence. He grimaces, gritting his teeth at the pain, but leaves his room anyway limping as fast as he can.

“Levi wait! If Hanji sees you out of the bed she’ll have a stroke on me.”

Levi’s the only real family that Armin has. Well, everyone here is a bit like his family, but Levi really took him under his wing when he arrived here. He was like his little brother. With everything that’s happened he completely forgot.

He pounds on the door as soon as he arrives.

“Stop coming to my room. I don’t want to see anybody.”

He sounds small, fragile, broken.

“Armin, it's me! It's Levi! Open up!”

Several seconds of silence, followed by the sound of something breaking then the lock turning, just before the door opens. A head peaks from behind. As he sees that it's Levi, he gasps.

He looked a mess. Messy hair and bags under her eyes. Trails of tears make a path on a grease-smeared face.

“Oh Armin...”

He falls into his arms crying uncontrollably. Levi winces at the extra weight he has to support on his injured leg but says nothing.

“I thought you were—”

Levi rubs his back as he gasps.

“I’m okay. Eren’s here too. I'm sorry, we came back earlier and I wasn’t feeling well and—”

Armin pulls away to check on him before pulling him back in his arms again.

“It was the worst. He said you were all dead! _You promised not to leave me, don’t forget it_!”

Levi feels tears wetting his shirt. Armin holds onto him like a child and Levi doesn’t let go cradling him as he calms down.

“I'm here.” He says kissing the top of his head. “I'm here. It’s okay. I'm not leaving you, I'm here. I’ won’t go anyway.”

It takes a moment for the youngest to calm down. He finally sniffs and wipes his nose very on his sleeve, before asking:

“Where's Eren?”

Levi takes him by the arm, limping back to his bedroom. The other are already awake when he walk in.

“Levi get back into bed now!” Hanji cries when she sees him.

Eren’s rubbing his eyes, almost falls back when Armin jumps in his arms.

“God! I thought I’d never see you again… Why didn’t you come to see me?”

An expression of immense guilt is painted on Eren's face as he hugs their blond friend against him.

“I'm— I'm sorry, I didn’t— Levi wasn’t feeling well and I fought with Erwin and I didn’t want to leave—”

Eren trails off, but his eyes meet Levi's, who smiles faintly. Eren didn’t want to leave Levi.

“The important thing is that you’re alive.”

Someone gasps behind Levi and he turns to find Petra crying on the mattress.

“Hey, no, that's enough crying, everything is fine.” He sighs kneeling to take her in his arms. “Everything is fine now.”

Hanji joins them on the mattress, then Mikasa, then Armin. Levi manages to extend an arm to Eren, who grabs his hand and strokes his knuckles gently while squeezing Krista, who’s also tearing up, against his side.

_They are home._

**

Erwin's "trial" takes place the next day. He’s sitting in the center, eyes glued to the ground avoiding the glares. Levi and Eren are sitting near Kenny because only they could tell the facts. Levi has insisted that Mary and the children stay in the cafeteria because he didn’t want them to have to go through this again. The children remained under Mama's supervision because Mary wanted to attend the trial.

Levi recounts the beginning of the expedition and the moment when Erwin had left them, Eren the moment he and Nile had been encircled. He told them how Nile was taken by surprise by a horde of zombies who had arrived from the right. It was then that he was bitten. Eren explained that it was there that he had to pull Nile back and start shooting, just when Levi had asked where they were. He narrates the way to the stairs, his fight against the zombies with Nile in his arms. Levi’s grateful for anyone who had taught Eren to fight. He takes over, telling the rest. How they had barricaded themselves in a room and waited for hours, only to discover that Erwin had gone without them, taking away from Nile the only hope he had left to say goodbye to those he loved.

Kenny asks Erwin what he has to say for his defense.

“I was afraid. I admit that I ran away. I was wrong I know. I thought there was nothing more to do for Eren and Nile. There were too many zombies. I preferred to leave and prepare the car. I got closer to the entrance and waited for hours, but no one came out of there. I was convinced they were all dead!” His hands are trembling, curling on his knees as he speaks. His voice wavers. “How could I have known that was not the case?”

“By staying with us and fighting you instead of running away. And stop fucking lying you told me specifically that you won’t go back for Eren you fucking—”

Levi’s pulled back down on the chair by Kenny’s hand on his shoulder.

“I'm sorry. I misjudged the situation”

“You… _misjudged_?” He scoffs. “Nile died away from here because of you! We could have brought him back, he could have said goodbye, if you had not acted like a fucking idiot! You didn’t just “misjudge"! You betrayed us! You left us for dead! Eren and I could have died there!”

“And I'm sorry. Truly. I can never say it enough times to express my remorse.”

For once Erwin speaks in a calm tone; Levi feels a strong urge to throw a chair in his face.

“Remorse is not enough.”

Kenny sighs.

“Erwin, what you did there is very serious. I hope you are aware that what you have committed is treason in our community. You put three of us at risk and deprived a dying person and his family of their last moments together. You didn’t act as a teammate, you acted alone, to save your life. Now realize that no one here will ever trust you again. If you want to go out in the open now, you'll have to do it alone, because I will not take the risk of sending someone with you knowing that you can choose to save yourself rather than protect them. You know that's how it works. The other before oneself. Mikasa would die for Levi, Levi would die for Mikasa, Mike would have died for Nile if he had to, Eren was ready to die for Nile, I would die for Tomas. We would all be willing to sacrifice for each other because we are a family, Erwin. You have betrayed this family. I have always been kind to your excesses, but this is no longer a simple tantrum. You almost killed them by your cowardice.”

Kenny's voice is harsh. Erwin’s not winning any compassion from the others. For a moment, Levi felt sorry for him. For a moment, Levi remembers his friend Erwin. The one that didn’t betray him. The one that promised to protect him.

“After listening to the facts, those who have sanctions to offer raise your hand.”

However, that Erwin was long gone and Levi has no empathy for him. Levi raises his hand first. Kenny gives him permission.

“Execution or banishment.”

“ _Levi! Please! Everyone, I’m sorry!”_ Erwin gasps, blanching at the words.

“Shut the fuck up you don’t get a say in this.” It’s Mike who snaps at him. He jumps from his chair making it topple to the ground. Marco and jean hold him back. Levi doesn’t blame him. He has that same itch under his skin, that same urge for revenge. “You don’t talk to him. Don’t think I forgot about you. You deserve to fucking die. I lost my best friend because of you and I would have no remorse sending you to the grave too.”

Loud chatter rises from the crowd. Appreciative murmurs, others hesitant.

“That's out of the question,” says a voice suddenly.

Levi never expected that voice to belong to Eren.

“ _Eren?_ ” Kenny glances at him, surprised.

“I didn’t think you would pronounce a death sentence here. To send him alone outside is equally killing him.”

Levi turns towards him, incredulous.

“Because perhaps that’s not what he did to us? We could have died at any moment the past week.”

“But we’re not. We were together and we are alive, Levi. I think we have lost enough members of this community like that. Blood is not the solution.”

“You do not realize what—”

Eren rolls his eyes and grabbed Levi's wrist, rising from his chair abruptly in front of the whole assembly.

“Excuse us for a second.”

Kenny's eyes follows him as he drags Levi to a nearby hallway. He seems to understand that these two had come a long way since their stay in the cell months ago.

If only he knew.

“Take your time!” Tomas scoffs from their circle. “It's not like we don’t have important matters.”

Eren ignores them leaving the room. Levi jerks away angrily, leaning against the wall.

“What the fuck was that?” He spits, not caring how loud he is. “What is wrong with you?”

“What's wrong with _you_?” Eren retorts in the same tone. “Since when you’re into killing people?”

“ _I’m not— It’s not like that! He left us Eren! We almost died_!”

“ _But we’re not dead!_ We survived! Do you really want to make this messier than it already is? Do you think that solving violence with violence is the right solution?”

“I don’t need your fucking diplomacy right now. That's not what this is all about; it's about justice, about Nile, about me, about what I did, about you! I can’t believe you would even compare what he did to us to what I’m feeling right now.”

Eren sighs, brows furrowed.

“That’s not what I meant… I know that. I know that's why you don’t want Erwin around anymore. Because he deprived Nile of his last moments with Mary and Marcel and because he forced you to do it. And because it haunts you.”

“What are you talk—”

“You sleep talk Levi. You dream about it at night. I know it’s not easy for you.”

Levi looks away. He remembers that voice that sooths him in the middle of the night. Eren who cuddles into him, telling him that everything is okay.

“You can’t send him to death like that, Levi. He was your friend. He is a human being that you knew, that you cared about. You can’t draw a line on everything you know about him, on everything he has done well, and just kill him off. You can’t, Levi, I know you. Or maybe you can for the moment, because you're furious and you're in pain and you're fighting for revenge and justice. But you will calm down eventually. And you will realize that you sent your old friend to death and you have already lost too many people to bear to have this on your conscience.” He gently tips Levi’s chin up with the side of his index finger, meeting his eyes. His voice is soft, slow and gentle. As if talking to a terrified child or a wounded animal. “Erwin is not just another member of this community. And that's why you're so angry. He was your friend, your roommate. He loved you. You trusted him and that's why betrayal hurts so much.”

Standing out here in the open makes Levi feel extremely exposed. He sometimes forgets that he had delivered a lot of himself to Eren over the past few months and that Eren probably knew him well beyond the vast majority of the community.

Levi closes his eyes and rests his forehead on Eren's shoulder.

“I'm tired of fighting, some days.”

“I know. But you don’t have to fight for everything. Let me do it today, okay? You'd regret it if you made choices alone while you're angry. You make bad decisions under anger, you told me yourself.”

It is true. Eren knows that no matter how much Levi wants to kill Erwin now, he knows he’ll regret it one day. Eren knows that Levi is still trying to save everyone, even those who don’t deserve it.

“You know too much.” Levi points out, his eyes still closed.

It’s a dangerous thought that he’s too careless and keeps exposing himself too easily. Maybe because he feels comfortable sharing things with him at night. Maybe it’s his reckless side that always wants to please everyone and has them on his side despite denying it. He doesn’t really know and it scares him.

He sighs straightening up then nod at Eren.

Is this a mistake? Should he stick to his decision or let go? Everything feels so much complicated right now.

“I don’t know how I feel about this. But alright, I’ll go with what you say.”

When they walk back inside HQ the conversation fades into silence. Eren and Levi take their seats under the curious looks of everyone present. Levi folds his arms over his chest and lets Eren speak.

“I don’t think Erwin should be banned or executed. That would be just as condemning him to death and that is not what we want. We think, since obviously he doesn’t care much about members of this community, we condemn him to isolation. He should be sentenced to live in one of the cells and should not be allowed to eat at the same hours as others, or to attend base events or meetings. Nor should he have the right to communicate with other members of the base in any way. And that until you judge that he suffered his punishment long enough.”

Everyone seems surprised by the proposal.

“What? So, we feed him while he stays on his ass all day. This is your idea?” Mike grits his teeth in anger, inhaling sharply. “No!”

“Since when Eren gets a say in this?” Mina glares.

“Since he’s a more loyal member than your stupid friend.” Armin shoots back surprising everyone. “Eren is part of this community and his opinion matters just like yours.”

Kenny nods pensive. After all nobody would die but Erwin would be punished for what he did.

“I find this convenient, Eren. You said _we_ , should I conclude that Levi agrees with you?”

Eren spoke for both of them but that didn’t bother Levi, he already knew he would. On the other hand, Levi silently letting someone speak for him, is unheard of. It’s surprising for the others because Levi is never silent when he has something to say. Levi can already see their curious glances between Eren and him.

Levi doesn’t say anything and Eren nudges him discretely on his side. “I am,” He says. He’s not really but maybe this time he should let someone else make this decision for him.

Kenny nods. If he’s surprised, he doesn’t show it.

“Alright let’s vote in that case, unless someone else has something to say?”

Mary proposes execution. Levi can’t blame her. Fortunately, for Erwin, that proposal didn’t win the vote. Eren’s solution got the majority. Only Connie, Mina and Lynne voted against it.

Erwin is pale and trembling on his seat. Levi refrains from having pity on him. He doesn’t deserve it.

“Erwin, we condemn you today to isolation. You are prohibited from contacting other members of this community in any way and anyone who disobeys this order will be liable to consequences.” Kenny’s gaze shifts on Connie before he continues. “We will give you your meal times and the hours at which you will be able to have access to the showers. Today, Erwin, you become a ghost. You are as dead to us as you were to those you abandoned during this expedition.”

Kenny had never shown the extent of his anger. Until now, until the sharp intonation that took his voice on his last words. Erwin is taken away to his cell. Eren pats Levi’s knee giving him a small hesitant smile. Levi rolls his eyes but doesn’t say anything.

“I’m proud of you.” Is all Eren says, low and gentle just for him to hear. And maybe it made Levi feel some type of way but stubborn as he is, he mutters under his breath looking away.

_Whatever._

**

The euphoria of their reunion is over and Levi can’t stop thinking about the meeting. He has so many questions that he’s not ready to ask Erwin. His friends have all spent the night in his room. Too small to fit all of them but they didn’t want to leave him alone. His room had never been this busy before. This room holds so many memories. Good and bad. The bad seemingly more dominant. Screaming, fighting, and breaking things. Jealousy, anger recklessness all stretched around these walls.

He stares at his dinner absentmindedly. His stomach shifts uneasily. Even the smell of it makes him nauseous. He puts the plate away. All he wants to know is why Erwin did this. After everything, why did he do that? He still doesn’t understand. Didn’t he say he loved him? Did he also change him mind? Isn’t that what Levi wanted from the start? Why did he let Eren stop him? Why does he know too much? How did he let that happen?

He feels like he made a mistake. He hated how Erwin always tried making decisions for him and here he is letting Eren do it. Is the cycle happening all over again? Too many things race into his mind at once.

He hates how he’s feeling unnecessarily irritable by his friends. Their chatter should be comforting but it only causes him a headache. He can’t even think straight from the noise they make. He can almost hear their lips smack as they eat, Eren’s foot dangling from the bedside, the cutlery clinking against their plates, their laughter, the rustling of the sheets. Everything makes him want to rip his hair off. He feels himself getting agitated, hoping it’d go away. Everything is going wrong; he could feel himself about to burst.

“ _Oh by the way!”_

Levi flinches at the loud voice. He doesn’t realize he’s gnawing on the inside of his cheek until he tastes blood in his mouth. His fingers are digging tightly around his blanket. He inhales deeply, forcibly flattening his hands, trying to relax.

“I got what you wanted from the expedition.” Eren says as he pulls his backpack on the bed fishing out the product. When Levi went through his bag, he remembers seeing it in there.

“At least we got something from this mess.” Krista jokes clapping her hands excitedly. “I could kiss you right now.”

“Really?” Levi doesn’t know why but everything about their presence in his room makes his skin crawl. He appreciates them staying with him but this is too much. And somehow Krista’s words are the cherry on top of the cake.

“Are you okay? You don’t look so good…”

He couldn’t get himself to shrug it off, couldn’t get himself to lie, couldn’t force himself to put on a smile, not this time. He couldn’t make up some silly excuse, cause in this moment it didn’t feel right. So he does the only thing he can, the only thing he knows how to do. He lashes out.

It’s the first time that Levi has ever ignored Mikasa. He doesn’t trust himself to answer. Not without punching someone in the face.

Instead, he looks at Krista. He can see the guilt plainly on her face, but she does not flinch, or let Eren serve as a shield from the venomous glare that Levi gives her.

“At least we got something? This is what matters right?”

Her mouth falls open as if to explain, but then she shakes her head.

Levi’s jaw clenches. “Right. Glad to know that us almost dying isn’t enough for you. You needed a fucking product to be happy about us coming back.”

“That’s not what she meant.” Eren glances at him confused by his reaction. And He knows, he really does know, that she didn’t mean that. But he still can’t stop himself for snapping.

“Of course. I’m sorry did I overstep? Should I bring Erwin here as well since you like to play lawyers for everyone today? I mean you did fucking defend him, giving me crap about morality and trauma as if you know a thing about how I feel.”

Mikasa frowns. “Levi, that’s not fair.”

A smaller and softer part of Levi knows that they care, knows that they are sorry, knows that in some fucked up way when he gets frustrated at himself he takes it out on others. Then when he thinks about what he had done, he would feel so guilty. But he doesn’t have time to listen to the softer parts of himself. Soft people do stupid things, like willingly sacrificing themselves for the greater good, dying and leaving him alone.

“You know what? You’re right, Mikasa It isn’t fair. Thank you, for pointing out the obvious. Tell me something new. It isn't fair that we were born into an apocalypse. It isn't fair that people keep dying. That Nile just died. That we were abandoned in the middle of nowhere by one of ours. It’s not fair that Erwin gets to live and be fed and protected while we work for it and all because of you, Mr. know-It-all.” He points at Eren. “It's not fair that our community and a hope for a cure lays on the shoulders of washed up doctors who hardly know what they're doing half of the time.” The words spill out of his mouth, hot and angry. “So yeah, none of this is _fair_ , Mikasa.” Mikasa's face remains stoic as ever, Hanji's eyes are downcast. Krista won’t look at him either, her chin now trembling. Armin is frozen, staring at him wide eyed. “We’re fighting a losing battle out there and that's not fucking fair.”

It’s supposed to feel good when he lashes out but it doesn’t. Especially when these people he hurt with his words are his friends. These people are doing their best in this shitty situation. These people that go out of their way to cheer him up. It’s not fair for them to get this treatment just because he’s a little baby having a tantrum out of nowhere.

Nobody says a word. The whoosh of the air filtering system is the only sound in the room. Levi can’t stand their sorry expressions anymore. He regrets his words instantly. “I’m tired.” He sighs, wishing he had the decency to apologize.

“Levi, let’s talk about this—”

“I think you should all go back to your rooms tonight.”

He doesn’t apologize, because he’s an asshole who ruins everything. Because his friends pity him so much that nobody even felt the need to say something back. They’re just disappointed. He doesn’t watch them leave as he pulls the covers over his head. He just feels the mattress weight shifting, hears them moving around for a while, hears shuffling, clinking, and hushed voices. Then the doors closes and the lights flicker off.

He knows he won’t get a wink of sleep tonight. Levi is accustomed to his insomnia, it’s not new to him but it’s different when he’s stressed. He stares at the ceiling through the night as hours go by. The slightest noise makes him jump. He knows he’s safe. At least he should know that. But his mind keeps playing trick on him, filtering out the sight of shadows in the darkness of his room.

It just gets so messy in his head sometimes and there’s no way to escape it. It’s like he’s a prisoner in his own mind. He keeps beating himself up until he feels so small. He lays there feeling sorry for himself, with thoughts that burden his mind, keep him up at night, make him realize that no matter how hard he tries it's not enough. It'll never be enough. Keeps reminding him of things he should have done better.

Maybe then people wouldn’t have died. Maybe then, his parents wouldn’t have left. Maybe then, he wouldn’t have pulled the trigger. Maybe then, Erwin would care enough to not betray him. Maybe then, he wouldn’t feel pathetically sorry for himself. Maybe then, he wouldn’t be ruining things for everyone.

Because all he does is put up a strong face, while in fact he’s weak, emotional and fragile. All you need to do is ask him the right questions and it’ll all come pouring out. So he tries to shelter that part of himself, hide it and protect it.

The air filtering system has been off and the silence is so loud it overwhelms me. He curls up on the bed, hissing at the pain from his foot, tightening the blanket around himself. He screws his eyes shut against the tears, biting into his lips. It’s going to be okay he just needs to sleep it off.

Didn’t he want silence? Didn’t he want to be left to his own devices? Didn’t he want to be alone?

Then why is he hanging by a thread, barely holding himself together, curled around the pillow, trying not to fall apart?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The drama never ends in this house lmao  
> I'm curious do you think what Erwin did was wrong? Do you think Levi made a mistake believing in Eren's decision? Do you think Levi was overacting or do you think he was right to want banishment/prosecution? and if you were in Erwin's shoes how do you think you would have reacted?  
> I hope y'all enjoy this chapter! My fragile ass goes back to read your comments every time I feel down so thank you <3 <3 Have a lovely day/night wherever you are in the world :D


	26. A dreadful  realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In moments of realization you have a choice to make either you let regret consume you or rectify your mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Daughter - Run](https://youtu.be/psiILfa-G1c)  
> [Daughter - Landfill](https://youtu.be/Gnf2J-V_OWA)  
> [Daughter - Smother](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDZaiM8oAOU)  
> [Norman Dück- Detroit: Become Human ](https://youtu.be/rlYajM8hjwI) (D:HB has such an amazing soundtrack)  
>  tw: Mild Physical/emotional abuse

Kenny is having a hard time letting Levi out of his sight for several days. Levi doesn’t go out to hunt anymore. He spends his time avoiding everyone and acting like everything is absolutely fine, that nothing’s happened. What he notices however is Eren’s casual glances at him as if he’s watching out for him.

He keeps following him everywhere thinking he’s discreet about it but Levi sees him. It only makes his guilt fester more. Eren is always there around him but not really in his space. He’s there wordlessly giving him more of his food to eat. He’s there with a helping hand when something is too heavy for Levi to carry with his injured leg. He’s there in the background making sure Levi doesn’t get into trouble.

He doesn’t know how to go about it from that point. How to approach? How to apologize? He’s just ready to fight with anyone who so much as offers it, just to let off steam, but the offer doesn’t come. Nobody wants to play into his games. He can’t even workout or hunt because of his leg. Which leaves him bored and moody.

Erwin had been locked up. This caused a lot of tension in the community, especially among Erwin’s friends. But considering the other punishment, isolation is considered the best solution. Lynne still throws snarky remarks whenever she sees him about how much of a spoiled brat he is. It only leads to broken glass and loud threats.

Kenny drags him to his office trying to understand _what the hell is wrong with you to act like this?_

Then lectures him about respecting his elders and that he doesn’t want to hear things like “I’m providing food for you.”

“I’m not lying.”

“You’re not the only one. Everyone has a role in keeping this community working. It’s true that they’re not of the same value but that doesn’t mean you’re better. I did not expect such behavior from you.”

Levi knows that.

“Fine. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want your apologies Levi. I want you to understand what I’m saying. I don’t want empty words I want you to work on them. I want to know what’s going on with you. Is this about Erwin? We talked about this.”

Kenny sighs, tiredly, when Levi doesn’t answer. “You know you can tell me anything right?”

“I know.”

Levi keeps his lips pursed, avoiding Kenny’s gaze. There’s nothing to say. He’s just angry at everyone and everything. You’re bound to go crazy living in a world like this. Kenny shakes his head and finally tells him he can leave.

Armin keeps nagging on him to _just simply apologize_. He told him that he missed having his friends all together especially after almost losing him.

_“Don’t you always say that life is too short? Well it’s too fucking short to play your drama queen right now. I know you’re stressed and everything but you have to understand that you can’t just do that and expect everything to work out okay? Just apologize.”_

And Levi knows he should do it. He wants to do it. _It’s just not easy okay?_

He stomps into Hanji and Mikasa’s room with barely a wink of sleep. It takes a few seconds after he’s knocked for Hanji to open the door, blinking sleepily at him, with her flashlight in hand.

“Levi—” She reaches for her robe, tightening the knot. “It’s late. Is everything alright? Do you feel sick?”

“No. I’m fine,” Levi says, suddenly feeling awkward. He takes a deep breath. “I— Uh, that’s not why I’m here.”

Hanji frowns in confusion. There’s an awkward moment as they stand there, “Do you… want to come in?” He suddenly feels like an asshole for barging in so late at night. He hears a hushed voice from inside and Hanji telling Mikasa that it’s just Levi.

“Uh, yeah sure.”

She opens the door wider for him and he hesitantly walks inside. Mikasa rolls over to glance at him over her shoulder. Levi sees her relax when she realizes that he’s fine. He feels like an asshole without her even saying a word. He hovers awkwardly before Hanji points at the chair. The flashlight pointed at the ceiling is the only light in the room.

It reminds Levi of a softer time when he was young and everything felt simpler. A time where he would make a fluffy den with pillows and blankets and Nile would read him a story with a flashlight pointed at his face for dramatic effect. Nile would no longer be able to do that with his son.

“I’m sorry.” Levi blurts out, feeling oddly exposed under their gazes. “I shouldn’t have said the things I did. I was angry, and scared, and I reacted badly. I’m an asshole who yells at people who don’t deserve it when something is wrong. And I’m sorry.”

Mikasa frowns, like she’s not quite sure how to respond. Hanji is looking at him with that quiet understanding she always had.

“When you feel like that…” Hanji says leaning back on the bed. “It’s better to talk about it and exorcise those emotions than keep them inside. I’m not gonna lie. What you said hurt me and I’m glad you realize your mistake and you’re apologizing.”

Levi bites his bottom lip, his hands curl over his knees, eyes downcast.

“I’m really sorry. You know I love you guys and I always take you for granted. I don’t really think about what I say… I just” _Try to make you hurt because I’m hurt and that’s fucked up I know—_ He sighs heavily. “I really love you and I’m so sorry.”

“We know.” Mikasa says softly. “We love you too but… you can’t just expect to do this all the time and get away with it.”

“I know. I’ll try harder.”

“Also… Next time please apologize in the morning. What If we were busy or something?”

Levi looks up at her, with comically wide eyes. It’s nervous, awkward and it’s not even funny but they burst out laughing. And It feels good.

“As if one crazy wasn’t enough for me, now I have two.” Hanji mumbles shaking her head at their behavior, but still smiling. “Come here.” She pats the spot between her and Mikasa. “You look like shit by the way, are you sure you’re okay?”

Levi doesn’t waste another second, flopping between them.

“I’m fine.”

Even if the bed is too small for all of them and even if Hanji complains about being tired and wanting to sleep, they don’t kick him out. Because they’re family and they make it work.

Levi is not alone.

**

Levi finds Mike in the cafeteria one night as he was on the way to HQ to sleep on his couch. Something he has been doing every night for a week now. He was hunched over the bar, with a drink in his hand. The Alcohol made by Kitz and Mama that’s kept for special occasions. His long blond hair hiding his face as he sleeps, face squished against the marble.

Levi wakes him up by gently tapping his shoulder. He knows what Mike is going through. When Furlan died months ago, he also drowned in alcohol for the first few months. He carries him inside the kitchen.

“It'll be okay,” Mike whispers, splashing his face with water. “We lose people all the time, it’ll be okay.”

Levi doesn’t know who’s Mike trying to convince, Levi or himself. He doesn’t say anything as he rubs his back.

Mike wipes his eyes.

“Fuck. Levi never let Mikasa go alone. Never. Because if something happens to her when you're not there to protect her... you'll feel guilty for the rest of your life.”

“You were bedridden with the flu, Mike. If anyone is to blame here, it's me.”

Mike shakes his head.

“You wanted this remedy. We would all have made the same decision. No, the only person to blame is Erwin. I wish he had died in Nile's place.”

_Me too._

Mike staggers halfway but refuses to let Levi help him back to his room.

“I'll go for a walk first. I don’t want Marco to see me in this state.”

Marco is like his little brother. He can’t go back to their room looking like that. Marco’s already worried as it is. Mike had almost reached the exit of the cafeteria when he stops again.

“I just— thank you for going back. You are his family, too. I'm glad he didn’t die alone.”

 

**

Levi begins to feel the absence of Nile and Erwin by little things. It was Nile's laughter through the cafeteria. It was Erwin dancing with him in the middle of HQ when Levi raises the sound of the music. Nile was dead and Erwin is a ghost.

Levi tries to deny those feelings. He doesn’t miss Erwin he just misses having someone by his side.

Levi feels restless, hours stretch into days with nothing to do. The more time goes by - the more he feels trapped. Silently going through his everyday tasks but on the inside he’s screaming to break out. All they seem to do in the community is the same exact, mind-numbing thing every single day.

He’s scared he’s going to end up like everyone else in this place and it’s slowly driving him insane. He knows it’s short lived moment, because the minute he completely heals, he can go back outside. So he does whatever he can to fill his time. He tends to overthink when he has nothing to do. Which is why he’s on his hands and knees, cleaning his room.

Erwin used to tell him how weird he was for obsessing about cleaning. To Levi it wasn’t obsession, it wasn’t weird. They have lived outside as nomads for as long as he can remember, always on the move, they have been through mission where they were drenched in filth and contaminated blood. Levi likes to keep his surroundings clean and tidy. It reminds him that those days are gone, that this is his home now. It makes him feel good to be somewhere clean.

So he scrubs floors and surfaces until his shoulders burn with it, until his hands begin to blister and sting, letting the stress and anger strip off his body. Cleans until every trace and smell of Erwin is gone completely. The door is open and everyone who passes by peers at him curiously, as he’s flipping the mattress, throwing clothes in boxes along with random objects that doesn’t belong in this room anymore.

Being locked up in a room full of traces of the past doesn’t help.

He sees movement by the door and he’s expecting Mikasa or Hanji or anyone of his friends. He’s surprised to see Eren, leaning on the door frame. Unlike all the people he’s expecting, Eren doesn’t look angry or disappointed. He just quietly looks at him as he works in a way that suggests nothing, and somehow, makes him feel infinitely guiltier for it.

“Do you need something?” He doesn’t raise his eyes from where he’s cleaning off a stain as he asks, brows furrowed in concentration. His heart gives a great big kick anyhow. It’s the most interaction they’ve had in days other than Levi running away whenever he approaches.

“How long are you going to keep this up?”

Levi makes a slow circle over the stain, grips the cloth tightly. “Keep what up?”

“This!” Eren steps inside the room. “You won’t even look at me!”

Levi sighs, glancing at him, impassively. “Here. Anything else?”

“Levi, please.” For a second he sounds worn out.

Erwin’s words suddenly come back to him. He’s a handful, nobody really wants him but Erwin. Nobody can handle him like Erwin. And he’s right. He always fucks things up. He’s a wild untamed thing.

Wild things aren’t loved. Wild things are beaten into submission.

Levi remembers the heavy feeling on his chest when he realized Erwin’s words. He really is not made for this Love thing. It’s better that way because he doesn’t want it.

“I understand that you’re mad but I don’t understand why you’re ignoring me specifically. It’s not like I forced you to comply. I gave you a choice and you took it.”

“What do you want Eren? I’m not mad at you if that’s why you’re here for. You can rest assured.”

“No that’s not why–”

“Then what? Thank you?” Levi spits. “Forget it.”

“No! I just want to talk about it.”

Levi grips the rag so tight his fingers cramp and shake. “Leave me alone Eren.”

“You know what? No.” He steps closer, gesticulating wildly, in anger. “How about _‘hey Eren I’m going through some shit and I need some time to sort it out?’._ You got anything like that for me Levi? Or are you just going to push me away?”

He scoffs, shaking his head when Levi doesn’t answer, forcefully wiping at the floor. “I won’t leave you alone, not until you talk to me. You don’t just get to decide to end this on your own.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Levi lashes out, throwing the rag away. “There’s nothing for me to tell you.” He pushes himself to his feet, wincing slightly when the pressure falls on his injured leg. “I don’t even understand what the fuck you want from me. Why do you keep following me around? Why are you here?”

Levi waits for accusation and blaming that never comes.

“Because I care about you.” He shouts, looking directly at Levi. He sighs, trying to calm down. He runs his fingers through his hair, pacing around. “You sure are dense sometimes.” It comes out lower this time, more collected.

_Make him leave. Don’t listen. He’ll hurt you. Don’t trust him._

Levi stares, trying to look as blank as possible. Trying to hide the way he feels from hearing those words. “Get out.”

“I won’t. I don’t know how you do it, but I can’t just go back to day one, where you didn’t exist for me okay? I care about you enough to try and work this out. Even if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore at least talk to me. Give me something, anything, a reason to walk away because I don’t want to.”

The more he tries to deny Eren’s words, the more those words eat at him. The more his carefully crafted façade begins to quietly fall apart.

He can feel himself getting worked up. “You have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about.”

That’s also what _he_ said. _I care about you Levi. Let me take care of you Levi._

That’s also what he did to gain Levi’s trust. Sneaking up on him with caring words, showing him the gentle, good side. Showering him with love and affection. And Levi believed it. Levi allowed himself to feel it, because he’s selfish and needy.

“—We both know that we can’t go back to step one. I can’t just end it like this.” Eren prattles on. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel towards you anymore but I don’t want to stay away.”

He wants to be mad, _oh how Levi wishes_ he could work up the energy to reject him at this moment. Protect that small yearning side of him that begs for this. But at the same time, Levi’s not sure he’s going to have any room for that emotion at all.

He doesn’t know what to say to that. He keeps falling back in the same trap. He never learns and always ends up hurting and alone. But Eren is here, he’s asking for something, wanting something. Levi is not sure if he can give it to him or if he has that at all.

“I’m here because I miss you so fucking much—”

“Shut up.” He steps towards him. “Please just go.”

_Don’t make me want things that I’m not allowed to have._

“— and I don’t know how the fuck am I supposed to get over it and be nonchalant like you. So I’m here and I won’t go anywhere like this.”

 _You’re too trusting._ Erwin once told him. _You’re gonna end up fooled by people but it’s okay I’ll watch over you. You can trust me and only me. I’ll never betray you._ He smiled while he said it. Smiled while he lied to his face.

“Shut up!” He just knows that he’s got to get Eren to stop talking, because Levi is not strong enough to reject him right now. “I have nothing to say to you.” They both know he’s lying. He does have so much to say. He just can’t right now.

Levi has been avoiding him and running away but now there’s simply nowhere left to run. Because the fact is, Levi doesn’t want to run. The fact is Levi is tired of running. But Levi is also scared. Levi is terrified.

“No. I won’t. I understand that you’re mad. I understand that what happened is a big deal to you. I understand that Nile was your family and in a sense, Erwin was too. But I was there with you, you know. I almost died. I almost lost you too and now that we’re here, we’re safe, you cut me out with no explanation.”

“You can’t just say shit like that.” Levi whispers.

Levi’s heart is slamming against his ribs. It hits him like a ton of bricks, he’s scared but he doesn’t want to run. Parts of him scream that he shouldn’t be here because _; He’ll be just like him. He’ll do just like he did._ His other half, the softer part that always gets him into trouble, thinks that Eren’s different. Eren didn’t say _it’s your fault,_ Eren said _I understand._

He’s so close, Levi only has to take one step and he’d be in his arms. He doesn’t but Eren does.

Levi doesn’t move, doesn’t breath, too anxious to even function. He bites his lip as he looks down. Is he doing the right thing? By letting go to his emotions, is he jumping in head first?

“Don’t shut me out. Please—”

Levi shuts off all other instincts instead, with a _fuck it_ , and kisses him. There's a knot tightening in his stomach, he’s scared that he’s making a big mistake. But he kisses him and tries to push the voice out of his head. It seems to do the trick. Everything is quiet when their lips meet, save for Eren’s breath hitching.

Levi curses humanity for needing oxygen because he doesn’t want to pull away. Eren breaks the kiss off first, leaving only millimeters between their lips.

 _Please. Please. Please._ He doesn’t even know what he’s begging for, _leave_ or _don’t leave._

“Levi…” Eren breaths against his mouth. The sound of his name on Eren’s lips sends shivers up his spine. It hasn’t been so long since he talked to him, touched him but it feels like ages.

Eren’s face softens. He cups Levi’s face, leans down, sealing their lips in lazy, tender exploration. Levi feels heat in his face and knows that color must be flooding his cheeks.

Then he seemed to get a hold of his emotions and pulls away, resting his forehead against Levi’s. He’s breathing heavy, like he’s trying to catch his breath. “Will you tell me what’s wrong at least?” Levi screws his eyes shut tightly, biting his lips until he tastes blood.

Eren sighs and pulls him in a hug, resting his head on Levi’s. He holds him in silence, waiting for Levi to cry it out and recompose himself. Waiting for him to do something, anything. Levi embraces him tightly as if he could hold on tight enough to keep him from ever leaving again.

“It’s going to be okay.” Eren whispers. “It’s okay.” He gently runs his hand over Levi’s back soothing.

He realizes after a moment that he’s holding onto him a bit too tight. “The door.” He mumbles pulling away. He doesn’t even recognize his own voice anymore. His resolve is already gone and he’s turned into this pathetic, weak and dependent of others. He doesn’t even have the power to reject him. He doesn’t even want to.

Eren closes the door softly behind him as Levi sits on the edge of the unmade bed. He looks around at the mess that he needs to clean, licks his tingling lips that Eren just kissed.

“Does it still hurt?” Eren takes a seat beside him, their knees bumping. “Your leg I mean.”

“Only a little bit. When I put too much pressure on it.” Levi is too aware of Eren’s proximity, of the heat seeping from him. His hand curls around the sheets to stop himself from reaching. But it’s a futile effort. 

Eren smells like that same pungent minty soap that all of them use in the shower. The corner of his lips are slowly pulling into that stupid soft smile and Levi leans and kisses it.

“I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know if this is a good idea. I don’t know anything.” He seals the confession onto Eren’s mouth, once, twice, a hundred times, his hand on the side of Eren’s face. He can’t even think straight anymore, he’s all jumbled emotions and want, no plans. But he feels like it’s a good step to tell him that. Just so he won’t expect anything from Levi.

“I don’t know anything either. All I know is that I want this, I like this.” The sincerity and rawness of his voice holds Levi still, so very still, as Eren leans into him and shows him exactly what ‘ _this_ ’ is. He tips Levi’s chin up once more and gently presses his mouth to the vulnerable skin on the underside of Levi’s jaw. Levi screws his eyes shut, suddenly feels like crying for some reason.

_It’s okay, this is okay, this is Eren not someone else. There’s no scheme behind this kiss._

Levi lets himself be pliantly maneuvered in his arms, toppling backwards on the bed.

The sensation of Eren’s butterfly kisses and his warmth turning his icy bones into goo. Levi could literally do this all day and not get bored.

“Where do we go from here?” He asks.

“Don’t think too much about it, just let things flow. And whatever happens, happens.”

And Levi is content with that. No pressure. He forces that frantic fear down, they have all the time in the world. Levi likes it like this. He doesn’t know what the fuck he even did to deserve it, but he doesn’t dare question it. He only kisses with eyes closed and wonders if Eren can feel his heart beating through his shirt.

When Levi opens them, Eren is still here. The wild thumping of his heart begins to slow. They’ve stopped kissing by now, but Eren is still close, still has an arm around Levi, still knees touching, legs tangled, lips pressed to the crown of Levi’s head, fingers threaded into his hair. Levi leans into the heat, into Eren, feeling too good to worry if it seems like he’s starving for that contact, because he truly is.

He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t move. He just breaths him in, shivers when Eren’s fingers lightly trail over his wrist.

_This is nice._

“For the record, we still need to talk about this.” Eren whispers gently as if scared the bubble could jostle and pop

Levi hums. “This is unnecessarily complicated.”

He doesn’t have the energy to talk about anything right now. He just wants to be stitched back together. Wants Eren to fill a void he didn’t realize ever existed. Eren is here in his space and it doesn’t feel oppressive. He doesn’t feel trapped. He doesn’t feel something heavy on his chest. He feels warm, soft, melting into the touch.

_It’s okay. This is okay._

He breathes him in. Allows himself to relax in his arms.

“So are we good?”

He hums again.

It makes Eren smile. “This seems like a hassle. I can clean with you if you want.”

“I could use an extra hand. Yeah.” Levi mumbles against his skin.

_Whatever happens, happens._

Levi feels lighter than he had been the past days. Eren is here, in his room, on his bed, holding him and it feels _so fucking_ good.

**

Few days later, Levi finds himself wandering towards a hallway that he’s not supposed to go to. It’s dark on the other end as it’s not used by anyone. Now Erwin is there and Levi has no idea why he’s standing here. It’s night time so no one is here. His heart is beating insanely fast. He’s scared but he doesn’t know why. He takes one step then jumps back as he hears the clinking of keys. He freezes in his spot when he see a light.

Did Erwin manage to get out? Is there someone else?

He didn’t get time to dwell more as the person came closer. Connie. The other stops as soon as he sees him, eyes wide. Levi makes the connection immediately.

“You don’t have the right to see him, Connie.” He realizes how hypocritical he sounds. He’s here for the same reason he’s blaming Connie for. “He was locked up for a reason. He was sentenced and you’re not allowed to—”

“And what will you do about it? Lock me up as well, Mister I’m-the-leader’s son-I-do-whatever-I-want? Don’t make me laugh. It's your fault if we’re in this situation.”

Levi grits his teeth trying not to snap.

“He put himself in this situation. Not me. He left us to die there, if you can’t see what’s wrong with that, maybe you need—”

“He waited for you. He was afraid. He thought you were dead. It's not fair that—”

“Don’t you dare make excuses when you weren’t even there.”

“Why are you here then? Tell me why you are in a whole different section of the base late at night.” He steps closer.

“It’s definitely for the same reason. I’m not here to keep him company.”

“You’re such a fucking hypocrite. I hate your guts. Everything is always your fault. You took away my friend because of your stupid plans and missions.” He’s up in Levi’s face, pressing his finger into Levi’s chest aggressively. “I’m not scared of you.”

Levi forcibly twist the arm away. “I have never actively done anything to harm you but trust me I won’t let this go if you dare go there again.” He warns, holding his gaze as Connie squirms from his tight hold.

“Fuck you.” He spits when Levi lets him go. Levi doesn’t wait longer as he stomps away, fists clenched in anger.

If he listens to any more of that bullshit, he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to control himself. He needs to calm down. He walks around the whole base back and forth, until his leg protests.

Nobody understands why he’s so furious about it. Levi trusted Erwin, despite everything that happened between them, he gave him multiple chances. He gave him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he would change. He knew Erwin had no one but him and he cared about him. He didn’t want him to be alone and miserable.

So he kept quiet about everything. If he really was someone who does whatever he wanted he would have told Kenny and things wouldn’t have been the same. But he didn’t, because he cared about him so much. Even if he acted cold and distant towards him. It’s the only thing that he could control in their relationship.

When Levi first saw Erwin for the first time, he thought that he was very handsome. Levi was young at the time, sixteen, at the cusp of seventeen. Their community was bigger back then and there were a lot of people but he somehow stood out to Levi. Erwin was sitting around the table with his friends then leaned back, with a huge smile on his face and Levi couldn’t take his eyes off of him for a few seconds.

He had an aura around him that screamed charisma and Levi loved that a lot. At the time, they weren’t really close but Levi still snuck peeks at him when he thought nobody was looking. It started when Erwin made the first move to talk to him. It started with a cute boyish smile and a conversation.

_Levi was laying around on the grass enjoying the sun when a figure stepped closer. It was a hot day and Levi wanted to take advantage of the heat. Levi blinked, annoyed at the intrusion and looked up to find that gorgeous guy. Levi raised an eyebrow inquiring and the guy grinned, his marble blue eyes crinkling, blonde hair glinting under the sun. He was wearing an unbuttoned shirt with its sleeves rolled up, sweat formed on his suntanned forearm._

_“Mind if I join you?”_

_Levi couldn’t help but stare. He was just so beautiful and muscular and tall… and he was speaking and Levi hasn’t responded yet. He nodded, mouth going dry, pretending to look away. Not that he liked him or whatever he was just nice to look at with his chiseled body and that bone structure and—_

_“I always see you around but never really talked to you. I’m Erwin by the way.”_

_Levi felt a bit smug—Okay, a lot smug— that he wasn’t the only one checking him out. And he knew it with the way he looked at him that this boy swings that way. It didn’t take that much for them to end up making out behind a tree only to be interrupted by a contaminated jumping out of nowhere._

Levi liked him a lot and why wouldn’t he? He carried himself proudly with confidence oozing out of him. Looking back at it now, Levi realized that he was a little too self-centered from the start but he mistook it as a charming trait.

At first, Levi started playing hard to get enjoying the thrill of having someone want him. It was a weird, different feeling and it made him excited. He liked playing and teasing, testing his limits. Showing him what he can have and ultimately making him work for it, beg for it. Erwin seemed to like it as he was willingly playing along.

The sex was great. It was so good, mind blowing if Levi might say. But that was just it. People come and go and they had multiple partners along the way, they weren’t together, and it was fine. They had agreed that what they have isn’t a relationship of that sort. Levi insisted that he didn’t want to commit to anyone and that they can do whatever they want.

Erwin agreed for the most part he never commented on anything. He would get passive aggressive but Levi paid it no mind. And he should have, his words shaming Levi for being sexually active should have been a red flag. But Levi was stupid, he wanted to play, he wanted the drama. It was something that allowed him to feel a live in this dull world. He should have known that if you play with fire you’re _bound_ to get burned.

Things progressed when they became roommates under Erwin’s suggestion. Levi got closer to him, learned more about him, revealed himself to Erwin. He realized that maybe it’s not just because they’re having sex, he truly cares about him. In the sense that he took care of him when he was sick, he worried when he comes late, he gave him multiple massages when he was tired, cleaned up after him. And he felt good about himself with him. He felt safe, he felt loved, in the sense that Erwin spoiled him, with kisses and hugs and affection. And Levi got used to it. Became addicted to the feeling of approval and warmth from Erwin’s part. He wanted to please him, wanted Erwin to tell him how good he was. Levi felt worthy when people needed him and depended on him. Erwin knew that and he took advantage of it.

He never imagined things would go downhill after that.

Things got more complicated. It was subtle comments and stupid fights. Arguments sparked by jealousy, anger and frustration.

_“So what did he tell you?” Erwin said one night after a community event._

_Levi was distracted folding his clean laundry on the bed. “Huh?”_

_“Furlan I mean. Earlier, what did he say?”_

_“Oh nothing.” Levi smiled._

Furlan brought up and old conversation he had with Levi. The one where Levi asked him to be his first kiss if he still didn’t get any by the time he turned sixteen. It was ridiculous and Levi was so embarrassed by it. Furlan didn’t mind he just enjoyed making Levi cringe.

_“Didn't seem like nothing to me.”_

_Levi paused, surprised by the tone._

_“Excuse me?”_

_“You seemed to enjoy it. Laughing and shit. So I was wandering what's so funny that had you acting like that.”_

It was a stupid argument, Levi didn’t even know what to say against Erwin snapping. He was just confused.

But it wasn’t the last time it was just the first. It was mean comments here and there about his appearance and his behavior in general. Levi has never been the sensitive type, or so he believed. But he felt that the way Erwin said it, was different from the harmless jokes he receives from his friends. Erwin insisted that _it’s just a joke_ and he should _chill out_ and so he did. Levi didn’t really care. He thought that it was nothing that sex couldn’t fix. He was wrong and learned it the hard way.

_“What did you do today?” Levi tried for small talk. He doesn't like the tense atmosphere in the air. Erwin taped his fingers against his thighs, chewing on his lips. He looked like a mess and Levi felt bad for him._

_“Nothing. What do we even have to do in this shit hole but rot between these walls?”_

_Levi doesn't say anything for a second removing his boots. Erwin had been cold and snappy since his father’s death. He doesn’t even know why he started acting differently. He wasn’t in a good relationship with his father anyway, and from what Erwin used to tell him, his father wasn’t a good man either. Levi tried to be nice and patient but being treated like shit isn’t something he can keep up with._

_“Alright. You don't have to be aggressive about it.”_

_“Oh I'm aggressive now? That's new. If you don't want to listen to me, then just don't fucking ask. It's simple isn't it?”_

_Levi frowned glancing at him for a second._

_“Are you picking up a fight from nothing? They’re having a gathering right now at HQ, don’t ruin it. Please, just drop this and let’s go and have some fun.” Levi sighs already feeling worn out._

_“You're the one who's calling me aggressive out of nowhere. I'm here losing my mind waiting for you while all you do is hang out with Furlan and your other friends.” The way he said that should have alerted Levi about his anger and frustration but at the time, it didn’t. He was just confused._

_“What? I came in here the minute I got home. Besides nobody is stopping you from hanging out with us. Don't blame it on me.”_

_“I know they don't like me. And you still hangout with them.”_

_Levi rolled his eyes, which seemed to make Erwin even angrier._

_“Don't fucking roll your eyes at me I'm serious.”_

_Then he proceeded to talk about the conspiracy. He complained that they didn’t appreciate him, over-analyzing their most minute interactions as attempts to sabotage his relationship with Levi._

_Levi was dumbfounded._

_“You're being ridiculous Erwin none of this is true! Besides they don't have a problem with you hanging out with us.” That was a lie and he knew it. “I like having you around okay?” That was technically true he did like Erwin on his good days, when he's gentle and funny and nice. Which was becoming rare lately._

_“I don't like that you spend time with them over me. I feel like I’m barely seeing you anymore.”_

_Levi frowns, that wasn’t true. “We don’t have to be together all the time you know.”_

_“You’re always with them.”_

_Levi hated Erwin’s tendency to be glued to his side all the time. It made him feel suffocated._

_“Well sorry to break it to ya, but my world doesn't turn around you. I'm getting tired of whatever you're doing here. So stop.”_

_Levi glared at him before resuming changing into comfortable shorts._

_“I knew it! Where's this coming from? It's them isn't it? They've gotten into your head.”_

_“That's absurd.”_

_“Don't talk to me like that.” He yelled, standing up._

_Levi flinched, jumping at the sudden screaming, dreading already what’s about to come._

_“Please don’t yell. They’ll hear us.” He reasoned with him, frantic to make him stop talking. “They’ve been asking questions lately… I know you’re upset but—”_

_“Oh so now you fucking care about them? You think anybody would give a shit about you? Please don’t make me laugh.”_

_Levi faltered for a second, shrinking away from his words. This time he felt so mad to let it go and let Erwin have his ways “I’ve been considerate and quiet all this time but enough is enough! Why are you taking everything out on me? It’s not my problem that your life is a mess!” He spat. “I’m sick of making excuses for you. I’m sick of you making everyone so uncomfortable and tiptoeing around you to keep you from falling apart. You’re pathetic and you need to wake the fuck up.”_

Levi doesn't know what it was about that particular fight, but he had never been that angry with him before. He was so fucking pissed off at him. This became their daily routine. There isn’t a day that goes by without some sort of bickering and Levi is so tired of it all.

_Erwin was staring at him, but there was so much hate in his eyes. Levi had never seen anyone look like that before, and it scared the shit out of him for a second. It scared him how someone can change so quickly and drastically. It scared him because he didn’t recognize the person standing in front of him for a second._

_Then Erwin hit him on the side of the face, and Levi fell over,_ _hard enough to make the breath rush out of him._

_Levi’s tried to crawl away from him, but Erwin was quick, grabbing the back of his hair and hauled him to his feet. Levi whimpered in pain, struggling against the grip. He tried not to make a sound that would alert anybody._

_“Why do you keep disrespecting me? Why are you always acting indifferent towards me?” He pushed him against the wall, pinning him, as he screamed at him._

_All Levi could do was stare at him in shock for a few seconds. Eyes wide and terrified. “I don’t want this, I don’t want that, Erwin stop saying this, Erwin don’t do that, Erwin I’m not in the mood tonight, Erwin I’m tired.” He mocked him._

_“Stop!” Struggling against Erwin only seemed to heighten his anger. He slapped Levi hard in the face, the same spot where he hit him earlier, and as before, pain exploded in his cheek._

_“But then when you’re begging for it like a little bitch I say nothing. We always do what you fucking want. What about what I want? What about how I feel? You did this. You ruined us.”_

_Levi felt humiliated, betrayed. They probably heard. They’re going to ask again. He tried shoving him away but Erwin jerked his arm, wrenching it painfully to the side and Levi moaned in pain as tears welled in his eyes._

_“Let go!” He begged, “Erwin, you’re hurting m— umpf!” The rest was muffled by Erwin’s hand on his mouth._

_“Shut up! Stop fucking whining.” He spat in his face. “You’re the one hurting me. You’re the one always choosing everyone but me. You did this to us.”_

_Levi bites his hand, kicking him off. Erwin’s grip loosened as he cursed in pain._

_Levi stumbled towards the door. That was what brought Erwin back, finally woke him up, and he was so sorry._

_But Levi was shocked, scared and angry at the same time. Levi had seen worse in his life than what Erwin just did. But it was shocking because he never expected it. Not once in his life had he had someone close to him lay their hands on him. Never in his life has someone ever humiliated him like that._

_Erwin told him that if Levi didn’t push him, it wouldn’t have caused him to overreact. He told him that it’s all his fault and that he’s making him do this._

_And Levi realized that maybe he’s right. Erwin has never done that and he already looked a mess maybe Levi should have been gentler with him. Maybe he should have been the bigger person and be considerate of his emotions. He tried, he really did, but all he got was snappy angry comments. He didn’t even know what he did wrong that triggered this reaction._

_“I can’t take this anymore.” His chest felt tight. He wanted to scream, cry most importantly leave the room. Just be somewhere else than here. They’ll ask him again. Kenny would tell him that others have been inquiring about the fights. He would ask if Levi was okay._

_Levi’s not a kid anymore. He can take care of himself. He’s too embarrassed to tell him about any of it._

_Erwin was upon him immediately, standing between Levi and the door._

_“No! Don’t leave!”_

_“What part of 'I can't do this anymore' don't you get?” He spat angrily, his whole body trembling. He wanted to get out. Run away from him._

_“Levi!” Erwin choked. Locking the door behind him. “It's just a little fight. We can get through this, we always do.” Erwin implored._

_He moved closer pulling Levi in, kissing him, hugging. Levi couldn’t stand any of it, he felt nauseous, violated. As if his kisses would make Levi forget what he just did. He pushed him away, wiping his lips in disgust._

_“It's not just a little fight! It's all of the little fights. It's all of the bickering and you just fucking hit me. I just can't – I just can't do this anymore!” Levi snapped with a swell of panic as the only way out was blocked._

_The tears erupted, gushing down Erwin’s face as he sunk to his knees, Levi's hand clasped in his. Levi had never seen him so pitiful, as he whimpered from the ground._

_“Please don't. Please, please don't.” He wept, anxiously kneading the flesh of Levi's fingers as if this might be the last time he'd ever get to touch him. “I'm trying, baby! I'm trying so hard. This is – this is so, so hard for me and I can't lose you too. I can't lose you, Levi.”_

_Levi swallowed, looking up from the groveling mess at his feet because the image was breaking his heart in half._ _And fuck, it hurt. It hurt that every moment of the last few years had come to this, to Erwin pleading at Levi's feet, drowning under the weight of his own tears._

_Normally, Levi wouldn’t have cared about any of this. But it’s Erwin and he wasn’t a bad guy. He wasn’t like this when Levi first met him. And he doesn’t know what exactly happened along the way but this has never been Erwin. Erwin was funny, kind and protective. Erwin wasn’t abusive. Erwin never raised his voice. Erwin never hit him._

_It was too much all at once._

_“Please. You’re all I have left. Don’t leave me.”_ _Erwin sobbed into Levi's knuckles, devastation shaking his entire body._

_Levi was so exposed, so wounded, that he couldn't even understand why he was breaking down as well. His face throbbed where he hit him but it’s not what made him cry. It was the realization that he was so trapped in this mess that the idea of ending this didn’t even seem possible at that point._

_It was the realization that he was already thinking up lies to explain the bruise that was forming on his face instead of kicking Erwin out and calling it a day. It was the realization that he was in denial about his emotions and that he was ready to forget this ever happened if it meant he won’t have to be alone._

_Because he did care about Erwin. Because Erwin was familiar and warm once. Because Erwin showed him what it could be like to be with someone, what it was like to let go to someone. Then he took it all away and left him with nothing._

_When his friends came asking about him later on, Erwin told them that he’s not feeling well and that he’s sleeping._

_“I don’t care if you’re sad because your father died or if you’re having a bad day, but if you do that again we’re over. You’re out completely of my life.” He told him later that night._

_But it was obviously a lie and it was evident in his quivering tone. He lied because he didn’t have the courage to do it. Levi liked to claim that he was cold and strong but it was in these moments that he realized that he was not. He was a needy little thing that denied love and affection while craving it deep inside without even realizing it._

_And at that moment he realized that maybe this is all he’ll ever get. Erwin knew that vulnerability and too advantage of it. Making Levi feel emotionally dependent on him. Making him realize that he’ll only be of worth if Erwin is by his side._

_He wanted literally anyone else to be there with him that night besides the sobbing mess that was sharing his bed. Anyone that would rub his back and promise that everything was going to be okay._

_But was it going to be okay?_

_Then next day he told them that he hurt himself accidently while training. Which made sense considering that he was training with Nile the day before. If anyone suspected anything, they didn’t comment on it and Levi was relieved._

_Nobody really cared if he was hurt or not, after all he was a man. Such things are overlooked. You’re a man, you’re tough, you don’t cry, you don’t feel. Being violent, cold, emotionless is what you’re supposed to be like in such a world._

_Nobody cared as long as it’s kept behind closed doors. And Levi did just that._

_Mikasa, Hanji and Furlan however saw something change. It was in Levi’s reaction when Erwin came around. The way he flinched away and tensed when Erwin touched him. The way he got quiet and stayed away from Furlan when he’s around._

_“How are things with Erwin?” Mikasa asked him one day over lunch._

_Furlan’s eyes widened as he glared at her. “Hey now! It’s lunch time don’t—”_

_“Look, I know this is a trick question. I know that you've never liked Erwin,” Levi said diplomatically ignoring Furlan’s attempt at dismissing the subject. “But it doesn't really matter if you like him or not. Because I do.”_

_“I don't have to sleep with him so I don't have to like him. As long as he's treating you well then I wouldn't say anything but I feel like he's not and it's pissing me off that you keep making excuses.”_

_“What she meant,” Hanji looked at him softly. “Is that we don’t think it’s a good relationship and maybe you should consider taking a break from his for a while.”_

_“I’m not in a relationship with him. The fuck are you on about?” Levi asked, his eyebrows knitting together. “Also, we?”_

_“Nothing.” Furlan said quickly, shooting another warning glance to Mikasa._

_“Wait.” Levi turned his attention to Furlan. “Have you all been talking about me?”_

_Mikasa was historically very critical of Erwin, but Furlan had always came to Levi's aid whenever the conversation about Erwin turned sour. He said that Levi was a big boy, he can decide for himself and that nobody knew what happened behind closed doors. Hanji didn’t know what to make of the situation but tried to satisfy everyone._

_“And what exactly have you two been saying about me?” Levi pointed at the couple._

_“We just– we don't like seeing you fight with him so much.” Mikasa said. “It's visibly making you unhappy, and I don't think you even see it.”_

_“He's my friend, I care about him.” Levi bit back. “We have fights like everybody else. What’s the big deal out of this. Do you see me making comments about your relationships?”_

_Levi glared unblinkingly at her for several icy moments, while she stared at the table and fiddled absently with her fork. You’re bound to be at each other’s throats if you spend every minute of every day together. It’s normal to get into fights. Levi doesn’t understand why they all keep insisting. They also fight among each other why is it a big deal when it comes to him? The moment stretched on and on until Levi thought he couldn't handle another second of it._

_“And what exactly do you guys say about me? Is all of your pillow talk devoted to scrutinizing how pitiful poor Levi is?”_

_“Levi. No. That's not how it is.” Furlan assured._

_“Then tell me.”_

_“You’re the one keeping secrets. You tell us.” Mikasa snapped. She looked around to make sure nobody is paying attention to them before proceeding. “I know you enough to tell when you’re being weird.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_They all shared a knowing glance and it only made Levi angrier._

_“What is going on here?!”_

_“We all know that something happened.” Mikasa said bluntly, leaning over. “And we know it was bad. You don't want us to know, but we do, and I can't figure out what he could have done to you that you'd be afraid to tell us.”_

_Levi didn’t know as well how everything became the way it is._

_A heavy silence fell over the table at Armin’s bright appearance with his tray. He seemed to be oblivious of the mood as he started talking about something that Levi didn’t even hear. Levi was focused on getting some form of oxygen into his body. Mikasa’s words hit him so hard that it constricted any attempts to breath._

_He didn’t understand how they figured that out. He didn’t understand why he was so embarrassed to tell them. It was one time, it was over, and Erwin changed. Or so he thought._

_“It wasn't—” Levi said weakly. His voice faded as he met Mikasa's eyes, boring through him. He can’t bullshit her, he knows that._

_It wasn’t his fault. He wanted to tell her._

_“What?” Armin asked confused as he was cut off from whatever he was talking about._

_Levi glanced down at the table with a rasped exhale. “Nothing.” He breathed, clutching the table until his knuckles turned white._

Things have gone well so there wasn’t any reason for him to say anything. Things went well and Levi didn’t even hear a single complaint from Erwin when he spent time with Furlan. Things went well until Furlan died.

Levi knew it deep inside but he ignored his instincts because Erwin would never. Why would he be responsible for his death why would he even kill him it didn’t make sense. He should have trusted his instincts maybe things would have changed today. Maybe Nile would be here today. Maybe Furlan would be here today.

All he’s left with is a choice full of regrets.

And Levi’s sick of being sick of everything, all time.

**

Mary, Nile's wife, was devastated. To tell her how her husband died and his last message was one of the hardest things Levi ever had to do. Levi whose mind was replaying the conversation he had with Nile just days before their expedition, when Nile had told him that the risk was greater for his family to lose him than the opposite and that was what scared him.

Here they are now. Levi is so bitter about it.

Fortunately, Eren was there to take over when Levi couldn’t speak. He appreciated it immensely. Levi is grateful of the support he’s getting from him. Ilse was close to Mary, assisting her in this ordeal she knew from having lived it few months earlier. Levi felt like he was going through the same cycle again and again. He had announced to Ilse Furlan’s death, today he tells about Nile’s death. How many deaths would they still have to announce? How many losses would they have to suffer from this unjust world they live In?

The hardest part of it all is telling Marcel that his dad would never come back. Seeing him scared and flinching when Levi goes near him, hiding behind everyone as if to shield himself from Levi. As if Levi would hurt him. As if Levi became a threat. A monster that took his daddy away. 

Hanji reassures him that he doesn’t hate him, he’s just a little kid, he’s scared and needs time. She tell him that he should be patient. Levi nods. He’ll wait, hoping Marcel doesn’t grow to hate him.

The highlight was that the mission was successful. Eren had the products they were supposed to pick up from the warehouse. Krista and Hanji are back to work.

The problem is that now the community is asking for an explanation. The others wanted to know why four of them had gone so far, why one of them had never returned. Kenny decided to tell them the truth. That's why they are all gathered in HQ, silently, staring at him. Levi sits between Eren and Mikasa, watching him.

“I brought you here tonight because I think you have the right to an explanation. The expedition in which Nile lost his life was aimed at bringing back a chemical essential to the work Hanji and Krista have been doing for several weeks. Hanji and Krista ... are working on a cure for the virus.”

Kenny pauses in front of the voices that suddenly arise in the room, some exclaiming, others looking incredulous, others dubious. Kenny raises both hands to calm them down.

“It is not a hypothetical remedy that one would seek at random. It came to my knowledge that there’s a remedy in the City already.”

The voices got even louder. Levi hears someone say that they have to go and get it. Suddenly, he understood why Eren didn’t tell anyone at first.  When Levi meets his eyes, he realizes that he might be thinking the same thing.

“We can’t get this remedy for the simple reason that it is kept by hundreds of armed men. On the other hand, we can try to recreate it. Krista worked on it when she lived in Utopia and she thinks it could be possible. Nothing says that it will actually happen, but they are doing everything in their power to make it possible. That is all we have so far.”

Kenny retires to his room. Levi gets up in his turn to leave after him, limping on the makeshift brace. He’s trying to go easy on his ankle, so as not to have any after-effects.

“Kenny!”

Kenny's face softens when he glances back to find his son.

“I think you did well in telling them,” Levi pats his shoulder gently.

“You think so?”

Levi nods.

“I just… It gives them hope and it might not even work. It also puts extra pressure on Hanji and Krista. But they have the right to know why Nile is dead. I pray that it’s not in vein. And…” Kenny sighs.

“What is it?”

“We’re… getting short on so many things… Don’t worry about it.” He adds in a rush when he notices Levi’s frown.

Levi clumsily pulls him in his arms when he sees his face crumple. He hide his face in Kenny’s shoulder, just like he did when he was a child.

“We’ll figure it out. We always do. I always call you out for being paranoid but I’m so glad you were brought up in a self-sufficient group. We won’t be where we are today without your guidance.”

Kenny pulls away to smile at him and ruffle his hair.

“What about you are you okay?” He asks cautiously as they resume walking. “Petra told me that your friends went back to their rooms the other day.”

Levi flushes embarrassed by the question. He shrugs, trying not to show the terror that the idea of sleeping alone without a human presence brings him. He still needs time to be able to get used to the loneliness before he can sleep peacefully. It’s hard to believe you’re not by yourself in a house full of zombies when there’s nothing to prove you otherwise as you’re met with darkness and a cold bed.

“I’ll manage don’t worry about me.”

“You can always drag your mattress and come over.”

“I know. Thanks but I’m a big boy now. I can take care of myself.”

“Whatever you say.” Kenny stops by his room. “My age is finally catching up to me. I’m gonna go to sleep. Good night.”

Levi gives his father one last hug before turning back to HQ. He finds his friends on the usual sofas. He settles between Mikasa and Hanji, delighted to get the chance to annoy for a few minutes.

He had talked with Krista and apologized to snapping at her, assuring her that he appreciates her work and that his hurtful words were out of anger. He didn’t really think that.

Music is playing and some are dancing, talking, laughing. Armin and Sasha are by the table playing card games while Eren watches over them curiously. Krista and Ymir are dancing and giggling to each other. Others keeps asking more about the cure, how long they knew, questioning Hanji and Krista’s ability. Some even started speaking of their dreams and wishes of a world where they’re free of the apocalypse. Levi tries not to dwell on that aspect. He realizes what Kenny meant. Giving false hope only to crush it when there aren’t any good results.  

Levi watches the ones having fun and allows himself to relax and unwind even for a bit. He laughs when Krista loses her balance and stumbles into an armchair. It’s starting to get late and people started to retire to their rooms one by one.

He feels dread as he wishes everyone a good night. He exchanges a look with Eren. It had been two weeks since they slept together. Two weeks since they came back. It’s necessary that life resume its course. Levi has to learn to be alone again.

He slowly walks to his room, hoping that maybe something happens to distract him from sleeping. He’s not even tired. He hasn’t been with Eren on the roof since they came back. He’s not sure If he actually misses him or if it’s the routine that he misses.

Levi takes his time to undress and lay down in his cold sheets. He keeps his eyes glued on the ceiling. The clock strikes midnight.

One O’clock.

He tosses and turns in his bed. He’s too hot, then too cold.

Levi gives up. He sighs, gets up, grabs his gun and goes out of his room. He finds his mind wandering down the hallway, into HQ, wondering if a certain someone might be up. Not that Levi needs them to be, not even that he  _wants_  them to be. He just wanders about it, in a completely normal, curious, platonic way.

The knot in his stomach loosens when he hears classical music coming from HQ. Eren couldn’t sleep either. Has he been coming here all these previous nights?

Levi peers from the HQ doors, pointing his flashlight.

“Eren?” He whispers loud enough to be heard.

“I’m here.” He says calmly, as if he’s not surprised. As if it’s natural that Levi couldn’t sleep alone and joined him here. Levi reaches Eren's couch and turns his flashlight off.

He hesitates before sitting on the edge of Eren’s couch. “We came back to our beginnings,” Levi whispers in complete darkness. “This is where I started to grasp that you were not a complete asshole.”

Eren laughs softly.

“I guess it depends on the days.”

The musical notes are the only sounds to fill the room for several moments. Levi, still sitting on the edge of Eren's couch, doesn’t move.

“Why are you here?”

“I can’t sleep.” He confesses.

“Me neither. In the dark alone, I feel like I'm back outside. I'm afraid to wake up, nobody is there, and I can’t reassure myself. With music, I know I'm here, safe.”

“Then why aren’t you asleep right now?”

Eren fidgets on the couch.

“Because… you’re not here.”

Levi's pulse picks up. He doesn’t answer. He just squeezes Eren's arm gently before getting up to his own couch. He’s still close, his head rests on the arm of the couch, near Eren’s.

“We’re alone.”

“Yeah.”

“Talk to me then.”

“Why do you insist on talking about this?” Levi frowns, rolling the flashlight between his hands.

“Because I don’t like misunderstanding and sleeping on problems.” Eren sighs. “They always come back to the surface. I’d rather fix everything than shove it away and pretend it never happened.”

“Are you saying that’s what I do?”

“Are you gonna pretend that’s not what you do?”

“Fair enough. Have it your way then.”

“Do you still feel like you made a mistake in trusting me?”

“I… don’t know.” He sighs. He doesn’t really know if the mistake is trusting Eren or not trusting him enough. It makes Levi frustrated.

“Okay…Can I tell you what I think?”

“I have a feeling that you will do anyway.”

“It’s different to kill someone that turns and killing a normal person that you care about, watch the life leave their eyes. It doesn’t have the same impact.” He tells him seriously.

“Sounds like you’re talking from experience. Eren Jaeger knows everything doesn’t he? He’s got it all figured out right?” He snaps. Hackles suddenly raised.

“I say one thing and you get defensive. We’re just talking. I’m not attacking you.”

“Yes you are. You’re trying to make me think your decision is right and I’m wrong for suggesting banishment and execution.”

“No.” Levi hears rustling as Eren shifts to sit up. “No, I’m not. I’m trying to tell you that you should understand that not everything has to go your way. This is a whole community; you don’t just decide something like that on your own.”

Levi scoffs. “But you can?”

“No, we all voted. I asked you to rethink your choices because you were talking out of emotions.”

“You literally said no after my suggestion and you convinced me to change my mind in your favor.” Levi sighs, trying to let all the stress roll off his body. He tries not to snap but he’s already failing. “Do you also think I’m not capable of making my own decisions?”

“That’s not—”

“What makes you think that you’re worth listening to but I’m not?”

“Levi let me—”

“You come from the city thinking your ways work here. Newsflash it doesn’t work like that here. We can’t afford to keep scum like him alive. I can’t believe that you’re all blind to this. I thought you of all people would understand.”

“I do, all I’m saying is that—”

“No you don’t. None of you do.”

Eren bolts up suddenly. “I will not sit here and listen to you spout nonsense.” He says through gritted teeth. “You didn’t even let me explain myself. Is this your idea of a conversation?”

“I’m trying to understand.”

“No you’re not. You’re here being aggressive for no reason. I won’t sit here and be accused without a chance to defend myself. Just because your mind is set on something doesn’t mean it’s true.”

Levi opens his mouth to stop him but then screws it shut.

“I wanted you to talk to me. You know I won’t judge you no matter what you say.”

“It’s funny hearing those words coming from _you_.”

“Wow. that’s fucking rich.” Eren chuckles bitterly. “You know, I really thought we could talk about this but clearly you don’t want to and I don’t have the energy to go through with this over and over again.” It’s obvious that he’s mad despite his quiet and controlled voice. “I was an asshole and I said bad things but that was in the past, I don’t think like that anymore, I apologized and acted on it. I thought we moved on but apparently, I was wrong. If you’re going to hold this against me for the rest of my life then we should be having a totally different conversation.”

He feels the beginning pangs of guilt, burrowing into his belly, fetid and frantic.

“And just so you know,” Eren says a few feet away from him. “I’m not walking away on you, so don’t get attitude. I’m simply walking away from this situation to cool off, because we’re both getting upset and we won’t solve anything. It’s giving me a headache.”

He’s already feeling embarrassed from getting worked up over a conversation.

“Think about it. Kenny wouldn’t have agreed anyway because this is not what your community is about and you know it. When you’re ready to talk with an open mind. You’ll know where to find me.”

**

It’s Eren’s turn to run away from him the next two days. He’s angry and disappointed and that shows in his icy glare and his tense jaw.

Levi had been prepared for an angry confrontation and dealing with the opposite flusters him. At least it gives him time to think about it.

He finds Eren in HQ at night and when he walks towards him Eren stands up to leave, just like the previous day.

“Wait.” The word slips from Levi’s lips without him having the chance to hold it back. He’s sitting on the sofa, wrapping his arms around himself. “Don’t… Don’t leave. I’ll listen I promise.” He hates the way he sounds. Small, vulnerable almost desperate.

Eren hesitates by the door and Levi screws his eyes shut, fingers digging into the flesh of his forearm. He knows Eren’s completely within his right to be upset with him, but he’s never really hurt someone’s feelings and had to deal with the aftermath. There was no one that mattered before and then there was _Erwin_ but he had different methods dealing with conflicts.

Eren exhales loudly before sitting back down. “I’m not trying to change the way you feel.” He starts, softly when Levi says nothing for a long time. Levi just breathes heavily and thinks of things to say. “I’m not blaming you for thinking the way you do. I’m not even asking anything from you but to think about it. I understand that you’re going through some things. I really do but I don’t think it’s fair that you push me away like that.”

Levi worries his bottom lip between his teeth.

“I feel… Bitter about what happened.” He tries, after a few moments of tense silence.

“How so?”

He’s feeling slightly awkward about the whole thing. “It’s not about me anymore. It’s about this community as a whole. I could have ended it right then and there. Because it wasn’t just a stupid mistake Eren. You don’t know him like I do. You don’t know what he’s capable of. How can everyone trust that he won’t do anything again, even if he’s locked up? And on top of that, we’re feeding him and sheltering him while all he did was betray us. I feel so bitter that I didn’t take the decision to show them why Erwin shouldn’t be here.”

He feels restless, feet bouncing where they poise on the floor.

“And then what? And then what after you kill him? What are you going to achieve?”

“The idea that he’s still around here somewhere can’t sit right with me. I can’t trust him. I get that you’re being diplomatic about this or whatever but I can’t trust that decision to be the best one yet. It makes me feel helpless because I don’t know what he’ll do next. I’m worried about my family. If he’s a threat then he needs to be eliminated so we can protect the others. We have kids and pregnant women here. We have elders, innocent people, some of them get on my nerves but they’re still my family. How can I trust that he won’t hurt them?”

 _It would stop hurting._ He wants to add. _It would cut the ties; have an end to it all._

“He would be gone and eventually I would stop caring.” He hates how small his voice sounds. 

_Eventually he would be just a bad memory._

“Do you really think so?”

“You act like you know everything and it pisses me off. You don’t know anything okay?” It comes out defensive, snappy.

“I don’t know the history you had with him but over the time I spent with you I learned more about you. I know enough to know you never stopped caring. I know enough to know that you never forgot anyone. I know enough to know that pulling that trigger always hurts you. Almost like a piece of you dies when you kill them. I know because I know you, because you let me know you.”

“I don’t know if I like that.” He confesses voice thick with emotions.

“I don’t either but that’s how it is and I can’t really control it.” Levi hears rustling as Eren shifts his position. “I worry about you. You don’t look okay, you even lost weight, you look tired all the time.”

“You don’t have to worry about me. You shouldn’t worry about me.” He can feel himself getting worked up. “We shouldn’t be doing any of this.”

“But I do and I can’t help it.”

“Why? Why does it matter if I talk to you or not? What does it matter if I tell you how I feel?”

“Do you really wanna go there?”

Does Levi wanna go there? After what had happened between them, he’s not sure what to do from that point. Do they go back to just being friends? Does Levi want more? Is Eren willing to go further?

It seemed that what had happened outside is just a one time thing that probably will never happen here again. Levi doesn’t know if he wants anything from him or if it’s just intimacy that he’s looking for. He doesn’t regret what happened but the more he thinks about it the more he realizes how vulnerable he was at the time, completely submitting to Eren, naked of all the masks.

Levi tries to make sense of it all but it’s even more complicated than he thought. Eren keeps sending too many contradictory signals. He makes no mention of what had happened between them and shows no desire to go further. Yet Levi catches his eyes on him when he thinks he’s not paying attention. Levi is the one who pushed him away so he shouldn’t expect anything.

From what Eren just said, he was probably giving Levi some space. But what if they have gone too far and both are struggling to make the decision.

 _It’s better this way._ Levi thinks. He shouldn’t want anything from him.

“No.” Levi says eventually. No, he doesn’t want to go there. It’s a grey area that he doesn’t want to face right now. It’s too messy in his head to think properly about it. These places are unsafe for him to wander in, when walls inside him are down. “Never.”

 _I’m scared._ He wants to tell him. _I’m so scared of being alone. I’m scared of being with you. I’m scared of not being with you._

He’s grateful that Eren doesn’t push further, grateful that he doesn’t pry more.

“If you ever feel like you made the wrong choice, pay Erwin a visit and you’ll change your mind.”

“What do you mean?”

“Killing someone for their mistake is an easy way out to me. Let him think about what he did. Being locked up in a small room with nothing to do, no one to talk to, nothing to distract you, it drives you crazy, slowly but surely. He has to work for everything he gets. We need him for the dirty work we don’t want to risk someone’s life for. It’s what I personally see as a fitting punishment. Not death. Death is easy.”

It sounded sinister and it made goosebumps dot his arms. Is he ready to face Erwin? He’s not sure he wants to or if he’ll ever be ready.

“That sounds like a Utopia thing.”

“Maybe. After all I was raised there. But what you also suggested sounded like a Utopia thing. As far as I know, you always hated them and never agreed with their methods. Did you change your mind?”

Levi frowns, hating to admit that Eren’s right.

“Are you gonna sleep here?” He asks in hopes of changing the subject.

“Yes… Are you?”

“Yeah.”

Levi props himself on the worn out couch, adjusting the pillows. He takes a deep breath; he’s not used to solving things like this. Erwin never had this method. Erwin screams, cries, apologizes then does it again. Levi rushes towards sex or ignoring that the whole thing ever happened. Eren wants to talk about it and solve it. Eren doesn’t like misunderstanding and Levi giving him the silent treatment.

“Good night, Levi.”

“Good night, Eren.”

 _Eren is not like Erwin._ He tells himself.

When he feels unease wring his stomach dry, he only has to reach and touch Eren to know that everything is okay.

And if Levi feels the longing to sleep again in Eren's arms, nobody has to know that.

**

Connie's words sometimes turn in Levi's mind late at night.

_He waited for you, he was afraid, he thought you were dead._

But Levi doesn’t understand. Perhaps Erwin's reaction was conceivable for Connie, who is terrified of zombies and never goes out. Maybe it was conceivable for many others, even. But not for Levi.

Whether he waited for them or not did not change much. In the field, it is on the moment that everything can switch. In one second, in one decision. Levi still believes that Erwin was wrong. He had not acted as a teammate. He left them to die. He deprived Nile of his last moments with his family. He had pushed Levi to end Nile’s life. He betrayed them. 

In a quarter of a second, in a movement, a bite, everything could change. If Eren, Levi and Nile actually died, Erwin would probably have passed for the one who knew when to go out on time and Levi for the reckless, impulsive one that drove everyone to their deaths.

It’s all the subtlety of outdoor missions. It’s necessary to distinguish when the situation is desperate, when everything is lost. Throwing yourself into flames when your comrades are already bitten or dying is suicidal. No matter how much you love them, you leave them behind when you know they are condemned. On the other hand, as long as you’re not sure, as long as the others can be saved, you do not abandon anyone. It was the rule.

Levi made the right choice. Erwin, the bad one.

Lying across Mikasa and Hanji’s bed, Levi tells them what he thinks.

To which Hanji gently replies : “You still believe that there are only good and bad choices in life?”

Levi doesn’t understand what she meant.

So she explains. “It's all about perspective. The villain of one side would be the hero of another. In the City, the privations and rationing applied to some will make the happiness of others. Love? The relations of some would seem monstrous to others. For Erwin? The cowardice of one is survival instinct for others.”

“It was not survival ins—”

“He almost killed you, Levi, I know that. He acted alone and not like the member of a team, you almost died by his fault. Not just because he left, but because he didn’t say anything when he came back. He knew the rules, broke them, was punished accordingly. I know. I’m just telling you it's not that easy. Everything is not black or white, the spectrum of our decisions is much broader.”

Hanji places a kiss at the crown of Levi’s head. 

“I know you have a multitude of reasons to blame him. He betrayed your trust. He betrayed your friendship. I also think that Erwin was, voluntarily or not, responsible for death of two of the people you loved most here. Nile ... And Furlan.”

Levi shudders. He had pushed these memories to a corner of his mind but his nightmares come to remind him. He had not spoken to Erwin for a month after what happened at the time. He even proceeded by kicking him out of the room. He blamed him for it. Furlan was one of the guards who protected farmers, the second teammate being Erwin. They were attacked. Furlan had stayed behind to cover them. He never returned. But Levi somehow found himself on Erwin’s door again asking him to comeback. It’s almost like he was hooked to the feeling. It’s then that he realized that everything Erwin did to him, he asked for it. If he respected himself enough to not go back, it would have been fine.

“I think you blame yourself because you think that if you realized at that time that Erwin was not trustworthy, you might have saved Nile. I also believe that you blame yourself because, despite everything, Erwin was close to you. He was your friend. And you miss him. And stubborn as you are, you refuse to admit it. You almost banished him. Which is a… Very hard decision, Levi. I think your anger was talking then. I don’t blame you for it honestly. I don’t know what happened between you two and what you’ve gone through. I don’t wish to have to make that decision ever.”

“You have to let go.” Mikasa adds, from Levi’s other side. “You can’t carry all the guilt of the world on your shoulders. Not everything is your fault. If you keep bottling up all of that, you'll explode.”

When Levi doesn’t answer, Hanji and Mikasa turn towards him in such a synchronized movement that it’s scary. They each put an arm around him. Mikasa's hand rests Hanji’s forearm that’s laid across Levi's stomach.

“You look cute today.” Levi mumbles to Mikasa.

Mikasa’s dressed in a long flowery dress with her short hair braided to the side. It’s something she would never normally wear. The dress is washed up; colors faded but it still look lovely on her. Levi notices the paler patch of skin on her arm, the burn scar.

Everyone he had ever met have their own scars, inside and out that had shaped them and made them the way they are today. A reminder of the life they have. A reminder of their survival and their will to stay alive.

“I don’t know what you mean by today. I’m cute every day.”

“That’s debatable.” Levi teases.

“Don’t listen to him love. You’re the cutest warrior I’ve ever seen.”

Mikasa and Hanji were very afraid of losing him. They’re not much older than Levi, yet they always behave like big sisters, sometimes even parents. Especially when they’re together.  

Sometimes Levi regrets that they live in a world like this. Simply because Hanji and Mikasa would have benefited so much from living in another era. They should have lived at a time when they could get married and adopt children, not be afraid of losing each other whenever one is outside.

Hanji and Mikasa deserve better than this. Better than this life of suffering and fear.

**

When Levi joins HQ after that, Eren is already sleeping. He hesitates before sitting on the edge of his couch. Eren must have felt his presence because his hand rests on Levi’s thigh.

“Is everything okay?” he whispers sleepily.

When Levi doesn’t answer, Eren pulls on his arm.

“Come here.” It comes out soft and gentle.

Levi lays down next to him and Eren wraps his arms around him. Levi feels a heat wave invade his whole body _. God_ did he miss this. He inhales Eren's scent, trying to calm down. He didn’t want to break down again. Enough crying. Enough feeling sorry for himself.

“I'm gonna fall off the sofa.” Levi chuckles.

Eren sighs before pushing him to stand up.

“Come.”

He cuts off the music while Levi stands curiously by the sofa. Eren grabs his arm, leading him to his room. He opens the door and drops onto the mattress with a sigh.

“This is so much better.” He says.

“Uh…” Levi watches him awkwardly, hovering by the door.

“What are you waiting for standing there?” Eren glances at him. “Come here!”

Levi steps hesitantly into the small room. He joins him, slipping under the covers, facing him.

Eren’s arm is around him immediately. His hand hovers over the shirt, around his waist. “Can I—?” He whispers against Levi’s ear making him shudder.

“Please, yes.” His voice comes out so desperate even to his own ears. Levi leans closer to his warmth. He’s too tired physically and emotionally to hide that he’s also craving him.

Eren runs his hand under Levi's t-shirt, wedging it to the small of his back. Levi will deny it if anyone asks but he feels himself _literally—_ melt _. I miss you_ burns on his lips, but he doesn’t say it. Would it be different one day? Would he ever be able to talk about how he feels?

“But the music?” he suddenly remembers.

“It's not the lack of music that keeps me awake.”

It’s not having Levi with him that keeps him awake.

They keep doing the same thing for the rest of the week.

They don’t even bother going to HQ anymore. Levi slips quietly into Eren's room at night. They sleep in the same bed too small for two, legs intertwined, Levi’s face in the crook of Eren’s neck.

It’s not a convenient situation but they make it work. Because they don’t know how to survive without each other anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks." - Mary Wollstonecraft Imma drop this here and let y'all think about it for a second lmao.  
> I'M BACK!!!! I put my blood sweat and tears into this chapter I hope y'all like it and it compensates on the waiting!  
> As always, thank you so so so much for your comments and your support. I get so freaking excited to read your theories, suggestions and analysis on the characters and the plot SFDGSDGSDFGDSF I can't confirm nor deny because spoilers but I love reading them so much!  
> I hope this is angsty enough for the angst week xD  
> Love you guys. I hope you're having a lovely day/night wherever you are in the world. <3 <3  
> [Tumblr](https://peachesandcreamss.tumblr.com/)


	27. It's a new dawn, It's a new life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Throws 12k and leaves*

It's an odd feeling, waking up fully rested. Levi’s sleeping pattern is unpredictable, so he rarely gets enough sleep even without the insomnia, nightmares, and occasional breakdowns he has. And ever since returning, it's been worse in all the wrong ways. Too warm, too cold, too claustrophobic, worrying about everything that still needs to be done.

But he sleeps through the nights where he has a certain someone sharing his bed and cuddling him just the right way to make it all vanish. It’s been a month now. A month of them playing at this game. Sometimes Levi joins Eren in his bed in the middle of the night. Sometimes it’s the other way around. They would occasionally have sex. He wakes to find Eren still asleep beside him. He looks so peaceful that Levi spends a few minutes just watching him breathe, which is something he never thought he would be doing, _ever._

He became fond of waking up to Eren’s arm hooked over his waist, fingers idly dancing over his stomach, the both of them somewhere between asleep and consciousness and they won't move. Levi might hum contently if Eren flattens his palm over his stomach, tracing shapes on any place that he can get his hands on or Levi might shift backwards into him for spooning.

He didn't expect to find this kind of peace so soon after everything, but maybe he was just being a little pessimistic. There are things that they have to deal with, at some point, but they have each other and it’s all that matters right now.

_He was halfway to the door when Eren sighed, his eyes bleary from sleep._

_“Where are you going?” He mumbled sleepily and maybe, perhaps, his deep morning voice did something to Levi. Or maybe the fact that he looked adorable with sleep-mussed hair, lidded eyes and pillow wrinkles on his face but nobody had to know that._

_“Sorry.” He replied softly. “Didn't mean to wake you up. My body is used to waking up early.” Levi followed the way the blanket fell as Eren sat up, uncovering his caramel naked skin, dropping too low it barely covered anything. He mentally kicks himself for staring and meet his teal eyes instead._

_“'s fine.” Eren ran a hand over his messy hair, straightening it back._

_“I was gonna have breakfast, you looked peaceful while sleeping I didn’t have the heart to wake you up.”_

_A lazy smile tugged at Eren's lips. “I appreciate that. Now that you failed and I’m awake, I guess I’ll have to join you.”_

_Levi rolled his eyes, but he was smiling too. It felt nice, almost familiar. Almost as if he’d been doing this his entire life._

_“I’m gonna head over first then. See you in a bit.”_

It was moments like these that he’s starting to get used to. A new routine that’s settled over his life. He’s not sure how he feels about it but it’s definitely something that he likes. Especially after finally going back outside.

It took time for Levi to recover.

Too much time for his liking while it’s only a couple of days. The limitations that his injured leg imposed were frustrating enough, but even worse was the way he tired so quickly. Hanji told him to be patient. He knows he should give it time but it doesn’t make it less frustrating.

So Levi rested, and he waited. The days crawled by with only minimal improvement in his condition. His leg was healing slowly, but it healed. If it was just that, he could have handled it. It was the way he was not getting stronger that made him want to scream. Levi had never been the kind of person to sit still and meditate. He always had something to do, always moving, always busying himself and sleeping was only making him feel worse.

But Levi recovered.

It was a long and slow process. It was Levi feeling pain at night when he goes too hard on himself and Eren’s gentle touches trying to ease it however he could.

_Levi came into Eren’s room, freshly showered, practically dragging his feet across the floor; he was just so fucking tired. His body was completely exhausted and he hurt in places he didn't even know could hurt._

_“What’s wrong?” Eren glanced at him from the book he’s been reading._

_“What do you mean?”_

_“You're a bit cranky today and you've been frowning the whole time.”_

_“I'm just uncomfortable.”_

_“Come lay down. You've been standing all day.”_

_Levi flopped onto Eren’s bed face first. It had been a long day. They’ve been reinforcing the gates all around the base._

_“My leg hurts, it’s supposedly healed yet it's still uncomfortable.” He mumbled quietly, pouting._

_“You're probably sore. You’re not super human Levi you don’t just hurt a body part and expect it to get back functioning as if nothing happened. You still have back and shoulder pains sometimes. You should know better.”_

_Levi whined into the pillow, making Eren laugh._

_"Let me take a look at it," He said, moving to sit by his leg._

_Levi prompted himself on his elbows. “What could you possibly know about that?”_

_“Well I used to do massages for my sister when she—” He seemed to catch himself as if he said something he wasn’t supposed to say. And before Levi could ask what he meant he cut him off. “Uh—I just know okay? Now stop being stubborn and give me your leg.”_

_Levi huffed but turned on his back, nudging his leg to Eren’s thigh._

_Levi inhaled sharply when Eren’s cold fingers trail over his skin._

_“What? What? What did I do?” His eyes widened adorably and Levi just wanted to jump on him and kiss him silly. “Does it hurt that much? I didn’t even touch I—”_

_“No, no. it’s just your hands are really cold.”_

_Eren rolled his eyes “Sensitive much?” And proceed by putting Levi’s leg over his lap._

_“You have nice ankles,” Eren muttered._

_Levi giggled glancing at him. “What kind of compliment is that? Nice ankles?”_

_“Yes. Nicely-shaped. Slender without being thin. First-rate ankles, if you ask me.”_

_“You’re so weird.” Levi flushed and closed his eyes, wiggling his foot in Eren’s grasp._

_Eren laughed, massaging his thumbs into the thick muscles, applying pressure. Levi let out a pleased sigh and spread his legs slightly._

_Eren tried not to look into it._

_“That good huh?” Eren asked smugly._

_Levi swallowed hard, Eren’s soft touch making his stomach twist into knots. He clears his throat. “Yes. Thank you.”_

_“You're very welcome. You just sit your pretty ass down and stop looking grumpy all the time.”_

_“Sometimes I think you’re so cool and then you open your mouth and you ruin the fantasy.”_

_Eren’s laughter echoed in the room and it made Levi’s chest swell with warmth._

Levi is still surprised, to this day, by how soft and gentle Eren can be with him.

Despite there being no lasting damage, recovering is not as euphoric as he thought it would be.

Even once he was back on his feet, he tired so quickly and slept frequently. It worried him, at first. He wondered if he'll ever be back to full strength, or if he’s always going to find himself winded after a single lap around the base. Kind of like his shoulder pain that comes back from time to time a reminder that even if a trauma heals, your body never goes back the same.

Eren hovers, sometimes. Levi feels his eyes on the back of his head. He feels the ghost of his arms around him. He appreciates it but sometimes it gets a bit too much. It reminds him of someone he wants to forget about. It brings up similarities he urges his head to dismiss because _they’re nothing alike_.

He realized some things during his stay at home period. Things like Mikasa’s phantom pains that really shocked him. They tend to avoid that topic altogether because near death situation are frequent in their lives. Nobody wants to talk about that or really hear it. It was so sudden and out of nowhere that it took him off guard.

_One second they were playing a card game and the next Mikasa’s inhaling sharply and holding tightly over her burn mark. Her arm twitched lightly and Levi didn’t know if it was because she was shaking or from something else. Hanji placed her arm over Mikasa’s gently and it seemed to do the trick. Mikasa started relaxing then looked up at the worried faces around her. She flushed in embarrassment, Levi assumed, and left the table._

_Levi didn’t have to pry later as it only took Hanji one question to look seconds from falling apart completely._

_“I don’t know what to do anymore.” She rubbed her tired watery eyes under the glasses. “She wakes up in tears sometimes, panicking thinking she’s on fire again. Or like what happened earlier.” She took a shuddering breath. They were leaning over the examination bed in the infirmary. “She gets mad when I bring it up. But we have to talk about it. You don’t even— You should have seen the look in her eyes.” And Levi did. It shocked him because Mikasa never looked that scared. “I have to make her hold onto the burn marks with me for her to realize it’s all in her head.”_

This is the life they all have. Everyone always seems on edge and why wouldn’t they be? It’s a miracle to be sane in a world like theirs. You’re either deprived of all motivation and will to live, ending up killing yourself, Levi has seen people do that, Or you’re always treading on thin ice. Swinging between life and death. You’re left with losses that become too many to count, scars and trauma that fuck you up until your dying breath. Neither is a good option but it’s the only options they have.

Levi gets Mikasa. He’s been there and done that. It’s not fair for the people around him and he gets to see a glimpse of that in an overwhelmed Hanji.

_“I almost lost her too you know?” She whispered, voice small and wavering. “I also went through it. I was the one who had to see it and attempt to fix it.” Levi reached to squeezes her hand in silent support. “I was scared as well. I was terrified of fucking up, of not knowing the right thing to do. And I don’t even get to talk about it. I know it’s hard but that’s not how you move on. We both know it’s always there between us and she keeps running away. It’s like we can never take a break. She’s still dealing with her family’s loss. I’m just scared for her you know.”_

Levi knows the feeling because it’s what he does. It’s not easy for someone to talk about things like that. He’d rather pretend the whole thing never happened than talk about it. Even thinking about it gets him back in those dreadful moments.

_For a second, he thought about what they keep telling him to do, opening up and not letting things bottle inside._

_He told her that it’s easier said than done._

_“When you’re the one exposed to that kind of situation it’s hard to talk about it completely. It’s hard to relive everything. It’s hard to not let it get to you. it’s not that she doesn’t want to talk. It’s that she doesn’t know how to.”_

It’s the same with everyone. Levi has seen it in the older members of the community, the ones who had their limbs amputated to survive. He’s seen it in Kenny who had to do the act. He’s seen it on Kuchel when she joined the group. Levi felt it himself. Sometimes there are things that you do or feel in those situations, things that you see and experience, that scar you forever. And to bring that out, to actually put it in words, it takes a lot of courage.

_“Do you want me to talk to her about it?”_

_Hanji shook her head. “No. Don’t. I’m not saying this for you to make her talk. It pains me to see her like that but at least she doesn’t try to hide it from me. I know when she’s having a bad day. I know when she’s in that head space. I’m grateful that she doesn’t pretend around me but she’s very hesitant to talk about it.” She let out a nervous laugh. “I just needed to vent I guess.”_

_“Are you sure? I don’t like seeing you guys tense.”_

_“We’ll work it out. We always do. It’s just that sometimes things get stressful and we both get heated but it’s okay because once we cool down we talk it through I guess.”_

_A smile tugged at Levi's lips. “You guys are so sappy for each other I don’t know if it’s adorable or disgusting.”_

_Hanji gave his leg a shove, but she was smiling too._

**

October is ending. The ground is getting more and more wet and the threat of rain loomed in the evenings when Levi goes on the roof. Mornings are dim and cold. Seasons don’t really follow the same pattern each year as they did before according to the elders. But it gets especially colder during the winter despite it being cold the whole year.

The next best thing that has happened for a while is the new addition to the community. Levi has _never_ thought that he would be so in love with a little baby. He doesn’t hate babies, he has no problem with them he just thinks it’s a stupid idea to make them in this situation.

He was a mess, buzzing with excitement when he found out, after coming home, a month ago, that Ilse was giving birth.

_The happiness was short lived when Marcel freaked out by the commotion and the screaming of Ilse. Levi followed him as he hid in his room, his legs appearing from under the bed. He heard sniffing. And he only had to peak to find him crying, hugging his teddy bear. Levi laid on the ground beside him, looking at him._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“What’s happening to Ilse? Why is she crying and screaming?”_

_It’s the first time that Marcel had actually talked to him for a while without running. Levi doesn’t know how he felt about it happening under these circumstances._

_“Do you remember how your dad told you that she has a baby inside of her tummy?”_

_“Yes…” He sniffed._

_“Well it’s coming out now.”_

_“Is the baby hurting her?” He asked, eyes full of tears, with a small worrisome face._

_“No it’s not like that…” Levi glanced around thinking of words to explain it. “It hurts a little because she has to get the baby out. But Hanji and everyone else is with her to help her move the baby out of her tummy and into a nice warm blanket.”_

_Marcel looked away seeming to consider his words._

_“She’s not going to die right? Not… Not like—”_

_He sighed turning on his side to look at him. “No. She’s going to be okay. You’ll be able to see her later with the baby.” He attempted a smile._

_They lapsed into silence for a moment. Levi watched him, lips tucked behind teeth, tears flowing out of his eyes, sniffing._

_“Are you still not coming out of there?”_

_Marcel curled into himself even more and it broke Levi’s heart to see that. So he did what he saw Nile do when Marcel hid out of fear. He outstretched his hand towards him._

_“Here.” He started. “I’ll hold your hand so you know I won’t leave. There’s nothing going on so you don’t have to be scared.”_

_“You promise?”_

_He should be the adult here and reassure him. He had heard from Petra that he’s even going back to wetting his bed again. Mary was worried about him. Everyone was. Marcel was still a child but he knew what death was. He was a smart kid. They should allow him to talk about it. They should talk to him about what happened. But everyone keeps dismissing the subject to not upset him._

_“I promise.”_

_Marcel was hesitant but he reached for Levi’s hand holding onto it tightly. Slowly, he started inching closer towards Levi until he’s out from under the bed. Levi sat up making more room for him._

_“I want my daddy.” Marcel whimpered jumping onto him. The words knocked the breath out of Levi. He shut his eyes tightly. “My daddy is gone and he's not coming back.”_

_Levi wrapped his arms around Marcel. He smoothed the mop of curls with his hand. “I miss him too. So much.”_

_“Did he leave because of me?”_

_“No.” Levi gasped. “God no. of course not.” Marcel snuffled a little. Levi kissed the top of his hair. “He didn’t— It wasn’t—” He struggled with finding the right words to comfort the little boy. “Nile loves you so much. It’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong. If he could have stayed he would have. But…” He swallowed thickly. He shouldn’t get emotional now. “Bad things happened and he just couldn’t stay.”_

_“My mom is gone, dad is gone. Even aunt Mary doesn’t want me anymore.” He muttered sadly, looking at his teddy bear. “I have lots of tears inside, but I can’t get them all out.”_

_“What do you mean?” Levi frowned._

_“I heard aunt Mary say that when she looks at me, she feels sad in her heart, because I look like daddy. She gets sad when she sees me play. A lot of tears come out of her eyes. But I can’t do that all the time. Sometimes I play and she gets sad.” He sniffled through his tears. “I’m also sad in my heart but I can’t cry always. Does Aunt Mary not love me anymore?”_

_Levi’s heart sank at the words. Hearing him cry now was a terrible sound but at least he was letting it out. “It’s okay if you can’t let the tears out.” He leaned over to hug him again, rubbing his back gently. “I’m sure Mary doesn’t feel sad because she sees you. Mary loves you so much. She just misses your dad that’s all. But if you also feel sad in your heart, you can talk to me or anyone else if you want to. If you want to play I’ll play with you.”_

_“I’m scared that you’re going to leave…”_

_“Why would I leave?”_

_“My daddy said that we don’t keep bad people in our house. And Connie keeps saying bad things about you. Are you going to leave?” Levi could hear the trembling in his strained voice and he kissed his head to reassure him. “Please don’t leave.”_

_“I’m not going anywhere I promise.” Levi tried not to think about what Connie had been saying about him in front of Marcel._

_“Connie said that you hurt Erwin.” Marcel pulled away, wiping his tears with his sleeves. “Why did you hurt Erwin? He doesn’t come to eat with us or stay in the big room.”_

_Levi needed to focus on the little boy in his arms and not that asshole. He’ll deal with him later. “Don’t listen to what Connie tells you okay? I didn’t hurt Erwin. Remember when your dad told you not to lie?”_

_Marcel nodded._

_“Well Erwin told everyone big lies. So Kenny said he should be grounded.” He couldn’t bring himself to tell him the whole truth. He was still a kid and Levi had no idea how to explain any of that fucked up shit Erwin did. “Listen to me I want you to understand that Erwin is not a nice guy okay? He did bad things and hurt people, that’s why he’s grounded. That’s why he’s not with us. Because we’re a family and we don’t hurt each other. Never.”_

_“Is Connie going to be grounded for lying?”_

_“Maybe.”_

_“Did you lie to everyone like Erwin did?”_

_“No.”_

_“Okay. Pinkie promise that you won’t leave?”_

_Levi smiles at the adorable child, holding out his pinkie. He links their fingers together._

_“Pinkie promise.”_

_“Not like last time? Everyone said you weren’t going back…”_

_“Not like last time.”_

_He hoped to keep that promise._

_“Are you boys having fun without me?”_

_Levi startled, glances behind him at the sound. Eren is leaning against the doorway, arms crossed against his chest._

_“Eren!” Marcel jumped from Levi’s lap and ran towards Eren to hug him._

_“Well I guess I’m not the favorite hero anymore.” Levi turned to face them, still sitting cross-legged on the ground._

_“How’s my favorite boy doing?” He ruffled the boy’s hair when he wrapped his tiny arms around Eren’s waist._

_“I’m the commander!”  Marcel hissed, rolling his eyes._

_Eren laughed. “Yes, I’m sorry. Commander Marcel.”_

_“What are you doing here?” Levi frowned looking between Eren and Marcel. It was nice that they got along but Levi couldn’t help but get a little bit jealous. “How long have you been standing there?”_

_“I was looking for you.” He stepped into the room, holding Marcel’s hand. “Should I… leave?” He hesitated for a second._

_“No. Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.”_

_Levi watched as the kid nodded slowly. “Yes, stay.”_

_“What do you need me for?”_

_Eren sat down next to him then frowned at the question._

_“You said you were looking for me?” Levi prompted._

_“Oh!” Eren flushed a little. “I just wanted to see you that’s all.” He racked a nervous hand into his hair, looking away._

_Levi smiled feeling his face heat up then turned his attention back to Marcel._

_“So how come you like Eren so much?”_

_“He’s very good at games.” Marcel shrugged. “He also builds big Legos. And has nice missions to do.”_

_“Oh really?” Levi arched a brow, glancing at Eren._

_“What can I say, I’m very talented.” Eren smiled proudly._

_“How about we go get Ellie now and play? I’ll show you who’s better.”_

_“Game on. I’ll make the clues and the treasure. Show me your skills.”_

_**_

_They kept playing with Marcel and Ellie until Petra told them that Ilse got a baby girl._

_Eren stared at Levi curiously, as he grinned from ear to ear waiting by the door._

_“Oh my god!” He kept exclaiming every two seconds. He tried to hide his excitement and contain himself by biting his lips but failed miserably. “A baby girl! Oh my god!”_

_Marcel held onto his hand tightly as they approached the door._

_“Do you want to stay with Petra or come with me?”_

_He hesitated for a second looking between him and the girl in question. “I’ll stay with Petra.”_

_“Okay.” He kneeled to his level and combed through the boy’s curls. “Everything is okay. You’ll see it for yourself.”_

_The boy nodded. “Pinkie promise.” He whispered more to himself than anything._

_“Pinkie promise.” Levi whispered back._

_Ilse was laying on the bed when he walked in the room. She was looking fondly at Hanji who was holding the baby in her hands, Mikasa peering curiously over her shoulder. He had noticed that Ilse’s changed from her earlier outfit to what seems to be a blue dress, hiding under the covers._

_There was now a yellow baby crib between the two beds in the room. The crib was old but after they cleaned it and set it up it looked decent._

_“Hey…” Levi said quietly, almost whispering. Ilse glanced at him and brightened up._

_“Hi!” She waved for him and Eren to come in._

_There was a little blanket draped over the crib. A teddy bear was placed inside along with other small toys. Mikasa and Hanji didn’t even pay attention to him. They were just cooing at the baby. Eren walked over to them._

_“Holy shit, I can’t believe you made a human.” Levi smiled, sitting on the chair next to her bed. “How are you feeling?”_

_“Exhausted but really happy.” And Levi saw that. She looks tired but she was somewhat…glowing._

_“You said you were so sure you’re going to have a boy. What happened?” He joked and she rolled her eyes._

_“I have a beautiful healthy girl and that’s all that matters now.”_

_“It is. What’s her name?”_

_“Hope. I know it’s cheesy as hell but—”_

_“It’s perfect.” He cut her off. “We all need hope in our lives.”_

_“I’m glad you’re here. You were a brother to Furlan. You being here means a lot to me.”_

_“Hey, now don’t make me emotional I don’t want to cry. I’m barely holding it together as it is.”_

_She reached for his hand, laid over the covers and squeezed it. “I don’t want to burden you with something you don’t want to, but even though you don’t believe in this stuff, having you as a godfather to my daughter means the world to me.”_

_“That’s totally gonna do it.” He chuckled through his tears. “I’m honored that you would want me to do that. I really am. I just feel like it’s a bad omen of some sort for her that’s all. I mean, I’m really not the fittest for the role with what I do every day. But I promise I’ll do my best.”_

_“I know you will.” Then she looked over his shoulder. “Eren seems really fond of her.”_

_He turned to find Eren smiling softly at the baby. “Hi, little girl.” He whispered gently. “Welcome home.” He angled her up so they could see her. “You have a beautiful little girl. Congrats.”_

_“Thank you sweetheart.” Ilse beamed at him then turned her attention to Levi. “Now go say hi to your niece.”_

_“Uh, I ... I'm not sure— Should I wash my hands?” He stood up. “I mean they’re clean but you never know… What if I drop her? What if—” He motioned helplessly and took a step back. Then another._

_“Relax!” Hanji laughed shaking her head._

_“You’re the first to jump in when dealing with zombies and you look like you’re about to have a meltdown from a baby?!” Mikasa snorted, rolling her eyes and making everyone in the room laugh._

_“Hey!” Levi pouted._

_“Trust me, you won't break her," Eren said, holding the little pink bundle out to him._

_It was amusing for the others, seeing Levi squirming as he held Hope in his arms. He froze. He had never held a baby before._

_“She's so light,” he remarked softly._

_He pulled aside the soft pink cotton wrap and retrieved her hand. She lightly held his finger with her tiny fist._

_It was hard to put his feelings into words. The most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes upon. Every small glimpse at the cherub cradled in his arms took his breath away._

_“She’s an angel, precious tiny one she is.” Levi whispered. Adoration sparkling in his eyes as he caresses the baby’s soft cheek with his index finger. “This is a crazy world, but as your daddy is not here, I promise to protect you little one.”_

_He didn’t care about anything else besides the small child with cerulean clear eyes and pouty tiny lips. He rocked her gently. Hope squirmed adorably and let a little sigh trying to get comfortable. She’s all that’s left of Furlan in this world. He cleared his throat, blinked faster to chase his fresh tears away._

_“She’s so cute.” He looked up from her to find them all watching him fondly._

_Petra then came in with a curious Marcel. They spend a few minutes getting him to see that no one is hurt and that they have a tiny human that’s now in Ilse’s arms._

_A tiny human that Levi would have never thought he’d love so much while just meeting._

_**_

_Levi found himself standing in front of cell N.6. The same cell Kenny used to lock him up with Eren months ago. He pulled out a box at the bottom of the closet and took out two albums. One was filled with Polaroid photos, the other with sketches._

_Levi opened the first. He flipped through the pages, biting his lips to suppress his tears._

_A movement by the door caught his eye. Eren was standing there watching him, his face impassive._

_“Would you stop sneaking up on me? it’s scary.”_

_“Sorry.”_

_Levi felt vulnerable and he hated that feeling. But this is Eren he practically saw Levi in all his moods._

_“That’s the album you didn’t want me to touch when Kenny locked us up together.”_

_Levi nodded at Eren's calm voice._

_“Because it’s yours.”_

_Levi nodded again. He motioned for Eren to approach. Eren closed the door behind him and sat on the floor next to him._

_Months earlier, they were standing in exactly the same place, except that the situation was reversed. At the time, Eren was vulnerable because of his nightmares and Levi had woken him up._

_Today it was somewhat the opposite. Levi was staring at the Polaroids in the album that he hadn’t touched for years. It was Erwin’s idea that he removed everything related to Furlan. So Levi could get over it quickly. That’s what he wanted him to believe anyway._

_“Kenny found me in a closet in a basement of a house when I was five years old.” Levi told him. “He was still a Nomad back then, touring the neighborhood while the group he was with at the time was moving into an old gymnasium. He heard some noise in the basement and he almost didn’t check, thinking it was probably another Contaminated. But he went anyway. And he found me there, in the middle of junk, squeezing this photo album against me. There was no one else in the house.”_

_Levi cleared his throat, trying to speak through the lump. “That's why I felt closer to Armin's story. Because my parents abandoned me, too. I'm pretty sure they gave me this album to tell me that they were coming back soon, that I only had to look at their picture to reassure myself.”_

_Eren reached for him but Levi flinched away._

_“Why do you think they left?” Eren asked instead._

_“Because a child in this world is dangerous. It screams, it runs, it moves, it's hungry, it cries, it’s annoying. I must have been so loud. Fear probably won.”_

_Eren frowned in annoyance as if he disagrees._

_“Kenny kept me with him. He never left me, even when I caused him trouble, even when everyone told him that I’m not worth the risk. He kept me and raised me as if I was his blood son.”_

_Levi wiped some of the sneaky tears that have flowed uncontrollably._

_“There was another child of about my age that joined the group with his mother. His name was Furlan.”_

_Eren's face softened in realization._

_“I was often scared in the dark and I was scared of zombies, so he was playing the role of the protector. He said we were invincible and the zombies can’t do anything because we’re faster. He said that when we grow up and learn to fight properly, we’ll kill them all.”_

_A brittle laugh escaped his lips._

_“We learned how to fight but we didn’t kill them all. It’s them who actually killed him… And— And that bastard Erwin.”_

_“Erwin?”_

_“He was the one with him that day. Erwin has always hated him. I think he was jealous of him or something I don’t know. I should have known that he would do something like this. Furlan_ _never had trouble_ _handling himself outside and suddenly the one time that asshole leaves with him he comes back on his own.”_

_Silence settled between them, thick, heavy. Levi sighed, unable to bear it any longer._

_“Sorry I didn’t mean to shit on the mood. I—”_

_“The year before I was banished, my sister got pregnant.” Eren cut him off. “The problem is that she wasn’t married. And in the City, it is strictly forbidden to have kids without being married. Because of the quota of children per person. They want to make sure that no one is making too many kids here and there. We are supposed to make one child per couple, two maximum. If a couple makes a third or if a woman gets pregnant out of wedlock ...They place the third child to adoption or they forbid the single mother to have another child. If they are not compliant, they ban one of the parents. This is usually what happens.”_

_Levi let out an incredulous gasp. “What! That’s horrible!”_

_Eren nodded, jaw tense._

_“It is, because there’s no reason for it to be like this inside the walls. They’re just hungry for control. It's even worse in the Guard. Women, to remain fully effective, have neither the right to marry nor to become pregnant. So when Isabel got pregnant, we were both afraid she would be banned. We managed to hide her pregnancy. She was fine, she had only to pretend to stuff herself and gain weight and hide behind loose clothes. Her superior knew about it, I think, even though he never said anything. Instead of continuing to let her be a member of the Active Guard, on patrol, he assigned her to do desk duties, claiming that he needed an assistant to handle the office. He was a very nice guy. I worked with him for a while. He didn’t say anything to my father, who was his superior, my father being the Chief of the Guard.”_

_Eren chuckled darkly._

_“My father would have killed my sister with his bare hands, If he found out. He never did, thank God. My sister wasn’t on speaking terms with my parents, she had her own place and stopped visiting them a long time ago. I often visited her. We were very close._ _When she was pregnant her legs got so swollen at some point that I had to try something to help her out even by lessening the pain. That’s how I learned to do efficient massages.” He smiled sadly at him before continuing. “I went with her to the Dark Zones to see doctors who are trustworthy enough to not report her. Her doctor taught me everything that I had to do to help her during her delivery. He made me repeat gestures hundreds and hundreds of times, they remained etched in my memory.”_

_Eren stared at his hands as he spoke. Levi watched the way his face fell. “The baby was placed in a way that would cause complication during birth. And since it was illegal, no doctor risked actually helping her deliver a baby. So I was the only one there with her. She had to bite into a piece of wood so that the neighbors would not hear her. I managed to help her deliver the baby safely. He was a little boy. She left a note with his name and dropped him on the porch of a church far away from her house.”_

_“What—”_

_Eren glared at him._

_“It wasn’t like your parents. She had no choice. She didn’t want to leave him, but my dad would have killed him or killed her. A single woman must not have children, much less a woman in the Guard, the pride of the Patriarchs. She preferred to provide a future for both of them. Women have it so much harder there as it is. But she cried for weeks for him. It was so hard for me to witness because I was helpless.”_

_“Who was the father?_

_“I don’t know. She never wanted to tell me. Probably a Liberty guy or someone from the underground. They are less likely to wait for marriage in those areas.”_

_Levi frowned._

_“Because you’re supposed to wait?”_

_“Yes. According to my sister’s words this current society has demolished all the progress the past generations has achieved on so many levels.”_

_“So before you came here, you never…?”_

_“I said "supposed" Levi. When you think you're going to marry the girl you're with, most do it before.” Eren smirked._

_“Oh.”_

_So Eren liked Elaine enough to think about marrying her._

_“I'm sorry, for your sister and her son.”_

_“You had nothing to do with this. It's stupid to apologize.”_

_Levi rolled his eyes. Of course, he would say that._

_He strangely felt like he wanted to kiss that frown away. He didn’t, of course._

_He stood up instead, trying to shake these feeling away. They walked silently but Eren slowed down._

_“Where are you going?” He asked because this is neither the way to his rooms nor HQ._

_“Catch the sunset.”_

_“It's not even close to that—”_

_“I did not ask for your opinion.”_

_He heard Eren sighing behind him, “Arschloch,” before the sound of his footsteps echo as he follows._

_“I don’t know what you said but it certainly wasn’t nice. At least if you want to play dirty either speak my language or teach me.”_

_“You speaking German? That would be sexy.”_

_Levi stopped then glanced over his shoulder._

_“How the hell did you get so bold?”_

_“I’ve always been bold. Why? Do you like it Liebling?”_

_Levi pursed his lips and glared at him playfully. Eren had been using those same German words a lot lately and he insisted on not telling Levi what they meant._

_“Shut up. And stop following me.” He jabbed a punch at his arm._

_“And have_ _your death on my conscience? No thanks. I will never be able to look at Kenny again afterwards.”_

_Levi climbed the ladder then stopped just under the trapdoor. Eren lifted his head and their eyes met for a second._

_“And you’ll miss me.”_

_“Climb.”_

_Levi didn’t move. Eren studied his face carefully before rolling his eyes and working around him to hoist himself up to the ladder._

_“And I’ll miss you,” He whispered inches away from his face accompanied by a peck to the cheek._

_Levi smiled in satisfaction as he pulled the door open._

_They stayed outside until the beautiful September moon, lit up the sky._

_**_

“I came to see you this morning. You weren’t in your bed. Yet when you walked into the cafeteria two hours later, you said you just got up.”

Mikasa's tone is halfway between smug and playful. It’s been a month since Baby Hope’s birth.

“And strangely, Eren arrived five minutes after you.”

“It's not what you think,” Levi grumbles, putting down the revolver he just cleaned. It is _kind of_ what she might be thinking but he won’t tell her or anyone _that_. After all it’s personal.

They’re both sitting in the armory, cleaning weapons. Levi doesn’t really feel like going back outside as he used to. His routine strangely became more of spending time playing with the kids and Eren or babysitting Hope. Fortunately, they have enough provisions. But they would have to go back out soon, Levi knows that. They can’t hide forever.

The irony of this world is that it’s safer to stay locked up, but you also have to go out in order to survive.

He can feel Mikasa’s eyes boring through him, waiting for an answer.

“I can’t sleep on my own and neither can he.”

She nods cryptically. “Then that’s exactly what I was thinking.”

Levi rolls his eyes, hardly containing a smile.

“Why don’t you ask him to move in with you, in your room? It's bigger than his and Erwin is gone so you would have more space to keep doing whatever the hell you’re doing.”

Levi falters. “Funny how you were the first to oppose to me moving with Erwin.”

“And look how that turned out.”

He sighs, not knowing how to reply without being aggressive about it.

“I was stupid and naïve and I deserve it. I know. Anything else you want to throw in my face while we’re at it?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry.” She reaches for his arm, squeezing. “I’m just saying that out of concern for you. I know it’s none of my business but you seem to be relaxed around Eren and it makes me happy seeing you like that. You’ve both really changed and it’s obvious especially after coming back together.”

It warms his heart hearing Mikasa’s words.

“I'll think about it.”

The idea didn’t really occur to him before. He didn’t think about sharing his room with Eren. And after everything that happened with Erwin, Levi is scared it might be a bad decision.

Mikasa shakes her head, smirking knowingly. Furlan used to always joke that Mikasa has a sixth sense regarding Levi. They understand each other. The way Mikasa could read Levi's mind sometimes scares him. He’s not as closed off as he thinks he is. He doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or not sometimes.

“Yes, think about it. It’s even comfier than his small bed.” She jabs a warning finger at him before Levi could open his mouth to protest. “And don’t even try to convince me that you're sleeping on the floor.”

Levi purses his lips, hiding a shy smile.

**

Eren is unusually quiet the next day. Levi tries not to think too much into it. Eren has been going around trying to do all sorts of things from farming to cooking to cleaning and feeding the animals. He might be just tired. By dinnertime and still nothing from Eren, Levi doesn’t know what’s going on anymore. Krista seems worried. She gets up as soon as her best friend finishes his meal and follows him into the hallway. Levi swallows his anxiety. If Eren wanted Levi to be there, he would have let him know.

Levi finds Krista and Eren at HQ a little later. Eren had fallen asleep, curled on himself with his head on her lap. Krista runs her hand through his curls as she reads a book. She waves at Levi to sit next to them when she catches him staring.

He approaches hesitantly then sits cross-legged in front of them on the carpet.

“What is happening?” he whispers, glancing at a sleeping Eren before returning to Krista.

“It's Isabel's birthday today,” she replies in the same tone. “It’s the first one without her…”

“Oh.”

Eren stirs, blinking his eyes open. He must have heard them. He drops his hand reaching for Levi, who grabs it.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“How about you come over this time?”

“Okay.”

Eren links their hands and closes his eyes. The gesture seeming so intimate that Levi forgot about Krista’s existence for a second. He catches her staring at their intertwined fingers when he looks at her. She smiles at him softly and whispers a thank you. Levi doesn’t know what she’s thanking him for but still nods.

**

It’s still early when Levi goes back to his room, freshly showered. He felt so exhausted that he fell asleep before Eren joined him. He only wakes up when he hears him come back. Eren is sitting on the edge of the bed. He runs a hand through Levi's hair. The only light in the room is coming from the candle on the nightstand by Eren’s side of the bed.

“You just got back? Why are you still dressed?”

“I was with Krista and ... I went on the roof.”

“How dare you go without me?”

“You were sleeping. And I needed to think.”

Levi frowns. Eren doesn’t seem willing to say more.

“I’m sorry if I woke you up. Try to go back to sleep.”

Eren pulls away to take off his clothes and Levi already misses the feeling of his hand threading through his hair. He watches Eren’s back muscles flex with each movement, allows his eyes to drift over every inch of his tattoo.

Eren walks up to the bed, wordlessly pushes Levi a little and slips under the covers beside him. Levi smiles glancing at the ceiling.

“You could at least ask permission to take all the space in my bed.”

“I don’t see the utility actually, because you would say yes.”

“You're too cocky.”

Eren turns his head to him, raising an eyebrow, “Well, am I wrong? You’re falling for me might as well take advantage of it.”

Levi jabs a punch to his shoulder. Eren smirks, slapping his bare thigh. He finally turns away to the bedside table and blows on the candle when Levi stops him.

“No. it’s nice like this leave it.”

“Sure, I’ll just move it on the desk because it’s too bright next to my face.”

Levi watches him move the candle towards the desk. He’s been thinking about Mikasa’s suggestion and it doesn’t seem like a bad idea anymore. They basically share the room anyway.

He clears his throat and starts twisting the blanket. “So…Uh…” He cringes feeling embarrassed all of a sudden. “We’ve been, you know, going back and forth with this and, uh…., might as well do it properly am I right?” He lets out a nervous laugh. Why is he so awkward all of a sudden? He doesn’t know.

He feels Eren shift in his bed, probably turning to look at him. Levi doesn’t meet his eyes. “What? I’m not following...”

“Would you like to… I mean _-this-could-be-easier-for-you-and-this-is-bigger-than-yours_ and—”

“Slow down!” Eren chuckles. “What the hell are you talking about? What’s bigger than mine? is this some innuendo I’m missing on or something?”

“No! Jeez why are you so dumb?” Levi groans. “If you want to— _of course, you don’t have to say yes, but that would be really embarrassing for me… But I’ll get over it so don’t feel pressured to do it or something—_ Uh… if you want to, you can get your stuff and officially sleep here forever…”

Eren starts laughing softly.

_“Wait_ no, not forever that sounds weird but you know what I mean so—”

“Okay.” Eren cuts off his rambling and Levi is grateful. He’s already done good job embarrassing himself “Are you… sure?”

“I literally just asked you of course I’m sure.”

“Alright.” He can hear the smile in Eren’s voice and it makes him smile as well.

“Cool.”

A beat of silence falls between them. Levi purses his lips to stop himself from grinning so widely for some reason.

“Good night, Eren.”

“Good night, Levi.”

Levi feels Eren's warmth close to him. His bare skin radiating near his.

Levi has no idea how much time has passed but he still can’t sleep. He knows that Eren is not asleep either. He hears him sigh and grumble before he pulls Levi even closer to him. Levi’s heart races at the touch. He rests his face on Eren’s chest.

“Levi?”

“Hmm”

“Tell me something.”

“Like what?”

“Anything, your voice is soothing.”

And honestly, Levi can't get enough of him. He feels his face heating up.

“Or wait, I’ll start.” Eren says. “There are certain things that I’m confused about and I don’t know who to ask and who to talk to but you. But I feel like you’ll freak out on me and I don’t want that.” He lets out a laugh. The sound vibrating against Levi’s cheek. “I'm not asking anything from you. I'm not confessing or anything either. I can feel your pulse picking up, relax.”

“What do you want to ask?”

“How did you know that you like boys?”

“Hmmm… I guess… I always knew, I never looked at any girl in that way.” Levi starts drawing patters on Eren’s thigh. “I’ve always been attracted to guys but the process to getting there was confusing and a little scary to be honest. My only friend growing up was Furlan and he didn’t share my thoughts and feelings. He would always talk about girls, how he felt, who he wants to be with and all that crap and I was confused because I never shared any of that. I was too young to understand sex obviously I was nine I think- but I always remember the feeling of having crushes on certain boys I guess. I don’t know how to explain. But it was a feeling I couldn't give a name to.”

Eren hums, stroking Levi’s hair.

“I guess I got kind of scared because even in books that were handed to me it’s always a boy and a girl, all the adult couples around me back then were men and women. Even though nobody ever said anything negative about it, I felt weirded out because I was the only one different. I was so nervous sharing my thoughts with Furlan the first time. I don’t know what I was expecting but it certainly wasn’t him being even more curious and asking me stuff. He asked me if I liked him and I said maybe, he got excited because to him it was like scoring points from both sides or some ridiculous shit.” Levi smiles at the memory. “I mean he was attractive but I didn’t know if I liked him that way or not back then but it turned out I didn’t. That was the moment I truly knew- the moment I admitted to someone else I knew who I was, was also the moment I realized who I am.”

“Furlan sounds like a very nice guy.”

“He was my best friend. I don’t know how my life would be like now, if he wasn’t my friend.” Levi sighs. “Anyway, new people came around and I saw for the first time a gay couple in the community. I saw people doing what I always fantasized about doing and saying things I wanted to say. There were a lot of boys that I started fantasizing about. I used to get so frustrated I couldn’t block these thoughts and it made me cry sometimes. And then Furlan encouraged me to talk to that couple. They calmed me down, telling me that there was nothing weird about it and that I should be proud of who I am. Which was a really nice thing to hear. I asked them everything I was curious about and they tried to explain the best they could to me.”

“How old were you back then?”

“I was thirteen when they came to our group I think. I was so curious and terrified of Kenny’s opinion on the subject. I mean he’s the one who raised me and it meant so much to me seeing him being supportive of everything, despite him being religious which is what made me reluctant to talk to him in the first place. He said that he loved me no matter what. He said that he didn’t care as long as I’m safe and happy. He would go out of his way in collecting books for me to read with gay couples in them. He would tell me about the history of people like me, how they fought for their rights and their journey. The funniest part I think is when he saw me kiss another boy when I was sixteen and he tried to educate me on gay sex. But yeah that’s it basically.”

“Kenny is really cool.”

“Yeah he really is. I’m grateful that I get to call him my dad.”

“Your people are so much nicer than the people in the city. Sometimes I feel sad that you had a harder life than mine because you deserve better but then I think about the city and I think maybe not. It’s certainly harder living outside but it’s what made you all who you are.”

“They’re your people now too. You’re part of this community.”

“Yeah.” Eren smiles. “I am.”

“What about you?” Levi rests his chin on Eren’s chest, giving him the perfect angle to admire his face in the dim light. “How did this happen? I mean last time I checked you were straight and an asshole.”

“Hey!” Eren pouts when Levi starts laughing. He kisses his chest as an apology.

“In all seriousness, tell me, I’m curious.” Levi could feel the steady rhythm of Eren’s heartbeat pick up. “How did you turn gay for me?”

“Ha-Ha very funny.” Eren’s hand around his hair tightens for a second as Levi laughs. “I’m not gay… I mean I don’t think so… I— I—” He seems to struggle to find the words then looks away, blushing. “Never mind.”

“Oh come on tell me!” Levi now is more than intrigued to know.

“But it's stupid.”

He frowns. “I'm sure that it's not the case. Tell me.”

Eren sighs, his fingers drumming nervously over Levi’s neck as he lays his head back down.

“It took me some time to get over the labels in my head and thinking it's wrong. My whole life I’ve been basically programed to know one thing and that is men are supposed to love and marry women. Anything that isn’t that is wrong and unacceptable. I wasn’t exposed to anyone different from me. Everyone that wasn’t straight was only portrayed in the image of a monster who’s punished in public. Again, this doesn’t excuse my behavior I know that but imagine having this mindset and figuring out your savior was one of the bad guys in your book. It was shocking to me. I was scared because I still had those thoughts in my head.”

“I guess I kind of understand where you’re coming from but it was still weird to me because you’re the first one who actively said something about it. I mean I’m not stupid, growing up I heard a lot of comments and opinions about it. About me. And I know that some of the people here still don’t think highly of me and my reputation.”

“I’m genuinely sorry about that.” He squeezes his hold around Levi. “I still think it’s a miracle that you didn’t kick me out for causing so much trouble.” He chuckles.

“I mean if I was the one in charge you probably would have been kicked out. But fortunately for you, I’m not, and you changed.”

“I felt like the minute I got to listen to everyone’s story and point of view about it, and me getting rid of all the labels and the things I’ve been taught about this, it changed my perspective. Before you, I was never attracted to any guy. And I was with one girl. So when I started… feeling things, thinking about things… It was kind of disturbing— a little bit.” There’s a beat of silence. “Okay… Maybe more than a little bit. But the thing is, I know I'm not gay because I’m not attracted to any other guy around here— Or girl for the matter. It just became only you.”

Levi doesn’t know what to say to any of that.

“See it’s stupid.”

“I don’t find that stupid. Far from it actually.”

“Yeah right.”

“I promise you. It’s not stupid. I’ll never make fun of your feelings.”

“You really don’t think so?”

Levi can tell by the hesitant tone of his voice that he genuinely cares about his opinion. He turns to meet his eyes. “I really don’t. In fact I want to hear more about it.”

Eren holds his gaze as if making sure Levi actually means his words.

“I had more of one what the fuck moment while thinking about this.” He starts than his face lit up as he smiles. “When we were kissing and I was like _oh that's nice_ and then I felt your dick and I was like _woah wait a second._ That kind of threw me off a bit.” Levi starts laughing then he turns on his back, resting his head on Eren’s arm. “But jokes aside it was all because this attractive body was yours that made me enjoy every second of everything. You’re no longer a guy in my head you’re just Levi. It almost feels like the attraction started happening once I actually got to know you. Which is why I’m a bit confused about what this all means.” Eren turns to the side to face him, his free arm brushes Levi’s bangs away from his face. “There are certain things that I’m sure of. Like the fact that I want to hold you more, kiss you more, I feel like I haven't had enough of you even though you're right here in my arms. That's how I feel right now and I only have these thoughts for you.”

Levi had so many kisses in his lifetime. What he doesn’t understand is, why Eren’s kisses are different. It’s not because he’s a good kisser— Which he is. Levi doesn’t really know what it is about this feeling he gets from each kiss.

The minute Eren leans in and connects their lips, it feels like he’s burning from the inside. As if warmth is flowing in his veins. Every part of him comes alive. Everybody uses the same products around here and yet Levi loves the taste of mint on Eren’s mouth, the smell of his hair and the way he feels against him.

“I can’t believe these words are coming out of your mouth. How are you the same asshole from nine months ago?” Levi asks when they pull away.

“It’s part of my charm.” Eren winks, stroking up and down Levi’ side with his hand. “How would you know how precious I am if you didn't have an ugly version to compare with.”

“Shut up you're ruining the moment go back to saying nice things and kissing me.”

Eren leans the rest of his body across the short distance between them and lands on top of Levi. “Is that so?” He immediately begins to pepper Levi’s neck and collarbones with big, sloppy kisses. Levi keens at the intimate touch, smiling widely.

“You sure as hell enjoy doing this.”

Eren hums, brushing his lips down Levi's smooth jaw, finally sucking a bruising bite underneath the bone there.

“I’m addicted to kissing you. I think it’s my favorite thing.” Eren continues his kisses, now mouthing at the tops of Levis’ shoulders and along his lower neck. “I love figuring out your sensitive spots, like here—”He gently bites at his earlobe. Levi lets out a moan. Eren's breath against his ear comes out in soft puffs. _Soft, soft, soft._

And it shouldn't turn Levi on as much as it does. Levi’s hands go up Eren’s back to fist around his hair, his legs wrap around Eren’s waist.

“—I love making you moan.”

Levi swallows hard. He feels like his mind is blank. He’s never shy about sexual stuff but there’s something different in the way Eren is saying these things, so softly, so openly so intimately that rendered him a whimpering mess.

“Mm, yeah?” He says gently. “What else?” Levi moves with a soft whimper. Eren moves then too, tightening his grip around him slightly until Levi relaxes into it. He pushes himself of the pillow, Eren smiling against him, as they slip into some game as to who can kiss the hardest.

Both of Eren's hands come up to cup his face and Levi parts his lips over Eren's, sucking his bottom lip in. Levi pushes his body into Eren's to get closer and curls around him as they turn facing each other.

“Eren…” Levi whines.

“Fuck, it turns me on so much the way you say my name like that.” Eren shifts his lower body so Levi could feel his arousal. “Your skin always feels so good under my hands. So soft despite the bruises and scars.” Eren’s hands then begin to move slowly down Levi’s naked skin, leaving wakes of goosebumps in his trail. He slides his palms over the curve of Levi’s small waist and rests them on the slight flare of his hips, mesmerized by the creamy pale skin.

“I love your body.” He sucks bruises down his torso, little red spots that would turn purple by tomorrow, and Levi wants that. Wants to get into the shower tomorrow and remember the indents of Eren’s teeth on his hipbones and the slide of Eren’s mouth over his V-line.

Eren loves how masculine Levi’s body is; strong muscles and flat chest with sparse hair, but feminine too. All velvety skin and an ass that fit in Eren’s hands just so. “You’re perfect.”

Eren curls his fingers against Levi's spine. “Tell me how this feels.” he murmurs low, a smirk slipping out in between.

Levi shudders into it bringing his own leg over Eren's to get even closer.

“Like it when you touch me like this.” Levi flushes. He rubs his lips over Eren's skin near his neck, licking the hollow of his throat.

Eren’s splays his fingers over Levi's chest to his nipples. Levi's mouth widens the kiss with a gasp and a whimper when Eren starts to massages them. His breath hitches, leaning into Eren's tightened grip “Makes me feel good.” Levi moans.

He pushes against him, his cock hardening as Eren continues.

“God, look at you,” Eren breaths out fast against Levi's ear. He feels Levi wrap himself closer, a desperate sound coming from his throat as he starts to move against Eren, his leg tightly around Eren's.

Eren’s hands grip Levi’s hips and rolls them down hard against his own, the waistband of his underwear a rough slide over the head of his cock when Eren repeats it over again. It’s desperate, dry, and unsatisfying, and Levi nips at Eren’s earlobe in place of begging for more.

Eren takes the hint, sits back, rolls again on his haunches to slip Levi’s briefs down his thighs, Levi’s legs rising to help. Now, finally both bare with Levi below Eren, he lets one foot fall into place over Eren’s thigh.

Eren curls his hand gently over the top of Levi’s ankle to run it down the length of his calf to his knee, then the outside of his thigh. He presses a kiss to the inside of his ankle before following a trail up the inside of his leg.

“Can't stop touching you,” The words fall from Levi's mouth without thought. Eren’s everywhere with his lips, his hands, his tongue, driving Levi crazy.

“Please don’t.” Levi moans. “I want you.”

Eren swears under his breath, stooping to kiss Levi hard, swallowing every pretty, desperate little sound he makes. The kiss is messy. Eren licks into Levi's mouth, listening to the delicious whines he pulls from him when he puts his hand between them, slowly stroking his cock.

“ _Oh, etwa so_?” Eren knows how much Levi loves it when he speaks German. Even though he doesn’t understand, it turns him on when Eren does it during sex. So he takes advantage of it. “Du wüßtest wohl gerne, was ich sage, hm?”

All Eren wants is to render Levi a gasping, writhing mess below him, to watch him cry out Eren’s name and shake as he cums. Their teeth clashing on the hitch of their moans tangling together, and Levi bucks up into his hold.

“ _Please._ ”

Precum already beads at the tip of Levi’s cock, which makes the slide of Eren’s hand – now joined by Levi’s in his impatience – so much more enticing.

“Gonna go slow with you,” Eren croaks out sounding wrecked all ready. “Gonna watch your face when I'm inside you.” Eren hisses, rutting against Levi’s cock in search of more and more friction. Anything he can get.

“And watch you come undone,” Eren's shaky breaths come out hot and fast against his lips “Fuck, you look so beautiful when you do.”

“ _Eren—_ ”

“Tell me what do you want?” Eren slows his hand. “ _Ich will dich betteln hören!”_

Levi knows what he wants. He’s been wanting it this whole time.

“I want… I want your fingers… inside me,” Levi moans out, precum spilling out of his slit.

And Eren obliges. He immediately reaches his top hand up and sticks his middle and index fingers in his mouth, coating them with saliva.

Levi isn't expecting it to be this hot but it is. He might as well come there and then. Eren had been asking for things to do whenever they’re in bed. Their first time had been with Levi’s instruction but since then Eren’s been learning what to do exactly and how to do it. He told Levi that he’s not ready yet to be the one on the receiving end and Levi respected his wishes. He’s used to switching so it didn’t really matter. It’s all about the pleasure.

Usually Eren would make him suck on his fingers. But now Eren is doing it and Levi has never been this turned on. Eren’s nostrils flare as he breaths out roughly, eyes heavy and hooded whilst Levi watches him get lost in it. And he has to touch himself, his hand wandering down to his own cock, jerking slowly at the sight.

“Spread your legs for me,” Eren mumbles as he hoists himself between Levi’s legs. Levi sucks his bottom lip between his teeth, rests his ankle on Eren’s shoulder while Eren holds his other leg up to Levi’s chest.

It’s a delicious sting; one that Levi knows he’s never going to get sick of, and the faint trail of Eren’s finger around his rim is enough to have him already so painfully close to the edge.

There's no denying Levi likes it rough. Of course there isn't. In times where Eren isn't anything but a tease Levi can't help but want it like that. Where Eren gives it to him good and unforgiving. Eren learned to take care of him, learned how to stretch him good enough, where to touch to make him a gasping, shivering mess.

But slow— _slow_ is new. Slow is all kisses and soft touches. Slow is Eren burying his finger inside of him slowly, while mouthing at his calf.  Eren begins to pump his finger in earnest. Levi’s hands curl in what they have a grasp on; one on the back of his thigh and the other curled in the blanket.

He gasps. It’s so good, everything Eren does is so good. He knows exactly what Levi needs, no matter what.

“You're so fucking beautiful,” Eren whispers, “So fucking good for me.” Beneath him Levi rests with his hair fanned out on the pillow, lips obscenely red raw and plump. His eyes fall from Levi's gaze and down to his neck where it’s deep with a flush, hips still moving, rocking against his finger.  

“ _Fühlt sich gut an, nicht wahr?”_ He asks him as he presses a second finger in along the first, pumping them slowly until he’s sure Levi is ready for him to spread them. “Feels good, doesn't it?”

Levi lets out a whimper in response.

“ _So good.”_

By the time he’s up to three fingers, scissoring him open, rubbing against his walls, he crooks them carefully at just the right angle over Levi’s prostate.

“ _Oh, fuck,_ Eren, _Eren,_ do that again,” Levi pleads, rolling his hips down on Eren’s knuckles. And Eren can’t say no to that. So he does, and he runs the pad of his thumb down the seam of Levi’s balls as he does. Just enough to have him crying out in pleasure. “I’m ready, I- _shit, Eren, please._ I’m ready,” He babbles.

Eren smiles, pulls his fingers from him. When he gets a hand around himself he realizes how neglected his cock has been this whole time. He hisses as he inhales sharply. Levi’s pleasure has become one of his main priorities. He wants to compensate by his lack of experience, making sure to focus on Levi’s pleasure and comfort.

Eren’s mouth easily finds Levi’s lips as he leans over, griping the pillow with one hand. Their kisses start soft and drawn out and Levi sucks in Eren's bottom lip before muffling a soft cry against them when Eren starts to push inside slowly bit by bit.

Levi’s eyes flutter shut at the stretch, and he groans Eren’s name. It’s low, broken, and it sends burning desire through every inch of Eren’s body. Levi’s fingernails dig into Eren’s back. It’s slow, agonizing, but he doesn’t dare rush it. He rests his head on Levi’s shoulder biting on his the skin to muffle his moans.

It’s such a tight, tight fit that Eren’s eyes roll into the back of his head, hips stilling. Nothing had ever felt this good.

He starts up a slow rhythm; each thrust into him careful, deep, but hard. Eren’s hands massage circles into Levi’s hips. “Is this okay?”

Underneath him, Levi’s head turns against the pillow as Eren rocks with him, watching his cock bounce against his stomach each time Eren fucks into him. Levi nods.

“That’s it,” he whimpers, “Right there. Right there.”

Eren kisses Levi’s ankle, still thrown over his shoulder, and leans back a small bit. He calls for Levi softly, runs the pad of his thumb over Levi’s bottom lip and pulls down on it. Levi’s eyelids flutter apart.

A drop of sweat runs down his chest, trickles down his torso. At the sight of where they are joined, his hips flush against Levi, just rocking forward slowly and grinding in deep, Eren has to lean over to kiss his neck and the little spot behind his ear. It makes Levi push back against him harder. Has to.

“I’m glad… you’re here,” he mumbles into Levi’s ear. “Glad it’s you.”

“Sap,” Levi snorts weakly but not in a mean way. Or maybe it is. Eren isn’t in the position to make any assumptions. This is just sex. Nothing else, right? Then why is it so intense?

Levi’s mouth falls slack for Eren to press two fingers in. Levi closes his lips around them, his tongue drawing slowly up them until it flicks over their tips.

He holds Eren’s eye while his tongue works over, between, around Eren’s fingers like it’s all he’s wanted for so long. Saliva dribbles down his chin and he moans, obscene, high on the sound of skin against skin and the wet noises he makes around Eren’s fingers.

Something in Eren snaps at the sensuality and he fucks into Levi so hard it surprises both of them. He doesn’t falter, doesn’t let the pace slip. Levi’s eyes roll back into his head, mouth parting and eyes screwed shut, lost in pleasure.

" _Du machst mich an.”_

That thick roll of his tongue laced with that deep, rich accent makes Levi shiver.

He cries out, loud and needy, thighs straining as he meets Eren’s every thrust, harder and deeper and faster, his fingers digging into Levi’s hips. Eren never wants to forget this, this feeling, this view, _fuck,_ Levi looks downright sinful like this. All laid out and lost in pleasure, sweat glinting by the dim candle light.

“Yeah, fuck, yes,” Levi whimpers, voice rough, “’M close.”

Eren could feel it too, pooling in the bottom of his belly, about to burst. He reaches around, fingers fisting over Levi’s thick cock. He’s dripping precum over his stomach.

He knew this is it. When Levi’s body jerks forward with a groan and he bites down on his lips, shooting over Eren’s fist and his chest, clenching down so hard around Eren. It only takes him four more thrusts before his own orgasm hits him hard, Levi’s name spilling from his lips like it’s the only word he’s ever learned and his hips stuttering harshly as they meet Levi’s ass.

He presses down on Levi’s mouth to muffle the harsh noises spilling from his throat, then bites into Levi’s bottom lip. Levi’s nails dig into Eren’s back as he rides out his own aftershocks.

They roll onto their sides, still joined. Eren’s arm curled tighter over Levi’s stomach where he had cum on but neither of them cared.

They’re completely spent, sweat-slicked and sticky with the remnants of his own release. His hips still twitch. Levi’s shivering, feeling vulnerable and a bit afraid of what would follow next but too exhausted to think too much. He feels Eren brush his hair away from his flushed face, eyelids already heavy as he comes crashing down from the high.

“ _Liebling.”_ Eren leans into his warmth to kiss him again and again and again.

_This isn’t just sex. He has to… he has to see that too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know how the hell it turned from 5k to 12k!?!?!?  
> I tried to be on time but for health reasons I didn't lmao my body truly hates me. Sigh :(((  
> The cons of writing a WIP inconsistently is forgetting the timeline and having to go back and look for it. So if anyone else is confused as I am It's been 9 months since Eren joined the base, a month since Hope's birth in September which makes them today in October :')  
> Anyway, Eren speaking German/clueless Levi is my kink <3 <3   
> I hope y'all enjoy this chapter. Have a great day/night wherever you are in the world. (It's currently almost 5 am here lmao) Love you all <3 <3   
> Tumblr: [@peachesandcreamss](https://peachesandcreamss.tumblr.com/)


	28. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I come back from the dead with some fluff/filler? Yes.  
> 

Winter is approaching fast. Mama, Sasha and Hitch get busy with preparing the meat for preservation.

The slightest delay of the hunters causes some apprehension among the rest of the community members. Armin even mentioned the possibility of crafting tracers so that they could know where they were at all times, but changed his mind when he saw Eren's expression.

They were not in the city. They could do without it. They’ve always had.

The nearest room to the infirmary is transformed into a laboratory. Shortly before Nile's death, they’ve been able to recover the equipment needed to create an effective laboratory, with a decontamination chamber and a sanitized space for work. Nobody has the right to enter except for Hanji and Krista. 

Hanji explains that a vaccine is created from a dead or attenuated version of the virus. So they hope that studying the reactions of a sample of zombie skin, for example, in contact with their version of the remedy, or vaccine, or whatever Hanji called it, would help them progress. Levi doesn’t know anything about it, but he understands that there is a difference between a vaccine and a cure and that the zombie skin is not the best choice to determine if the product created is effective. 

Apparently, a remedy works after contamination while a vaccine is intended to prevent it. Hanji and Krista are also trying to prevent the transformation from taking place after the bite, but the transformation has already taken place in a zombie.

Levi doesn’t understand everything, just that it’s complicated and that he doesn’t know if they were going to find anything that would save their lives someday. 

Kenny and Tomas accompany Hanji and Krista to take samples outside. On zombies. Dead ones, obviously. 

Levi had not yet come out for this kind of missions. He just does the hunting. 

When she’s not busy in her laboratory, Krista is learning from everyone on the outside world in HQ. She had already read three-quarters of the newspapers the Survivors had collected over the years. Hannes kept asking those who go out to bring back whatever they can find. He thinks it’s helpful in educating the young generations about what the world was like before the epidemic. 

Krista didn’t know anything of the world before the Contamination. As Eren had explained to Levi, this was not taught in the City. To speak of it is prohibited. Some had general knowledge, passed down by the elders, by those who knew the world before 2024.

Eren had told Levi that it’s known more in the undergrounds, the "dark areas" as he called them. There, they’re less inclined to respect the rules. All kinds of rules. Deprivation, relationships, banning talking about the past or using any form of old art. Whether paintings, music, books, poetry, all that had disappeared. Any creation that could inspire people and instill hope is prohibited. 

In the dark areas, some things are still there. On the other hand, in the brighter zones, the rich zones, no one violates the law. Their obedience allows them to live in comfort. 

Nobody is willing to risk looking for more information in the high neighborhoods.

While in the undergrounds, some say that they have nothing to lose anyway. It’s also a different culture, according to Hanji. 

A culture of the forbidden.

“Did you know that during the Contamination, the Paradis Air Force had bombed ships from the rest of Europe trying to join the island? They killed those poor people who wanted to take refuge with us.” Krista gasps lowering the old newspaper to glance at them.

Levi looks up from his position in one of the couches. Petra, Mike, Ymir, Connie, Armin are playing a board game while Eren is reading near him. Hanji and Mikasa are chatting on their own end of the couch, lost in their bubble. Hope gurgles in his hands and Eren glances at her smiling. 

They all knew about that. 

“They did worse,” Petra adds softly. “The authorities told those who reached our shores that they would check to see if they were sick before letting them in. They made them wait in camps before taking them by groups. Turns out these people were not tested. They could be healthy or sick for all we know, it did not matter. They were all killed. This has been kept secret for months before the truth broke out. In the worst moments of humanity, the same methods were used as during one of the darkest periods in history. Kitz said that these camps were similar to those that existed in Germany during the Second World War. It was used to parry and kill Jews, homosexuals, communists and resistance militants.” 

Krista’s lips part in shock and she glances at Eren who clears his throat nervously. He had talked to Levi vaguely about the fact that they still use these methods in the City. Levi wonders if he participated in any of these killings. He wills these thoughts away. It’s none of his business anyway. They all did bad things.

“Some say that Eldians did what they could to protect themselves where others did not know how to do it.” Armin continues. “This is not the worst that has been done, though. England, France, the United States and Korea have launched nuclear bombs on Russia trying to eradicate the source of spread. Moscow. Saint Petersburg. Not far from the borders, even. Turkey cut off all ties with its nationals who were on the European tip of its territory. Turkey sacrificed part of its own country.” 

Krista searched her documents for a map of the world.

“What about ... Australia? And islands around? The Philippines? New Zealand? America? Africa?”

“The population in Africa and Asia has been decimated as far as we know.” Mike rolls the dice as he explains. He moves his token before turning his attention to her. “As for Europe, the latest news is that the virus was spreading on the Philippine islands. We do not know about Australia. They may have succeeded in isolating themselves and surviving, if they cut off all exchange with the rest of the world as they planned to do when the latest news came out of them. Same for America. We do not know what they have become. To protect themselves, they let the rest of the world die. The communications were blocked. All the lines of transport have stopped. No more planes, no more boats. Maybe it was too late and they too were contaminated, maybe not. Before, there was something called ... Internet. It was like a giant network with data online, it could be accessed from any computer. Internet no longer exists today. At least, the version we know of. We no longer have satellites because we don’t have governments to control them, we no longer have space intelligence programs, we have nothing left. So no more phones, no more networks. No more electricity, because power stations have been destroyed. We don’t know what they have become.” Mike lets out a humorless chuckle. “The worst part is that there could be life somewhere. But we can’t know it from here, because we have no way of communicating.”

“What about long-distance radios?” Krista asks, looking through her documents again. “Why aren’t we using them? At least to check if people are still alive on the rest of the continent? In France, in Belgium?”

“Because we don’t have any.” Kenny replies as he walks in to sit next to the elders. “It's not easy to find this kind of material. Everyone didn’t have one in their living room at the time of the contamination. Mobile phone networks and internet were the dominant devices. We were completely dependent on that before.”

She glances at him, a frown etches itself between her brows.

“Then there is no way to know if it is possible to live better elsewhere? Safer? Maybe there is a country where life is normal and we don’t know?”

HQ grows silent at that question.

“Do you think that if there were intact countries somewhere in the world, wouldn’t they have let us know? Wouldn’t they have sent missions to check on the situation here?” Levi asks, smiling softly at Hope who’s tugging at his finger around her tiny fist.

Krista sighs and runs a hand through her hair.

“I don’t know, I'm just trying to—”

“Find a loophole. I know. There isn’t any.”

It’s what she’s doing. Maybe the pressure she has on her shoulders is too hard to go through. Maybe she feels that they would never find the cure and that a solution can be found elsewhere.

Except that there isn’t any. It’s not that Levi is pessimistic— which he is, but there really isn’t a way out of this hell.

Ymir puts an arm around Krista's shoulders and hugs her for comfort. Levi too had asked these questions, he too was disappointed by the answers. 

For some, it didn’t matter. Dreaming of a better unreachable world is useless and whimsical. It’s an idea that would only serve to make them lose sight of their reality. The one where they are stuck here, in this life, in this world, in this country, in this Base, with no choice than to survive fighting the zombies at their doorstep.

It’s all they know.

It’s all they have. 

“What we have to do to survive changes us.” Petra utters these words as Krista asks about the aftermath of the Contamination and what became of the survivors. “Killings. Massacres. Looting. Rape. Everything you could ever think of and worse. It all happened.”

It all goes back to conversation Levi had with Armin on his will to get out and fight like them. He would always ask Levi why he keeps dodging his questions and sheltering him inside. Levi never thought of him as weak or unworthy of being trusted. He simply didn’t want Armin to have to face that kind of violence. So the world won't lose any more of his smiles. The world has already ran out of them a long time ago.

The world won't miss them. But he wants to preserve that, maybe for his selfish reasons. It’s too precious to taint. He obviously doesn’t have control of the situation and unfortunately Armin is right. He won’t always be there to take the burden away from him.

It is a burden. The biggest of them all.

Once you know how it feels to hurt another human being, you can't go back.

Even without talking about it, they’re all thinking of the same things. The same images flicker through their minds: scenes of horror and terror, humans with their limbs cut off, the sounds of bullets slamming into flesh. The desperation and intent of using any means in order to survive. Machetes and sharp knives slashing throats. Hands tainted with blood that isn’t their own. The loss of loved ones and crying over their remains and sometimes just their rotten flesh or their bones.

Everything they did, everything they went through, it all changed them.

And there’s no turning back from that.

**

Levi is laying in one of the empty rooms, where the stars are drawn on the ceiling. He didn’t come here since Nile’s death. Where they had the last conversation. The fluorescent constellations are still on the ceiling. It was raining outside and there were clouds, he did not want to go out on the roof. But he needed to isolate himself for a few hours. Just to think about what happened.

The door opens.Levi tenses, shrinking down in the shadows. He doesn’t know who’s here but he instantly shies away from the idea of being found. He just needs a few more minutes.

“Levi?”

It’s Eren’s voice and Levi doesn't know whether to melt with relief or dive to hide away from the candle light by the door.

But he stays where he is and holds his breath.

For a moment, the room remains silent. Then a shoe scuffs against the floor. He hears a sigh and the door closing. The light does not go out. 

A large familiar figure crouches near Levi. Eren tips his head to one side, contemplative.

“Yeah… I knew it. You’re moping again.”

It's not what Levi expected him to say. Not at all. All he can do is stare.

Then the candle is blown, plunging them back into semi darkness. 

“How did you find me?”

Levi scoots aside. Just an inch or so; not enough to really even make a difference. But it's an invitation all the same, and Eren takes him up on it without a word, slotting into the small space beside Levi.

“You told me about this room when we were outside, stuck in that apartment. You were not on the roof, or HQ, or the cafeteria or with Kenny.”

“So you went around the base with your candle to find me. Did my presence become too vital for you?”

“I was afraid you’d go outside by yourself. It’s late and cold and— _You know_.”

Levi smiles. Eren was worried about him.  

“Do you want to tell me why you're blaming yourself this time?”

Levi’s chest constricts. “What makes you think I’m blaming myself for anything?”

“Because that's what you do when you need to lock yourself away. You hide from everyone and swim in your thoughts, so nobody can contradict you and you let these ideas drill into your head.”

Levi reaches blindly for Eren, his hand brushing on his hip.

“Eren Jeager, get out of my head. When did I tell you that?”

He smiles. “I guessed it.” 

Levi sighs. 

“You're annoying.”

“I won’t leave you until you start talking.”

Levi falters for a moment. He doesn’t know what he really feels to put it in words. It’s all jumbled in his head and it’s a mess he doesn’t know how to sort.

“I saw _him_ today. I didn’t want to or plan to do it but it happened. It’s no big deal right?” He chuckles to himself. “Wrong. Of course it is. I don’t know what happened to me. I— I don’t even know—”

“It’s okay.” Eren whispers next to him. The faint glow from the drawing reflects on his face. Not too bright but enough for Levi to see his eyes when he turns on his side to look at him. “It’s just me. Take it easy.”

Levi is silent for a moment, his hand absently runs up and down Eren’s thigh.

“I hate him. So much.” He starts. “But for a second I felt bad for him. I didn’t know why. I didn’t get a satisfaction from seeing him humiliated by others as he scrubs the toilets. Which made me think.” He looks away for a moment. “I was ready to ban him, kill him. In the blink of an eye. Without a regret. A person that I've known for years. With whom I shared good times as bad times, with whom I laughed, with whom I cried, my roommate, my friend. Another human that I deeply cared about. I know what goes on outside. We lived together. I saw it through the stories of all the people who have joined our group in recent years. I lived it as a child. And yet, I was ready to ban Erwin and get rid of him. Thinking it would be a solution. But when I saw him I just— I felt something weird in me. I felt so sorry for him. He was hurt. Hanji told me that he’s having some type of hallucinations. Armin is messing with the light in his cell and driving him crazy. And when he kept calling my name I—”

He can already feel himself getting angry. “He kept calling for my fucking name and I fucking hate him for that. How can he still get into my head by just seeing him? I don’t understand.” He pulls his hand away and turns on his back to stare at the ceiling. “Why the fuck do I feel bad for him? Why is he making me question everything?” He spits angrily. “And it was just for a split second I just saw him as I was walking around and then I ran away.”

Eren leans forward, reaching down to give Levi's shoulder a nudge. “You’ve been together for a long time. It’s normal for you to feel like this. It's an adjustment.”

 _An adjustment._ That doesn't cover the half of it.

Eren falls silent again, and Levi folds himself over him, soaking in his warmth to keep him steady. What a mess he’s become. He can't lie to himself. It's nice. It's comfortable, having someone else pressed up against him.

“It made me realize that I wanted to act as the Authorities of the City. I have always said that this behavior is inhuman, that we can’t send people to death that way, and I was ready to do exactly the same thing. While Erwin knows how to cope outside, I would not have been better off than those who sent you and Krista outside. I despise them, I criticize their system and what they represent. Hanji told me that everything was a question of perspective and maybe she is right. I still think that Erwin screwed up. I believe what Kenny sentenced him to is fair, but I ... I was ready to go further. I wanted to go further. I was filled with hatred. If you had not reasoned with me, I would have killed someone that mattered to me without batting an eye. I'm not like Kenny. Kenny would not have accepted that eventually. He accepted your idea because it was appropriate and did not put Erwin's life in danger while punishing him accordingly. Kenny is fair. He doesn’t get carried away by his emotions. And I’m—” 

He takes a shuddering breath.

“I can’t even stick to my decisions. Sometimes I feel like I'm lost in this shit you know. The horror, blood, death looming around. It's as if I’m getting tainted and becoming like the monsters that I always hated. Sometimes I feel like I’m... too harsh. I let myself get overwhelmed by what we live outside and let it consume me and guide my choices. I'm afraid one day I will not be able to recognize myself. That I am no longer able to distinguish right from wrong and it terrifies me.”

Eren loops his arm around Levi’s shoulders, and Levi melts against him before he can think twice.

“I don’t think it's that simple. You are not a bad person. You get a little too carried away by your emotions, yes. You're passionate by nature, maybe a little too much sometimes. You just have to... keep in mind that you can’t let this eat at you. You're not the person who wanted to kill Erwin.” 

“Maybe I became one.”

He's been starting to wonder if all those times rejecting touch was just him being difficult. But then again, this is entirely different. He feels safe and it should scare him.

“I think that to survive in this world, one will be tainted. There’s no choice there. You are not ... bad, Levi. You tried to save Nile. You protect everyone. You would give your life for this remedy. You saved me. You do what you can. You just have to be careful not to let the darkness of this world affect you too deeply. You are not that person. You just go a little bit crazy when… someone threatens the safety of the people you care about.” 

Did Eren already know? Did he already feel how much Levi cares about him while he himself refuses to admit it? Is he aware that if Levi had reacted so violently, it was because Erwin had endangered those he loved too much? Nile. Furlan. Eren.

Even worse. He had forced Levi to face one of his greatest fears: helplessness in the face of danger. Not being able to save the people he cared for. He had to kill Nile. He almost couldn’t bring Eren home.

He had failed to protect them. 

Levi could bear being put in danger. That was not even why he was angry. He gives less importance to his life than to others. This had always been the case. The fury of Levi would not have had the same intensity if he had been alone. But the acts of Erwin had serious consequences for Nile and Eren.

This is why he hates getting attached to people.

“You're not a monster. You're just trying to protect those you care about and not being able to achieve that drives you crazy.”

Eren's voice is so low, a whisper only for him to hear. Levi swallows and closes his eyes, forcing himself to continue.

“It's not an excuse. Mikasa cares about everyone else and she doesn’t pull the shit that I do when things go south. I shouldn’t lash out like this as soon as my family is affected. Not against you or my friends or even people like Erwin. I shouldn’t be losing control like this.” 

Eren doesn’t answer. Levi ever so softly rubs his cheek.

“Would you do me a favor, bring me back when I get too lost? You seem to have figured out how this shitty brain works.”

“First of all don’t say that. Your brain is not shitty. Matter of fact I love it. It’s my favorite brain around here. And again you’re the one who let me in. Things wouldn’t be the same if we didn’t open up to each other.”

Levi feels a smile stretch softly across his lips. He remembers these words. Eren told him that on the night of Krista's arrival.

“And if you lose yourself. I'll bring you back.” Levi doesn’t even know how they got so close as Eren utters these words inches away from his lips. Levi trails his fingertips across Eren’s features, almost adoringly, down to his neck. Their lips brush without even kissing. 

“As long as I’m here with you, I’ll bring you back.” 

He can’t stop his heart from fluttering at these words. It’s a promise. A promise to be there for him when things go wrong. A promise that Levi will hold onto for dear life.

“I know you would.”

Then Levi kisses him, his heart pounding in his chest threatening to break out. Because of Eren's words, because of their proximity, because of them. 

Eren slides his arm around Levi’s waist bringing him closer. He turns on his back, dragging Levi with him. His hands ghost over Levi’s skin under his shirt. 

Levi feels feverish under Eren’s touch. He doesn’t even know if he had ever loved kissing someone as much as he does now. 

That should worry him. Make the bells ring in his head. Make him understand that he’s falling into what he had always tried to avoid.

But Levi never panicked in Eren's arms.

Levi lets loose with Eren.

He’s never fully in control with him. Neither of himself nor of the situation.

Levi feels nothing but the ground beneath his body and Eren's body on his. In him. His breath on his neck. His lips lingering on his shoulder. Their hands linked together, fingers intertwined. He hears nothing but Eren’s moans in his ear and his heartbeat against his. He sees nothing but his face in the dimly lit room, his beautiful bright eyes that he’s grown to love.

They don’t pull away even when they’re both spent coming from the high of pleasure. Their lips meet in another kiss. Even though it’s messy, even if it’s just lips pressed lazily, they don’t let go. 

They lay stretched against each other in an almost desperate hug. Levi doesn’t want to let go. 

And maybe he should have started to panic at that moment.

**

“Be careful it’s still slippery.” Eren whispers as he holds out his hands for Levi.

The morning air hits Levi as he pushes himself out of the trapdoor. He shivers, taking a whiff of the fresh air. “Why are we whispering again?” He takes his hand to steady himself.

“I don’t know. It’s your idea of going to see the fucking sunrise out of nowhere.” Eren whispers again but the clears his throat before speaking normally. “Just shut up and be careful. I don’t even know why I’m following you.”

Levi grins as he walks on the slippery roof. “It’s not as wet as I thought it’d be.” He hums to himself. “Good.”

He carefully sits down near the edge, Eren next to him. He rubs his arms to get some warmth in them. Seconds later, he’s engulfed in a soft blanket as Eren pulls him closer.

“Didn’t I tell you to bring a jacket because it’s cold?” Eren scolds. “But _no!_ Of course, you won’t listen. _It’s not that cold Eren_ —” He mocks. “Stop laughing it’s not funny.”

Levi leans his head against his shoulder laughing softly.

“Of course it is. You sound like Kenny.”

Eren huffs. Levi trails a kiss on his shoulder.

“Maybe I just wanted you to woo me with your chivalrous acts of bringing me your comfy big jackets.”

Eren smiles against his failed attempts at pretending to be mad. “I can’t afford to give you this jacket. Don’t think I forgot about my other ones that are tossed in your closet _.”_

 _“Our closet_ now that we share the room.” Levi corrects him. “And maybe, I liked the way they smelled and didn’t want to give them back.”

Eren leans his head over Levi’s.

“Maybe I didn’t ask because I liked the way they fit you.”

Levi looks over at the sky instead of replying, feeling his face heat up. The sky is like a canvas filled with rosy clouds and golden hues. Levi wanted to witness this view. It’s his favorite. The fresh smell of rain and grass from the nearby greens filled his nostrils. The warmth from the soft blanket and Eren seep into his bones. Eren’s soft humming of an unfamiliar song is the only sound through the silent morning.

Everything is calm and beautiful. Levi loves the serenity that comes with this view of outstretched lands before him. It makes him think of how big the universe is. Of how serenity feels like in this world of calamity.

Early mornings are their own reward.

“You know, sometimes surviving these battles doesn't really seem to mean anything in the end.” Levi mutters after a while. “I've been fighting for as long as I can remember. I've never had anything other than my daggers. But then when I think about it. It’s pointless. What am I even fighting for? You know.”

Eren hums thoughtfully.

“I survived but then what? What’s the point?”

Eren frowns and pulls away to glance at him. His green eyes glow under the faint golden sunlight. It reflects against his beautiful face, softening the edges.

When he laughs, it sounds uncertain. “Don't get me wrong I don't want to die.” He pauses. “But I continue to fight because that's all I know. It's all there is to live. I’m only here to fight for other people’s dreams. My dad wants to have a huge community and kinda restore humanity back outside the walls. Hanji and Krista want to find a cure. You wanted to make a project that ensures equality in the City. Armin keeps making things to enhance our lives in the base.” He narrates bobbing his head from side to side. “Everyone is betting on their unrequited hopes. Looking over all of them it feels like I can see their little dreams and hopes. And I realize that I don't have one. It feels pathetic to think about this in such situation. But I'm just there fighting for their dreams.”

“I don’t think it’s pathetic.” Eren links their arms, trailing his fingers gently up and down Levi’s. “See, where I live people don’t go on to do great things. They stay in the same place, they grow up and have kids, and then we grow up and do the same exact thing. It’s just an endless cycle and before you know it you’re tied down with commitments and responsibilities that you never asked for. No one around there makes their dreams a reality. Actually— Dreams are forbidden there. So we just sit around wasting our lives away. I get what you mean. But I don't necessarily agree.”

“How so?”

“You don’t have to have a big dream like the others. You always go out of your way to help others and protect their dreams and that's valid. That's your purpose right now. It doesn't mean it's less important or that you're pathetic. Maybe you'll find something else one day and maybe you won't and that's okay as long as you're alive and well, you'll always keep dreaming and changing and finding new goals. Even fighting for a better life for Hope is a goal. Having the same dream as Kenny or adopting his dream is also okay.”

“Yeah I guess.”

“And you know what? To keep those faint lights of hopes and dreams from withering out we have you, _the protector of hope_.”

Levi chuckles.

“The _what_ now?”

“The protector of hope.” Eren grins childlike and cute. “Because if it wasn't for you and the other teams risking your lives in order to keep that flame from flickering away there wouldn't be a community or a hope. Your existence and your work is as important as their dreams. I personally think you're really cool for doing everything that you do for your community even though you don't necessarily get along with everyone. Each and everyone shines his own wisp of hope into the community. And you know what, fighting to keep witnessing this—” He waves his hands around. “It’s also a dream worth living for.”

“Now you sound like Anna.”

“I’ll take that.” Eren shrugs. “She’s a very smart and wise woman.”

“She is and in a sense you are.”

Eren reaches his hand, tightens it on Levi’s cheeks, smooshing them a little, making his lips pucker adorably. He coos loudly. “See. We’re actually perfect for each other.”

Levi huffs incredulously. He pulls away slapping at his arm playfully. “I’m offended that you sound so surprised.”

“Shut up and watch the sunrise.”

He pulls Levi closer, leaning into him.

Levi just looks at the sun, bubbling with warmth as it rises gently, casting daylight over the horizon. Its golden glow no match for the warmth that Eren has put in his heart and he ruthlessly clamps down on the emotion that could destroy him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! So... My laptop was broken for a while and all my data was deleted including this fic and my other WIP. Which is partly why I didn't update for a while.  
> Anyway I hope you like this messy chapter. Thank you so much for being supportive and sticking up with me through these inconsistencies it means a lot <3 <3  
> Kudos and comments are so appreciated <3 <3  
> Also I am featured in [Ereri-Newsletter](https://ereri-newsletter.tumblr.com/post/178796440783/september-newsletter) which is really really cool!!! Check it out guys if you haven't. There's a lot of cool Ereri content!!  
> Anyway that's all have a nice day/night wherever you are in the world.  
> [Tumblr](https://peachesandcreamss.tumblr.com/)


	29. The boy from Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Alright everybody.” Kruger turned to the rest of the soldiers. His voice filtering loud and clear on Eren’s earpiece. “You check on everyone’s chips whoever doesn’t cooperate or tries to run away, eliminate them. Try to limit the epidemic from spreading even further.”  
> “Yes sir.” Came the united reply.  
> It was Eren’s first time killing a person. A fourteen-year-old child with a rifle too big for his small hands, wandering around in the dirty adult world. And it wasn’t the last time.  
> It was just the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going through Eren's head this time.

_“Did you forget, mister?”_

Eren blinks.

He hears distant laughter.

He looks around. The hallway is covered with bodies, brilliant shards of glass and blood.

The air is charged with fear and resentful energy. He can feel it everywhere around him.

_“Ring around the Rosie,”_

It was then that Eren looks down and find his hand curled around a firearm. It is police issued standard with its safety off.

_“Pocket full of posies,”_

Eren knows it’s a dream.

Faces of people keep morphing into others. Shapes and shadows mixing.

Somebody is pushing him into the smoke again, and he has a weapon in hand, different each time. Somebody is pushing him into the thick cloud to kill.

_“Ashes, ashes,”_

Somebody planting murder in his mind, and his body yearning for it.

The door slowly creaks open.

_“We all fall down.”_

Eren is stepping inside, into a room. The room is filled with corpses and under the bright bare of the only lightbulb, in the pool of blood, stands a boy.

The boy from home, the boy with dead eyes. He stands unmoving, silent.

Then—

_“You forgot.”_ The boy cocks his head to the side. Suddenly, blood is filing out of his mouth and the corners of his eyes. _“Shame on you, mister.”_  

Eren wakes to the dark room, heaving, drenched with sweat. His lungs hurt. Blinking rapidly, he tries to calm down. The darkness makes it harder to breath so he wraps an arm around Levi’s waist and presses himself against him until he can feel every heave of his chest when he breathes.

He was claustrophobic once, still is sometimes. The doctors told him and his father about the situation and how it’s not something that he can fix just like that, but that didn’t really stop his father from locking him inside one of the meat freezers in the basement. He said it was good for cold endurance too, in case someone ever used it as a torture method.

He was grateful towards his father at the time thinking it was for his own benefit. If someone ever did torture him, he’d like to be able to make it out alive after all.

He stays like that, basking in Levi’s warmth and feeling himself smiling softly when Levi mumbles something incoherent in his sleep. He counts with each breath, closing his eyes, until the tremors leave him and he can no longer see the boy with black eyes.

The boy from home.

**

Bright shafts of sunlight filtered through the gently waving fronds of the trees warm Levi’s skin. He’s holding Eren’s hand as he moves deeper into the forest. The only sound is the cracking branches beneath their feet.

He didn’t really have to hold Eren’s hand, after all he is capable of following around. Levi just found himself doing it and the blush creeping on Eren’s cheek encouraged him even more.

“Where are we going again?” Eren asks.

“I told you it’s a surprise.”

Eren mumbles something under his breath and Levi smiles.

“At least tell me how long are we going to walk for.”

“We’re almost there. Jeez stop complaining.”

Eren sighs but says nothing as he takes in the surroundings. It’s nice and serene, greens and tall trees fill the land before him. The breeze is cozy and the sun is shining brightly. It’s uplifting after all the cloudy weather and rain.

Levi pulls him into a wooded area. He jokes about how Levi is finally done with him and he’s taking him to strange places to kill him. Levi doesn’t seem amused by it.

They’ve been doing this for a while now. They pack some food and Levi shows him around to his secret places. A hill not far away, a land of yellow wildflowers, random places that they shouldn’t visit alone, places that could be dangerous but it’s thrilling. 

They've discussed plenty of topics during their strolls together, some more revealing than what Eren means for them to be, but being with Levi is easy. Slow walks together, hands held tight together, light conversation and loud laughter. He finds himself admitting things, thousands of miles from a place he never got to call home, that he never would otherwise. Not after Isabel anyway. He would be lying if he says he doesn’t miss anyone. Because he misses certain people but it’s useless to think about it now.

It’s easy to sneak out from the base without anyone knowing. Levi had brought him from the abandoned corridor at the back of the base. Eren has never been out from that side until now. The rusty opening led to an unfamiliar pathway to the forest. Levi beamed at the thought of showing him something new. Eren wanted to see that smile more. He felt warm and fuzzy to be the one causing it.

Levi tugging at his hand pulls him out of his thoughts.

“We’re here.”

He pushes through more branches to stand at the top of a small hill.

“Woah…” Eren’s eyes widen at the sight a few feet below him.

_“Ta-da!”_ Levi announces turning to face him gauging his reaction. He begins to descend backwards, pebbles crunching beneath his boots.

The small path leading to a flat lake is filled with every size of rock - from boulders big enough to sit on, to grains. The air is fragranced with the pine trees that circled the lake, growing so close that some had toppled in and others dangle roots into the water. Shimmers moved across the deep green surface.

It’s really beautiful.

“Come on don’t stand there!” Levi calls to him as he drops his back on the ground. He cocks his head to the side frowning at him.

Eren hurries down and almost trips over the slippery rocks making Levi laugh.

On the surface of the lake, distorted by the ruffled water, is his own face. Eren dips his fingers at the shore only to withdraw them just as fast. The opaque waters are icy even in the shallows.

“Do you like it here?” Levi asks from behind him.

“Yeah.” Eren looks back to where Levi has sat. “I love it. Thanks for bringing me.”

Eren can see Levi’s face heat up as he dismisses him adorably. He only has to say something nice for Levi to get all adorable about it.

“Didn’t I tell you to stop thanking me for stupid shit like this? Come sit.”

“It’s not stupid. It means a lot to me.”

For a second Eren forgets that they’re in an apocalypse. For a second he forgets that there are zombies outside. For a second he only thinks of him and Levi living in another reality where they can do this all the time with no fear whatsoever. A time where he wouldn’t wake up to Levi crying because he’s had a nightmare about the things he did. A time where going outside doesn’t mean death.

But that’s not the reality he’s in and as much as he wants it this is all he has. So he sits next to Levi’s cross-legged form and enjoys these little moments.

“Your hair is getting really long.” Levi notes as he takes a bite from his jam sandwich. “Don’t you want to cut it?”

Eren tenses at the thought, hand instinctively coming up to the side of his scalp where the scar had already faded. Instead, he reaches for the loose strand of hair, escaping from his bun, and combs it behind his ear.

“Why? Does it look bad?” He feels self-conscious now. He tries to take care of it as best as he can.

Levi’s eyes widen as he shakes his head, breadcrumbs at the corners of his mouth. “No, no it looks good.” His tongue darts out to wet his lips. Eren follows the motion. “I mean doesn’t it bother you? When we’re outside or something? It’s not really practical.”

Eren looks down at the rocks, frown etched on his face, sandwich long forgotten on his lap. “No. It’s fine. I like it like this.” His tone comes out a bit snappier than he intends for it to be and Levi frowns at the reaction.

Eren feels guilty for snapping at him so he tries again, softer. “I promised myself to keep it growing until I get bored of it. It’s— It’s stupid I know.” He chuckles in embarrassment.

“It’s not. But why?”

He looks back up and shrugs before averting his eyes to the green water in front of him. He didn’t want to say it at first. It reminds him of how pathetic he is for holding on to this memory till this day. But then the words escape his lips.

He’s thirteen again. He’ll never forget the way his father pinned him to the bathroom floor and shaved his head last time he refused to let them trim his hair. The sound of the scissors was awful, but the sound of the razor was infinitely worse. He’d only stopped struggling when it nicked his scalp. Even his chocked up cries and pleas were ignored because his dad won’t have a son that isn’t disciplined.

Eren glares silently at the ground. He feels like spiting at the memory.

When he looks up, he sees emotions flicker in Levi’s eyes and before he even gets the chance to dismiss it, Levi leans closer trailing a kiss on the crown of his head.

“Well you know what; grow the shit out of it. It looks good on you.”

Eren feels himself smile slowly.

“Really?”

“Yeah… it’s sexy.” He licks his lips, winking. “Especially when I pull on it as I fuck your pretty face.” He smirks as Eren chuckles, rolling his eyes.

**

Levi considers himself a decent fighter. He'd been able to hold his own against people twice his size sometimes.  His fighting partner, more like mentor, has always been Nile. He started this “training together with Eren” thing a few days ago. Eren submitting under Levi’s insistence.

_“Hey, would you like to train with me?” Levi asks settling his book on his chest as he glances at Eren standing shirtless in the room._

_Eren glances around, pendant shining under the light, his expression neutral._

_“I know I’m good but having you as a rival would be refreshing.” Levi says, when he doesn't respond, “You know, from your obvious skills. I want to learn more.”_

_“I’m not sure that's a good idea…” Eren trails off, because he isn't._

_“Come on you don’t think I'd be a good student?” Levi cocks an eyebrow._

_“That isn't what I'm worried about.”_

_“What is it, then?”_

_“I don’t know… I don’t want to hurt you. I’m not qualified to teach anyone anything.”_

_Levi scoffs. “Bullshit. Now you’re being too cocky.”_

_Eren doesn’t look amused. “Take it however you want. I am trained enough to torture you in so many ways without killing you with objects from this room. But not in a way to help you improve, I don’t think so.”_

_Levi frowns. “That doesn’t sound like a mechanic’s work.”_

_“I told you I wasn’t just that in the City.”_

_“You never say enough anyway the moment I bring it up you run away.”_

_“Levi…”_

_Levi raises his hands in defense._

_“Fine.” He bites back his annoyance to focus back on the topic. “I want to learn more though. I am a big boy I can take care of myself anyway.”_

_“I'm not a patient teacher,” Eren says, the words leaving his mouth before he can stop them._

_“I don't care,” Levi says instantly._

_“I'll be hard on you.”_

_Levi smirks._

_“The hell you will.”_

_Eren chuckles, serious demeanor cracking._

_“You could ask Kenny. He was in military remember.”_

_“I’d rather do it with you.” He smiles at him, open and guileless. “It has always been Nile but now he’s gone and I just—”_

_“What if I hurt you?”_

_“Greatness requires suffering, I guess. Besides what makes you think I won’t take you down?”_

_Eren smirks before putting a shirt on._

_“Wanna bet?”_

Which is specifically why he ends up on the floor, head held down with his hand twisted behind his back. Eren shifts his weight on top of him as Levi groans fighting against him.

“I told you.”

“Shut up.”

Levi snaps, struggling against the tight hold. Eren gets off him and helps him on his feet again.

“One more time.”

“You like being on your ass that much?”

Levi narrows his eyes.

“Okay one more.” Eren shakes his head, walking away, the hard rubber knives dancing carelessly in his hands as he takes his position. There’s a moment of stillness where Levi anticipates the next move.

Eren smirks and then he charges.

Eren goes left, Levi goes right. ducking to the ground, stretching his legs towards Eren, going for a kick against his ankle, but Eren leaps over it, knives going for Levi’s hips and wrist respectively.

Levi rolls over, his legs flying upwards, body curving into the air to form a half arch against Eren’s body, ankles locking behind his neck, twisting him, his body making a circle in the air before Levi is slamming him down onto the training room floor, mounting him with his dagger aimed at his throat. Eren’s knives make a cross against his neck, Levi pressing the knife against the middle of the cross, smiling down at him.

“I can win too.”

They’re almost equal in strength what differentiates them is the different training and experience they had. Eren fights back as Levi presses himself further down Eren’s body. A bead of sweat rolls down the side of Levi’s rosy face. Eren opens his mouth, the pearl falling right into the gap between his lips.

Levi swears at the sight, faltering. Eren chuckles, forcing the knives upwards, Levi’s dagger screeching as he overthrows the balance, Levi falling, rolling backwards, landing in a crouch  a few feet away from Eren. Levi propels himself backwards, back-flipping then jumping on top of the table on the opposite side of the room. He picks up one of his covered daggers between his sweaty fingers and throws it at Eren.

“Bastard.”

Eren ducks away, the dagger hitting the wall behind him.

“You really hate me that much?” Eren asks, faking a cry as Levi flips himself forward, curling in the air, and Eren notices the other dagger coming his way just a second too late to be able to do anything other than send it flying left. His knife scrapping against it as it flies towards the wall, clanking pathetically onto the floor. Eren smirks, alternating the knives between his hands, blowing his long, wet strands of hair out of his eyes.

They both move at once, dropping their weapons, and charging with skin, and only that. Eren’s leg flies to Levi’s side, Levi grabbing his ankle, twisting it, only to have Eren twirl and kick him in the face with his other foot as they both fall.  

They fight like this – bodies darting around the room as effortlessly as water.

Eren is just that quick in his defense.

It’s getting on Levi’s nerves. His punches are getting harsher. Still, Eren dodges around them. He blinks slowly and lazily as if he doesn’t even acknowledge Levi.

Levi charges towards Eren, his arm lashes forward severe and fast. For a moment, he is convinced that it is going to crash into Eren’s nose.

Then, so quickly, Eren ducks. Levi’s fist goes flying disconcertedly through the air.

Eren’s body bobs up behind him, Levi stumbles forward, clumsy and uneven, while Eren is controlled.

His eyes, previously so amused and nonchalant, are now focused and sharp. He wraps an arm around his neck from behind. Levi gasps under the chokehold cutting off his air, choking him.

Eren can almost feel his energy change after that. He’s not even holding him that tight but Levi flails around for a second, completely panicked, previous instructions long forgotten. Eren doesn’t even get the time to react before Levi elbows him sharply on the side, twice, three times until he lets go.

The younger sways backwards, dizzy from the jabs. Levi pulls away, stumbling. Eren winces holding his side, glances at a wide eyed Levi worriedly. It’s true that they’re training and fighting but Levi’s jabs this time intended to hurt him it wasn’t for training purposes. Levi appears to realize that too.

“I’m sorry.” Levi seems to come back to his senses. “I’m sorry. I— I don’t know what happened. I—” He’s still panting, hands trembling slightly. “Are you okay?”

Eren nods, straightening up as Levi comes closer hesitantly. “Don’t worry about it.”

Levi stands with his hands fisted by his sides as he looks away.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that.” Eren starts rubbing at the back of his neck. He feels awkward tension between them and he wonders what made Levi act that way. The chokehold wasn’t even that strong. This is why he didn’t want to train with him in the first place.

“No, no, I’m sorry. It’s me I—” He bites his lips in frustration closing his eyes for a second. “I always panic through that it’s not your fault.”

Eren looks worried but Levi dismisses it quickly offering him water instead.

“Let’s have a break.”

Levi nods, eyes casted downwards.

They sit together silently. Levi stares ahead lost in thought as Eren plays with the hem of his shirt.

“I’ll teach you proper ways to get out of a chokehold.” Eren says suddenly. “You’ll never have to panic through it.”

Levi glances at him, studies his face for a second then he smiles a little.

“You’re good Eren.” He pats Eren’s knees and pushes himself up. “Let’s get back into it. Unless you’re tired already.”

Eren smiles at the challenge. _“Never.”_

They spend the rest of the evening going on and on about it, incident long forgotten, until it’s time for dinner. They’re flushed and sweaty, panting as they lay on the ground spent and sore all over.

But Eren’s smile is so big on his face because he had fun. Training was only fun with Isabel otherwise he hated it but now— _now_ it’s fun again with Levi.

His eyes dart from the ceiling to land on Levi. Black jet hair sticking to creamy sweat-laden skin. Soft blush adorning his cheeks, lips parted as he breaths, eyes closed.

Levi is well and truly, truly, truly beautiful. It’s something that Eren still isn’t used to. He’s beautiful when he moans and whines Eren’s name lost in pleasure. He’s beautiful with Eren’s marks on his skin, bruises littering his neck and chest. He’s beautiful when he claims his mouth with kisses.

That same mouth that drives him crazy, because as well as being gorgeous, Levi is also a fucking tease. He edges him to tears, laughing softly at the way Eren comes undone under his experienced hands. _“This is all for me baby?”_ he would ask eying his trembling body, nibbling at his ears, licking at the pulsing vain in his throat.

He would pull on his hair as he spills in his mouth, slender fingers tracing over stretched lips _. “Good boy,”_ He would praise him. _“Taking me so fucking well.”_ And Eren fucking purrs at the compliment as Levi massages his scalp.

He would cover his eyes sometimes and keep him anticipating his every move.  Make him hypersensitive to every feathery touch, skin shivering at the lightest caress. “ _Is this okay?”_ He would ask just to make sure.

And it is okay. It is heaven and hell. It is torture and pleasure. But Eren welcomes it all, takes it because it’s Levi and he trusts him. Levi takes care of him.

Eren would beg, whimper and tremble under him. Levi would swallow his sobs when it becomes too much, because he’s everywhere at the same time. Cheeks tear stained as the filthiest of requests leave his mouth. _“We haven’t even done the big part and you’re already a mess.”_ Levi would chuckle.

_“I’ve got you sweetheart. Let me take care of you.”_ He would whisper against him. And he does as he makes him cum. Toes curling, nails scraping against Levi’s back as Eren buries his face on the crook of his neck, biting at the skin to keep himself from moaning out, spasming through the strokes of euphoria.

Kissing Levi is Eren’s doom because he had this beautifully terrifying tendency to hold him when they kissed, embrace him fully. With hands cupping his face, making sure Eren is looking at him as Levi tries to convey what he cannot through speech with his eyes. So, it should come to no surprise that every time they kiss, Eren is done for. He would pet his hair, the gesture making heat pool at Eren’s stomach. He would then clean them up both with the shirt he wore earlier today and they would lay entangled between sheets, hands intertwined and their bodies un-detachable.

Eren has never been the touchy feely person until Levi. He had never accorded skin any importance until Levi. The reassurance that comes with it is beyond just sex. They’ve both lost so many things and people in their lives that skin is the only way to comfort each other. Make sure they’re here, they’re safe, they’re alive.

“You’re staring again.” Levi says pulling him out of his thoughts. “How rude.” He cocks an eyebrow, smug and effortlessly gorgeous.

“It’s because you’re so fucking beautiful.”

Levi’s eyes widen lightly before he blinks the surprise away.

“I just felt like I needed you to know.”

Levi’s responding chuckle is warm, sweet and filling.

“Come on. Let’s go shower. You’re getting all soft again.”

Eren’s heart tightens.

Right, of course.

Levi pushes himself up first. He glances at Eren still laying down but gazing up at him through hooded eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that. It’s not fair.”

Before he can even ask what “that” means, Levi is already hauling him up on his feet. Eren’s stomach flutters at the way Levi’s hand fits into his. Slender fingers clenching around his, muscles flexing as he pulls him up.

Levi starts talking and moving towards the door, Eren has no idea what he’s saying his mind just reels with _how deeply and utterly fucked he is._

**

Kenny announced new training measures on Friday night in HQ. Along archery classes, they added close quarters combat. The hunter teams are already well trained, so they volunteered to help. As Kenny’s concerns grew more after Eren and Levi’s incident, he decided to encourage everyone to do them. Better be safe than sorry. 

The formations of the groups changed after further discussions between all community members. Kenny holds the paper in his hands as he reads over to everyone their new assigned duties. The kitchen duties are still led by Kuchel with the help of Sasha, Hitch and Oluo. The medical ward is occupied by Hanji, Krista, Anna and newly recruited Anka and Marco who want to learn more and give a helping hand. Kenny, Hannes, Tomas and Armin are taking care of weaponry and mechanics. Agriculture team consists of Carla, Moses, Petra and Jean. The guarding team includes Ymir, Marco, Ian and Eld. Erwin has cleaning duties inside and outside the base for himself. Mina, Lynne and Ilse craft personal care products.

As for the volunteers for training there’s Levi, Eren, Mikasa, Tomas and Petra.

Kenny joins sometimes, when his backache doesn’t act up. Together, they train their companions to enable them to defend themselves in all situations. Levi thought he would teach them how to defend themselves only against zombies, but Kenny asked them to teach others to defend themselves against humans as well.

“Zombies are not the only ones we must be wary of nowadays. Some humans now lack humanity, they’re far more dangerous.”

“But we're safe here,” Eren says softly from his seat. The volunteers are in Kenny’s office discussing the process thoroughly.

Kenny's eyes drift over their fellow trainers before landing on Eren.  

“We are not safe anywhere. Tomorrow, a group of armed men can force our doors, tomorrow someone can forget to close a door and let a zombie sneak into the base. You have to be ready for all situations.”  

Levi glances between them but says nothing as he leans against the door. He trusts Kenny’s intuition.

Kenny was raised in a survivalist community, he saw things differently from the way Levi sees them. He’s always thinking million steps ahead. Sometimes to the point of coming up with ridiculous situations and catastrophes that have low chances of happening. It was hell living with Kenny outside.

Finding the base gave him a peace of mind. He slowly and carefully fortified the territory with the help of the community. It was nice seeing him less on edge and more human. More calm.  

“How did you learn to fight, Eren?”

Levi knows that Kenny and Eren have talked a lot over the past months. Essentially about the City and its operations.

Eren had access to information that Hanji did not at the time, being a high-ranking elite and his father being the City Guard Chief.

But Eren obviously only discussed the technical details not about his family and upbringing. He rarely speaks about it except to Armin and Levi. Maybe to Petra too.

Levi wonders what goes on between them but quickly dismisses the strange thought.

“My father wanted me to honor the family. He wanted me to follow in his footsteps one day as Chief of the Guard. He taught me how to fight since I was little. I was subjected to intensive training when I was in the City.”

Eren recalls the dreadful days. Feeling tired. Tired of worrying. Tired of the anxiety. The pain.

He remembers his father dragging him over to the training hall by the arm. Him fighting the whole way kicking, hitting, attempting to wrench out of his grip, but of course he couldn't do it.

_“Maybe if you took training more seriously, you'd be able to get out of a basic hold,” His father snapped as he tossed him into the hall, stepped in himself and locked the door behind them._

All Eren wanted to do was play with the other kids but he wasn’t allowed. It took away of his training time and his father’s efforts to make him a weapon.

He remembers tears prickling the ends of his eyes, small streams of salty liquid flowing down his face. Bruised and battered body, hurting with every movement. He was always careful not to hit Eren on the face as to not rise suspicions. After all the boy deserved punishment for not being good enough.

He remembers his throat closing up and chocking from suppressed screaming because he’s just a child and he wished his mother would have done anything and take him away. But of course she didn’t. He remembers throwing up and passing out from exhaustion. He remembers the stinging cheek and his ringing ear from the slap across his face because _boys don’t cry_.

“I was a member of the Young Guards since I was fourteen years old, which allowed me to participate once a week in the Guard's operations. I was supposed to enroll officially when I turn eighteen.”

Eren leans back on the chair, his body tense, hands fisted.

“One of my mentors told me once that I was so good and that if I keep going like this I’ll became a living weapon. I was fourteen years old at the time.”

He remembers that day.

It was his first mission after training under Captain Kruger’s supervision.

_Eren tucked his chin under his turtleneck shirt trying to warm himself up. Kruger sat next to him as always, glancing ahead, pensive. He had insisted on bringing him along this time. Eren didn’t understand why but it was probably important. Kruger never missed a chance to include him whenever he wanted him to learn a lesson._

_Eren put his gas mask on as they neared their destination. His breath came out in jets of fog as it filtered through its respiration system. His fingers felt numb. He regretted wearing fingerless gloves. The light from Kruger’s little tablet casts a faint glow over his face._

_It’s only been two years since his father had forcibly admitted him to The Elite Army. The Guard, the pride of Utopia. He served under Kruger’s supervision, one of the best out there. Captain Kruger had took interest in him after seeing Eren’s outstanding chart of tests. At first It terrified Eren, he didn’t plan on continuing this path. He was interested in engineering but his father left him no choice. His peers were jealous of the attention Kruger paid him. Everybody wanted to be part of his squad and serve under him._

_To the military he was the man who almost singlehandedly ended Liberty rebellions one time. The more Eren got to know him he realized he was more than that. He was a teacher. He was a leader. He was the hero who fought to keep Utopia rising and alive. Picking up his rifle from his lap, Kruger gestured at the empty space next to him._

_“Sit.” As always his voice was steel. Eren obeyed, sliding next to him. The first thing that Kruger hammered into his skull was to always obey without questions. In the large vehicle, he could see the jealous glances of his comrades._

_“I’ve killed thousands with my own hands because of my sworn duty to Utopia. Thousands of innocents have died by my orders for the sake of millions.”_

_Eren takes off his mask and blinks incredulously at him. Had he heard that right?_

_“Innocents?” Eren asked. “What do you mean?”_

_“The apocalypse is messy. It had brought only wars and destruction upon us Eren. There’s no way around that. One day you will be in a position where you have to weigh lives on a scale.”_

_Eren shifted uncomfortably on his seat._

_“Nations fall under indecisive leadership.” Kruger went on. “You must be decisive when you have the weight of millions of souls resting on your shoulders, you can’t afford to make mistakes.”_

_The was wrong._

_Eren felt his chest getting tight. “What do you mean? Are you saying I’ll have to kill innocent people?" The mere idea made him sick to his stomach. Is this why he brought him here? The mission was supposed to be just an evacuation._

_“Yes.” Kruger’s voice chilled Eren. “You can’t hesitate. Not with this.”_

_“What? No!” Eren blurted out a little louder than he intended._

_Kruger’s head tilted to the side. “What did you say?”_

_Eren’s skin crawled at the memories of the last time he said no to the commander. All the laps he had to run and the vigorous cleaning of filthy bathrooms, depriving him of meals and making him wake up earlier than the others. He would rather not relive that experience._

_“But that’s wrong!” Eren backed away quickly. “When I joined you, you said we would be helping people.”_

_“You swore to follow my every order.” Kruger was stern. “It doesn’t matter what you think is right or wrong. You are my subordinate and you will follow orders.”_

_“But—”_

_“Sit.” He motioned for the same spot again._

_Eren realized that he’s treading through thin ice. He shouldn’t be questioning Kruger’s authority in front of everyone. If he got discharged then he would probably be okay. After all, he should focus on his dream not what his dad wanted him to do. But he couldn’t help but feeling his chest tighten at the thought. He hated the idea nagging inside his head that deep down he still wanted to impress his dad by doing this. He rejected it completely._

_After being with Kruger he couldn’t help but look up to him. He did his best to serve under him because he wanted to help people like Kruger did._

_He moved closer to him. After Letting out a sigh, Kruger continued in a softer tone. “Listen Eren. Those with the power to take action have the duty to take action.” He gestured around. “How many people do you think died for us to be here right now? How many had sacrificed themselves to build this city?”_

_Eren didn’t know. He didn’t want to know, he simply stared at his feet clad in combat boots, frowning._

_Killing people to help people? What does that even mean?_

_“You agreed to sacrifice whatever you had to in order to help people. Did you lie?”_

_“No.” Eren chocked up, looking at him. “I meant it. You know I meant it…But—”_

_“Don’t spout excuses Eren. You’re better than that.”_

_He did mean it. He was ready to give up his own comforts but not to take the lives of good people._

_“That’s wrong.” Eren argued._

_“You’re right.” Kruger said. “killing is never justified. Never. Every time you take a life. You must remember that person had family and friends. Sometimes we have to do terrible things in order to prevent something even more horrible. This is our duty as soldiers. You knew it from day one.”_

_Eren’s hand tightens around his rifle in frustration. “That’s different. I wanted to fight bad guys. I wanted to help people.”_

_“Listen Eren.” Kruger spoke slowly. “There’s no such thing as good guys and bad guys. We’re just people. Everyone does bad things sometimes, some more than others. They’re still people. We don’t always fight against monsters. Sometimes it’s just people.”_

_“I… I don’t want to.”_

_“So you will force someone else to take the burden?” Kruger challenged. “Is that the kind of person you are?”_

_He’s not. He wanted to help people, especially the weak ones._

_“No.”_

_“Who are you then?” Kruger demanded._

_“I’m Eren.” How many times had he had to repeat those words. Everyone looked down on him because he was an Elite. Because his father is the chief. What they don’t know is that he didn’t get in because of him. He trained hard to be part of Captain kruger’s squad. Nobody had the right to take that achievement away from him. He did it on his own._

_“And why are you here Eren?” The glow of his eyes terrified Eren but it also bolstered him. Although Kruger was beyond harsh, he treated him like an equal._

_“To help people.” He said._

_“Are you willing to do what is necessary to help people? Even if it means killing?”_

_Eren knew that if he said no Kruger would be finished with him. He would find someone else to be his protégé. His father would be furious._

_“Yes.” He answered._

_“No matter who?”_

_Eren sniffed looking away momentarily then he nodded. He looked up at Kruger the glow of his Hero’s eyes filled him with the resolve he needed. He would do whatever was necessary to help people. If that meant killing then he would kill whoever it was that needed killing._

_“No matter who.”_

_“Good.” Kruger stood and Eren did likewise as the vehicle took a halt. “One day you will have to make the hard choices. Until that day, let the morality of what you do rest on my shoulders. A weapon isn’t responsible of the actions of the person.”_

_“Yes sir.” Eren nodded._

_“You said it was wrong to sacrifice others.” Kruger said as other soldiers started filling out of the vehicle. “You’re right Eren. It is wrong. You must never let yourself become numb to the choices you make. So hold on to that strong sense of right and wrong.” He looked over his shoulder and locked Eren’s gaze. “Hold on to it and never let go. Because once you do, you’re lost forever.” With those words, he put his mask back on._

_Eren followed._

_“Alright everybody.” Kruger turned to the rest of the soldiers. His voice filtering loud and clear on Eren’s earpiece.  “You check on everyone’s chips whoever doesn’t cooperate or tries to run away, eliminate them. Try to limit the epidemic from spreading even further.”_

_“Yes sir.” Came the united reply._

_It was Eren’s first time killing a person. A fourteen-year-old child with a rifle too big for his small hands, wandering around in the dirty adult world. And it wasn’t the last time._

_It was just the beginning._

“I hated the day of the week when I was supposed to put on my uniform and enforce the law. I was only fourteen or fifteen years old and I saw…terrible things. The Guards are not heroes. They torture the resistance fighters, beat the women and children, and whip up all those who disobey. They maintain order by violence is what they made us think.”

Eren shakes his head in annoyance, chuckling bitterly, sound devoid of all traces of humor as he glances at Kenny.

“I was too brainwashed and manipulated to grasp everything at the time. For me, all those arrested or beaten had disobeyed. We had to obey the system because it had utility, because we could not all live as we wanted if we wanted to survive. They were criminals. I have been taught that stealing food while the Authorities are using our electronic chips to fill our energy needs was selfish and put our organization in jeopardy. That a same-sex couple prevented the good reproduction and survival of our species. That insolence encouraged rebellion against a system that kept us alive. They stuff the brains of those in Zone Four, the area from which the vast majority of Guards come with shit like that. Hell, they stuff our brains with it everywhere, but it's worse, than I've heard. It’s to make young Guards without mercy, ready to do anything to defend the Patriarchs and the organization of the City. I too, was brainwashed, I too, believed in that. But anyway, I did not want to be part of that. I understood that we had to uphold the law, but I did not really approve of the violence happening there.”

“You told us you were an engineer,” Kenny gazes at him thoughtfully. It made Eren nervous. “I presume you refused to enroll.” 

Eren nods as his eyes fall on Levi briefly. He wonders what he’s thinking about after hearing this. The thought is dismissed quickly as he resumes, averting his attention back to Kenny.

“In the city, it is at sixteen that one chooses his way. Different trades are offered to us depending on the Zone where we are. The possibilities are not the same in Zone Two, mine, and Zone Eight for example. In Zone Two, we will have the politicians, the councilors, the high authorities. In Zone Three, the engineers, the intellectuals. In Zone Six, cooks, for example. In Zone Eight, housekeepers, gardeners. In Zone Ten, it is said that they do not have jobs. They are starving. We can choose a "lower" level job when we are in the highest zones, but it is very frowned upon. That's what I did though, even if it was not much. I moved to Zone Three for a while before I got banned.”

He didn’t tell Levi about this and it’s obvious through his surprised expression. Eren didn’t really go into details when speaking of his life in the City. He always speaks of generalities or on a more personal note, his sister. 

“So yes, I refused to enter the Guard. At sixteen, I stood up to my father saying that I wanted to become an engineer and help the City to provide energy. I wanted to be useful. My mother for once supported me. My father had to give in.”

Eren remembers the small moments of victory when he said no for the first time and actually stood his ground. His father did not talk to him for months.

“I had the right to do what I wanted, on the condition of continuing my training along. My father is very influential. I had no choice, If I refused he would jeopardize my chances of studying what I wanted. So I obeyed. I continued to train. My sister managed to get to the fighting room at the same time as I did, so she trained me most of the time.”

She was better than anyone he ever trained with. It was more pleasant with her. She was less brutal, less harsh on him, she didn’t drive his body over the limit.

“I was really free only after moving to her house. Yet again, my father's shadow follows me everywhere. We do not stop being the son of Grisha Jaeger after all.”

The silence that follows makes him uncomfortable. His nails dig into his the palm of his clenched hands.

Kenny sighs. “Your father seems ... particular.”

Eren shrugs.  “Let's say that patience and affection are not his best qualities.”

Kenny watches him pensive before concluding the meeting. He calls for Eren with Levi hovering by the office. Eren is stiff, avoiding all eye contact suddenly. There’s always a tinge of shame he feels when he talks about his family and what he did in Utopia.

He doesn’t expect Kenny’s gentle hand on his shoulder squeezing in comfort.

“I do not want you to feel compelled to do anything here. If what you do makes you feel uncomfortable, you are free not to participate in these sessions. You do not have to fight and you do not have to teach others if you do not want to.”

Eren feels warmth flood his cheeks at the gesture. 

He shakes his head quickly.

“No, that's fine. It's different here. In Utopia, I learned to fight to participate in the repression of the people. Here, I teach them to fight so that they can survive. To be able to go outside without being killed. All is well, Kenny. Thank you for worrying about me.”

“That's normal. You're one of us now.” He hesitates for a second before continuing. “Have you ... Are you and Levi okay now? Since ... what happened? He refuses to tell me about it.”

“Dad! I’m right here!”

Eren smiles at the whine coming from Levi as he storms back inside.

“I told you I’m okay!” He hisses as he rolls his eyes.  

“He's doing well. It was hard on him but he's strong. More than he thinks.” Eren glances at him fondly, linking his hands behind his back to stop himself from reaching to pat Levi’s hair. He looks cute with his hands crossed over his chest as he pouts. 

Levi’s eyes widen slightly at the compliment. He did not have time to dwell because a small hand pulls on his shirt. He looks down to meet Marcel’s blue eyes. He lowers his head as Marcel motions for him to come closer.  

“Me too, I want to fight!” He whisper shouts into his ear. 

Levi sighs and pulls him outside leaving Eren and Kenny in the office.  

“Nah, I do not think it's a good idea, you're too young. We'll see when you get a little older.”

Marcel pouts and Levi knows he won’t drop this subject easily. “But Daddy told me you were a kid when he taught you how to fight too.”  

Images of Nile leading him to fight when he was a kid passed in front of him. He inhaled and took Marcel by the shoulders.

“I was a little bit older. You, if there aren’t any adults in sight, you run and climb a tree, okay?”

“I don’t know how to do that either.” 

Levi watches the little boy, thoughtfully. Maybe fighting was not the only thing that community members have to learn.  

**

“I’m not saying It’s ridiculous or anything please don’t get me wrong.” Eren winces sitting straighter. “I just don’t believe in that stuff.”

Anna smiles, patting his knees. “That’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Not many people believe in it. I didn’t believe in it until I started reading them myself.”

Petra peers at Anna’s hands shuffling the cards at an incredible speed. “I’m gonna have to disagree on that one Eren. Some predictions are spot on. It’s creepy.”  She munches at her apple, visibly shuddering at the idea.

“Why would you do something you don’t believe in?”

Petra, Anna and Eren have gathered in the cafeteria by lunch. Anna told them anecdotes from her past and about her old hobby of reading Tarot cards.

“Out of curiosity I guess.” Anna shrugs. “But the minute I saw my life in the card spread I believed in their power.”

“Are the cards ever wrong?”

“No. but my interpretation could be sometimes.”

“I don’t get it.”

“The cards give us information it’s up to us how to interpret it.”

Eren leans his head on his palm, eyebrows crooked.

“It’s probably one big coincidence.”

Petra rolls her eyes. “Or you’re too stubborn to admit.”

Anna brings a cup of steaming hot tea to her lips watching them bicker.

“Why don’t you try for yourself?”

“No thanks.”

“Let Anna read yours and we’ll see.”

Eren thinks it through. Why not after all? It’s just for fun and to please Anna. It won’t change a damn thing. The reading would create a diversion Eren needs, to stop thinking whenever he finds himself with nothing to do.

He’s been seeing them again. The eyes in his dreams— more like nightmares. The small shadow with dead eyes that stares at him unblinking without words. It’s been a while. He almost thought he got rid of it but now it surfaced back with the others.

At least he’ll divert his thoughts into something else.

“Okay.” He nods ignoring Petra’s triumphant smirk.

Anna smiles, she blows over the cards and raps them three times in a swift, efficient gesture, against the table.

“What do you want to ask about?”

Eren shrugs. “I don’t know. Fate I guess? Life?”

She hands him the cards. “If you wish to test Fate,” she says, crossing her hands in front of herself. “Then Shuffle seven times then separate through three piles while thinking about that.”

He does. Then fans the deck of cards out evenly to three piles across the table. She restacks them into one.

Eren chews on his lower lip and studies the cards. She flips the first one.

“High priestess.” She hums to herself. “I can see that.”

Eren frowns. “What does it say?”

“You’re much more than what you reveal.” She starts, pushing the card to the side. “It detonates hidden influence that you’re probably not even aware of.”

The observation unnerves him. He swallows nervously choosing not to comment on that. This is just a stupid card; it’s just a superstitious guess. Anyone could say that about him, after all nobody really knows him here. He is more than what he reveals.

She hands him the cards and he resumes shuffling before splitting the cards. They’re a faint worn out golden color with a hint of blue interwoven on the backs - a blue that vaguely reminds him of Levi’s eyes.

He gives her back the cards and she pulls out the top three consecutive ones. She flips them one by one. Her face clouds for a second and then it’s quickly masked by a blank stare.

The first, a man pinned to the ground by ten swords. The second shows a man, dressed in a red robe and hat, holding a small globe in his hands. The card is reversed, facing Eren. The last one shows a tall tower perched on the top of a rocky mountain. Lightning strikes set the building alight, and two people leap from the windows, head first and arms outstretched.

“What does it say?” He asks impatient through the weighing silence. Petra watches silently beside him.

“It’s not like a statement.” She begins looking up at him. “It’s more of a feeling, a sense.”

“What are they sensing?” Eren insists.

Petra snorts beside him. “Didn’t you say you don’t believe?”

Eren feels red in the face. “Yes. But now I want to know. I’m curious.”

“The Ten Of Swords, it’s your past.” Anna points at the first one. “It’s often linked with betrayal, getting stabbed in the back. You have to let go of it. Whatever it is, no more pain will come to you from it. Let go.”

It’s true that Eren dismissed such things but now he admits maybe they prove to be more revealing than he had thought.

Eren glares at the traitorous cards that shouldn’t bear such meanings. His stomach tightens at the thought of his secrets spilling out. They shouldn’t. He doesn’t want them to be, nobody would understand, not even Levi.

Why are his palms so sweaty? He wipes them discreetly on his trousers.

“The second card is faced upside down. The meaning is more powerful, more intense.” She points to the second card. “It’s The Two of Wands, your present, you have to make a decision, even more important you have to trust your choice.” She meets his eyes, soft and kind. “You are afraid to step out into unknown territories, you have potential, just let go Eren.”

He feels his throat tighten. Let go of what? What the hell is she talking about?

Anna hesitates for a second her hand trails over the third card.

“The tower.” She sighs, “The future.” She glances up dejectedly at him and despite the warmth he feels, a chill creeps its way up through his body— “Before I explain I want you to know that whatever happens, it’s possible to move past it, if you have faith in yourself and make the right decisions, you can make something positive out of this.”

Eren takes a lingering look at the ominous three cards then back to her face.

“Whatever it is that you think you’ve lost. It’s still there.”

He can’t feel it anymore. It’s gone. He wants to tell her but he’s not even sure what “it” is. He’s already had enough of this reading anyway. It’s just a stupid deck of cards. Means nothing.

She squeezes his arm, fingertips cold against his clammy skin—

_“Eren!”_

He jumps at the sound of his name and he turns back to face Mike standing by the Cafeteria door.

_“Kenny needs you right now!”_

He doesn’t even hesitate as he stands from his chair almost sending it toppling back. He thanks her for the reading, doesn’t even ask for the last card’s meaning. Petra glances at him with a frown of concern etching her face. He hurries back to Mike thankful to be saved from the awkwardness.

He hates feeling vulnerable, exposed. It almost felt like she could read through him. He presses his finger to massage his temples as he walks along Mike who’s mumbling something that doesn’t even reach his ears.

**

“When did you move out?”

Eren blinks, Levi’s words catching him off guard. “A few months before getting expelled.” He says without elaborating.

Because what else does he expect him to say? Most of the sting has faded by now. It's just another fact of his life, like the few months he spent rotating in streets where bitterness and resentment lay. He wallowed in it for a long moment, wondering about the “what ifs” of his life, cursing the universe for everything it robbed him of. But resenting life never got him anywhere but deeper into the pit of self-pity and apathy. So he convinced himself to join Liberty.

Or the fact that he was told to have a photographic memory. He didn’t entirely understand what it meant but it helped in blindfolded trainings in order to dissemble and assemble weapons as well as blindly shooting targets.

_“It means you’re better than everyone else, son.”_ His father had told him.

Or like the fact that he stirred trouble and almost got himself killed during his prison days.

Facts.

History.

Memories that he tries to repress deep inside where they can't touch him any longer.

“Do you not trust me?”

Eren frowns. A week later, they’re sitting on the roof, knees touching, facing the night sky.

“Of course I trust you.” He answers with no hesitation.

“Then what is it?”

Eren purses his lips collecting his words. “I kind of hoped you wouldn’t ask.”

He can see the disappointment in Levi’s smile and he feels the urge to correct himself quickly. “Because I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?” Levi looks at him, blue eyes serious and intense even through the semi darkness. “Of me?”

Eren shakes his head.

Levi is quiet for a few seconds before he speaks. “With everything that I did in my life… I would be a hypocrite to judge you.”

Eren looks away. “It’s not that. I just don’t want to remember certain things.” He clears his throat swallowing through the lump. “Sometimes things get to me and I don’t want to feel like that now. It’s— When I remember such things I get lost in my own head for a while and I don’t— It’s not—” He stammers at loss of words.

“Okay.”

Eren looks up at that. “Okay?”

“Yeah we won’t talk about it.”

Eren fidgets nervously. “Really?”

Levi frowns. “You know that I’m here for you right?” He places his hand on Eren’s thigh. “Like whatever you say to me goes both ways. I don’t want you to feel forced. I just wanted to know more about you and why you’re here but that doesn’t mean I’ll force you to say it. Is it frustrating not to know? Of course. Will I make you say it? Never.”

“You already know more. More than anyone.”

“My point is I don’t want you to feel like that with me.”

Eren nods.

“Why are you smiling?”

He is? Eren didn’t even notice.

“Because you’re cute.”

Levi rolls his eyes snorting, which Eren finds _really adorable_.

“We’re here for each other.” He says on a serious note.

“Yes.”

They lapse into silence.

Hearing these words gave him some sort of comfort. He’s always the one vocalizing such things. He understands that Levi is going through some things that keep him from being as open as Eren wants him to be. Nevertheless, Levi is always there even when he doesn’t say such things, he acts like it. And if Levi opens up and tells him things despite it being visibly upsetting him, Eren will do the same.

There are things that he, himself, can’t accept to even say out loud. Maybe he is scared of Levi finding about his truth after all. Maybe he’ll also think badly of him. Despite being put in similar situation, Levi has always been the better person. Perhaps it scares Eren to be compared to that aspect of Levi. It’s hard knowing how imperfect you are, how flowed and dark and disgusting. With that in his mind, Eren can’t really tell him anything but he is willing to meet him halfway and let out some bits and pieces for Levi to paint the picture.

“What do you want to know?” He starts shyly.

Levi glances at him. “I told you, you don’t have to—”

“I changed my mind.” Eren jokes. “What do you want to know? Quickly before the offer expires.”

“Why did you move out?”

“After what happened with my sister, things went south. I pushed everyone away. Elaine broke things off. I just— basically hated everyone for not helping Isabel. I hated Utopia for being a living hell and most importantly, I hated my parents for throwing her away like they did. So…” He stops for a few seconds.

“Eren it’s okay I—”

“There was a fire,” Eren says. “My parents’ house. I started it. I gathered them in the living room under the pretense of talking to them. I locked the doors and windows and drowned everything in gasoline then lit the house on fire. Guess my anger issues go way back.” He laughs but it sounds off and pathetic even to his own ears.

He barely remembers that night. Everything was red. All he saw was red. There was a lot of screaming. His mother’s pleas, his father’s reasoning, his angry accusations. It all clashed together. The fire swirled like an ocean. His skin burned, but the fire didn't touch him. The smoke filled his lungs and made his eyes water. He was convinced that if Isabel didn’t get a fair chance, he’d burn it all to the ground. They’ve already done enough in this world. He’d be doing everyone a favor by getting rid of the Jaeger bloodline for good.

All he really remembers are the shadows emerging through the fire, telling him instructions he didn’t hear through his hazy mind before he was dragged outside by force. He really didn’t want to leave that house. He didn’t plan to survive anyway. He just wished he would have taken them with him where they would burn in hell.

There was nothing really left of the house, of course, nothing but the foundation.

“I was forced to do psych evaluation and was deemed unfit to join The Guard due to my mental instability and my suicidal tendencies as they put it. I moved to my sister’s house and then I joined Liberty for a while through her connections. I was dumb enough to think I can do something to change the system from there.” He snorts at his own ridiculous plans. “Neither Liberty nor the government were who I thought they were. And because there were so many spies and corruption from both sides there was a leak about a Liberty mission that caused a lot of members to die. The only suspect was me, the new recruit, Jaeger’s son.”

He spits the name angrily. Being related to that name burned disgust and shame beneath his skin. “I had to steal so many data and Intel from the government and more precisely from my father to get them to trust me. It was all for nothing, I was caught by the government. Liberty thought it was an undercover story to hide the fact that I was working for my father, meanwhile my father sent me to jail because I betrayed him and the City.”

Eren still dreams about it sometimes. Those days of torture, anxiety and fear that he represses, it all comes out in the form of inexplicable nightmares. Shadows creeping at him, laughing, screaming at him, killing him slowly and painfully.

“They couldn’t kill me yet because of father’s influence. It would be too risky without my sentence being declared. Not without telling the government what I know at least. My father made sure of that.” Eren pulls his feet up and crosses his arms on his knees. “They were clever. It was more of playing mind games and trying to break me.”

The worst wasn’t even the beating, he got used to that growing up. The worst was being pulled into the dark room. A room he had dreaded. His stomach churned at the smell of stale water.

He remembers being tied down atop the table, his arms spread straight out and his legs straight down, neck bared with his head tipped back. He remembers drowning with a towel placed over his mouth and a hose pumping water. He struggled against the restraints, unable to cry or yell. Lungs burning with exertion.

They would ask him questions in between, he would tell them he doesn’t know, of course they wouldn’t believe him so they’d take turns laughing as he choked.

Being under the rain after that incident made him panic, especially the first few days outside the walls. But he soon got used to it. After many hours of shaking and crying thinking he’ll drown, he got over it. It feels stupid to cry about the rain when you’re living in an apocalypse.

Levi doesn’t say anything he just listens. Eren appreciates that.

“The thing is, I was useless. I didn’t know anything. And then the night after the sentence was declared. Members of Liberty were sent to kill me. Make sure I’m quiet for good.”

His fingertips trail around his throat for a second, as he stares ahead absentmindedly. If he focuses hard enough he can almost feel the rope tightening around his neck as they try to strangle him. In his feeble attempts of escaping, he completely missed the soft snap of warning before feeling the unwelcoming jolt of pain as waves upon waves of electricity shot through his veins. His body withering as he struggled. The same body that had lost the little strength that had remained as he found himself voiceless. He could not scream, and even if he could there would be no one to hear him. 

But he wasn’t meant to die that day, not like that anyway. Because Krista came in like a guardian angel and saved him. She came to give him back his pendants and to tell him goodbye one last time. Eren wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her. She had asked Captain Kruger to do something and he tried to keep him alive until the time he was meant to leave. Eren didn’t know if he wanted to live or not at that point. He cried silently in his cell, that night, body bruised and sore, mentally exhausted.

And as he was kicked outside it was only a matter of seconds before they started shooting at him from above the walls. He could almost hear their laughter as they watched him run through the forest.

“Obviously, I survived and got kicked out. And the rest is history.”

Eren breaths in, suddenly drained.

“See it wasn’t a secret or anything.” He rushes to say when he’s met with silence. “I just didn’t want to remember—”

He’s cut off by Levi pulling him in a tight hug. Levi rests his chin on Eren’s shoulder, hand softly combing through his hair.

“You’re okay now.” Eren doesn’t say anything, just lets himself be soaked in Levi’s warmth and his tender touches.

“I won’t let anybody hurt you. Remember?”

Eren thinks of the first time they met when Levi told him the exact same words. 

“It’s all over now.”

_It is._

“Thank you for telling me.”

Eren closes his eyes, humming. He breathes him in, wrapping his shaky arms around Levi.

_It’s all over now._

**

“What I’m about to say, will probably constitute of general information for most of you. However, some here have been locked up for years and may have forgotten some essential details. Children who have never been confronted with contaminated, also need to know certain things.”

The entire community is gathered in HQ. Eren is sitting between Armin and Mikasa on one of the sofas as he watches Tomas standing in front of everyone.

“Some essential things to know about the corpses. When a person is bitten, their cornea thickens so much that their eyes become almost opaque, almost entirely white. Zombies therefore see only forms and lights, nothing precise. On the other hand, their other senses seem tenfold. Their hearing and their sense of smell, in particular. That is why it is important to always move in silence and avoid talking loudly outside, or run or jump on the floor because of the noise it generates and the vibration. It is also for this reason that it is important to coat mint paste or rub with mint leaves as soon as you step outside. We have shower gels and shampoos that incorporate this plant here, but if you find yourself out without resources, you’ll have to find it for yourself. It looks like this.”  

He holds mint leaves and distributes it around for the other to see and smell. 

“Each visible inch of your skin must be coated, especially the most fragrant. Anyone with long hair should put it up outdoors. It reduces risk of being held by Corpses and limits the spread of smell when it is windy.”  

Tomas pauses to check that everyone is following.

“Regarding confrontation, Always aim at the head. Do not aim for the chest, the arms or the legs. It is useless and can potentially backfire on you. The target is always the head. If you do not have much strength, aim for the eyes and ears. If you shoot, try to aim at the forehead or the top of the head in general, not the jaw for example.”  

Levi appears from behind Eren holding two mugs. Eren cranks his neck backwards to look at him and Levi trails a kiss on his forehead before circling the couch to join him. He hands him the steaming mug, and Eren wraps his hands around it. He tells him that it’s still hot and he should be careful before averting his attention to Tomas.

“Avoid firearms. Most of you don’t know how to use them so you will miss your shot or hurt someone else. It’s also very noisy and as I said before, if you’re outside you better be silent. For distance shooting, it is better to use a bow. Each of you should take courses given by Levi and Ni—”

Tomas stops abruptly.

_Levi and Nile_

Nobody misses his slip as he tries to compose himself.

“—By Levi and Eren tomorrow. It’s up to you, you’re not forced to do anything. But it could obviously be useful to everyone. We have lived here for years. It’s almost like we became all rusty. We forgot how to survive outside, and that’s dangerous.”  

The strongest of them fell. What would happen when none of their protectors would stand up? It’s easier to stay in their comfort zone away from all danger but nobody can tell what the future has for them.

Furlan, Luke, Nanaba, Nile and even Erwin are no longer reliable. Eren and Levi had almost never came back.  

They’re all resting on those of them who knew how to fight and willing to risk their lives every day by going outside to provide them what they need. What would happen the day they would be alone?  

The problem lays there for many. Kenny had confessed yesterday to Levi his concern. Community members did not see beyond what lays before them. They took the security of the base for granted. Maybe Kenny became more pessimistic as he ages. They don’t realize that they’re not completely safe anywhere. Not even here. No one should forget that. If ever the base was invaded one day, most members of their community could not even defend themselves. They rely much on those who know how to do it.

“There are basic survival rules that we insist more on,” Tomas says. “Never travel without weapons outside. And when I say without weapons I don’t speak of the one knife you have stashed in your sleeve. Levi come here.”

Surprised, Eren watches him put his mug on the table before getting up to join Tomas. He understand now why he’s still armed.  

“Levi has just returned, he was out an hour ago. Levi, show us your weapons.”

“Uh..”  

Levi looks around for a second until he meets Kenny’s eyes before handing over his weapons.

“I have that.”

He points to the place where he was sitting, where he had laid his crossbow on the table. Eren seizes it and lifts it for everyone to see.

“I also have these daggers.”

He turns, revealing the two daggers that are tucked in their cases on his shoulder blades.  

He puts his hand on the Glock at his belt.

“A revolver here, right since I’m right-handed. Another charger. A dagger at my belt.

He bends down, pulls a blade of a pocket sewn inside his boots. It looked like a nail file. It was Nile who gave it to him. He showed him then that it is remarkably effective in case of emergency.

“I have the same left. It is a kind of mini-mini knife, the blade is very thin, the handle is leather. They are used to stab in the ear or deep in the eyes, not elsewhere.

He turns to Tomas to say that he had finished.  

“There’s one left,” Tomas says coming closer.  

Levi shoots him a questioning look, not understanding.

“You, Levi.” 

Tomas turns to the others.

“It is not enough to have a knife or a gun. You should know how to use them and how to behave in dangerous situations. Levi survives this long outside because he knows how to fight and knows how to deal with zombies, not just because he is well armed, even though that also plays a big part.”

A hand rises to interrupt his speech.

Ilse.  

“Levi and Eren, you survived four days alone outside. I have not been outside for years so I was wondering how did you do it?” 

With the addition of Hope to her life, Ilse now has to be more responsible in order to protect her daughter.  

“We ran until we got here. We were stuck more than once. We waited in different places. We barricade the hideout. One higher floors. Not on the ground floor, because zombies can break the door and smash windows.” He leans on the table. “Always have an emergency exit. A staircase, a railing, a neighboring roof on which you can jump. Block the entrances with heavy furniture. A dresser, a fridge, a sofa. Close curtains or obstruct windows if you use light. In the night, a lighted window, it’s very easy to spot by the contaminated. Same for the fire if you are outside. Better to take refuge in a house or building than camping outside, because of your smell, noise and light if you make a fire. If you have to, it’s better to climb trees.” He instructs, humming to himself to make sure he didn’t forget anything. “Eren and I ... we were lucky to find houses every night. We search every corner for food and drinks. Sometimes, there are still some in cellars, even in closets if people could not take everything away. Otherwise I don’t think there’s anything else—”

“We were together,” Eren interrupts in a low voice, his eyes fixed on the ground.  

He feels all eyes shift on him and he looks up to Levi.

“We survived because we were together.”

_We survive together or we don’t survive_

Their eyes meet and they communicate without saying a word for a while. Eren almost forgets that they’re in the middle of HQ. It’s just him and Levi. 

“It’s true,” Levi ends up breaking the bubble but he doesn’t look away. He smiles gently and Eren mirrors him. “There are no miracle recipes. We were lucky and we had each other.” There’s fondness lacing his tone but Eren could be imagining things.

Levi clears his throat as he straightens up. “Do not travel alone. It takes at least two to stand guard to see what one has not been paying attention to. You need somebody else who you can hang on to. Sometimes you just lose the desire and motivation to move forward thinking that you’ll never make it back home.”  

Levi takes a breath.  

“I am grateful for having Eren with me. I would not be here if it wasn’t for him. I would have stayed there.”

Eren feels heat blooming inside of him at how sincere Levi’s words are. His blue grey eyes never leaving Eren’s telling him what his mouth fails to do so.

“You say that because I carried you once your fragile body gave up on you.”

Levi rolls his eyes. Their friends smile around them. Anna keeps her eyes on Eren watching him intentionally, as if she understood what is happening.

“Well my fragile body tells you to fuck off.”

“Levi!” Kenny scolds from his seat shaking his head at the laughter coming from the others.

“Okay, okay, sorry. He started it.”  

Eren wiggles his eyebrows as Tomas goes back to the center.

“Alright, enough with that.”

Levi sits beside him, slapping his thigh gently.

“Traitor.” He whispers a little bit too close to Eren’s face.

“We’re done for today. We will do simulations of situations tomorrow.”  

**

“I’ll never survive, outside.”

Armin’s statement makes Eren straighten up. His friend is tinkering with some kind of strange glasses that made him look like a fly when he puts them on. Eren is lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, rehearsing what was said at today’s meeting. Armin had dropped his comment without warning interrupting his train of thoughts.  

“Why would you say that?”

“Because it’s true.” 

Still back to Levi, Armin shrugs before continuing. 

“I don’t know how to fight. I’m still as terrified of zombies as when Levi found me. I have not set foot outside since then, except for burials. I do not know how to live outside.”

“You will learn. We will all teach you everything. That’s how we all started already. Besides you have us. You have Levi. We’re not going anywhere.”

Armin turns to him, pushing his protective goggles over his hair.

“You almost died Eren. You will not be able to protect me at all times. One day, maybe you won’t be here, too.”  

Eren sits cross-legged on the bed.

“I’ll be here as long as I can. And I will teach you to fight so that you can protect yourself ... just in case.”  

Armin nods, before grinning.

“Not that I think you’re going to die soon, huh, I’m just saying that—”

“I know. I know.” Eren nods. “What are you doing?”

Change of subject very subtle, but it worked. Armin lights up.

“Night vision glasses! Kinda!” He rubs at the back of his head, wincing. “If it works, it means that we won’t need more light outdoors, so less likely to attract zombies at night!”  

Eren takes the pair of glasses in his hand. It could be useful to see in the darkness.

“Tell me more.”

Armin smiles even wider “I thought you’d never ask.”

These ugly things might save them one day, who knows.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've said everything I have to say in the previous "update" that isn't an update. I hope you like this chapter. Have a nice day/night wherever you are in the world and thank you for your continuous support.  
> [My Tumblr](https://peachesandcreamss.tumblr.com/)


	30. Traces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I heard you talking to Krista. It's in the past, Levi. I didn’t have the best parents in the world, nor the best support. It's not so bad. We don't choose our families.”
> 
> “I choose you.” Levi says before he can even stop himself.
> 
> “In what way?” Eren whispers.
> 
> “I don’t know, the sentence just sounded cool in my head.”
> 
> Eren laughs.

Levi is already on the roof when Eren joins him.

_It’s crazy how close you guys are now._

_I have never seen you like this even with Erwin._

_What is it like to be in love, Levi, tell me?_

It’s raining softly.

Levi lays under the drops of water, his eyes closed in the darkness of the night, thinking about the conversation he had with Petra earlier.

“You'll get sick.” Eren says.

“You too. Go away. It was my roof first.”

“But it's my roof too now.”

“Don’t count on me to bring you hot soup when you are on the brink of death.”

“Says the guy who's been here for an hour.”  

At the noise near him, Levi concludes that Eren just sat down. 

“You seem cold.”

With these words, he concludes that Eren is watching him. 

Levi is trembling slightly, arms crossed over his chest. A jacket is put over him a few seconds later. He smiles.

Eren and his obsession with jackets.

“I don’t need a nanny.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Levi opens his eyes. Eren is sitting right next to him. He could only distinguish his shadow.

“Thank you.”

Eren doesn’t answer for several seconds. When he does it’s to evoke an entirely different subject.

“Kenny is worried, right?” Eren pulls his knee up to his chest, his other leg lays on the roof. “That's why he’s planning all of these lessons?”

“He’s going crazy now.” Levi sighs. “He thinks he fucked up by his, you can do anything you want policy. I mean no one really knows anything when you think about it.”

Eren hums.

“It must be scary having all these lives on you back.”

“Yeah. Before the base he was hard on everyone, making sure they all knew what to do and how to defend themselves but after moving in here, he stopped pushing them and by now everyone kinda forgot about the things they learned which is making nervous.”             

“He is afraid of giving these people the illusion of a security that no longer exists.”

“I think so too. He doesn’t want to talk to me about it. What confuses me is why now? What changed now? Nile is dead, but Luke, Furlan and Nanaba died before him. We lost others before them and he did not react like this I—”

“It's because of you,” Eren interrupts. “We all know that we can lose those we love every moment in this life but ... He did not think about losing you, I feel like. You seem invincible to a lot of people. He must have realized that if you could die, then the chances of survival of others outside were minimal too. And since we never know what can happen ... Prevention is better than cure, right?”

“Especially when you can’t really have a cure now.” Levi scoffs sarcastically.

Eren slaps him on the knee for an answer.

“Let’s get inside please. You will get sick.”

Levi sighs, unmoving for a second but then he agrees pushing himself on his feet.

They hear voices in the corridor as they make their way to their room.

Levi and Eren lean against the wall at the same time. They are soaked, it’s obvious that they were outside. Levi glances at the corner of the corridor.

Hanji and Mikasa are coming out of the infirmary. Under the faint light of the corridor, Levi sees Mikasa against Hanji, mouthing at her neck. The latter giggles and pats her hands.

“That's enough, wait until we're back to—”  

Mikasa cuts her off by kissing her. Hanji lets herself be a few seconds before pushing her back, fleeing into the hallway.

In the direction of Levi and Eren.

Levi feels adrenaline rush kick in suddenly. He grabs Eren by the arm and drags him across the hallway.

“They’re coming, they’re going to see us—”

Eren pulls on his arm sharply, opens the door of a closet and pushes him in, rushing after him. Levi clings to his shirt not to fall, yelping at the sudden movement. Eren puts a finger to his lips to shush him, before quickly removing it. He’s flushed against Levi, their faces a few inches apart.

“Catch me if you can!” He hears Hanji’s voice followed by Mikasa’s giggles down the hall.

“I would say that I will bite you, but given the current circumstances, it would be a tasteless joke.” Mikasa replies passing by the closet where Levi and his…. Friends are hiding. 

Levi has to restrain himself from laughing at how ridiculous these two are. Eren presses his hand to Levi’s mouth again whisper shouting at him to be quiet. Levi licks his palm in return.

“Ew.” Eren removed his hand so fast, his elbow hitting the wall with a thud.

“What was that?” He hears Hanji just a few feet away from the door.  

Levi buries his face on Eren’s neck to stop himself from laughing out loud. Eren shivers at the puffs of warm air coming out of Levi’s mouth against his cold skin.

“Hush,” Eren whispers for the millionth time but he can’t hide his amusement at Levi’s reaction.

“Sorry, sorry.” Levi leans his forehead against Eren's shoulder instead, his arms around Eren’s waist.

He doesn’t even know why they’re hiding. It’s not like Mikasa and Hanji will rat them out to Kenny. 

“Probably someone in the rooms,” Mikasa’s reply comes out muffled.

“No, we're in the wall,” Levi whispers, giggling. “You realize that we're okay up against hordes of zombies but not against two of our friends.”

“Shut up, they'll hear us.”

“And they’ll find us hiding in the closet.” He laughs even harder at Eren’s annoyed expression. “You know, there was an expression like that before, about people who don’t admit publicly that they are attracted to people of the same sex, they say they are in the closet. You're in the closet, Eren, in every sense of the wor—”

Eren cups Levi’s face, tilts his head back, before his soft lips find Levi’s. Levi’s stomach flutters and warmth spreads inside him. He blames it on the surprise. They never kissed like this. Usually, it’s either during sex or when the situation needs for it to be, to reassure, to calm down.  

Yet Eren keeps breaking these boundaries. Keeps pushing against everything Levi sets to keep his bubble from bursting. Not that there are boundaries left between them anymore. Levi tries to hold on to the illusion thinking he’ll keep his heart safe and protected. Thinking he’ll never fall in that trap.

When their lips part away, Eren doesn’t let go, he breaths against him, rubbing his nose against Levi’s. Levi whimpers softly at the touch, heart hammering inside his chest. He’s the one to step back and break the moment. They say nothing for a few seconds. Levi tries to collect his thoughts.

“It’s— We’re good, they're gone.” Eren lets out. “They would have found us with your big mouth.”  

Levi punches him on the chest.

“So you kissed me to shut me up,” He crosses his arms over his chest.

“Of course, why?”  

Eren's eyes appear a bit darker as they open the door. Levi can’t tell if he’s serious or not. It’s frustrating. Why doesn’t Eren appear affected by the kiss like him? Does he even want him to be?

“Nothing. Why would you kiss me like that? We never kiss like that, Eren. We don’t do these things.” He sounds snappier than he intends it to be.

Levi turns on his heel and rejoins their room without waiting for Eren, who nevertheless follows him in silence. Levi takes off his wet shirt to throw it at the foot of his bed, pulling an old towel from the closet in his room. Eren stands in the middle of the room without moving.

“I didn’t mean to say it like that—” Eren tries, rubbing at the back of his neck. He seems confused. “Well, it's—”

“Complicated, I know.” He wipes his chest turning his back to Eren. “It always is with you.”

Levi is unfair, he is aware of it. He should not even have reacted that way. He knows that. He never really wanted anyone to kiss him outside sex before… Eren. He became so accustomed to Eren that he forgot what they seem like to the others and how much he’s let go of himself in this weird relationship.

Maybe that’s why he is upset. He doesn’t like to admit that he wants Eren to just kiss him for the sake of it, because he can and he wants to. Turns out it’s even more complicated for him than it is for Eren. He doesn’t want to have another Erwin scenario.

“I'm hungry,” He hands him the towel. “I'll go get something to eat, dry yourself.”  

Levi goes out without another word. He leans against the door behind him. He’s being too harsh on Eren for no reason other than his stupid fears and Petra’s words.  

The situation is difficult for Eren. Levi can tell that he’s always trying to be considerate to Levi’s feelings. He’s always making efforts. Sometimes he would say things that Levi try to ignore their meanings or dodge them completely. He sees the hurt on Eren’s face but he can’t help it. He doesn’t want _that_.

Levi doesn’t know what goes through Eren’s mind and he’s scared. There could be two possible scenarios. Either Eren’s attraction towards him is more than what they both like to admit or Eren is trying to convince himself that Levi is just a body he could use to satisfy his desires and needs. That it was not particularly, because he is a man or because he is Levi like he had told him. But because he’s available.  

Levi doesn’t know what’s more terrifying to him.

At the end of the day, no matter how hard he tries to convince himself otherwise, Eren is not just a body for him.  

It terrifies him. He sometimes thinks about stopping everything between them but it’s enough for Eren to kiss him and he would forget about it.

Levi didn’t ask for that. He has never wanted it.

But that was before.

Eren is still awake when he finally returns from his stroll around the base. Levi slips against the covers and snuggles closer to him.

He feels like an asshole being harsh to him then seeking his warmth at night.

What makes him feel even guiltier is that Eren pulls him in without saying a word.

Levi lets himself go in his arms. He begins to trace letters on his stomach. This time Levi apologizes. Eren kisses his shoulder in response.

He knows that Eren is making efforts. He is trying too.

**

The lessons and new expeditions are what everyone talk about in the base recently. The means of survival, the old memories, the sacrifices, everything resurfaced. Everyone is asking questions and listening to old tales, only this time it’s not for the sake of entertainment but survival.

“Hey, Eren,” Nifa asks softly one evening in HQ. “The other time when we were talking about life outside, I was wondering... How did you do when you were alone? Before arriving here?”

Levi isn’t on Eren’s lap per se, but he is sitting sideways, back against the arm of the couch and legs stretched out in front of him. Eren just happens to also be sitting there, and so Levi’s leg are draped over Eren’s lap. Eren keeps reaching down and touching the rounded points of Levi’s knees every now and then. He knows he should probably move but he can’t bring himself to cut the contact. It’s not like it would mean anything, anyway.

“I'm sorry if it reminds you of bad memories or—”  

Eren shakes his head. 

“No, don’t apologize. It's good to want to know. Hm…”

Eren looks away at the attention he’s getting from others.

“It was hard at first. I was luckier than most banned people because I was trained, but I had no weapon. Neither firearm nor knives. I was trying to avoid zombies as much as I could. I also had to pay attention to the garrison of the City.” 

He lays his arm over Levi’s knees. The latter looks up from his book.

“What you're not told when you're inside is that the garrison are allowed to shoot anything that moves outside the walls. Whether zombies or banished, apparently we deserved to die if we are outside.”

Krista nods from her position on the carpet, Hope on her lap, tugging at her hair and blabbering sounds. Levi finds it adorable.

“So I couldn’t stay uncovered. I moved around buildings. I found a backpack in a house that I stayed in for a while. I filled it with some essential. Knives, towels if I ever got hurt, an old bottle of water and containers that I filled when it was raining— thank God for rain at the time. Fruits when I found them on the way. I happened to stay several days or even weeks in a house if I felt safe. The hardest part was finding food. I made a bow and arrows so I could hunt, but I had to cook the meat quickly and decamp immediately before the smell attracted them. It was not easy to hunt to be honest. So I was hungry most of the time. I became weaker and weaker. One night, a horde of them invaded the house where I was. I had to jump out the window without having the time to grab my backpack. I ran for hours and hours, with nothing to drink, nothing to eat. I rummaged through a stack of boxes and crates lying on the side of a factory hoping to find something useful when they attacked me again. I couldn’t run away. I hid in the middle of the boxes. I was exhausted. I'm not proud, but for the first time I surrendered. I couldn’t fight back, I had not slept or really eaten for days. For the first time, I thought I was going to die, and that maybe it was even better.”

He finally smiles. Levi wants to reach and kiss him. He doesn’t of course. 

“A few hours later, Mikasa, Levi and ... Erwin found me at that moment.”  

Levi tenses at the name. Krista pats Eren’s leg with her free hand.

“And here I am!”

“How long did you stay outside?” Petra asks softly.

Levi knows that. He feels strangely proud to know this detail about Eren that the others don’t know. Which is silly because he knows a lot of things about Eren that the others don’t know, actually.  

“Forty-seven days.”  

“That’s tough.” She says.

Eren shrugs.

He had been with them for more than ten months, but he rarely talks about the weeks he'd spent outside. He spoke easily of the life in the City, but not of the rest or his personal life.  

“And you, Krista?”

“Only two or three weeks, I don’t know exactly. I went right where Eren's GPS chip stopped and I stayed there for a while before heading north until Nile and Mike found me. It was a little less difficult for me. My father is influential; it is thanks to him that I was given a knife, some water, and a few provisions. It was not much, but it was already better than nothing.”  

The conversation turns lighter after that as the elders of the community leave to bed. Alcohol is passed around as Kuchel brings over some bread stuffed with cheese and parsley— which Levi can’t have enough of if he’s being honest.

“Oh! Eren dreams in German sometimes!” Levi exclaims as they’re sharing stories about each other.

“Really?” Armin asks.

“No, I don’t!” Eren rolls his eyes.

“He’s always lying about it and like _literally_ we share rooms! I know what I heard and it’s not English!”

“How are you so fluent?” Hanji takes a sip from her cup.

“My sister and some of her friends taught me German. I memorize things so fast so it was easy.” He smiles. “There was a time when she used to live with me in my parents house where we would only speak German and it annoyed the shit out of my parents.”

Eren brings his piece of bread to his mouth but finds that it’s already bitten. “Levi! Goddammit!”

Levi is laughing by now, rolling his head back on the arm of the couch. “What! Just eat it. Or give it to me.”

“You always take a bite out of everything it drives me nuts.”

“Oh you wanna talk about stuff that drives you nuts?” He straightens up and turns to the others watching them bicker. “This guy twitches when he’s sleeping.”

Eren giggles through his mouthful of bread.

“Usually when he’s twitching I know he’s about to go to sleep and he acts like he’s not tired _No I’m not sleepy_.” Levi mimics his voice making them laugh. “and it pisses me off because after I tell him to shut up for a minute _he’s fast asleep_.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “Can you believe that?”

“Come on, you’re exaggerating!”

“Oh I wish! Sometimes I’m sleepy and he’s not, so he makes me stay up with him until his highness falls asleep,” He gets aggressive as he starts gesticulating it. “and you know like when you’re sleepy and you stay up past that point you lose it right? So I stay up for him and then he’s asleep and twitching behind my back in _like two fucking seconds_ and I’m left alone. Like what the hell!”

“So you talk in your sleep and he’s twitching a lot and dreaming in German…” Krista points out through laughter. “You’re both creepy.”

“Perfect roommates.” Armin claps excitedly. “Now you’re making me wish to have a roommate.”

“You can have twitching Eren I’m giving him away.”

“As if you’ll sleep by yourself. Don’t lie you’re a big baby.”  

Levi kicks his thigh for an answer making him laugh.

Later on, he’s laying by himself on the couch, feeling warm and fuzzy from the alcohol. He's watching— more like staring at Eren as he changes the music.

Mikasa, Hanji, Eren, Petra and Armin are playing cards near them.

Mikasa leaves a seat open beside her around the table. She’s in the middle, Armin on her other side debating some shooting techniques with Hanji and Petra. Not that they are good at it or anything but that doesn't seem to be stopping them. Levi can see Eren hesitate.

Eren isn't sure if it's deliberate, that empty seat, or if he's reading too much into it, but he slowly settles down on the edge, poised to run, and waits for a flicker of disappointment to cross Mikasa's face. Levi knows that despite being familiar with each other now, Eren still feels shy and nervous around others that aren’t Levi or Krista.

Instead, Mikasa beams and puts an arm around Eren asking him to be her partner in the game. Hanji scoffs at the treason, scandalous and vows to defeat them.

Levi smiles watching them play. It’s stupid but seeing Eren come alive like this – hands flapping around wildly, a glint of excitement in his eyes as he plays with his friends, makes Levi happy.

There is a question that’s been bugging Levi after the conversation earlier. He couldn’t talk to Eren directly for fear of making him feel uncomfortable or hurt. It is a painful part of Eren's past that he rather not to bring up after last time.

He pulls Krista to the side later. “I have a question to ask you.”  

Krista wiggles her eyebrows in mischief at Levi’s words.

“Finally! Took you long enough to ask for my hand.”

Levi laughs.  

“Stop, it's serious. It's about Eren.” He sobers up. “You told us that your father helped you when you were banned. Why not Eren's?”  

Krista's face falls. She always makes the same expression as soon as Eren’s family is mentioned.

“Because my father loves me. Eren's ... It's something else. I never liked his father. Neither his mother nor his grandparents for the matter. Isabel is the only person I loved in that family. The others are all sociopathic manipulators who walked on other people to fill their pockets and make a good life.” She sits further away from the others in fear of them hearing. “Well I admit that I only realized that when Eren was banned. But I did not like them before. They treated Eren like a robot and a stranger, not like a son. Eren's real family in the City, Isabel aside, was mine. You know, this is the first time I've seen people, other than my own parents, treat him like a family member. Nobody did it in his, only Isabel. Here, you have the impression that he is a little brother, a nephew, grandson even a son-in-law to some.”  

Levi lets out a strangled laugh at the last words.

“Kuchel's son-in-law, for sure. I'm sure she already sees Eren and Petra married.”  

Krista smiles broadly at that.  

“Oh I wasn’t talking about Kuchel or Petra, sweetheart.”

He furiously pushes away the thought rising in his head at her words.

**

When Levi slips into their room that night, they don’t exchange any words for several minutes. They are just laying there, one against the other. Levi tries not to think about wanting to never leave Eren's arms.  

“I heard you talking to Krista. It's in the past, Levi. I didn’t have the best parents in the world, nor the best support. It's not so bad. We don't choose our families.”

“I choose you.” Levi says before he can even stop himself.

“In what way?” Eren whispers.

“I don’t know, the sentence just sounded cool in my head.”

Eren laughs.

His laugh dies against Levi's lips when the latter kisses him. Levi's heart leaps painfully fast as Eren's hand reaches his neck, holding him there. It’s hot and sweet at the same time, it’s tender and slow, it’s caress of tongues and lips without hurry. All the things that he doesn’t want to allow out of context and yet still does.

He finally breaks the kiss and runs his thumb on Eren’s lower lip.  

“Maybe nobody defended you when you were banned and it's unfair. But know that here, we would not let anything happen to you.”

“I know, you said that before” Eren whispers, pulling Levi over him to put his hands on his back before taking off his shirt. “Can you stop talking now? I like your mouth the most when it’s occupied with other types of activities than talking.”

Levi is playing with fire. He is unable to accept what’s happening between them in the light of day but could let go of such things in the darkness of their room.

Levi lets out a laugh before leaning over him to lick at the seam of his mouth, nibbling on his lower lip.

And if both of them were more tender than usual that night, it had nothing to do with the conversation they just had, of course.

**

“Is everyone ready? We will go out in small groups. Half the guards first, who will then work the rest of the guards at the end. We will try to dig the whole garden today. It will make some noise. This is dangerous. I hope you are all armed, as we talked about in recent days. The guards are here to protect you. The faster it will be done, the better. It's cold, it is the beginning of winter, so wrap up warm.”  

Kenny nods as they all settle in a line.

Everybody is going out except Kuchel, Nifa and the two little ones, Marcel, Nile's son, and Ellie, Tomas' daughter. Ilse and Hope also remained inside along with Hanji. The latter had argued but Kenny reminded her that she is the only doctor they have. Finally, Anna and Pixies, the two eldest members of the community, also stayed inside. Kenny didn’t want them to get hurt on the job. 

Mikasa and Levi come out first with Eld, who is one of the usual guards of farmers. Previously, the second guard was Erwin. For obvious reasons, he was replaced by Moblit this time. Eren and Mike would go out with Kenny and Hannes at the end. All others would help dig the large expanse of land that made up their garden. Petra, Tomas, Sasha, Hitch, Carla, Moses, Kitz, Ymir, Armin, Anka, Marco. Even Lynne, Mina and Connie, usually the most reluctant to go out and help in general, are there. The faster it would be done, the sooner they would all be safe.

They go out one after the other. They're equipped with various garden tools that they had collected over the years. Some use simple broomsticks to break the rest of the clods.

This work is essential to ensure that the land is well worked and allow a good harvest. They do it every year at this time.  

People with fragile physical conditions, including Sasha and Anka, all frail, would serve drinks and food. 

This is the first year that Sasha participates. She couldn’t stand being outside before. When she arrived in the Base with Moses, Nifa and Kitz six years ago, she was afraid of everything. She was afraid of people, afraid of Zombies, afraid of flies. Moses, Kitz and Nifa had found her alone, dirty and starving. She was laying in the middle of the street. She was about thirteen at the time. Her parents had just died in an attack. They had left their southern community, which was suffering too much onslaught of zombies, trying to find a safer place in the North. The consequences for Sasha's parents had been fatal.

Levi was afraid of her at first. They all thought that she had lost it. She had gradually returned to normal behavior, but had remained very calm. She still had moments of absence sometimes. Armin, Petra or Kuchel would hold her hand and talk to her gently for her to comeback. For her to know that she isn't alone.

To see her outside today, walking among her companions to give them water, it fills Levi with pride.

They all get to work. Clouds piling on top of them. It’s going to rain soon. Levi doesn’t know if he should rejoice or feel annoyed. On the one hand, the smell of damp earth could cover them. On the other, the water would wash off their skin from the ointment mint they smeared.

The six guards are standing back to the extent of the garden, watching the horizon. The workers are efficient. It is a hard and tedious work, but everyone knows that and there was no fuss. They all want to return as soon as possible and so they all word as fast as they can.  

Levi suddenly hears loud voices and looks around at the source. Lynne obviously decided that she can’t work in peace anymore. Levi see her arguing with Moses from his position. He motions for Mikasa, the closest to them to take care of the situation. Lynne apparently took an undeserved break and Moses told her that she can have time to rest when they are all done. Levi rolls his eyes wondering how can Tomas tolerate this woman for fifteen years. As far back as Levi remembers, Lynne and Tomas had always been together, but he doesn’t know how it’s humanly possible. 

They’re making too much noise. Mikasa approaches them and Levi sees her put a finger to her lips to imitate silence. Lynne scoffs but goes back to work.  

Levi is suddenly grabbed by an arm. Marco shows him the horizon ahead.

“There is something there,” he whispers. “It moves.”

Levi narrows his eyes. He doesn’t see anything.

“You sure?”

“Affirmative.”  

Marco had grown a lot in recent months. In recent weeks probably even. He who was so anxious to go outside for as Levi and Mike every day, he had stopped seeing this as a game or as a great adventure when Nile died. It’s Mike who basically raised Marco since his mother had died years earlier. It’s Mike who had taken care of him all this time. The bonds of friendship between Mike and Nile and the familial ties between Marco and Mike made Marco feel closer to Nile. Losing him was a shock for him too. Suddenly he understood that going outside, even for the strongest of them, was always a matter of life or death.   

He keeps his eyes fixed on the horizon at the moment. Levi still sees nothing. He signals to Mike, who is about fifteen meters to his right, pointing to the place where Marco saw the movement. He did the same with Eren on his left.

“It’s not advancing. It’s taking cover behind the trees, I—” 

Levi notices the fear in Marco’s voice, trembling slightly.

“Levi, if they are zombies, why are they not advancing? If they were zombies, they would be attacking us, right? What if they are—”

“Humans?”

Levi stands still in his spot watching the place Marco pointed at. Did those who stood there have benevolent or malicious intentions? Who were they? Are they really human?  

“What is happening here?”  

Levi hears Kenny arrive. He simply points towards the trees.

“I see nothing, but Marco sees movement there. He said that they could be human.”  

Kenny frowns glancing around.

“What do we do? Should we go see?”

“No.”

“But Kenny, if they are—”

“No. You have perhaps forgotten Levi, but some humans have lost their humanity somewhere in the last decades. We do not know what they want. If they approach, then we will talk. Otherwise, we let them go.”

Kenny’s tense as he speaks not looking away from the trees. Levi wonders if he’s trying to convince himself or Levi with staying away.

“I'm not going to send anyone to a possible trap. They may very well have seen your weapons and want to recover them. Imagine if they were ten and I send just two of you over there. We will find you with your throats sliced and stripped of your weapons.”

“But—”

“I said no. If they have good intentions, they would have approached peacefully.”

“Eren and Krista were not—”

“Levi,” Kenny says his name as if he’s talking to a child, there’s a hint of warning for Levi to drop it already. “Eren would have gotten eaten by zombies and Krista showed herself to Mike Nile while raising her hands in surrender.”

Kenny turns towards the other, who have slowed their movements in order to look around to see what’s bugging the guardians. 

“Focus guys, we have to move quickly!”

A few meters from Levi, Connie is also looking at the horizon, terrified.

“You shouldn’t make a commotion like this you’ll scare them.” Kenny reprimands. “It’s already bad as it is.” He adds before moving towards the others.

Connie must have thought that zombies were approaching. Levi snaps his fingers to get his attention.  

“Get back to work or go back inside if you’re scared.”  

Connie stares at him suspiciously for a few seconds and Levi thinks he’ll actually go back inside but he obeys nonetheless.

“You,” Levi whispers to Marco. “Stay with me, I want to know what's going on there and you obviously have a better view than all of us.”

“No problem, chief.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“No problem, captain.”  

Levi rolls his eyes shoving him gently to which Marco smiles.   

Side by side, they keep their eyes riveted in the distance.

“I don’t see them anymore,” Marco announces a few minutes later. “I believe that they disappeared. Zombies or humans, we'll never know.”

Levi has a feeling that it won’t be that simple.

 

**

Armin cautiously steps out of the shed hatch. He looks around him warily. It is the first time he goes out of the base since Luke’s death months earlier. Before that It was even longer.

Eren, Mikasa and Levi are with him. Armin insisted that it be these three who accompany him. He trusts them to have his back just in case.

They would go outside to help Armin find his way around and get out.

Armin takes a deep breath as he leaves the hangar after Levi.

“It’s still nice outside.” He tries for small talk, to hide his anxiety. “A point for outdoor living. On the other hand, it's really cold though.”

Eren takes the scarf wrapped around his neck and puts it around Armin's.

“Because you're not well covered. Levi told you to take warm clothes.”

“Yes, Dad,” He rolls his eyes. “I should have listened dad No. 2, my apologies. Can we move forward now?”

Mikasa and Levi guide Armin and Eren across the plain to the cover of the trees where they would usually hunt.

“Always be careful where you put your feet. It’s learned with practice. It took me years to learn how to move silently through the forest. to me, You and Eren make as much noise as a horde of zombies at the moment.”

“Hey!”

Levi winks at Eren grumbling.                     

“Sorry, honey. You're doing well on solid ground, but the forest is not your thing. I guess it's not part of the training of the super soldiers of the city.”

“The Guard, Levi. Not the super soldiers.”

“You have a lot of spies, right? In the old days, there were always spies,” Armin says.

“I imagine.”

Eren spaces out for a moment, looking ahead, silently before he finally shakes his head.

“Anyway. Let's go on.”

Levi and Mikasa try to teach Eren and Armin for two hours how to move in the forest without making too much noise and how to spot traces of passages, whether from animals, zombies or... humans.

Levi crouches near the snare of the trap they had laid. Him and Mikasa agreed that they wouldn’t hunt today but would go around the traps they put back in place every day.

“Mikasa. Look at this.”

The trap is still open. What is surprising is that there are traces of paws inside. Did it not work?

Mikasa leans forward and grabs something stuck in the trap. Fabric. This is definitely not an animal.

“A zombie can’t open a trap and put it back in place,” Levi whispers, slowly getting up and looking around suspiciously, his hand on his revolver.

“Do you mean that—”

“Maybe it's from our clothes, Levi. Maybe it was from yesterday when we put it up and the trap just didn't work today.

Levi is not convinced.

“We should go home.” Eren says looking at Armin who’s watching the surroundings worriedly.

None of them knows if these people who were potentially nearby earlier still are now. They don’t know whether their intentions are hostile or not.

If they are around, Levi has no intention of discovering such possible hostility from them with Armin present.

“Yes, you’ve done well guys today we’ll continue tomorrow.”

They make the return trip safely. Levi ruffles Armin's hair, assuring him that it is probably nothing. He exchanges a look with Eren who nods. He’ll stay with Armin. This silent communication thing between them sometimes makes him nervous. Is he that transparent now?

Levi and Mikasa head for Kenny's office. Hanji was coming out.

“Is everything okay?” she asks immediately, upon seeing their faces.

“Yeah, yeah don’t worry. What are you doing here?” Mikasa leans in to kiss her on the cheek.

“We had stuff to talk about. I need a hand to move equipment in the infirmary can you help me?”

Levi nods to Mikasa without even having to look at her. No need to alert Hanji when it was probably nothing.

“Of course! See you later, Levi.”

Levi knocks twice on Kenny's door, then pushes it open.

“Hey.”

Kenny is standing near the big wardrobe to the left of his desk where there are maps of the surroundings hanging.

“Already returned?” He glances briefly before averting his attention back to the maps changing pins. “How did it go with Armin?”

“He was less afraid than I thought. But that's not why I'm here. I think there are people outside.”

Kenny stops before turning around to face him.

“People?” He frowns.

“They used our traps. The thing that was inside was retrieved and the trap put back in place. It's not a contaminated or a Hunter.”

Levi hesitates for a few seconds before continuing.

“I saw traces on the floor. I'd like to follow them with Mikasa, if you agree.”

“I don’t think it's—”

“They may need help.”

“They may be hostile. You know how to defend a horde of zombies, but against humans?”

“I learned to fight the dead and the living for years here. Please. These are probably the same ones that Marco saw two days ago. They did not attack us at that time, why would they do so today?”

“We were all outside, two days ago. They may have been afraid of our number.”

“Exactly. Maybe they are scared.”

Kenny sighs.

“I’ll think about it.”

“But the traces will disappear if—”

“I said that I’ll think about it and either way don’t focus on that. I’ll look into it myself.”

Levi grits his teeth, offended at the use of that tone against him. But doesn’t say anything. In his defense, at least he asked.

“Levi.” He calls for him as he’s about to leave. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

**

“Eren! You’re exactly who I was looking for. Mikasa and I need your help to carry stuff with us, can you give us a hand?”

Eren looks up from his book. He stares at Levi for several seconds before looking around. Petra, Krista and Armin are playing an old board game with Ilse and Ymir all sitting on the floor. Anna is on a couch next to her, her patched glasses hanging on her nose as she scans her book of poems. Further away, Kitz, Moses, Carla, Marco, and Mike are trying to fix a table that collapsed yesterday, with Kenny, Hannes, Eld, and Tomas arguing near.

Eren gets up and follows Levi without a word to the hallway. His roommate ends up stopping in the corridor.

“I need you to cover for me and Mikasa.”

Eren sighs and runs a hand across his forehead.

“I knew it.”

“We have to go see if they need a—”

“I know.”

Obviously, he knows. Eren knew for a long time that Levi always strives to help and save everyone, no matter how much he wanted to appear detached in his relationships with others.

“I hope you got your books with you because you'll have to stay in the reserve until we come back…”

“I can come with you too.”

Levi shakes his head.

“You make noise in the forest, Eren, I don’t want you to—”

_Get yourself killed_

“Expose us.”

Eren nods feeling hurt and Levi feels the need to make that look go away.

“Thank you. In another life I would have brought you flowers and chocolate.”

Eren grabs his arm as Levi turns away. As he does not say a word, Levi frowns glancing at the hand around his biceps. Eren lets go.

“Sorry, take care of yourself okay?”

Levi smiles.

“You don’t have to worry about me.”

Eren rolls his eyes with a sigh, exasperated.

“I do not worry about you. You just have a weird habit of shoving your ass where it shouldn’t be.”

Levi laughs at that and Eren flushes seeming to realize what he just said.

“You didn’t seem to complain last time.”

Eren looks away, face red.

“You know what I mean.”

He seems so embarrassed that Levi wanted to kiss him. So he does it.

He leans against Eren, cupping his face with his hands and pressing their lips together. Eren's hands find Levi’s hips immediately. The way his body now responds to the least of Eren’s touches drives him crazy.

“I know, that I said we don’t do this.” He whispers against his lips. “But I really wanted to. So I’m sorry for being unfair.” He kisses him one last time before pulling away and smirking at a dumbfounded Eren in the middle of the hallway.

“Don’t worry about me. You’ll still have my ass intact tonight. Wait a bit before looking for a new roommate.”

He hurries to where Mikasa is waiting for him, suppressing a smile. He had never had anyone to kiss before going on a mission.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I just update in time? yes I did.  
> Excuse the mistakes you'll find 'cause honestly I ain't got no time for that right now. Anyway, Happy holidays everybody I hope you have a lovely day/night wherever you are in the world <3  
> [My Tumblr](https://peachesandcreamss.tumblr.com/)


	31. Ocean Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 4 am and I've been listening to Ocean Eyes on repeat for like 3hs it's so Ereri tho I can't help it!!!!!   
> This chapter is dedicated to [deadgirltryingtosurvive](https://deadgirltryingtosurvive.tumblr.com/) because it's her birthday (was, actually it's the 29th but I'm such a mess I can't stick to no deadline but hey at least it's here lmao).  
> She also writes fanfics on ao3 (same username)   
> Anyway happy late birthday again I hope you like it!  
> Excuse the typos I can barely function rn (I will eventually go through the whole thing when it's over and change stuff here and there)   
> sigh, cons of posting a WIP lmao

Mikasa is waiting under the hatch of the shed.  Stamping her foot angrily.

“Take your time by all means. I'll tell you that our mission will turn into suicide if Kenny ever learns that we 've gone out without him knowing.”

“What do you mean?” Levi scoffs as he reaches her. “He will know if we ever bring people back, Mikasa.”

Mikasa groans.

“Oh shit. We're screwed one way or another!”

“Yep.”

“Good. Well, let's go. Let's hope we come back alive, I'd rather die here decapitated by Kenny than outside with my throat cut open by a stranger.”

“You're creepy sometimes.”

“This is one of my most valuable traits.”

“You know what’s funny? Kenny won’t do shit he’ll just scold us for a while and then that’s it. He’s a softie inside.”

Mikasa smiles. “I guess you’re right.”

Levi climbs the ladder, followed by Mikasa.

It’s raining heavily when Levi peaks out.

“The traces will be gone, for sure.”

Levi sighs, letting out a curse.

“Should we keep going anyway?”

They find nothing. Not even a trace. They’re soaked to the bone. All they earned is a cold.

No humans or contaminated.

“Okay I don’t want to be hopeful but maybe there’s something.” Hanji says one night, dropping on the couch between them.

Her eyes sparkle. She looks like a child who received a mountain of toys. Krista sits next to Eren on the couch looking exhausted but relatively satisfied.

“Really? About the remedy?”

Hanji nods at Petra's question. Their friends perk up at that.

“I don’t know yet ... if it's going to be conclusive. We have to do more tests, but for the first time in a while, I feel like we are moving forward. We will have to test samples to see if there is a reaction and—”

“Wait, samples?” Levi repeats, stiffening in his seat.

The glances turn to him.

“How do you want us to check if it works otherwise, Levi?” Krista asks gently. “We will need some tissues to check for a reaction.”

“You mean zombie skin. You want us to capture a zombie and bring it back here? Does Kenny know about this?”

Levi is not happy. It’s dangerous. He wants this remedy, but to bring a Contaminated into their home...

“Of course,” Hanji proceeds carefully. “He's going out with Tomas himself ... to see what he can do.”

Levi's jaw drops. He jumps up under the surprised looks of all his friends and strides out of the circle. He storms into Kenny's office in minutes. Kenny barely raises his head from the papers he’s studying when Levi bursts into his office furiously.

“Hello to you too, Levi.”

“Tell me this is a joke.” Levi stands before the desk. “Tell me that you do not seriously intend to capture a contaminated with Tomas without further reinforcements to make sure you do not get eaten.”

“I, who was already fighting zombies before you were born, will go capture a zombie with Tomas, my oldest friend and exceptionally amazing fighter, whom I knew well before I found you, without endangering anyone else.  Yes.”

“You—” Levi scoffs taking a step back. “You can’t do that! It's too dangerous! People here— they need you! I can— I can go! With Mike! With Mikasa! With—”

“No.”

Levi pauses abruptly at the sharp look Kenny gives him when he finally looks up from his papers.

“I will not let you run after zombies, Levi. I'm not going to let you put your life in danger again. I make the decisions here.”

“But...”

“No!”

Levi folds his arms over his chest.

“I do not agree with your decision. I, neither, agree with the fact that you go to look for a single zombie, nor with the simple idea that you bring it back home. Who knows what could happen. What If it escapes?”

“There is no reason for that to happen. We will take precautions.”

“You never know.”

“I did not ask for your opinion.”

Indeed, Kenny's expression shows that his decision is already made.

“What is it?” It comes out snappy mirroring the anger Levi feels inside. He pauses, letting out a sigh. “Did I do something that makes you not trust me?” He casts his gaze onto the ground. His voice sounds more pained than anything at this point.

 “What?”

“You don’t tell me anything anymore. You plan things on your own, you don’t even listen to me. Is it because I killed Nile?”

Kenny gets up from his chair. Levi watches him moving around the desk until he reaches him. His hands hover awkwardly on Levi’s tense shoulders.

“Is that what you think?” He sighs shaking his head not even waiting Levi to answer. “I thought you were dead, son. Those days were hell to me. I lost my family once, I'm not going to throw you into the lion's den again. No way. Mike is not fit right now. I will not send Mikasa without you. I'm going with Tomas, that's all. It is settled.” Then he pulls him in a hug just like when he was a kid. “Whatever your thick head tells you about Nile’s death, don’t listen to it. It wasn’t your fault.”

Levi says nothing but relaxes in Kenny’s arms. Kenny’s not an affectionate person so whenever they share intimate moments it warms Levi’s heart.

“I still don’t like this idea.” Levi mumbles softly.

“The discussion is over.”

He says pulling away and returning to his chair.

Levi leaves without a word.

**

Levi turns and tosses in his bed. The more he tries to force himself to sleep, the more he sees images of Nile's bite. He can’t help shaking the idea of that happening to Kenny .

“There’s nothing you can do, Levi.” Eren's voice cuts through his thoughts.

“That’s where you're wrong.”

Eren takes several seconds to realize what Levi means.

“You can’t do that. You shouldn’t.” It sounds more urgent with a hint of fear.  

“I can’t let the same thing happen again. I don’t want to see Kenny come in and get bitten. He is too important here.”

“Because you're not?”

Levi sneers. “I’m fucking replaceable Eren. Anyone can learn what I learned and you’ll have another me. Kenny is the leader. Without him there’s no community. Just because he’s not the one always outside doesn’t meant he’s not doing his job.”

He feels the mattress weight dip under him and he realizes Eren moved closer. Eren started kissing him when they went to bed but Levi didn’t feel like doing anything so he pulled away staying at his side of the bed.  

“Eren, I really don’t want—”

“Don’t be silly I'm not coming for that.”

Levi stills letting Eren wrap his arms around him and waits for the guilt tripping but nothing comes.

“What are you doing?” Levi whispers, holding his breath.

“I just want to hold you.” Then he falters pulling his hand away. “Do you not want that too?”

Levi sighs holding onto him. This is okay, he tells himself.

“It’s fine.”

Eren hums and pulls him closer again, spooning him.

“When I was little, my parents were not very ... cuddly. Not affectionate. They were really strict. Stand up straight, do not cry, stop complaining, do not show your feelings.” Eren starts rubbing circles against Levi’s stomach under his shirt. “Feelings, tears, attachment to others were weaknesses that the Jaegers can’t afford. Isabel... she was different. I don’t really know how it is possible knowing that she was raised by them but... she kept telling me that nothing in this world was worth living if it were not for the links created with others. She said I had to get attached to people. The only hugs I had during my childhood came from her and from Krista and her parents. Isabel said that sometimes people don’t want to be reassured by empty words. Sometimes it is enough to show them that we are present, by a gesture, by a hug. She kept telling me that hugs were good for lifting people’s spirits.”

He sighs, Levi stays quiet, letting Eren’s voice and tender touches wash over him.

“I don’t know what to tell you. You will not listen to me. I can’t tell you that you should go instead of Kenny, because that's not what I want. I can’t tell you that nothing will happen to Kenny because we do not know that. I can’t tell you that everything will be fine, because you can never be sure in this world. So... I will just hold you against me because that’s all I can give you and all the reassurance I have.”

Levi turns to face him, resting his forehead on Eren’s shoulder. He gently puts an arm around his back. Obviously, he’s not the only one who needs a hug.

As time passed, Levi is starting to understand Eren's early behavior and reluctance to show his affection for others and how far he’s come during these months.

“I think I would have loved your sister.”

Eren hums kissing the top of Levi’s head.

“I think so too. You have the same thirst for freedom.”

They say nothing for a while, Levi enjoys Eren’s strokes on his back, lets it lull him to sleep. Until Eren speaks again.

“You are important to people.”

“Hm?”

Levi blinks slowly, warm and sleepy.

“Earlier, you said that Kenny important and that you are replaceable. You're wrong. You are precious here too. Not to mention your efforts to help the community by putting your life at risk day after day, the expeditions you regularly participate in to make life here more enjoyable by getting clothes, books, toys for children, medicine. You’re important too and there’s only one Levi here. I don’t know what Mikasa, Hanji, Armin or Petra would do without you. Not to mention Kenny. He would go mad if something happened to you. Ilse and Hope, as well, did you forget about them? You have to watch over her remember? You promised. It's the same for others. Marco admires you a lot, you’re basically his role model. You are Anna’s precious child. Even Kuchel told me the other day that she didn’t know what would become of them without you. Because you help them so much, but also because you bring life into the base.” Levi bites his lips, more alert now, frown forming between his eyebrows. Eren kisses it. “Remember the night you dragged everyone to dance or the one when you pushed all the sofas on the sides to play football in the middle of HQ? Without you, this community would be dead, Levi. Dead because they would get up in the morning to just go back to bed at night without really living. You bring something else. You remind them that life is not just fighting constantly.”

“Yet, I sometimes forget it. I forget that life is not just blood, suffering, survival. I need others for that too. I— I need you.”

Levi can feel exactly the moment Eren held his breath. He smiles faintly.

“I don’t really see how I—”

“You’re like me. That's what made us start off, at first. And you...”

“I?”

Levi’s not the kind of person to say such things, it’s not that he doesn’t want to, it’s scary. Terrifying to admit to such vulnerabilities.

“You make me alive. I feel more alive when I am with you.”

_Close enough._

Eren doesn’t move and Levi closes his eyes tightly, already regretting saying that outloud. He still thinks it, with every fiber of his being. Sometimes he just feels that things are better left unsaid. Their “relationship” is one way and he should not have forgotten it. Eren loosens his grip around Levi's body. The latter tenses even more.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have—”

But Eren doesn’t go away. He doesn’t leave or reject him. He doesn’t say anything. His hands leave Levi's waist only to cup his face, pull him closer...

And kiss him.

Just kiss him. Because he can, because he wants to, because he craves it. Maybe because he’s also scared of where this is going, because he’s happy it’s going somewhere. Maybe he’s unable to say such things out of fear for multiple reasons but he’ll let his kisses convey it for him.

Eren kisses him for a long time, without hesitation, his breath coming short. He doesn’t push for more, he doesn’t undress him or ask for anything back. He just kisses Levi just for the sake of it.

The walls are shattering one by one with every touch, with every kiss.

Levi shudders under Eren's hands caressing his skin, his own gripping Eren’s curls, his body arched against Eren’s.

Eren connects their lips one last time before moving away.

“Never try to take that back.” He breaths against him, nose rubbing against Levi’s. Then he leans away to his side of the bed, leaving Levi completely dazed.

“What?”  

“You said that you don’t feel like doing anything tonight. I'm not going to push but if I keep kissing you I won’t stop.”

Levi groans, frustrated.

“If I jump on you now,” He licks his lips smiling in mischief. “It means that my libido is unable to resist any of your kisses.”

“One must say that I’m very talented.”

Levi grunts under his breath pushing his face against the pillow. He’s not even sleepy anymore this is not fair.

He waits a minute. Two minutes. His lips tingle for more.

“At least turn back and cuddle with me.” He mumbles to Eren’s back, face muffled on the pillow.

Eren looks over his shoulder then turns back.

“No, I want you to do it.”

Levi smiles at that, crawling closer, and engulfing Eren in his arms drooping the blanket over them.

**

“The feet a little more apart. Your shoulders straighter. Breathe in. breathe out while releasing the rope.”

Nifa follows the instructions. Her arrow falls only a few feet away. Eren pats her shoulder.

“The bow is too heavy and too big for you, darling. I'll see what I can do. Go with Mikasa for the traps for now, okay?”

Making these workshops was Mike's idea. They are all outside this time. The others are getting used to going out more and more. Kenny keeps pushing them to do more and more.  

Mikasa teaches them how to build and set traps for small animals or zombies, such as, for the latter, knots to go around the ankles or pits concealed by branches.

Eren trains them in archery. Him and Armin made targets placing them away in the field.

Mike comes up with situations and scenarios to test their abilities and what they learned.

Hanji teaches them first aid. She picked Sasha for demonstrations and if that fact made Armin even more interested in the subject, nobody had to know.

Kenny and Tomas educate them on firearm related matters.

Levi jumps from group to group, assisting. Everyone is involved. Even the children are outside. It’s not as cold at the beginning of winter but they’re all well covered. For the moment, it’s not raining which is fortunate.

Eren approaches Levi as he joins the archery area.

“We need different sizes of bows. Nifa can’t shoot with this one, it’s too big for her.”

“The one I used when I was a child must be somewhere inside. I'll look for it tonight.”

Eren grabs his wrist as Levi turns to leave.

“Hey. Everything is going well. Brighten up.”

Levi smirks.

“Says the, I laugh every three hundred years, guy.”

“I laugh every three hundred years with you, because you're not funny.”

Eren folds his arms defensively over his chest, but Levi can see that he’s trying hard not to smile.

“I really want to slap that smirk off your face but you would not appreciate my method so I'm going away slowly but surely towards safer areas from you.”

Eren rolls his eyes chuckling before returning towards the others.

“If I had been told that months ago, I wouldn’t have believed it.”

Anna appears from behind him, making him jump. Levi gives her a questioning look.

“You know what I mean, darling. I see everything at this age.”

Levi put his hand over hers on his shoulder. He squeezes gently.

“You should go back to the workshops, Anna. It can be useful.”

“If we find ourselves outside again, no workshop will help me survive, son.”

“Don’t say that...”

She pats his head with her wrinkled hand.

“Very well. I'll go check them out.”

It begins to rain soon after. Little Ellie, who had never felt rain on her face, asks why the sky is crying.

**

When he wakes up the next morning, Levi stays for a few seconds in bed staring at the ceiling. He checked the calendar yesterday before going to bed. He knows it’s today. As if to remind him, Eren who walks by him at that moment to go to the sink, notices that he’s awake.

“Good morning! Happy birthday,” He leans over the end of the bed kneeling over the mattress.

Levi groans. Eren smiles brighter. He crawls over to the end to join Eren.

“Come here.”

He pushes himself up to kiss, him neither of them caring for morning breath. Eren smiles against his lips, Levi drags him by the collar as he drops back on the bed. He leans his weight on his elbows around Levi's head, his thighs hugging Levi’s hips, straddling him.

“That's better,” Levi whispers, quivering as Eren mouth at his jawline. “How do you know it's today?”

“Armin,” He mumbles against his skin.

Levi hums, closing his eyes rolls his eyes too busy with Eren's body pressed against his and the way his hips move, to care for the answer really.

“What do you want for your birthday?” Eren whispers sliding his hands over Levi's chest. “As a special gift. In the City, we always have a special gift because it's supposed to be our special day.”

“I don’t know.” He leans over the headboard, an arm behind his head. “I don’t make such a big deal out of this shit.”

“Why not?”

Levi shrugs before he even gets to reply loud bangs slam against the door.

Levi lets out a frustrated groan as Eren moves away from him with a smirk. He ties his hair into a bun as he walks over to the door.

Armin storms inside, throwing himself on Levi.

“Happy birthday!” He yells excitedly, crushing him in a hug.

Obviously, Armin makes a big deal over Levi's birthday. And so does almost everyone else.

Levi is the center of attention for the day.

He insists on going hunting, like every day, as he does every year on his birthday, even if it is freezing cold outside or windy as it is, just to escape this attention. He likes that usually. Yet, being the center of attention on this day. He doesn’t welcome it anymore.

The only one who doesn’t make a fuss about it is Mikasa, because she knows how much Levi hates it.

Levi appreciates her existence a little more on his birthdays because he could spend time alone with her without being reminded that he is supposed to do nothing today because it’s "special."

A special dinner is cooked in his honor. Kuchel bakes a big cake that she does only for special occasions. They cook more than usual. Birthdays are also a way to please everyone, not really just for someone who earned another year in this morbid world. That and the fact that it’s also what older generations called Christmas. That's why Levi lets it go, otherwise he would simply have asked not to celebrate it.

He lets everyone shower him with presents. Clothes, trinkets, food, utensils, objects they have made themselves, decorations for his room. Even the children make drawings. Levi feels a lump growing in his throat when Marcel brings him a sheet of paper where he had drawn his father and Levi, saying that Nile also wished him a happy birthday "from the sky".

Eren stays away all day. Not ignoring him but hovering around discreetly. He didn’t seem to want to interfere. He just watches. He helped with the preparations, with making the cake. He watches Levi as he opens his presents. He offers him a frame covered with paper, pink blush dusting his cheeks. When Levi removes it, he finds the poem he read for him months ago when he first joined the base, written in fine ink, surrounded by arabesques. Levi smiles as he remembered the night Eren had learned about his love for this poem.

It’s one of the first nights they had spent together in the headquarters. The first time he learned that Eren too can’t sleep at night. The night that started their nocturnal meetings and their cloud gazing.  

It seems like it’s been ages ago.

Levi notices some words that aren’t written in English at the back of the frame. He looks up to ask Eren but he’s not even in sight anymore.

Kenny leans over his son's shoulder to look at the present. “That’s nice. The kid’s got a good taste.”

Levi is relieved when he’s finally able to go back to his room, finally managing to slip away from everyone after thanking them for the millionth time.

Eren is lying on the bed when Levi closes the door behind him. He seems to be asleep. Levi undresses quietly and slips between the sheets, sighing with relief, already closing his eyes. This day seemed to be never ending.

It’s not even that he doesn’t appreciate what they do. It’s quite the opposite, it’s actually heartwarming but equally overwhelming.

“Why don’t you like your birthday?”

Evidently, Eren is not sleeping. Levi should have known, nothing is what it seems to be with Eren.

“It's too long to explain.”

“We have all night.”

“I am tired.”

“Me too. All the more reason for you not to waste time telling me what you do not like about your birthday.”

Levi sighs before turning on his back.

“It's not really my birthday. I told you Kenny found me in the basement of a house. I strangely did not have my IDs on me,” he jokes.

Eren doesn’t seem to find that funny. As much for Levi, who rolls his eyes at Eren’s serious expression and continues.

“We never knew when exactly was my birthday. I say I'm twenty-one because the group doctor at the time told Kenny that I must have been about five when he found me, but we don’t really know. I could be twenty or twenty-three for all I know. Well, I was told It’s easier to determine children’s ages, but it’s still not accurate. Today is not my birthday. I don’t know when I was born, I have no idea. Today is—”

Levi takes a deep breath. He’s not going to cry over this. He’s not a child. Hi voice breaks just a little.

“Furlan celebrated his birthday eight months after joining the group. I was a kid, I was sad not to have people singing me a song and bake a cake just for me like the others on their special day. Sometimes the others even made things or gave us drawings or fruit or whatever. It was not much, but just to show that it was not a day like any other. I was young but I remember that day, vaguely. I was lying on the floor with Furlan between two tents, and I told him that I had no birthday, I would never have gifts or parties like them. I was sad. Furlan told me that it was okay, that he was going to create a birthday just for me, that I wouldn’t even know about it and that it would be a surprise. A week later, he stormed in my tent shouting happy birthday and jumping on my mattress.

Levi smiles softly at the memory.

“I thought Kenny was going to hang him by his feet of a tree for three days when he woke up terrified by the screaming, convinced that we were attacked. It was pretty funny.”

“So today is just the birthday that Furlan set for you because you were sad to not have one.”

Levi doesn’t silent. He stares at the ceiling refusing to look at Eren. He probably heard the emotion in his voice and Levi doesn’t want to be emotional. He swallows heavily through the lump in his throat.

He misses his friend so much. More on certain days than others. Like today for example. They have dealt with a lot of losses in the past, but Furlan's is by far the most painful. Levi lost a pillar of stability when Furlan died.

He hears movement from Eren's side of the bed.

“Get dressed,” He says. Levi glances at him, standing by the bed.

“Huh?”

“You heard me. Get dressed.”

Levi stares at him motionless for a few moments before Eren throws clothes on his face with a smile. Levi recovers as he starts getting dressed.

“Where are we going?” He whispers as they leave the room.

“You'll see when we get there.”  

Eren takes him to the roof.

_Talk about a surprise._

He sits in his usual place and pats the place near him. Levi joins him without saying a word.

“When I was young,” Eren starts. “Isabel stole a book for me in the forbidden section of the library, the one where no one has the right to access except certain people with special permission. It was a children's book, I think. It came from a... cartoon? I think that’s what they call it. It’s a kind of film, but with drawings instead of real actors. The story was called...” He pauses collecting his words. “The Lion Prince, or something.” He perks up. “No, the King! The Lion King. I don’t really remember what it was about exactly, I haven’t read that in years. Yet I read it dozens of times when Isabel gave it to me, telling me to hide it under one of my floorboards. It was a forbidden gift. A gift for which Isabel took risks. In this book, the father of the little lion told him that the ancient dead kings were watching them from the sky and that Simba, the son, could always look up at them for advice.” Eren plays with his pendants as he speaks. “It really marked me. I never looked at the stars the same way after that. When Isabel died, when I was alone outside after being banned, I would look at the stars to reassure myself. I believe that Gemma is up there, star-shaped, watching over me. I chose one of the stars of the Andromeda constellation. I'll tell you why, one day. Anyway,” He breaths in deep, then turns to face him. “I thought... maybe you could pick one too. I know you didn’t get Furlan's body after the attack. So no grave... You can pick a star if you want.” Then he shakes his head. “In fact, the more I talk, the more I feel like it might seem stupid to you and that you probably don’t care and we shouldn’t even be here for this—”

Levi puts a hand on his leg to silence him. He’s already looking at the wide expense of black canvass above them.

“I found my star. The brightest, that one.”

Eren watches him for a moment before speaking again.

“It's the planet Venus actually. Venus is... the Roman goddess of love.”

“Oh.”

Levi's heart starts beating a little too fast. He doesn’t change his mind about his "star" anyway.

“I'll leave you alone for a moment, okay? Sometimes, I ... talk to her? Isabel? So if you want to talk to Furlan... I'll be downstairs in the hallway. Be careful going down, call for me if you need me.”

“I came here alone before, you know.”

Eren rolls his eyes before disappearing downstairs.

Levi looks up at the sky again, staring at Furlan’s star.

“I don’t know how to do this. I never spoke to a star.”

Levi laughs softly, rubbing his neck with embarrassment.

“I guess you saw it if you’re actually there which I really doubt but I for tonight I want to believe it. Your daughter was born. She is beautiful. She has your nose. She smiles when she sees me, already. Ilse called her Hope. I think it suits her.”

He sighs, his smile fading little by little. His voice breaks when he speaks again.

“Nile is dead, Furlan. And Nanaba. And Luke . But Nile ... It was really hard. Maybe you know if you’re there. Maybe it's him, the star next to you, up there. I couldn’t save him,” Levi whispers, wrapping his arms around himself.

“I couldn’t save you, I couldn’t save him. Sometimes I wonder who will be next.” His fingers dig in his clothes skin. “Me? I think it would give me more relief than having to lose another person I care about. The sad thing is that I know it will be like that all our lives. I will continue to lose people, all the time, regularly. And like an idiot, I continue to get attached to people. Your daughter. Krista. Eren. That people who arrived after your death and whose loss would drive me crazy. Don’t tell them anything. They don’t need to know about that. I'm supposed to be the cold and heartless asshole, remember? Maybe not cold. I can’t keep my mouth shut enough for that.

Levi chuckles. It’s starting to get cloudy. He’s going to lose the star soon.

“There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you, Furlan. Not one day. I miss you so much. There are so many things that I want to tell you. And today... Today, you're dead and I'm talking to a light in the fucking sky. Maybe I really did lose my mind. It’s Eren’s fault. He told me about this.”

Levi leans back to look down. Eren is waiting for him underground like he said. He straightens up.

“I'll have to go. He's waiting for me. I can almost feel your glare from there. He is different. You would have like him, that's for sure. He’s not like Erwin. Not that... that there is anything serious between us or something. I don’t do serious.”

Levi sighs, running a hand across his face.

“I don’t know who I'm trying to convince,” he sneers. “There’s obviously something. And it’s probably serious. It scares me. I keep pushing myself in shit I can’t deal with but I can’t help it. I can’t deal with it. I can’t stop it. I have no control and that’s terrifying.”

The star is suddenly hidden by the huge cloud that passes over it. Levi watches the sky for a few minutes letting the wind blow against his skin. Cold and icy.

He goes back down. Eren still hasn’t moved. They walk to their room in silence.

Eren gets undressed by candlelight. He gives Levi, who’s sitting on the bed, a questioning look when he catches his eyes on him.

He stands in front of him, admiring him without saying a word, dark eyes intense through the dim light. He reaches out a hand to Levi. When Levi links their fingers, Eren smiles. Levi stands up without taking his eyes off him. With his free hand, he traces the V shape of his lower stomach with his fingertips, while the muscles under his fingers contracted. Eren swallows.

“Levi,” He says his name in a broken whisper.

He grabs him by the neck to press their lips together.

He lifts him from the ground, running his hands down his ass, cupping and hoisting him up. Levi locks his legs around Eren’s waste and takes a step to carry him to the bed. He lays down over him and continues mouthing over every inch of smooth skin, leaning over him, his cold hands on Levi's body making him shiver as they grip his hips.

“What do you want for your birthday?” Eren whispers, pulling away from Levi for a moment.

Levi is overwhelmed by all these thoughts and feelings pooling at the surface, suddenly and all at once. He strokes Eren's lips with his forefinger. He loves doing that. He’s fascinated by Eren's mouth. The latter parts his lips and Levi almost chokes when Eren sucks on his finger, closing his eyes.

“Tease.”

Eren lets go, grazing Levi's jaw with his nose, breathing in his scent.  

“Answer my question,” He whispers against his neck, making him shudder.

Levi rolls his hips against Eren for an answer. Eren bites his lips to stop the moan spilling out from between his lips. Levi's hands don’t leave his skin, stroking greedily.

“Levi, what do you want for your birthday? Say it.”

Heart pounding, Levi grabs Eren's chin, meeting him halfway in another kiss, he pulls at his lips with his teeth. He’s still unable to give him the answer he’s obviously looking for. Eren pulls away and frowns, frustrated.

Does he really want him to say it? Why? What would it change?

“Tell me. If you had only one thing. A gift.”

“Why? You already know it.”

Eren watches him for a second, as if he’s looking for a sign.

Why? Why did Eren need to hear Levi give an answer to that question? Why is Levi afraid to answer that question?

“I need to hear you say it,” Eren finally whispers.

Need.

A dangerous word. This need. A perilous concept. Everything starts to break when you need a person. The addiction that drags you to hell. The complications that start looming. Storms that stay at bay. Nothing can stop it when there’s need.

What happens when even skin isn’t enough anymore? Deep down there’s a feeling stronger than physical need. The one that scares Levi. The one that he also craves. The same one that Eren feels.

Eren needs to hear Levi admit it. Levi needs Eren to keep touching him. Soon they would need each other more and more that they would no longer deny it.

Not yet.

But soon.

Levi knows that if he wants to turn around and go back, it would be now or never. He’s falling. Head first.

“You,” he says weakly. “I want you. I need you. I–”

He kisses Eren instead. It should be enough. For now, it should be reassuring.

_Not yet._

_But soon, he’ll say it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](https://peachesandcreamss.tumblr.com/)   
>  I hope you have a lovely day/night wherever you are in the world <3


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